1 00:01:38,242 --> 00:01:40,536 I told you to stay off the boardwalk. 2 00:01:45,999 --> 00:01:47,584 Okay, boys, let's go. 3 00:01:56,844 --> 00:01:59,513 You, too, off the boardwalk. 4 00:03:17,966 --> 00:03:19,051 Keep going. 5 00:03:19,134 --> 00:03:20,886 Hey, I liked that song. 6 00:03:21,386 --> 00:03:22,846 Keep going, Mom. 7 00:03:23,597 --> 00:03:24,890 - How about this? - Hang on. 8 00:03:24,973 --> 00:03:27,476 I don't see any bogeymen or nasty guys. 9 00:03:30,771 --> 00:03:33,440 Keep going. You want to switch the band? 10 00:03:46,078 --> 00:03:49,122 - Keep going! - Wait. That's from my era! 11 00:03:57,506 --> 00:03:59,049 We're almost there. 12 00:03:59,216 --> 00:04:00,926 What's that smell? 13 00:04:01,176 --> 00:04:02,886 That's the ocean air. 14 00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:04,763 Smells like someone died. 15 00:04:06,098 --> 00:04:08,058 Guys, I know the last year hasn't been easy, but... 16 00:04:08,141 --> 00:04:11,645 ...I think you're really going to like living in Santa Carla. 17 00:04:54,146 --> 00:04:56,314 There's an amusement park right on the beach. 18 00:04:56,398 --> 00:04:59,067 Sam, tell those kids to get something to eat. 19 00:05:00,068 --> 00:05:01,194 Any jobs around here? 20 00:05:01,278 --> 00:05:02,779 Nothing legal. 21 00:06:35,705 --> 00:06:37,165 Come on, Nanook. 22 00:06:58,895 --> 00:06:59,896 Dad? 23 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:01,856 Dad? 24 00:07:02,273 --> 00:07:03,441 Looks like he's dead. 25 00:07:03,525 --> 00:07:05,443 No, he's just a deep sleeper. 26 00:07:05,652 --> 00:07:08,154 If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix? 27 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,198 Playing dead... 28 00:07:10,281 --> 00:07:13,618 ...and from what I heard, doing a damn good job of it, too. 29 00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:24,587 This is a pretty cool place. 30 00:07:24,671 --> 00:07:26,798 For The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 31 00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,883 Come on, Sam, give Mom a break. 32 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,302 What's wrong with this picture? 33 00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:35,557 There's no TV. Have you seen a TV? I haven't seen a TV. 34 00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:38,768 You know what it means when there's no TV? No MTV. 35 00:07:38,852 --> 00:07:40,854 Sammy, we are flat broke. 36 00:07:44,441 --> 00:07:47,068 Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew... 37 00:07:47,152 --> 00:07:50,363 ...who didn't improve her situation by getting divorced. 38 00:07:50,822 --> 00:07:52,031 I know. 39 00:07:53,032 --> 00:07:56,744 But a big legal war wasn't going to improve anybody's situation. 40 00:07:57,579 --> 00:07:59,789 We've all been through enough. 41 00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:02,834 Anyway, I was raised better than that. 42 00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,794 Ouch, my hair. 43 00:08:07,297 --> 00:08:09,007 Mom, you gotta help me. 44 00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:13,136 Hey, guys, no running in the house! 45 00:08:21,436 --> 00:08:23,938 Talk about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 46 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:26,774 Rules! 47 00:08:27,275 --> 00:08:30,111 We've got some rules around here. 48 00:08:30,612 --> 00:08:32,655 Second shelf is mine. 49 00:08:32,739 --> 00:08:36,784 That's where I keep my root beers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. 50 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,038 Nobody touches the second shelf, but me. 51 00:08:41,664 --> 00:08:44,709 There's another rule around here, and I want you to pay close attention. 52 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,794 Don't touch anything. 53 00:08:47,170 --> 00:08:48,880 Everything is exactly where I want it. 54 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:49,964 Grandpa... 55 00:08:50,048 --> 00:08:53,718 ...is it true that Santa Carla's the murder capital of the world? 56 00:08:54,219 --> 00:08:56,346 There are some bad elements around here. 57 00:08:56,429 --> 00:08:58,056 Wait, let me get this straight. 58 00:08:58,139 --> 00:09:00,850 You're telling me we've moved to the murder capital of the world? 