[instrumental music]
You are welcome to play
with my old tap shoes.
But keep in mind,
tap dancing is a skill
that requires grace and rhythm.
I got grace and rhythm.
How was that?
Well, we know the taps work.
Okay, now watch your big sister
and see how it is done.
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪
♪ Me for you
and you for me ♪
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪
♪ A rum pum pum ♪♪
And that is how it is done.
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪
Very good, Michelle.
♪ And two for tea ♪
♪ And tea for two ♪
♪ And two for tea ♪
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪♪
What have I done?
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy evening TV ♪
♪ When did I
get to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This whole world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you ever seen ♪
♪ And a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ And that little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out
there and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Every where you look ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Deej, I sure hope the twins
are a boy and a girl
because I picked out
the perfect names.
Elvis and Priscilla.
Well, what if they're two girls?
Mmm...Priscilla and Elvisa.
So if you get two boys
you're gonna name 'em
Elvis and Priscillo?
See, I didn't,
I didn't think about..
No, that's good.
See, I gotta think this through.
See, it's so important
what you name your kid
because it can, it can determine
the whole personality, you know.
I mean,
you think I'd have cool hair
and a great band
if my name was Marvin?
Marvin and the Rippers?
I don't think so.
Why are you so obsessed
over this name thing?
Well, I don't want my kids
going through what I..
Never mind.
Never mind what?
Never mind.
Okay, you have a secret.
I'll just go digging
through your past until I..
Until you what?
Never mind.
- Bye.
- 'Bye.'
Hey, Jess.
Hey, Joe.
You look good.
How'd your act go over
at the club last night?
I bombed. Those foreign tourist
groups are tough crowds.
I had to keep waiting
for the interpreter
to translate my Bullwinkle.
Thank you and good evening.
[babbling]
My life's going nowhere.
Oh, come on, what happened
to the happy-go-lucky
grinning Joey
we all know and love?
He's gone forever, man.
Jess, no matter what I do,
I can't catch a break.
Come on, today's
a brand-new day.
Yeah, until I read
my bad review in the paper.
[phone ringing]
Well, no paper today.
There's a paper strike.
See that?
Your luck's already changing.
Talk to me.
Joey, it's KFLX Radio.
No, I don't know
how much Deputy Dawg weighs.
What am I, an idiot?
Don't hang up!
Hello. Yes.
Without his gun and badge
Deputy Dawg weighs
exactly 43 pounds.
Really?
I just won two tickets
to the Donny and Marie reunion.
My name's Joey Gladstone.
I'll be by to pick
the tickets up this afternoon.
No, thank you.
Oh, wait, I almost forgot.
I gotta wait for the cable guy.
He's supposed to be here
between 9:00 and 6:00.
[knock on door]
No way, I'm not that lucky.
Hi, I'm Linda
from Hilltop Cable.
You're the cable guy?
Hold on, don't move.
Come right in.
The TV's in the living room.
You're Joey Gladstone,
aren't you?
- Uh-huh.
- I've seen your act.
You are very funny.
You must have
seen it in English.
TV, living room.
Jess, I think she likes me.
How do I look?
Well, you got the Hugh Hefner
robe thing happening
that's a plus.
But I'd buff up
the Ninja Turtle slippers.
I already buffed them once,
but I'll buff 'em again.
Well, everything seems
to be okay now.
I put a booster
on your cable out back.
Oh, thanks.
Wow! We never got the Truck
and Tractor-Pull Network before.
Let's just say
that's our little secret.
Oh, thanks, Linda.
You know, this is really turning
out to be a great day.
Ah, not for me, I just tried
to get Donny and Marie tickets
but they're sold out.
That's amazing. I just won two
front row seats. You wanna go?
Sounds great.
Here's my number.
- Call me later?
- Absolutely.
Oh, I love your slippers.
I'll wear 'em tonight.
- Bye.
- Thank you.
Jess, I got the date.
I'm on the roll of a lifetime.
See that?
That extra buffing paid off.
