[theme music]
Well, bon appetit, Michelle.
Oh, boy, basghetti.
I can show you right now
a much neater way
to eat basghetti, alright?
Just pick up your tablespoon.
'That's right.
Now, using your spoon'
as your spaghetti helper..
...you put some noodles
on your fork like this.
And then you turn the fork
around and around and around
until you wind up with a nice
neat ball of spaghetti.
Yeah, this is much neater.
Next time I'm making
Spaghettios.
[laughs]
Keep eating.
I gotta clean you up anyway.
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evening TV ♪
♪ How did I get
to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't bird who knows
your tune ♪
♪ Then the little voice ♪
♪ Inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a place ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh ahh ah ah ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Oh he chucked lot of wood ♪
♪ That a Woodchuck could
if a Woodchuck could chuck ♪
Big finish.
♪ Laaa ♪♪
(together)
Yay!
This is Ranger Joe
saying love your planet.
Howdy-ho, Junior Rangers.
(together)
Howdy-ho, Ranger Joe!
♪ Ranger Joe ♪
♪ He's the greatest guy I know ♪
♪ Ranger Joe ♪♪
(together)
Yay!
And we're clear.
- Gladstone.
- Yeah.
Mr. Strowbridge wants
to see you in his office.
Okay. Alright, uh.
Teddy, Aaron, Michelle,
you guys stay right here.
The boss wants to see me.
- Are you in trouble?
- I can't be in trouble.
I-I bought him a big gigantic
cheese log for Christmas.
So why are you sweating,
Ranger Joe?
Well, that's because I'm working
under these hot lights
and sweat is the body's
natural cooling system.
You're a nervous wreck.
I knew I should have bought him
the beer sausage.
Hey, Teddy, wanna play
at my house today?
No, I'm playing
at Michelle's house.
She's my best friend.
Yuck!
What is your problem?
You're a girl.
Duh!
I don't play with girls.
But I'm a fun girl.
You should play
at Michelle's house.
They have great stuff
in their refrigerator.
Well, okay.
But I better
not get girl cooties.
You got a bad attitude.
She's right.
[instrumental music]
Give me five,
give me five.
- 'You sure? He's always there.'
- 'Really.'
- Hey.
- Hi, honey.
Check this out,
I just taught the boys
how to play catch.
Honey, how can
they play catch?
They just learned
how to dribble.
Alright, our kids
are natural athletes.
Now, you watch this, okay?
Look alive, guys.
Here's the wind up
and the pitch.
'It's a Nicky and Alex
double play.'
Alright.
These kids are headed
for the big leagues.
Yeah. Long as
they can wear those bibs.
- Come here.
- Good catch.
I missed you.
Come on in, kids.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hey, cutie.
Let's play superheroes.
I'll be Batman.
I'll be Superman.
I'll be the Little Mermaid.
That's not a superhero.
That's a fish.
Well, Aaron, how about
if Michelle is Wonder Woman?
That's impossible.
She doesn't have black hair.
What was I thinking?
You could be Superman's mother.
What does Superman's mother do?
She lays out
Superman's pajamas.
- Big wow.
- Come on, let's go!
Hey, superheroes,
no running on the steps!
Okay, let me have him.
Come on, big leaguers,
time to hit the showers.
Oh, Nicky, nice drool.
You can use that
for your spitball.
- How'd the show go, Joe?
- Oh, the show went great.
My meeting with Strowbridge
was a disaster.
- He says I need a sidekick.
- Well, that's a good idea.
Instead of talking to kids
all the time you'll have
an adult down there,
get a little
snappy banter going.
You know, you're right.
There's only one guy
perfect for the job.
- Me?
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
No.
Boy, can banter
get any snappier.
Come on, Jess,
you could do all the music.
Put a band together,
be my posse.
No, no, no, I-I don't wanna be
some dorky ranger
dressed up
like an overgrown cub scout.
No offense.
Jess, you don't have to be
some dorky ranger.
You could be somebody macho
and rugged like a lumberjack.
Lumberjack Jess.
