[instrumental music]
Okay, boys, now,
when daddy comes home
let's surprise him by saying
"Have mercy."
Okay? Now you try it.
Say, "Have mercy."
I don't say that.
Oh, you don't
say that, huh?
I don't say that, either.
Uh-huh.
Hey, guys.
How you doing?
Give me a kiss.
Give daddy a kiss.
Give me another kiss.
What's happening around here?
Well, I was trying to teach them
to say "Have mercy" for you
but I've been told
they don't say that.
Uh, that's too bad.
Well, thanks for trying, Beck.
You're welcome.
- Have mercy.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Oh, come on.
Open.
Face it, Steph.
That locker hates you.
Not as much as I hate it.
Let me in.
Mickey, ditch class with me.
Gia, I can't.
I got history.
Ooh, all of a sudden
Columbus discovering Ohio
is more important
than having a life?
Hey, I'm doing good
in that class.
You've become such
a dweeb lately.
Come on, please?
I wonder who you're
getting it from?
There's that new kid Jamie
I was telling you about.
- Whoa, he's hot.
- He's mine.
Has he asked you out?
Close.
He bumped into my desk.
[bell rings]
I got to go.
Steph, I'll see you at lunch.
Hopefully.
Ah, finally.
Oops.
Sorry.
Yeah, right.
- Hi, Jamie.
- Hi.
Come on, open.
Um, excuse me.
Do you need some
help with that?
Got a crowbar?
Uh, you just got to...
lift when you open it.
- Thanks.
- No problem.
- I'm Jamie.
- Stephanie.
Do you play guitar,
or is that like
a really big pencil bag?
Actually, I'm in a band.
- Human Pudding.
- Human Pudding?
What kind of music
do you play?
- Loud.
- Cool.
Listen, my band's
playing Friday.
Think you might like
to go with me or something?
Yeah, that would be great.
Cool. It's new band night
at The Smash Club.
- You've ever been there?
- Are you kidding?
My Uncle Jesse owns
The Smash Club.
Hey, do I know how
to pick them or what?
[bell rings]
Maybe if your aunt
owns a McDonald's
we can get something
to eat after the show.
Alright, now we
add the vanilla.
Michelle, can you get
the vanilla out of
the spice cabinet, please?
Vanilla.
Coming right up.
Alright, it says, "Add margarine
and mix vigorously."
Go ahead.
Vigorously. Come on, man,
warp speed.
I'm givin' you
all I got, captain.
This spoon can't take anymore.
And I've got Klingons.
I've got to get a blender.
Come on, Michelle,
you're killing me.
- Where's the vanilla?
- I don't know.
The spice cabinet turned
into the cleaning cabinet.
So it has.
Let me, check this out.
Look at this the pots and pans
are where the soup used to be.
- Good morning, everybody.
- Danny, brace yourself.
We've been..
...rearranged.
- Yeah. Actually, uh, I did it.
- 'You?'
Danny, you spent years
perfecting your cabinet system.
Joey, why does everything
always have to be
where everything
is supposed to be?
Dad, are you sick?
Let me feel your forehead.
Cool as a cucumber.
I'm fine, sweetheart.
No, you're not.
You're scratchy.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
I'm growing a little stash.
- What do you think of it?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that'll be a good
look for you
if the left side grows in.
And, uh, the right side.
Okay, guys. Very cute.
You're both..
You're just,
you're cracking me up.
Uh, Danny, all these changes
wouldn't have anything to do
with you and Vicky breaking
off your engagement would it?
Absolutely not.
Everything is fine.
It's been weeks already, okay?
I'm-I'm over it.
I just think it's time
for a few changes around here.
To everything,
turn, turn, turn
there is a season,
turn, turn, turn.
Which reminds me, it's time
to turn the mattress. Excuse me.
Boy, we've got
a big problem here.
You know, Michelle's right.
Danny can deny it all he wants
but this Vicky thing is really
eating away at him.
No, I mean we still
can't find the vanilla.
Alright.
We'll find the vanilla.
Listen, guys, uh,
you know, Danny's
having a little problem
with this whole thing.
So, we're just gonna
have to be there for him
till he gets over it.
If he wants to make changes
I say we go ahead
and-and we indulge him.
You know what I'm saying?
We have to be loving
and we have to be caring. Okay?
Now, let's finish
these cookies.
We need the vanilla.
What is he,
out of his mind?
What kind of idiot,
would puts balls--
'Uncle Jesse..'
...do you think
that's loving or caring?
Hey, guys, guess what.
The chair's gone.
Dad's been here.
Anyway, I have a date Friday.
Hey, alright, Steph.
Does he have
an older brother?
- I don't think so.
- In that case, who cares?
Steph, someone named
Gia is here to see you.
Gia?
What does she want?
Do I look like
your secretary?
What happened to your room?
- There you go.
- Thanks for the autographs.
I just can't get enough
of "Wake up, San Francisco."
[chuckles]
Really? Well, thank you.
It-It's our pleasure.
- Hi, Gia.
- Oh, hi, Stephanie.
Steph, we didn't know your
friend was such a delight.
