FEMALE NARRATOR: 53 percent of the American workforce is female,
three generations of women that turned 1,000 years of tradition on its ear.
As little girls, they were told to grow up
and marry doctors and lawyers.
Instead they grew up and became doctors and lawyers.
They moved out of the pink ghetto
and into the executive suite.
Sociologists say the new working woman
is a phenomenon of our time.
Take J.C. Wiatt, for example.
Graduated first in her class at Yale,
got her MBA at Harvard,
has a corner office at the corner of 58th and Park.
She works 5:00 to 9:00, she makes six figures a year,
and they call her "The Tiger Lady."
Married to her job,
she lives with an investment banker married to his.
They collect African art, co-own their co-op,
and have separate but equal IRA accounts.
One would take it for granted that a woman like this has it all.
One must never take anything for granted.
No, no, no, no, no. You don't get it.
Atlantic Overseas isn't just having a slow quarter.
The way they're going, they may not be flying to Newark in six months.
Don't you think... Ken. Ken.
A company can't lose $25 million a quarter
and expect to stay in business.
They've got to streamline their organization, reduce headquarters' staff,
get rid of operating bottlenecks,
and then we'll be able to focus on the real soft spot.
What? Well, you're good.
Oh. I see you're just realizing this?
Robin, I need the flash report in time for my meeting.
Got it. Good.
I also need the latest info on the IBC merger.
Right. What's going on?
Oh, Steven just called. He wants to know if 9:00 is okay for dinner.
Oh. Melnicker called twice, he said it was urgent.
(SIGHS) And I need you to sign these.
Legal's been screaming for them.
Okay, now, Sheldrick moved up the deadline on Consolidated,
so don't make any plans for the weekend.
This weekend?
Is there a problem?
No, it's just that I have tickets to the ballet
that I've waited six months...
No problem.
All right. Tell Steven 9:00 is fine for dinner
and see if you can get us into Jams.
And if they don't have a good table,
try and get something else.
Ken, I need the PNLs on Atlantic Overseas. Right.
I also need the latest ZBBs AND PBBs.
And, Robin, I want you to get me the CEO of IBC ASAP.
Excuse me, Miss Wiatt. Uh-huh?
Mr. Curtis wants to know if you're free for dinner tonight.
Absolutely. Cancel Steven.
And good morning to you, too, Miss Wiatt.
Okay, the Montana lamb with roquette-leaf and goat-cheese salad,
and the lime-grilled free-range chicken
with the pumpkin pasta and dandelion greens.
Looks fabulous.
Enjoy. Thanks.
I'm Phillip if you need me.
Thank you.
Tell me, what do you know about Hughes Larrabee?
He's the CEO of The Food Chain.
He used to be the CEO of Avon.
He's a killer. Real smart, no bullshit.
I never met him. Why?
He called. They wanna talk. Mmm-hmm.
I thought they were with Mackenzie.
Well, apparently they're shopping around.
I set up a lunch for you at The Pierre.
Oh, I would love to steal an account from Mackenzie.
I would just love it.
J.C. Mmm-hmm.
You know I think you're enormously talented.
Fritz, are you leaving the company or something?
No. Am I leaving the company?
Christ, let me get it out. No? Sorry.
No.
I want you to become a partner.
Oh.
Oh, well.
I accept. This is... This is great, Fritz.
This is very exciting. Wow.
Of course I have to discuss it with Everett,
but I'll do that on the plane tomorrow.
I hope he remembers me. Because, you know, I only met him a few times.
You reel in The Food Chain, he'll remember you, I promise you.
Well.
J.C., let me ask you something.
How many hours a week do you work now?
I don't know. What, 70, 80?
Well, realize as a partner, the hours are only gonna get worse.
I never complain about these things, Fritz. Yeah, I know.
You know me. I like work. I know.
Yeah, I know. I know. Okay. You know that I...
Just let me get this off my chest, okay?
Sure.
Now...
(FOOT STOMPING)
What's that knocking?
Well, never mind. Look, you know that normally
I don't think of you as a woman,
but in this case,
I do have to look at you as a woman/partner.
I mean...
What if you and Steven decide to get married somewhere down the line?
I mean, what if he expects a wife?
Fritz, first of all, may I? Mmm.
Steven and I are not getting married.
And secondly, you know how we are.
We both eat, sleep and dream our work.
That's why we're together.
Fritz, I understand what it takes to make it.
But do you understand the sacrifices you're gonna have to make?
I mean, a man can be a success
and still have a personal life. A full personal life.
My wife is there for me whenever I need her.
I mean, she raises the kids, she decorates, she...
Well, I don't know what the hell she does,
(J.C. LAUGHS) but she takes care of things.
I guess
what I'm saying is I'm lucky.
I can have it all.
Is that what you're worried about?
Forget it.
I don't want it all.
I don't.
How would you like an Akita as a partnership present?
J.C.: A dog?
Yeah, I thought you loved them.
Oh, I love looking at them, but owning one?
You'd have to feed it and walk it,
we'd have hair everywhere.
What if it died?
Jeez, it was just a thought.
Oh, it's a lovely thought. It's not that.
It's just a... Oh, you know me.
I'm not really great with living things.
I think you are.
Do you wanna make love?
Please. Really.
(LAUGHING)
All right. It's coming off right now.
Oh, dear.
Oh. Oh, Steven. Mmm.
Did you see this house? No.
Listen to this.
"62-acre Vermont estate."
STEVEN: Mmm.
"Fruit orchard, swimming pond,
"360 degree view of the mountains."
This is so great.
Why do you keep saving those things?
Why? A lot of people have vacation homes.
Yeah. People who take vacations have vacation homes.
Well, you never know.
I know you in Vermont without a speakerphone would not be a pretty sight.
Oh. That is extremely funny.
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, God, it even has a barn.
Do you wanna make love?
Do you?
Oh. I guess you do, huh?
(J.C. CLEARING THROAT)
Mmm.
That was incredible.
(PHONE RINGS)
STEVEN: Hello?
One moment, please.
J.C., it's for you.
I'm in a meeting. Take a message.
J.C., it's the telephone. Come on.
What?
It sounds like overseas.
Oh.
Hello?
Mmm-hmm.
Yes.
Cousin Andrew?
No, I don't have a cousin Andrew.
Well, wait. No, wait, wait, wait.
My mother's cousin's daughter's son.
Yeah, you're right, I do.
Really?
(GASPS) Oh.
Well, hello? Are you there?
This is... This is a very bad connection.
What happened?
Oh, wow. That's awful.
I'm sorry. I really... I'm terribly sorry.
I still can't hear you.
What about his will?
No, no, no, no. I heard that part.
I just didn't hear the part... Hello?
Hello? I didn't hear the part... What's going on?
Well... Oh, my goodness.
A cousin of mine died with his wife
in some sort of an accident.
I only met him once when I was just a little girl
'cause he lived in England, but anyway,
he left me something because I'm his only living relative.
This could be big. Was he rich?
Oh, yeah, sure. Of course he was rich. My family?
Hello. Yes. Yes, I'm here.
Uh-huh. JFK tomorrow.
Mrs. Atwood.
All right. What time?
No, wait. Wait. Excuse me.
But I still didn't hear what it was you said he left me.
Hello? Yes, hello?
Can you believe this?
(SNORING)
(SIGHS)
WOMAN ON PA: Flight 701 now arriving from London at Gate 29.
Miss Wiatt?
Oh. Yes. Mrs. Atwood.
Yes. British Department of Health and Social Security.
Shall we step over there?
Sure. Sure.
I'm sorry about Andrew.
Oh, yes, quite tragic.
Of course, I didn't know them personally.
Oh, no, I know. Neither did I, but it was very awful.
I mean, you know, what happened. So...
Well, actually, I have a lunch meeting in 40 minutes,
so if I could just sign for whatever it is that I inherited.
Oh, yes. Certainly. I just need you to sign one thing.
Mmm-hmm. Good. There.
So, what is it? A million dollars?
I beg your pardon?
(LAUGHING)
Oh. What is it? I mean, what is it that I inherited?
Why, Elizabeth, of course.
What Elizabeth, of course?