No, Joseph, I'm not..
- Lumberjack Jess.
- Uh-huh?
Yeah, I could live with that.
- Plus, I need the money.
- Well, great.
You start tomorrow.
Welcome aboard.
Get it? A board
is made of wood.
Board, wood, it's a wood party.
I got a million of them
and you'll hear them all.
Aw!
- Lumberjack Jess.
- Okay.
Lumberjack Jess.
Get the beaver off
my shoulder.
I'm not a beaver.
[telephone ringing]
It's for me.
Hi, Kimmy.
D.J., why doesn't Kimmy
call you on your own phone?
I just left her house.
She knew I wouldn't be
upstairs yet.
You will never guess
what I..
Can I have some privacy, please?
Oh, sure, I'll just go
hide in the hamper for a while.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Oh, no problem.
You will never guess
what I heard from Kathy Santoni.
(Kimmy)
'Oh, that's hilarious. Ha ha!'
'I can't believe it.
Tell me more.'
And there's this rumor
going around
that Roxanne is stuffing her bra
with two-ply paper towels.
Because during lunch today,
she spilled juice on her blouse
and it absorbed like that.
(Kimmy)
'No kidding.'
Oh, so, Kimmy, what's
going on for the weekend?
(Kimmy)
'Mom's got the roller derby
championships, wanna go?'
Oh, I just remembered
what I wanted to tell you.
Um, you know how Stephanie's
always reading my diary
and going through all my stuff?
She's the queen of the sneaks.
I've come up
with the ultimate revenge.
She won't know where,
and she won't know how.
But when she least
expects it. Boom!
'What's going on?
What did she do?'
No, Kimmy, I just said
all that stuff
because I'm gonna teach
Stephanie a lesson.
No, I don't need
your mother's stun gun.
I'll call you later.
I'm dead, I'm dead,
I'm dead. I'm dead.
Oh, boy.
Oh, no.
- Hey, Steph.
- Aah!
What's wrong?
You seem a little tense.
Me? Nope.
No tension here, huh.
Cool as a cucumber.
Oh, good. Well, do you
wanna go up to my room?
We can play that new
computer game I got.
Your room? Alone?
No witnesses?
I don't think so.
Okay, well, I'll get you..
Catch you later.
I'm doomed.
Superman!
Whoo!
Batman!
Superman, Batman,
your breakfast is ready.
Thanks, Superman's mother.
Your pancakes are delicious.
Let's play wrestling now.
I'm the Ultimate Warrior.
[grunts]
I'm the Macho Man.
[grunts]
Don't tell me,
I'm the Macho Man's mother.
You got it.
[grunting]
Freeze.
It's my room
and I say we play house.
I love playing house.
Playing house is for girls.
I hate playing house.
Let's play guns.
Don't you listen?
We're playin' house.
Okay, let's play house and
blow it up with our guns.
Boom, boom, boom!
Baby Love Button is not a gun.
Come on, Teddy.
Come over to my house.
- I got phasers.
- Cool.
But what about Michelle?
Yeah, what about Michelle?
If you play with her
I'll tell the whole school
that you're a girl lover.
I don't want that.
Sorry, Michelle.
Way to go, Teddy.
Come on, let's be men.
[grunting]
I lost my best friend.
[instrumental music]
Okay. Now, Lumberjack Jess
lives in the enchanted forest.
Right.
So he should be fun and magical.
And bring joy
to the children of the world.
- Fun, magic and joy. Okay.
- And have fun, have fun.
- See, yeah, fun.
- Yeah, yeah.
Okay, Uh, uh..
"Howdy ho, kids.
I'm Lumberjack Jess.
I'm Tinker Bell.
Now I'm Tinker Bell.
Well, I never said sprinkle
fairy dust.
Fun, magical and-and be manly.
Strong, you know?
What do you know
about being manly?
You still wear
footsie pajamas.
Hey, my feet get cold.
Does that make me
any less of a man?
Yeah, it's not the footsies
that bother me.
It's that little
trap door in the back
with the missing button.
Can I hang out with you guys?
