[instrumental music]
What do you want to play now?
Let's jump on the beds.
Nah, my daddy doesn't like that.
Let's play house.
Okay, you be the daddy.
Okay, you be the kid.
Okay.
Can we jump on the beds?
What did I just tell you?
But you're the daddy now.
In that case, let's do it!
[both laughing]
Your hair can jump higher
than you, you know.
Oh yeah.
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy evening TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Excellent. My Valentine
cards are all addressed.
Wow, Kimmy! I can't believe
you know so many guys.
Oh, I don't.
I only know these guys.
These are addressed
to occupant.
Okay, Steve, these cookies
are cool enough to pack.
But not in your mouth.
Something smells
like cookies.
I knew it.
Sorry, Michelle,
but these are for
the student council bake sale.
Bummer.
How come they're all
shaped like hearts?
Well, because they're
for Valentine's Day
and Valentine's Day
is about love
and love comes
from the heart.
Yeah, it's
a beautiful thing.
Hey, squirt,
I'm taking biology.
You want to see
what a real heart looks like?
E-e-ew!
Well, actually,
that's a baboon's heart
but you get the picture.
Kimmy, Kimmy, come on,
cool out, please.
Yeah, Michelle, you know,
we can spare one cookie.
Here you go. Look.
An "M" and sprinkles.
Now, you're
my special Valentine.
- I am?
- Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Hey, Deej, you gonna let
Thumbelina steal your man?
Hey, I can't stand
in the way of true love.
True love?
I'm never going
to eat this cookie.
[sighs]
- She's so cute.
- So cute.
Alright, Beck,
brace yourself.
I am about to enter
the computer age.
Is it 1973 already?
Ha ha ha. Funny, funny.
Look, I may have been
a little slow getting to it
but the point is..
...I have arrived.
Hey, Uncle Jesse, I heard you
got a new computer.
Yeah, you know,
my night school teacher
wasn't too impressed
with my handwriting.
He asked me if I wrote my last
report during an earthquake.
Yeah, I read that one.
"Tom Sewer and Huckleberry Fink"
by Marv Twain.
You know, we're
studying computers at school.
I could help you.
Stephanie, please,
I am fully aware, okay?
You know, I run
a computerized synthesizer
I run a 24-track
mixing board
I am no stranger
to technology.
Alright. Let's hit
that power button.
Let's find
that power button.
Allow me.
Oh. There it is.
Okay, there's the power button.
Very good. Fine.
Thank you very much.
I will take it from here.
[sniffles]
Where do I take it?
You have to call up
the program.
Oh, okay, I knew that.
Yo, program!
Just a little
computer humor.
Alright, maybe I need
a little help.
Try a lot of help.
Okay, what you do is, you
just hit return, then escape.
File, type the name of the file
format, line spacing,
two, return
and presto,
you're ready to go.
Alright, good.
That's very good. I got it.
Oh, except for I missed
one little thing.
- What?
- Everything before presto.
Okay, Joey,
get yourself psyched.
Today's the big day.
It's us against
your closet.
Come on,
you're way over the top.
Oh, really, when was the last
time you cleaned it out?
Okay, what's today, uh,
Tuesday, so it would be, uh..
Never.
I know I should have
rented that flamethrower.
Come on, Danny,
it's not that bad.
I always wondered
where that tunnel
on "Hogan's Heroes" came out.
[imitating Burkhalter]
Shut up, Klink.
Okay, you know what?
I can't believe you have
all this stuff here.
Look at this.
Pet rock. Good boy.
Oh, this is nice.
X-ray glasses.
Yeah. There you go.
Ooh, a Fonzie watch. Ayyy!
Look at this, a picture
of Barbara Ann Varanelli.
That's a tosser.
Why would you save a picture of
my old high-school girlfriend?
I don't know.
It was so long ago.
Don't be so grabby.
There's something
on the back.
"Dearest, whenever
I think of eternal love
only one name springs
to my lips...Joey."
Joey? When did you
go out with Barbara Ann?
I don't know. It was sometime
after you guys broke up.
Yeah? How long after?
I don't know. A week,
a month, a-a lunch hour.
Hey, look at that.
You switched to boxer shorts.
Daddy, what do you do
when you love someone?
Well..
Come here, honey.
When you love somebody you..
...start a relationship
with that person.
And if the relationship
grows and it blossoms
and your best friend
doesn't steal her away from you
and not tell you
about it for 20 years..
...maybe you might ask
that person to marry you.
Really?
That's all I need
to know.
Carry on, boys.
Joey, I want you
to tell me straight.
Did you steal Barbara Ann
away from me?
Danny, I happen
to be your best friend.
How insensitive
do you think I am?
Steve, wait. I need
to ask you something.
Sure, kid. You name it.
Will you marry me?
Huh! Why not? I got
no homework today.
Today? Works for me.
You know, Michelle,
if you're gonna get married
you're gonna need
an engagement ring.
Here. How about
this twisty tie?
Now, let's
do this right.
Michelle Tanner,
will you marry me?
Of course.
Why do you think I asked?