Let's watch
"Wake Up, San Francisco."
Oh, okay.
Hi, we're back
with a special guest
who works right here
at Channel 8.
I grew up watching this man.
He was like
a father figure to me.
Not that I didn't
have a great father.
Although my dad sometimes did
wear socks with his sandals
which got kind of cheesy, but..
Danny.
Danny, we're only
a half-hour show.
Here he is.
The host of San Francisco's
favorite cartoon kiddie show
"Ranger Roy."
Howdy-ho, junior rangers.
(Becky and Danny)
Howdy-ho, Ranger Roy.
I used to love this guy.
I used to watch him
everyday when I was a kid.
Now everyone give themselves
an official Ranger Roy
bear hug!
Grr..
[grunting]
You got that date just in time.
And now, I..
...I have an announcement
to make to all your viewers.
After 30 years
in the Enchanted Forest
me and my buddy Merle
the Squirrel, are retiring.
- Right, Merle?
- Right, Roy.
We're packing up our nuts
and moving to Florida
to an enchanted condo.
Don't worry, junior rangers.
I'll be choosing a new ranger
to carry on the cartoon fun.
I'd be perfect for that job.
You know, my best friend Joey
would be perfect for that job.
I'm interviewing today.
Bring him on down.
- 'I can't wait to tell him--'
- This is a dream come true.
I can't believe it.
It's my lucky day.
If you want
your luck to last, let go.
♪ Tea for two and two for tea ♪
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪
You're not watching.
Michelle, I watched
all the way to school.
I watched during school.
I watched
all the way home from school.
I watched, and I watched,
and I watched.
Good, now watch this.
♪ Tea for two and two for tea ♪
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪
♪ Tea for two and two for tea ♪
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪♪
Hey, girls, I'd like you to meet
a very special friend of mine.
Say hello to Mr. Woodchuck.
Hi, girls.
Hello, Mr. Woodchuck.
Say, I'm very hungry.
Is that tap board made of..
...wood?
Mr. Woodchuck's gonna
audition with me today
at the "Ranger Roy Show."
And I know I'm gonna get it
because today is my lucky day.
Now, if I could just remember
where I put my car keys.
A $20 bill,
this is my lucky day.
Can you believe that?
My lost Binaca.
I can't miss.
- Wanna see something amazing?
- Sure.
♪ Tea for two and two for tea ♪
♪ Tea for two
and two for tea ♪
♪ Tea for two and two for tea ♪♪
Thanks for meeting
my friend Joey.
- Good luck today.
- Tanner, I never shake hands.
Oh, of course, you invented
the Ranger Roy bear hug.
- Lay one on me.
- Get away from me.
What's the matter?
Well, now that I'm retiring
I can tell you the truth.
I suffer from acute
physical paranoia.
Anyone touches me
I hyperventilate
and break out in hives.
That's why I started that
whole "hug yourself" thing.
Howdy-ho, Ranger Roy.
Oh, this is the comedy genius
I was telling you about,
Joey Gladstone.
- Pleasure to meet you, sir.
- Good luck, Joey.
You can't touch him.
Well, nobody can touch him,
he's a living legend.
But if anybody's gonna
fill his hiking shoes
it might as well be me.
Ranger Roy, here.
Check this out, sir.
Mr. Woodchuck,
Merle the Squirrel
lives here in
the enchanted tree house.
How would you like living there?
Well, I have been looking
to branch out.
Cute. What else have you got?
Well, basically, sir, I do every
cartoon voice known to man.
Well, blow me down. Whoa!
A-gah-gah-gah-gah!
Eh, what's up, doc?
Oh, I hate that rabbit.
Jetson, get in here.
I'm sorry, George.
Gladstone, you're the man
I've been looking for.
- Really? I got the job?
- Hmm.
Oh, thank you, Ranger Roy sir.
Your Highness, Your Woodsiness.
I love you.
Joey.
Stop hugging him, Joey.
You don't know
what this means to me.
I'm just as choked up
about this as you are.
Just let, let go of the man.
