- Daddy, daddy.
- Mm.
You notice anything different?
Let me see.
You combed your hair
differently?
No.
You take off a few pounds,
Michelle?
Daddy.
I'll give you a hint.
Oh, my goodness. You got
less teeth to brush there.
Two less teeth.
Woo, a double hitter.
You better call the tooth fairy
and tell her to bring
twice as much money.
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability? ♪
♪ The milkman the paperboy
evenin' TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
- Hey, Michelle.
- Hi.
What did you guys
get at the mall?
Well, I got a T-shirt,
and a belt, and a cat toy.
But we don't have a cat.
I know, but the sales guy
at stuff for cats was so cute.
Wonder how this thing works?
Oh, I get it.
I wish I could go shopping.
Michelle, you went shopping
last Sunday with dad.
That's not shopping. That's dad
telling you what to try on.
Well, that's how it works.
Dad picked out all our clothes
when we were little kids.
Remember how he'd hold up
the outfit and say..
(both)
"Isn't that the cutest thing
you've ever seen?"
But I'm not a little kid
anymore.
- Do you wear makeup?
- No.
- Do you like boys?
- Eww.
Do you still talk
to your stuffed animals?
If I'm not mad at them.
(both)
Little kid.
- Hey, guys.
- 'Hi.'
- Hey, Michelle.
- Hi.
I got a surprise
for you.
I picked it up
on the way home from work.
Think you're gonna like it.
Let's see how it looks on you.
Isn't that the cutest thing
you've ever seen?
- Mmm. Something smells good.
- Ooh, bacon.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You guys mind, huh, already?
I told you I smelled bacon.
Well, sorry, Danny.
It was a feeding frenzy.
I would have made
a grab for it
but I-I was afraid
I'd lose a finger.
I can't believe
these paint samples.
Look at this, blueberry cream,
iced apricot, mocha frost.
Don't know whether to put
on two coats or two scoops.
What are you painting,
Uncle Jesse?
Oh, the Smash Club. I'm doing
a whole new renovation.
It's so cool. It's my club
so I can decide the look.
I can decide the feel.
I can decide the-the mood.
- So what are you gonna do?
- I don't know. I can't decide.
Well, the decision to decide
is a decision in itself.
That's heavy, Steve.
Yeah, Steve has gotten so deep
since he started
that philosophy class.
Uh, well, um, actually,
the guy at the car wash
had it tattooed
on his back.
Jess, you got to be
very careful.
You cannot choose
the wrong colors for your club.
Why?
Well, remember that coffee shop
on, uh, Polk Street?
- Closed down in a week.
- Yeah, Cafe Black.
That place was so depressing.
It's true, hair boy,
the wrong color combinations
can make people physically ill.
In fact, blondie, your outfit's
making my eyes water.
Me? Your getup should come
with an airsick bag.
Alright, alright, gang.
Chill out.
Now, I've made my first
decision, and I'm going with..
...teal.
What do you think?
Teal? Ow.
What do you mean ow?
What ow? I like teal.
Well, you probably don't care
that teal was the color
of Custer's last shirt.
Joey, wait a minute. What
do you know about chartreuse?
Taupe?
What color was the Titanic?
Alright, you girls
better get going.
Okay, Steph,
here's your lunch money.
Thanks, dad.
- D.J.
- Thanks, dad.
- Nice try, Kimmy.
Hey, it worked last week.
- Come on. We're gonna be late.
- Not the way I drive.
Safely and carefully.
Okay, Michelle, sweetheart.
Here's your lunch.
How come I can't buy my lunch
like Stephanie and D.J.?
Sweetheart,
I don't wanna worry
about you losing
your lunch money.
Besides, who else makes
a happy face out of grape jelly
on your peanut butter sandwich,
huh?
Of course, once I close it, you
know, you can't see it anymore
but we both know it's there,
don't we, honey?
[horn honking]
That's my ride.
Oh, okay.
She'll be right there.
Here you go.
You have a good day,
alright, sweetheart?
Isn't that the cutest thing
you've ever seen?
- Bye, daddy.
- Bye.
Bye, Comet.
Hey, Comet.
Isn't that the cutest thing
you ever seen?
(Jesse)
'Maybe.'
Maybe.
If I had to.
Not in this life time.
Read me story, please.
Oh, boys, this is not a story
book. It's-it's a sample book.
(both)
Please, daddy.
Oh, okay, alright, alright.
Come over here.
Hop on, guys.
Come over here, son.
Alright, ready?
Here we go.
Okay, once upon a time,
there lived a handsome
well-coiffed nightclub owner
and, uh, he couldn't make
a decision.
He couldn't decide
if he wanted this color
or this color,
or this color, or this color
and it was driving him crazy,
you see, and..
[telephone ringing]
And then the phone rang.
The end.
Okay. Thank you, guys.
Great story.
(both)
Good story, daddy.
Mm-hmm. Talk to me.
Oh, bathroom fixtures? No.
I'm sorry. I've got so many
decisions to make right now.
Uh, look, why don't you guys
send over something for me
to look at, and then,
uh, when I see everything
I'll just kinda go
with the flow?
