[theme music]
Alright, Michelle, now we don't
wanna drown the plants, okay?
We just want to spray 'em.
So two squirts per plant, okay?
Here we go.
One...two.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oops, I missed the plant.
"Oops, I missed the plant."
You specifically aimed
at my coif, young lady.
There's only
one way to handle this
squirt bottles at three paces.
Follow me,
we'll do it like they did
in the Old West, alright?
Now, we go back to back,
and we take three paces.
And we turn around
and we fire, got it?
Alright, here we go.
One.
Two.
- Three!
- Hey, hey, hey.
That's not how
they do it in the Old West.
I never heard of the Old West.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ When did I get
to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a place
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out
there and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, listen to this, Becky.
"What a surprise.
"Thank you,
Bay Area Broadcasters.
"I never dreamed I'd be honored
with this, uh, prestigious award
for Best Talk Show Host."
No, that sounds too rehearsed.
How about, uh,
"What an incredible surprise!
I only wish I would've
prepared a speech."
Danny, give it up.
We're never gonna win.
Every year,
"Wake Up, San Francisco"
gets beaten by
"Up and At 'Em, Oakland."
I don't know what
people see in that show.
Cheerleaders wrestling
in a syrup pit.
Howdy-ho, fellow nominees.
(together)
Howdy-ho, Ranger Joe.
You guys ready
for the awards show tonight?
I am so nervous,
I've never been
nominated for
anything in my life.
Neither has Mr. Woodchuck.
I hope we win.
Knock on..
...wood.
- Hi.
- Hi, Deej.
- Deej, where were you?
- Oh, I was just hangin' out.
Well, you're 45 minutes
late, you should've called.
Why don't you just strap
a beeper collar on her
and track her
like a wilder beast?
Why don't you just
go live with a wilder beast?
Look, dad, I'm sorry.
But the hottest band
in school's
coming over to use
Uncle Jesse's studio.
So please don't
do anything to embarrass me.
Deej, when did I ever do
anything to embarrass you?
Today.
Come on in, guys.
- Everybody, this is Pete.
- How's it going?
Tim, Tony and Sludge.
The Funky Tongues.
The Funky Tongues?
Boy, I could've used you guys
when I was licking stamps
for my Christmas cards.
Well, that took care of today.
- The studio's downstairs.
- Thanks.
And, D.J., you're lookin'
real good today.
Thanks.
What, uh, what did
that guy mean by
D.J., you know, you're
looking real good today?
I think he meant she was
looking real good today.
Why didn't he say
a thing to me?
I'm looking real good today.
Danny, you're
looking real good today.
♪ You're gonna burn ♪
♪ You're gonna burn ♪♪
That was, uh,
loud and painful.
Thank you.
Alright, here we go.
You guys got yourself
your very own demo.
- Yes. Thank you.
- Alright! Way to go, man.
Okay, don't get
too excited now.
Just 'cause you have a demo
doesn't mean you're gonna
get a record deal, fellas.
Oh, that's cool and
we're just in it for the women.
Hey, man, this guitar
is a ticket to Babeland.
Oh, you know, I, uh..
...got a few chicks, uh,
in the old days myself.
Oh, yeah? Did you have
a band in high school?
Fourth grade.
Come on, guys.
- Hi.
- Hey, girls.
- Hi.
- So, Pete, I've been thinking.
You know what your band needs?
A couple of fly girls.
♪ Bo chi bo bo bo chi bo ♪
Come on, Deej, be a fly girl.
♪ Bo chi bo bo bo chi bo ♪♪
Kimmy, you're
flying solo on this one.
Uh, thanks for hooking
us up with your uncle.
Listen, you, uh, you wanna
get together tonight?
- Tonight?
- Yeah.
It's kinda short notice.
I'm free.
On second thought
you noticed me, I noticed you.
That's enough notice.
So, Sludge, what are
you doing tonight?
Oh, here, let me
help you with that.