59 00:09:00,934 --> 00:09:02,268 Are you serious, Grandpa? 60 00:09:02,352 --> 00:09:04,062 Well, let me put it this way. 61 00:09:04,145 --> 00:09:08,066 If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once... 62 00:09:08,149 --> 00:09:10,860 ...we'd have one hell of a population problem. 63 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,529 Great, Dad. 64 00:09:13,696 --> 00:09:15,365 Now, on Wednesdays... 65 00:09:15,448 --> 00:09:17,909 ...when the mailman brings the TV Guide... 66 00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:21,287 ...sometimes the address label is curled up just a little. 67 00:09:21,454 --> 00:09:23,957 You'll be tempted to tear it off. Don't. 68 00:09:24,499 --> 00:09:27,961 You'll only wind up rippin' the cover and I don't like that. 69 00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:29,671 And stay outta here. 70 00:09:31,089 --> 00:09:32,590 - You have a TV? - No. 71 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,009 I just like to read the TV Guide. 72 00:09:35,218 --> 00:09:38,054 If you read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV. 73 00:11:53,481 --> 00:11:55,149 I can't find my mom. 74 00:11:57,193 --> 00:11:58,653 What's the matter? 75 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,157 Are you lost? 76 00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:13,751 Let's ask in here. 77 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,962 Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us. 78 00:12:16,045 --> 00:12:19,298 This boy is lost and we're wondering if his mother might be in here. 79 00:12:19,382 --> 00:12:20,883 I don't really know. 80 00:12:22,885 --> 00:12:24,345 I was so worried! 81 00:12:25,096 --> 00:12:26,389 Don't run off like that. 82 00:12:26,472 --> 00:12:27,431 There you are. 83 00:12:27,515 --> 00:12:28,766 Thank you. 84 00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,268 Bye, Terry. 85 00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:33,354 We only come here to watch one thing. 86 00:12:35,314 --> 00:12:36,357 Well done. 87 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,566 No, thanks. 88 00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:39,986 Well, on second thought... 89 00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:43,739 I told you not to come in here anymore. 90 00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:55,042 Wild kids. 91 00:12:55,251 --> 00:12:58,379 Oh, they're just young. We were that age, too, once. 92 00:13:02,383 --> 00:13:04,427 Only they dress better. Bye-bye. 93 00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:07,555 You have a generous nature. I like that in a person. 94 00:13:08,347 --> 00:13:10,099 - My name is Max. - I'm Lucy. 95 00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:13,811 - That's my dog, Thorn. - Hi, Thorn. 96 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:14,979 Say "hello," Thorn. 97 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,939 So how may I help you this evening? 98 00:13:17,023 --> 00:13:18,065 We have it all. 99 00:13:18,149 --> 00:13:20,317 The best selection of video tapes in Santa Carla. 100 00:13:20,401 --> 00:13:23,029 No, I'm not looking for a tape. 101 00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:24,947 What I need is... 102 00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,282 A job? 103 00:13:26,532 --> 00:13:27,575 ...a job. 104 00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:29,744 Yeah. I look that needy, huh? 105 00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,545 - Where are we going? - Nowhere. 106 00:13:39,670 --> 00:13:41,172 So what's the rush? 107 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,174 You're chasing that girl, aren't you? 108 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,509 Come on, admit it. You're chasing her. 109 00:13:45,593 --> 00:13:47,511 I'm at the mercy of your sex glands. 110 00:13:47,595 --> 00:13:51,515 Don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night? 111 00:13:53,517 --> 00:13:55,102 Actually, I do. 112 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,766 Got a problem guys? 113 00:14:34,016 --> 00:14:36,727 Just scoping your civilian wardrobe. 114 00:14:36,936 --> 00:14:38,395 Pretty cool, huh? 115 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,606 For a fashion victim. 