- Neigh!
What's all that racket
goin' on in here?
Look at our little buckaroos.
Hey, Butch, Sundance,
you guys better be careful
or you're gonna get
those saddle-sores.
- Okay, Jesse.
Jesse, what Jesse?
Wait, what happened to daddy?
Since when are we on
a first-name basis over here?
Oh, Jess, don't take
it personally.
It's just a phase kids go
through when they realize
their parents have names.
It's kinda cute, right, boys?
Right, Becky.
Hey, that's mommy.
- Mom for short.
- I thought it was cute.
It was cute when
they did it to you.
Ride, cowboy.
[theme music]
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
there's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doo boo do ba ba da ♪♪
Prepare to be amazed.
Arise, oh, ten of hearts.
Ha.
Not even close.
Well, you see
that's the amazing part
of the trick.
I changed the ten of hearts
into the four of clubs.
Steph, you got
to teach me that trick.
Guys, somebody stole my bike.
- What?
- Your bike got stolen?
- It's okay.
I'm on the case.
Ye-Yes, officer.
Yes, it's pink and has
a cute little basket
on the front, right,
and it's got a li'l,
a little frilly tassels
comin' out of the handlebars.
No, it's not mine.
It's my daughter's.
Oh, okay.
Thank you very much.
- What's going on?
- Nothing yet.
We should offer a reward.
How about a million dollars?
Sweetheart, a million dollars
is a lot for a bike.
Dad, it has a basket.
I think we'd better go
look for it.
Uh, Steph, DJ, you guys
check the schoolyard.
I'm gonna get on my bike
and check the bike paths.
And, uh, I'll check
all the-the video arcades
and all
the fast-food joints.
That's a good idea.
That's where the kids hang out.
Well, I was going
there anyway.
Come on, Michelle,
you can ride with me.
Let's hit it.
Rest easy, everyone.
Your neighborhood
crime-catchers
are on the case.
I believe you
know Mrs. Caruthers
our fearless leader.
Hi.
At ease, citizens.
Deputy Gibler and I
just picked up
a 6-14
on the police scanner.
For you civilians,
that's a bicycle theft.
Now, I'm going to need
a little bit of information.
Your name?
Gibbler, you
know my name.
This will be
a whole lot easier
if you'll just cooperate.
Now, do you wear
a hairpiece?
What does that have to do
with a stolen bike?
Nothing, I've just
always been curious.
Joey, did you see
anything suspicious
when you went out
for the paper this morning?
No, nothing unusual,
just..
How'd you know I went out
for the paper this morning?
Oh, part of my job.
You know, keeping an eye
on the neighborhood.
Which includes watching you
stride to the curb
wearing those
bun-hugging pajamas.
Phew.
Well, it's-it's nice
to know you're watching.
Every move I make.
(Michelle)
'Uncle Jesse,
why do people steal things?'
(Jesse)
'I don't know, munchkin.'
'But I know how you feel.'
'When I was young,
I had something'
'very dear to me stolen.'
Your bike?
No, my comb, Mr. Part.
Ah, it was beautiful.
Unbreakable teeth,
leather carrying-case.
I can't believe it.
Yeah, I couldn't either,
but you know, after a few years
I dunno you-you rebuild,
really, your life.
No, no.
Over there, that kid
has my bike.
(Jesse)
'Let's nail him.'
Hold it there, son.
I want to talk to you
about this bike.
Be careful,
Uncle Jesse.
That's David Schultz.
He's a big bully.
Hey, look,
it's Toothless Tanner.
You stole my bike.
You're dog food, mister.
What are you talking about?
This is my sister's.
Mine's got a flat.
Look, uh, why don't you
just give us the bike
and we won't press charges.
Like I'm scared.
Come on, what, do you want
to end up in the slammer?
Give Michelle back
what's hers
and we'll pretend like
this whole thing never happened.
And I'll pretend
I give two hoots.
Davey, Davey, Davey.
I, uh, I-I know what
you're going for here.
Because I was just like you.
You know, when I was a kid
I was always tryin' to be
the tough guy, you know--
Is this story long
or just boring?
Give me the bike!
Dream on.
Now, if you're finished
wasting my time
I have a trumpet lesson.
and don't even think
about messing with this lock!
It's solid steel!
I told you
he was tough.
Yep.
But not too bright.
Wow. Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
[trumpet playing]
Come on, let's get out
of here fast.
Are we in trouble?
No, it's that trumpet.