He wants me...bad.
Okay, boys, now your mommy
and daddy are going out, okay?
But it's just for a few hours.
So you guys gotta
stay together, okay?
Don't fall apart,
be very, very strong..
God, I'm gonna miss
you guys so much.
Jess.
- Honey, bad news.
- Hmm.
I just talked to Aunt Ida.
She can't babysit tonight.
What? We have to
go out tonight.
I'm having my
best hair day of the year.
Deej, can you watch the twins?
Sorry, I have a date tonight.
I can do it.
I won't have a date
for five years.
Steph, that's very sweet
but you know what,
you're still a little too young.
I'll do it.
Michelle, you're
younger than me.
I'm just tryin' to help.
Give me a break.
How are we gonna find
a babysitter
at the last minute
on a Friday night?
Hola, Tanneritos.
[no audio]
There you go.
Kimmy can babysit.
Why don't you
just throw your kids
to a pack of wolves?
Hey, I've babysat
for every kid on this block.
The screaming Taylor baby
The Watson brats
and your very own
squirt and squirt junior.
(together)
Don't call me squirt.
...junior!
Jess, let me talk
to you for a second.
Look, I think
we should let Kimmy babysit.
Stephanie's backing her up
and we can call
every 15 minutes.
Every 10 minutes.
Alright, we have no choice.
Kimmy, you're in.
Alright.
My rates are $5 an hour
but since you're
in a bind, it's 7.50.
Oh, one more thing.
I don't do dogs.
I can doggy sit.
Comet will do anything
for a doggy doodle.
Here, Michelle.
Sit up.
See? Good boy, Comet.
Hey, that's pretty good.
Will these doggy doodles
work on the twins?
"And everybody,
I-I'd like to thank
"my orthodontist, Dr. Freidman.
"Uh, without whom I wouldn't
have the perfect smile
that I have today."
[doorbell dings]
Don't get it!
Oh, by the way,
I have a date tonight.
You didn't tell me
you had a date.
- Hi.
- Hey. What's up?
With, uh, Sludge, isn't it?
It's Pete.
Sorry, it's kinda last minute.
- You ready, Deej?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
You know what?
I-I'm not, uh..
Come here, Pete,
why don't we, uh
real quick have a little
father to new date chat?
Alright.
Dad, we're just
going to a movie.
Ah, well that means that Pete,
you'll be driving, huh?
Do you have, uh,
auto insurance?
Collision, comprehensive,
uninsured motorist?
- Yeah, I'm-I'm covered.
- Ah.
Any unpaid parking tickets?
Overdue library books?
Have you had your
flu shot, Pete?
I'm clean.
Ask my parole officer.
Parole officer?
It's a joke.
Chill out.
Dad, could you lay off
the third degree, please?
Pete's a nice guy.
Okay. Okay, you guys,
you have a good-time.
- Alright.
- Be back in 20 minutes.
Whoa, 20 minutes?
Hey, it's a joke.
Chill out.
Drive careful.
Well, how do we look?
You rented a tuxedo
for your dummy?
Yeah, and he looks
pretty snappy, doesn't he?
Yeah, except for the shoes.
They gave me two lefties.
Oh-oh, I'm pulling right.
I'm pulling right.
Alright, let's go, guys.
This new mousse is only
guaranteed 45 minutes.
Jess, about that, uh, kid Pete
that you worked with today?
- What do you think of him?
- He's a good kid.
Ah, that's a relief.
D.J. just went out with him.
What? You let her
go out with that animal?
You just said
he was a pretty good kid.
He's in a band.
All he thinks about is girls.
He's exactly how I was at 17.
Oh, my God.
Gibbler, get in here right now!
Tell me everything
you know about this Pete guy.
He's a legend.
Girls throw themselves at him.
They say he's
never heard the word no.
And D.J.'s out with him?
I would love
to be D.J. right now
on her way to the drive-in
in that hot black and red van.
- Drive-in?
