[theme music]
Okay, Michelle, you sit here
with Nicky and Alex.
I'm going to get them
some cookies.
Woo! Can I have one?
You already had dessert.
Just checking.
[laughing]
Okay. Let's play
your favorite game.
[mumbles]
Where's your tongue?
I'm talking about
this thing in your mouth.
[laughing]
Where's your nose?
Well, at least,
one of you got it.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy ♪
♪ Evening ' TV ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby-do
bah bah dah ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Do you need any help?
I'm good at homework.
Sorry, Michelle.
I'm writing a short story.
You can't write.
So, you can't help.
I can write I's and T's.
Great story.
It, it, it, it, it.
Nobody ever lets me help.
Okay, everybody.
Listen to
my literary masterpiece.
"The Potato Bug,"
by Stephanie Tanner.
"The potato bug
was sitting on a leaf
"just hanging out.
"Sitting, sitting, sitting.
Hanging, hanging, hanging."
I liked it, it, it..
...better.
She's right.
This bites.
Aw, no, no, honey.
You know what it is?
I have a need to know more
about this potato bug.
What are his hobbies?
What's his favorite color?
What sort of fabric
softener does he use?
Well, Steph, maybe you should
write about what you do know..
...the people
and the things around you.
I can't believe you
gave Cathy Santoni a ride home!
Hey, she was loaded
down with books.
Yeah and six pounds
of make-up.
Ding, end of round six.
So far I've got
this fight scored even.
Cathy is such a bimbo.
She signed up for shop class
because she thought
it was taught at the mall.
Hmm.
"The Young and The Jealous."
So, what's for supper, pops?
A home cooked meal.
So, go home
and start cooking.
Hey, everybody,
I've got good news.
I'm gonna be on
KFLH radio tonight.
Julie Hartman's
interviewing me about
that benefit concert I'm doing.
- Oh, that's great.
- Wonderful.
Wait a minute
there's more good news.
Nicky's diaper rash
has been downgraded
to diaper irritation.
- Oh, that is really good.
- Wonderful!
- Here we go.
- Alright, you know what guys?
Mommy has a very big
surprise for you.
Look at this.
Apple juice
with doofy straws.
[baby mumbles]
Doofy straws?
Yeah, kids love these things.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Hey, doofy straws.
I love these things.
Yeah, what a surprise.
Let go.
They're for the kids.
You know, Jess,
the buzz around town
is that KFLH is looking
for a new afternoon disc jockey.
Ah, I know man. That'd be
a perfect job for me.
I'm not touring right now.
My record's off the charts.
Since I was a kid I've dreamed
about being a D.J.
Well it could happen
'cause Julie Hartman
is also the program director.
See, this is perfect.
I'll go in there.
I'll dazzle her
with snappy banter.
Impress her with
my natural radio voice.
By the time
that interview is over
she'll be begging me
to work there.
Yeah, Jess, now
if you can just get
a little bit
of self-confidence.
Oh, Joey, don't.
You'll spoil your dinner.
We're having spaghetti.
You better put on
your red shirt.
No, I got to pass on dinner.
I got a big meeting
down at the station.
Mr. Strowbridge
is trying to stick me
with a co-host
for the Ranger Joe show.
Yeah, I remember when
they stuck me with a co-host.
And it worked out great.
I don't see why I need one.
My ratings are through the roof.
I'm starting to beat those
"Joanie Loves Chachi" reruns.
Boys, how you doing
with those drinks?
[slurping]
- Refills.
(D.J.)
'Do you think Cathy Santoni's
hair is bouncier than mine?'
Deej, I told you. Cathy Santoni
means nothing to me.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Let's get back to
the Taft-Hartley Act.
"The Young And The Jealous"
just became,
"The Dull And The Boring."
[instrumental music]
[chuckles]
Stop hitting yourself.
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me, please.
Don't touch my Woodchuck.
Oh, Ranger Joe,
I'm Jungle Jenny
your new co-host.
Well, I hope you don't mind,
I hung up a few vines
to spruce up the jungle.
Vines? Uh, Ranger Joe lives
in a forest, not a jungle.
[chuckles]
There are trees
and there are leaves.
What's the diff?
Actually, there's
a world of diff.
Oh, well, aren't we wound
tighter than an Amish quilt?
What do you say let's get crazy
and take the kids
on a rhino hunt?
We would never hunt rhino.
We'd invite them on a picnic.
Think about it. That rhino hunt
would be a panic.
But you gotta be careful. Have
you ever backed into a rhino?
Woo! Ho-ho. Woo!
Woo!
Gladstone, I see you
met your new co-host.
Mr. Strowbridge, sir, there's no
way I can work with that woman.
