[instrumental music]
Michelle, haven't you
ever heard of privacy?
I heard of it,
but I don't believe in it.
Hey, Michelle, how would you
like a shiny new quarter, huh?
Thanks.
You can have it if you go
upstairs and leave us alone.
Nah, this is more interesting.
Don't mind me.
Kiss! Kiss!
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy evening TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Okay, Jess, I've got a great
new bit for the radio show.
Pets who sound like
their masters.
Loving it. Loving it.
What have you got?
I got, uh, Popeye's dog.
Bow bow-wow
bow-wow bark bark.
[imitating Popeye]
Bark!
Wait a second.
I-I got one for you guys, okay?
This is Murray Fliegelmen's
canary, okay?
Hey, how about
some birdseed, Murray?
If you knew Murray you'd be
cracking up right now.
Hi.
Hi, girls.
What a day.
Fried baloney in
the lunchroom again?
I wish.
Oh, sweetheart, I tell you what,
why don't I take you down to
Johnson's hardware, and you can
tell your dad all your problems
while you're riding on
Quacky the mechanical duck.
Quacky?
Dad, I'm in first grade.
I would look silly
on a mechanical duck.
Dad, she's bummed
because they're gonna cancel
the first grade play.
And I was gonna be
the choreographer.
Oh, that's a shame.
Our only hope is to find
a parent volunteer
to direct it.
Guys, please don't worry.
I'm a parent. I volunteer.
Alright, Danny.
Well, you beat us to it.
Yeah. You're so...so lucky.
I mean, I only wish
it was Joey and I
taming a stage full
of adorable little tykes.
Thanks, dad, but rehearsals
are every morning at 10:00.
That's when you
do your show
and it's the only
time we have the auditorium.
That means I can't do it.
Oh, boys, I guess your wish
is going to come true.
Oh, goody.
Oh, come on, Jess.
We can't let the kids down.
- It'll be fun.
- Alright. Alright.
Okay, Michelle.
Alright, what's the play?
"America the Beautiful."
It's about America.
Hey, Jess,
do you have any time
to watch the boys
while I run to the store?
By the time I get
'em both in the cart
there's no room
for any groceries.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
We've to go to the work.
We're on the air in 20 minutes.
Hey, it's okay.
I'll watch the guys for you.
Oh, that would be great.
Thanks, Danny.
Bye, boys.
Give daddy a kiss.
- Bye, daddy.
- Give me a kissy.
[babbling]
Bye, daddy.
- Bye-bye.
- 'Okay, have a good day'
- Alright.
- See you later.
- Bye, boys.
- Bye-bye, daddy.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
- 'Alright.'
Alright, you guys, now,
Uncle Danny's going to watch you
so be good for him, okay?
- Thanks, Danny.
- You got it. No problem.
Oh, I got ya. Okay.
You boys want to ride
Quacky the mechanical duck?
Huh? You got any quarters?
I'm all out. What's a duck say?
What's a duck say?
Kack kack kack.
Quack quack.
Let's go ride Quacky.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Guess what,
I'm going to be in
"America the Beautiful."
Do you want to come?
We'd love to.
- We would?
- Of course, we would.
It's the cutest, sweetest,
most adorable little play.
You know, I was Yankee Doodle
when I was in first grade.
So was I.
Both of you?
I got to be Yankee Doodle.
You can, but you're gonna
have to work for it.
Are you ready for that,
Michelle?
I guess so.
I can't hear you!
I guess so!
Good. Okay, let's march!
Now move!
March! March! March!
I think I'm gonna
like this job.
And a-one..
[instrumental music]
Nicky, Alex!
Mommy's home.
I've got a surprise for you.
(Danny)
'We're in here, Becky!'
- Surprise.
- 'Hey!'
[imitating train whistle]
All aboard for the
Nicky and Alex Express!
We made a little run
to the toy store.
Did you know
these boys love trains?
[chuckles]
Yeah, they do.
We are having so much fun.
Well, that's great.
I'll just put these
away for later.
When you boys are older,
I'm sure you'll appreciate
the fine craftsmanship.