- Van?
My baby.
[instrumental music]
You guys ready to go?
No, we can't go.
D.J.'s at the drive-in.
In a hot black and red van.
With the lead singer
of The Funky Tongues.
We gotta go get her.
Here, Beck, we'll
meet you at the dinner.
- You take Mr. Woodchuck.
- Come on.
Argh, argh.
What are you doin'?
You try walking
with two left shoes. Aw.
Well, at least I have a date.
Hmm.
You behave yourself.
Ha ha ha!
Good boy, Comet.
Comet did his business.
Then he gets a treat.
I wish I got a treat
every time I did my business.
Let's go play, Comet.
Okay, let's see
what's on the menu.
As if you had a choice.
Strained squash.
Ew!
I just remembered,
I once had
a traumatic experience
with squash.
I had to eat it.
Here, you feed 'em.
It's your job.
You feed 'em.
Come on, Steph,
be a bud
and nourish
the little drool puppies.
Alright, Kimmy,
I'll feed 'em.
But it will cost you.
- How about a dime?
- How about a dollar?
Deal.
Per kid. Burps are extra.
[dramatic music]
You guys, these shoes
are killing me.
[car horn honking]
Alright, alright,
we're movin', we're movin'.
I can't believe
someone actually went
to the drive-in
to watch the movie.
D.J., where are you?
[car horn honking]
Okay, alright, alright.
Alright already.
Hey, guys, let's
check the red van.
Can't see inside.
The windows are all steamed up.
They better be
making soup in there.
Alright, you two,
the party's over.
Come on out.
Sorry, wrong van.
Do your parents know
what you're up to?
There's the phantom
of the prom.
Ew! He just put
that piranha in the punch bowl.
D.J., this movie's lame.
Why don't we hop in the back
and get a little
more comfortable?
I'm pretty
comfortable, right here.
Oh, that's right, I forgot.
You're a freshman.
This must be like your-your
first time at a drive-in, right?
No, I come here all the time.
I was just here Sunday
for the swap meet.
Come on, let's get in the back.
Listen to a little music
for a while.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Boy, it sure is
private back here.
Yeah, now all
we need is
a little romantic music.
[rock music]
Boy, that makes you want
to just get up and dance.
Whoa, D.J., just relax.
I hear Pete's song.
There's D.J.'s coat.
Pete, let's just
watch the movie.
How come?
Well, I just don't
feel right about this.
Alright. That's cool.
I'll go get us
some popcorn, alright?
- Okay.
- Be right back.
[screaming]
What are you guys doing here?
We were worried about you.
- Where's Pete?
- He's getting popcorn.
Would you guys please leave?
I'm on a date, okay?
Oh, you didn't tell us you
were going to the drive-in.
In Tony the Tiger's van.
Look, can we please
talk about this later?
I don't want Pete
to see you here.
Do you know
how embarrassing this is?
Put yourself in my shoes.
I'd love to.
You got a left and a right?
Pete's coming back.
Please, leave.
I-I promise I'll
tell him to take me home.
Just don't let him see you here.
(D.J.)
'Hi, Pete. You're back.'
Yeah, let's go ahead
and get in front, alright?
Uh, wait.
Just a minute.
We should straighten up first.
I come from a very neat family.
[sneezes]
(together)
Hello.
I, uh, I guess you're wondering
what we're doing
here in your van.
In our tuxedos, yet.
Tell him, Joey.
Well, it's uh..
Well, Pete, it..
- Heck, it's a very funny story.
- 'Yeah.'
And, uh, no one, uh, really
tells it funnier than Jess.
Jess, tell him.
Yeah, it-it is a funny story.
Actually, why, you know what,
it's not even a story.
It's a, you know that
demo tape we were makin'?
I just was wonderin', do you
you want the whole
song on that tape?
You wanted
the whole song, right?
Yeah.
Okay, good, because I-I was
put the beginning, middle..
It's all on the..
We can leave now.
