Hey, Whispering
Joe Gladstone here
at the Tanner bowl-o-rama
and first up this evening,
is Nicky Katsopolis.
Hey, Nicky,
where are you from?
I don't know.
Oh, "I don't know."
Okay, well, we'll get back
to you on that one.
Okay and let it rip.
Oh! Oh, gutter ball!
So close,
yet so far away.
Okay, next up
is Alex.
And, Alex, what is
your strategy today?
I don't know.
Ooh, obviously he is not
gonna tip his hand, folks.
Okay, go for it.
Oh!
Uh, boys,
the objective of the game
is to try and knock some
of the pins down.
Oh, unbelievable!
A perfect game!
High fives are flying!
Yes, high fives!
High fives all around
and a big hug.
Come over here,
you knuckle-heads.
Alright, yeah.
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost
out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[laughing]
Hey, guys.
What's up?
- How are you?
- Hey, how are you doing, Steve?
Hey, where's DJ?
I think she's up, doing
her hair. Have a seat.
Oh, no way. Sorry,
I can't wait two hours.
Two hours
on her hair?
Hope she's not
cutting corners.
Well, I'll just
leave her a note.
Ew.
I got hair
in my cereal.
Boy, the prizes aren't
what they used to be.
You know, what, I think
we can solve this problem
with a little hairspray
and a hairbrush.
I hate hairspray.
It makes my face
all sticky.
You sit tight. I've got
just the thing for ya'.
Here, I'll give
that to DJ.
Well, thanks a lot. I've really
gotta go, I'm in a rush.
I've got a Shakespeare test
"Much Ado About Nothing."
Hey, don't take it
so lightly.
It's important.
Well, uh, bye, guys.
- 'Bye.'
- See you, Steve.
Here you go, Michelle.
I got just the thing for you.
Check this out, I rigged up
this little gizmo one day
when I hairsprayed
one of my eyes shut.
So, you just put it
on like that
and bada boom, you got yourself
uh, no spray in the face.
Alright, Michelle,
come over here
so we don't do
this at the kitchen table.
Okay, now up you go.
Put the little gizmo
in front of your face.
There you go,
make sure it doesn't hurt.
- Yeah.
- Okay, very good.
You sure this is gonna work?
Oh, of course, I've seen
your Uncle Jesse
use this a thousand times..
...a day.
Alright.
- This side.
- Okay.
- The middle.
- There you go.
(Jesse)
'Alright.'
Wow! My face isn't
a bit sticky.
When it comes to hair, you just
leave it to your Uncle J.
Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
I'll bet I'll have
the hardest hair in class.
Good.
Give me a kiss.
Oh, honey, your hair
is so nice and hard.
- Hmm.
- Have a good day.
Jess, let me
see that thing.
This is a very ingenious
little gadget.
You know, I'll bet you
we could sell these.
You know, there's a lot
of people out there
making a fortune and selling
stuff just like this.
Come on, guys, I just hooked
a handle onto an old visor
from a motor cycle helmet, eh.
We can't make any
money on that.
Yeah, let me tell you
about some devices
that people said they couldn't
make money on, okay?
The pocket fisherman
the jerky maker
the gas-powered
toothbrush.
People will buy anything.
Hey, that gas-powered toothbrush
got great mileage.
Okay, it is a little hard
to start on a cold morning.
You really think we could make
money on something like this?
We're talking about millions.
Hey-Hey,
multimillions.
So, are we in business?
- What the heck? I'm in.
- Alright.
- Yes!
- Okay!
- 'Okay.'
- 'Ah, brother man!'
- Hey, hey!
Hey, Deej,
Steve was just here.
He left you a note.
Aw, I love when he writes me
little private notes.
It's so romantic.
Not this one. He's gotten
your date short tonight.
He has to study.
You read my note?
Hey, is it my fault that
when you hold it up to the light
you can see everything,
sugar lips?
You little snoop.
You're toast.
Love to stay and chat
but got to live.
(Edie)
'Steve?'
Edie.
I've got a surprise
for you tonight.
Oh, hey, cool.
I love surprises.
I checked out a cookbook.
"Dinner For Two."
(Steve)
'Alright, so, uh, what's on
the menu tonight?'
How does
pasta romantico sound?
Anything's better than root beer
and string cheese.
Steve, you are adorable.
Oh, well, thank you.
(Steve)
'So, uh, listen.
When's dinner tonight?'
(Edie)
'About six?'
[instrumental music]
Sayonara, bug-breath.
