[instrumental music]
Boy, mommy's
gonna love your, uh
your-your
wood block, macaroni
Christmas...paperweights
you made her.
Mommy's really gonna
love them 'cause you guys
are gonna wrap 'em
yourself, okay?
Here's a little wrapping paper
for you, son.
Wrapping paper for you.
Okay, ready, gentlemen?
Let's wrap.
'Like so.
I'll put this up.'
You guys need tape?
Here's a little tape for you.
There we go.
'And we put the bow on.'
And...bada-bing.
Ba-bing.
Ba-boom.
Oh, yeah, these are nice.
I made that.
Yes, I know.
It's so nice.
It's-it has that casual
raw, run over look.
- Here, daddy.
- Hey.
- Merry Christmas.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Danny, I really have to go.
- Last kiss.
- Mmm.
One more last kiss.
I really can't miss
my plane to London.
I have that exclusive interview
with Prince Charles.
Oh, why don't you Interview me?
I'm from a royal family.
No, it's true.
My Uncle Leo
he was the muffler king
of San Jose.
Really got to go.
I will, uh see you next weekend.
Hey, Danny.
Vicky left, huh?
Yeah.
Joey, it's killing me.
I can't keep living from
visit to visit like this.
You know what, Joe?
It's time to
finally settle down
and start our
lives together.
Well, thanks
for the offer, Danny
but I'd really like
to explore other options.
I'm serious.
Vicky and I,
we've been engaged
for six months already.
You know what, I'm gonna
sit her down next weekend
and we're finally gonna
set our wedding date.
Aw, I'm happy
for you, pal.
You know, you two really
are the perfect couple.
Yeah, I guess we are.
We have a lot in common.
We're both right handed.
We both have brown eyes.
We both prefer Greg Brady
before he
had his hair permed.
So I bet
if-if a TV station
wanted to test out
a new game show
called "The Perfect Couple"
with me as the host
then you two would be
perfect contestants.
Yeah, I guess
we probably would.
And I have a feeling
we probably are.
Thank you so much, Danny.
I knew
I could count on you.
Uh, D.J. and Steve
agreed to be the dating couple.
And I'm sure that married couple
will be a snap to find now.
I can't believe
that ding dong
talked us
into being contestants
on a goofy game show.
Yeah, well, we're stuck.
You know what?
- I think we should practice.
- Why?
Joey said they're just
gonna ask us some questions
to see how well
we know each other.
Becky, I'm a very
complex person.
There are a lot
of facets about me
that-that you don't know.
- Really?
- 'Yes.'
Like what?
Well, like, uh, well like
what if they ask you this
what if they ask you
"What does Jesse
want for Christmas?"
The Colonel Parker
pepper mill
to go with your
Elvis spice rack.
Okay, that was an easy one.
Uh, What if they ask, um
alright, what if they ask
"What does Jesse eat
when he sneaks down
for his midnight snack?"
Chicken.
You been following me?
When you get
back into bed
you smell like
Colonel Sanders.
So, you think
you know me.
You think you really know
everything about me?
Sweetheart, you are
totally predictable.
Predictable?
You're saying I'm pre..
I can't believe
you said that.
I'm predictable?
Jess, where you going?
Oh, if I'm so predictable,
why don't you tell me?
You know everything about me.
Where am I going?
Do what you always do
when you're angry
tune up your Harley.
Wrong.
Just gonna go go and..
...sit on it.
Hey, where's
my perfect woman?
- Hey.
- How are ya?
Good.
You know, you guys
are gonna kick butt
on Joey's game show tonight.
You two are better together
than waffles and mustard.
Yeah, well, uh,
just in case
I'm wearing
my lucky ring.
You have a lucky ring?
Yeah, see, my Uncle Artie
gave it to me.
You have
an Uncle Artie?
Of course, I do,
you know he's the guy
who, uh, taught me
how to juggle.
You juggle?
Yeah. Here, look,
check it out.
Ahem.
- That's amazing.
- Oh, yeah?
You should see me
with canned hams.
What's amazing
is I never realized
how little we know
about each other.
I mean, Steve,
think about it.
What's our relationship
based on?
You're cute.
He's got a car.
What's the problem?
Deej, we love each other.
And then what else
do we have to know?
Everything.
I mean, who are you?
Okay, kiddies
tonight, I'm not your sister.
I'm not your cousin.
I'm your babysitter.
Now, I think you'll
find me tough
but fair.
Do we understand
each other?
I don't think so.
You want me to talk to them?
No. I think I made myself
perfectly clear.
I'm in charge
and you're not.
Okay, Alex, let's get
your pajamas on.
Forget it.
Okay.
Nicky, let's get
your pajamas on.
I don't wear that.
Who's in charge now?
Nicholas, get back here.
This should be a fun night.
Places, everybody
on the set, please.
Come on, Deej,
I mean how can you say
we don't know each other?
I told you my deepest,
darkest secret.
Steve, a lot of guys
watch "Oprah."
Sweetheart, do you want
a glass of water?
No, thank you.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Because I know how dry
your throat gets
when you get
a little nervous.
Oh, that's right.
