- Now could we lick the spatula?
- No, not yet.
Stephanie's birthday cake has
to be perfect so keep frosting.
Now could we lick the spatula?
Yes, now we can lick
the spatula.
It's about time.
(Rebecca)
'Whoa, whoa, whoa, Michelle.'
Michelle, now we have
to make some more frosting.
Really, what a shame?
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy
evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here
somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
that knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Okay, let's see,
it's Friday, right?
That means I clean
the baby bottles
and you clean the baby bottoms.
Hey, there's
my two biggest fans.
[imitating Bullwinkle]
Boy, Rock, I gotta get
more sleep. I'm seeing double.
Oh, would you look at that?
I got them laughing again.
Well, Joey,
don't get too excited.
They crack up at anything.
Yeah, yesterday I blew my nose,
they busted a gut.
I'll make 'em laugh.
[imitating Bullwinkle]
Hello, I'm Michelle Winkle.
I said I'm Michelle Winkle,
get it?
Hey, what's your problem?
This is funny stuff.
Don't worry, sweetie.
I think they're just tired.
Come on, boys.
You need your beauty sleep.
Uh, you mean their ruggedly
handsome sleep.
Oh, yeah, right.
Ruggedly handsome.
- Say, goodbye, Uncle Joey.
- Bye.
I wanna be funny like you.
No problem at all, Michelle.
Welcome to Joey Gladstone's
Comedy College.
You'll have those babies
laughing so hard
there won't be a dry diaper
in the house.
[laughing]
[imitating Joey]
Not a bad power laugh.
Little more power,
less laugh.
- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha!
Hey, not bad. Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha.
- There you go.
Come on, dad, please,
take me to your show today.
I got to meet Tommy Page. Maybe
he'll autograph his picture.
Sweetheart, I'll try
to get him to sign it
for you,
but you cannot cut school
just because some rock star's
on my show.
He's not just any rock star.
His poster's hanging
over my bed.
He's the last thing I see
before I fall asleep.
Except the inside
of my eyelids.
This is so cute.
Stephanie's
first childhood crush.
You know, I had the same thing
with George Michael
until his earrings
got bigger than mine.
I am not a child.
Today is my tenth birthday.
The big 1-0.
Dad, I can't believe you
wouldn't let your own daughter
meet her all-time favorite
singer in the whole universe
on her birthday,
and I thought you loved me.
[clapping]
- Great guilt trip.
- Thanks.
- Did it work?
- No.
I'm losing my touch.
Okay, get out of here.
Have fun at school.
Okay.
You know, dad,
that was pretty cold.
I mean, it is her birthday,
and she does worship the guy.
Okay, look, I'm gonna tell you
something but you gotta keep it
a secret, alright?
I told Tommy
what a big fan Stephanie is
and he agreed to stop
by her party after school today.
Dad, Stephanie's gonna go nuts.
I know. Am I the raddest,
baddest dad a kid ever had?
You were until you said that.
[music playing]
Here you go, boys.
Whoa!
[cheering]
Say, yo, yo, yo,
this is Joey Joe Badstone
at Stephanie Tanner's
tenth birthday party.
Pumping up the jams
and jamming up the pumps.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. Hey, neither do I.
Alright, everybody, party.
[music continues]
Uncle Jesse, none
of the boys will dance.
Oh, alright.
I'll help you out here.
Alright, fellas, listen up.
Now, I realize you guys might be
a little shy around women.
You know, you're-you're
wondering if you're over moussed
under deodorized.
I know how you feel.
You mean,
you were shy around girls?
Now what am I? A dork?
Now go ask them to dance.
(all)
'Oh!'
Girls, alright,
it's ladies' choice.
Grab your favorite guy
and go for it.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Not me. The little ones.
(all)
'Eww!'
♪ It's such a sweet sensation ♪
♪ Yo it's about that time ♪
♪ To bring forth the rhythm
and the rhyme ♪
♪ I'm a get mine so get yours ♪
♪ I wanna see sweat
comin' out your pores ♪
♪ On the house tip
is how I'm swinging this ♪
♪ Strictly hip hop boy
I ain't singing this.. ♪♪
Where is Tommy Page?
Tell him his love slave is ready
to fulfill his every wish.
D.J., why did you tell Kimmy?
Because I tell Kimmy everything.
Okay, then tell her to go home.
No can do, Mr. T.
I saw Tommy's limo outside.
Now where are you hiding
that hunkalicious boy toy?