See you, Kimmy.
What? You're not gonna
insult me back?
Are you mad at me?
Oh, sorry, uh,
something face.
Are you okay?
No...I-I have
a little problem.
Well, DJ's upstairs.
She might care.
I can't tell DJ.
Really?
Is it about her?
Well--
It is, isn't it?
And it's hot.
I can feel it.
When it comes
to dirt, I've got ESPN.
Okay..
...um..
...I saw Steve at the library
with another girl.
So, there are lots of girls
at the library
well, not that I've
ever been there.
But I hear
that it's co-ed.
She said she was gonna
cook him dinner.
Maybe they're
studying together.
Pasta romantico?
Maybe they're
studying German.
Kimmy, stay with me.
She kissed him.
I don't know
what to do.
If I tell DJ,
it's gonna break her heart.
Okay, before you lay
this one on DJ
you better find out if Steve
really is a cheating dog.
- Will you help me?
- Sure.
But on one condition
after, can we go back
to hating each other?
- 'Cause I missed that.
- Of course.
- I think it's good.
- That's good.
Alright.
Guess what, Beck?
- We did it.
- Did what?
Well, we all chipped in
and-and we bought some time
on the station's
home shopping show.
There's an open spot.
The underpants elasticizer
guy went broke.
We're going
on the air, live.
In a few hours, we're gonna be
introducing the world
to the Spray Guard 2000.
- And 1.
Moe, Larry, Curly..
...you guys
have lost it.
You can't
go on tonight.
Beck, we have to,
if-if we don't do it now
someone's gonna be
selling this thing tomorrow.
Jess, you only have one
of those Spray Guard 2000s--
- And 1.
Hey, we'll just glue up
a couple of dozen
of those poppies
for the display
and slap together
the other million
when the orders
start come in, hmm.
Slap and glue.
That sounds like
quality control to me.
Come on.
Hurry up.
Relax, Steve and DJ won't be
back from the movie
for a couple
of hours.
Yes.
Okay, Columbo, we've gotta
find something incriminating
a love letter, a photo,
something that says
he's got a little sweet pea
stashed on the side.
Whoa.
I'd say this
screams sweet pea.
I don't know.
Steve could lie
and say it's his
or maybe it is his.
Ew.
[telephone ringing]
Quick, hide.
Oh!
Hello?
Oh, hi, Shelly.
I'm good,
but I'm kinda crazed.
There's so much to do
before the wedding.
[gasping]
'I can't wait
till we're married.'
I've got to go, but um..
...I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
Bye.
[instrumental music]
I don't believe it.
Steve's living
a double life.
Like on "Oprah".
People married to two people
at the same time.
Oh, my God.
Steve's a botanist.
Well, now we know
Steve's a two-timer.
- Let's get outta here.
- Good idea.
[Steve laughing]
(DJ)
'I know.'
Hide. Go, go, go.
Oh, I hope you're not too bummed
the movie was sold out.
Hey, Deej, who cares
about the movie?
We've gotta tell her.
Why? She'll figure it out
when she sees towel-girl.
You're right.
We'll sneak out
during the catfight.
Hey, look, Deej,
I'm sorry we have
to make this
such an early night
but you know,
I've gotta study.
It's okay.
I understand.
Ow, I got a cramp
in my foot.
Shh!
You're the best, you'll always
be the only one for me.
Well, you will be
the only, only one for me.
Oh, yeah, well, you'll
always be the only
only, onliest one for me.
[laughing]
Steve?
Edie, what are you
doing here?
Uh, I thought you were gonna
visit your fiance.
Yeah, I'm heading
over there right now.
Are you enjoying
your visit?
Steve's the greatest host.
He's always been
my favorite cousin.
Cousin?
They're cousins?
Steve's marrying
his cousin?
- Alright, cool.
- Have fun.
- Take care.
- See you soon
- Bye-bye, you guys.
- Bye.
Ow. Uh, these boots
are killing me.
- Uh.
- Oh.
- Huff.
- Ew.
Ew.
Steve, what's that smell?
God, I have no idea.
Well, my-my goldfish
died last week
but we flushed him.
Oh.
[sniffs]
Steve, uh, what
are you doing here, huh?
What are you guys
doing here?
Well, uh, it's
kind of a long story
and I don't really wanna
bore you with the details.
Right, no harm.
No foul.
Glad I could be
of help, Steph.
Thank you, Kimmy.
Hold it. Hold it.
