Oh, I'm sick.
Is there a doctor in the house?
'Is there a doctor
in the house?'
Oh, two doctors! Very good.
Ah-h-h. Ah-h-h.
Thank you. Alright, uh..
What's my old ticker say?
- Boom, boom, boom.
I feel like a million bucks
plus tax. You, you guys really..
Okay, check the ear real fast.
Okay.
You can see right
through, right?
'Thank you. I'm all better now.'
What do you guys want?
Wha-what kind of payment?
- How can I pay you?
- Horsey.
- 'Horsey?'
- Horsey.
Oh, you want a horsey-back
ride, for you payment? Okay.
Here we go. Jump on, guys.
Jump on, hurry.
Hurry. While we're young.
Here we go.
Here we are.
It's a good thing I don't
pay Dr. Fischman like this.
Whoo-hoo!
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah-h-h ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah-h-h ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
♪ If you're happy and you
know it dust your stuff ♪
♪ If you're happy and you
know it dust your stuff ♪
♪ If it's dusty
and you know it ♪
♪ Then ceramics gonna show it ♪
♪ If you're happy
and you know it ♪
♪ Dust your stuff ♪♪
- Yeah! Hey, hey.
- Hi!
Oh, let me take
a wild guess.
You stopped at the mall
after school, huh?
We had to buy gifts for
Cathy's shower tonight.
Your friend Cathy Santoni's
getting married?
She's already married.
She's having a baby.
What? She's still
in high school.
I know. She's getting extra
credit for it in home ec.
I can't believe that little
kid is having a little kid.
How did that happen?
Dad, it's time you
and grandpa had that talk.
We had that talk.
Did we have that talk?
- We had that talk.
- Good.
Oh, and, um,
after the shower
Kimmy and I are gonna over
to Steve's new apartment.
- Okay, girls, have a nice--
- See ya.
Freeze! Steve's apartment?
Steve? Our Steve?
That guy who sticks to you
like a snail to a building?
- He has his own apartment?
- Dad, he's in college.
He wanted his
independence.
Well, I'm not so sure
that you should be allowed
in a boy's apartment without
some kind of supervision.
Like an armed guard.
Oh, don't worry,
T-bone. I'll be there.
That's a comfort.
Come on, dad, it's just
a place to hang out.
I'll be home at
11:00, I promise.
Okay, you can go, but I want
you back at 11:00 on the dot.
- Okay?
- Okay.
[Joey exhales]
My soul is at peace.
I am like a dove.
What's he doing?
Listening to his inner
tranquility tapes.
Watch this.
[Jesse snaps fingers]
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
Nothing. He's
totally gone.
Not that he's ever
really been here.
I am a yolk in the egg of life.
Not poached.
Over easy.
Yeah, stupid side up.
[laughing]
Well, how do you
get him out of it?
Simple. You have to change
the message. Watch this.
- I am a tranquil idiot.
- I am a tranquil..
Hey! Come on!
Come on, I'm-I'm
trying to escape
from the pressures
of everyday life.
Thought that's why you
watched "Beavis And Butt-head."
[laughing]
Goodbye, Denise.
- Michelle.
- Hey.
Hey, shorty.
How are you doing?
Terrible. My teacher
said Monday is hobby day.
And I don't have a hobby.
You have lots
of hobbies.
You, uh, you-you
go to school.
You, uh, you
brush your teeth.
You, uh, you clip
your toenails.
That, uh..
Alright, not
the coolest of hobbies.
What's your hobby,
Uncle Jesse?
Well, I have
lots of hobbies.
Uh, for instance
this week I'm gonna be
uh, working
in the backyard.
I'm going to
cement the driveway.
Cementing! That's going
to be my new hobby.
Uh, Michelle.
Wa-wa-wait a second.
You know, cementing is
pretty complicated work.
I don't think that's
a hobby for you.
- Or you.
- What?
Nuts. I was this close
to having a hobby.
Honey, how come you're
cementing the driveway?
I thought you told Danny
you were gonna get estimates.
Well, I did. I happen
to be the lowest bidder.
Now look, I'll rent a cement
truck, and with the help
of my tranquil pal over
here, we'll get the thing
done at a fraction
of the cost.
Alright, I'm there
for you, buddy.
