Alright, soldiers.
Listen up.
Those there are tricycles.
They can be your best friend.
They can be your worst enemy.
Joey, just let 'em ride.
Alright.
Gentlemen.
Start your engines.
Didn't you guys
ever hear of pedals?
It worked for Fred Flintstone.
Yabba dabba doo!
Baba daba doo!
I love those guys.
[John Stamos singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man the paper boy
evenin' TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
(Jesse)
'Alright, Nicky.
Way to go!'
[toilet flushes]
Alex, your brother did it.
He went potty.
- Jess.
- Beck, I got great news.
- So do I.
- No, mine is really big.
Mine is huge. Bigger than
anything you've ever heard.
- Enormous!
- Whoa. Really?
No. I just
wanted to go first.
Listen, honey, I got a two-week
tryout as a field reporter
for the afternoon news.
Rebecca Donaldson "On The Spot."
Congratulations.
That is big news.
That's even bigger than Nicky
using the little baby potty.
- Nicky used the potty?
- Uh-huh.
You mean not as a hat?
Nicky,
that is big news. Alright.
Alright.
Oh, honey,
you would've been so proud
seeing him sit up there
on his little throne.
All he needed
was the sports page.
Oh, honey.
They're growing up so fast.
I'm really gonna miss
having babies around.
Yeah, but you know what,
this-this is good.
I mean, now you can concentrate
on your career.
I mean, this-this new gig came
at the perfect time.
I mean, you know the old saying
things have a way
of workin' out
the way they're supposed to
work out, and when they work out
you-you gotta just, you know,
step back and say...hey.
That's not an old saying.
Give it time.
Potty.
Potty? Yeah?
Honey, it's an encore.
'Alex, grab a crayon
and take notes, son.'
'Let's go watch your brother.'
Hey, Steph.
Where's Michelle?
Oh, she's still out back
with Scruffy.
You know, it was
really nice of you guys
to watch the Davis' dog
while they're on vacation.
Uh, dad, Scruffy's not
your typical dog.
[grunts]
That...that-that would be a pig.
That's...you-you did not say
that Scruffy was a pig.
You didn't ask.
(Stephanie)
'Comet, meet Scruffy.'
[grunting]
[whining]
I'm with Comet.
You-you cannot keep
a pig in this house.
Pigs are dirty
and they're stinky.
[snorting]
Dirty and stinky, huh?
[grunting]
Yeah, well, he says
you're no prize either.
(Danny)
'Oh, good. I'm sure Jesse
will agree with me.'
Jess, do you wanna live
in the same house with this pig?
Well, it's been six years.
I'm kind of getting used to him.
- Not him, him.
- Aah!
Uncle Jesse,
how can you say that?
He's adorable.
You wanna feed him?
No. I'd-I'd love to, but
I'm, uh, I'm fresh out of slop.
He drinks from a bottle.
Well, alright.
I'll-I'll give it a whirl.
There you go.
Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa...hey.
Look at this.
[chuckling]
He's...he's, uh, he's really
kind of cute in a..
...hideous sort of way.
Please, dad. We promised
to watch him for a few days.
- Please. Please. Please.
- Please, dad, please.
- He's so cute.
- Okay, okay.
But he better not go wee-wee-wee
all over my house.
And-and keep him off
of the couch, okay?
I haven't had it swine-guarded.
Aww, this reminds me
of when I used to feed
Nicky and Alex their bottle.
They used to make
that same little slurpy noise.
He loves you, Uncle Jesse.
Well, I'm actually
kind of fond of him too.
That's so cute, you know,
when he looks at me
with those big brown eyes
and that wet snout, I..
I kind of feel something.
Hot pig breath?
No.
No, I feel like holding
a baby in my arms
and feeding him again, you know.
Uh, Becky and I
were just talkin' about, uh
how fast the boys
are growin' up.
Yeah, you know what, Jess,
I kind of miss
having babies around the house,
too.
Well, maybe you don't
have to miss them anymore.
What are you sayin'?
Sayin' we could have more kids.
You think we could?
The time is perfect.
Alright, let's do it.
[instrumental music]
- 'Jess, what's goin' on?'
- Hold on. One second.
♪ Baby baby baby
baby baby ♪♪
Right this way.
Katsopolis, table for two.
Smoking, non-smoking,
somethin' by the hamper perhaps.
Honey, this is so romantic.
Yes, well, when you're dealing
with a guy like me, you know..
It's really nothing,
just something I slaved over
for the last four hours.
- Thank you.
- There you go.
