[instrumental music]
[piano music]
♪ This old man ♪
♪ He played one ♪
♪ He played knick-knack
on my thumb ♪
Guys, guys, that's cute,
but we're falling asleep here.
Well, what would
you suggest, shorty?
Play something
that we can dance to.
- Reggae, man!
- Reggae!
Okay, let's go!
Come on, boys!
[reggae music]
Oooh la-la-la!
♪ This old man ♪
♪ He played one ♪
♪ He played knick-knack
on my thumb ♪
♪ Knick-knack paddywhack
give a dog a bone ♪
Now, it's a party.
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy evening TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
"And so Dexter the dinosaur
finally got his supper.
A nice, big palm tree."
See, Michelle, even back then
they knew the importance
of a high-fiber diet.
Okay. Goodnight. Lights out.
Wait! Are we going to see
real dinosaurs tomorrow?
Well, Michelle, the museum
only has dinosaur bones.
You see, dinosaurs lived
a long, long, long time ago.
Long before people, okay?
Enough stalling. Okay?
Lights out.
But Fred Flintstone
had dinosaurs.
Sweetheart, Fred Flintstone
is a cartoon.
He has no neck.
He showers with
an elephant's trunk.
Now, that is it.
Goodnight. Lights out.
- Hi, guys.
- Lights on.
Listen, Danny, uh,
Mrs. Gwelf just called
from the parent-volunteer
program and she said she's sick
and she can't help you with
the kids tomorrow at the museum.
Oh, no.
I can't handle this by myself.
Sixteen kids and one parent?
Custer had better
odds than that.
You mean, I'm not going to
see any dinosaurs tomorrow?
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
not unless
we can get another volunteer.
Oh, no-no-no!
O-h-h. No, no, no.
I know what you guys are doing.
I'm hip to your
little game here, okay?
First you'll give me
that sad little face.
Like this and
I start feeling guilty
and then you kick in
with the "Uncle Jesse, please
Uncle Jesse, we need you."
Then I'll start breaking down.
I'll start changing my..
Okay! I'll go!
Get off my back.
I'm getting good at this.
[Danny chuckling]
- Well, welcome aboard, Jess.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm sure you can fill
Mrs. Gwelf's shoes.
She wears these
little red pumps. They're--
- Don't start.
- You'll look adorable in them.
- Okay, goodnight, sweetie.
- Goodnight, honey.
- Not you.
- Michelle.
- Goodnight.
- 'Uncle Jesse?'
Can you read me another
Dexter the Dinosaur story?
Sure, munchkin.
Michelle, come on,
you know the rules.
One bedtime story
and 30 seconds of stalling.
You've had both.
Danny, what's the big deal?
It's just one story.
Do, uh..
Alright, this is good. Okay.
"Dexter the Dinosaur's
Trip to the Tar Pit."
The last in the series.
Jess, rules are rules.
Rules were meant to be broken.
Pinatas were
meant to be broken.
Are you guys startin' to fight?
- No!
- Not at all!
- No fighting.
- No way!
We're just having
a spirited discussion
about our different
philosophies.
That's all, Michelle.
I don't know what that is but..
...let's go get some
ice cream and talk about it.
(together)
Goodnight, Michelle.
Goodnight.
[instrumental music]
Joey, uh, the kids
are gonna be here
any minute for the field trip,
okay? Do me a favor.
Could you just rinse these off
and put 'em in the dishwasher?
- Mm-hmm, yeah, sure.
- Thanks, buddy.
Yeah.
You know what, I'll, uh..
I'll just, uh,
leave 'em in the sink.
Don't you worry about 'em.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm, yeah, okay.
(Stephanie)
'Okay, Joey.'
I washed and waxed your car
cleaned out your trunk-junk
and...chiseled the raisinettes
out of your ashtray.
Well, Steph, it certainly sounds
like I got my ten bucks worth.
Here you go
and, uh, thank you.
Alright.
I'll add this ten dollars
to the Stephanie Tanner
new bike fund.
Bringing the grand total to..
...ten dollars!
[sighs]
Oh, what you want me
to do with this junk?
Hey, you cleaned it.
You own it.
See ya.
Steve, don't worry about it.
But it's my prom.
If I had the cash,
I'd get a nice tux
and rent one
of those big Limos.
Steve, I don't need a bid Limo.
I don't even like Limos.
All I need is you.
All I need is something
to keep my breakfast down.
Hey, Steve, do you
collect baseball cards?
Nah, just the gum.
Check it out.
These cards are from 1968.
My little brother
might like 'em.