My friends went home.
Oh, sure, Michelle.
You can hang out.
Lumberjack Jess here is learning
how to be a real man.
You could learn how to be a man?
I gotta see this.
Alright, you guys wanna see
a manly character?
- Watch this.
- Okay.
I'll show you
a manly character.
Hi, I'm Lumberjack Jess.
I walk with a manly swagger.
'Cause I have a manly job.
I like to pull up
my manly pants.
Scratch my manly scratch.
And when I see a friend, I like
to give him a manly punch.
Yo, Joseph.
And then, I like to have
a laugh at his expense.
[laughs]
I have a question.
What makes boys different
than girls?
- Well, okay.
- There's...boys.
- Yeah, boys.
- Girls and then..
Well, take-take the birds
and the bees for--
- And Flowers.
- Right, and flowers.
- Yeah, you know--
- Why don't you just tell her?
Michelle, you know,
a-a question like that
can only be answered
by a manly man.
Take it, Jess.
Ha ha ha!
Alright, uh, so..
...what you're asking is, uh
what's the difference
between, uh
boys an-an-and girls, right?
That's the question.
What's the answer?
Yeah, I figured you'd
be asking that.
Alright, well,
uh, it's.. Okay..
There's a lot
of differences, uh
for instance, uh, uh
boys get to lead
when you dance.
Um, oh, uh, right.
See boys can grow
a little mustache
and a little beard.
And, oh, the best part is,
the best part is
at a concert or, say
a ball game or somethin'?
The lines at the men's room
are so much shorter.
Bein' a boy sounds like fun.
Pff. It's the funnest.
So, uh, does that
answer your question?
- Yes, it does.
- Oh, thank God.
- Stephanie.
- Aah!
I have something for you.
I don't want it.
Yes, you do. Here.
What's wrong?
It's your favorite dessert.
A double fudge,
chocolate homemade brownie.
Just for you,
my loving sister.
I baked it myself.
You want me to eat that?
Sure.
You mean, chew it up
and swallow it
and have it go
through my bloodstream?
Steph, you're acting
like I'm trying
to poison you or something.
Try it.
It's really good.
Well, thank you, D.J.
I'll just take this
non-poisonous brownie
and...throw it out
in the backyard!
Because I know
you're out to get me.
What are you talking about?
I listened in
on your phone call.
Stephanie, I'm shocked.
- What did you hear?
- Your evil plot.
But it's gonna take more
than a brownie to do me in.
I already did you in.
Huh?
I saw you eavesdropping
so I made up all
that revenge stuff
just to drive you crazy.
Well, it just so happens..
...it worked.
Well, I hope
you learned your lesson.
I sure did.
Your personal life
is your own business.
And I'll never listen in
on your phone calls again.
Good.
I'll just read about it
in your diary.
- What?
- Oh, nothing.
Come on in, kids.
Hey, Michelle.
Teddy and Aaron are here.
Why are we here?
Michelle said
she had a big surprise for us.
Oh, yeah.
It better be good.
Hey, Teddy.
Yo, Aaron.
Ha ha ha!
Michelle, what are you doin'?
I'm a boy now.
Let's play guns.
(together)
Yeah.
Last one up the stairs
is a girl.
- Whoa!
- Bang! Bang!
- Danny, what's going on?
- 'Bang! Bang! Bang!'
Michelle just said
she's a boy.
Oh, Danny, don't worry.
When I was Michelle's age
I was a real tomboy.
Didn't you ever go through
a phase like that?
You know, uh, one Halloween
I actually wanted
to be Julie Andrews.
That doesn't leave this room.
No problem.
(together)
Bang, bang, bang!
- I got you, Teddy!
- Argh!
Teddy, are you hurt?
What are you doing?
I'm being the nurse.
This man has a serious owie.
Hey, I thought you said
you were a boy.
So? A boy can be a nurse.
Let's get out of here.
She's not a real boy.
I guess you're right.
Nice try, Michelle.
Hey, you kids having fun?
- Bang! Bang!
- Get the giant.