Ah! Ooh!
Notice something, uh,
special about the menu today?
Oh, let's see, uh..
- Baby ribs.
- 'Uh-huh.'
- Baby shrimp.
- 'Hmm.'
- Baby corn.
- Huh-huh.
Jess, this is the same dinner
I made for you
when I told you
I was pregnant.
Exactly.
What are you saying?
What I'm saying is, I'm saying
let's have another baby.
- When?
- Now.
I mean, not now.
Nine months from now.
But this morning you said
that this would be a good time
for me to concentrate
on my career.
Yes, but this morning, you said
you miss having babies around.
Jess, where's this coming from?
Oh, honey, come on.
There-there-there's nothing
like holding a baby in your arms
and-and feeding him
and having the big eyes
looking up at you, and..
...the wet snout, and..
...little corkscrew tail
spinning around like that.
- Honey.
- Huh?
I think all that mousse
is seeping into your brain.
(Nicky)
'Mama.'
Oh, that's Nicky.
(Nicky)
'Daddy.'
- My man.
- Honey.
- What's the matter, pal?
- Come here, sweetie.
Aww! Come here, baby.
- Uh, you know what, Jess.
- Hmm.
He has a little fever.
Oh, sweetie, it's okay.
It's okay, mommy's gonna
cancel her assignment
and stay with you
till you're all better.
No, no, she isn't.
Mommy's gonna go to work.
Look, look.
I'll take care of the boys.
You do the career thing,
and I will do the parent thing.
And what about your radio thing?
- Oh, that.
- You see, Jess?
There you are.
You wanna have another baby?
Our lives
are-are too busy already.
Oh, honey, look. I have a
recording studio downstairs.
The station does remotes all the
time, I'll do the show from here
and that way,
I can take care of the boys.
Oh, yeah, and if we sell
cotton candy
we can turn this place
into a carnival.
Honey, I'm serious, now,
this is the perfect opportunity
to prove to you
that we can have another baby.
Now, uh, if I could do the show
and take care of two kids
one of 'em being sick,
I'm tellin' you
we can handle anything.
- You think so?
- Yes, I know..
Honey, look, in life,
there are no problems.
There are just solutions
waiting to be found.
Hallmark card?
Fortune cookie.
Don't get your tail in a knot,
pal. It's not a pork roast.
Oh, good. You gonna
take out that pig?
He doesn't like
to be called that pig.
Yeah, dad. You don't call
Michelle that human.
So from now on,
please call him Scruffy.
Alex, say hi to Scruffy.
Piggy.
Why do I even bother?
- Alright, Alex is all yours.
- Thank you.
While I do the show.
And, uh, Nicky's upstairs
sleepin' like a baby.
Is his nose
still all stuffed up?
[Nicky snoring]
- I'll take that as a yes.
- 'Hmm.'
Where's Joey? We're on the air
in five minutes.
He went out rollerblading.
Oh, one of the donut dive
open up a skate-through window?
No, he's just,
he's working out.
Work out, well,
if he's not back in five minutes
he's gonna be out of work.
- Give me a kiss.
- Okay.
- Not you.
- I know.
- Be a good boy.
- 'See you later.'
Now, Alex,
today is your lucky day
because you are gonna learn
how to use a baster.
Okay. You're all set
to broadcast, chief.
Alright. Thanks, commodore.
Thank you.
Careful. Careful, buddy.
Take it easy.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Take it slowly.
Careful, careful.
Oh, man.
What happened to you?
I was rollerblading,
and I had a little mishap.
A little mishap?
You told me you tripped over
a garden hose
fell into an open dumpster
and then rolled down Nob Hill.
That's a very common accident.
I'll be fine. I just need
to lie down for a minute.
[grunts]
Or six days.
Dad, Scruffy got loose
in the house.
Boy, those little pig legs
can really move.
Oh, no, you have any idea
what cloven hooves
can do to a hardwood floor?
Here.
Hey, you're supposed to be
watchin' Alex for me.
I'm sorry, I'll be right back.
I got a pig in the house.
Alright. Here, son. Color.
Hey, roller boy, get up.
We got five seconds
until we're on the air.
Jess, I can't move anything
below my eyebrows.
♪ Rush Hour Renegades ♪
♪ Coming at ya ♪
That's right,
it's the "Rush Hour Renegades"
comin' at you live
from our house.
And, uh, we got a great show
planned for you, right, Joseph?
[grunts]
Okay, but first, a word
from, uh, one of our sponsors.
It is, uh,
"Vic's Vision Center."