Alright, thanks, buddy.
Let's go rent the cement truck.
Alright. I got shotgun.
Go!
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
Well, this is it!
What do you think?
Whoa, this is so cool!
I can't believe I know
someone with their own place.
I know. Isn't it great?
I've got total freedom.
Watch this.
I can stand on
the coffee table!
I can have ice cream
for dinner. Ready?
Watch this. Mmm.
This is my dinner.
[laughing]
And check this out. Ready?
I can crank up the stereo as
loud as I want, whenever I want!
[loud music on player]
[thumping on walls]
(male #1)
'Turn it down, you punks!'
Got it. Or I can crank it way
down whenever that guy wants.
Congratulations.
I love it!
- Where's your roommate?
- He's at the library studying.
- Where's Kimmy?
- Oh, she couldn't make it.
Oh. So, uh, I
guess we're alone.
So, what do
you want to do?
I don't know. We can
do whatever we want.
We've got total freedom.
Wait.
It doesn't
get any darker.
I know.
Huh. So...what's wrong?
I don't know.
Something just
doesn't feel right.
Oh, well, look, that's 'cause
you're sitting on my golf shoe.
Sorry.
Well, that helps
a bit, but..
...that's not it.
Huh, Deej,
what's the matter?
We can
finally be alone
without your
father barging in
or your sisters,
or your uncle, or your dog.
You know, you have a lot of
people living in that house.
I'm sorry.
I know that we've always
wanted more freedom
but now that
we have it
it's just
a little scary.
Maybe we can take
things a little slower.
Okay.
No problem.
- Steve..
- No, Deej, I'm kidding.
We could just
hang out, it's cool.
You know, I like just
being here with you.
Thank you.
So, uh, you wanna
watch a video?
Sure. What do you have?
I've got "Terminator"
or "Indecent Proposal."
- "Terminator."
- "Terminator." Yeah.
[instrumental music]
Buddy, we are gonna
save so much money
by cementing this
driveway ourselves.
Two buddies doing
manly cement work, hah?
- I'm there, buddy.
- Alright.
Check out these figures.
Okay, run 'em by me.
Just so happens
I'm wearing
my multi-functional
digital data watch.
- Throw 'em at me.
- Loving it. Loving it.
Alright, let's crunch
some numbers here.
Take the cost of
the truck rental for one day
plus the cost of cement,
add tools, equipment
plus the cost
of labor which is
zippola.
And what's your
grand total?
I don't know,
but it took you
nine seconds
to say all that.
I'll get it.
Hey, guys, I'm really
worried about D.J.
She was supposed to
be home at 11 o'clock
and it's already
past midnight.
It is?
Oh, man.
I should have
never let her go.
- What kind of father am I?
- Danny, you're a great father.
What's the big deal? Just,
just call her. Where is she?
She's at Steve's new apartment.
I don't have the number.
What? What kind
of father are you?
Alright, guys,
just settle down.
- She went out with Kimmy.
- Yeah.
So, let's just call
over at the Gibblers
and find out
what's going on.
Hmm, it's good thinking.
Okay.
[telephone beeping]
[telephone ringing]
[ringing continues]
[claps]
[ringing continues]
Ye..
Whoa, nasty!
- Yello?
- Yeah, hi, Kimmy.
It's Mr. Tanner.
I'm looking for D.J.
I thought you were with
her at Steve's apartment?
My parents wouldn't let me in
a boy's apartment unsupervised.
They have rules, you know?
What kind of father are you?
I don't have time
for this, alright?
- Just give me the number.
- Okay, okay.
Hang on there, T-bag.
Boy, somebody's trap door
is buttoned too tight.
"Buns Of Steel," no.
Ah! Here it is.
Okay. 5-5-5-6-4-1-0.
Okay. Thank you.
- 'Don't bother calling her.'
- Why not?
Steve's phone
isn't hooked up yet.
(Danny on phone)
'Gibbler! I want it
right away! Just hurry up!'
Wait. I think I have his
address somewhere. Hang on.
'I'll talk to your parents.
They'll have you grounded.'
'I don't care
if you're not my kid.'
'Get me that address right now!'
[intense music]
(man on TV)
'I'll be back.'