116 00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:44,109 If you're looking for the diet frozen-yogurt bar... 117 00:14:44,193 --> 00:14:46,403 ...it went out of business last summer. 118 00:14:46,487 --> 00:14:49,198 Actually, I'm looking for Batman, no. 14. 119 00:14:49,365 --> 00:14:50,908 That's a very serious book, man. 120 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,535 Only five in existence. 121 00:14:52,618 --> 00:14:53,953 Four, actually. 122 00:14:54,537 --> 00:14:57,164 I'm always lookin' out for the other three. 123 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:02,461 You can't put the Superman, no. 77 with the 200s. 124 00:15:02,670 --> 00:15:04,713 They haven't even discovered red kryptonite yet. 125 00:15:04,797 --> 00:15:08,509 And you can't put the no. 98 with the 300s. 126 00:15:08,759 --> 00:15:11,303 Lori Lemaris hasn't even been introduced. 127 00:15:11,428 --> 00:15:13,556 Where the hell are you from? Krypton? 128 00:15:13,639 --> 00:15:15,140 Phoenix, actually. 129 00:15:15,224 --> 00:15:17,434 But, lucky me, we moved... 130 00:15:18,519 --> 00:15:19,520 ...here. 131 00:15:24,149 --> 00:15:25,276 Take this. 132 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,405 I don't like horror comics. 133 00:15:29,488 --> 00:15:31,657 You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix. 134 00:15:32,408 --> 00:15:34,118 It could save your life. 135 00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:18,620 Come on, she stiffed ya. 136 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,106 - What was that? - What was what? 137 00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:48,692 - I thought I heard something. - Forget it. 138 00:17:10,756 --> 00:17:13,217 - How do you like that baby? - It's a beauty. 139 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,885 Come on, let's get in. 140 00:17:15,928 --> 00:17:17,679 Can I drive on the way back? 141 00:17:17,763 --> 00:17:20,766 Fat chance. Nobody drives this baby, but me. 142 00:17:32,945 --> 00:17:34,988 We have to let it warm up a little. 143 00:17:35,072 --> 00:17:38,158 Hear that sound? Just like a baby pussycat. 144 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,703 Okay, let's go to town. 145 00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,002 Are we having fun, or what? 146 00:17:49,086 --> 00:17:50,754 I thought we were going to town. 147 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,674 That's as close to town as I like to get. 148 00:17:53,882 --> 00:17:55,384 Total weirdo, man. 149 00:18:17,114 --> 00:18:20,784 Noticed anything unusual about Santa Carla yet? 150 00:18:20,909 --> 00:18:22,828 No, it's a pretty cool place. 151 00:18:24,121 --> 00:18:26,415 - If you're a Martian. - Or a vampire. 152 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:30,002 Are you sniffing old newsprint or something? 153 00:18:30,085 --> 00:18:32,504 You think you really know what's happening here. 154 00:18:32,588 --> 00:18:35,924 Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know shit, buddy. 155 00:18:36,633 --> 00:18:39,595 You think we just work in a comic bookstore for our folks? 156 00:18:39,678 --> 00:18:41,722 Actually, I thought it was a bakery. 157 00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:43,557 This is just our cover. 158 00:18:44,266 --> 00:18:46,727 We're dedicated to a higher purpose. 159 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,979 We're fighters for "Truth... 160 00:18:49,521 --> 00:18:52,232 "... Justice, and the American way. " 161 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,026 All right. 162 00:18:58,155 --> 00:18:59,281 Read this. 163 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:02,576 I told you I don't like horror comics. 164 00:19:02,826 --> 00:19:05,329 Think of it more as a survival manual. 165 00:19:05,871 --> 00:19:07,664 There's our number on the back... 166 00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:10,208 ...and pray you never need to call us. 167 00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:12,669 I'll pray... 168 00:19:13,462 --> 00:19:15,339 ...I never need to call you. 169 00:19:15,839 --> 00:19:16,840 Sure. 170 00:19:28,894 --> 00:19:31,521 It look's great. Definitely. Enjoy it. 171 00:19:32,314 --> 00:19:33,315 Thanks. 