Yeah, we were done.
Uh...D.J., why don't we just
go ahead and call it a night?
Actually, you can go ahead
and go home with your dad.
Okay.
[instrumental music]
Keep up the good work.
Okay, let's get you two to bed
so I can hit the phone.
Ew!
Steph, would you mind, uh,
disposin' of the toxic waste?
- Once again, it will cost you.
- Alright, alright.
But do something quick before
the smoke alarm goes off.
Come here, little guy.
Oh, boy.
Ew! You too?
You're getting a kick
out of this, aren't you?
Good boy.
You look very pretty.
Okay, you could
have another treat.
Sit.
You sure like
these Doggie Doodles.
They look like a cookie.
And they smell like a pork chop.
I wonder what they taste like.
Ew!
Yuck!
I should have known.
You drink from the toilet.
- Is it over?
- Yeah, you can breathe now.
Hi, girls.
How are my adorable babies?
Yeah, adorable if you don't
have a sense of smell.
I'm surprised your
wallpaper isn't peeling.
Could you please
pay me so I can go home?
Okay, Kimmy, I owe
you $10, let me get my purse.
And, Kimmy, you owe me..
Let's see.
Two feeds, two burps,
two number two's
and a number one
That comes to..
...$10.
What a rip off.
Can we make Kimmy
our regular baby sitter?
Deej, we need to talk.
You can't keep givin' us
the silent treatment.
Okay, fine, let's talk.
I'm totally humiliated.
When this gets around school,
I'll never be asked out again.
But that's what
you wanted, isn't it?
I think we were doing better
with the silent treatment.
Guys, wait.
[sighs]
Alright, let's go.
(Danny)
'D.J.?'
You know we have
to talk about this.
Fine, you said I was
old enough to date.
You said you trust me.
You said you had
confidence in my judgment.
But you really
didn't mean it, did you?
The-the first time I go out
with a guy that you don't like
you come charging in
like the date police.
(D.J.)
'You completely overreacted.'
All three of you
owe me an apology.
I think she's right, guys.
We did get a little crazy,
didn't we?
I'm going to my room.
I'm sorry, Deej.
- Yeah, so am I.
- Me too.
It's alright.
Let's just forget about it.
- Everybody makes mistakes.
- 'Yeah.'
I just hope next time
you'll think things
through a little better.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
I dunno what I wasn't thinkin'.
I wasn't thinking
either, really.
That was real wrong.
I'm sorry.
You know, Deej,
one more thing.
Wait a minute.
I knew that was too easy.
Sweetheart..
Why did you lie to us about
where you were going tonight?
I didn't lie.
I said I was going to a movie.
Yeah, but you
conveniently forgot to tell us
it was a drive-in movie.
With a guy who's never
heard the word no.
- Did I forget to mention that?
- Yeah.
Look, D.J.,
you're 15 years old.
And you still live
by the rules of this house.
And if you're gonna go on a date
you have to tell us
exactly where you're goin'.
I just didn't
want you guys to freak out.
What makes you think
we would've freaked out?
I mean, just 'cause
we ran around the drive-in
in our tuxedos, what?
Well, I guess it's
my turn to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Deej, you going
out with guys
is a whole new experience
for us, you know?
I mean, we just have
to trust each other.
We just want
what's best for you.
Thanks, guys.
Do me a favor.
No more commando
raids on my dates.
Alright and no more
drive-ins for a while, okay?
Deal.
Deej, are you okay?
Yeah, everything's fine.
Becky.
Oh, man, we won.
Finally, somebody
has recognized our talents.
Vindicated after
four long years!
Well, actually,
they recognized Joey's talents.
He won for
"Best Children's Programming."
Oh, I don't believe it.
This is great.
Oh, vindicated
after four long months.
- Well, congratulations, Joey.
- Thanks.
Could I-could I just hold it
for a second?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
He's an immature baby.
[theme music]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
[music continues]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[theme music]