[instrumental music]
Steph.
What's a vowel?
Anything that's not
a consonant.
D.J.
what's a consonant?
Anything that's not a vowel.
I think it's time for me
to work on my math.
Hey, Steph, can I use
your calculator?
Hey, take a hike, toots.
A simple "No"
would have been fine.
[whistles]
I'm a pretty bird,
and you're not.
Wow.
What a beautiful parrot.
He must be lost.
[barking]
Easy, Comet.
Don't scare the bird.
[barking]
[squawking]
[whimpering]
I think the bird
is safe for now.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Oh, I'll tell you the worst
comedy club I ever played.
The Giggle Barn.
Fort Dodge, Iowa
I played it.
Hey, did the dancing
chicken open for you?
[chuckles]
Yep, the chicken killed,
I laid the egg.
So, you ready to
meet the family?
I've told 'em
everything about you.
Uh-oh.
What exactly
did you tell them?
Well, nothing bad.
Just that we've
been goin' out
for a couple of weeks
and that you're
the funniest person
they'll ever meet in
their whole entire lives.
[sighs]
You told them
that I'm funny?
That was what
I was afraid of.
Well, you are funny.
What's wrong with that?
Well, yeah, to you
and to my friends
and on stage.
But whenever
I'm around new people
and they expect me
to be funny
I get all flustered
and nervous. I clam up.
I sweat in places I didn't
even know had glands.
[chuckles]
Glands see?
Glands are funny.
Just relax, okay?
Gosh, I can't believe the
chicken was funnier than you.
You're such a goofball.
[imitates Cowardly Lion]
Aw, shucks. Ha-ha.
Put 'em up,
put 'em up.
Oh, look at this.
Oh, man, you guys are
doing such a good job
with the laundry, I have a
little surprise for you.
I'm gonna let you help me shelf
paper the shelf paper shelf.
Ho ho ho ho!
Oh, you're in for fun.
Oh, Roxy, uh, this is my
best pal in the whole world
and Mildew's number one enemy,
Danny Tanner.
Danny, Roxy.
Roxy, Danny.
Nice to meet you, Danny.
Oh, it's, uh-it's, uh..
Wait one sec here.
There we are. It's really,
really nice to meet you.
Joey has just been
telling all of us that
you're the funniest
woman in the world.
Well, you know how
wacky Joey is.
No, uh...
how wacky is he?
Well, he's..
...just incredibly wacky.
That's, uh,
that's pretty wacky.
So, are you hungry?
I got three kinds of tuna.
Thanks.
See? I told you Joey,
I was so nervous
I couldn't think
of anything funny.
Oh, don't worry about it.
You'll get him next time.
Just how long are
you gonna wear
that thing on your head?
Till the hot oil treatment
reaches full scalp
saturation.
It says right here.
You look like
a pan of jiffy pop.
Uh, Beck, Mr. Baked potato head,
this is Roxy.
Uh, Mr. Baked potato head?
- What?
- Roxy.
Oh, hi. I had company
I didn't even..
I didn't even know.
Uh-uh, I guess I should
explain the, uh, thing.
Uh...my, uh, my-my
hairdresser, Alejandro
uh, he found a-a couple
of split ends.
It's a terrible thing.
So, he figures
we can fix this
with about six hours
of hot oil treatment
and a lot of words
of encouragement.
And if you could, uh, swing by
the church on the way home
and light a candle for my hair
that wouldn't hurt either.
Well, Roxy, it's so nice
to finally meet you.
Joey keeps telling us
how funny you are.
Really? I'll have to
thank him later.
So, uh, how did you
get started in comedy?
Well, I don't know.
I guess I just come
from a funny family.
Really?
How funny were they?
Well, um..
...they were
so funny that..
...we laughed regularly.
[chuckles]
Really?
Well, you know,
that's good.
You know, when it comes
to laughing
it's good to be regular.
I got a funny hat..
...like daddy.
Hey, boys, boys, boys.
We have a guest.
It's-It's not polite to wear
underwear on your head.
Look at your head.
Uh, well, okay,
foil's acceptable.
Boys, hand over
the BVD berets.
(together)
No.
Come back here.
'I'm going to get you.'
(Danny)
'Hey, uh...girls.'
First, I'd like to introduce
you to Joey's friend Roxy.
- Hi.
And now I'd like to ask you
why do you have a parrot
on your shoulder?