Huh, neither did I.
Stephanie, why don't we go
to your room and talk?
Okay.
Uh, Gia, Gia, stop by
whenever you'd like.
Thanks.
Great mustache, Mr. Selleck.
Thanks.
You can call me Tom.
[groaning]
Actually, this works.
This is my room..
...I think.
Dad's been busy.
Uh, Gia, this is
my little sister Michelle.
Hi, Michelle.
Do you mind if your
sister and I talk?
[imitating Gia]
Are you going to be
talking like this?
Tell you what.
If you leave us alone
I'll give you a tic-tac.
Wow. A whole tic-tac
just for me.
Who's your friend?
Listen, Tanner, what you
did today was really low.
You knew I liked Jamie,
but you went for him anyway.
I didn't know
you liked him.
Now you know.
So you better call
your little date off.
No way.
Tell him
you can't make it.
You're not feeling well.
I feel fine.
You won't if you don't
call off your date.
I'm not gonna do that.
Fine.
It's your funeral.
I'm telling you it's true.
Here she comes.
[laughing]
Stephanie, get over here.
What are they laughing at?
You.
"Earn big bucks"
What does that mean?
Gia told everybody that
you paid Jamie 20 bucks
to go out with you.
It's all over school.
What?
Hey, Steph.
I'll go out with you.
I need a new bike.
[laughing]
Hang in there.
[laughing]
Steph, we got to talk.
About this?
Yeah. Everybody's
been ragging on me.
- Uh, who started this?
- It's Gia.
She said if we didn't
call off our date
she'd make
my life miserable.
Hey, Jamie,
I was wondering..
Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to
disturb you at work.
Listen, I'm really sorry
about all of this.
If you want to break the date,
I understand.
Maybe that's a good idea.
It is?
Sorry, Steph.
Yeah, me, too.
Come on, keep going.
Stay with me here.
Keep going. Stop.
Drop the Wurlitzer.
- This is the spot.
- In the middle of the room?
Absolutely.
This is a good idea.
You know what, it'll be
a conversation piece here.
Oh, you think so?
See? We're talking
about it already.
Interesting. The organ's
in the middle of the room.
Am I wrong,
or is this house abuzz
with organ related chatter?
Deej, your dad's
totally flaked out.
It's this whole
splitting-up-with-Vicky thing.
We're just trying
to be supportive.
I understand.
Hey, soup for one.
Mind if I tickle the ivories?
♪ They say that breaking up
is hard to do ♪♪
You know what I think I like
the organ better
over there, okay?
What's left? Oh, Joey's room.
Excuse me.
You know, I don't care
how upset Danny is.
- I like my room the way it is.
- Oh, what's he gonna do?
Rearrange your
Bullwinkle night-light?
Hey, guys,
is the chain saw gassed up?
[imitating Bullwinkle]
Let's go, Rock.
I hate my life.
Let me guess.
Bad day at school?
Gia told everybody
that I paid Jamie
20 bucks to go out with me.
Twenty bucks?
Boy, prices sure
have gone up
since I left junior high.
It's just a rumor Gia started
to scare him off.
And, boy, did it work.
I gotta get her back.
Well, I can lend you
my gym socks
to stick in her locker.
Kimmy, she wants
to hurt her
not kill her.
So what do you guys think?
- Great, really great.
- Yeah, it's different.
Yeah, this is, uh,
great idea, dad.
What could be more fun
than sharing an authentic
Japanese meal
with your family and friends?
And your golden retriever.
Oh, Comet.
Sayonara, boy.
Come on.
That's enough.
'There's sushi outside.
Come on.'
How long do we have
to eat on the floor?
Well, until your dad gets over
this post-Vicky blues thing.
Or one more day,
whichever comes first.
- Oh, this is so much fun.
- Yeah.
Watching my family
having a good time.
Enjoying their dinner,
savoring new experiences.
Nicky, Alex, how are you guys
making out with your chopsticks?
Alex, chopsticks
are not a toy.
What about Joey?
Roar. Roar. Roar. Roar.
Roar. Roar. Roar.
How did those get there?
[knock on door]
I'll get it.
- 'Dig in, everyone.'
- 'Pass me some rice.'
- 'Can I have some of that?'
- 'Sure, honey.'
- Hey, Mickey.
- Hi, Steph.
Hey, cool.
You guys went Japanese.
Oh, excuse me, Mr. Tanner,
you got a little
soya sauce on your lip.
That's, uh,
that's a mustache.
Hey, come on, don't worry
about it, Mr. Tanner.
I mean, I tried to grow
a mustache once.
What happened?
Nothing.
Dad, can I be excused?
Mickey and I have
some work to do.
Okay, but you're
going to miss the eel.
I'll get over it.
Did you get Gia's file?
Right here.
You, know, Danny,
this sushi tastes so good
you don't even
think of it as raw fish.
I'm eating raw fish?
- No.
- Thank goodness.
- You're eating squid.
- Eww.
Dad, we know you're sad
about Vicky
but I just had
a squid in my mouth.
Wait a minute, everybody.