Thank you so much for the job.
I gotta call my agent.
This is the luckiest day
of my life!
Forgive Joey. He didn't
know what he was doing.
You made a real
smart move by hiring him.
He's fired.
- Come on, go, go!
- Go, go, go!
- Pull it, go, go!
- Go, go!
- Yes!
Boy, how did we ever live
without the Truck
and Tractor-Pull Channel?
Somebody took my tap shoes.
Does that finger in my face
mean you think it's me?
Duh.
Steph, what do you
know about this?
Well, I know I'm just
as sad about this
tap shoe tragedy as she is.
Oh, puh-lease.
Howdy-ho, junior rangers.
Guess who is the new Ranger Roy!
- 'Alright!'
- Joey, you got the job.
You guys,
talk about a lucky day.
First a newspaper strike
saved me from a bad review.
Then, I won tickets
to Donny and Marie.
Then a beautiful woman
came over and fixed our cable
and she's going out
with me tonight.
I'd pinch myself, but I'd
probably just strike oil.
You guys are gonna love this.
I found out why
Uncle Jesse is so obsessed
with finding cool names
for the twins.
I called grandma
and she said that Uncle Jesse's
real name is Hermes.
Hermes?
I'm married a Hermes?
- I got an Uncle Hermes?
- Yup.
He was teased
so much in kindergarten
that he begged grandma
to change it to Jesse.
Hey, those are my tap shoes.
Drop 'em.
You guys see what Comet dug up?
Well, you know how dogs
like to bury things.
In a plastic bag?
Stephanie Tanner, you should
be ashamed of yourself.
Alright, I did it.
And I'm glad.
All day long it's been
tea for two, tap, tap, tap.
Tea for two, tap, tap.
I couldn't take it anymore!
It was either get rid of those
tap shoes or lose my mind.
Tea for two. Tap, tap, tap.
Tea for two. Tap, tap.
Thank you for finding my shoes,
Uncle Hermes.
You're welcome.
What did you call me?
Uncle Hermes.
That's your name.
Who told you my name was Hermes?
- Grandma.
- She's lying.
Jess.
Okay.
It's...Hermes.
Hermes is not only
the Greek God of swiftness..
...but it's also
my great-grandfather's name.
I'll have you know he saved
the whole town from destruction
when he raced a river of lava
down a mountain barefoot.
Alright, he went
to tell the whole town
that the volcano had erupted.
Of course,
no one was left in the town
because who could miss
a volcano erupting, but..
'...the point
I'm trying to make here'
is the name Hermes is equated
with strength, courage
and very hot feet.
So now, who among you
will make fun of a name
so bold and so courageous
as Hermes, huh?
I'm sorry, honey.
We didn't realize the name
meant so much to you.
So do you want me
to call you Uncle Hermes?
No, what am I,
some kind of geek?
Come here.
Joey, I gotta talk
to you about something.
I know,
the newspaper strike's over
and I got a bad review.
But who cares?
I'm gonna be Ranger Joe.
They can't touch me.
Joey, listen..
[phone rings]
Oh, hold on, one second.
Hello? Uh-huh.
Well, I'll be down right away
to pick up the tickets.
Oh, no.
My fourth cousin's
a janitor at KFLX.
All family members
are disqualified
from winning
the Donny and Marie tickets.
Uh-huh, well, sure, I'll take
a KFLX sweatband. Mm-hmm.
Bye.
Phew! Boy, of all
the rotten luck.
Yeah, speaking of rotten luck..
[knock on door]
Just a second.
- Oh, hi, Linda.
- Joey, bad news.
Oh, no, they're taking away
my Truck and Tractor-Pull
Network, aren't they?
Worse. The whole cable's out.
But we're still on
for that concert, right?
Well, it turns out I don't
have those tickets after all.
That is so typical.
You were just using me.
No, I wasn't. I swear.
You want a KFLX sweatband?
Sure, where is it?
I don't have it right now.
Oh, there's a shock.
Boy, if this wasn't
my lucky day
I'd be a little blue right now.