Your cousin Andrew's Elizabeth.
Are you...
Are you joking?
Didn't Mrs. Simpson tell you?
What?
Wait a minute, now.
I... Are you telling me that I inherited a baby from a cousin
I haven't seen since 1954?
No. N-O. No way. Uh-uh. This is impossible.
I'm sorry, I assumed you understood the nature of my trip.
Well, you see, that's the funny thing. I can't have a baby,
because I have a 12:30 lunch meeting.
I'm sorry, I have to reboard.
I'm on my way to visit relatives in Florida.
Now, Elizabeth, this is your aunt J.C.
The one I was telling you about.
You're going to live with her now,
and she is going take care of you
and love you very much.
Mrs. Atwood... Here are her things.
In there. But I can't...
And a copy of the Wiatts' will.
And Elizabeth's passport and her birth certificate.
Yeah, Mrs. Atwood, I'm not the right sort of person for this.
You're the only person, Miss Wiatt.
She's a very agreeable child, you'll see.
Once you get the hang of it, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother.
(STUTTERING)
Mother?
Thank you so much.
(EXCLAIMING)
Armand. Yeah. No, no, just get... Yeah.
Now, look, careful, Armand.
Her diaper's just a little bit damp. Oh.
(SNEEZES)
Gesundheit.
What? (STAMMERING) Would you mind?
No, I don't mind. What? Oh.
Yeah. There.
Do you have anything to check? Yes.
No! No, no. It's just for an hour.
Just, you know, take care of her. She's very agreeable.
Hughes. J.C. Wiatt.
Good to meet you. Good to meet you.
I'm so sorry I'm late. Thank you.
Would you like something to...
Oh, I see, you have something to drink. Well, I think I'll join you.
Waiter, I'd like a glass of wine, the same as Mr. Larrabee.
(ELIZABETH CRYING)
So how long are you in diapers for... In town for?
Just a day. I can't take too much of a good thing.
(ELIZABETH CONTINUES CRYING)
That's very funny.
I wanted to tell you that I was just so knocked out
when Fritz told me about your call.
You see, I've always been a very huge fan of yours...
Armand! What is going on?
Let me handle it. I'll find out.
Excuse me, Hughes. Armand.
(SHUSHING)
Look, miss, miss. I'm in the middle of a major meeting.
Could you please keep her a little quiet, okay?
Look, if it's so easy, you try.
I don't know...
There. All she wanted was her mama.
I am not her mother, and by the way,
she has just been through a very traumatic experience,
so a little compassion would not be out of line, okay?
I will give you a very big tip.
I'll give you my Visa card.
Can you believe somebody would actually bring a baby here?
(ELIZABETH CRYING) Anyway, as I was saying,
I've always been intrigued by the managerial panache of The Food Chain.
Tell me about you.
(CONTINUES CRYING) Me, huh? Me.
(STAMMERING) Well, I'm... Oh, I just...
I'm assigned all our Fortune 100 companies.
And I personally handle IBM, Xerox, DuPont, Polaroid...
Excuse me.
Yeah, Texas Instruments...
Yo! What?
Your baby has just barfed all over my boss.
But this is not my baby.
I... I went to Harvard and Yale, and I don't have children.
She just... She's...
She belongs... Look. I'm gonna hold her for just a minute.
But this is not going to affect me.
(COOING)
Yes, I... Who else do I handle?
I also handle Hewlett-Packard,
Citicorp, Eastman Kodak, they always ask for me. They love me there.
Oh, God.
Oh. Luvs. Here we go.
Pampers. Huggies Supertrim.
Okay. Large, 23 pounds and over.
Hey. Medium, 20? Twelve.
Twelve to 24 pounds.
And newborn is up to 14 pounds.
Okay, so, you're not newborn, are you?
How much do you weigh, anyway?
Twenty-two.
Oh, 22 pounds. Okay.
Oh!
There.
Hi.
I need a drink.
Okay. I'm leaving you here for a few minutes,
so I'm trusting you not to touch anything.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
(DOOR UNLOCKING)
J.C.?
I'm home.
Great hunting boots. If I only hunted.
Hi!
(SCREAMS)
(CRIES)
Whoa!
(GLASS SHATTERS)
What?
What is this? A baby.
What is it doing here?
J.C.: You know that pin I thought I inherited from my cousin?
Yes.
Well, it wasn't a pin.
Ah, here it is. "We hereby request that J.C. Wiatt
"act as guardian to our only child, Elizabeth Alice Wiatt."
Mmm-hmm.
"If however, J.C. Wiatt is unable to act as guardian,
"we leave it to her discretion
"to find suitable adoptive parents."
Thank God, you have an out clause.
You do want the out clause?
Well, of course I want the out clause. What do you think?
I thought I heard your biological clock ticking.
Oh, Steven, please! Please.
Tomorrow I'm gonna contact whoever it is
who finds suitable adoptive parents,
but in the meantime, we're just gonna make do.
Here, would you hold her? Oh, no, no, no.
I can't. No, I never held a baby.
Oh, I see. And what, I have?
Oh, God.
Thank you very much.
Now look, there is nothing in the world to get uptight about.
We are two summa cum laude.
We can handle one little baby for eight hours.
J.C.: Mmm! Yum!
Mmm-hmm. Thank you very much.
STEVEN: It's linguine time.
I think you're gonna like this.
J.C.: Here you go.
Bon appetit!
Great idea. Give her linguine. Wonderful.
(GROANS) I think it'd be easier to just move.
What are you doing?
Spaghetti's dropping from the ceiling.
"Bring diaper between baby's legs,
"release tapes and position over the front of absorbent padding."
(SIGHING) Now...
Oh.
Release the tapes.
There.
Let's see. In front of absorbent...
This is really fabulous.
Position over front of absorbent padding.
Okay, I've got it!
Perfect!
(COOING)
(GIGGLING)
Ah.
(COOING)
That's great.
(CRYING) Yes, yes, now the diaper.
Okay.
Sit.
Yes. Now there, sit.
Play with it, here, you can play with this.
Yes. You can play with that.
WOMAN ON TV: Fine! You're doing splendidly.
Speed it up a little!
(GIGGLING)
(CLICKS)
MAN: A lot of 'em.
There must be 30, 40...
Twenty-six!
Twenty-six.
FEMALE TV ANNOUNCER: Weinberger insisted he needs everything he's asking for
to negotiate with the Soviets.
Good opportunity to go over the growing nature of the Soviet threat.
The reasons why we have to have the kinds of totals...
Do you mind? I'm trying... J.C., please.
Well, I don't know what to do.
All right, I'll handle this.
Stop crying. Please. I'll pay you.
Elizabeth, now listen.
It is 11:53, and it's time for you to go to sleep.
It's late, we both have a lot of work to do,
and we need some peace and quiet.
Elizabeth, grow up.
I have to be at a conference in Boston tomorrow,
and I need to concentrate, okay?
Now, I want you to lie down, close your eyes
and stop crying by the time I count to three.
Don't shake your head "no" at me, Elizabeth, I'm speaking to you.
Are you ready? One...
Two...
Two and a half...
Three.
It worked.
Good.
All right, now, just kiss Uncle Steven good night.
Ow! Jesus! What? She bit me!
(GIGGLING)
I hope this doesn't appear like I'm a terrible person for not keeping her.
You forgot this page.
Oh, thank you. Thanks. Goodness.
Anyway, her parents, I never really knew them,
and I'm not the motherly type, I never have been.
And I didn't have little brothers or sisters,
so, you see, I didn't babysit.
Plus I'm not, well, you know, I'm not natural with kids.
I'm a management... I'm a management consultant,
and I work 12 to 14 hours a day,
and I just really feel that Elizabeth needs
a more equipped situation.
No explanations are necessary, Miss Wiatt.
I'm sure we'll have no problems placing Elizabeth.
You really shouldn't feel guilty.
You're not the first person to put a child up for adoption.
Oh, I understand that, and I'm really very comfortable with my decision.
And it's just...
Guilt's not a part of it.
Guilt's not a word in my vocabulary. I mean...
Please, guilt?
Believe me, J.C., you made the right choice.