She's totally whacked out
and obnoxious.
She's my wife.
She's just what
the show needs, sir.
(Julie)
'This is "Jive
All Night Julie."'
You just heard
20 songs in a row.
It's not gonna kill you
to hear a few commercials.
(male narrator)
95.6!
♪ Rock radio ♪
♪ Ah-ha ♪♪
- Hey, Jess.
- Joey!
- What are you doing here?
- I had a pretty quick meeting.
So, I thought I'd just
come down here
and watch you make
radio history.
Oh, thanks buddy. How did you
like your new co-host?
How did you like
your last root canal?
[knocking]
Oh, okay.
This is it. Showtime, man.
Wish me luck. I'd die to be
a deejay in this place.
- Hey, go get 'em, buddy.
- Alright. Thanks.
- Hey, how you doing?
- Hi, "Jive All Night Julie."
Yeah, that's right.
Have a seat. We're gonna go
in one second.
- Okay.
- Alright.
- Alright, we're back.
And with me is Jesse Katsopolis
of "Jesse and The Rippers."
Thanks for stopping by.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
Thanks for having me.
This is-this is really cool.
I mean, I-I love it. I love,
I love the radio, you know.
Especially 95.6.
♪ Rock radio
Ah-ha ♪♪
[laughs]
Oh, yeah, I see you brought
your fan club with you.
- Oh, yeah. That's my pal Joey.
- 'Hmm.'
- He-he's really a funny guy.
- Oh, yeah.
Let's bring him on in.
(Jesse)
'Oh, come on, Joey.
She won't bite.'
- Hi.
- Hey, how you doing?
Have a seat.
Welcome to KFLH.
Hello, San Francisco.
Joey.
That was good.
Hey, Joey plays, um, Ranger Joe
on the "Ranger Joe Show."
You may have seen.
It's on the afternoons.
Sorry. I'm usually watching
"Joanie Loves Chachi."
So, anyway, Jesse,
why don't you tell us
about the "Feed
The Hungry Benefit"
at the Civic Center,
this Saturday.
Oh, yeah. It-it's really
a great cause.
It's uh, me and the Rippers
and a bunch of great bands.
So, come down.
It starts at 8 o'clock.
Great, you know, I heard
you and the Rippers
put on a really good show.
Is that true Joey?
Uh, sure, as long as
it doesn't mess up his hair.
[laughs]
Thanks, Joey.
I gotta tell
all you folks that
their Jesse does have
a great head of hair.
Oh, well, thanks very much.
I combed it once in fifth grade.
And it's been
perfect ever since.
Yes, nature's been kind.
[chuckles]
Nature?
Hey, this guy uses
so much hair spray
there's a giant hole in
the ozone right above his head.
[laughs]
Uh, yeah, well,
I-I-I do use a tad hair spray
but let me tell you something,
it is environmentally safe.
- 'Oh, good.'
- Safe and strong.
Once during a tornado,
I used it to spray down
the patio umbrella.
[laughs]
So, Jesse, who are
your musical influences?
Uh, well, that's
a good question.
I'd have to say that, uh
Elvis Presley did
influenced me a little bit.
A bit? Come on, admit it.
You're obsessed.
You spent more time
voting for the Elvis stamp
than you did
the last three Presidents.
[laughing]
I'm not obsessed.
Tell them about
your Elvis underwear.
Alright, I just have
one pair that says
"Love me tender" on the back.
[laughing]
Alright, well, we've been
talking to Jesse Katsopolis
and Joey Gladstone,
and we'll be right back.
Great spot, you guys.
- Very funny.
- Oh, yes.
Hang in here a minute,
would you?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
[tapping]
Man, that was a blast.
[tapping]
- What?
- What do you mean "What?"
You just made me
look like an idiot
in front of millions of people.
Oh, come on, it was probably
only thousands.
I can't believe you,
m-making cracks about my hair
my underwear. You blew the one
shot I had at this job.
I don't believe this.
Settle down, Mr. Cranky pants.
I was just having
a little bit of fun.
It's like your hair's
your whole life.
At least, cartoons
aren't my whole life.
If you can call that a life.
Alright, fine.
Alright. That's it.
- I'm out of here.
- Alright. Bye.
Bye, Bullwinkle brain.
Bye, dippity-doo head.
- Bullwinkle brain!
- Dippity-doo head!
- Bullwinkle brain!
- Jesse.
Bullwinkle...oh, hi,
Jive all night.
[laughs]
You know what?
Everybody loved that segment.
The phone lines
are going crazy.
We've been looking for someone
to fill in the afternoon slot.
- Really? I didn't know that.
- Um, so, are you interested?