I'm so predictable, right?
You know that
my throat..
...my throat..
...water, please.
Danny...Danny Tanner.
I'm Buddy Starr, producer of
"The Perfect Couple."
- Pleasure.
- Yeah.
Listen, uh, your fiance
Vicky called
said she'd be
a little late.
Really?
I want you to meet
your new fiance.
This is my assistant Estelle.
And I won't get
you coffee either.
Alright, is everybody ready?
Okay, now, we're, uh,
we're having fun.
We're in love.
We're on TV.
Cue the music.
♪ Here they are ♪
♪ See the love
in their eyes ♪
♪ She's the perfect girl ♪
♪ He's the perfect guy ♪
♪ The Perfect Couple ♪
♪ Heart to heart ♪
♪ in the US of A ♪♪
Hi, folks.
Welcome to our show.
I'm your host Joe Stone.
Tonight, folks, we're
gonna find out
which one of these dynamic duos
is the perfect couple.
[instrumental music]
Okay, let's bring back
the guys.
Guys.
While you were gone
we asked the gals
some questions
to find out just how much
they know about you.
What could she
possibly know about me?
I know you're a whiner.
Okay, let's start
with our dating couple.
Steve, we asked D.J.--
Why bother?
I thought we knew each other
but we're like
complete strangers.
What?
How can you say that?
You know, D.J., this is starting
to get on my nerves.
- I'm starting get on your..
- I'm very serious.
Hey, come on, you two
don't fight.
You're such a sweet couple.
Cut.
Stone, bring those rented
teeth over here.
Listen, I never wanna
hear the expression
"Sweet couple" again.
Now, the idea of this game
is to embarrass people
get them to butt heads.
[chuckles]
Okay, let's get back
to D.J. and Steve
who were about to rip
each other's heads off.
Can we just get back
to the game?
Steve..
We asked D.J. what fish
you think she kisses like.
Uh, the fish?
I don't know.
What, the flounder?
Flounder?
Ouch. That is one big,
ugly bottom feeder.
Let's see
what D.J. said.
Well, I hope
Steve would say
I kiss like an Angelfish.
Oh.
Tropical fish are allowed?
Well, then obviously
it's Angelfish. Come on..
I can't believe
you said Flounder.
Whoa, looks like this
relationship is floundering.
Okay, let's go back
to Mr. Ball
and Mrs. Chain
Jesse and Rebecc-ah.
Okay.
Jesse, we asked Rebecc-ah
what would you say
is your obsession.
Well, she thinks she
knows me so well
so she's probably gonna say
my obsession's my hair
but I'm gonna throw
a little curve ball here.
'Cause I have a brand
new obsession.
And my obsession
is proving to her
that I'm totally
unpredictable.
Match that.
Okay, let's see
what Rebecca said.
He's definitely
preoccupied with his hair.
Ha-ha.
I knew it.
But, lately,
he's been trying so hard
to be unpredictable.
He's actually become
obsessed with that.
[bells ring]
(Joey)
'We have a match.'
Okay, let's move on
to our engaged couple.
We are not engaged.
Danny, what song
did Estelle say
you'd most like
to hear at your wedding?
Only Vicky knows our song.
and it's, uh, it's
"Love Will Keep Us Together."
Well, let's hear
what Estelle had to say.
Well, he's kind of
high-strung but sensitive
like Bernie,
my third husband.
His favorite song was
"Love Will Keep Us Together."
[bells ring]
Ding da-ding
ding ding.
Shoot me through the heart
with a bow and arrow.
Folks, we have a match.
Nicky, Alex.
When I catch you guys,
you're gonna be in trouble.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Well, well, well.
You finally caught 'em.
You're enjoying this,
aren't you?
More than the middle
of the tootsie pop.
You think you could
do any better?
Get ready to feel stupid.
Alex, want your red pajamas?
I like red.
Nicky, you want
your blue pajamas?
I like blue.
You mean, they freaked out
just because I gave them
the wrong pajamas?
Why didn't you tell me?
Because you were in charge
and I'm not.
Michelle, I'm sorry.
I guess you're right.
I do need a little help.
So what do you say?
Wanna give me a hand
with these twin terrors?
Well, since
you asked nicely..
Boys, time for bed.
Attention.
Stomachs in.
Shoulders back.
'Fingers out of your nose.'
Forward, march.
Hup. Hup.
Hup. Hup. Hup.
Naked on a StairMaster.
What?
This is insane.
Well, let's see
what Danny said.
I'm in a crowded
health club
and, uh, I'm naked
on a StairMaster.
Oh, ding da-ding
ding ding.
Put on some boxer shorts
and mow the lawn.
We have a match.
Ooh.
What are you,
a witch?
How could you possible know
my recurring nightmare?
You're not alone, cupcake.
Okay, it's time to wake up
our old married couple.
Rebecca, we asked Jesse--
I'm sorry, but I've been
having fun a little fun
teasing Jesse about
being predictable
but I see that
it's really bothering him
so rather than match
his answer again
I'm just gonna pass.
No, uh, don't-don't pass.
Just-just say anything.
Just make something up.