You're gonna be a partner, for Christ's sake. Uh-huh.
Your career comes first.
Look at it this way. Yeah.
You spend a few days with her, you got her all these toys.
I know.
$1,700 worth of clothes.
Come on, that's not a bad haul if you ask me.
I just wanna say thank you for your support, Jesus.
Hey, no problem. Nice to meet you.
Put this over you like that.
And...
(ELIZABETH SNEEZES)
Well... Gesundheit.
What? You're hot?
You're burning up.
Uh-oh.
What did I do with that book?
Oh, no.
Sneezing. Let's see, sneezing, sneezing.
171.
Don't get sick. Just don't get sick.
One cold-mist humidifier,
one electric steam vaporizer,
one baby thermometer, one baby Tylenol,
baby nose drops, baby cough medicine,
and... A bottle of valium?
Oh, yeah. That's for me.
Oh, I...
Oh, I... All right. I gotta take this.
(CRYING)
I know. I know. It's gonna be so fast.
I have to have this before I do this.
I know, Elizabeth, it's gonna be such a cinch, okay?
Here we go. Now try one more time.
Here we go.
Okay. Good.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Oh. Oh.
Oh, uh-huh.
Yes.
Yes, that's, that's great. Uh-huh.
10:00. Okay. All right.
We'll... We'll be there. Right.
WOMAN: This is Mr. And Mrs. White.
Hi.
The Whites have been very anxious to meet Elizabeth.
Before we take her off your hands,
I wanna hear from the horse's mouth
that there's no chance of us getting a male.
WILMA: The agency representative that came out to our motor home
said we might have a chance of getting a boy.
So Father here just wants to make sure
that no stone's been left unturned.
We did try to locate a boy for you,
but there are no boys available at this time.
Well, then. Is she all right for you, Mother?
Yes, sir.
Now she's got all of her shots and everything?
WILMA: (LAUGHING) Lord, Merle. It's not a puppy.
I understand you bought Elizabeth some new clothes?
(SNEEZES) Oh, yes. I just... I bought just a couple of things.
See, she's just getting over a cold,
so I brought her medicine, and...
And, well, she takes a quarter of a teaspoon every 4 hours.
And I packed her measuring spoon in with her clothes and toys.
The clothes and toys won't be necessary.
Where are you folks from?
I mean, if I'm allowed to ask.
We'll be moving back to Duluth next week.
Most of Merle's family is out that way now,
and our pastor is out there and all.
I'm sure Fern will like it just fine.
Fern?
(ELIZABETH CRYING)
We're naming her after Merle's mama.
Oh, hush, hush. Hush, now.
Well, uh, maybe I should...
No. I'll take care of the formalities from here on, Miss Wiatt.
You're free to go.
(CRYING CONTINUES) Oh, I am.
Oh, uh...
Bye-bye.
You... You take care.
Right.
(CRYING)
(WAILING)
Just don't expect too much, okay?
(COOS) Okay?
(COOING) Okay?
I just couldn't hand her over
to a woman who called her husband "sir." It gave me the chills.
Her whole life flashed before me, and suddenly I saw her
in frosted lipstick, wearing a Dairy Queen uniform.
Oh, look, J.C... Anyway, Steven,
I can handle it. I really can.
A lot of working women do it.
Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Pauley, Ethel Kennedy.
Ethel Kennedy?
All right, so she doesn't work, but a lot of people do it.
I just don't think you know what you're getting into.
You have no experience.
You kidding? My mother had a doctorate in parenting. You learn.
I'm telling you, you should see me diaper now.
I'm so totally brilliant at it.
I appreciate what you're going through, I do.
But for me, I just...
Go ahead, you can be honest. I just...
You what?
I just...
No? I can't.
Okay.
(INAUDIBLE)
MAN: My pleasure, Mr. Sloane.
Do we have any women partners?
Yeah. One. In the Chicago office.
Good morning, Mr. Sloane. Good morning.
Oh, right, right. The redhead.
Everett, it's down here, the first office on the left.
J.C.: I found it. Here you go. Here you go, miss.
(SQUEAKS) There it is.
Oh!
Oh, hello!
Oh! Hello!
FRITZ: Everett, you remember J.C., don't you?
Well, of course! Everett, how do you do?
I... I thought you were in Washington.
Well, won't you please come right on in?
Yes. Sit down.
(PHONE RINGING) Charlotte!
Everett, why don't you sit down?
Oh, Everett, excuse me. So, so sorry.
If you could just scoot over. I'm terribly sorry.
(GASPS) Oh! Oh, my goodness!
I have a hair dryer in the closet.
I'm fine, really.
Perhaps a towel. Would a towel be good? I'm fine. I'm fine.
Oh, very sorry about that.
When did she have a baby?
Oh, this isn't J.C.'s baby, it's her cousin's.
She's just keeping her for a few days.
Yeah, well, Fritz, as a matter of fact, as it turns out,
I'm keeping her... Excuse me.
I'm keeping her a little longer than that.
How much longer?
Oh, forever.
Could I interest anybody in anything to drink,
uh, 7-UP, Perrier, formula?
(ALL LAUGHING)
I... I hear you'd like to be a partner.
Oh, yes.
I would... I would love to be a partner.
It represents the kind of tenure that... Pardon me.
Yes. Thank you. I'm so sorry, Everett.
It represents the kind of tenure that I've always wanted.
Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
So, anyway, it does... Would you excuse us for one moment?
I'm very sorry. Pardon me.
Charlotte. Charlotte.
Now, look here.
This is the single most important moment in my entire career.
If you don't stick this bottle back in your mouth this very second,
you're gonna find yourself on the next Greyhound to Duluth! Do you understand?
Okay, now, take it!
Okay.
Nice to see you again.
You're leaving? Yes.
Because I wanted to chat with you about The Food Chain.
I know they're looking for new entries in the food market.
I have some great ideas about...
Good, I hope they buy it.
They will because The Tiger Lady is on the case.
Mmm-hmm.
Yes.
I'm hiring a nanny tonight. She'll never be in the office again.
Believe me, nothing is going to change. I'm totally on top of it.
I need you to come with me to Cleveland Thursday... You got it.
...to talk to The Food Chain. I'll be there. Absolutely.
I can still count on you seven days a week,
48 hours a day? Of course, I mean,
I'm not gonna turn into Erma Bombeck.
I'm a maniac! You know that.
Yeah.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Hi. I'm here for the nanny interview.
So why don't you tell me a little about yourself?
I'm originally from Wichita, Kansas.
Oh. And what brought you to New York?
The Lord.
Uh-huh.
Well, thank you very much for coming by.
I've just graduated from Johns Hopkins,
and I'm taking a year's sabbatical before I begin my medical school training.
Fabulous! And what brought you to New York?
I came here to live with a guy, but that didn't work out.
And then three weeks ago I suffered a nervous breakdown.
You see, my father, he tried to commit suicide
and when I came home I found him at the bottom of the stairs.
My mother was drunk, and she accused me of trying to kill him.
So what did you say your baby's name was?
(IN GERMAN ACCENT) I think you should know from the start
that I am a full-charge nanny.
I don't argue
and I do not like to be argued with.
I will teach your daughter to properly respect a man.
I speak only when spoken to.
I do not need a bed, I prefer to sleep on the floor.
Well, I don't have any real nanny experience,
but I love kids,
and I did a lot of babysitting for people back home
in Mandrake Falls...
You're hired.
Elizabeth... Yes.
I'm leaving for Cleveland now.
I will be back tonight,
and tomorrow we will spend quality time together.
Now, Eve, your new babysitter,
is a very responsible person,
and I feel very comfortable leaving you with her.
I gotta go. Uh, Eve! Good girl.
Eve, now, you know how to do everything, right?
Don't worry, Miss Wiatt. Everything is under control.
"Don't worry"? Worry's my middle name.
Really? Well, no.
No, no.
Now, you have my number at the office and they can always reach me.
Got it right here. Good.
And if you should take her to the park, I want you to be sure...
I know. Take the mace. This isn't Mandrake Falls. Right.
Very good. Thank you, Eve. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Everybody knows that The Food Chain
is one hell of an organization.
Your managers are effective, your workers, motivated.