[knocking on door]
[intense music on TV]
[rattling]
[squeaks]
Oh, my God!
[rattling]
Oh! Oh, my God!
[thud]
Oh, my God!
[instrumental music]
It's 1 o'clock!
I got to get home.
- I'll drive you.
- I hope my dad didn't wait up.
He did.
Dad! What are
you doing here?
I'm, uh, trying to remember
the name of my chiropractor.
Dr. Schembeckler?
Thanks. Now it's my turn.
What are you doing here?
Well, you know...
it's-it's the funniest thing.
Uh-uh, you're-you're gonna
laugh when you hear it.
[laughing]
I bet you I won't.
Dad, I'm so sorry.
We were watching a movie
and we fell asleep.
It will never
happen again.
You're right.
It will never happen again.
Because you're not
allowed over here anymore.
This place is off
limits from now on.
- Dad, that's totally unfair!
- Totally unfair?
You want to know
what's totally unfair?
A parent who stays up
half the night worrying
about his daughter!
That's unfair!
Dad, you're blowing this
way out of proportion!
Way out of proportion?
You see a SWAT team with me?
You see helicopters
circling the building?
See the bat signal
out there? I don't!
Okay, okay, dad.
I said I was sorry.
And I said let's go.
[sighs]
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
♪ Oh they're creepy
and they're kooky ♪
♪ Mysterious and spooky ♪
♪ They're all together ooky ♪
♪ The Addams Family ♪♪
[snapping fingers]
So, uh, Lurch, Gomez, you
actually finished the driveway.
I got to admit,
I had my doubts.
But assuming that
this things hardens
I-I'd say you did
an excellent job.
Well, Beck, do you
have something to say
about our fine handiwork?
Oh, well, uh...
what can I say, honey?
It's-it's, uh,
really...flat.
Yeah, all
the good ones are.
Hey, guys. How's it going?
We fell asleep!
I'm gonna go talk to D.J.
Okay, I'd say
it's time for my
midday pre-dust
spot cleaning.
Danny, you're not going to
eavesdrop on them, are you?
Of course not. I'm going
to watch them like a hawk.
Alright, buddy, let's
get this truck back.
Time is money.
Okay, I'll pull
the truck out...buddy.
Uh, buddy.
Yeah, buddy?
How long does it take
for cement to, say..
...dry?
I don't know. About 72 hours.
Why, buddy?
Because you guys started at
the wrong end of the driveway
and you can't drive
over wet cement...buddy.
[laughing]
Gotta go.
I haven't figured it out yet,
but I know this is your fault.
Do you know how much money
it's gonna cost us to keep
this truck for
another three days?
No, not yet, but let's
crunch some numbers.
Yeah, I'll crunch
some numbers.
(Joey)
'My watch!'
We're gonna run the mixer
or the cement's gonna harden.
Give me those keys.
Uh.
Uh, yes.
I'm a bird.
I'm soaring through
a quiet meadow!
Stephanie, I found a new
hobby. You want to see?
Sure. Why not?
I'm collecting leaves.
What are you, nuts?
This is just
from the backyard.
I still have
the front yard to do.
Look at this!
It's all over my stuff.
Hey, those are the ones
with the little bugs on them!
Bugs?
That's it.
Dumb hobby, coming down!
Oh, yeah?
That was my shoe!
And that was the other one.
Okay, fine!
Fine, here's
Mr. Piggly-Wiggly.
There goes Mr. Tiger.
And your little bunny.
- And Teddy.
- And your books.
[vacuum cleaner whirring]
I don't believe it.
Here he comes again.
Oh, you're in here!
He's hovered us out
of every room in the house.
Don't mind me.
Excuse. Thanks.
Dad, I really need
to talk to Steve.
Oh, go ahead and talk.
I'm-I'm just counting down
to the next bag change.
Well, don't let
us bother you.
D.J.
- Dad! Dad! Dad!
Stephanie's throwing
my hobby out the window.
I had to. I need a leaf
blower just to get to my bed.
She's crazy.
- I am not!
- 'Oh, yeah?'
Then why did you throw
Mr. Bear out the window?
'Cause I couldn't
lift your desk!
[indistinct shouting]
Girls. Girls. Girls!
Hello?
I'm not in the mood
for this, alright?