Get it? Go with the flow?
Plumbing?
Hello? Hello?
- Hi, honey. How's it going?
- Oh, terrible.
I got so much riding
on this club
and I can't make a decision.
There's so many options.
I never knew it would be
this difficult, I mean, I got
floorings and-and wallpapering.
I think my head's gonna explode.
Oh, honey, your head's
not gonna explode.
You might get a slow leak.
Oh, Jess, why don't you take
a break and see if you can get
Alex to use the potty? He's
doing his got-to-go dance.
Oh, yeah, yeah, alright.
Come on, come on, son.
There's Derek.
Let's throw the frisbee.
Derek, why are you eating?
Lunch isn't for an hour.
I just can't get through recess
without a rice cake.
Save some for me.
I forgot to bring my lunch.
Then, you should buy your lunch
in the cafeteria.
I'm not allowed
to buy my lunch.
Why not?
Because my dad makes
my jelly smile.
Okay.
Hey, let's throw the frisbee.
You know, my dog can catch
one of these in his mouth.
So can my brother.
Okay, here it goes.
Wow. It just floated
right up there.
Why don't you float up
there and get it?
[clicks tongue]
I'll go. I'm not afraid
of climbing that.
Me, neither. Let's do it.
Come on, Michelle.
Are you afraid to come up?
No, I'm just afraid
to come down really hard.
Don't worry.
It's easy.
Hey, honey.
Look, you forgot your lunch.
Thanks, dad.
You know what?
You forgot something else.
Ah! Must have fallen off
your head on the way to school.
Actually, Comet found it.
It was really funny.
He was wearing it.
It was the cutest thing
you ever saw.
Uh, got to go, dad.
We have a frisbee situation.
(Danny)
'Oh, hold on, Michelle,
I don't want you climbing'
up there, sweetheart.
That's really dangerous.
There you go.
Hey, Michelle. This is cool.
I can see the top
of your dad's head.
Denise, I want you to come down
from there right now, honey.
That's it. Good.
Coming over that pole.
Very slowly. That's it.
'Just be careful.'
Okay.
I would have been careful.
Oh, I know you would
have been, sweetheart.
I tell you what, why don't
you go play on the teeter-totter
right now, okay, and I promise
when you come home
I'll show you
the top of my head, okay?
I gotta go pick up Vicky
so if you would..
...wear that.
Now let me give you
a big kiss goodbye.
What's wrong?
- I don't want a kiss.
- Why not?
Stop treating me
like a little baby.
[bell ringing]
Danny, it was one
of the greatest stories
I-I ever covered.
When the sultan agreed
to let me interview him
I thought I would die.
Uh-huh.
And everything was going great
until that camel exploded.
Yeah, that can happen.
Did you know
that those humps are filled
with, uh, candy like a pinata?
Life's like that.
Are those, uh, scuff marks
on your kitchen floor?
What? I just waxed.
Where?
Well, I finally
got your attention.
Oh, well, well,
I'm sorry, Vicky.
I can't stop thinking
about Michelle.
Why wouldn't she kiss me?
Do I embarrass her?
I didn't start to embarrass
D.J. or Stephanie
until they were
at least 10 or 11.
Well, kids nowadays
get embarrassed
by their parents
at a much younger age.
- Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Michelle.
- 'Hey, Vicky. Hi, dad.'
- Hey, Steph.
- Hi, Vicky.
Hi, honey.
Father.
Did you see that?
She's so angry with me.
She said I treat her
like a baby.
Well, dad, sometimes you can
be a little overprotective.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Last week, I was at the mall
talking to Lucas Killian
the cutest boy in my class.
Dad notices my shoes were untied
so he gets down on the floor
to tie them.
I was afraid you would trip.
I did...over you.
Hey, guys.
Hey, I need your help.
I'm-I'm finally close
to making a decision, okay?
Now, you guys tell me
which cup you like
for the Smash Club, alright?
This one says,
"Here's a club that gives me
a lot of value for my money."
And this one says,
"Boy, this place must be hip
'cause I'm getting ripped off."
Hey, Uncle Jesse, some guy
just brought some more samples.
- They're in the living room.
- Okay.
More samples.
Jess, you gotta do something.
This place is starting
to look like a showroom.
I mean, neighbors
are starting to browse.
Alright, alright, alright.
You know what?
I'm-I'm ready to sit down
and make a decision.
And I've got just the place
for you to sit.
Good.
You know,
it's an interesting look but..
...personally, I would
have gone with chairs.
Wh-wh-what is this?
What did, I-I wanted
a catalog or something.
Well, good luck, Uncle Jesse.
And, uh, don't forget
to put the seat down.
Oh, sorry.
I'll come back later.
Get back here.
I'm in trouble.
Well, try
reading the newspaper.
It always works for me.
I mean, I-I can't
make a decision, Joey.
This whole thing
is so overwhelming.
The-the-the Smash Club,
you know what?
It's going right down the..
Well, you get the picture.
I don't know what to do.
- Jess.
- Hmm?
Don't get up.
Would you like, uh, chicken
or hamburger for dinner?
Becky, I don't know.
I don't know.
