[instrumental music]
Okay, boys,
these are safety scissors.
Now, you don't have to worry,
they won't cut clothing
fingers or, uh,
paper, apparently.
I can do it.
Me too.
Now, boys, I should warn you,
I've been usin'
safety scissors unsupervised,
since I was 25
so don't be
too discouraged if it, uh..
You know,
if it comes...too easily.
Here, kite.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man the paper boy
evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Dad, it's not fair.
Art is my favorite subject.
I know, Michelle,
but there's not enough money
in the school budget.
Somethin' had to go.
How about those sloppy joes
they serve at lunch?
Michelle, I'm sorry
they cut the art program
but if it'll make you
feel any better
you can help us
with our collage.
No, thanks, it will
just remind of how much fun
I used to have in art class.
I can't believe
they cut the art program.
I mean, what are they gonna cut
next? Lunch, recess, dodgeball?
These are the building blocks
of education.
Well, Joey, I'm gonna
bring it all up tonight
at the PTA meeting.
You know what?
You should come with me.
Oh, I don't think so, Danny.
There's free food
and a filmstrip.
We gotta save that art program.
Michelle, how come you
had to pull it all the way out?
I thought there's
more drawer than that.
Ugh.
Alright, okay, girls
prepare to hug your uncle.
- What? What do you have?
- What is it?
I got tickets
for the whole family
to see Little Richard.
I love Little Richard.
He sings "Itsy Bitsy Spider"
on my new CD.
Michelle, he's a lot
more famous than that.
That's right. Tell her, girls.
He did those really,
cool taco commercials.
Oh!
Girls, please, I have
failed as both your uncle
and your official
historian of rock n' roll
which Little Richard happens
to be the founding father of.
He's the cat who put
the "womp-bomp-a-loom-bam"
with the "womp-bam-boom."
I was wondering who did that.
These tickets are so cool,
I almost hate to use them.
You know, I'm thinkin' about
maybe puttin' 'em in a frame
and hang them and the wall, you
know? Wouldn't that be cool?
Oh, Uncle Jesse, will you help
us get the sock drawer back in?
Huh, sure. You happen
to be talking to the guy
who got Joey's head
out of the breadbox.
Alright. All it takes
is a little finesse.
(Jesse)
'Just a little finesse is fine.'
'Finesse kinda..'
And some pounding.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Ain't nothin' to it.
A baby could do it.
Uh, Uncle Jesse,
now it's stuck.
- You got socks on?
- Yeah.
Worry about it tomorrow.
[instrumental music]
- Well, hello there, Joey.
- Oh.
Hello there,
Mrs. Carruthers.
As always, you're
a vision in flannel.
And you're a vision in whatever
it is that's, uh
covering your body there.
You know what?
Enough talk about textiles.
Why don't we get on
with the meeting?
The meeting of the
Frasier Street School PTA
will now come to order.
First on the agenda
is the upcoming elections.
I will, as always, be happy
to return as your president.
Now, is there any other business
before we move on to coffee
and Mrs. Yablonski's
prune squares?
Make it quick, Mr. Tanner.
Yes, I just-I just think
it's a disgrace
that we're losing
our art classes
and I'd like to know what
the PTA intends to do
to try to get them back.
Well, Mr. Tanner, school budgets
are not a matter for the PTA.
Yes, but without art,
o-our walls will be empty.
All the cracks
in the plaster will show.
And you know what's gonna
happen? They're just gonna
fill up with-with
filth, a-and dust and, grime.
And you're not gonna
be able to get in there
with just a vacuum cleaner
crevice tool. You're not.
You're gonna need a Q-Tip.
You'll have to dip it in Lizol.
You're gonna work it
in and out, up and down.
Danny, tell 'em
how art enriches lives.
Right.
Art enriches our lives.
Ask 'em where they'd be
without the Mona Lisa
Whistler's Mother, those dogs
playing poker. Ask 'em.
Right.
Where would we be with..
Dogs playing poker?
Why don't you tell them that?
I can't.. Go ahead.
Hi, everyone.
Basically, I think
we just need art.
Um, I'm not just talking about
paintings and sculptures..
...um..
Uh.. What about animation?
Do we wanna deny the world
the next Bugs Bunny
or Mickey Mouse
or Daffy Duck?
[imitates Daffy Duck]
Because art enhances
a student's progress.
[in normal voice]
Uh, basically, what
I'm saying is that
um, art is a really
wonderful thing for kids.
It makes them feel great
about themselves.
So thanks for listening
and drive carefully.
Bravo, Joey.
That was very passionate.
Ineffective but passionate.
And now, on
to the prune squares.
What is it now, Mr. Tanner?
I just like to get back
to that election thing.
I mean, what-what automatically
makes you president again?
I'm always proclaimed president.
So, now, without further ado
let's hoist me on your shoulders
and once around the room.
E-excuse me, everybody.
I would like to nominate
Joey Gladstone as president.
