[theme music]
Oh, Michelle, look at you.
Your very first cleaning belt.
Honey, it seems
like only yesterday
you could barely
hold a Handi Wipe and..
Now look at you, sweetheart,
you got your own squeegee.
I'm really growing up.
Yes, you are.
You know, I'm gonna tell you
a little secret.
D.J. and Stephanie, they've
never really fully appreciated
the beauty of tidiness.
But you, Michelle,
you are the one
that can carry
the Tanner tradition
of total cleanliness
into the 21st century.
I can do it.
I know you can.
Because what are we?
We're the lean, mean,
cleaning machine.
Let the spring-cleaning begin.
Oh, you know what,
before we call the others in
let's practice
your squeegee technique
on this table,
right here, okay?
Okay, take out
your squeegee.
Now, feet spread
slightly apart.
'Shoulders level.'
'Okay, choke up
on the handle.'
Now, keep your eye
on the dirt at all times.
'Do it, baby.'
You're a natural.
I learned from the best.
[instrumental music]
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evening TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's ♪
♪ Confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird that
knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell your
dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a place ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Ready? Ah, peekaboo.
'Oh.'
'Where's Mommy?'
Peekaboo.
Where's Mommy? Ah.
Peekaboo.
Where's Mommy?
(Joey)
'Behind your hands.
What am I, a dummy?'
Joey.
[gasps]
Joey, look!
'Nicky's crawling!'
My baby can crawl!
Oh, my gosh, Becky,
your son's turned into a walrus.
Jess! Jess, come quick!
Oh, your dad is gonna be
so proud of you.
What?
Jess, you have to see
what Nicky did.
Hey, it's your turn
to change him.
No, Jess,
Nicky can crawl. Look.
Doesn't, uh, crawling involve
some sort of movement?
Well, I swear, honey,
he was just crawling up
a storm a minute ago.
Go get the camera.
- So we can video tape it.
- Alright.
- 'Jess! Quick!'
- What?
Kid's a potato.
Jess, I swear he was really
hauling tush.
Yeah, it's true, honey.
He doesn't do it
when you're around.
Then fine. I'll just sit here
until he crawls, that's all.
- 'Jess!'
- 'What?'
Nothing.
Guess what day it is?
It's spring-cleaning day.
The happiest day
of the year.
Alright, gang.
Come on, let's humor him.
It's time to clean.
Let's squeegee!
Dad, do we have
to do this today?
The dirt will be here
next weekend.
Yeah, it's the first
sunny day in weeks.
Don't worry, you guys are gonna
get to go outside.
One of your jobs is to,
"polish and clean the mailbox."
Hot dog.
Alright, Danny, it's your own
personal Christmas.
What fun you have
in store for us today?
Well, this could be
the most exciting
spring-cleaning since '88.
Oh, yeah,
that was the year I got to
simonize the rain gutters.
Hey, Jess,
maybe you can take
a crack at the rain gutters
this year.
My ship has finally
come in.
Okay, everybody.
It is time for the traditional
handing out of the assignments.
Okay. Excuse me.
Each area of responsibility
has been personally selected
to reflect the strengths
and abilities
of each and every member
of the cleaning crew.
Oh, man,
I got toilets again?
Well, who knows them
better than you, really?
What's my job, Daddy?
What's your job?
You get to be Daddy's
special helper.
I'm Daddy's
special helper.
Well, pin a rose
on your nose.
Okay, troops, dirt is the enemy
we take no prisoners.
Now, get out there
and make me proud.
On your mark,
get set, clean!
♪ Grab your Brillo
and your broom ♪
♪ Grab your Brillo
and your broom ♪
♪ Danny is a loony tune ♪
♪ Sound off ♪♪
How did I get stuck
waxing this guy?
Hola, Tanneritos.
- Hi, Kimmy.
- Come on, Deej.
The football team's
having a car wash.
If we hurry, we can see
the entire defensive of line
in wet tank tops.
Sorry, Kimmy,
but we're doing spring-cleaning.
Hey, dad will be happy.
There's only one wad of Joey's
gum under here this year.