Joey, sit down, carefully.
Look, um..
...I think Ranger Roy
is having second thoughts
about giving you the job.
Why? What did he say?
- He said you were fired.
- What are you talking about?
He loved me so much
he was speechless.
That's because
he couldn't breathe.
He has a condition known
as acute physical paranoia.
Oh, no.
I was on him like
a piranha on a pork chop.
Oh, my God.
I have to stop that thank-you
telegram I sent him.
How could a telegram hurt?
- Danny, it's a Hug-O-Gram.
- A what?
A guy dressed in a bear suit
who hands you balloons and
gives you a great big bear hug.
I even paid extra
for the tummy rub.
I'm no expert, but I'd say
your lucky streak is over.
Maybe not. Maybe I can still
get a second shot at that job.
I gotta stop that bear.
We're on in one minute.
Ranger Roy?
For me?
And a Hug-O-Gram
from Joey Gladstone.
No, stop that bear!
Get off him, it's a mistake.
Get off him. The man can't
stand to be touched.
- Hey, buddy!
- Sorry about this.
I still owe you
for the tummy rub.
(male #1)
'Yeah, you do.'
Ranger Roy.
I guess you
got your bear hug, huh?
Kids, why don't you
go find a stump?
We're on in 15 seconds.
- Tanner, cover for him.
- Me?
Here, here. Take Merle!
I don't know
anything about puppets.
Except if you machine-wash 'em
their eyes come off.
That's good enough. You're on.
In five, four, three, two.
♪ Ranger Roy ♪
♪ Loved by every girl and boy
he's Ranger Roy ♪♪
Howdy-ho, junior rangers.
Howdy-ho, daddy.
Where's Ranger Roy?
He's, uh, he's taking
a little breather.
It doesn't matter, because I'm
here. I'm Ranger Dan.
If you're a ranger,
where's your uniform?
Oh, well, that's
a very good question
and, uh, here's the answer.
Uh, he's an undercover ranger.
Hey, thank you, Earl.
It's Merle.
He's funny.
Okay, you know what?
It's time to meet
my deputy ranger.
Come on over here,
and, everybody, let's say
Howdy-ho, Ranger Joe.
No, thank you, Ranger Dan.
What Ranger Joe
doesn't realize is
this could be his
big chance to be somebody.
Forget it.
My luck's run out.
Ah, there's a good lesson to be
learned here, boys and girls.
You make your own luck
in this crazy, mixed-up world.
Sit down, buddy.
Kids, let's all give a big
howdy-ho to Ranger Joe.
(all)
Howdy-ho, Ranger Joe!
Go get 'em, buddy.
Howdy-ho, junior rangers.
Junior rangers,
what do you say we say hello
to the hippest
coolest critter
in the forest, Mr. Woodchuck.
(all)
'Yay!'
Thank you, Ranger Joe.
Thank you, kids.
So, uh, how do you like living
here in the Enchanted Forest?
Well, it looks delicious.
I've never seen so much..
...wood.
It kind of reminds me
of where I'm from.
Oakland.
Hey, kids, how would you like
to hear a Mr. Woodchuck joke?
(all)
Yay!
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Isadoor.
- Isadoor who?
Is a door made of..
...wood?
Howdy-ho, junior rangers.
(all)
Howdy-ho, Ranger Roy!
Well, junior rangers,
it looks like Ranger Roy's
back in the Enchanted Forest.
So I'll just take a hike
to the
Enchanted Unemployment Office.
Not so fast.
I have an announcement.
This show is the last one
for Merle and me.
(all)
Oh.
But the good news is
Ranger Joe is taking over.
(all)
Yay!
Aw, shucks, golly!
You really mean it, Ranger Roy?
The smiles on these faces
show me that I've made
the right choice.
So, here's your
official ranger hat.
Wow! It fits and everything.
This is the luckiest day
of my life.
Okay, kids,
now let's give Ranger Joe..
...a great big bear hug.
Okay, kids, cut it out.
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪♪
[theme music]