According to your data, your margins could be the highest in the industry.
Twenty percent growth, equity returns in the high 20s.
So, what's the problem?
Why isn't The Food Chain number one in the marketplace?
Now that's the question that's been keeping me up at nights,
and then I realized that the answer is so simple...
Miss Wiatt? It's... Yes.
Line two is for you.
Well, I'm very sorry...
They said it was important.
Well, excuse me.
J.C. Wiatt.
Eve...
Eve, I'm in the middle of a very important meeting.
So what's going on?
(SOFTLY) The nipples?
Well, did you look in the drawer to the right of the sink?
Why don't you do that? Hurry up and while you're at it,
make sure they're sterilized, okay?
No, no, no. No, Eve. Don't put her on, please.
Hi. Honey, yes, I hear you.
Okay, okay.
* The itsy-bitsy spider
Good! Would you put Eve back on?
(STAMMERING) Eve, Eve, I gotta go.
Oh, oh...
(SIGHS) Where was I?
(SIGHS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
EVE: Oh, hi, Miss Wiatt.
Hi, Eve.
You got a message today.
Uh-huh.
(GASPS) Mr. Curtis called, and he said,
"Congratulations. You got the account."
Well, thank you, Eve.
Uh, what is going on?
This is Wayne. Dwayne.
And we met in the park today...
Uh-huh. ...and he was just leaving.
Go with him.
So, Helga, tell me about yourself.
How's your social life? Would you say that it's fairly active?
I have no outside interests,
other than my sister in Wiesbaden,
and of course, my music and my books.
Oh, I see, so then you're not really involved.
I mean, you have no...
Never have.
Oh. So, Helga,
now you're gonna take her for a three-mile walk every day?
Are you sure that's not too much air or anything?
She will be fine. Good.
Now listen, I've gotta run.
I've got an 8:00 appointment.
So, I've gotta go. Bye-bye, darling.
Bye-bye. Thank you, Helga.
Helga!
Pardon me, Helga!
Helga! Helga! Helga, excuse me.
I'm really sorry, but I forgot,
there's just one very small detail.
Could I have your social security number for tax reasons?
Uh-huh. 126-42-4276.
Great, and your sister's name in Wiesbaden,
in case of an emergency, and her prison record, if any.
Excuse me?
Silly. I mean her address, if you have it.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(REPEATING IN GERMAN)
Good. I'll just write that phonetically. It doesn't even matter.
Oh, jeez, I'm late. I'll get it later.
Oh, bye! Bye-bye, Elizabeth!
Bye-bye! Bye!
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
(HORN HONKING) Hey!
(HONKING)
I'm sorry. Really, I'm quite fine.
I'll see you this evening!
(PHONE RINGING)
Charlotte, here.
Take my coat, will you, please? Sure.
Oh! Gotta hurry. I know. I'm late. Okay.
Meeting's started.
Thank you.
Oh, sorry.
The problems of motherhood, I had absolutely no idea.
So, where are we?
Uh, have you seen this?
(INTERCOM BUZZING)
Oh, J.C., we were just buzzing you. Come in for a sec.
Sure.
Oh. Hi.
Listen. I have good news. Uh-huh.
I'm moving Kenny up.
Oh!
FRITZ: I think after three years under your tutelage,
he's ready, don't you think?
Sure. Absolutely!
FRITZ: Yeah, I want him to be first lieutenant on The Food Chain.
Oh, you know, Fritz, he's already been helping me a lot.
Yeah. I want you to really involve him.
Larrabee wants to push up the deadline.
I'll need you both full-time.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's great. I got plenty for him to do.
Thank you so much, J.C., really.
Uh, listen, I got... I've got dinner with Larrabee's people,
so I gotta run.
Oh, again, Fritz, thank you for this opportunity.
That's all right. Yeah, fine. Yeah.
Just congratulations.
Oh, thank you. Really, thank you.
Oh...
You were smart to recruit that kid. He's good.
Yeah, he's great. He's really just great.
CHARLOTTE: Oh, there you are!
You forgot your Teddy Ruxpin.
The Puffalump didn't come in yet, it's on order.
Here you go. The batteries are in the box.
Thank you very much, Charlotte.
Okay. Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
Good night. Have a good weekend.
Good night.
Good night, Fritz.
Good night.
What about a week from Wednesday for junior symphony?
No, no, no. Cole has drama on Wednesdays.
Oh. Ben's got his play group in French on Monday.
Gymboree on Tuesday, computer readiness on Thursday...
What about Friday?
After violin but before his shrink?
Perfect.
Crosby, go play in the sand box. Here.
(SIGHS)
What is wrong with you? You look awful.
We heard from Dalton.
Crosby didn't get in.
BOTH: Oh, no.
(SOBBING) I'm so upset.
If she doesn't get into the right preschool,
she's not gonna get into the right kindergarten.
If she doesn't get into the right kindergarten,
I can forget about a good prep school
and any hope of an Ivy League college.
WOMAN: Honey, that is so devastating.
I just don't understand it. Her resume was perfect.
Her references were impeccable.
Dennis is gonna kill me.
Excuse me. I heard you talking about preschools,
and I was just wondering, at what age do they actually start?
I forget.
Well, it depends. Two and a half, three.
Oh, yeah. And are the good schools, are they hard to get into?
(LAUGHING) Hard? Are you kidding?
I've had Alexis registered
at the Preschool for Performing Arts since birth.
He's already on the waiting list for Dalton.
So, if we're not on the waiting list or something by now, I mean, it's like...
You can forget about it, honey.
Mom. Hi, honey.
Doesn't the sky look just like Cezanne's Bay of Marseilles?
Gee, it does.
Oh, Ben, that is a terrific observation.
Go play, honey.
They teach Cezanne in preschool?
Well, no, actually Ben is a graduate of The Center.
Oh, that's an idea for you.
Really? The Center. Now what is that?
It's a week-long intensive training program
that literally teaches you how to multiply your child's intelligence.
When we first went there, Ben, he could barely speak.
By the time we left, he was reciting The Raven.
What kind of classes do you have your daughter in now?
Oh.
None.
WOMAN 1: Not even a Mommy and Me?
No. WOMAN 2: Not Gymboree?
WOMAN 3: Not reading readiness?
Nothing! The child can't even hold a cup.
Ooh. The other babies are way ahead of her.
WOMAN 2: I thought I had problems.
MAN: Welcome to The Center for Brighter Babies.
The point here, moms and dads,
is to teach your children the facts of life.
Everything they see and hear can be stored and utilized.
Please allow no more than one second per information card.
You may begin.
ALL: Republic of Botswana.
President Kennedy.
Doorknob.
BMW.
Whoopi Goldberg.
J.C.: Look, I'm late for a meeting. Just let me out here.
I can run, okay?
'Cause you guys didn't come in.
I asked you for all the research that I needed on Thursday.
When was it? When did I... Oh!
Sorry. Whoa. Very sorry.
Where was I?
* Wondering if the dreams that I believed in
* Can still come true
* Caught in between, it comes back to
* You and me ever-changing times
* I gotta find me a better understanding
* Every day, keep forgetting what's mine
* Gotta find me a way less demanding
Tchaikovsky.
Great gray owl.
Shrimp sushi.
* All of our lives
* And I had some big ideas
* So much of my life still not completed
* Hopes and fears
* Watching them change into something new
(INAUDIBLE) * Wondering if I'm going to find the answer
* Loving you
* All of my life, it comes back to
* You and me are running out of time
* Gotta find me a better understanding
* Every day, keep forgetting what's mine
* Gotta find me a way less demanding
* And we're holding on so tight
* Together
* All of our lives
KEN: If we convince Larrabee that's a rational thing to do,
which it is, you know, he's gonna go for it.
Right. So you know what you do?
You put a shark repellent in the deal. Right.
Hey, you know what, Rog? Let me handle it, okay? Thank you.
Charlotte, can you get me Elise, ASAP? Thank you.
J.C., uh...
(CLEARING THROAT)
I thought you were taking the day off today.
What brings you back so early?
Fate, I think. Fate?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
We had a breakfast meeting in here this morning.
Oh, you did? Yeah. You have so much more room.
