[instrumental music]
[growling]
Alright, okay.
Alright, Nick, get ready.
I'm gonna hike it
to you brother.
Okay here we go.
Play ball.
17, and hike.
Take it.
Throw it to your brother.
Throw it. Alright.
Interception.
Here we go, here we go.
Hey, he's trying to run.
He's trying to run.
Hey, look Elvis
in an ice cream truck.
He's at the thirty, he's at
the twenty, he's at the ten
he's at the ten,
touchdown.
Yay-y.
- Don't spike him.
- Hmm, oh, okay.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[doorbell ringing]
I got it.
Hello.
Hi. Is Stephanie here?
I'm Jennifer.
And I'm Jennifer, too.
Not the number two,
but also.
Well, hi,
Jennifer, Jennifer.
Stephanie's in her
room, room.
Oh, look, Jennifer.
What cute little girls.
Ho, ho, ho.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
They're not girls.
They are boys, future men.
- No way!
Yes, way.
[both chuckle]
Honey, I think it's time
our little linebackers
got a haircut.
Sweetheart, hoo, hoo,
hoo, hoo, hoo.
Please, don't say
the "H" word around them.
They'll kick, they scream.
They go nuts.
- Jess, that's you.
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, my Uncle Jasper has been
cutting kids' hair for years.
He's got the cutest little shop,
you can either sit
in a dolphin
or a rocket ship.
Aww, did he cut your hair
when you were a kid?
Actually he cut
my hair last week.
Nobody's touching
the hair of my kids head.
Oh, honey, just a trim.
They're starting to look
like little sheep dogs.
Huh, alright, alright, fine.
We'll give, we'll give
them a little trim.
But I'm gonna do it myself.
Fine.
Where are you going?
Well, if you're giving
'em haircuts
I'm going to go
buy 'em hats.
[knock on door]
Jennifer, Jennifer.
What are you doing here?
We thought we'd stop by.
We were on our way
to Jennifer's house.
Not this Jennifer,
the other one.
Great. Welcome.
So, uh, what's going on?
Stephanie, we're
playing tea party.
- Tea party?
She must be
running a fever, huh.
O-oh, she's burning up.
I'll be right back.
I have to pack her in ice.
- I don't feel sick.
- Of course, you're not sick.
I just need some privacy.
If the Jennifer's
like me, I'll get to sit
at the cafeteria
power table.
Big wow.
Look, these are the coolest
girls in fifth grade.
Just stay out.
Excuse the interruption.
They don't look so cool.
That fever,
she's delirious.
Michelle, I am begging you,
just stay out.
It's my room, too.
Look, go away now,
and I promise
the next time I do something
really, really important
you can stay, deal?
Deal.
Who can I bother?
D.J.
Hey, guys, what do you think
of my new sunglasses?
Those are totally
out of style.
And that's why
I don't wear them anymore.
So did you see
Arsenio last night?
I was asleep.
I mean, I fell asleep
from barking so much.
Woo, woo, woo, woo.
Well, I wasn't really
watching, either.
Huh, I was shaving my legs.
Me, too.
- No way!
I was gonna
shave my legs
but...I like a little stubble.
It keeps my socks up.
So, uh..
...want to see
my new earrings?
They're really funky.
Those are clip-ons.
They all are.
We always thought
you had pierced ears.
Well, I wear clip-ons that
look like pierced earrings.
- No way.
Clip-ons are so...
second grade.
I know, that's why
I'm definitely getting
my ears pierced
at the mall this weekend.
Oh, really, well,
we're gonna be
at the mall this weekend too.
No way.
Rules.
[knock on door]
Enter.
D.J., will you take me
down to the mall?
I have to get
my ears pierced.
I can't. You need a parent.
Ask dad.
Dad? He wouldn't even let me
put holes in my jeans.
Hey, Steph, w-what's
the big deal about
getting your
ears pierced anyway?
My dad did it
to try to be hip
but he just looked like
a pirate accountant.
Thanks.
You're a comfort.
Hey, I do my best.
Well, Deej, I gotta go
to wrestling practice.
