[instrumental music]
(Jesse)
'Becky, I told you.
We're not cutting their hair.'
Run from mommy,
run from mommy.
Run! Run! Run! Run!
Run from mommy. Come on.
Jess, come on.
You're being ridiculous.
Beck, it took us forever
to grow their hair this long.
Not a cut just a little trim.
No. D-Don't even kid.
Uncle Jesse, why do you
care so much about hair?
Alright, everybody.
Come on, gather round.
I'm gonna give you
guys a little life lesson.
Oh, I can't wait to hear this.
Now, here's my theory.
When you're a baby, you're bald.
[mumbling]
That's right
Then when you get old,
again. Boom, bald!
But that magic in between time
that's the important time guys.
That's when you
gotta grow your hair
nurture it with the
proper requirements
and then...flaunt it!
Now, guys. Does that
sound good? Hmmm?
Do you know what I like
best about your hair?
Oh, silky sheen, the uh,
natural luster?
No! I like to mess it up!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I just
moussed, I just moussed.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paperboy ♪
♪ Evening TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do wah wah wah ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Alright boys! Rock-n-roll!
That's good!
Alright. Okay.
Very good. Now cut. Okay.
Stop. Please, stop.
Stop. Stop.
Cut means daddy has a headache.
You guys were good, I could've
used you on tour this summer.
That's it, rock and roll!
Next time, we go out,
you guys should be my
little rug rat roadies, okay?
Jess, the mail's here!
"Billboard magazine."
Give me. Give me. Give me.
- Don't be nervous.
- I'm not.
Nicky, Alex,
your daddy's nervous.
I am not nervous.
This is where a whole summer
of touring pays off, okay?
Here it is, here it is.
"The hot 100 singles."
Let's see last week,
"Forever" was 68.
Let's see where it shot up to
this week, shall we?
"Forever", "Forever",
"Forever", "Forever"
"Forever", "Forever".
This is taking forever.
Jess, uh, does it really matter
about these charts?
I mean, does it really
matter if you're 1 or 99?
Well, I-I'd rather be 1.
Well, of those two, what would
be your second choice?
I'm 99!
Well, honey, you're still
in the top 100.
I mean, you're doing better
than that one guy there.
I'm gonna get Nicky and Alex
ready to go to Aunt Ida's.
Come on, boys, this way.
Come on, Nick, this way.
Come on, come on, come on.
Where's dad? Where's Joey?
We gotta get to the airport!
Don't just sit there.
D.J.'s coming back from Spain.
Girls relax,
we have plenty of time.
I can't wait till she gets back.
D.J. is gonna save my summer.
What are you talking about,
save your summer?
You had a good summer, Steph.
You went to day camp.
Oh, yeah. Camp Day O' Fun.
I was the oldest camper there.
The other kids
called me "ma'am."
This is from D.J.
See? "D.J."
Can somebody read the rest?
Alright! D.J.'s bringing home
a big surprise.
I knew she'd come through.
Do you see the word, "present?"
It starts with a "P."
Well, she doesn't say
but that's gotta be it.
And after she gives
us our presents
she probably gonna spend
all her time with us.
Because she missed
us like crazy.
Okay, everybody, D.J.'s plane
has been in the air
exactly 13 hours and 7 minutes.
Now, allowing for headwinds
and turbulence that means
right about now,
she's over Saskatchewan
enjoying a diet soda and her
second bag of honey-glazed nuts.
I hope she didn't rent
one of those headsets though.
You never know whose ears
they've been in.
Danny, relax, please.
Breathe with me. In, out.
Jess, I don't need to breathe.
Well, I do every
once in a while.
I can't believe she's
been gone for eight weeks.
I missed her so much,
I can't wait for her
to just get off that plane
and jump into my arms.
- Come on, we're gonna be late.
- Everybody just relax.
Now, look at this
we have, we have an hour.
Now, how long does it take
to drop the kids off
at Aunt Ida's
and get to the airport?
- 57 minutes.
- Girls, let's move it!
Come on. Move, move, move.
Joey, Rebecca,
if you're not downstairs
in 10 seconds,
we're leaving without you.
Okay, okay, you guys,
I'm sorry. I'm going crazy.
Yesterday, I met this
incredible woman at the beach.
She could possibly be
the future Mrs. Joey Gladstone.
We could spend the rest
of our lives together.
Now, if I could just
find her phone number.
Have you checked your
Snagglepuss bathing suit?
Yes, I checked there already.
This is so pathetic.
Not as pathetic as a grown man
in a Snagglepuss bathing suit.
Alright, come on,
everybody, let's go.
- Becky!
- Don't you know her name?
Of course I do,
it's uh, it's Mary something.
I'll think of it,
I just have to clear my head.
Oh, that shouldn't take long.
Okay, the boys are ready.