Yeah, this should be perfect,
this should be great.
You know, I'll program
my own music
maybe play some live stuff.
I'll tell you something.
Monday, I'm gonna be right
here in this chair.
Fine, as long as Joey
is right next to you.
[dramatic music]
[instrumental music]
[knocking]
[door creaks]
Joe-Joe.
Joege. My man.
How you doing, buddy?
Uh, listen,
I think it's time
that, uh, how about maybe
you and I sit down
and have a nice talk,
like mature adults.
Uh, but first, I found this
laying around.
Ha, what do think
of that, huh?
Double fudge sundae,
whipped cream
fruit loops and see that
little thing on top
that small red thing?
That's a cherry, pal.
Yeah. Real cute, Jess.
And I'm supposed
to just forgive you
for all the mean stuff you said
just because you
brought me ice cream?
Well, in case you haven't
noticed the height difference
I'm not Michelle.
Did you say fruit loops?
Took out the yellow ones.
I know you hate the yellow ones.
Huh? Eh.
- Huh?
- Okay. You're forgiven.
[chuckles]
Alright! Pals again.
- Pals.
- Buddies again. Alright.
Oh, you know what?
This just came to mind.
KFLH wants us to team up
and do an afternoon radio show.
And I told them yes.
Thanks, pal.
Aha!
- Aha!
- What?
- Aha!
- What? Why are we doing..
What is this?
Why are we doing this?
You're just being nice to me
because you need me now.
Come on, Joey. This would be
a great job for the both of us.
There's no way I can
work with someone
who can't even take a joke.
There's nothing funny
about my hair.
No but there is
something darn funny
about the big mousse stain
you leave on the couch.
You know what? I ain't doing
the show with you.
No that's where you're wrong.
I ain't doing the show with you.
- 'No, I'm not doing with you.'
- Excuse me.
Yes, Michelle.
If you guys are arguing,
I could help.
I don't think so, Michelle.
Don't worry.
I'm a good helper.
Now, you stand here
and you stand here.
When I count to three
say you're sorry.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four, five, six.
Okay. Skip the sorry.
Just hug.
Forget it, Michelle. I ain't
hugging a bullwinkle brain.
- Dippity-doo head.
- Bullwinkle brain.
- Dippity-doo head.
- Bullwinkle brain.
Why do I even bother?
(D.J.)
'Steve, get away
from the cupboard.'
'We have to get there
and study.'
(Steve)
'I just need little snack
to tied me over.'
(D.J.)
'Alright. Come on.'
Okay, I'm all set. Got all
the basic food groups covered.
Salt, fat, sugar,
and nacho cheese.
Okay. Chapter two.
Hey, what's this?
"Dearest D.J.
"I'll never forget
our kiss in the lunchroom
"on macaroni day.
Love, Henry."
- Who's Henry?
- I don't know a Henry.
Well, then why did you kiss
him on macaroni day?
I didn't kiss him
on macaroni day
or fish stick day
or any day.
Yeah, right.
Where's my jacket?
- I'm outta here.
- Steve, wait!
- How could you do--
- I did not kiss him!
(D.J.)
'Steve.'
This is pure gold.
Hey, Steph,
how's your story coming?
It's really heating up.
"Just when their love
affair seemed peachy.
"Cleve found
a secret note of P.J.'s.
"It was from Henry,
her macaroni day lover.
Fireworks came shooting out
of Cleve's ears and nose."
- How's it sound?
- Like Cleve needs a kleenex.
No. No, I'm kidding.
Honey, it's wonderful.
Very creative.
Thanks. I guess,
I'm just gifted.
Well, let's see
how gifted you are
at emptying the dishwasher.
It's your turn.
Thank you.
Steve, somebody wrote that
note to get me in trouble.
I'll tell you
who's in trouble
your macaroni man, Henry.
- Steve, I told you--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me. Did you say
macaroni man Henry?
You know what you guys
might wanna take a look
at Steph's latest story.
This is incredible!
I don't believe this.
Yeah. The same thing
happened to us.
Okay, boys and girls
we have a new friend
with us today,
in the enchanted forest.
Let's give a big howdy-ho
to Jungle Jenny!
Howdy-ho! Howdy-ho!
Hey, Ranger Boy,
would you like a sniff
of my sweet
smelling flower?
Oh, okay.
[laughs]
What? What? What?
Come on. What's on my nose?
What's on your nose?
A lobster!
Ow!
[laughs]
Cleve and P.J.'s romance
was on the rocks.
Steve, this jealousy is gonna
to destroy us both.
I know, this macaroni day
incident has made me realize
that we can't go on like this.
Let's get married.