It's torture.
Hey, everybody
Uncle Jesse got
my bike back.
Well, it's
no big deal
All I did was outwit
a 9-year-old.
It's not like he was
"Jeopardy" material or any..
What the heck
is that?
Michelle's bike.
What the heck is that?
Hey, guys.
Guess who found Michelle's..
...bike?
Seems to be
the question of the day.
Wow, I've got three bikes!
No, honey, not all
of them are yours.
One of them is
but which one?
I like this one.
It looks brand new.
Oh, sweetheart, I didn't ask
which one you liked the best.
I asked you
which one is yours.
Let's see.
Mine has a Kermit sticker
on the basket.
Well, would
you settle
for a Care Bear
on the chain-guard?
None of these bikes are mine.
Mine's still stolen.
And so are all these.
And we're the stealers.
We're all going
to the slammer.
Daddy, if you have
a stomach ache
could you stay home
from the slammer?
Sweetheart, we're not
going to the slammer.
We're just going
to return these bikes
to their rightful owners.
So, everybody gets
their bike back except me?
That's fair.
How am I supposed
to return this?
I stole it off a kid
named Davey.
All I know about him
is I should have stolen
his trumpet too.
I found mine
leanin' against the library.
It's such a horrible thing,
a little girl goes in
checks out "Curious George"
comes out,
her bike's gone.
Could turn a kid off
to reading forever.
I grabbed mine
off the back of a pickup.
Oh, great,
there's a card in it.
"Happy birthday, Lisa.
Love, mom and dad."
[doorbell ringing]
Joey, see
who that is.
Check
through the window.
It's that crime-catcher lady.
Mrs. Caruthers.
I'm getting my buns
out of here.
Joey, no, no, no,
take-take the bikes.
- Get 'em outta here.
- Alright, okay.
Hurry.
10-4, out.
Mr. Tanner, three more bikes
have been stolen.
We're going to set up
our command post in your house.
No, no, no,
that's a bad idea.
No, we're-we're not zoned
for a command post here.
Oh, horse feathers, this is
the center of the crime wave.
I'm surprised you
haven't seen anything.
Seen anything? No, why would
I have seen something?
Why, did somebody say
they saw me see something.
No, no, no, because,
for example
there-there's nothing
going on in-in my kitchen?
'Is it getting warm in here?'
'It should be because I have
nothing to hide, I mean..'
Think she's suspicious?
Why would she be?
All Danny's doing is
making a full confession.
Okay, don't panic.
All we have to do
is just remain cool.
Guys?
Sorry.
I put the boys down for a nap
I must have conked out myself.
Hey, what did you guys do
rip off a bike store?
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Shh, shh, shh.
I stole mine off a kid
and he stole his
off a truck.
- Yeah.
- What?
[banging on door]
Open up. It's crime-catchers,
official business.
That's Gibbler.
Hide the bikes.
Uh, listen,
you saw nothing
and you heard nothing.
I know nothing.
That's my girl.
Didn't we used to have
a rule around here
"No bikes in the house"?
Thank you, Mrs. Good hair.
Alright, let's get set up.
You can't catch a criminal
without the right equipment.
Fax machine.
Cell phone.
Map of crime sector.
Police scanner.
Kimmy, what is this,
the Batcave?
No, It's your basic
crime-catchers
mobile-headquarters kit.
Do you realize that
four bikes have been stolen
in our neighborhood.
Really?
I would have guessed three.
Hi, Becky.
Oh, Nicky, call me mommy.
You didn't give me
a flower on Becky's day.
I see bikes.
Did he just say
"I see bikes?"
I see bikes?
No, of course not,
he said
"I see bites."
Ha, those mosquitoes
are just out
of control, huh?
Well, I got to get some
Calamine lotion, Ta ta.
(Danny)
'Ma'am, you can't go in there.'
Move 'em!
Move 'em! Move..
♪ Move 'em on up ♪
♪ To the eastside ♪
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky ♪♪
Well, I miss The Jefferson's,
don't you?
How many Lionels were there?
Do you remember?
One mystery at a time,
Mr. Tanner.
Hey, how's that command post
coming, Deputy Gibbler?
We're cookin', chief.
Hey, guys, guys,
check this out
three other pink bikes
got swiped.
That's why we're here,
small fry.
What a comfort,
Slim Jim.
Hey, Mr. Tanner,
look at this.
Little Ruthy Bell
went in to get
her very first library card.