For what? The Eddie Munster
look-alike contest?
You know what Aunt Ida says.
With the hair over their eyes,
she can't see their faces.
Yes, but on the plus side,
they can never see hers.
Ah! Get the hair
looking cool. Atta boy.
Now, you're having
a proper hair day. Let's go.
[instrumental music]
Okay, D.J.'s plane is
two minutes late
we're five minutes early,
I got 30 minutes
left on the parking meter.
Anybody have a calculator?
Or a tranquilizer gun?
Mary.
Mary Czechinski.
- God bless you.
- No, no. That's her name.
Mary Czechinski.
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna get information
and get her number.
(male announcer)
'Flight 90 is now boarding
at gate 62..'
- Excuse me.
- Oh, an autograph.
See? You see what I mean, I
slipped a little in the charts
but the true fans
still know who I am.
Who are you?
I just wanted to know
if you dropped your pen.
That is my pen.
You'll be sorry!
This is Jesse Katsopolis!
- Sweetheart, it's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
He is gonna be a big star
and then you'll be
begging him for his autograph!
What are you looking at? Go.
The show's over, scatter, go.
Yes, that's Czechinski.
You spell it just
the way it sounds.
C-h..
...chinsky.
Oh, come on.
You're directory assistance.
Get your directory
and assist me.
Hello? Hello?
Oh, boy, Alexander Graham Bell
started this whole thing--
Come on, Joey.
D.J.'s plane's here.
I can't wait to see
that surprise.
I hope it fits in the car.
Girls, we're here to see D.J.,
it doesn't matter
what she brought us.
Isn't Spain noted
for their leather goods?
Hmm-mm.
Los tanneritos.
- Mi familia!
- Hi, Kimmy.
- 'Hi, Kim.'
- Kimmy, where is su familia?
- My family?
- Yeah, remember them?
Sure, I do. They said,
to come home with you.
They figured you'd be
going out for a fancy dinner
and you would treat me.
You know I haven't had
a good lobster..
...ever!
Wouldn't it be great if they
could lose the passengers
instead of the luggage?
- Where's D.J.?
- I don't know.
All I'm looking at is
Romeo and Juliet over there.
That girl Juliet
looks like D.J.
Hi, everybody!
- Hey!
- Hi.
- Welcome home.
- Good to see you.
So, D.J.,
what's the big surprise?
Oh, right!
Everybody, this is Steve.
(all)
Hi, Steve.
So, D.J.,
what's the big surprise?
Steve is the surprise.
We're going together.
Surprise.
So..
'...uh..'
You guys all came in one car?
Excuse me, let me
get this straight.
He's the surprise?
It's now official.
My summer is down the tubes.
Ask her where our presents are.
Steve.
Welcome to the family, my son.
Someday, we may call
on you for a favor.
And when I do, Steve, Michael..
What I think the godfather is
trying to say is..
What exactly do you two
mean by "Going together?"
Come on, Mr. T.
You're not that old.
It means they can't keep
their paws off each other.
Silencio, el big mouth.
Si, adios.
Hasta la baggage.
Well, you guys remember Steve.
We went out a couple of times
times last year.
(all)
Uh-huh.
Funny, I don't recall
your mentioning that
he's going to Spain with you.
I didn't even know he was
in the foreign study program
until we saw each other
on the flight over there.
Nunca olvidare
ese momento.
Estoy el hombre mas
contento del mundo.
En ingles, por favor.
Mr. Tanner, sir,
I just want you to know
that your daughter's
been in good hands.
We don't want her in any hands.
Uh, you know, Deej,
I told my folks
I'd meet them at baggage claim.
I'll catch you down there.
Uh...great seeing
you all again.
I can't believe this.
You're treating me like a child.
Well, D.J., you're not
acting like an adult.
Making out in an
international terminal.
What will people
think of America?
Oh, dad.
You know what, could you, uh,
excuse us for a moment?
Oh, sure. Jess, let's go
call Aunt Ida.
Why? Ow! Oh, that's why.
- You, too.
- Ow!
I don't have an Aunt Ida.
Dad, how could you embarrass me
in front of Steve like that?
Look, I'm sorry I just thought
when you were getting
off the plane
you'd be kissing us.
Maybe I should have prepared
you a little more for Steve.
It would've helped, a lot.
D.J., I knew when
you went to Spain that
you'd be...going out with boys.
I, I just thought you'd
leave them there.
Dad, Steve is a great guy.
He's a senior.
He's on the wrestling team.
He recycles.
I'm sure he's wonderful.
Honey, I want to know
everything about your trip.
You've been gone for so long.
You have no idea.
I missed you so much.
I missed you too.
Tell you what.
When we go home,
we'll have a cup of coffee
and I'll tell you
all about my trip.
That'd be really..
Coffee?
Since when do you
drink coffee?