- Oh, Michelle, it's beautiful.
- Yeah.
Look how the wire
catches the light.
Well, we got to go.
See you later.
- I love that kid.
- She's so cute.
I'm getting married.
This is gonna be
the happiest day of my life.
[instrumental "Wedding March"]
[instrumental music]
- Come on. Sit down.
- What's so important?
Shh. I want it to be
a surprise. Sit down.
I'm getting married.
Hey, I love playing wedding.
I'm not playing.
This is for real.
I'm going to marry
Steve today.
Whoa! He's a babe!
You're telling me?
But isn't that D.J.'s
boyfriend?
Not anymore.
Hey, girls,
what you doing?
Aunt Becky,
how do you have a wedding?
Well, Michelle, you were at
my wedding. Don't you remember?
All I remember is..
...throwing flowers,
eating cake..
...and wearing tights
what made my knees itch.
Well, I'll tell you what.
We can look through
my wedding album, okay?
This will be
a lot of fun.
I haven't looked through
this book in such a long time.
Oh, look, look, look. Here we
are arriving at the church.
Oh, and here we are again
arriving at the correct church.
My dad was really nervous.
You look so beautiful.
'Aw, thanks.'
I got to find
a dress like that.
Oh, you will, sweetheart.
You are gonna make
a beautiful bride someday.
Someday?
Denise.
Look, here's Danny helping
the caterer scrub some pots.
Oh, and there you are
scratching your itchy knees.
Look at this, guys, I'm already
on page 12. This is so cool.
It is great living
in the computer age.
Although you guys are still
living in the Crayola age, huh?
Uncle Jesse,
can I ask you a question?
Sure, I'm on a little break
or as we say
in the computer world..
...a little downtime.
What happens
after you have a wedding?
Well, you kick out
all the relatives
count your toasters,
then you go on your honeymoon.
What's a honeymoon?
Well, a honeymoon is, um,
well, it's a very special time
where the, uh,
the newlywed couple, um..
...they get to know each other.
Don't they know each other
before the wedding?
Possibly.
But now they don't have
to hide it from their parents.
What did you and Aunt Becky
do on your honeymoon?
We were very busy.
Doing what?
Uh, writing thank you notes
for those toasters.
Listen, let's just say
that it's, it's a really
really fun trip to go on, okay?
Oh, thanks.
Where are you gonna
have your honeymoon?
I don't know. Hawaii
or Chuck E. Cheese.
Come on, I got work to do.
Run along, run along.
Nicky, Alex,
don't touch that.
[beeping]
"File erased?"
Uh-oh.
Excuse me. Move.
Here it is
Barbara Ann Varanelli.
Danny, lets just drop it.
I did not steal your girlfriend.
We'll just see
about that, won't we?
Hello. Yes, is this
Barbara Ann Varanelli?
Yes, yes. From-from-from
Golden Bay High School?
I am so glad I got ahold of you.
This, you're not gonna believe
this. This is Danny Tanner.
Right. Dan-Dan.
Yeah, all cleared up.
Look, the reason
I'm calling you
is-is actually
kind of silly, because--
It's very silly.
That was actually
Joey Gladstone.
She wants to say hi.
Ahem.
Babs.
Hey, how's it going?
[chuckles]
No, I can't.
I don't do
Flip Wilson anymore.
Okay, for old time's sake.
[imitating Flip Wilson]
The devil made me
do it, honey!
Give me that.
Hi, it's Dan-Dan again.
I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna ask you this.
When you were dating me
in high school
were you going out
with Joey, too?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
No.
Really?
Oh. Well, thanks
for clearing that up for me.
Oh, no, thanks,
but if I ever need any Amway
I'll give you a call.
Well, I guess you feel pretty
darn silly right about now.
Actually we should both feel
pretty darn silly
right about now.
Turns out the only reason
Barbara was going out
with either of us was
to make another guy jealous.
Well, who was he?
[sighs]
Some younger guy.
Maybe you know him.
His name was..
...Jesse Katsopolis.
I do know him.
Mayday! SOS!
My whole report
got erased.
Oh, gee, that's too bad.
Yeah, he's breaking my heart.
- Hello.
- Hey, you guys.
Steph, Nicky and Alex
got to my computer
they erased my whole report.
I need help.
Alright, everyone, stand back.
I'm gonna need
plenty of hot water.
To fix a computer?
No, I want
some hot chocolate.
Hey, Nicky, Alex,
my beautiful boys, hi!
Tell me, what did you do
to daddy's computer, huh?
All gone.
All gone?
Jess, isn't that cute?
I asked them what they did
to your report and they said..
Boys, daddy's computer
is not a toy.
(Jess)
'Steph, you brought
my report back.'
- How'd you do that?
- Simple.
The automatic backup feature
saves your document
every ten minutes.
Stephanie,
you're a genius.
Well, I wouldn't say that
but you're more
than welcome to.
- Hi.
- 'Hey.'
Hey, Deej, how'd
your bake sale go?
Oh, it was great.
Our class raised over $50.