Look at these guys.
Wilbur Wood, bad hair.
Nolan Ryan, bad hair.
Don Zimmer, no hair.
Hey, this Jim Palmer guy's
pretty cute.
Cute?
I'll take that.
- Well..
- Bye.
Gotta go.
Thanks for the cards, Steph.
Just leave
the cute guy with me.
Bye.
Hi, D.J.
Hi, Stephie.
- 'Hey!'
- 'Hi, you guys.'
Boys have fun at
Cooper's birthday party?
Oh, yeah. Are you kidding?
They were a couple
of party animals.
Here you go.
Hey, do you guys
want some juice?
D.J.'s got some juice for you.
Remember what I taught you?
To health, wealth,
and dry diapers.
(D.J.)
'Cheers!'
Cheers!
[both laughing]
Hey, what's this?
Jim Palmer, the guy
from the underwear ads.
Wow! He looks good
even with his pants on.
Phew!
Well, look at that,
born in New York City.
You know, these old cards, they
can be really, really valuable.
My brother, he's
a collector and um..
...well, he held on to his
Nolan Ryan 1968 rookie card.
It's now worth over $2,000.
Two thousand dollars?
For Nolan Ryan?
I just had that card.
Stretch Limo, here I come!
I thought you said
you didn't like Limos.
That was before
I had a rich boyfriend.
You still don't.
It's my money.
Dream on.
You gave that card to Steve!
- I was cleaning out Joey's car.
- You just handed it to him.
[blows toot]
Girls, could someone calmly
explain to me
what's going on here?
- Okay.
- Sure.
See, I was cleaning out
Joey's car and I brought it in--
She gave the card to Steve,
so the money is..
[all laughing]
And when we get to the museum,
we've got to see those dead guys
wrapped up in toilet paper.
- Ew!
- 'Ew!'
Alright, let's get this
prehistoric party on the road!
- Is everybody pumped?
- Oh, yes!
I was awake all night
in anticipation.
I bet you were, Derek.
Why'd Mrs. Gwelf
have to get sick?
Now, we're stuck with you.
[chuckles]
Aaron, my boy, you know
why don't we, uh, just
drop you off at her house.
Maybe she has
something contagious.
Uncle Jesse, can we
bring some music?
Sure, Michelle.
We're here to have a good time.
- Crank it up, sista.
- Cool.
[pop music]
(in unison)
Yay!
[upbeat music]
[chuckling]
Okay. Alright!
Settle down, settle down.
Whoa! Off my couch.
Off my couch, buddy.
Settle down, please.
Settle, hello!
[music stops]
Jess, I thought you were
gonna get the kids organized.
Oh, they're organized.
They're all here.
No one's bleeding.
Alright, kids, today,
we're gonna learn a whole lot
and we're gonna
have a wonderful time.
We're gonna pair off in buddies
and we're gonna
explore the museum
in two nice straight lines.
Danny, it's a field trip,
not boot camp.
Jess, kids need the rules.
Our prisons are
chock-full of people
who went on field trips, where
nobody told 'em the rules.
Hey, can we go before we're
as old as the dinosaurs?
Uh, I got an idea.
You know what?
We'll split the little goobers
up into two little groups..
...you do your thing
and I'll do my thing.
Okay, okay, fine.
Okay, everybody that wants
a day of, of adventure
and enlightenment,
line up with me right over here.
[clinking]
And everyone who wants to
get down with the dinosaurs..
...hustle your
little heinies over here.
Okay, everybody
'arms down at your sides.'
Stand up straight, chest out.
And stare at the back
of the head of the person
in front of you. Not you.
Okay, everybody, get in
a circle, put your hands in.
Alright, that's good.
Alright.
Hey, Michelle,
welcome to the group.
Is it alright
if I go with them?
Sure. Sure. You go ahead.
Do...you do whatever you want.
- Alright. Come on, Michelle.
- Alright.
Put your hand in.
We're in a fun group today!
(kids)
'Yay!'
Kids, quiet, please.
No chewing gum.
'Cause we're in a museum.
That rhymed, isn't that funny?
I made that up.
[sighing]
Ah, look at this.
This is a fine specimen
of dinosaurhood, isn't it?
This is, uh,
this is my old friend.
This is, uh,
tsintaosaurus spinorhinus.
He was a bird-hipped dinosaur
that, uh, belonged to the
hadrosaur or duck-billed family
of plant-eating dinosaurs.
That was way back.
At end of the, uh, mesozoic era.
- Yes, Terri.
- You're smart.
You should be on "Jeopardy!"