Actually, cafe con leche.
Honey, in this country,
we don't drink cafe con leche.
We drink chocolate milk.
Dad, I'm almost 16.
I've been to Europe.
I really think I'm old enough
to choose my own beverage.
Sweetheart, I didn't choose my
own beverage until I was 21.
And even then, my mom
chose chocolate milk.
Dad that is so provincial.
Provincial?
Nothing ending in I-N-S-K-Y?
I know she's out there.
Well, has a woman called
asking for the phone number
of a Joey Gladstone?
Uh, no, Aunt Ida, I don't think
it's such a good idea
for you to give
the twins haircuts.
What? Give me that phone. Ida!
I mean, uh, I mean,
dear, dear, Aunt Ida.
Listen, I know
you want to help.
Uh, you know,
give 'em a sandwich
give 'em, give 'em a bath,
give 'em a tattoo if you want.
Just don't cut their hair.
Hey, kid.
Are you coming or going?
[speaking French]
If you say so.
I think she's from
another country.
Duh.
Actually, we're
the international
young people's choir.
We're on our world tour.
We've been to 14 countries.
Fascinating.
We've been to
nowheres-ville.
Is that where
I got sick in the car?
Kids.
- So, what's your name?
- Terry.
- Hi, I'm Stephanie.
- Hi.
Come on, kids we're going.
I'm sorry, I have to go now.
Oh, right now?
You can come aboard
and see us off?
Why, thank you.
Come on, Michelle.
Follow that hunk.
But I wanna see D.J.
Well, she doesn't wanna see us.
All she cares about is Steve.
At least, we'll have
five minutes
of fun this summer.
Yeah, later for her.
Coffee is just
hot water and beans
but chocolate milk
does a body good.
Hang on, hang on,
I'm trying to count kids.
(Michelle)
'Stephanie are you sure
dad won't be mad?'
(Stephanie)
'Relax, we'll be back before
he knows we're gone.'
Hi, nice to meet you.
Stephanie Tanner, USA.
Michelle Tanner, C-A-T.
- Michelle.
- That's all I could spell.
Okay, children,
please find your seats.
I get the window!
(Stephanie)
'Michelle, what are you doing?'
We're not going anywhere.
- Can't we just pretend?
- No.
Hello, Stephanie.
Hi.
Maybe for a minute.
Goodbye, everyone.
We're going to..
Excuse me, where is
this plane going to?
- Auckland.
- Oakland!
That's right across the bay.
Why don't they just drive there?
Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare for takeoff.
Please fasten
your seat belts.
Oh, no! We're moving.
Time out! Hit the brakes!
This is our stop!
Come on now, there's nothing
to be afraid of.
- We've gotta get off.
- Believe me.
Airplanes are the
safest form of travel.
Besides, you should be
used to traveling by now.
Now, why don't you just relax
and buckle up?
- But..
- It's the law.
You heard her.
Buckle up, it's the law.
- Mm-hmm?
- Excuse me.
I'm, uh, doing
a report for school.
I was wondering,
what would happen if someone
snuck on a plane
without a ticket?
Well, they'd be a stowaway
which is a federal crime.
That person could go to prison
for a long, long time.
Great, I'll put that
in my report.
I'm really not in the mood
to go to prison.
We're not going to prison.
We're just going to Oakland.
We should be there
in about five minutes.
And we'll call
dad to pick us up.
I'm sure he'll see the humor
in the situation.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to flight 40.
We should be arriving
at our destination
Auckland, New Zealand,
in 14 hours.
"Auckland, New Zealand?"
"14 hours?"
- Aah!
[instrumental music]
Stephanie, do they have
ice cream in New Zealand?
I don't know, Michelle.
I've never been to New Zealand.
But they probably do, right?
Who cares?
Don't you understand
we're going to jail?
Oh, right.
Do they have
ice cream in jail?
Michelle, try to stay
with me on this.
We are looking at hard time.
I've got 14 hours
to figure out a plan.
Now, the key is, don't act
suspicious and stay calm.
- Beverage?
- Alright, we did it.
We snuck on the plane.
Please, please, please
have mercy on us.
That was your plan?
Hi, is this Mary?
Mary Czechinski?
C-Z-E-C-H-I-N-S-K-I?
Yes! I finally found you.
It's-it's me, Joey Gladstone.
Remember? From the beach?
You loved my impressions
especially my Tasmanian devil.
[imitation of Tasmanian devil]
No, wait.
Don't-Don't call the police.
This is Mary, right?
With the long blonde hair?
Short blue hair.
86 years old.
Are you single?
Yes, I, listen
we will cut their hair.
No, no. It'll-it'll be before
hell freezes over.
Yeah, I was kind of thinking
maybe when pigs fly. Yeah.
Excuse me, aren't you Jesse
from "Jesse and the Rippers?"