I second that.
Uh, I really
don't think so.
Oh, come on, Joey.
The school really needs you.
You love kids, you care about
kids. Heck, you are a kid, Joey.
And, frankly, uh,
I'd rather hoist you around
on my shoulders
than Mrs. Carruthers.
So, what do you say, everybody?
You wanna let Joey run
and have
a real election this year?
- Good idea.
- Come on.
- Alright, I'll do it.
- Alright.
That's great!
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, that's it.
The Little Richard tickets
are officially lost,
I checked everywhere.
I even checked
under Joey's bed.
When I came to,
I checked the garage.
All finished.
Oh, boys, let me see.
[Becky gasping]
Oh!
- This one.
- Thi.. Oh, it's beautiful.
Jess, look what Leonardo
and Da Vinci created.
Oh, that is beautiful, guys.
'It's colorful. It's..'
Look at these little blue
flecks. There's an L and an R..
They cut up my
Little Richard tickets.
Oh, Jess, you know what?
Let's not panic here, okay?
I went through something
very similar to this.
M-my sister, one time,
she ripped up
my very valuable
Willie Mays baseball card.
I was able
to glue it back together.
Of course, he looked more
like Weezy Jefferson.
Nah, it's okay.
It's not their fault.
You know, I guess
we weren't meant
to see Little Richard,
that's all.
Guys, look at this.
"Vote for Mrs. Carruthers."
I found it on my windshield.
I had no idea this PTA election
was gonna get so darn serious.
Oh, Joey, relax. Who's gonna
notice a couple of flyers?
They, uh,
might notice the t-shirts
balloons and frozen yogurt.
Kids, where'd
you get that stuff?
It's free at Mrs. Carruthers'
campaign headquarters.
All we gotta do
is ask our parents
to vote for Mrs. Carruthers.
Michelle, you're supposed to
tell people to vote for Joey.
Sir, I'm still on
Mr. Gladstone's side.
I'm just eating yogurt because
I have a delicate stomach.
I ate a Cobb salad for lunch,
and if I may be so candid
it's sitting like a brick.
Look at all this stuff.
How am I ever gonna
compete with Carruthers?
I gotta come up
with something really big.
Have a rally
with someone famous.
You know, when my mom
ran for president
of the Pro Wrestlers' Union
she invited
the Village People to play.
Kimmy, that sounds like
the movie of the week.
Why don't you
go home and write it?
Jess, wait a second here.
You know what?
Kimmy's brain cells might have
inadvertently connected here.
Maybe a little campaign rally's
not such a bad idea.
Who could we get
to come that's famous?
My uncle could do it.
Whenever we have a party
he's the first one
to jump up and start singin'.
He's probably the first one
to finish the punch
and put the bowl
on his head too. Ha ha!
[doorbell ringing]
I'll get it.
I bet that's my uncle.
He's picking me up today.
You wanna meet him?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
Is he gonna wear that
punch bowl on his head?
- Who is it?
- 'Uncle Richard.'
You're Little Richard.
Whoo!
Uncle Little Richard,
these are my friends.
I have your record,
Mr. Little.
Could you play
the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" for us?
Whoo-whoo!
I love that spider!
All I need is the 88 keys.
- How about a piano?
- 'Whoo!'
Even better.
- Follow me.
- Okay.
Right this way.
Joey, if you would,
would you blanch the vegetables
and, uh,
I'll toss the salad and..
Hi. Hi, everybody.
And I think Little Richard
just walked through the kitchen.
[performing "Itsy Bitsy Spider"]
♪ There's a little spider
that's oh so strong ♪
♪ Listening to the beat
let me pump this song ♪
♪ Itsy bitsy spider
went up the water spout ♪
♪ Down came the rain
and washed the spider out ♪
♪ Out came the sun
and dried up all the rain ♪
♪ Itsy bitsy spider
went up the spout again ♪
(both)
Whoo!
♪ Itsy bitsy spider ♪
♪ Ooh an itsy bitsy spider ♪
♪ We got an itsy bitsy spider ♪♪
Whoo!
Can't believe it!
Little Richard played my piano.
It's like havin', uh,
Henry Ford tune up your car.
- I know that's right.
- Oh, yeah.
I can't believe
that you're the uncle
who plays at all
of Denise's family parties.
He says you
drink up all the punch
and put the bowl
up on your head.
[both laughing]
Little Richard,
could you play at Joey's rally?
Oh, Michelle, we couldn't impose
on an international superstar
to play at a PTA rally.
Sure, it's a good cause
to get the art program back
and who knows, they might
cancel the music program next--
Shut up!
So I can say yes.
- Yeah.
- Alright!
- Thank you.
- Alright!
[piano music]
- Where is Little Richard?
- I don't know.
He was rehearsing
with The Rippers
I called the rehearsal hall,
he's not there
he's supposed to be
here half hour ago.
Well, he better hurry up.
I don't know how much
longer Danny can stall.