172 00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:41,990 Excuse me. 173 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:44,910 It won't hurt. 174 00:19:48,872 --> 00:19:50,332 It's a rip-off. 175 00:19:54,669 --> 00:19:55,670 Hi. 176 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,508 If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it. 177 00:20:00,717 --> 00:20:02,385 What's your name? 178 00:20:02,803 --> 00:20:03,678 Star. 179 00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:05,555 Oh, your folks, too, huh? 180 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,058 - What do you mean? - Ex-hippies. 181 00:20:08,183 --> 00:20:11,478 I came this close to being called Moon Beam or Moon Child. 182 00:20:11,728 --> 00:20:13,438 Or something like that. 183 00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:16,858 But Star's great. I like Star. 184 00:20:17,234 --> 00:20:18,401 Me, too. 185 00:20:19,402 --> 00:20:20,612 I'm Michael. 186 00:20:21,029 --> 00:20:23,490 Michael's great. I like Michael. 187 00:20:25,951 --> 00:20:27,911 Want to get something to eat? 188 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:29,162 Okay. 189 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,841 Where are you going, Star? 190 00:20:41,299 --> 00:20:43,510 For a ride. This is Michael. 191 00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:46,137 Let's go. 192 00:20:46,221 --> 00:20:47,264 Star? 193 00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:06,408 You know where Hudson's Bluff is, overlooking the point? 194 00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:08,869 I can't beat your bike. 195 00:21:08,952 --> 00:21:11,121 You don't have to beat me, Michael. 196 00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:13,373 You just have to try and keep up. 197 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:17,252 We're going for a ride. 198 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,343 Come on! 199 00:22:59,270 --> 00:23:00,980 Come on, Michael! 200 00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:22,335 - What the hell are you doing? - No! 201 00:23:24,838 --> 00:23:26,506 Just you! Come on! 202 00:23:27,006 --> 00:23:28,299 Just you! 203 00:23:30,343 --> 00:23:32,178 Come on, just you. 204 00:23:34,264 --> 00:23:36,683 How far are you willing to go, Michael? 205 00:23:51,155 --> 00:23:53,533 Hit the rock box, buddy. 206 00:24:01,583 --> 00:24:02,959 Not bad, huh? 207 00:24:04,127 --> 00:24:07,672 This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla about 85 years ago. 208 00:24:08,298 --> 00:24:10,550 Too bad they built it on a fault. 209 00:24:11,426 --> 00:24:13,386 In 1906... 210 00:24:14,053 --> 00:24:16,556 ...when the big one hit San Francisco... 211 00:24:16,973 --> 00:24:20,101 ...the ground opened up, and this place took a header... 212 00:24:20,184 --> 00:24:21,895 ...right into the crack. 213 00:24:25,106 --> 00:24:26,232 Now it's ours. 214 00:24:26,316 --> 00:24:28,359 So, check it out, Mikey. 215 00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:30,403 Marko... 216 00:24:31,112 --> 00:24:32,155 Food. 217 00:24:33,823 --> 00:24:36,117 That's what I love about this place. 218 00:24:36,367 --> 00:24:38,119 You ask, and then you get. 219 00:24:42,915 --> 00:24:44,709 Appetizer? 220 00:24:49,297 --> 00:24:51,257 You'll like it here, Michael. 221 00:24:54,802 --> 00:24:56,554 Ten o'clock. Lights out. 222 00:24:57,055 --> 00:24:58,556 Did you brush your teeth? 223 00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,974 Okay, 'night, sweetheart. 224 00:25:00,058 --> 00:25:01,142 Mom? 225 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:05,647 Sorry. 226 00:25:06,981 --> 00:25:09,609 I can never sleep with the closet door open, either. 227 00:25:09,692 --> 00:25:11,194 Not even a crack. 228 00:25:11,861 --> 00:25:15,615 Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit, but I think that... 229 00:25:16,866 --> 00:25:19,452 ...one of the reasons I divorced your father... 230 00:25:19,535 --> 00:25:23,039 ...was because he never believed in the closet monster. 231 00:25:26,584 --> 00:25:30,171 Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that! 232 00:25:30,296 --> 00:25:33,466 Brought you somethin' to dress up your room with, Sam. 233 00:25:34,342 --> 00:25:35,885 How do you like that? 234 00:25:36,010 --> 00:25:37,011 Thanks, Grandpa. 235 00:25:37,095 --> 00:25:39,722 Oh, Dad, really! You shouldn't have! 236 00:25:40,890 --> 00:25:42,683 Lots more where he came from. 237 00:25:42,767 --> 00:25:45,144 - Good night, Sam. - Good night, Grandpa. 