Big, isn't it? Yeah.
Hey, I'll be out in just a second.
Just, sorry. I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Ken, do you know anything about...
Oh, Fritz. Hello. Oh, you're here.
Listen, Larrabee's all over me about that target list.
Do you have any idea when it'll be ready?
Oh, I'm finishing it tonight
and I'm gonna have it on your desk first thing in the morning.
Yeah, okay. Well, J.C., actually,
I roughed out a draft of it
while you were at that baby thing.
Do you mind if I...
No. No, not at all.
It wasn't due until tomorrow,
but if you have it done, I think that's great.
Yeah. Oh, terrific.
Great, uh...
Great.
(INTERCOM BUZZES)
Hey. Ken, this is my office.
Yeah. All right?
Okay. Yeah.
J.C. Wiatt.
It's for you.
KEN: Oh, great. Thank you.
ELIZABETH: Mama!
Oh, I see.
You took your diaper off again, didn't you?
Huh, huh, huh?
(SNEEZES)
Oh, no. I hope you're not catching a cold again. Oh.
You want to sleep with me tonight?
No? I sure could use the company.
Um, Mary, would you have Robin see me as soon as she gets in?
Oh, she's already here. They had an early meeting.
Oh.
ROBIN: Thank you very much. Oh, Robin.
Um, I need the flash report in my office right away.
Uh, Ken said that we're going to pass on the flash report from now on.
Oh, no, no, no. Wait a minute, now.
Since when is Ken calling the shots around here?
Ken. KEN: Yeah.
I asked Robin for The Food Chain flash report
and apparently you've made a decision that I'm not aware of.
Well, we talked about this the other day. I mean, their figures...
Robin, will you excuse us for one moment, please? Sure.
(COUGHS) Thank you, Robin. Mmm-hmm.
Their figures are on track for the year.
You know? There aren't gonna be any surprises,
and we feel that it's counterproductive so...
The Food Chain is my account,
and I'm the person who's gonna decide what is or what is not counterproductive!
J.C., you're overreacting. I think you're taking this personally.
You bet I am. I'm your superior in this company,
and I will not be countermanded.
Okay, whatever. Don't walk away from me, you little pisher.
If it wasn't for me, you'd be selling shirts at Barney's, you know that?
FRITZ: J.C.?
Can I see you for a minute?
Of course.
I'm sorry. I know I went a little over the top,
but this guy's getting out of control.
I mean, I know he's inexperienced and I know he's young,
but I just can't use him on my team anymore.
Fritz, you're just gonna have to pawn him off on somebody else.
Well, it's not that easy.
Sure it is! Yes. You can give him to Joel or Ted.
They can use him, but I can't use him anymore. J.C.! J.C.!
I'm turning The Food Chain over to Ken.
No.
This account is too important for us to take any risks.
Wait a minute. I mean, I...
We have this account because of me!
Yeah, I know that, but you've changed, J.C.
I mean, you've lost your concentration.
I don't know. You've gone soft.
Fritz, a baby came into my life
and it's taken me a few weeks to adjust,
but I'm over the hump and I'm back.
Look, I need a solid team on this thing.
And Larrabee feels comfortable with Ken.
Oh, I think it's for the best.
I'm putting you on the Ferber dog chow account.
Oh. Oh, I see. I...
I thought that I was gonna be a partner.
(CHUCKLING) That's what I thought.
Well, maybe next year, after things have cooled down.
Uh-huh.
Ah, swallow your pride, J.C.
Ferber's is a low-profile account. You'll have more time to spend with the baby.
I told you, you can't have it all.
Nobody can. Not me, not anybody.
Look, I don't even know how many grandchildren I have, okay?
But I've got this company grossing 200 million a year!
Well, something has got to give!
You've been on the fast track a long time, kiddo.
It's okay to slow down. Nobody's keeping score.
Fritz, I can't go out there now
and say that I'm working on the Ferber dog chow account.
Well, I guess you're gonna have to do what you have to do.
Let's see...
Okay. Okay.
Hello?
Yes, um, I'm calling about the 62 acre Vermont estate.
I was wondering, is it still for sale?
Uh-huh.
Honey, you know that big car I bought yesterday?
Well, the reason I bought it
is because we're gonna go and live in the country.
Yes, we are. Here, look. See? See?
(MUMBLING) Yes. This is our house!
Can you believe it?
I just phoned the number and I bought it.
Honey, it's so exciting.
We actually own a house
with fruit orchards, a pond and a barn.
Oh, Elizabeth, it's going to be a whole new life for us.
Yep. I'm going to relax and sleep late.
Bake apple pies, get into quilts.
I can't wait!
We're gonna be just like the farmer in the dell.
Cow. Honey, look.
(IMITATING COW MOOING) Over there. Moo-cow.
(MUMBLING) Moo-cow.
New York plates.
Uh-oh.
(COOING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Hi. Hi. We're gonna go.
Yeah.
(INAUDIBLE)
(COW MOOING)
Oh!
Dang it!
(COW MOOS)
Isn't this just fabulous?
I'm gonna rest for just a second.
I'm just a little bit out of shape.
(PANTING) This isn't exactly the rowing machine.
Oh, no. The oars. Oh, no. Oh, God, I need those.
No, don't... Don't worry. Don't panic. I can handle this.
Everything's fine.
Help!
I think that should be enough for a pie.
Pie.
(COOING)
J.C.: And then the prince kissed Sleeping Beauty.
Then she woke up, and she looked into the prince's eyes.
And you know what she said? She said,
"Thank you for waking me, Prince,
"because you know what I did?
(COOING) "I overslept, and I have medical school today.
"And, you know, I'm going to be a very important doctor one day,
"like all women can be."
And then, you know what they did?
(SOFTLY) They made a date to meet each other
after her graduation.
And you know what?
It's a little bit chilly in here.
Let's go see what the radiator's doing.
It's cold in here, huh?
Huh? See, here we go. Here.
Oh, no!
Oh, no.
Them pipes is corroded, miss.
There's no way I can get this system going again.
(BIRD SQUEALING)
Oh, that's a bad break.
It's gonna be a mighty cold winter.
Yeah? How do you know?
(BIRDS FLAPPING) Well, you see them birds?
(STAMMERING) They're gully willows. Oh.
And when they're flapping their wings like that, means the big snow's coming.
Right. I better call the editor of the newspaper.
(CHUCKLES) Now wait, Mr. Boone.
Are you saying there's no way of saving this system?
Uh, yup.
Do you know how much it's gonna cost?
Uh, nope.
Uh-huh. Do you know the ballpark?
Well, we're talking somewhere in the neighborhood of $7,000, $8,000.
What? Are you sure?
Yup.
Uh, Mr. Boone, one more question.
Um, are you the only plumber in town?
Uh, yup.
(WIND HOWLING)
(INCOHERENT MUMBLING)
God!
(SPITTING)
(STAMMERING) So, uh...
How's the roof?
You've seen worse, right?
Uh, nope.
Come on. What are you saying? I need a whole new roof?
Uh, yup.
(PHONE RINGING)
J.C.: Hello?
Elise?
Oh, hi!
It's so good to hear your voice.
Oh, I'm fine.
Really, I've never been happier.
Um, right now?
Well, actually, I'm making baby applesauce.
No, it's not from jars.
No, it's from real apples.
I told you about my orchards, right?
Well, you see, I invented this recipe for Elizabeth,
and, you know, I mean, she really loves it,
and, well, it...
It gives me something to do while it snows.
(SIGHS)
So tell me, what's going on in New York?
Oh, hectic. Oh.
Right.
You did!
(EXCLAIMING) You mean you got the big corner office.
We're talking about the big, big one?
Oh, well. I mean, congratulations.
Oh, yeah.
You did?
It was, huh?
Well, yeah. Yeah, sounds like fun,
if you're into that New York kind of nightlife, sure.
Really? You did?
Oh.
Yeah. Where... Where did you meet him?
* I'll never
* Smile again
* Until I smile at you
* I'll never laugh again...
Give me Waterman in Atlantic Overseas.
(SIGHING)
(SIGHING) Pathetic.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: This is the Night Owl on WHDY, Hadleyville,
signing off and wishing you a pleasant tomorrow.