You guys aren't
going anywhere.
I wanna know
what are you're doing here.
Well, I kinda gotta
the wrong idea
when I saw Steve
and Edie at the library.
Wait-Wait, you think
I could cheat on DJ?
I can't believe you
violated our privacy.
You know, you're lucky
Steve doesn't call the cops.
Now, hey, Deej, I mean
don't overreact here.
It's not like
they stole anything.
Alright,
one bag of M&Ms.
But I was gonna
pay you back.
It was all
Nancy Drew's idea.
She begged me.
It was your idea?
I'll be waitin' in the car,
Steph. Take your time.
Steph, I can't take this
snooping thing anymore.
You read my diary,
you listen to my phone calls
and now, you break
into Steve's apartment.
How much did you hear?
Not much really,
hardly anything
just the you're
the only one for him
and he's the onliest
one for you
Or maybe you're
the onliest one.
Or is it..
Will you stop it?
This is the lowest thing
you've ever done.
I was just trying to help.
Well, you wanna help?
Then get out of my life.
[instrumental music]
Hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Why are you
painting those pink?
I hate pink.
Because, Jess, believe it
or not, women use hairspray too.
And check this out.
I glued some foam lining
around the edge
of the shield
for extra comfort.
Yeah, good thinking.
Now, we can charge extra money.
Alright, come on, we're on the
air, live in two minutes.
- We ready? Alright.
- I'm there.
Hi, daddy.
Hi, boys.
Hi, guys.
You guys ready to sit down
and watch your old man get rich
on the Spray Guard
2,000 and..
- And 1.
Right.
Oh, Beck, I have a very
special job for you.
You know, I'll show you.
Here it is, right here.
Come over here.
Check this out guys.
You're gonna
love this.
Here's a special
sound effects machine
I borrowed
from the radio station.
Watch, watch all those little
things it does.
Like, uh, if you want applause,
you do this fader.
[canned applause]
See, you want laughter,
you go here.
[canned laughter]
I don't know, Jess.
I'm not familiar with this.
Don't worry about it. Check
this out, I made labels for you.
Here, watch it.
Here, stand up, son.
See, uh. Let's see.
F-Four was laughter.
Applause is two.
Okay, folks, we have
a show to do
and we are live
in five, four, three, two..
(Tanner)
'Thank you, Jimmy.'
Hey, everybody and welcome
to "Incredibly fantastic
Discoveries!"
Everybody!
[canned clapping]
[clapping stops]
Okay, I am Danny Tanner,
host of "Wake Up, San Francisco"
and I am very, very proud
to introduce to you,
a revolutionary new product..
...the Spray Guard 2000
And 1.
But first, let's meet
the very, very gifted
inventor and creator
of the Spray Guard 2000 And 1.
He is a local
radio personality
and owner of the smash club.
He's half genius,
half visionary, half Greek.
I give you
Jesse Katsopolis.
[canned clapping]
(Tanner)
'Hey! Hey!'
- Hey!
Alright, way to go,
aw, thank..
Thank you.
I'm touched.
Thank you.
Really, sit down, people.
Really..
'Put it back up.'
Please, tell us all about
the Spray Guard 2000 And 1.
I'd love to, Danny.
Hey, no more embarrassing
sticky foreheads, right?
Right here, with the new
Spray Guard 2000 And 1.
All I can say is,
amen to that.
Hallelujah
and have some mercy.
Thank you, Jesse,
now, if you would
please tell us how the Spray
Guard 2000 And 1 came about.
I'd love to, Danny.
To help me out,
is my niece..
And my daughter.
...Michelle Tanner.
[canned clapping]
Alright.
Okay, thank you, uh..
Michelle, tell the, uh,
tell people out there
the funny thing that happened
to you this morning.
Out where?
Out there,
out there in TV land
you know,
for the millions of people.
Millions, that's
a lot, right?
Yeah, yeah, and they're all
out there and they want to hear
the funny thing that happened
to you this morning.
Shoot.
I forgot.
No, no, you know,
what it is
her mind is still
reeling in amazement
after having witnessed
in action
the Spray Guard
2000..
And 1.
I got that right.
Yes, you did.
Bye-Bye, Michelle.
- Okay, here you go.
- Good to see you.
Thank you, Michelle.
Where's all that clapping
coming from?
Run along, child.
'Okay, and now
to help explain'
how the Spray Guard 2000 and 1
works, I'd like to bring out
our head of research
and development.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a big hand
for Dr. Joseph Gladstone.