Of course, 35 of that
was from Steve.
Yeah, now, I'm broke 'cause
I didn't see that stupid sign
"You eat it,
you bought it."
Is everybody ready?
Ready for what?
For Michelle's wedding.
Steve, I know you two
will be very happy.
Steven, Steven, Steven.
Is there something you'd
like to tell us, young man?
Michelle was just playing.
She asked Steve to marry her.
He gave her a ring.
It was so adorable.
Yeah, it was really cute.
You know, Steve
you're a very lucky young man.
You're gonna be
married to a woman
who can order
from the kiddie menu.
Ah, let's go, people.
The other guests are here.
- Come on. come on.
- We got to go to a wedding.
(Danny)
'Oh, I can't wait
to meet these other people.'
Ah, let's see who's here.
Oh, big bear. Yeah.
Wow, look at the turnout.
I don't recognize
any of these guests.
Here. You guys sit
with the bride's family.
Here we go.
Okay. Everybody line up.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Wow, this is
really nice. Nice.
- You ready?
- 'Let's do it.'
["Wedding March" music]
What a beautiful bride.
What a beautiful tablecloth.
I think I'm gonna cry.
You know, it's funny.
I always thought
you'd get married first.
Don't start.
Uh, you,
the husband over here.
Danny, look at it this way.
You're not losing a daughter
you're gaining
a garbage disposal.
- I'm so happy.
- Yeah, me, too.
Okay, the bride and groom
have to hold hands.
It's okay, Steve.
I washed.
Now, let's
get you two married.
Do you, Steve,
want to marry Michelle?
Yeah, sure.
You're supposed
to say, "I do."
Oh, sorry. I do.
Okay, do you, Michelle,
want to marry Steve?
You bet I do.
Okay, I now announce
you husband and wife.
Yay!
Great. Well, thanks, Michelle.
This was fun,
but I gotta get going, now.
You can't go.
But I have to. See, my mom's
making meat loaf tonight.
But we're married.
We're supposed
to stay together all the time.
Uh, Michelle, you do realize
this was just
a pretend wedding, don't you?
No, daddy,
it was a real one.
Well, I think we, uh, I think
we might have a problem here.
Uh, see, Michelle, if you
were really married to Steve
then you wouldn't be able
to live in the same room
with Stephanie anymore.
- That's right.
- My own room?
I'm sure you two
will be very happy.
Uh, Michelle, what we mean is,
after you get married
you move away from your family.
Is that what you really want?
Uncle Jesse
didn't move away.
Yeah, good point.
Steve, is Chuck E. Cheese
alright for our honeymoon?
Honeymoon?
Um, listen, Michelle..
My buddy.
I think that, uh,
I think that Steve and D.J.
they were, uh, they were
just kidding around.
I mean, this, this whole thing
isn't for real.
I don't believe it.
I'm sorry, honey, but what
Uncle Jesse said is true.
Michelle, we thought
that you were just playing.
- Steve?
- Michelle, I'm really sorry.
I thought we were
just having some fun.
That was mean,
really mean.
Michelle?
I'm sorry
you feel sad, honey.
Why won't Steve marry me?
Honey, you're six years old.
You're too young
to get married.
But I love Steve.
Look, I know you do
but it's not the same kind
of love that grownups feel
when they get married.
I hate being a little kid.
I can't stay up late,
I can't cross the street
I can't get married.
Oh, honey, I know
how you feel.
It's tough being a kid.
And sometimes people forget
how little kids have feelings.
And right now, you're..
What you're feeling
is a broken heart.
Can you fix it?
I'll try.
But you got
to understand, see
Steve is D.J.'s boyfriend.
She loves him
and he loves her.
It's still broken.
Come here, honey.
Look...one day..
...you'll be all grown-up
and you'll have a boyfriend
and then you'll
fall in love.
And then,
when you're older than that
much, much, much
older than that..
...you'll get married.
And you'll get married
because you want to spend
all your time
with that person.
I don't wanna wait.
Yeah, but there's
something great about
waiting for the person
that you love.
What?
Well, in the mean time
you get to be
with all the people
that you love.
You know, your family.
And we're gonna make sure
that you have lots of fun
and lots of hugs
and lots of kisses.
I think my heart
is feeling better.
Aw, that's my girl.
I love you so much.
[knock on door]
Michelle, are you alright?
I guess so.
Michelle, look, I-I know
you're angry at me
but I want you to know
I never meant
to hurt your feelings.
Are we still friends?
Yeah, we're friends.
D.J., he's all yours.
Thanks, Michelle.
You know, we're feeling pretty
guilty about this whole thing
so if there's anything
we can do to make it up
to you now's the time to ask.
Yeah, you name it.
Well, I'm thinking
pizza and plenty of it.
Sure. It's my treat.
Thanks, Steve.
Hey, no problem, Michelle.
Uh, Mr. Tanner, could I borrow
a couple of bucks?
Don't worry about it.
I'll put it on your tab.
Come on, Steve. By the way,
call me "Mr. Tanner, sir."
Mr. Tanner, sir..
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