First thing you're gonna do,
you're gotta rake up the leaves
and then you're gonna
rake up the bears
and then you're gonna kiss,
and you're gonna hug
and you're gonna apologize
because you're sisters
and you love each other,
okay? Case closed. Thanks.
Oh, boy. He really
streamlined that dad talk.
Yeah. We got off pretty easy.
(Danny)
'Look at the mess in here!'
Maybe not.
[both sighing]
Look how low we've sunk
just to get some privacy.
Sitting in this grungy
truck when we could
we could be sitting
in my grungy apartment.
You know, I've never
noticed that before.
What?
The way your nostrils
flare when you get angry.
It's kind of sexy.
Really?
Well, to a point.
[machine whirring]
I am at peace.
[glass shattering]
And I am soaring..
...flowing.
Man, what a mess
up there, Jess.
Is there anything worse than
ground leaves in a carpet?
Yep.
My kitchen!
Joey, do something!
I'll-I'll, uh, I'll try
to keep it from spreading!
You take care
of the chute!
Not your shirt! Get a bowl!
- A bowl, right!
- A bowl!
- Good.
- Oh, no!
Here, I got a bowl.
I got a bowl.
No, no, no!
Not that bowl!
That's my fine China!
- Oh, oh.
- Alright.
(Danny)
'Oh...oh, no.'
- Oh!
- No, no, no! Not that bowl!
My mother gave me that!
Oh, Jesse!
How about this drawer?
Do have any emotional
attachment to the drawer?
No. I mean, I
like it, but, uh..
I'm going down!
You know, uh...this, uh,
this broom is not working.
Turn off the truck!
Turn off the truck.
Why didn't I think of that?
You know, it's weird when your
adrenaline's running like this
you forget the most obvious
thing that you could be doing.
- The truck, Dan.
- 'The truck.'
I'll turn off the truck.
That's what
I'll do. Uh! Oh!
Joey!
Sniff the minty woodlands.
There. Now, aren't
we calm and placid?
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
It's open.
Dad, I know I've been
saying this a lot lately
but I'm really, really sorry.
I know you are, Deej.
And no matter how long it takes
I'm gonna pay you
back for that mess.
Oh, I know you will.
We'll work out something,
but, uh, right now
there's something else that
we have to work out first.
What did I do now?
Well, actually, it's-it's-it's
something that I did.
Um...I don't know
if you've noticed
but, uh, I was kind
of following you around
with the vacuum cleaner today.
I thought that was you.
Yeah.
Well, I, uh..
...I didn't really
respect your privacy.
So, uh, in a way,
I think I kinda
forced you and Steve
into that cement truck.
What I really wanted to
do was just talk to you
about what I was feeling last
night at Steve's apartment.
Dad, I knew what
you were feeling.
Steve's whole building
knew what you were feeling.
Maybe I overreacted
just a tad, huh?
Dad, I tried to explain to you,
but you wouldn't listen to me.
You were treating me like
I was a little kid again.
I know, I know.
I'm...I'm really sorry, Deej.
All I kept thinking
about was Cathy Santoni
a girl your age
having a baby.
And then I saw you
and Steve on the couch.
You saw us?
Well, briefly, until
the chair gave out.
Dad, nothing happened.
I know.
Everything's just
getting so complicated.
I mean, you're
a young woman now
you're in a serious
relationship with a boy
and he's got his
own apartment.
I guess, uh, I guess
if your mom were around
things would be a lot easier.
Dad, you're doing fine.
You don't have to worry.
I'm not Cathy Santoni.
Dad, there are so many things
that I want to do and see
before I get married
and have a family.
This is so nice to hear.
[chuckles]
We should have these
talks more often.
Anytime, dad.
I love you.
I love you too.
Oh, uh, one more thing
about Steve's apartment--
No, it's okay.
You can go. I trust you.
As long as you're back
by curfew, alright?
Thanks, dad.
That's great.
But what I was going to say is..
...Steve's landlord
says you owe him 30 bucks
for that chair you broke.
What?
That piece of junk?
[indistinct chattering]
[clanking]
- Don't move.
- Don't move?
Where the heck am I going?
- Hey, I found something.
- 'What?'
Look at this.
That's my watch!
It still works.
[theme music]