"Hey, listen, if you're driving,
and you need glasses
pull over."
Boy, we are sailing now.
- 'Daddy!'
- Oh, Nicky's up.
Alright, son.
I'll be right there.
Joseph, trusted partner.
Old buddy of mine.
'Useless lump.'
Get off your butt.
Jess, I can't even
feel my butt.
(Nicky)
'Daddy!'
Alright, I'm coming, son.
J-Jess, the-the commercial's
almost over.
[sighs]
I'll put on some music.
(Alex)
'Help. Daddy.'
Son, son, son, son, son,
don't play with daddy's things.
Let go.
Oh, come on, son, I'm supposed
to be doin' a radio show.
I got a partner who is in pain,
your brother's sick
and I'm trying to prove your mom
we can have another kid.
(Nicky)
'Daddy!'
And it's-it's just..
It's-it's not working.
- 'Nicky.'
- 'Scruffy.'
- Daddy's coming!
- Scruffy.
Hey, guys, can you watch Alex
for a second? Thanks.
Danny, listen, there's a song
playin' downstairs.
When it's over,
put in another cart, will you?
- Another cart, no problem.
- Thank you.
- I'm coming!
- Scruffy!
What the heck's a cart?
Hey, you. Don't. Sit.
Hey, I found the pig.
(Michelle)
'He has a name!'
(Jesse)
'I'm comin'.'
What's the matter, pal?
Oh, come here.
Oh, your nose is runnin'.
Here, here.
Give it your best shot.
[blows nose]
Well, son, you got
a heck of a honk there.
Alright, come on.
Let's, uh, let's listen
to daddy's radio show
while you drift back
to dreamland, okay?
Here we go.
Yes, we'll show mama
we can have another baby, huh?
Hey, Joey, how do you get
on the air with this thing?
Oh, Danny,
you push the red button
but-but I don't think
you should, okay?
Hey, ya, you're listening
to Danny The T
filling in for Jesse The K
and Joey The H
which stands for horizontal
which is exactly
what he's doing right now.
[laughing]
Hey, hey, I'm on the radio,
and look at that.
I'm getting a cardiovascular
workout at the same time.
And one, and two.
Hey, Joey, this is fun.
You guys get paid for this?
Until today.
Put some music on.
And, uh, how exactly would I
do that, my laid-back buddy?
Start the bottom right
cartridge and push
the third fader from the left.
Quickly.
Got it.
Uh, dad, what's goin' on?
We're doin' a radio show.
Sorry, Uncle Jesse's
upstairs with Nicky
and, uh, Joey's
in a little pain.
- Oh, is it your back?
- Yes, and my hand.
Kimmy's standing on it. Gibbler!
What a whiner.
Well, dad, we didn't know
you were gonna be here.
We wanted to use the studio
to record a rap
that Kimmy wrote for
the wrestling team's pep rally.
Great. Let's hear what you got.
On the radio?
I don't know, we're pretty bad.
Oh, don't worry about it.
We're not on the air.
Nobody can hear you.
Besides I kinda like
that skip-hop music.
Dad, don't you mean hip-hop?
Oh, yeah, I like it all.
Alright, guys. Ready?
Hit it!
[beatboxing]
♪ Yo half Nelson full Nelson
pin and reversal ♪
♪ Gonna do it all
'cause this ain't no rehearsal ♪
♪ Headlocks scissor-holds
gut-busters too ♪
♪ And if it takes an eye gouge
that's what we'll do ♪
[beatboxing]
- 'Hey, who's spitting on me?'
- 'Nobody's spitting on you.'
[indistinct chattering]
Here. Here you go, son.
There you go.
You go back to sleep
while I go downstairs
and kill your Uncle Danny.
[grunting]
Hey, we gotta stop
meeting like this.
Here, let me, uh..
Here. Come here.
Let me, uh..
Yeah, well, uh, okay.
It's cool. I know how you feel.
I don't like anyone
touching my hair either, um..
Alright, here you go.
Here, you have it.
There we go.
Right into the little pigpen.
There you go. Okay, stay.
- What are you talkin' about?
- The problem is your voice.
No, the problem is your lyrics.
The problem is
you're both right.
Excuse me?
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
What's goin' on here?
- Jess, is somethin' wrong?
- Yes, something's wrong.
You're on the air.
Hey, this is Jesse Katsopolis.
And if you're still out there
listening, God bless you.
Alright, uh, the good news is
I'm back at the controls.
Joey's doing fine.
[grunts]
- And the best part is..
- Scruffy's back!