I can't,
I-I can't take it anymore.
I don't know,
I can't take the pressure.
- Okay, fish.
- Fine, fine.
I give up. You know what,
I just, I give up.
Honey, you know what?
You're right. You are.
You're putting much too
much pressure on yourself.
Now just sit down here..
Actually, we can do
this standing.
Yeah.
Now, sweetheart,
think back a little bit.
What was the easiest
decision you ever made?
Well, the day
I decided to marry you.
Aw!
And why was that so easy?
'Cause I knew I loved you
and I had this
incredibly good feeling.
Okay, which toilet gives you
that same
incredibly good feeling?
I don't know. We just met.
Oh, come on, Jess,
which one of these beauties
can you see yourself
walking down the beach with?
Well, promise
you won't get jealous?
To be honest with you,
I did get a little tingly
when I saw this one.
Well, you've just selected
"The Flush Master 2000."
It's a dandy for your fanny.
"Chicago 60609."
Congratulations, Jess.
You've just made a decision.
Yeah. I did, didn't I?
Feels kind of good.
You know, here's the catch.
I just gotta go
with my instinct, that's all.
I think it's gonna
to be beautiful.
Thank you.
Potty.
Oh, not just any potty, son.
That's The Flush Master 2000.
I picked it myself.
Potty now.
Jess, he's serious. He's
finally ready to use the potty.
My man. Whoa, no, no, no, son.
No, son.
These are loaners.
Uh, uh, ahem.
This might help you out, buddy.
Thank you, Joey.
- Hi, Michelle.
- Hi.
I know you're upset
about what happened today.
- And I think I understand why.
- Why?
Well, honey, I've-I've been
having a hard time letting go.
After all, you're my last baby.
I mean, um,
you're my last big girl
And-and from now on, that's how
I'm gonna be treating you.
Like a big girl.
- Really?
- Really.
Can I pick out my own clothes?
Yeah, I think you're ready.
Can I...bring lunch money?
[chuckles]
Long as you don't blow it
all on pudding.
Can I get a tattoo?
Only if it washes off
in the tub, okay?
Alright, deal.
Okay.
And, and, sweetheart.
Look, if, uh, if it embarrasses
you when I kiss you
I'm gonna,
I'm gonna try to remember it
and respect that, okay?
Thanks.
Okay.
Goodnight, Michelle.
Goodnight, daddy.
Goodnight.
[instrumental music]
I wonder if Miss Ryan knows
she didn't give us any homework.
I better go back and check.
No.
Send her a postcard.
Hey, guys, spread out.
Here, Derek.
It's all in the wrist.
Way to go, Derek.
You're two for two.
- Sorry.
- I'll get it.
I thought your dad said
you couldn't climb up there.
I can if I want to.
I'm a big girl.
You threw it.
Why don't you get it?
I would..
...but I can't take the chance.
Cello.
Hey, I made it.
I'm really up here.
Michelle, this is
Derek S. Boyd speaking.
Whatever you do,
don't look down.
Too late.
Michelle, are you
coming down or what?
I can't. I'm too scared.
Hey, Derek.
Hey, Denise.
Where's Michelle?
I haven't seen her.
You're not looking high enough.
- Daddy!
- Michelle, what are you doing?
Holding on really tight.
She climbed to the top, sir,
and I believe she choked.
Daddy, I can't get down.
Come and get me.
Honey, you can do this
on your own.
Just come back down
the same way you went up.
I can't. I'm sorry.
I'll wear the hat.
I won't buy lunch.
I won't get a tattoo.
Just get me down.
Honey, did you hear me?
I said you're a big girl, okay?
- You can do this on your own.
- Are you sure?
(Danny)
'I'm positive.'
A really great man once said
"The only thing we have
to fear is fear itself."
I believe falling
is also a consideration.
Michelle, honey,
I know you can do this.
I'm right behind you.
I'm not gonna let you fall.
Just come down slowly.
Okay.
Good. That's it.
Now, it's just like a step now.
There's a,
there's a metal pole there.
'That's right. Easy now.'
'Just step. That's good.'
'It's like a ladder.'
Michelle, you're doing
this all by yourself.
I'm not helping you.
You're almost there.
Just, like, two more steps.
- Yay!
- You did it, honey!
[all cheering]
Well, that was exhilarating.
Okay, show's over. There's
nothing more to see here.
Thanks for helping me down,
daddy.
You're welcome.
And I kind of remember
telling you
not to climb up there
in the first place.
But you said
I was a big girl.
I thought I could
decide for myself.
Yeah, well,
part of being a big girl is
knowing whether what you're
doing is dangerous or not.
I didn't know that part.
I think it's gonna take
a little while for both of us
to get used to you
being a big girl.
- We'll help each other.
- It's a deal.
Michelle, you-you didn't
have to kiss me
in front of all your friends.
I know, but I wanted to.
I'm a big girl.
It was my decision.
I can live with that.
Okay, second show's over.
Nothing more to see here.
Okay, why don't you grab
your backpack?
So do you wanna drive home
or should I?
- I'll drive home.
- You're gonna drive, huh?
You know how
to work an automatic?
[theme music]
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