Some goon nabbed her bike.
Says here, "She's lost
her zest for reading."
She's zestless?
Ya, and look at this guy
who took
The Schultz' bike.
He looks like Uncle--
Uncle Seymour, yes,
that looks exactly like
Uncle Seymour,
but, uh, you know
and-and if he weren't
a priest in Athens
he would be a suspect,
yes, he would.
Get these up
to Uncle Seymour right away.
- Uncle Who?
- Just do it.
Where are they?
Oh, the flyers?
Oh, you just missed them.
Alright, okay,
uh, how 'bout this?
- Alright.
- We dismantle the bikes.
We put all the parts
down our pants
and we just walk right past
everyone downstairs.
Okay, alright, that's not bad,
but here's a little twist.
We don't touch the bikes.
We don't touch our pants
and you get over there
and shut up
until Groundhog day.
What are these
bikes doing here?
You're Uncle Seymour.
I thought
he was in Greece.
Let me see that.
It doesn't look
anything like me.
The sideburns are
totally unbalanced.
Well, I'm going to pack.
Where you goin'?
The slammer.
These, uh, posters have
addresses on them.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they do,
you know what, this is perfect.
You know, we'll take all the
bikes back to these addresses.
We'll get everything back
to normal around here, okay.
Everybody grab a bike.
- Okay.
- Alright.
- Let's go.
- Wait.
The crime-catchers
are in the kitchen.
Alright, we'll go out
the front door.
- Okay.
- Let's go.
Come on, move it.
Hey, uh, how come you
don't have a bike?
'Cause I'm carrying
the flyers.
- Move, move, move.
- Oh.
- Come on, let's go.
- Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Shh.
So, uh, Jesse, do you think
we can pull this off?
Absolutely.
[doorbell ringing]
Not.
Alright, Joey, say, ah.
- Why?
- Perfect.
Get back, go, back.
[doorbell ringing]
[banging on door]
Shh, Steph, let's move it.
Shh.
Yeah, what do you want..
...sir?
I'm Leonard Schultz,
Davey's father.
I'm looking for some guy
named Jesse.
He took my kid's bike.
He looks exactly like you.
Oh, no, no, no, this doesn't
look anything like me.
Look, sideburns, uneven.
Mine, totally even,
see how that works?
- Sorry.
- Yeah, okay, it's alright.
So, who are you,
anyway?
I am, uh,
I'm Joey.
Well, Joey, I'm going
to sit right over here
and wait for this
Jesse punk to show up.
There's a couple of things
I want to impress upon him.
Oh, yeah?
Like, uh, like what?
Like my left fist
and my right.
Hey.
Uh, uh, Danny.
Danny, Danny.
Hi, it's me,
your old pal, Joey.
Pardonnez-moi?
Hey, let me explain.
This is, this here is
Leonard Schultz.
He's Davey's father.
And for some whacky reason
he seems to think
that Jesse's stolen
his kid's bike
and Jesse's nowhere
to be found, thank God
because, um, Leonard here
has a bone to pick with him
and-and we all know
how painful
bone-picking can be.
Joey.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Oh, she was calling for you
wasn't she, Joey?
Yes, she was, Danny.
Could I play?
I want to be...DJ.
Uh, no , no, look,
no, time for playing now.
This is-this is Leonard Schultz,
Davey's father.
- Davey's father?
- Hm-hmm.
Uh, got to go.
Wait, who's Davey?
Somebody
with a really big dad.
Okay, we've got to get
Davey's bike back
before his dad
smushes Uncle Jesse.
You should see
this guy, phew.
There'll be nothing left
but a puddle of mousse.
So, how do we get
the bikes outta here?
I've got a plan.
Okay, but I'm not stuffing
bike parts down my pants.
For the hundredth time,
I don't know anything.
- I don't believe you.
- It's the truth, I tell you!
You mean to tell me
that Joey's never
mentioned me
I mean, not even in passing
or maybe at lunch?
[scanner beeping]
Oh, my scanner!
Hey, everybody.
Uh, Stephanie
has a card trick
she wants
to show you all.
I wish I could
stay to see it.
Steph, this is
not a good time.
Trust me, dad,
it is.
Okay, prepare
to be amazed.
Kimmy, pick a card,
memorize it
'and put it back
in the deck.'
Five of clubs,
five of clubs.
Okay, now,
watch me shuffle.
See me shuffling,
shuffle, shuffle.