[canned clapping]
Thank you, Jesse
Danny.
After years of painstaking
research and development
we've proven
that the Spray Guard 2000 and 1
protects the frontal
cranial region
from the damaging effects
of airborne haircare
products.
Doctor, could you please explain
that in layman's terms?
Well, Danny,
in layman's terms..
[clears throat]
.."It keeps gunk
out of your face."
See, take
a look at this.
Nothing gets through.
[canned clapping]
Now, uh, doctor,
if you will hand over
the Spray Guard 2000 and 1,
I will show the people
how easy it is to use in their
very own homes, doctor.
Certainly, Jesse.
Doc, the, uh,
the-the spray guard.
Give me the thing, man.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
It's glued to my head.
It's stuck.
Somebody help me.
Uh, uh, Becky, Becky!
You're needed in
the laboratory, doctor.
[canned chickens-clucking]
(Becky)
'Oh, no!
Don't touch that!'
Where are all
the labels?
Here, mommy.
Here.
Thank you.
And now, uh, doctor,
if you'll, if you'll
give me the hairspray, I will
demonstrate the proper use
of the Spray Guard 2000 And 1.
Uh, just a sec, boss.
It's getting a little
foggy in here.
Joey!
Give me
the hairspray, man.
We're on TV.
(Jesse)
'Okay.'
Okay, ladies
and gentlemen
I give you,
with no further delay
the Spray Guard 2000 And 1.
Uh-oh, here's the hairspray.
I must have given Jesse the..
You see how easy
it works.
Uh, Jess.
What is it?
Uh, you missed
a spot.
Oh, thank you.
There we go. See that?
Isn't that amazing?
No sticky face. Everybody.
[canned bagpipes-playing]
That means we have a caller,
evidently from Scotland.
- Yes, go ahead, please.
- 'Hey, yeah, hello.'
'I think you guys
have one heck of a product.'
Yeah, well, thank you,
sir. So do we.
'Yeah, in fact, I thought so,
two years ago'
'when I invented it.'
'If you try to sell
even one hairspray shield'
'I'll sue you for every
penny you're worth.'
You will?
'Yeah, and by the way,
your hair is pink.'
What do you mean
my hair is pink?
I don't have..
[screaming]
- Ah!
I'm gonna kill you, Joey.
[canned cow-stampede]
The, uh,
the-the Spray Guard 2000 And 1
is not just for hairspray.
You can use it
as a sneeze guard.
(Joey)
'Shampoo and turpentine, Jess.
It'll come out.'
You can, uh,
a rain hat in the alps.
(Jesse)
'I look like cotton candy!'
A granola scoop
and..
Deej, can I talk
to you?
I made you
some popcorn.
Come on, smell
the buttery goodness.
Deej, come on,
talk to me.
Deej, look, it's
a perfect bowl.
Almost every
kernel popped.
You're ignoring me,
right?
Right.
Hey, you talked
to me.
We're making
progress here.
You know, there are
plenty of other
people living
in this house.
Try torturing them
for a change.
I wasn't trying
to torture you.
It was just
an unfortunate side effect.
Steph, you can't
joke your way out of this.
I was just trying
to protect you.
Well, you don't need
to protect me.
But you're my sister.
You know, you're a pain
in the neck. I'm sick of it.
Okay, fine.
Maybe this time, I messed up,
but someday you'll need me
but I won't be there
'cause you want me
out of your life forever!
Steph!
I was hoping
you'd miss me.
Steph, I don't want you
out of my life.
You don't?
No.
I want you out
of my private life
my diaries,
my phone calls
Steve's apartment.
All the good stuff, huh?
No, Steph, if you
thought that Steve
was seeing somebody else,
why didn't you just tell me?
Well, I didn't wanna put
you through all that pain
unless I was sure.
When something hurts you,
hurts me, too.
Well, I guess you were
in a pretty tough spot.
Yeah.
Do you forgive me?
Yes. Come here,
you knucklehead.
Deej,
I'm really sorry.
I just didn't know
what to do?
Well, Steph, if you
ever have a problem
just come and talk
to me or Steve
or dad or Comet.
Anybody but Kimmy.
Yeah, I'll try to remember
that next time
and from now on,
I promise, no more snooping.
Oh, hi.
Michelle, how dare you listen in
on our private conversation.
Where does she learn
this stuff?
Oh, popcorn.
Hey, you. How much
did you hear?
What were you
listening for?
I don't know.
[theme music]