He flew right
in the window.
He must be lost.
Buy now, pay later.
[whistles]
Buy now, pay later.
Hey, I know this bird.
That's Little Sid from
Big Sid's electronics barn.
He does all
those commercials.
I'll bet you Big Sid's
offering a big reward for him.
Cool.
I could use some mall money.
Or me.
I saw him first.
He pooped on my bed.
[indistinct arguing]
G-girls, girls, girls.
We have company.
Oh, excuse us.
We're really glad to meet you.
Joey told us how
funny you are.
Yeah, he's been
spreading the word.
Could you tell us a joke?
Well, let me see, um--
I have one.
Say, "Knock, Knock."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Oh, I'm supposed to
do the funny part.
Oh, I'm supposed to
do the funny part who?
Gee, will you
look at the time?
Um, I've got an audition.
I don't wanna be late.
I don't get it.
I'll-I'll walk you out.
Oh, that's okay.
That's okay.
Okay.
Good luck.
Have a great audition.
Just don't use that
"Knock, knock" joke.
Bye.
- Bye, Roxy.
- 'Bye.'
Oh, you guys, I know
she wasn't funny just now
but she was really nervous
about meeting all of you.
Oh, no, Joey,
everything is okay.
She seemed really nice.
Yeah, she seemed very nice.
Yeah but you can't
really know her
until you see
how funny she is.
You guys have to see her
in her element.
Uh, Sunday night is comedy night
at The Smash Club.
Why don't you guys come
and watch her act?
Uh-oh, okay. You know,
we'll make a night of it.
Great.
- Yeah, it'll be fun.
- Cool.
Give me a cracker,
fat head.
[squawking]
Yeah and why don't we leave
Little Sid at home?
[laughing]
So, I'll need the two-hour
dust buster battery.
Thanks.
- Hey, dad.
- 'Hey.'
- Hi, dad.
- Hey.
So, how did it go?
Two Sid's have a happy reunion?
Oh, you should've seen
the flapping and squawking.
Yeah. And the bird was
pretty excited, too.
Yeah, and we got
a great reward.
Big Sid said we could
get one thing
from his catalog.
So, obviously, we're gonna go
for the big screen TV.
Not so obviously.
We already have a TV.
What we need is
a karaoke machine.
I always wanted
one of those.
What is it?
Well, a karaoke machine
plays music
and shows you the words
so you can sing along.
I knew it sounded cool.
No, what sounds cool
is "55 inches of
pure viewing pleasure."
What do you think, Steve?
Well, you know,
those karaoke machines
are a lot of fun.
Of course, nothing
can possibly beat
the thrill of watching
Willard Scott
bigger than life
right in your own living room.
I'm just gonna flip through
the catalog right over here.
Okay, I want
the big screen TV
and you want
the karaoke machine.
Let's decide this fairly.
I'm older. TV.
Case closed.
You can't do that.
Dad, can she do that?
She can't do that.
Dad says
you can't do that.
Okay Michelle, sweetie,
it's up to you.
You have the
deciding vote here.
- Michelle?
Yeah, the little blonde
that lives upstairs?
That would be me.
Kimmy, you got table six.
No way.
I don't want those losers.
They complain,
they're horrible tippers.
And they treat me
like a slave girl.
Fine, I'll take 'em.
Hi.
What can I get you?
Oh.
I hope your family
likes me tonight.
I worked them
into the act.
That is so great.
They're gonna love that.
Okay, enough of that.
Enough of that.
You ready?
Well, it's now or never.
Actually, it's-it's now.
Hey, boss man,
we're out of napkins.
Oh, well, alright,
I'll take care of it.
Run along, Kimmy.
Get lost.
Okay, thanks for the pep talk.
You're a real motivator.
Thank you.
Welcome to comedy night
here at The Smash Club.
Uh, now I have
an announcement to make.
In our ongoing effort to
preserve the environment
uh, we're doing away
with all paper napkins.
It's "Use your sleeve night"
here at The Smash Club.
Okay, thanks.
Now, uh, now up
is-is a very funny
and talented young lady.
Let's give a big hand
for Roxy Mardin.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
Well, I'm in a great
mood tonight
'cause I'm in a
new relationship.
Hi, Joey.
You know, my friends
always ask me
"How can you
go out with a guy
who's so obsessed
with cartoons?"
I say, "Hey, there's
more to Joey
"than silly voices
and impressions
there's also rude noises."