Let's hear
what Jesse said.
Let her match this.
I pass.
[bell rings]
(Joey)
'We have a match.'
This is ridiculous, you know?
The-the magic is gone.
There's no mystery.
You know me better--
- Than you know yourself.
- See.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
I'm sorry.
But what's wrong with that?
I'll tell you what's wrong.
How would you like it
if someone knew
your every thought,
you know
your-your every need
your...your every desire?
Actually, it doesn't
sound that bad.
Sweetheart, don't you see?
The reason
I know you so well
is because I love you
so much.
Oh, I know.
I'm sorry.
I've been acting silly.
You know, my whole life
I wanted someone
that-that knew me this well.
That knew me this
intimately and I got it.
I'm-I'm a very lucky guy.
Uh, Rebecca, you gonna let him
talk to you that way?
- Butt out, Stone.
- Yeah, Stone.
Did you know I was
gonna do that?
Huh?
Sweetheart,
where are we going?
Like you don't know.
You two, where do you think
you're going?
You can't leave.
Come on. Hey.
[chuckles]
Well..
I guess they're going
to duke it out
in the parking lot.
Okay, let's get back
to D.J. and Steve.
Let's face it.
We're never gonna
know each other
as well as Jesse
and Rebecca.
Or even dad and Estelle.
The way I look at it
everything new
I learn about you
is like another surprise.
You know, it's like
unwrapping a new present.
You know, makes every day
feel like Christmas.
Well, Steve is laying it
on pretty darn thick right now.
He's in trouble, folks.
He's not in trouble.
That was really beautiful.
Boy, the fur
is really flying.
[buzzer]
Well, darn,
we are out of time.
And I guess that means
our perfect couple
with the perfect score
is Estelle and Danny.
'And for your grand prize'
'you two will be
spending a fun filled'
romantic weekend
in Cabo, San Lucas.
Well, folks,
that's our show.
I'm Joe Stone saying
may all your couplings
be perfect.
Good show, everybody.
You're not bad, Stone.
If you're that vicious
with your family
think what you could do
with strangers.
Well, I am thinking about it.
And I can't spend
the rest of my life
humiliating people.
I'm turning in my teeth.
Hey, pal,
the hair stays, too.
Danny, I know I'm late.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- What did I miss?
- Well, not much.
Estelle and I
just won a trip to Cabo.
We'll send
you a post card.
Who is that?
One half of
the perfect couple.
Vicky, where were you?
I know you're angry
but when you hear
where I was
you're gonna be happy.
I was in a meeting
with the head of the network.
Danny, I'm gonna anchor
the network news
in New York.
New York?
The Big Apple,
New York?
You can't catch a cab
in the rain, New York?
Yes, yes, and I don't
need a cab
'cause I got a driver.
[giggles]
That's great.
- What's gonna happen to us?
- Well, nothing, nothing.
I'll just be based in New York
instead of Chicago.
I mean, things will be
exactly the same between us.
I don't want things
exactly the same between us.
I want things to get-get
better and-and closer
not farther and worser.
Vicky, I-I wanted
to sit down with you
this weekend and finally set
our wedding date.
When are we gonna
start our life together?
Well, this does
complicate things.
I guess we'll just have
to wait a little longer.
I, uh, I can't do that.
It hurts too much
being apart all the time.
I know.
It hurts me, too.
But I just don't see
any other way for us.
I mean, unless you move
to New York.
You know I can't do that.
I mean, I can't-I can't
uproot my family.
If it was just me,
I'd be there in a second.
But everything in the world
that's important to me
is right here
in San Francisco.
Except you.
Oh, Danny, you're
very important to me, too.
But I-I can't
turn down this job.
I mean, I've always wanted
to be a network anchor.
I mean, when I was
a little girl I played
with a Barbara Walters doll.
I know how you feel.
I had a Hugh Downs lunchbox.
Well, I can't ask you
to give up your dream.
So I guess I'm gonna
have to give up mine.
Are you saying
that it's over?
Yeah, I guess I am.
I do love you.
I love you, too.
I guess that's
not enough, is it?
I guess not.
[dramatic music]
How you doing, dad?
I'd love to tell you
that I'm fine.
I'd also love to tell you that
the Giants won the world series
and we've seen
our last Rocky movie.
The truth is, girls,
I'm miserable.
Will a tuna melt
make you feel better?
Normally, that's my idea
of a happy meal.
But, uh, I don't have
much of an appetite right now.
We understand, dad.
We're gonna miss Vicky, too.
I know.
I just thought I'd
finally found somebody
that I could spend
rest of my life with.
Dad, what could you do?
You and Vicky
just wanted different things.
Yeah.
I don't know,
I had-I had this fantasy.
I-I was, I was hoping
that Vicky
and I could settle down
and you girls could
finally have a mom again.
Well, if you
haven't noticed
I think we're doing
pretty great the way we are.
Yeah. At least
we got each other.
Does that cheer you up?
You better believe it,
sweetie.
Come here.
Thank you, girls.
Dad, if you don't want
this tuna melt--
No, I'll split it with you.
It's not a problem
I'm getting hungrier
by the second.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