And it's gonna be a nice one, only 17 below.
Enjoy it.
(WATER SPURTING)
No!
BOONE: Uh-oh.
(STAMMERING) Your well's dried up.
Oh! Oh, God. That's good.
I thought it was something serious.
We can just fill it up because there's a hose right around back.
Do you know what I mean?
(LAUGHING)
Fill it... Fill it up?
What? (STAMMERING) Fill it up?
Lady, you're... You're out of water.
You're gonna have to tap into the county line...
(SIGHING) ...and that's three miles down the road.
Well, look, I am almost out of money, Mr. Boone.
I don't understand these technicalities.
Just tell me one thing, okay?
Is this going to be expensive?
Yup.
Well, do you know, like approximately how much this is gonna cost me?
Nope. Nope, right. Yeah.
Well, just guess!
(STAMMERING) $5,000, $6,000, maybe more.
Oh, well, that's just fine. That's it! I've had it!
I can't make it here, okay? Okay.
(GASPING) I mean, I am not...
I am not Paul Bunyan, all right?
I went to Harvard. I graduated at the top of my class. For what?
To spend my life fixing up this dilapidated shack?
Well, you can just forget it,
because I'm gonna get out of here.
You see? I need to work.
I need people. I need a social life.
I need sex!
(STAMMERING) Please! I'm a married man!
(CRYING) I'm gonna shrivel up and die here!
I mean, how much baby food
is a person supposed to be able to make in their lifetime?
I mean, I am a career woman.
I'm used to having phone lists and dinner meetings.
Do you know what I mean?
Uh, nope.
(SCREAMING)
I have been "yupped" and "noped" to death by you guys!
I have had it with whiskers and plaids!
Look at me. I am going nuts! I used to be cute!
I am not prepared for wells to run dry!
I just wanna turn on the faucet and have water.
I don't wanna know where it's coming from!
(SCREAMS) Another 6,000!
Oh!
(DOG BARKING)
DR. COOPER: Hi.
I'm Dr. Cooper.
You passed out, and Mr. Boone brought you here to my office.
Hi. You okay?
Yeah. Where's the baby?
Oh, she's fine. She's with my nurse.
J.C.: Oh. I fainted?
Yeah.
Really, I did?
Oh. I never fainted before, Doctor.
Is there any chance you might be expecting Mrs. Wiatt?
No. There's absolutely no chance of that, Doctor.
Zero chance of that. Less than zero.
Well, it's okay. You can talk about it, if you want.
No, I can't. Mmm-mmm.
(CRYING) I can't talk about it.
Wait. Hang on. Here, here.
(CRYING)
Well, don't get upset. It's okay.
Oh, Doctor.
You thought that I... You thought that I was pregnant?
Well... Fat chance.
But, you see, but that's not why I'm crying.
(SNIFFLING) You know, because...
I haven't had any...
I haven't had any, you know...
Sex. Hmm.
I just can't even hardly say the word.
And it's not like I was ever that into it, you know?
But when it's gone, and you have no prospects of it in the future,
it's very upsetting.
(SIGHING) I...
I hope you don't mind my talking to you like this at all.
No, no, no. Just... Just relax. No?
I don't know how to relax.
It's not in my nature.
You know, I mean, I moved here, um,
from New York, foolishly thinking that the country
was gonna be good for me, right?
I thought that I needed to slow down.
I wanted to...
(CRYING) I wanted to... Um...
I wanted to think and I wanted to put things into perspective,
but now I just wanna go home, Doctor. I'm broke.
I have nothing but this 200-year-old house that I hate.
I just...
(MUMBLING)
I'm so...
I'm so lonely, Doctor.
I'm so lonely! It's okay.
(HORSE NEIGHING)
Uh, what is that? What's that?
(STAMMERS) That's my next patient.
What do you mean? I'm a vet.
(HORSE NEIGHING) Hi, Joe.
You're a what? Hi, Doc.
I'm a veterinarian.
I'm spilling my guts out to a vet?
I'm lying on a vet's table telling you about my sex life?
Well, what do I have, horse hair on me anyway?
I thought you knew. Based on what?
What? You're wearing a white jacket. You look like a real doctor.
You've got diplomas and a stethoscope.
(HORSE SNIFFLING)
Relax, I wasn't gonna put you to sleep.
Oh, what is that supposed to be? Vet humor or something?
Look, Dr. Cooper, I think it's highly unethical of you
to allow an obviously emotionally unglued woman
to sit here and think that you're a real doctor!
I mean, I think I should report you to the AMA.
Or the AVA. Or the VMA.
(SCREAMS) Or whatever.
(HORSE SNORTING)
Oh! Now look, may I please have my coat
before your next patient eats it?
(SIGHS) Right.
I am putting the house up for sale. Here. Here you are.
I am moving back to civilization.
I'm gonna get myself a nice little apartment,
watch HBO and have a real life again.
(SQUEALS)
(SCREAMS)
(SIGHS) Oh!
(DOOR CLOSES)
MAN: Reckon she'll be able to sell the place?
Not likely. Place was for sale for five years.
She was their only nibble.
Five years and I was the only nibble?
Meg, this is no good. I mean, if I can't sell the house,
I can't afford to move back to New York.
(ELIZABETH COOS) I know, honey.
Well, we'll do the best we can.
No. Five years. You say five years, and I'm the only nibble?
(SIGHS)
They're almost too pretty to eat.
I know. I got carried away during the last storm.
The twins loved the last batch.
And them kids don't eat nothing out of a jar.
Oh, is that... Oh!
(CLEARING THROAT) What?
Oh, dear. I got some... This aspirin is stuck in my throat.
Could I... Could I have just a little piece of bread
or something? Oh yeah. Certainly.
(GRUNTS) Oh, my God!
You should try this. (GRUNTS) Oh.
(CLEARS THROAT) Oh.
If I could just...
Excuse me. Hmm?
Are you feeling all right?
I heard about your collapse over at the town meeting.
Dr. Cooper's nurse is also our mayor, you know?
No, I didn't know that. Really?
So, I'm the talk of the town, huh?
Well, so to speak.
Well, that's very comforting to hear.
Let me tell you. Listen, um, Sam,
I could use a few things. Mmm-hmm.
I need a half gallon of milk,
two bottles of apple juice,
a box of Hamburger Helper
and two dozen cans of that kerosene.
Yeah, I'm working on a small project at home.
(DOOR BELL JINGLES)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
I wanna get back to the pottery place before it closes.
Isn't this place cute?
The whole state is cute.
Phil, did you lock the car? The video camera is in there.
Yes, honey. I locked it. I locked it.
Hey, do we have enough maple syrup or should we get more?
Better get a couple more.
Oh, honey, look at these for Lindsay.
Those are great. Isn't that adorable?
Oh, look at this.
Does this look good on me?
Well, what are you going for?
I don't know. Turtleneck, Sundays reading the paper.
What? No good?
Well, they're $12!
You don't need a $12 shirt. Get a Ralph Lauren.
Gail! Look at this!
Gourmet baby food!
I've never seen this before!
Fabulous idea! How much are they?
Oh, they're $3.50 a jar. Cheap!
Well, $4.50, I mean they're $5.50. They're $5.50 a jar.
Oh, great packaging concept! Really.
This is very unique.
That means the way it's designed.
Oh, really! Isn't that something? You learn something new every day, don't you?
We'll take a dozen. And how are you?
You cute little country baby!
We'll take a dozen, too.
I can't believe nobody's come up with this before.
Gourmet baby food! Fabulous idea.
(GASPS) Great Christmas gift! It is.
(EXCLAIMS) Great.
Well, God, it's the greatest Christmas present. Uh, it is.
Yeah. Honey, maybe we ought to even get more.
We should. We, too.
Yeah.
I'd like to see everything you have on baby boomers,
new consumerism, baby food manufacturers.
Also recent issues of Progressive Grocer and American Demographics.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, look, I know we saw each other,
so it'd be kind of stupid for me to ignore you, right? Oh.
No. No, really. It wouldn't. Go ahead, please. Ignore me.