Who thinks
I'm sad about Vicky?
Well, for your information
I-I haven't thought
about Vicky once today.
Or-or how much I miss her.
Or, you know, where she is
right at this very moment.
You know, the way she'd crinkle
her cute little nose
when I'd spray too much
air freshener in the room.
Danny, it's normal
to feel pain
but, you know, going around
changing everything
that's just avoiding
your feelings.
Yeah, then we end up sitting
around on the floor
with a gut full of bait.
I'm sorry.
The truth is, I..
...I do miss her.
But...guess I can't
change that
by trying to change
everything else, huh?
Hey, you know something,
Danny, I-I think
it's just gonna take some time.
You're telling me.
This took four days.
I thought I'd reached
puberty already.
Thanks for putting
up with me, guys.
- We understand.
- Hey, that's no problem.
But until then, can we just,
you know
get back to normal
around here?
Yeah, you know what
getting back to normal
sounds pretty good right
about now.
Hallelujah. Let's fry
up these suckers.
Alright, let's go.
[laughing]
Guys, check it out, somebody
blew up Gia's report card
and stuck it on the wall.
Oh, that's terrible.
Who would do
such an awful thing?
Steph...listen..
I'm really sorry
about yesterday.
I'm not going to let
Gia run my life.
So, if it's okay with you
are we still on
for The Smash Club tonight?
Yeah.
Gee, this day's just
getting better and better.
[laughing]
What's going on over there?
A little thing I like
to call sweet revenge.
Alright, Steph.
Yeah, well,
she had it coming anyway.
- See you tonight.
- Tonight.
Here comes Gia.
Hey, Gia, what's zero
plus zero plus zero?
- I give up, Scott.
- Your grade point average.
[laughter]
Who did this?
You?
You little..
Now we know why you got
an "F" in English.
[bell rings]
We got her good.
Ruthless, Steph.
I love it.
So, Gia,
looks like we're even.
[slow instrumental music]
[pop music]
Nice haircut.
Real nice haircut.
Alright, everybody, good.
Have some fun.
Dance. That's good.
Alright.
That's good. Dance.
Have a good time.
Work up an appetite.
Buy some food.
You okay, Steph?
You seem kind of quiet.
I'm fine.
Well, listen, guys,
I gotta go tune up.
Bye.
I didn't think Gia would have
the guts to show up tonight.
Howdy ho, junior highsters.
What can I do you for?
Do something about
this sticky table.
Bring us the menus
and try not to take forever.
Okay.
That's one cappuccino
I'll be spitting in.
Boy, I love this song.
Scott, dance with me.
I don't want to..
Okay, cool.
What's happening, Steph?
Having fun?
Not really.
Oh, really?
What's the matter?
Well, a girl spread
this awful rumor about me.
Uh-huh, say no more.
Same thing happened
to me in junior high school.
There was this ugly, awful,
vicious rumor about me and a..
...root perm.
Well, I did something
mean to get back at her
but I think I really
hurt her feelings.
Oh, thought it'd make you
feel good but it didn't, huh?
Right. I thought revenge
was supposed to be sweet.
So how come I feel lousy?
I hate to break it
to you, kiddo
but, uh, you've been cursed
with a good heart.
But, Uncle Jesse,
this girl
humiliated me in front
of the whole school.
Stephanie, what have
I always told you?
Never get a beauty
school haircut?
Well, yeah, but, no.
No.
I've always told you
that it doesn't matter
what people think about you.
All that matters is what
you think about yourself.
Right now, I don't think
that much of myself.
Well, you listen to that
good heart of yours.
It'll tell you what to do.
- Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
- Oh, hug, hug, hug.
What do you want?
I came to apologize.
Well, I don't need
your apology.
It wasn't that tragic.
So what?
You told the whole world
I stink at school.
It's not like
it's any big secret.
Maybe if you didn't
ditch school all the time--
Oh, what do you know?
Nobody gives me a break.
Just once, I'd like
to have a teacher
who hasn't heard of me
before I got into the classroom.
You know...it doesn't matter
what other people think.
It's what you think
about yourself.
Oh, what a valuable lesson.
Thanks, Barney.
I'm serious.
You got a lot going for you.
Like what?
Well, you're a natural leader.
Yeah, sure.
And you're pretty.
- Pretty stupid?
- No, pretty, pretty.
And..
...you have a locker
that actually opens.
Tanner..
...you're such a dweeb.
Alright.
Attention, everyone.
Welcome to new band night
here at The Smash Club.
First up is the pride
of DiMaggio Junior High School.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Relax, relax, relax.
They're gonna be doing
their hit single
from their
yet-to-be-recorded album.
The young..
...the excruciatingly hip..
...Human...Pudding.
♪ Human Pudding ♪
♪ We're human ♪
♪ We're pudding ♪
♪ Human pudding ♪♪
Not bad.
Yeah, they're pretty good.
I meant the drummer.
But don't get any ideas.
He's mine.
One Gibbler special cappuccino.
Gibbler special?
Yep.
You don't want to drink that.
- Come on, let's dance.
- Okay.
[pop music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