You do whatever you want, Beck.
I got them.
'Choo-choo!'
Go through the tunnel!
Choo-choo!
Whoo!
[instrumental music]
Okay, Michelle,
let's try the song again.
One question,
you know the part
where Yankee Doodle sticks
the feather in his hat
and calls it macaroni?
Yeah. What about it?
Is he calling
the hat macaroni..
...or the feather?
The feather.
Well, then,
what does he call his hat?
I don't know, Michelle.
He must call it something.
Bob. He calls it Bob.
Should I sing
stuck a feather in his Bob?
Just sing it the way
you learned it, huh?
Girls, it's kind
of late, isn't it?
Hey, you don't become Yankee
Doodle by turning in early.
Show 'em what you got,
Michelle.
Okay.
♪ Yankee Doodle
went to town ♪
♪ Riding on a pony ♪
♪ Stuck a feather
in his hat ♪
♪ And called it macaroni ♪♪
- Alright.
- Very good, Michelle.
That was terrific.
Maybe not quite what
my Doodle was, but..
I think it's safe to say the
Tanner tradition will continue.
Well, looks like
we found our star.
Yay! I'm going
to be Yankee Doodle!
[laughing]
That's right.
[instrumental music]
Okay, kids, I'm Miss Tanner,
your choreographer.
Now...this is
Joey Gladstone
and Jesse Katsopolis.
I've asked them to direct.
Now, you're going to work
and you're gonna sweat.
And when I say "Jump"
you're going to say,
"How high?"
- Okay, Steph, Steph.
- Okay.
You know, your sister's
getting on my last nerve.
Try living with her.
Okay, kids, basically,
we're here to have a good time.
That's right. Now, we're gonna
sing and we're gonna dance.
We're gonna put on
a terrific show.
So far we're just
sitting here.
Aaron, my man.
See they let you out
of kindergarten, huh?
You still don't have a job.
He has a good job.
Now, Michelle, we don't need
to defend ourselves to him.
I have my own radio show.
What do you do?
Okay, let's start
the audition, shall we?
- Alright. Here we go.
- Okay.
[piano music]
♪ Yankee Doodle
went to town ♪
♪ Riding on a pony ♪
♪ Stuck a feather
in his hat ♪
♪ And.. ♪
♪ Yankee Doodle
keep it up ♪
♪ Mind the music
and the steps ♪
♪ And with the girls
be handy ♪♪
I never liked this song.
Alright. Quiet. Quiet now,
we're not finished yet.
Now, the part of
George Washington goes to..
...Aaron Bailey.
Do I have
the biggest part?
No, but you have
the biggest mouth.
And Denise Frasier will play
his wife, Martha Washington.
(Aaron and Denise)
Ew!
And now, for the part
of Yankee Doodle.
That's gonna be you.
- Yes, son?
- Excuse me.
But I didn't
get a chance to try out.
Oh, sorry, we didn't
see you back there.
Oh, that's okay, I tend to
blend in with my surroundings.
Alright. Take center stage here,
and we'll do a song.
Key of E, please.
Alright, the key of E.
[piano music]
♪ Yankee Doodle
went to town ♪
♪ Riding on a pony ♪
♪ Stuck a feather
in his hat ♪
♪ And called it macaroni ♪
♪ Yankee Doodle
keep it up ♪
♪ Yankee Doodle dandy ♪
♪ Mind the music
and the steps ♪
♪ And with the girls ♪
♪ Be handy ♪
♪ Yeah ♪♪
[clapping]
That boy was good.
That was good.
[instrumental music]
So, do you guys like
Uncle Danny's raisin bread?
Well, you like the raisin part.
Thank you.
- Hey, Danny.
- Yeah?
Did you wake the boys
up from their nap?
Oh, yeah, you know what, I was
checking on 'em and I could hear
their tummies growling
from outside the door.
So I made 'em some
of my special raisin bread.
They're gonna need their
energy 'cause I am taking
these guys to the park.
Could you do me a favor,
Becky? Get their jackets.
Okay, sure.
I'll be right back.
Thanks.
Hey, Michelle.