Aw, thanks, Terri.
He's not smart.
He's reading the plaque.
[all laughing]
You know, Aaron..
...one of the reasons
this guy's extinct
is 'cause he talked back
to a bigger dinosaur.
Sorry, sir.
It'll never happen again.
Alright. Now, look at that.
[chuckles]
[kids laughing]
Well, look who's here.
The Wild Bunch.
Alright, gang. Look at this.
This is the, uh,
rare bonehead-a-saurus.
Oh, not the tall kid with
a tie, the big brown one.
How come you never see these
guys hanging out anymore?
'Cause they used to live
with the Fred Flintstones
but then they got canceled.
Well, Jess, I don't hear
any sirens going off. Uh..
So, I assume your group's
been behaving themselves.
Well, actually,
Colonel Compulsive
we're having a very
educational afternoon.
Michelle, tell your old man
what you learned today.
We learned about whales,
mummies and birds.
You see that? Whales, mummies,
and birds, okay?
So, you can have fun and learn
at the same time.
It's very simple.
But the most fun
was the escalator races.
Whoa! Stop it with
the escalator races.
Escalator races?
That's fascinating.
Guess we must've missed
that exhibit, huh?
Okay, my group of well-behaved,
beautiful children
I'd like you to stay in
this room and check out
the rest of the exhibit, okay?
Now, find your buddy.
Alright.
Have fun.
Okay, my very cool group,
find your buddy.
Whoa! Ho ho.
See? I'm their buddy.
Okay. Okay, good.
Now, you guys run off
and have some fun, but learn.
Okay? Learn and have fun.
You see, Danny, you don't have
to treat the kids like soldiers.
You know, you let 'em
have a little freedom
and you'll be
surprised what they do.
Oh, yeah. They're mastering
the limbo over there.
Danny, relax.
They're just
havin' a little fun.
No harm done, brother man.
Yeah, yeah, no harm done,
brother man!
I don't need to take
advice from a guy who spent
his entire childhood
in the principal's office.
Look who's talking, here's
the guy who was so proud to be
the hall monitor
just so he could bust people
because they put their lips
on the drinking fountain.
If wasn't for guys like you,
we wouldn't have needed
hall monitors in
the first place.
What's your problem today, man?
Hey, I don't have
any problems, you know.
If that sign didn't say
"Quiet, please"
I'd tell you what
your problem was.
Oh, who cares about being quiet.
Everything in here's dead.
[scoffs]
Yeah, but your group's
alive and kickin'.
Aw, Derek, not you.
Hey! Now, stop
throwing those pamph..
Hey, if throw another pamphlet
I'm coming up there.
Alright, one more after that,
I'm running up those stairs.
(Jesse)
'Alright, come on. Let's
pick 'em up, pick 'em up..'
Alright. My group,
everybody line up over here.
[clicking]
Perfect. Okay.
Now, we're going to all march
into the wonderful world
of rocks and minerals.
You ready?
Hold onto your socks.
We're going to see rocks.
Hey, Michelle,
you want to play tag?
You think we should?
Of course. We're the fun group.
Oh, yeah.
And you're it.
[both chuckling]
(Jesse)
'Hold it! Whoa! Hey! Stop!'
Mellow out.
[both laughing]
Hey! Drop that dinosaur!
I mean, set it down gingerly.
Guys, guys.
Hey, stop it!
Give me that thing!
Give me that.
(Michelle)
You can't get me.
You can't..
Oops!
Uh-oh!
[intense music]
[girl screaming]
Are you guys okay?
I broke the dinosaur.
Man, there's nothing
left but his butt.
[instrumental music]
Alright, don't panic.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Don't panic,
all we have to do is..
...put it back together somehow.
How's that song go?
Oh, I-I got it.
Uh, oh! Alright.
Leg bone is connected to a, uh..
...the foot bone.
And a foot bone is..
...connected to
a rib bone, of course.
A foot, rib bone..
(Jesse)
'The rib bone is connected to..'
Jesse!
What did you do?
Do you have any glue?
Okay, thank you.
- Was Steve there?
- No!
I called the Pizza Shack, the
Waffle Hut, the Burger Corral
and the Falafel House
and they all said the same thing
"He just left."
Deej, it's obvious
what happened.
Steve finds out the Nolan Ryan
card is worth big bucks.
Now, he's got two grand
in his pocket.
So, he carbo loads
flies to Fort Lauderdale
and becomes a judge
in the Sun and Buns
bikini contest.
Thanks, Kimmy.
Hey, that's what grandpa
did when he won the lotto.