He's running out of things
to say about Joey.
So, uh, what else
can I say about Joey
that I haven't already said
in the past, uh, oh, 30 minutes?
Well, his socks always match.
You said that.
Well, I can't
emphasize it enough.
Well, well, well, well, well.
Obviously, Joey Gladstone
has been unable to provide
the entertainment
he promised.
Give me that.
Is that the kinda man
you wanna see as president?
In a thong, certainly.
But president?
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Joey Gladstone promised us
entertainment
and we have entertainment.
- Oh, really?
- Yes, yes.
In fact, Joey,
Jesse and I were just
gonna sing a little song.
- Come on up, guys.
- What song are we gonna do?
We don't have
anything planned.
Well, we'll-we'll
just wing it.
[Danny humming]
♪ It seems we stood
and talked like this before ♪
♪ We looked at each other
in the same way then ♪
♪ But I can't remember
where or when ♪
♪ And so it seems that
we have met before ♪
♪ And laughed before ♪
♪ And loved before ♪
♪ But who ♪
♪ Knows where or when ♪
♪ Where or when ♪♪
[crowd cheering]
[pop music]
[music continues]
♪ Say its only a paper moon ♪
♪ Sailing over a cardboard sea ♪
♪ But it wouldn't
be make-believe ♪
♪ If you believed in me ♪
♪ Oh without your love ♪
♪ It's a honky-tonk parade ♪
♪ Without your love ♪
♪ It's a melody played
in a penny arcade.. ♪♪
And now, for your enjoyment
my impression
of a beautiful young girl
being frisked by MacGyver.
MacGyver?
Ooh, MacGyver.
MacGyver, I hardly know you.
(Both)
Give me an N.
(crowd)
'N!'
(Becky and Steph)
'Give me a T.'
(in unison)
T!
What does that spell?
(in unison)
"Joey Gladstone will make
a really good choice
(in unison)
for PTA president."
- Right.
- Whoo! Thank you.
Well, well, wasn't that endless?
Uh, Joey, if you concede now,
I'll put you in my cabinet.
And I'll let you out
late at night.
Wait just a second.
Hold on here.
I'm not givin' up yet.
These people care
about the real issues.
They're not here just
to see Little Richard.
Am I right, people?
- 'That's right.'
- 'There he is!'
Thank you for the applause.
Those are the people
I care about. That's right.
Yeah, that's right. We got a
responsibility to these kids.
Shut up, Joey!
They're not cheering for you.
They're cheering for me.
Get off the stage.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The legendary but tardy..
...Little Richard!
[performing "Keep On Knockin'"]
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in wooo ♪
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Come back tomorrow night
and try it again ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in wooo ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Come back tomorrow night
and try it again ♪
[music continues]
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in wooo ♪
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Come back tomorrow night
and try it again ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in wooo ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Come back tomorrow night
and try it again ♪
[music continues]
♪ Whoo ♪
(Little Richard)
'Come on!'
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Keep on knockin'
but you can't come in wooo ♪
♪ Keep a knockin'
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Come back tomorrow night
and try it again ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in ♪
♪ You said you love me
but you can't come in ♪
♪ Come back tomorrow night
and try it again ♪♪
[music continues]
[crowd cheering]
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
- Save the art program.
- 'Yeah.'
And remember on election day
to vote for me.
I mean, Joey.
And goodnight, everybody.
[music continues]
[crowd cheering]
Excuse me, people.
Now, last night, I took a look
at the PTA constitution.
It says and I quote
"The president of the
Frasier Street School PTA
must be a parent
of a child in the school."
Now, since Joey is a striking
yet childless bachelor
he is disqualified.
Wait, wait. Hold on here.
Now, wait just a doggone minute.
I mean, what exactly
is a parent anyway?
I say, It's someone
who sits up with you all night
when you have the measles.
(in unison)
Yeah.
Someone who checks
to see if there's a monster
under your bed.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, Joey.
It's someone who
helps you rebuild
a papier-mache bust
of Warren G. Harding
the day its due
because he accidentally
sat on it the night before.
And I'm still sorry
about that, Steph.
It's okay.
Someone who cares and cries and,
hopes that the kids they love
will grow up to be happy and,
safe and, lead a good life.
- 'Yeah.'
- 'You're right.'
(Denise)
'Yeah.'
And maybe I don't
have kids of my own
but, in my heart, I'm as much
a parent as anybody here.
- Yes, yes.
- Come on, Joey.
Yes! Yes!
Oh, Joey, what can I say?
You're as beautiful
on the inside
as you are from the back.
I would be so honored if
you would be my co-president
and together we'd get that
art program back for our kids!
Thank you,
Mrs. Carruthers, I accept.
[crowd cheering]
[upbeat music]
Mrs. Carruthers, I wanna
dance with you, okay?
But in a very professional..
Mrs. Carruthers, okay.
That's enough.
Hey, hey, hey!
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
[music continues]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