'The magic shuffle.'
Now, notice, that at no time
do my fingers leave
my hands.
Shuffling, look--
We don't have time
for this poppycock!
Nonsense! There's
always time for poppycock.
Just play, uh, watch the trick,
it's an excellent trick.
- Steph, go, go, go.
- Okay, Kimmy..
Is this your card?
No.
Is this your card?
No.
'Is this your card?'
[crashing]
- Oh!
- Hey, hey.
Oh! Excellent trick,
excellent trick!
That was fabulous!
Well, she didn't
even find my card.
Hey, Mr. Tanner.
Look, I hope you
weren't too attached
to that big,
ceramic planter.
Blondie, that was the worst
card trick I ever saw.
Okay, Kimmy, if you would
please check
your pockets.
All I have here
is some gum.
Thank you
and goodnight.
Oh, bravo,
excellent trick.
So, that's why I retired
from the ring.
Wow. You quit boxing 'cause it
wasn't violent enough.
Fascinating story,
huh, Joey?
Yeah, Danny, I'm..
...shaking
with fascination.
Hey, would somebody tell me
what's going on with all the--
Miss Donaldson.
- Leonard.
- Yeah.
How do you two
know each other?
Leonard's my butcher.
You should see
what this guy
can do
with a cleaver.
So, this is
where you live?
I always wanted
to meet your husband.
Uh, what was his name?
Oh, Joey.
Uh, yeah,
that's right, Joey.
Joey, that's my husband.
This is my husband.
I thought that was Danny?
Ah, you didn't
let me finish.
This is my husband's
best friend, Danny.
And this is
my husband, Joey?
Right, hug, hug.
Ah, she knows.
I'm still Becky, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Jesse, Jesse.
Hey, that kid's
calling you Jesse.
Uh, no, it's just-it's just
a crazy little phase
he's going through.
It's-It's nutty, you know.
Last week, he was calling
everyone Frankie.
Now, young man, you know
my name isn't Jesse.
Jesse, I love you.
Leonard, I'm
not going to lie
in front of my kid.
I'm Jesse.
Not for long.
No, no, no.
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard!
Leonard, put him down.
What's going on in here?
This guy stole my kid's bike.
No, no, no, this whole
thing is big misunderstanding.
The bikes are upstairs.
Oh.
Why didn't you say so?
'Cause I couldn't breathe.
Uh, Jess, um..
The bikes aren't upstairs.
- Goin' up.
- No, no, no.
I meant that right now, they're
being, they're being returned
to their rightful
owners right now.
Oh, uh, DJ, Steve
this is Leonard Schultz.
He is looking
for his kid's bike.
Bike?
Uh, uh, DJ, do you know
anything about a-a bike?
Uh, I used
to have a bike.
Lift off.
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard.
People, attention!
The bikes are back.
Oh, thank God.
It just came in
on the scanner.
All the bikes have
been returned to their owners.
See, Leonard?
No harm done.
Yeah, just
a few ribs broken.
Sorry, buddy.
Yeah, yeah,
that's okay, Leonard.
- Yeah!
- Ah! Ah! Ah!
Leonard, Leonard,
the hair.
I know it's not
your thing, but..
Let's mark this
"Case closed."
- Yeah.
- Alright.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
The case isn't closed.
My bike's still stolen.
'No, it isn't.'
My Kermit sticker.
This is my bike.
You left it at my house
last week, remember?
It was raining
cats and dogs.
Mother gave you
a ride home.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
My bike's been
at your house, the whole time.
Isn't that funny?
Oh, yeah, funny
isn't the word for it.
Okay, since we caused
everybody so much trouble
I'm taking everyone out
for frozen yogurt.
- Alright.
With sprinkles?
You got it, big guy.
Alright, let's go.
Hey, Deej,
could you take Nicky
while I go upstairs
and get Alex.
- Uh, Joey.
- Hey.
Now that this
is all over.
I think you should be
de-briefed.
You know, I really don..
I don't like the sound of that.
Excuse me.
Ruff ruff.
Crazy day, huh, Michelle?
Yeah, I'm
sorry I made
everybody look
for my bike.
Oh, that's okay,
sweetheart.
We did it
'cause we love you.
Next time,
I'll try to remember
where I put my stuff.
Very good.
Now, come on, let's go get
some ice cream.
Hey, where's my jacket?
It was right there!
Somebody stole it.
Michelle.
Oh, never mind.
[theme music]