He's waiting downstairs.
Freeze, Gibbler.
I need him in one piece.
Now look, right now, I want
the two of you to go out there
and tell Jesse and Joey
that we're ready, alright?
And, Kimmy, please don't do
anything to embarrass us.
I'll be a perfect lady..
...until I see Tommy.
Then you'll have
to hose me down.
Tommy!
Joey, he's ready.
Come on.
Alright.
Everybody, please move back.
Stephanie, please have
a seat right here, honey.
Sweetheart, this is my special
gift, from me to you.
[Tommy Page
singing "Stephanie"]
Tommy Page!
[screaming]
♪ Yes I understand ♪
♪ That you're not ready
for me in your life ♪
♪ But do you understand
that leavin' you ♪
♪ Is gonna cut my heart
just like a knife ♪
♪ Though our roads may
take us separate places ♪
♪ Somewhere down the line ♪
♪ I'll be waiting
for you patiently ♪
♪ Hoping that someday ♪
♪ You'll be mine ♪
♪ Stephanie ♪
♪ You mean everything to me ♪
♪ You're what
dreams are made of ♪
♪ You're the girl I love ♪
♪ Stephanie ♪
♪ How I wish
that I could hold you ♪
♪ In my arms forever ♪
♪ For eternity ♪
♪ Stephanie ♪
♪ Oh Stephanie ♪
♪ Mmm mmm mmm ♪♪
[cheering and applauding]
Happy birthday, Stephanie.
- Thanks.
- Happy birthday, sweetheart.
Dad, he's the best
birthday present ever.
Can I keep him?
Deej, you can let go now.
I'll be cool.
Tommy!
- Hello.
- Hi.
I'm Stephanie's best friend,
Kimmy Gibbler.
Can I have your autograph?
Just sign it, "To Kimmy,
the woman of my dreams."
Kimmy, he writes music,
not science fiction.
Now, look. It's no problem.
Where do you want me to sign it?
Oh, here, autograph my shoe.
(all)
Eeww.
Okay, that's enough.
But wait a minute.
He didn't sign it yet.
- Yeah, it's fine.
- Come on.
Tommy, I've never seen
that woman before in my life.
Thanks so much for coming.
Uh, would you sign my CD?
You're the birthday girl.
Thanks. Be right back.
Don't move.
Watch him till I get back.
Hey, Jess, thanks for your help
on the piano, man.
- It really sounded great.
- Oh, my pleasure, thank you.
You know, I, uh, I dabble
in music myself there, uh, Tom.
You may heard of my band,
Jesse and The Rippers?
Yeah. Didn't you play
in Seattle this summer?
Yes, we did. Yes.
We played a little club near
the university over there. Yeah.
Oh, cool. Yeah, I was playing
at the Kingdome.
Kingdome, yeah, well,
that's nice
if you're into, you know,
big stadiums and lot of money.
I, I prefer to play
the small intimate places
where I can split a pizza
with my audience.
If you'll excuse us.
Hi, Tommy.
My name is Michelle.
Oh, hi, Michelle.
It's really nice to meet you.
My birthday's in November.
Start working on my song.
- You're funny.
- I'm in Comedy College.
Ba ha ha ha!
Hi, I'm Stephanie's sister, D.J.
Is this your first time
in San Francisco?
Yeah, but I haven't really had
the chance to see anything yet.
Oh, you should go to Chinatown
and Fisherman's Wharf.
Well, maybe you could show me
around tomorrow?
Me? I'd love to.
I'm back, I'm back,
I'm back, I'm back.
Sorry, I took so long.
Whoa, Steph, how many gallons
of perfume did you put on?
I just put on one little dab..
...on every inch of my body.
Could you sign this?
I'll treasure it forever.
Sure.
To Stephanie.
Love, Tommy.
- Wow!
- There you go.
[instrumental music]
Which sounds better, Comet?
Mrs. Tommy Page?
Stephanie Page?
Stephanie Tanner Page?
Or Mrs. Stephanie
Judith Tanner Page?
No, Comet,
you don't get a belly rub
until we decide what's going
on these wedding invitations.
[D.J. laughing]
(DJ)
'Hey, thanks for a great day,
Tommy.'
I never ate tacos
in a limo before.
Actually, I've never
been in a limo before.
Yeah, I kinda figured that out
when you went to go
sit up in the front seat
with the chauffeur.
Hey, listen, do you wanna
come to my concert tonight?
I can get you backstage passes.
- Yeah, that would be great.