How's the star
of the school play?
Why don't you go
to his house and ask him?
What happened?
Uncle Jesse and Joey
picked somebody else.
- What?
- Well, Michelle was great.
But this other kid
Derek was greater.
You know,
we're sorry to get you
excited about this thing,
Michelle
but we have to be fair.
Why?
Well, Michelle, if somebody
really was a little better
than you, then...you have to
think that Joey and Uncle Jesse
made the right choice
and you just gotta accept it.
(Jesse)
'Yeah, but, listen to this,
Michelle, we-we put our heads'
together and we came up
with a great part for you.
Yeah, you're on stage
for the whole time.
You're the center
of everything.
I'm listening.
(Stephanie)
'And one, two, one, two.'
'One, two, one, two.'
Keep in step, people.
One, two..
Haven't you
ever heard of three?
Okay, everybody, apparently,
we're going to have to go
right back to
the basics of dancing.
Now, this is a foot.
Okay, okay, time out. Let's take
a little break from the dancing.
Take it from
George Washington's line
"A proud symbol."
A proud symbol welcomes
all to our country
and reminds us
that we are free.
Michelle you have a line,
"I am Lady Liberty.."
I am Lady Liberty.
I should have
been Yankee Doodle.
Alright,
take five, kids.
(Stephanie)
'Okay, everybody, over here.'
Alright,
what's the matter, shorty?
My arm is getting bored.
I don't want to be
the Statue of Liberty.
Hey, Jess, can't we
write her a little song
and dance number or something?
No, Joseph, now
we can't spoil her
she's got to learn
to be a team player.
Now, sweetheart, listen, if you
don't want to be Lady Liberty
then I suggest
maybe you go sit down
and watch the rest
of the kids rehearse, okay?
Fine.
(Jesse)
'Alright, come on, gang.
We got a show to do.'
Everybody, back in places.
Places, please. Places.
And one, two, one, two.
One, two, one, two.
(Stephanie)
'Keep those knees high, people!'
Hey, let's catch
a movie tonight.
Great.
I'm in the mood
for something deep.
How about..
"Ernest goes to Mars?"
Kimmy, Steve and I don't
want to see that.
Well, how do you know?
You want to see that?
I don't know.
I want to think about it.
Okay, think about it.
Well, I can't think
while you're watching me.
What's your problem?
Well, it's just that
you shouldn't be making
decisions for me.
Why not? Sure beats the heck
out of thinking for yourself.
I do not make
decisions for you.
Yes, you do,
like the other day
you told Michelle
we'd go to her play
without even asking me
if I wanted to go.
Do you want to?
- Well, actually, no.
- You have to.
Hey, I don't have
to do anything.
Fine, forget the play.
Well, fine, I will.
- Fine.
Well, you sure showed him.
Is he still gonna
drive us to the movie?
♪ Sixteen men
on a dead man's chest ♪
♪ Yo ho ho
and a bottle of rum ♪♪
Danny?
Come in.
I mean, come in.
- Oh, sorry.
- No, hey, Beck, it's okay.
[laughing]
I've got a suit on.
'Nicky and Alex and I were
just finishing up their bath.'
Well, Danny, I was gonna
give 'em their bath.
Oh, hey, I don't mind.
It's no problem.
Danny, actually,
it is a problem.
The last couple of days, every
time I've gone to do something
with the boys,
you've already done it.
And I know that
you only want to help
but my time
with them is really precious.
I mean, they're only
this age for so long.
Don't I know it.
[sighs]
I'm sorry, Becky.
I guess when Michelle told me
that she was too old
to ride Quacky
I realized that my last, little
duck rider had left the pond.
Oh, Danny.
I miss having babies around.
So, what I've been thinking is
can I have one of yours?
Danny.
Look, I'm sorry
I'll stay out of your way.
Oh, no, you're not in the way.
Look, the boys
love being with you.
[babbling]
- Baboo.
- Uncle Danny's fun.
You know what can do?
We'll set aside some
special Uncle Danny time
so you guys can be together.
- Really?
- Yeah.
How's that sound,
guys, huh?
You like that idea?