Whoa, wait a minute.
I'm the team towel girl.
Nobody notified me
there was a practice.
Well, haven't you heard?
You've been suspended
for sweat mopping
dry wrestlers.
Again?
Come on, Steve.
I'll walk you out.
You know, squirt
I can pierce
your ears for you.
You can?
My brother, Garth, works
at the Piercing Palace.
I can have him
bring home the gun.
Gun? What gun?
An ear gun.
There's nothing to it.
I've seen my brother
do it a 100 times.
It's easy, you just put
the gun to your ear lobe
and pow.
[chuckles]
Like I might let you
near me with a weapon.
Your parents don't even
let you use a fork.
Suit yourself,
clip-on queen.
Alright boys,
all cleaned up
and we're ready
for your haircut.
Scissors.
Comb.
And away we go.
Alright boys,
the hair follicle
seems to be heading due South
so we cut to the East
to balance out
the two hemispheres.
Jess are you giving
them a haircut
or finding a shorter
route to the Indies?
This is very important business.
It's very critical.
You cut against the grain,
they pop a cowlick.
Bad-a-bing.
Alfalfa city.
Fine, I-I'd love to see
the master at work.
Thank you very much.
I'll require complete silence.
And away we go.
Okay, Nicky, come here.
Daddy's gonna cut your hair
just a little bit.
Alright.
I remember when I was a kid
my dad once gave me
such a bad haircut
I had to tell all the kids
in school that
I'd stuck my head
out of the car
at Lion Country Safari.
Would you please..
Sorry.
Thank you.
Okay, Nick,
here we go, my man.
I remember that was
the same exact summer
that I had to wear
Uncle Mort's toupee to camp.
Alright, that's it.
I can't do this.
This is too much pressure.
Jesse, you just
gotta face it.
You're too emotionally involved.
Yeah, you're right.
You know, doctors don't
operate on their own kids
and that's only surgery.
This is haircutting.
It's very important.
Alright, I'm going to call
Joey's Uncle Jasper.
Hey, dad, can we go to
the mall tonight?
Sure.
Can we get frozen yogurt?
I'll even spring
for a waffle cone.
Great, so we'll get frozen
yogurt, get my shoes fixed
get my ears pierced,
and get a new headband.
Whoa, just back that up
a little bit, please?
Get my shoes fixed?
After that.
- Get a new headband?
- Before that.
Oh, you must mean
get my ears pierced.
[gasps]
That's the one.
So, we better get going.
We wanna get
a good parking spot.
Steph, Steph,
you're too young
to get your ears pierced.
But Jennifer
got hers pierced.
Yeah, well, I'm not
Jennifer's father.
But Jennifer
got hers pierced.
You already said that.
No, there are
two Jennifer's.
Four ears,
all pierced.
Look, Steph,
D.J. got her ears pierced
when she got
to Junior high.
And you can get
your ears pierced
when you get
to Junior high.
But I'm not D.J.
Hey, I'm sorry,
but I don't make the rules.
Actually, I do.
Well, it just so happens
I think this is a good one.
You are so unfair.
How am I ever
gonna be cool?
What are you
talking about?
I just bought you those
neat new sunglasses, huh?
Okay, Comet, would you
like one lump or two?
[barks]
Watching your weight.
- Out, Michelle.
- But I have a guest.
Your guest drinks
out of the toilet.
So does yours.
Michelle, Kimmy and I have
something important to do.
Important, well, well, well.
Michelle.
You promised if it's
something important
I get to stay.
Oh, let the runt watch.
I work better
with an audience.
Okay, whatever goes on
in this room is top secret.
Pinkie swear.
Wow, pinkie swear.
This is big.
Okay...park your
lobes right here.
Dad wouldn't take me
to get my ears pierced
so I'm letting Kimmy do it.
Are you nuts?
No, I'm desperate.
Let's rock and roll.
Are you sure you know how
to work that thing?
Hey, do I get
D's in English?
So, partner, I reckon
it's time we put some holes
in them pretty little ears.
[instrumental music]
[blows]
You next, rug rat?