You have my permission.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
There's something about you that's kind of hard to ignore, you know.
(CHUCKLING)
Uh-huh.
What are you doing here anyway?
Well, I'm just doing a little bit of research.
Oh.
Oh, can I help you? No, no, you can't.
Really. You cannot.
What are you doing here? I thought you were a vet.
Hi, Dr. Cooper. Hi, Stacey.
No, I teach a class here once a week.
Uh, aren't you supposed to be headed back to civilization?
Oh, I'm working on it. Believe me.
What?
Uh, nothing, I was just wondering
if maybe you wanted to go have a cup of coffee.
I don't drink coffee.
Okay... Anyway, I thought that you asked in a way
that just sort of sounded to me like you weren't even asking,
so I just think, you know, "Forget it." Just forget...
(MUTTERING SOFTLY)
I can't believe this.
Um, are you this nervous around all men,
or is it just me?
(CLEARS THROAT)
(MUMBLING)
(THUDDING)
Oh, no.
"Place the jack tongue..."
Oh, God.
(CAR APPROACHING) "...in the slot in the bumper."
Okay. Okay.
All right. I've got this bumper.
I'm positioning this tongue in this slot.
(METALLIC CLANKING)
Oh.
(GRUNTS)
You need some help?
Everything is under control. Thank you very much.
Here, here. Let me... No, I've got it. I've got it fine.
It's gotta go in the slot.
Oh. There you go.
Yes, I guess I'm just...
I guess I'm just not used to this kind of jack, that's all.
Right.
(GRUNTING)
You know, uh,
you kind of remind me of a bull terrier sometimes.
Yeah. I bet you say that to all the girls.
You do. I mean, you're feisty and quarrelsome
(CHUCKLING) and hard to get along with.
You know, even a bull terrier, once they warm up to you, they...
(PANTING) They what?
They bring you your slippers?
There. You got it.
Now, I'm just going to loosen the lug nuts.
These are... The lug nuts are right there.
Oh, yeah. I knew that.
Look, is there something I've done to you that I don't know about?
Right. Right.
You don't know that I've been completely humiliated?
Why? Because you told me you hadn't had sex for over a year?
It has not been over a year.
Where did you hear it was over a year? At the town meeting?
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm... I'm not ashamed.
I just really choose not to talk about this any further.
There!
If a man knows your frailties,
it doesn't necessarily mean that he's your enemy, you know.
I mean, I like frailties. I like women.
So, you're under control here? Yes, I'm fine.
You know, you and me are probably the only two people under 60
in the whole of Hadleyville County,
so we might as well make the best of it.
Look, I appreciate you taking the time to chat,
but I'm really not in the mood for idle conversation.
So, if it should happen again, I think we should both
gracefully try to ignore each other.
'Cause I'm not one of your little students
who's gonna faint every time you say "hello."
I am a tough, cold career woman
who has absolutely nothing in common
with a veterinarian from Hadleyville.
I have only one thing on my mind at this point in my life,
and that is to get out of this moth-eaten town.
And nothing here, including you, Dr. Charm,
holds any interest for me whatsoever.
So what do you think about that?
See you around.
(PANTING)
Wow.
(INAUDIBLE)
We don't sell baby food.
That's perfectly fine, because this is unlike
any baby food you've ever tasted.
It's all natural. It's homemade.
We don't sell baby food.
Right.
(INAUDIBLE)
J.C.: Now, ladies, I'm telling you honestly.
Trust me. You can trust me. I swear to you.
(WOMEN CHUCKLING) This is the greatest stuff ever.
Honest. Really. Were you gonna try it?
Look. I'm gonna show you something now you're not going to believe.
Here you go. Here you go. Here you go.
You want this? You wanna take it?
Put it in your mouth. Are you going to...
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
(EXCLAIMING)
I like it! I love it.
(INAUDIBLE)
So, now let me get this straight.
You want the Country Baby peas, peas and carrots, the corn and the bananas?
Oh, and listen, why don't I send you our catalogue?
Great. Super. Okay. Bye.
J.C.: Elizabeth, that's great!
Morning, J.C. Morning!
We'll send that right over, Mayor.
Thanks, Mary. I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh, excuse me, Mayor? Aren't you Dr. Cooper's nurse?
Yes, I am. Oh, how are you feeling?
Oh, I'm fine. How's Dr. Cooper?
Oh, he's fine.
Oh, good. I'm glad to hear that.
You know, I was thinking about him the other day,
and it's just very good to hear that he's pretty fine.
Well, he had a pretty bad cold, but he's much better now.
Oh. Just has a bit of a cough.
Well, tell him I said "hi." No, forget it. Never mind.
(COUGHS) He'll just think...
Oh, my goodness. Well...
(CHUCKLING) See you later, Doctor.
(CHUCKLES) Hi.
Oh, are you taking something for that, uh...
Oh, yeah, I think I've got it under control.
(CHUCKLES) That's good. I'm glad to hear that.
(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah.
So, I hear your... So?
...business is really taking off.
Isn't that something? It's unbelievable.
Yeah. We have our products in a catalogue.
Do you? Yes, and I'm doing very good.
(CHUCKLES) That's good. Yeah.
Are you still moving back to New York?
Oh, yeah. First chance I get.
Hmm.
Huh. Huh.
Um, yeah...
Well, it's good to see you.
Oh, isn't that something?
(CHUCKLING) It's good to see you, too.
Take care. Um, yeah.
Yeah. Take care.
(CHUCKLING)
J.C.: There it goes! MAN: Look at that.
Yeah, you're big time now. Great! It looks good! I love it!
(INAUDIBLE)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
J.C. J.C., hi.
Oh, hi. How are you?
I'm good. I'm good. This is Ben.
I knew it was Ben. I knew it. Yeah.
Hi, Annie. Hi.
You see Elizabeth? Doesn't she look cute tonight?
You wanna dance, huh?
Hello. And how are you?
Oh, Emily, hello. How are you?
Hi.
I didn't know you were a music aficionado.
Oh. No, I never miss a concert my plumber plays in.
Oh, he's pretty good, isn't he?
Yeah, he's very good. Yeah.
Oh, so this is the famous "Country Baby" baby?
I know. What do you think? This is Elizabeth.
Hi. (CHUCKLING) Hi. Hi.
(MUMBLING)
I know.
Well, you look good.
Thanks. So do you.
Um, I like your shirt.
Do you? Yes.
Listen, you want to know how... You don't drink coffee, do you?
Oh, but I drink lots of other things. You do?
Yeah, 7UP and root beer, iced tea and water.
You do? I drink punch.
Punch!
Well, let's have some punch.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(GASPS) Oh! It spilled.
Oh, no.
(INAUDIBLE)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
We're gonna slow things down now a bit, folks.
So if you wanna take hold of your favorite partner,
now would be a good time.
One, two, three.
* Pennies in a stream
* Falling leaves, a sycamore
* Moonlight in Vermont...
(LAUGHING) Do you wanna dance?
Would you like to dance? Oh, I would.
I'd love to dance. You would?
I don't exactly know what I'm gonna do with chatterbox...
I'll hold her. I'll hold her. Will you really? Thanks.
(COOING) Okay, I'll be back. I'll be back.
Oh, quick. Okay.
Oh, by the way, I...
I don't really slow dance all that well.
So, you gonna still do this?
DR. COOPER: Come on. Come on. Let's give it a whirl.
(INAUDIBLE)
(SLOW JAZZ CONTINUES PLAYING)
Hey. Is she asleep?
Oh, yeah. She's really out.
Um, I think I have a bottle of wine in here somewhere.
You do? Yeah.
A short house. (LAUGHING) Oh.
It's in the refrigerator.
(SNAPS FINGERS) Oh, you know, um, I know what.
I'm...
I'm going to get us some glasses.
(BOTH CHUCKLING) Okay.
Hey, you've stocked up, huh?
Oh, I know. I'm...
I'm always experimenting with new recipes.
I wonder if maybe I could interest you
in something like I don't know,
some strained zucchini, huh?
Hmm. Maybe later.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is it.
Here it is. Here.
(CHUCKLING)
No?
No? No. Oh, no, no.
No.
Yes? Yeah...