[choking]
How about tomorrow?
It's a half-day at school.
- Aww.
Dad, we have to talk.
That's what dads are for.
Well, this dad
better sit down.
Here. Bite on this.
Mr. Tanner, sir. Dad.
I wanna marry your daughter.
What? You've only known
each other for three months.
What took you so long, son?
- Come here, sweetheart, oh.
- Oh.
- Aww.
Dad, you can't be serious.
Why not? It would
work out great.
They could live
right here with us.
They could take
your room and-and Michelle
could take D.J.'s room.
Where am I gonna sleep?
Oh, yeah, I..
...I forgot about you.
Oh, I-I could put a bath mat
in the laundry room.
That's where Comet sleeps.
Oh, honey, that'd be great.
You could keep
each other warm.
Dad, you can't
do this to me.
Why not? It would make a great
ending to your story.
My story?
You read my story.
So, uh, what'd you think?
We think you did
a pretty rotten thing.
Steph, you can't disrupt
people's lives
just to make your story
more interesting.
I didn't mean
to hurt anybody.
I'm really sorry.
Can you guys forgive me?
Yeah, I guess.
Okay, we're even now.
Actually, all that talk
about marriage
really felt kind of right.
Yeah. What do you say, dad?
I say why don't you just forget
about this marriage thing
and I'll make you
a corn dog?
Cool! Alright.
Sorry, Deej, apparently
not a woman alive
can compete with my corn dogs.
Remember, kids.
Sometimes rhinos disguise
themselves as uptight rangers.
Rhino!
[all screaming]
[whistling]
Man, okay. Yeah.
Man, those little fists
are pointy.
Hey, Ranger Joe.
Is this your rodent?
I asked you not to touch
my Woodchuck, okay?
Whoa! Whoa!
Get me down!
Hey, come on. Quit it.
What's going on here?
♪ Ranger Joe
Ranger Joe ♪
Bye-bye, kids.
Bye-bye.
♪ Ranger Joe ♪♪
Good show, partner.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Great show!
- Oh!
I'm gonna go warm up
that hot tub, big boy.
That's quite a chemistry
you two have going.
Well, with all due respect,
sir, I've had it up to here.
Here.
So it's your choice, sir.
It's me or her.
Please, be quick
with your decision.
The blood's really
rushing to my head.
Okay. You're fired.
Thanks for being prompt.
This was so funny.
Michelle, this was not funny.
Jungle Jenny made me
look like an idiot.
Now, can you go find somebody
to cut me down, please?
Okay, stay right there.
Okay.
(Joey)
'Hello? Anybody here?'
'Could somebody please
cut me down?'
[thud]
'Thank you.'
[instrumental music]
[guitar music]
Hey, Piar. How was the show?
Don't tell Joey
but it was so funny.
Jess, I, uh, picked up
something on the way home.
What? A new attitude?
No.
Elvis car wax.
Elvis car wax?
Get out of here!
I've been looking
all over town for this.
Thanks..
I mean, uh..
...cool.
Hey, Jess, sit down
for a minute, okay.
Look, I-I wanna
apologize, okay.
Michelle helped me
realize that I was wrong
yesterday at the radio station.
Hold everything,
did you say I helped?
You certainly did.
You were a big help, sweetheart.
I told you
I was a good helper.
What did I do?
Well you helped me realize
that it's wrong to make jokes
if it hurts someone
else's feelings.
I did that?
Alright!
Good job, shorty.
If you boys need any more help
you know where my room is.
Jess, I'm sorry, I made all
those stupid hair comments.
I-I was getting big laughs.
I...I guess, I..
...kind of got
on a roll there.
Oh, that's alright, I..
...I was so uptight
about getting that job.
I was, I was way too
sensitive and I overreacted.
I'm sorry, pal.
Hey, you know,
when we were in advertising
we made a pretty
darn good team, you know.
Maybe this radio gig
will be fun.
A little music,
a little comedy.
- A little paycheck.
- 'Aha! I hear you.'
Let me tell you
the best part.
The best part would be
that I'd get to work
every day with
a really great friend.
So, what do you say, pal?
Partners again?
Hey, I say,
let's do it.
Alright. Come on.
- I'll make you a sundae.
- Alright.
Jess, I promise
when we do the show
no more of the stupid
hair jokes.
Oh, it's okay, Joe.
You can trash my hair
all you want.
Just don't touch it.
[chuckles]
I don't wanna touch it.
Might wanna drive
through it, though.
My car could use the lube job.
Now, you've gone too far,
bullwinkle brain.
- Dippity-doo head.
- Bullwinkle brain.
- Dippity-doo head.
- Bullwinkle brain.
[theme music]