How about a nice nose ring?
I'm out of here.
Good job, Kimmy.
That hardly
hurt at all.
I'm a crack shot.
Before I came over,
I practiced on some cold cuts.
Well, I better take these things
out before dad sees them.
But hold it.
You've to leave
those studs in for
at least six weeks
until your ears heal.
"Six weeks?"
What am I going to do?
I was just gonna wear 'em to
school to impress my friends.
But if I wear them
around here--
[Danny]
'Stephanie.'
I'm dead.
Steph, why is Michelle
afraid to come upstairs?
Oh, Kimmy's here.
Honey, what are you doing?
Sit-ups.
Sweetheart,
you're standing up.
I thought they
were too easy.
One, two, three, four--
- Is everything okay?
- Great, fine.
I'm feeling the burn now.
You guys better
open a window.
I don't think you're
getting enough oxygen.
Whoa, Steph.
Well, that's, that's
an interesting hairdo.
What is that,
the Star Wars look?
Ah, yeah,
we're doing a hairstyles
of the '70s thing
at school today
and, uh, I'm going
as Princess Leia.
I'd feel really bad for that
poor kid who has to go as Kojak.
What's the matter?
My ear is hurting,
they're really red.
I think they're infected.
Oh, no.
Are they gonna fall off?
Of course, not.
Good, because your
head would look funny.
Just drop it, okay?
How would you keep
your glasses on?
I'd glue them
to my nose, okay?
Now, remember, you pinkie swore
that you wouldn't tell dad.
Okay, but if your ears
do fall off
I get your Walkman.
Oh, Jess,
isn't this adorable?
- Jess.
- No, no, no.
Don't let the cute
stuff fool you.
It's still a barber shop
which means
there's potential
for danger.
Oh, hello.
Hi. Welcome to Jasper's
Kiddie Kuts.
I'm Jasper.
Oh, hi, I'm Rebecca.
This is my husband, Jesse.
And these are our boys,
Nicky and Alex.
Yeah, I know. My nephew, Joey,
told me you were coming in.
Oh, look at this,
a doubleheader.
This calls for Big Bertha.
That's it. We're out of here.
Come on, Beck, let's go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
don't worry about it.
It's just a toy.
[metal clanks]
This guy's about two grapes
short of a fruit salad.
Honey, it's Joey's uncle.
My point, exactly.
Let's get out of here.
Okay, now, let's get some
hair on the floor.
Hey, hold on a second.
Now before we get any
hair on the floor
I've got to ask you
a few questions.
Oh, honey, please.
Just let the man do his job.
Yeah, just let the man
do his job, honey.
No, no, you're not
doing any job yet.
Now, listen. I gotta ask
you a few questions.
Where did you get
your training from?
I went to Stanford.
Stanford.
That's very impressive.
Yep. Al Stanford's
Barber College.
Graduated class of '37.
They didn't even have
blow-dryers in '37.
Jess...they didn't
need 'em back then.
All you did was
hang your head out
the old Desoto
and lean on the gas.
Of course, you had
to watch out for the
other guy
drying his hair.
Boom!
That's where the term
"Head-on collision" came from.
[chuckling]
That's it, boys.
Get in the car. Let's go.
Jess, please.
It's just a haircut.
- Can we get on with this?
- Alright, fine.
But it's going to be
your fault if they
end up looking
like melon-heads.
Come on, sweetie.
You wanna get in a rocket ship?
Look at this.
Mummy'll put you in here.
Alright, strap 'em in tight.
It's gonna be a long ride.
Wow, can you try this?
Alright, they're ready.
Uh-oh.
Will you just
cut their hair?
Alright, alright,
alright, already.
Ahem.
Hey. Ahem.
Jasper, wait!
Jess, maybe you were right.
Maybe the boys aren't
ready for this.
Boy, you two were really
made for each other.
Will you excuse us
one second, Jasper?
- Thanks.
- Sure.
I've really got to start
charging by the hour.
Becky, what's
the matter with you?
I'm the one who's
the maniac here.
Well, you are.