238 00:25:47,563 --> 00:25:48,564 Lights, Sam. 239 00:25:48,648 --> 00:25:50,983 As soon as I finish this comic, okay? 240 00:26:06,332 --> 00:26:08,459 You're history, buddy. 241 00:26:19,220 --> 00:26:21,514 Feeding time. Come and get it, boys. 242 00:26:25,226 --> 00:26:27,186 Chinese. Good choice. 243 00:26:28,729 --> 00:26:30,148 Over here, bud. 244 00:26:31,732 --> 00:26:32,984 Guests first. 245 00:26:34,235 --> 00:26:35,778 You don't like rice? 246 00:26:35,945 --> 00:26:39,532 Tell me, Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong? 247 00:26:41,742 --> 00:26:42,827 Come on. 248 00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:54,005 How are those maggots? 249 00:26:55,590 --> 00:26:56,966 Maggots, Michael. 250 00:26:57,049 --> 00:26:59,552 You're eating maggots. How do they taste? 251 00:27:06,642 --> 00:27:08,269 Leave him alone. 252 00:27:22,116 --> 00:27:23,534 Sorry about that. 253 00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:25,578 No hard feelings, huh? 254 00:27:29,540 --> 00:27:31,584 Why don't you try some noodles? 255 00:27:34,211 --> 00:27:36,714 - They're worms. - What do you mean, worms? 256 00:27:38,466 --> 00:27:39,926 Don't eat- 257 00:27:42,887 --> 00:27:44,889 They're only noodles, Michael. 258 00:27:49,644 --> 00:27:51,187 That's enough. 259 00:28:34,647 --> 00:28:36,565 Drink some of this, Michael. 260 00:28:38,693 --> 00:28:40,152 Be one of us. 261 00:28:58,129 --> 00:29:00,673 Don't! You don't have to, Michael. 262 00:29:06,095 --> 00:29:07,221 It's blood. 263 00:29:08,556 --> 00:29:10,266 Yeah, sure. 264 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,270 Bravo! 265 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,193 You were right, Marko. 266 00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:30,035 You're one of us, bud. 267 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:37,811 Perfect timing. 268 00:30:40,481 --> 00:30:41,899 What's going on? 269 00:30:44,026 --> 00:30:46,528 Michael wants to know "what's going on. " 270 00:30:48,113 --> 00:30:49,198 Marko? 271 00:30:49,782 --> 00:30:51,367 "What's going on?" 272 00:30:51,617 --> 00:30:52,826 I don't know. 273 00:30:52,910 --> 00:30:54,536 "What's going on," Paul? 274 00:30:54,620 --> 00:30:57,206 - Who wants to know? - Michael wants to know. 275 00:30:58,666 --> 00:31:01,752 I think we should let Michael know "what's going on. " 276 00:31:05,130 --> 00:31:06,632 Marko... 277 00:31:07,007 --> 00:31:08,467 Good night, Michael. 278 00:31:08,550 --> 00:31:09,885 Bombs away. 279 00:31:11,303 --> 00:31:12,930 Bottoms up, man. 280 00:31:20,062 --> 00:31:21,772 Come with us, Michael. 281 00:31:33,534 --> 00:31:35,244 Michael Emerson... 282 00:31:36,161 --> 00:31:37,871 Come on down. 283 00:31:52,344 --> 00:31:54,346 Welcome aboard, Michael. 284 00:31:55,389 --> 00:31:56,432 Fun, huh? 285 00:32:11,363 --> 00:32:12,698 Hold on! 286 00:32:26,336 --> 00:32:28,338 Don't be scared, Michael! 287 00:32:35,721 --> 00:32:39,016 Michael, you're one of us. Let go! 288 00:32:39,766 --> 00:32:40,976 And do what? 289 00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:43,353 You are one of us, Michael. 290 00:32:48,108 --> 00:32:50,319 David! 291 00:34:08,146 --> 00:34:10,315 Mike, wake up. 292 00:34:12,818 --> 00:34:14,111 It's Mom. 293 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,489 - Mom's home? - No, on the phone. 294 00:34:18,824 --> 00:34:19,908 What time is it? 295 00:34:19,992 --> 00:34:21,368 It's two o'clock. 296 00:34:22,452 --> 00:34:24,162 Give me those sunglasses. 297 00:34:24,496 --> 00:34:26,999 You need sunglasses to talk on the phone? 298 00:34:27,082 --> 00:34:29,918 Are you freebasing? Inquiring minds want to know. 299 00:34:35,841 --> 00:34:38,218 - Hello? - Michael, are you still in bed? 300 00:34:38,301 --> 00:34:39,886 No. I'm up. 301 00:34:40,012 --> 00:34:42,139 Michael, would you do me a favor? 302 00:34:42,347 --> 00:34:44,683 Max asked me to go to dinner with him after work tonight. 303 00:34:44,766 --> 00:34:46,226 Would you stay home with Sam? 304 00:34:46,309 --> 00:34:48,603 Sam is old enough to stay by himself. 305 00:34:48,687 --> 00:34:50,897 I don't need no babysitter, Mike. 306 00:34:51,273 --> 00:34:53,650 Michael, you come home in the middle of the night... 307 00:34:53,734 --> 00:34:55,277 ...you sleep all day. 308 00:34:55,444 --> 00:34:57,779 I work all day. Sam is always alone. 