Scruffy's back.
Well, the fun never stops.
We'll be right back
right after these messages.
Jess, I'm sorry,
Joey told me to hit
the third fader from the left.
It's the third fader
from the right.
You know, from down here
you really lose
all sense of direction.
[grunting]
Alright, quiet, everybody.
The commercial's almost over.
[Scruffy grunting]
I said quiet, Kimmy.
Hey, that's not my grunt.
Alright, we are back
with the "Rush Hour Renegades."
And we're gonna finally get
to some of those comedy bits
we've been promising you.
[grunting]
Hey, get it.
Grab that porker!
And they're off.
Coming round the first turn,
it's Scruffy by a snout.
[indistinct chattering]
If anyone out there
has a tranquilizer gun..
(Danny)
'Get him! Get him! Get him!'
'No more. Okay, he's mine.'
...or a really big Kaiser roll,
please give me a call.
Okay, pal, you're mine.
[Scruffy squealing]
Okay, I hope you all enjoyed
that little bit.
It's called..
Get the pig out of here!
It's out of here.
I'm gonna take him
to an animal shelter
or home for the wayward hog
or somethin'. Come on.
Okay, I think we had
enough laughs for today.
Let's just play
a little more music.
You could never
get enough of that stuff.
I think it's goin' pretty well.
Shut up.
(Michelle)
'Fire!'
- Fire?
- Whoa.
- 'Be careful.'
It's okay, everyone.
It was, it was just the roast.
Who likes theirs well done?
Dad, if Scruffy
hadn't come to get us
the whole house
could have burned down.
You're my hero.
Uh, Scruffy, here,
have a grape, buddy.
I wanna apologize
for that wayward hog crack.
That was way out of line.
Really.
You really came
through for us, bud.
From now on,
my house is your pigpen.
Where's the fire?
Uh, it was in the oven.
It's out. Everything is fine.
Oh, yeah.
Everything's fine.
I'm havin' a terrific day.
I think we should do
more shows from the house.
Zip it.
How are you feeling, Joey?
Not bad
for a human snack tray.
Dad, can we play
with Scruffy now?
Oh, maybe later, honey.
We're-we're bonding.
Hey, if dad adopts him,
he sleeps in your room.
Hey, quiet, quiet. She's on.
Oh, look, Scruffy.
It's Aunt Becky.
Here's a twist
on the old-cab-driver-helps
a-passenger-give-birth story.
Bobo, a mime, on his way
to perform at a children's
birthday party was in a cab
when his driver, Jenna Sandstrom
suddenly went into labor.
'Bobo remained calm'
helped Jenna pull over
to the side of the road
and without saying a word,
delivered her baby.
And now, making his first
television appearance
is six pound eight ounce,
Bobo Sandstrom
named after his silent savior.
Oh, yes, sweetie.
Oh, Bobo, I know you're
too little to realize this
but someday, you'll understand
just how miraculous
your entrance into the world
really was.
I'm Rebecca Donaldson
"On The Spot"
with Jenna Sandstrom
San Francisco's
newest little bundle of joy
and Bobo...
who's in a box.
Goodnight, boys.
- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Beck.
Hey, great report today,
sweetheart.
- That was terrific.
- Thanks.
- How was your day?
- Oh, my day?
My day was great. Oh, it was
just-just out of this world.
It was a, a day from hell,
basically.
[sighs]
Beck, maybe you're right.
I mean,
with this new job of yours..
I don't know, maybe
we shouldn't have another baby.
I can't take care
of three kids.
And Joey.
Honey, I'm not
gonna take the job.
Why not?
Well, I already have a job.
I have two jobs.
I have my show,
and I have my family.
Oh, come on, Becky.
You were so good today.
You gotta go for it.
Well, that's what I thought when
I left the house this morning
but you know then
when I was at the hospital
and I held little Bobo
in my arms..
- The baby, not the mime.
- Yeah.
...I realized how much I,
I missed holding my own babies.
What are you saying?
You saying you wanna
have a baby?
- Yes.
- I don't believe this.
We-we want the same thing
at the same time?
I think so.
That's great because
you know what, sweetheart..
...we make beautiful babies
together.
Heck, we make 'em two at a time.
I love you so much.
Now, just out of curiosity, uh..
...when would you like to start?
- Now works for me.
- Me too.
[Becky laughing]
- 'Jess.'
- 'Yeah.'
(Becky)
'Your nose is wet.'
[Scruffy grunting]
(Becky and Jess)
'Scruffy!'
[theme music]
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