Alright, I'm finished
with the fireplace.
Let's see, what's next?
Clean the logs?
Well, there. I finished cleaning
every toilet in the house.
They're spotless.
So if you have to go
to the bathroom
please go to
the Texaco station.
What's wrong
with you people?
How can you get
this house any cleaner?
It's already the
cleanest house in America.
For the first time, Gibbler
actually is making some sense.
Had to happen
some time.
- Fresh sponges.
- Get them while they're hot.
Danny, we don't need
sponges, alright.
We did all our jobs,
the house is clean.
- We're out of here.
- Right, we'll see you later.
Bye.
(Danny)
'Freeze!'
Are you're telling me
you guys have cleaned
this entire house
in two hours?
Oh, puh-lease.
Danny, we've been working here.
Check the statue.
Okay, I'll do just that.
Get my trusty rag
out here.
Okay.
Little wax in his ear,
but, uh, not bad.
Okay, let's move on.
Jesse, I believe your job
was to clean the fireplace.
Special helper,
white glove, please.
My pleasure.
We never clean at my house.
We move in, trash the place
for five years,
then move out.
Okay, here we go.
Just check in here.
Ha.
Well..
...what do we have here?
Yes, what do we have here?
Man, it's just a little soot.
[scoffs]
Just a little soot?
Did you hear that, Michelle?
I'm afraid I did.
You know, I've been making
random inspections
of every room in the house
and so far
I've found the following,
mold, mildew
fungus, soap scum.
[gasps]
Not soap scum.
- Yes, soap scum.
- Ooh!
Guys, come on.
Once a year I ask you
all to roll up your sleeves
and really do a job
on this house.
Now, if you're gonna do a job
you gotta give it 100%.
Otherwise, let's not
do a job at all.
Hey, let's not
do the job at all.
- Sounds good.
- 'Oh, come on.'
I know you don't mean that.
You all take as much pride
in a clean house as I do.
Now, let's get back
out there and really clean.
And when you're all done, I got
a special surprise for you.
You're taking us
to Happy Mountain?
No, it's even better
than that, honey.
I'm putting new shelf paper
in all of your closets.
Yay!
What?
[instrumental music]
Everyone, come in.
I have to tell you something.
- What?
- Come on.
What is it?
Is it just me, or is Dad
worse than ever this year?
Hey, there's nothin' wrong
with your dad
wanting to be little clean.
Alright, wanting to be
very clean.
Alright, he's a psycho
with a dust mop.
It's not just the cleaning.
He gets so carried away.
He's the only parent who packs
a coaster in your lunch.
What about all his rules?
Does it really matter if you
chew each bite of food 24 times?
Yesterday, I only did it 22
and let me tell you,
it felt good.
Well, your dad does like
to pay attention to detail.
Every detail,
on every subject..
...in the universe.
What drives you crazier?
His-his stories or his rambles?
What's the difference?
Here you are.
Did we forget today
that it was spring-cleaning?
That's another thing.
He turned our
sweet little Michelle
into a junior neat freak.
Michelle, do you really care
if the inside
of the chimney is clean?
Yes, I do.
And so does Santa Claus.
She's totally brainwashed.
Everything should be washed.
Now let's get busy!
Poor kid.
She's really turning into Dad.
Yeah, before you know it,
she's gonna start rambling.
Making up crazy rules.
Making stupid schedules.
The last thing we need
around here is another Danny.
- Yeah, I hear you.
- Yeah.
[instrumental music]
Dad's coming down.
Line up for inspections.
Do we line up by size,
alphabetically or by age?
IQ. Joey, you're at the end
of the line.
Okay, everybody stand up
straight and look clean.
Ready for inspection,
O Prince of Tidiness.
Here's your white glove.
Uh, I won't be needing
that, honey.
There's not gonna be
any inspection.
No inspection?
Dad, we just cleaned
for four hours.
Well, thanks, but, uh..
Look, I'm gonna take
a little drive
up to the mountains and just
do some thinking, okay.
So I'll be back later.
You guys just
have a nice day.