309 00:34:59,156 --> 00:35:01,950 It's been a long time since somebody's asked me out to dinner. 310 00:35:02,033 --> 00:35:03,118 I'd like to go. 311 00:35:03,201 --> 00:35:04,161 Okay? 312 00:35:06,079 --> 00:35:07,205 Okay, Mom. 313 00:35:07,539 --> 00:35:09,416 Thanks, it's a real favor. 314 00:35:10,041 --> 00:35:11,126 Bye-bye. 315 00:35:26,558 --> 00:35:29,519 Anything in here that might pass for after-shave? 316 00:35:32,606 --> 00:35:34,649 How about some Windex, Grandpa? 317 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,402 Yeah, let me try some of that. 318 00:35:46,786 --> 00:35:48,955 Have a big date tonight, Grandpa? 319 00:35:51,917 --> 00:35:55,629 I'm going to drop off some of my handiwork to the "Widow" Johnson. 320 00:35:55,712 --> 00:35:58,173 What'd you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson? 321 00:36:00,091 --> 00:36:01,801 See you two guys later. 322 00:36:02,761 --> 00:36:04,262 That wasn't funny! 323 00:36:17,359 --> 00:36:19,319 I'm gonna make you a sandwich. 324 00:36:20,237 --> 00:36:21,446 Don't bother. 325 00:36:21,655 --> 00:36:25,116 Lose the earring, Michael. It's not you. It's definitely not you. 326 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:26,076 Piss off. 327 00:36:26,159 --> 00:36:28,370 All you do is give attitude lately. 328 00:36:28,620 --> 00:36:31,122 You've been watching too much Dynasty. 329 00:37:10,287 --> 00:37:12,163 Mike, don't open the door! 330 00:37:30,181 --> 00:37:31,891 What's going on, Mike? 331 00:37:32,475 --> 00:37:33,935 Go take your bath. 332 00:39:50,488 --> 00:39:52,282 Michael, are you there? 333 00:39:54,575 --> 00:39:55,618 Nanook? 334 00:40:13,219 --> 00:40:14,971 Michael, what happened? 335 00:40:15,179 --> 00:40:16,973 - Nanook... - What about Nanook? 336 00:40:17,056 --> 00:40:18,891 What did you do to my dog, asshole? 337 00:40:18,975 --> 00:40:22,437 Nothing. I didn't hurt him. He bit me. This is my blood. 338 00:40:22,562 --> 00:40:24,272 Why did he bite you, huh? 339 00:40:24,355 --> 00:40:26,065 What did you do to him? 340 00:40:30,069 --> 00:40:31,696 He was protecting you. 341 00:40:33,990 --> 00:40:36,367 Look at your reflection in the mirror. 342 00:40:44,667 --> 00:40:46,461 You're a creature of the night. 343 00:40:46,544 --> 00:40:48,546 Just like out of a comic book. 344 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,298 You're a vampire, Michael! 345 00:40:50,381 --> 00:40:53,009 My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire! 346 00:40:53,092 --> 00:40:54,844 Wait till Mom finds out! 347 00:40:55,011 --> 00:40:56,512 Sammy, wait! Sam! 348 00:40:56,721 --> 00:40:58,473 - Stay back! - Just let me talk- 349 00:40:58,556 --> 00:41:00,475 Wait a minute! Sam! 350 00:41:02,894 --> 00:41:04,854 Stay away from me, Mike! 351 00:41:38,554 --> 00:41:40,515 You did the right thing by calling us. 352 00:41:40,598 --> 00:41:41,933 Does your brother sleep a lot? 353 00:41:42,016 --> 00:41:43,351 Yeah, all day. 354 00:41:43,643 --> 00:41:45,436 Does the sunlight freak him out? 355 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,438 He wears sunglasses in the house. 356 00:41:47,522 --> 00:41:49,941 Bad breath? Long fingernails? 357 00:41:50,274 --> 00:41:52,860 Yeah, his fingernails are a bit longer... 358 00:41:52,944 --> 00:41:55,112 He always had bad breath, though. 359 00:41:55,822 --> 00:41:57,573 He's a vampire all right. 360 00:41:57,782 --> 00:41:59,408 Here's what you do. 361 00:41:59,617 --> 00:42:01,953 Get yourself a good sharp stake... 362 00:42:02,203 --> 00:42:03,788 ...and drive it through his heart. 363 00:42:03,871 --> 00:42:05,581 I can't do that! He's my brother! 364 00:42:05,665 --> 00:42:07,542 Okay, we'll come over and do it for you. 365 00:42:07,625 --> 00:42:08,376 No! 366 00:42:08,459 --> 00:42:11,295 You better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy. 367 00:42:11,379 --> 00:42:13,005 Or it's your funeral. 368 00:43:16,319 --> 00:43:17,194 Hello. 369 00:43:17,278 --> 00:43:19,113 Sam, is everything all right? 370 00:43:19,196 --> 00:43:22,700 Mom, I think we have to have a real long talk about something. 371 00:43:22,908 --> 00:43:24,118 Help! 372 00:43:24,243 --> 00:43:27,455 What's going on there? Sam, I'm starting to get worried. 373 00:43:29,248 --> 00:43:32,877 What are you doing? Is that Michael? Who's breathing like that? 374 00:43:33,711 --> 00:43:36,505 - We should stay calm. - Calm? Calm about what? 375 00:43:36,964 --> 00:43:40,217 - Nothing, nothing. - Who's making that noise? 