He brought the family
down tonight.
Guys, guys, take a bow.
Stand up, take a bow.
I'm sure you recognize
Danny Tanner
and Rebecca Donaldson from
"Wake up, San Francisco."
I've seen that show.
Go back to bed,
San Francisco.
[audience laughing]
Oh, unfortunately,
when you meet them in person
there's no mute button.
Danny has three daughters
D.J., Stephanie,
and Michelle.
And you know, they have fights
that most sisters have.
You know, eye gouging,
hair pulling
an occasional ball-peen
hammer to the head.
They're like the three stooges
in panty hose.
[audience laughing]
[chuckles]
Michelle, that's not funny.
She's making us
look like dorks.
The nerve.
And what can I say about Jesse?
He has great hair.
He also has enough oil
on his head to join OPEC.
You know the spill last summer?
That was Jesse
rinsing out his comb.
[audience laughing]
Hey, I told you guys
she's funny.
She's killing up there.
And you're not laughing.
No, we're not.
But thanks for
inviting us, Joey.
What do you have planned
for us next?
The beating
in the parking lot?
[audience cheering]
Whoa, thank you,
thank you.
[instrumental music]
Okay, boys, you ready?
We're gonna make animals
out of this Play-Doh, okay.
Here's your animal.
There you go.
Where's Toey?
Well, honey,
Joey has a new friend
and he's been spending
a lot of time with her.
We want Toey!
- We want Toey!
Alright, okay.
Alright, boys, I know.
I know, I know.
You like making
animals with Joey
because he makes all
the funny noises.
But hey, your old man's
been known
to make a few funny noises
in his time.
Did you know that?
Alright, you guys,
give me an animal.
Jus-jus-just give
me any animal
right off the top
of your head.
Go ahead, shoot.
Hippopotamus.
Okay, alright.
I-I'll..
I'll try to
doing a hippopotamus.
[clearing throat]
Hey..
I'm a big, fat,
muddy hippopotamus.
-We want Toey!
- We want Toey!
- Yay!
Oh, Joey, thank goodness
you're here.
We really could
use your help.
Jesse's hippo
is kind of lame-o.
I'll play with
you guys later.
Well, it took a
couple of days
but I see you got
your sense of humor back.
Come on, Joey.
Roxy , uh, she ambushed us
up there on that stage.
Right, Danny?
Uh, I wouldn't say ambush
so much as bushwhacked.
Come on, Danny.
Ah, sorry. Maybe I'll just
press my mute button.
You guys don't understand.
When a comic makes a
joke about you
it's the highest compliment.
Well, Joey, she really
embarrassed us.
And we didn't think
it was funny.
Well, if you don't
think she's funny
that's the same as saying
you don't like her.
Is that what you guys
are saying?
(Joey)
'Alright, fine.'
No, I get it.
Well, I don't know
how to tell you guys this
but if you don't
wanna be around her
you're not gonna
be around me.
Joey. Joey.
Alright, maybe, maybe we
were oversensitive
about a couple
of points.
Yeah, maybe Roxy shouldn't have
made fun of the girls.
I was talking
about my hair.
Joey, if Roxy's
important to you
she's important to us.
Yeah. You know what, buddy,
let's give it another shot.
What do you say we invite her
over for dinner tonight, huh?
- It's a good idea.
- Yeah.
- You sure?
- Absolutely.
[imitates Ren]
Oh, Stimpy, you couldn't
make me happier
if you spanked me
with a big, wet waffle.
Ahh.
Well, this should be
interesting.
Roxy's coming over
for dinner.
What the heck are
we gonna make for her?
Anything but..
[imitates Ren]
...big, wet waffles.
Hey, what are
you watching?
Cartoons.
Oh, yeah, it is.
Yeah, everything
looks so small
I thought it was a commercial
for an ant farm.
Imagine having
a big screen TV.
You know, you could
watch "Tiny Toons"
and everything
wouldn't look so tiny.
What are you doing?
Just talking
to my sister.
I know what you're up to.
You're trying to
talk Michelle
into the big screen TV.
So what if I am?
You're working on her
day and night.
Yeah right, like
I'm sitting there
at 3:00 in the morning
whispering in her ear
"Karaoke machine,
karaoke machine."
That was you.
Big screen.
- Karaoke.
- Big screen.
- Karaoke.
- Big screen.