[instrumental music]
[water gurgling]
Atta boy, Norman.
You're doing great.
Boy, the guy at the Rent-A-Burro
place was right.
I'm glad I sprang
for the midsize. Alright.
Keep going.
Alright! You made it.
Good boy!
Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, this feels great.
I'm gonna start riding
a burro to work every day.
Oh, man,
would you look at that.
Come here, Norman.
Right there is fine.
That's fine.
You know..
...I've had a lot of time
to think today.
Oh, man,
what an eye opener.
You should've been
in that closet with me.
People I love most in the world
think I'm nothing but a..
...compulsive, neurotic,
rambling jackass.
No offense.
How did I get
so messed up?
Guess it goes
back to my mom.
On my 5th birthday,
she gave me my own
set of vacuum cleaner
attachments.
She used to call me
her special helper.
Oh, my God.
That's exactly
what I'm doing to Michelle.
She-she's probably
gonna grow up and..
...write one of those tell all
books, "Daddy Cleanest."
I-I gotta make some
changes in my life.
Norman, thanks
for listening to me, buddy.
I guess you get a lotta guys
who come here just to talk, huh?
Hey, if you're ever
in San Francisco
drop by for
some cappuccino okay?
[sighs]
Isn't this view amazing?
Oh, man.
Nature is just so beautiful.
[inhales]
It's so...so natural.
And yet...so dirty.
Look at this.
Th-there's dirt everywhere.
Look, look at
this mountain, Norman.
It's-It's just one
big pile of dirt.
But do you animals care
if the forest isn't vacuumed?
I saw what you did on
the trail back there, Norman.
For you guys, nature is just one
big restroom, isn't it?
[sighs]
You know what?
From now on..
...there's gonna be
a new Danny Tanner.
Somebody who everybody likes
and they wanna be around.
Norman, it's the dawn
of a new man.
Yeah, natural.
Spontaneous, carefree..
[inhales deeply]
...primitive.
[ululating]
Join me, Norman.
Join me.
[ululating]
[braying]
'Chime in, baby.'
[Danny ululating]
Alright, boys. Come on, crawl
for your daddy, okay?
Come on, i-it's very simple,
it's right hand, left knee.
Left hand, right knee.
Very simple. Let's take off.
You guys wanna race?
Alright, here we go.
On your mark, get set
and we out of here.
Let's go boys.
Okay, boys, come on, come..
Look, Joey,
Jess learned to crawl.
Oh, what a good boy.
I wanna see my kids crawl.
Is that too much to ask
for a father?
- Jess, look!
- What?
[babies cooing]
Look at this,
my boys are crawlin'.
They're mobile.
Alright! Boys!
They're not just, uh,
lumps of potatoes anymore.
They're-they're actually
like little Slinkies.
Now we're gonna have
to baby proof the house.
That's alright,
we'll dig their gates out.
Good going, boys, alright!
You're such a good boy.
Hey, you guys, do some laps
around the playpen
till we make this place
safe for you.
Dad's back.
Yeah, we just saw him pull up.
I'm home!
- Danny.
- Hi, how you doing?
- Whoa.
Dad, someone has to say it.
You don't smell good.
Honey, I-I smell like nature.
Like the mountains
and the trees.
You smell like
a donkey to me.
But, hey, it's just great
to have you back.
[coughing]
Yeah, don't worry about it.
There we go.
Danny, aren't you gonna
pick that up?
Sure, next time
I go out.
You see, everybody,
I've changed all my priorities.
You can say goodbye
to Captain Clean
because from now on..
...I'm gonna live
my life totally natural.
Hmm. Naked?
Oh, great, potato chips.
Thank you. I'm starved.
Mmm. Thank you.
Who the heck is that guy?
A man works up a powerful
thirst riding a burro.
Dad, you're drinking
from the milk carton.
You said that was illegal.
Well, the new law is,
hey, it's cool.
Danny, were you kidnapped
by the Grateful Dead?
Hey, who's the
tall dirty guy?
[sniffs]
Who smells like a donkey?
Hola, Gibblerito.
Is that really you?
I'll find out
if it's the real him.