(together)
Bang, bang, bang.
- I got you.
- No.
Lucky for me,
I just sprayed myself
with my anti-ray-gun repellent.
You were right.
He is strange.
Michelle, I didn't mean
to break up your game.
I'm a crummy boy.
That's 'cause you're a girl.
Why you trying to be a boy?
Because Teddy doesn't wanna
play with girls anymore.
Oh, so that's what's
going on here.
Look, sweetheart
I know you feel bad
about this
but you gotta understand.
Teddy is just
going through
a stage right now.
What's a stage?
Well, a stage is when
you go through something.
And then, eventually,
you grow out of it.
You once went through a stage
where you didn't
like chocolate cake.
No way.
It only lasted 10 minutes,
but, uh, you get the idea.
Teddy right now
is going through his
I don't wanna play
with girls stage.
I don't like this stage.
Oh, I know.
But don't you worry.
Before you know it
all the boys
are gonna wanna play
with you all the time.
And that's when I
go through my
keep away from
my daughter stage.
I just want my best friend back.
Sweetheart, if he's
really your best friend
he'll come back around.
Because real friends
like you for who you are.
Who am I?
Who are you?
You are Michelle Tanner.
You are one terrific person.
You're sweet, you're funny.
You're friendly, you're kind.
Keep going.
I could go on forever.
You always do.
[instrumental music]
Come on, Teddy,
sit with the boys.
Okay. Don't have a cow.
Hi, Michelle.
Hello, Theodore.
Hi, my name's Michelle.
My name's Denise.
Do you like boys?
Nah! Boys are gross.
Yeah, boys are gross.
Okay, okay, kids, come on,
let's put those tongues away
and let's put on
our happy faces.
Okay, we're on in
five, four, three, two.
♪ Ranger Joe ♪
♪ He's the greatest guy I know ♪
♪ Ranger Joe ♪♪
Howdy-ho, Junior Rangers.
(together)
Howdy-ho, Ranger Joe!
Junior Rangers,
it's a very special day
here in the Enchanted Forest.
Say hello to my new sidekick,
Lumberjack Jess!
[laughing]
Ha ha ha.
See, I told you.
They're laughing because you
made me wear this stupid hat.
Hoh! They're not laughing
at your hat.
Yes, we are.
[laughing]
Is, uh, something wrong,
Lumberjack Jess?
Yeah. I feel
like a lumber jackass.
Listen, uh, uh, Ranger Joe,
I don't really, uh..
I don't really fit into this
Enchanted Forest thing.
Oh, sure you do.
You signed
an enchanted contract.
Oh, that's right, and I do need
that enchanted paycheck.
Alright, kids, you wanna see
the real Lumberjack Jess?
You get those rumps
off those stumps.
Because we are gonna rock
this forest.
♪ Thunder lightning ♪
♪ The way you love me
is frightening ♪
♪ You better knock ♪
♪ On wood ♪
♪ Knock knock knock on wood ♪
♪ You better knock knock
knock on wood ♪
♪ Knock knock knock on wood ♪♪
Well, Mr. Woodchuck,
did you like that cartoon?
Well, basically,
I give it one paw up.
Because, well,
that's all I can move.
Okay, Lumberjack Jess,
take us home.
♪ Ranger Joe ♪
♪ Be back tomorrow
with a brand new show ♪
♪ Ranger Joe ♪♪
- Yay!
- And we're clear.
Great show.
Let's go have fun.
Hey, where are you goin'?
To play with
my new best friend.
- What's your name again?
- Denise.
Denise. And you can't
play with us.
Why not?
Because you're going
through a stage.
I am?
You just wanna play
with the boys.
No, I don't.
Aaron's too bossy.
Do you wanna be
my best friend again?
I really do.
Yay! The stage is over!
Let's go play at my house.
Teddy!
Are you a girl lover?
Yep. See you.
Hey, can I come too?
Okay, we're playing
hide-and-seek.
Thanks, Michelle.
You hide
and we'll find you.
Maybe.
[theme music]
♪ Ahh ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[theme music]