No, it's... Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
Are you... I mean, you're not getting cold, are you?
Mmm-mmm.
You know something? Hmm?
Do you remember that night at the library when you asked me
if all men made me nervous, or if it was just you?
Yeah.
You know what my answer is?
(CHUCKLING) What?
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
I think that all men make me nervous.
Yeah.
(SIGHS) Except you.
(SIGHING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DUCKS QUACKING)
(J.C. HUMMING)
(SIGHS)
* In the wintertime
* Moonlight
* In Vermont
* Oh, people...
* Are so entranced...
(LAUGHING)
Oh.
(DR. COOPER WHISTLING)
(YAWNING) Hi.
Hi. You tired? Hi.
Well, I usually require more than 20 minutes sleep a night.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
Hi.
ELIZABETH: Daddy!
(GASPS) What are you doing up? Da-da?
(LAUGHING) No, no, honey.
No, this... This is not da-da.
No. I think she's at that age
where she confuses "man" with "da-da."
Mmm.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, okay, let's look here.
Honey, I'll pick up the phone.
Hello.
Fritz!
(EXCLAIMS) Well...
Well, hello! Hi.
Well, I'm fine. How are you?
Oh, well, thank you! Thanks!
Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot.
They do?
Really?
They are? Well...
Well, yes, of course I would love to talk to 'em.
Um...
Absolutely. Sure. That would be great! I...
This afternoon would be fine, just fine.
Okay, Fritz, okay.
(CHUCKLING) Okay. Bye-bye.
(EXCLAIMING)
The Food Chain wants to buy Country Baby.
Is it for sale?
Well, I don't know! I...
I don't know, but the thought of going back to New York
as a hit is... Wow!
I mean, we're talking major big.
Big, you know?
Hmm.
Well, so, I guess this means you won't be free
for bingo tonight down at the fire station?
Um, can I call you later?
Sure. I'll be here.
(PHONE RINGING)
Sloane, Curtis and Co., will you hold, please?
May I help you?
(EXCLAIMS) Miss Wiatt! Hi.
You look wonderful!
Oh, well, thank you very much.
Would you tell Mr. Curtis that I'm here?
They're all waiting for you in the conference room.
Oh, good. Okay.
Miss Wiatt's on the way.
(SIGHING)
WOMAN: Hi. Hello.
HELEN: Hello, Miss Wiatt. Hello, Helen.
J.C., good to see you. Thank you.
Where's the little one? Oh, she's at home.
Oh, too bad.
Come on in! We're all waiting.
Thank you.
You remember Hughes Larrabee.
Oh, Hughes. Well, thank you for coming.
(CHUCKLING) Good to see you. And Fritz.
J.C., welcome back. Thanks.
Shall we?
You look terrific!
First of all, J.C., on behalf of all of us,
I want to congratulate you on a great, great success.
Thank you.
Usually in a meeting of this nature
we have to take the client by the hand
and lead him through the negotiations,
but in this case,
we know we're dealing with a savvy business woman.
Mmm-hmm. So we'll cut through the proverbial crap
and get right to the nitty-gritty.
(PEOPLE LAUGH) Hughes.
As Fritz told you,
The Food Chain is interested in acquiring Country Baby.
You've discovered an untapped market in the food business,
which is something we all know is a pretty tough thing to do.
However, we truly feel
that you've taken this thing just about as far as you can.
You're working with an inexperienced staff
in a factory too small for your product load.
You're burdened with a severely handicapped distribution apparatus.
What we'd like to do, we'd like to help you change all of that.
We'd like to see Country Baby on every supermarket shelf in America.
Mmm-hmm. FRITZ: J.C., we all realize
that you may still be harboring some ill will.
In fact, Hughes suggested that we even consider
bowing out of these negotiations,
but I assured him that you were a big girl now,
and that what happened between us is strictly water under the bridge.
Oh, well, it's water under the bridge
depending on how good your offer is.
(ALL LAUGHING)
I told you she'd play hardball.
(LAUGHING) I learned it from you, Fritz.
(ALL LAUGHING)
FRITZ: Well, thanks.
J.C., shall we look at the proposal now?
(CHUCKLING)
The Food Chain will acquire Country Baby, Inc.
for $3 million, cash.
Mmm-hmm. HUGHES: In order to take
some of the day-to-day responsibilities off your shoulders,
we'd like to move your base of operation to Cleveland,
so that our people could oversee production.
Country Baby homemade in Cleveland?
I don't think so.
(J.C. TAPPING LEGS)
That point is negotiable.
Naturally, we'd like to retain your services
as chief operating officer,
with a base salary of $350,000 a year,
with a bonus tied in to the company's earnings
of up to 150 percent of your salary,
which means, young lady, that if the Country Baby performs as expected,
you're looking at close to $1 million a year in salary alone.
What is that banging?
Paragraph four.
The Food Chain will purchase an apartment for you of your choice.
Naturally, there are various perks,
six-week vacation, golden parachute clause, pension plan,
and, of course, use of the company jet.
(SIGHING)
That's it? That's it.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Um...
Well, Hughes, would you mind
if I take a few minutes to think this over?
No, I wouldn't mind at all, please. Not at all.
Oh, thank you.
Um, oh, save my seat.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
I think it's in the bag.
Hope. Hope so. Fine. Fine.
What do you think? Time for the champagne, gentlemen?
I'm back.
(LAUGHS) I'm back!
(SIGHS)
Yeah, I'm back.
(SNAPS FINGERS) That's right.
Oh, uh, sit down, please.
(SIGHS)
I think I'm gonna have to pass.
Excuse me?
My answer is "no."
(CHUCKLES) Well, which part no?
No $350,000 base? No bonus tie-in?
No to all of it, Fritz. Country Baby's not for sale.
But this is a world-class deal.
It'll make you richer than you ever dreamed!
I'm sorry, Fritz.
I think I'm gonna have to stay right where I am.
Perhaps all that's happened between us
isn't water under the bridge.
Well, no. Maybe it isn't.
(SIGHS) I mean, I was...
I was very excited about this offer,
but, you know, I don't think I really thought
about what it meant, and you see,
I'm not The Tiger Lady anymore.
I mean, I have a crib in my office,
and there's a mobile over my desk,
and I really like that.
I mean, Fritz, do you remember that night
when you told me about the things that I was gonna have to give up
and the sacrifices that I was gonna have to make?
Well, I don't wanna make those sacrifices.
And the bottom line is nobody should have to.
(SIGHS) No.
I don't think this is gonna work out,
and I'll be honest with you,
I think I'm doing pretty good on my own.
To be quite frank, if The Food Chain
can put Country Baby on every supermarket shelf in America,
so can I.
I'm sorry.
I just think the rat race is gonna have to survive with one less rat.
And anyway,
I really think I'd miss my 62 acres in Vermont.
I mean, Elizabeth is so happy there, and...
(SIGHS)
(CHUCKLING)
And, well, you see, there's this...
This veterinarian that I'm seeing.
What's she saying? She's a vegetarian?
Do you realize what you're giving up?
Yup.
There's nothing we can do to change your mind?
Mmm, nope.
Hi. Is the doctor in? Hi.
Sure, honey. Go on in.
Hi. Hi, boy.
(WHIMPERING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hi. You're back?
(CHUCKLING) I am back.
Well, how did it go?
Oh, I don't... It just wasn't that great a deal for me.
No? It didn't pan out? No.
(CLICKS TONGUE) No.
It's too bad. Yeah, it's too bad.
Does this mean you're gonna be... What?
...hanging around Hadleyville? Yeah.
It does? Mmm-hmm.
So, what do you think? If you're free tonight,
maybe you'd like to come over. Maybe we could, you know,
watch the farm report on TV? Sure.
Yeah?
I gotta get to bed kind of early, though.
You do?
Oh. Well, that's no problem.
(WHISPERING) Oh, hi. Shh. Shh. Where is she?
(MOUTHING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Elizabeth.
Mama!
Hello. Hello.
What did you do today? What did you do? What did you do?
Did you play? Did you see your friends?
Did you? Were you a good girl?
(EXCLAIMING) See the flowers?
(INAUDIBLE)