The real Danny Tanner
would not tolerate
a nice glop of chocolate
on his nice clean refrigerator.
There you go.
What do you say to that?
What do I say to that?
I say, hey, it's cool.
Okay, yeah,
that-that's fine.
But so what if
somebody a little
less mature came along
and turned that
little glop of chocolate
into a smiley face, huh?
Daddy, do something!
Joey's makin' a mess!
I'll do something.
I'll add some hair.
There we go.
Alright. Perfect.
I'll find out if
it's for real.
Okay, Mr. T, have a cow
and toss my rear out of here.
Oh, Kimmy, I love
your high jinks.
Daddy, you're scaring me.
Oh, don't worry, honey.
Your dad's just
a fun-loving guy.
Not some psycho
with a dust mop.
Come on, everybody, why don't
we have some ice cream?
That'll be fun.
Here we go.
Everybody, grab a spoon.
No dishes?
No, sweetheart, we're gonna eat
this right out of the carton.
Mmm, there you go.
This is very wrong,
but I'll eat it.
Dig in.
Come on, you guys.
[instrumental music]
Oh, man.
Fix this.
Here we go.
Alright. Yeah.
That looks a lot more natural.
Okay. Oh.
Dad, what are you doing?
Oh, I'm, uh,
I'm un-organizing my closet.
What kind of nut
lived in here, huh?
Hey, Danny,
back in the kitchen
when you said
"psycho with a dust mop."
Where'd you get that from?
Oh, I don't know.
Yes, you do.
You heard me say it, didn't you?
Okay, uh, look, I was, uh,
putting shelf paper
in D.J.'s closet
when you all
were having your
little family meeting.
Ouch.
Listen, Danny, we're, uh
we're sorry, we're-we're
embarrassed by that.
We didn't mean those
things we said.
We're just letting
off a little steam, that's all.
No, no, what
you said was true.
And...and
you hurt my feelings but
I'm glad I know how
you really feel about me now.
A-and I've changed.
Let me show you.
Watch this.
No more baking soda
in my sock drawer.
There you go.
You girls have
a brand new dad.
I don't want a new dad.
I'll chew each bite 24 times,
just like you said.
I just want my old dad back.
So do I.
Who cares if you're
a neat freak?
If it wasn't for you,
I would never make my bed.
Me neither.
You guys really
mean all this?
Danny, of course we mean it.
You keep this family running.
Yeah, you keep us organized.
And there's nine people
living here.
Without you,
it'd be total chaos.
You know, I think
I went too far the other way.
I gotta find a balance between
Captain Clean
and Sergeant Sludge.
And could you help
Michelle find a balance?
Today, she made my bed,
and I was still in it.
Yeah, I guess I better have
a talk with my special helper.
But, you know what,
I-I gotta vacuum up
this baking soda first
'cause it's driving me crazy.
Listen, before you do that, uh,
do us all kind of a big favor.
Take a shower.
Okay. I'll be right out.
[instrumental music]
Michelle, I, uh
think we have
to have a little talk.
I lined up all my animals.
They go to little to big.
Look, sweetheart.
Why do you want
your animals like that?
Because they're neat
and they're clean
and that's the way
you like them.
Sweetie, come here.
Honey..
...I think it's wonderful that
you want things neat and clean.
But sometimes your dad likes
things a little bit
too neat and too clean.
And too much
of anything is not good.
Even ice cream?
Yes, even ice cream.
Look, I think maybe you should
be a little less like your dad
and maybe a little more
like your sisters.
You want me to be a slob?
No, I don't want you
to be a slob.
But just because your dad
likes things neat and tidy
doesn't mean you have
to be exactly like me.
I just want you to be
Michelle Tanner.
I can do it.
Oh. That's great, honey.
Now, are you sure you want
your animals to sleep like that?
Could they sleep
on my bed with me?
Yeah, but only
if you get in it.
Go ahead.
I'll throw them to you.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Here's Blinky and Pookie.
Here's Jimmy.
There, here's
a little Joel bear with
the beautiful
little blue ribbon.
[theme music]