376 00:43:40,676 --> 00:43:43,137 Mom, I can't talk on the phone. It's about Michael. 377 00:43:43,220 --> 00:43:46,098 Don't listen to him, Mom. He doesn't know what he's saying. 378 00:43:46,182 --> 00:43:47,141 Shut up! 379 00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:48,976 Mom! Help! He's coming to get me! 380 00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:50,561 Oh, my God! 381 00:43:51,937 --> 00:43:52,772 He'll kill me! 382 00:43:52,855 --> 00:43:54,357 Honey, I'm coming. 383 00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:57,860 Tell him to get away! No! Mom! 384 00:44:10,915 --> 00:44:12,333 Open up! 385 00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:14,043 Stay back! 386 00:44:14,168 --> 00:44:16,212 Sammy, help me! Open up! 387 00:44:16,295 --> 00:44:17,129 Help me! 388 00:44:17,213 --> 00:44:18,881 Sammy, open the window! 389 00:44:18,964 --> 00:44:20,216 Never! I knew it! 390 00:44:20,299 --> 00:44:21,300 I'm not! 391 00:44:21,383 --> 00:44:23,719 So what are you, the "flying nun"? 392 00:44:24,136 --> 00:44:26,847 I'm your brother, Sammy. Help me! 393 00:44:28,099 --> 00:44:30,017 Sammy, open up! 394 00:44:40,361 --> 00:44:41,862 Please? 395 00:44:42,905 --> 00:44:44,281 Please! 396 00:44:49,453 --> 00:44:50,663 Thanks. 397 00:44:52,790 --> 00:44:56,293 We've got to stick together, Sam. 398 00:44:56,752 --> 00:44:58,254 What about Mom? 399 00:44:58,337 --> 00:45:00,297 Just don't tell her anything. 400 00:45:00,965 --> 00:45:04,301 I don't know, Mike. It's not like getting a "D" in school. 401 00:45:07,721 --> 00:45:08,931 We're gonna work this out. 402 00:45:09,014 --> 00:45:11,517 I'm gonna work this out. Trust me, okay? 403 00:45:19,817 --> 00:45:21,610 Sam, are you all right? 404 00:45:21,694 --> 00:45:23,737 You had me scared to death. 405 00:45:24,738 --> 00:45:26,490 I'm okay. I was reading a horror comic. 406 00:45:26,574 --> 00:45:30,536 I thought I saw someone on my window, but I guess I got carried away. 407 00:45:30,703 --> 00:45:33,038 You got carried away by a comic book? 408 00:45:34,164 --> 00:45:36,667 It was a scary comic book, Mom. I'm sorry. 409 00:45:38,335 --> 00:45:41,463 You know, I've just about had it with the both of you. 410 00:45:45,593 --> 00:45:47,219 What is this mess? 411 00:45:47,845 --> 00:45:50,973 You spill milk on the kitchen floor and don't even bother to clean it up? 412 00:45:51,056 --> 00:45:52,057 I didn't spill it. 413 00:45:52,141 --> 00:45:55,185 I can't believe you. The refrigerator door's wide open! 414 00:45:55,269 --> 00:45:57,771 Are you trying to refrigerate the whole neighborhood? 415 00:45:57,855 --> 00:46:01,066 You know, it's not fair. I'd like to have a personal life, too. 416 00:46:01,150 --> 00:46:02,318 Where's Michael? 417 00:46:02,401 --> 00:46:04,028 He went to bed early. 418 00:46:28,135 --> 00:46:30,721 Mom? Can I sleep in here with you tonight? 419 00:46:30,846 --> 00:46:33,223 In here? Are you sure you're all right? 420 00:46:33,307 --> 00:46:35,392 I'm fine. It was a real scary comic, that's all. 421 00:46:35,476 --> 00:46:37,561 - Do you mind? - No, I don't mind. 422 00:46:39,730 --> 00:46:41,106 Have you been eating pizza? 423 00:46:41,190 --> 00:46:42,358 No. Why? 424 00:46:43,192 --> 00:46:44,860 You smell like garlic. 425 00:47:27,736 --> 00:47:29,113 Who's there? 426 00:47:32,407 --> 00:47:33,659 Hello, Thorn. 427 00:47:34,201 --> 00:47:36,745 Is that you, Thorn, making all that noise? 428 00:48:36,096 --> 00:48:37,764 I'm over here, Michael. 429 00:48:38,056 --> 00:48:40,017 What's happening to me, Star? 430 00:48:42,019 --> 00:48:43,979 What's happening to me, Star? 431 00:48:44,187 --> 00:48:45,772 Oh, Michael! 432 00:48:46,273 --> 00:48:49,484 Michael, I can't tell you. I don't know how to help you. 433 00:48:50,193 --> 00:48:51,653 What's happening? 434 00:50:57,863 --> 00:50:58,864 Hi. 435 00:51:01,241 --> 00:51:03,160 Aren't we friends anymore? 436 00:51:03,493 --> 00:51:04,494 Sure. 437 00:51:06,246 --> 00:51:09,541 Does that mean we are, or...? 438 00:51:10,083 --> 00:51:11,418 We are. 439 00:51:12,335 --> 00:51:14,129 Then let's act like friends. 440 00:51:14,212 --> 00:51:15,338 Let's talk. 441 00:51:18,633 --> 00:51:20,677 Michael, take off your glasses. 