- 'Great.'
'Well, I gotta go downstairs.
Jesse's waiting for me.'
I promised Stephanie I'd make
her a tape of that song.
Well, thanks
for a really great day.
I'll see you later.
Yes.
[instrumental music]
Okay, Alex, Nicky.
I'm gonna teach you
your first word.
Are you ready?
Mommy.
Nicky, and Alex,
get ready to laugh.
Because here comes
the first graduate
of Joey Gladstone's
Comedy College.
Michelle Shecky Tanner!
Boy, do I got a headache.
Ha ha ha.
Maybe you didn't see
this arrow in my head.
Joey, I'm dyin' out here.
Well, Michelle, maybe you should
just go to your big finish.
- Do I have to do this?
- Mm-hmm.
Everybody knows that a pie
in the face is the oldest joke
in the book, but we also know
that it always gets a laugh.
- Okay, let me have it.
- Okay.
Are you ready?
I am ready.
I did it. I am funny.
Michelle, I'm supposed
to throw the pie in your face.
This was funnier.
Well, just for that,
you get a big, sloppy kiss.
- Hi, Steph.
- Hello.
Aunt Becky,
can we talk woman-to-woman?
Sure, but I thought
you'd be downstairs
listening to Tommy
record your song.
This is more important.
What would you do
if another woman
stole Uncle Jesse from you?
Oh, well, sweetheart,
that would never happen
because your Uncle Jesse and I
have a loving and committed
relationship based on
mutual trust and respect.
Pfft! She'd never know
what hit her.
Got it, Aunt Becky.
She's toast.
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. This
is about a boy at your party?
Well, yeah, sort of.
He really liked me.
But another woman stole my man
right out from under my nose.
The scuzz queen.
You're kidding.
So who is this scuzz queen?
Well, she was like a sister
to me, but not any more.
I'm gonna win him back.
Well, Steph, there's nothing
wrong with letting him know
why you're the one
he should be with.
Right, and if that doesn't work,
she's toast.
I know, he's here.
Where did you stash him?
Tommy's downstairs
in the studio recording
but I can't go down
until the red light's off.
Alright, Tanner.
I want details.
What happened
with you and Tommy?
- Before or after he kissed me?
- No!
You were lip wrestling
with the stud puppy?
I am so happy for you.
Now..
...mind if I take
a crack at him?
Yes, I mind, he's not
running a kissing booth.
We're starting
a real relationship.
Hey, it was worth a shot.
Well, good luck, Deej.
When that red light goes off,
it's a green light for love.
♪ Oh Stephanie ♪
♪ Mmm mmm mmm ♪♪
Alright. Good job.
Come on out.
That was really nice of you to
write that song for Stephanie.
Thanks, but, you know,
I gotta be honest.
I didn't really write
it for Stephanie.
I wrote it
for my girlfriend, Melanie.
I just changed all the Melanies
to Stephanies.
Well, well, do me a favor.
Don't mention that to Stephanie.
[chuckles]
Do me a favor.
Don't mention it to Melanie.
I just happen to see
the red light go off.
Not that I was like waiting
for the red light to go off
because I do have a life,
but since, well, it did go off
I just thought I'd come down,
see why it went off.
- Oh, hi, Tommy.
- Hi, D.J.
- Oh, hi, Tommy.
- Oh, hi, Stephanie.
Oh, that's right. I'm
the invisible uncle. I forgot.
Listen, I'm-I'm gonna
go get something to drink.
What do you want, Tommy?
(both)
Ice tea, lemon, no sugar.
Well, say the magic word, Tommy
and bada-bing!
I'm back in the room.
I got the party pictures back.
Here's a nice one of us,
suitable for framing.
So, don't you have
something to do?
Don't you worry your pretty,
little, pointed head about me.
Steph, I really don't think
Tommy wants to look at pictures
of a ten year old's
birthday party.
- No, it's okay.
- No, D.J.'s right.
You'd probably rather look
at pictures of her.
- Hmm?
- What pictures?
Here's one of D.J.
when she had the mumps.
Doesn't she remind you
of Mr. Potato Head?
- Give me that.
- Here's my favorite.
- D.J.'s first bath.
- Oh!
- You're dead.
- And look.
In this one, you can see
the little rash on her fanny.
Yeah! Check it out.
That's it. Excuse us.
But I would like to have
a little chat with my sister.
No, that's okay. I don't
really feel like chatting.
I do. Now.
Don't worry, Tommy,
I'll be right back.