Gotta go, Ida.
- Why, yes I am. Hi.
- Hi.
I saw you play last month
at the Boise Bowl-o-Rama.
You were excellent.
Really?
I was excellent.
- Uh, what's your name?
- Roberta.
Roberta, hi.
Nice to see you, Roberta.
Hey, everybody,
this is Roberta.
My fan.
Oh, I see you got a camera.
You wanna get
a picture of us together?
- Oh, no, that's okay.
- It's no inconvenience, really.
Here, look, just smile.
Ready? And smile!
Very good. Nice picture. Look.
Can you send me a copy of this?
Honey do you have a pen?
Because we'll give her our ad..
You know what, there's
a one-hour photo here.
We'll sit down at the cafeteria,
we'll have a Danish
we'll talk about the concert.
You wanna do that?
- Oh, maybe some other time.
- It's really no problem.
- It was nice meeting you.
- Nice to meet you, Roberta.
Hey thanks.
You forgot your camera.
(Roberta)
'Keep it.'
What's her problem?
Oh, you know
how those fans are.
They get so tired of being
mobbed by big stars.
You think I came on
a little strong?
Jess, you practically
mugged her.
Guys! Guys!
Michelle...uh, Stephanie..
...on a, on a..
- Uh, uh..
- On a..
- Turkey, turkey?
- No.
That's not, this is a turkey.
Gobble, gobble..
- That's a turkey.
- That's, that's a pigeon.
Now, you're doing a sea gull.
Hey, hey, hey.
What dad is trying
to say is that
he just talked to security
and Stephanie and Michelle
are on a plane to New Zealand.
- Thank you.
- What? We gotta stop the plane.
Dad tried. They won't
turn the plane around.
They said as soon as
the plane lands in New Zealand
they'll put the girls in
the next flight back here.
My little girls
must be scared to death.
♪ Drivin' six white
horses when he comes ♪
♪ Yee-ha ♪
♪ She'll be drivin' six
white horses when he comes ♪
♪ Yee-ha ♪
I think somebody forgot
to sing the yee-has.
I'm too depressed to yee-ha.
When dad gets a hold of us,
the only song we're gonna be
singing is,
"We'll be grounded for life."
♪ We'll be grounded
for life when he comes ♪
♪ Yee-ha ♪
♪ We'll be grounded for life ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
♪ Yee-ha ♪
♪ We'll be grounded for life ♪
♪ We'll be grounded ♪
Here we are,
back home. Safe and sound.
Thanks, Susie.
New Zealand was so fun.
Michelle, that
wasn't New Zealand.
That was the airport gift shop.
Here comes dad. Act sad
so he'll feel sorry for us.
A little more lip.
- Perfect.
- 'Girls!'
Oh, thank god you're okay.
You alright?
I am so sorry.
I imagine, this sorta thing
happens all the time.
Not really.
- Bye-bye, girls.
- Bye, Susie!
(Stephanie)
'Michelle!'
I mean, bye, Susie.
You two have any idea
how worried we were?
Why in the world would
you get on that plane
in the first place?
We're really sorry.
- It was an accident.
- An accident?
You accidentally walked on
the plane, accidentally sat down
and accidentally
flew to New Zealand?
Okay, it was a freak accident.
I don't think they bought it.
You two are not supposed
to cross the street
without telling us,
let alone cross the Pacific.
Huh, dad, can we
discuss this later?
Sure, we'll discuss it later.
Later at home tonight
later home tomorrow, next week
your high school graduations
for the rest of your lives.
[instrumental music]
Some fun, huh, Michelle?
Remember on the plane
we kept saying
"We wanna go home,
we wanna go home?"
- 'Yeah.'
- Well, why are we home?
And I wanna go back
on the plane.
Because we're grounded
for a month.
Any more questions?
Yes, why do grown-ups
have hair up their nose?
- Hey, how you guys doing?
- More questions.
Speaking of questions,
I have one. Are you nuts?
What made you get on
that plane to New Zealand?
That's two questions.
We had a crummy summer
then you came back
and didn't even care about us.
We just wanted
to have some fun.
What do you mean
I didn't care about you?
You were too busy
kissing Steve.
I'm sorry, you guys.
Just because I have a boyfriend
doesn't mean I don't
care about you.
I missed you both like crazy.
You did?
Of course.
Look, a lot of things
changed for me this summer.
One thing that will never change
is how much I love you guys.
Love you too.
But what if you marry Steve
and have 10 children
and two dogs and a horse
and lived in a big house
have one of those
bathrooms where water
comes out of a golden swan--
Steph, trust me.
I'll love you.
Okay.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I have presents for you guys.
I knew it!
Not that we were
expecting anything.
[instrumental music]
Thank you!
You're welcome.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
(Michelle)
'I like it.'
[theme music]