I-It's just that,
it just hit me.
It all starts
with the haircut.
Pretty soon they're
potty-trained.
Then they're going off
to kindergarten.
Then they're shaving,
then before you know it
they're married and they have
kids of their own.
They'll never write,
they'll never call.
Jess, we're losing them.
Becky, you're losing it.
Now, come on, n-now one
of us has to be rational.
We're dealing with
cutting their hair.
So it's gotta be you.
Jess, it's just that
they're growing up so fast.
I know, sweetheart,
but we can't go crazy every time
they go through
a new stage.
We're just gonna
have to learn to
live with it
and go along.
- That's all.
- Yeah, you're right.
I mean I guess we don't
have any choice, do we?
[sighs]
Alright, Jasper.
We're ready.
Oh, good,
'cause I'm finished.
There you are.
And there you are.
A little
finishing touch, huh?
Oh, Nicky, Alex
you look so handsome.
Oh, boys..
Very, very nice.
Good lift, good flow.
Hey, Beck, look at this,
they got blue eyes.
Hey, and here's a reward
for being so doggone brave.
Oh, look, boys,
you get balloons.
No, these are
for you two.
I told you. Her ears
look like Franken berries.
Stephanie, your ears
are infected.
Ow.
Michelle, you promised
you wouldn't tell.
I promised
I wouldn't tell dad.
Does this look like dad?
Stephanie, did you
pierce them at the mall
after dad told you "No?"
Of course, not.
Ouch. I'm not that stupid.
She let Kimmy do it.
What?
You let Kimmy punch
a hole in your body?
Why didn't you just
fall on a rusty nail?
Stephanie, you have
to tell dad.
He needs to take
you to a doctor.
Oh, no.
That's okay.
If you don't yell,
you get a lollipop.
And if you yell a lot,
you get two.
[chuckles]
Hey, girls, look at this.
A rubber pencil.
Sorry, dad. I see you're in the
middle of something important.
Okay, okay.
Uh, dad, before
you get angry--
Oh, I hate conversations
that start like that.
Dad, I let Kimmy Gibbler
pierce my ears.
[chuckles]
Yeah, right.
Come on, what did
you really do?
My god. Steph,
t-they're infected.
Do you have any idea
how dangerous this is?
Now, dad, remember,
she's only 10.
I mean I did a lot of
stupid things in my time.
Things you wouldn't
even believe.
Like what?
Uh...maybe you two
should work this out.
Steph, sit down.
You lied to me and you
deliberately disobeyed me.
I told you you could get
your ears pierced
when you got to
Junior high, like D.J.
Why do I have to do
everything like D.J.?
When D.J. did it,
how D.J. did it.
I want to be treated
like an individual.
Okay, okay.
T-That's a good point.
It is?
I mean, it is.
Steph, let me ask
you a question.
Why did you want
pierced ears?
All my friends
have them.
So you wanted to be an
individual so you could be
exactly like your friends?
Well...no.
I guess...maybe.
Honey, if your friends didn't
have pierced ears
would you still want them?
I don't know.
Is this a trick question?
Stephanie, if you want
to be an individual
you have to know
what you want.
'As you get older,
you're gonna have to make'
more and more
tough decisions.
And you can't,
you can't base your decisions
on what your friends
are doing or what's popular
or what's on TV.
You have to know
what works for you.
How will I know?
Well, you have to think
about what's right.
And then if you
ever have any doubts
it's what I'm here for.
I love you, Steph.
I love you, too, dad.
Come here.
I'm so sorry.
Listen, from now on..
...we're gonna look at
each situation individually
and we're gonna base the rules
on what works for you, okay?
That sounds great.
Okay, let's get you to the
doctor and check those ears.
Good idea.
And then on the way back
we'll stop for burgers
and fries.
You're on a roll.
Because that's
the last meal
you're gonna be having out
for a long time.
- Grounded, huh?
- Yep.
I should have seen
that one coming.
I can't believe
you let Kimmy Gibbler
punch a hole
through your head.
Well, I--
Kimmy Gibbler?
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