No, she won't. I promise.
Stephanie, how could you
do this to me?
What about what you did to me,
you backstabbing
boyfriend-stealing traitor?
What? You thought Tommy was
your boyfriend? You're dreaming.
- He was too my boyfriend.
- Alright, girls.
And he's gonna dump you
and come back to me
after he finds out
you drool in your sleep.
- I do not.
- Yes, you do.
And I have the picture
to prove it.
- Uh, girls.
- Where did you get that?
You didn't know I took this, did
you? I knew it'd come in handy.
- Alright.
- Give me that, you little worm.
Girls! Girls!
- What's this all about?
- I don't know.
- But there they go.
- Girls.
- 'D.J.'
- 'Come on.'
- Hey, hey, Jesse.
What is going on here?
Next time you bring a star home,
try Angela Lansbury.
Stephanie thinks
Tommy is her boyfriend
and she's showing him
embarrassing pictures of me.
He was too my boyfriend
till you stole him.
- You're insane.
- I am not insane.
He signed my CD
"Love, Tommy."
He signed my CD
"Love, Tommy."
But he wrote a special song
just for me.
And he kissed me.
I love him and he loves me.
Look, Steph, um..
I know you feel
very strongly about this
and I don't mean
to hurt your feelings but..
...I don't think
this is really love.
I-I think it's just a crush,
you know.
Yeah, Steph. Your dad's right.
You know, when it's really love,
your-your heart starts pounding
and-and-and your toes curl,
and you start sweating, and..
Well, this isn't it.
Hey, Steph.
Look, we all know what
you're going through, okay?
And sometimes, you wish
for something so badly
that, you, uh,
start believing it's true.
Yeah, Steph, face reality.
Tommy was just being nice.
He's not in love with you.
He's in love with me.
What?
When did this happen?
You just met him.
Well, I know we only spent
a couple of hours together
and it's true we haven't
talked about commitment yet
but I think
it's getting pretty serious.
You know that nice, little talk
we just had with Stephanie?
Well, right about now,
I think
we're gonna have that talk
with you.
Dad, Stephanie is a child.
I am a woman.
Is it safe for me
to come up yet?
Tommy, would you please
straighten everybody out
about what's going on
between us?
Well, D.J. and I
had a really fun day
and I hope
that we could be good friends.
Friends?
You mean, just friends?
Yeah. I'm sorry
if you misunderstood.
Well, now,
that she's out of the way
I guess it's just
you and me, Thomas.
Stephanie, I wanna be friends
with you too.
You mean, friends like
you're just friends with D.J.?
Uh-huh.
But you wrote "Love, Tommy"
on my CD.
I always write "Love, Tommy."
Sometimes I'll even forget,
and I'll write it for a guy.
Yeah, you-you gotta watch that.
Look, I didn't mean
to cause any trouble.
I hope you'll still come
to my concert tonight, okay?
I gotta go.
It's nice meeting you all.
- Yeah, nice meeting you, Tommy.
- Tommy, thanks for this.
- Thanks a lot.
- Thanks a lot, Tommy.
- Tommy, are you leaving?
- Yeah.
But it was really great
meeting you, Michelle.
Well, you are such a babe.
Thanks. Goodbye.
I'm gonna marry him.
Oh, man. It never ends.
Can I help you?
Well, I thought if I'm miserable
and you're miserable
we might as well
be miserable together.
Sit. Be miserable.
I was so dumb.
I was so sure he liked me.
At least you didn't make up
wedding invitations.
But you know what
the weirdest part is?
Everything dad, Joey,
and Uncle Jesse said was right.
I hate when that happens.
If this was just a crush,
I don't know if I can take it
when I really fall in love.
- What's that gonna feel like?
- I don't know.
I don't think I've ever
really been in love before.
But I hear it's pretty intense.
I hear the same thing.
You know what I just realized?
I am sitting here talking
to you about love and boys.
Steph, you're really growing up.
I must be, 'cause ever since
I turned ten
life got so complicated.
Well, one day, we're gonna
be dating like crazy.
And I want you to know
that I will never ever
steal one of your boyfriends.
Because guys are gonna come,
and guys are gonna go
but you and I
will be sisters forever.
Sisters forever.
And I want every one of those
embarrassing pictures back.
You got it.
- And the negatives.
- We'll talk.
[Tommy Page
singing "Stephanie"]
♪ Yes I understand ♪
♪ That you're not ready
for me in your life ♪♪
[theme music]
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