Hi! Have you decided
who the card belongs to?
- It's still mine.
- The card belongs to Steve's.
Joey told me that I could have..
I see you're still
working on it.
Hey, does Joey know about this?
Know about what?
Joey, remember all that
junks from your car?
Uh-huh! Yeah.
Well, there was a Nolan Ryan
baseball card in there
worth $2,000.
Two thousand dollars?
A two with, with three zeros?
[water splashing]
Oh, we're out of juice.
- Hey, everybody.
- Where have you been?
Hey, Steph, did you know that
one of those baseball cards
that you gave me is worth money?
Really? Fork it over.
Well, it's too late.
I already sold it
to my brother's friend
for a pretty nice
chunk of change.
Yes!
And, Steph, since
you gave me the card
the money goes to you.
Yes!
Steve, did you know that
Joey gave her that card?
Oh, really, then
I guess the right thing to do is
I give the money to Joey.
- No!
Yes!
And, uh, Steve, since you
did the right thing
I'm gonna do the right thing
I'm gonna split the money
with all you guys.
- Yeah!
- Yes! My new bike.
Prom in a Limo!
You know, I've never
been to Dollywood.
How are you gonna do
all that on 30 bucks?
What are you saying?
Is that a three with one zero?
- Hey, Donald Chump.
- That card's worth 2,000 bucks.
What?
That little twerp ripped me off?
Well, don't worry, okay?
Because I'm gonna get
the card back for us.
Well, Steve, what if he
doesn't wanna give it back.
He's nine years old.
I'm captain of
the wrestling team.
We'll work it out.
You gotta love him.
Hey, Jess!
Tell me again, the foot
bone's connected to what?
Come on, give it a rest, okay?
They said they
could fix the dinosaur.
And I promised to do
volunteer work at the museum.
For the next ten weekends
in a row, I'm gonna be
combing out the woolly mammoth.
You're lucky they
didn't press charges.
(Danny)
'You know, I asked
you to make sure'
that the kids follow the rules.
But did you listen to me?
No, not you,
not Mr. Fun-boy.
Come on, Mr. Law and order
I was just tryin' to let
the kids have some fun
and, so it got
a little out of hand.
A little out of hand!
Jess, a little
out of hand is cutting
in line at the algae exhibit.
You let the kids
run totally wild.
They knocked over
a priceless dinosaur!
Oh, come on,
it's not priceless.
They said it was
only worth about
like, like $4 million bucks.
When are you gonna
stop trying to be Mr. Cool
and start taking your
responsibilities more seriously?
When are you gonna
get off my back?
I'll get off your back,
when you start acting grown--
Stop it! Stop fighting!
I'm the one who knocked it over,
remember? It's my fault.
Let's go.
Listen, Michelle, what happened
with the dinosaur today
was not your fault.
But I'm the one
who knocked it over.
It was an accident, sweetheart.
A humongous accident.
Yeah, you're right.
But you shouldn't have
been running around.
The reason that
dinosaur got knocked over
is because I was doing
a lousy job of being in charge.
I was trying to be
cool and be loose and, uh..
...wound up messing
everything up. I'm sorry.
I wanted to be
in the fun group
but it was no fun.
I wish I never went
with you, Uncle Jesse.
Hey, wait,
just a second, Michelle.
I want you to take it easy
on your Uncle Jesse.
I've been rough enough
on him for the both of us.
That's okay, Danny.
I deserve it.
No. You-you deserve some of it.
Truth is, I think..
...I think, I was a little
hurt when Michelle chose
to go with your group.
And that's, that's why
I was so hard on you today.
I'm sorry, Jess.
Cool.
Michelle..
...you have to remember how
much you love your Uncle Jesse.
How much fun you have with him.
You might not believe this
but before he moved in with us..
...I used to be a little
on the stiff side.
(Michelle and Jesse)
No!
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
But it took a guy
like your uncle..
...who knew how
to...hang loose.
He taught me how
to bend a little bit.
And, I think it's helped
make me a better father.
Well, your dad taught me what
being a father is all about.
I mean, he maybe a little strict
and he may have a lot of rules
but...I think, it's just
because he cares so much.
Aw, thanks, brother man.
Ain't nothing, brother man.
Now, Michelle, next time you
see me bending a little too much
you let me know, okay?
(Danny)
'And if I get
a little carried away'
and I start making
too many rules
you let me know, too.
Does this mean I'll get
extra bedtime stories?
- Yes.
- No.
- Well, yeah, then.
- No.
Boy, it's hard
keeping up with you two.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