Thanks, Becky.
Yes, yes, mommy will get it.
Oh, oh, oh..
Hi, peanut.
Oh, I get it.
You're not talking to us.
Michelle, are you
not talking to us?
Yeah, she's not talking to us.
Alright, all that are ticked off
at Uncle Jesse
and Joey say aye.
Aye!
You tricked me.
I get it, Michelle.
You think we're being
unfair, don't you?
Right.
Well, we think
you're being unfair.
Michelle, everyone in that
play is working very hard.
Now, if we don't have
a Statue of Liberty
you're letting all
the other kids down.
Is that what you want?
No, I want to be
Yankee Doodle
'cause Stephanie and D.J.
were Yankee Doodle
and I want to be
Yankee Doodle, too.
Well, Michelle, you don't always
get what you want in life.
Hey, when I was little boy,
I wanted to be Fred Flintstone
but heck,
I had too many toes.
Excuse me, Michelle.
Now, Michelle,
this whole thing
it's, it's like
being in a band.
I mean, not everyone
can be the lead singer.
- You are.
- 'Yes.'
But I'm no more important
than the bass player.
What's his name?
Kid with the long, curly hair.
Larry or Lenny or something.
Michelle, excuse me.
What Jesse isn't
quite saying is..
...you're part of a team and
everyone has to do their share.
That's right, and, uh, my band
wouldn't sound as good without..
What's the kid's name?
What is his name?
The long-haired guy.
The point is, Michelle, a lot
of people are counting on you.
That's right, so,
we want you to go out there
and we want you to be the best
Statue of Liberty you could be.
- Capisce?
- Capisce.
And his name is Lanny.
Lanny!
[instrumental music]
Steve, you came.
Yeah. I'm sorry
I got mad the other day.
No, it was my fault.
Let's never fight again.
I've never felt closer
to you than I do right now.
Neither have I.
Steve, I'll never
make another decision
without asking you first.
Uh, switch seats with my dad..
...if it's okay with you.
Yeah, it's fine.
Oh.
[piano music]
[clapping]
Okay, you're on. You're on.
Greetings, fellow Americans.
I am the father
of our country.
My name
is Aaron Bailey.
[whispering]
George Washington.
Oh, yeah, my name is
George Washington
and here comes
my wife Bertha.
[whispering]
Martha.
Martha!
Martha.
Here, psst! Psst!
I think it's going pretty well.
Goodbye, Paul Revere.
Thanks for the warning.
Look, here comes
that Yankee Doodle boy.
[piano music]
I said, look, here comes
that Yankee Doodle boy.
[music continues]
Excuse me.
Hold this, Abe.
Just be a moment.
Talk amongst yourselves.
What's going on here? It's
his time for the big finale.
He's frozen! The show's over.
It's a total choke-job!
Steph, Steph,
you're not helping, okay?
Hey, Derrick, come on,
you're gonna be great out there.
No. I can't do this.
Let me talk to him.
Derrick, do you know how long
I've been holding up my arm?
Michelle, I'm too scared
to go out there.
You be Yankee Doodle.
You're good.
Yes, that's true..
...but you're great.
Right now I'm sick.
But we're all on
the same team. We need you.
You do?
Totally.
Now, go out there and be the
best Yankee Doodle you can be.
Okay, here I go.
You're not moving.
Give me a push.
Alright, munchkin.
- I'm proud of you.
- 'Now, let's move it, people.'
We've got a show to do.
Alright!
Okay.
Show time.
Now, as I was saying
look, here comes
that Yankee Doodle boy!
♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle dandy ♪
♪ Yankee Doodle do or die ♪
♪ A real live nephew
of my Uncle Sam ♪
♪ Born on the Fourth of July ♪
♪ I've got a Yankee Doodle
sweetheart ♪
♪ She's my Yankee Doodle joy ♪
♪ Let's go Miss Liberty ♪
♪ Yankee Doodle
went to town ♪
♪ Riding on a pony ♪
♪ I am ♪
♪ That Yankee Doodle ♪
♪ Boy ♪♪
[clapping]
[instrumental music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