Dad! Please!
Help! Help!
Please!
What's the matter, honey?
Make the voices stop!
Alright,
D.J., Stephanie
move away from your sister.
Okay, sweetheart, we're gonna
settle this once and for all.
I'm taking you down
to Big Sid's
and you and you alone are
gonna make the decision, okay?
Dad, that's not fair.
You can't just have--
Without Siskel and Ebert
screaming in your ear.
Okay, quick. Get in the car.
Go, go, go, go.
But, dad--
Uh, Not another word.
Get in the car, Michelle.
I'm coming.
- Karaoke.
- Big screen.
- Karaoke.
- Big screen.
Get the karaoke machine!
Big screen,
Big screen TV
D.J., Stephanie, we're back.
Did you get
the big screen?
Karaoke?
Nope.
Well..
...Michelle finally found
something that she liked.
- That's it?
- Pretty cool, huh?
What were you thinkin'?
I decided this is something
we can all enjoy.
I'm sorry, girls.
It was Michelle's decision.
Personally, I-I lobbied
for the washer-dryer.
This way we could always
remember Little Sid.
Big Sid's kind of cute, too.
- Hey.
What's Big Sid doin' here?
He lives here now.
Well, I guess we could
prop it up in the window
and scare the heck out of
the Amway lady.
[car door closing]
Okay, that would be
Joey and Roxy.
Now guys, we wanna be
really nice to her, okay.
But, dad, she insulted us.
I know that, but Joey
really cares about her.
We gotta give her
a second chance, okay.
Let's just be
good sports
and show her somehow that
we really like her.
How do we do that?
Well, I guess
a good way would be
to laugh at
all of her jokes.
What if they're
not funny?
Laugh anyway.
No, your dad's right.
If we wanna keep Joey
we're gonna have to laugh
like we've never
laughed before.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
What was that?
I never laughed
like that before.
Why are we doing this?
They don't like me.
Oh, no. They just don't
know you like I know you.
You gotta give 'em
another chance.
I just don't wanna bomb
with your family again.
Well, then this time..
...don't worry
about being funny.
Just be open and honest
and everything will
work out just fine.
Are you sure?
Of course, I'm sure.
Well, then again,
I was sure
that the Chicken McLiver
was gonna take off.
Alright, my famous
fried chicken. Mmm.
(Jesse)
'That looks good for us.'
Oh, everybody,
look who's here.
- Hi.
Hey, Roxy.
I hope you like chicken.
Oh, I'm a big chicken person.
[laughing]
Big chicken person.
You-you're quick, young lady.
You really are.
Well, I'm glad you guys
are still talkin' to me
after what happened
the other night at the club.
I forget sometimes that
a joke can hurt as much as
slamming your finger
in a car door.
[laughing]
Car door.
That is funny, funny stuff.
I think what Roxy's
trying to say is
that she would never say
anything to hurt anyone
because she knows
how it feels.
It's true.
When I was a little girl
people used to make
fun of my voice.
Other kids used to
call me "Squeaky."
[laughing]
Oh, squeaky. I have to
remember that one.
What is wrong
with you guys?
Nothing. We're just
laughing at squeaky's jokes.
Roxy's not
trying to tell jokes.
She's trying to be
open and honest with you.
I'm sorry.
We thought that
you were being funny.
We were just trying to
show you that we like you.
By laughing at her?
Oh, Joey you made it seem
like the only way
to show Roxy
that we like her
was to laugh at her jokes.
But Joey, you told me
not to tell any jokes.
Roxy, I'm sorry.
When I told you
not to be funny
and to be
open and honest, I..
Well, I thought it would
take the pressure off you
so that you
could be funny.
Joey, what's the big deal
about being funny?
Well, you guys know
when I was a kid
I moved around a lot.
And that was my way to
get people to like me.
Joey, if you never
did your Bullwinkle
or gargled your Kool-Aid
or said another
funny thing your whole life
we would still love you.
- That's right, buddy.
- 'Yeah, Joey.'
Well, thanks, guys.
Well, I haven't said
a funny thing all night.
You guys must be
crazy about me.
I'll tell you what?
Why don't we start over again?
Roxy, these are the guys.
Guys, Roxy.
- Roxy, nice to meet you.
- Hey, Roxy.
Joey's told us absolutely
nothing about you.
Great.
Have some fried food.
No making out at
the dinner table.
Okay. Alright.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