442 00:51:27,017 --> 00:51:28,518 Michael, look at me. 443 00:51:30,395 --> 00:51:32,022 If there's a girl- 444 00:51:32,147 --> 00:51:32,981 I'm tired, Mom. 445 00:51:33,064 --> 00:51:34,482 - We could talk about- - I'm tired. 446 00:51:34,566 --> 00:51:37,110 We can talk about anything you want to talk about. 447 00:51:37,193 --> 00:51:39,404 I have more serious things on my mind than girls and school. 448 00:51:39,487 --> 00:51:40,697 Things I'm dealing with- 449 00:51:40,780 --> 00:51:42,699 Things I wouldn't understand? 450 00:51:54,336 --> 00:51:57,672 Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night. 451 00:51:59,883 --> 00:52:02,427 Did you take care of everything, Michael? 452 00:52:22,238 --> 00:52:23,198 What's the wine for? 453 00:52:23,281 --> 00:52:26,201 My apology to Max for running out on him last night. 454 00:52:26,284 --> 00:52:28,745 Which, young man, you should be making. 455 00:52:33,583 --> 00:52:37,087 I better bring this up to the house or somebody's just gonna take it. 456 00:52:37,170 --> 00:52:38,880 All right, I'll be here. 457 00:52:51,017 --> 00:52:52,644 Hi, Thorn. 458 00:53:01,444 --> 00:53:02,529 Mom! 459 00:53:16,793 --> 00:53:19,295 Honey, get in the car! Get in the car! 460 00:53:21,589 --> 00:53:25,385 The dog chased my mom like the Hounds of Hell from Vampires Everywhere. 461 00:53:25,468 --> 00:53:29,514 We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in town for a long time. 462 00:53:29,597 --> 00:53:32,183 Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. 463 00:53:32,267 --> 00:53:34,561 As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that... 464 00:53:34,644 --> 00:53:37,897 ...ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall. 465 00:53:37,981 --> 00:53:40,483 Kill your brother. You'll feel better. 466 00:53:42,110 --> 00:53:44,529 Look, guys, my brother is not a bloodsucker. 467 00:53:44,612 --> 00:53:47,198 It says here that if you kill the head vampire... 468 00:53:47,282 --> 00:53:49,576 ...all half-vampires will return to normal. 469 00:53:49,659 --> 00:53:52,704 Guys, if my brother's a vampire, believe me, he's only half. 470 00:53:52,787 --> 00:53:54,998 Does he know who the head vampire is? 471 00:53:55,081 --> 00:53:56,666 No, I don't think so. 472 00:53:57,083 --> 00:53:59,002 Then you'll have to kill him. 473 00:53:59,085 --> 00:54:00,545 And if you don't... 474 00:54:01,337 --> 00:54:02,464 ...we will. 475 00:54:03,673 --> 00:54:07,135 It all started when my mom went to work at Max's video store. 476 00:54:08,219 --> 00:54:10,722 Max never comes in till after it's dark. 477 00:54:10,847 --> 00:54:13,516 The dog who chased my mom this morning was his. 478 00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:17,687 Listen to this: "Vampires require a daytime protector, a guardian... 479 00:54:18,021 --> 00:54:19,731 "... to watch over them as they sleep. 480 00:54:19,814 --> 00:54:23,902 "Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell, are often employed for this purpose. " 481 00:54:25,236 --> 00:54:28,239 What happens if my mom is dating the head vampire? 482 00:54:29,073 --> 00:54:31,576 You could nail him and save Santa Carla. 483 00:54:31,701 --> 00:54:34,662 "Truth, Justice, the American way" triumphs. 484 00:54:35,163 --> 00:54:36,623 Thanks to you two. 485 00:54:38,333 --> 00:54:39,834 We'll check out Max. 486 00:55:10,365 --> 00:55:11,908 Smells good. When do we eat? 487 00:55:11,991 --> 00:55:13,993 I told Max eight o'clock. 488 00:55:14,077 --> 00:55:15,036 Max? 489 00:55:15,119 --> 00:55:16,621 Are we going to have company again? 490 00:55:16,704 --> 00:55:17,914 Again? 491 00:55:17,997 --> 00:55:21,417 You haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. 492 00:55:21,501 --> 00:55:23,753 Right. Now we're gonna have company again. 493 00:55:23,836 --> 00:55:27,173 Michael, Max is coming to dinner. I'd like you to meet him. 494 00:55:27,256 --> 00:55:28,967 I can't. I have plans. 495 00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,301 Michael... 496 00:55:31,260 --> 00:55:34,472 Things will change around this house when school starts. 497 00:55:37,850 --> 00:55:40,436 How you doing? You must be Michael, right? 498 00:55:42,188 --> 00:55:44,148 And you must be Max. 499 00:55:52,281 --> 00:55:54,534 Well, you're the man of the house... 500 00:55:54,701 --> 00:55:57,036 ...and I'm not coming in until you invite me. 501 00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:58,413 You're invited. 502 00:55:59,497 --> 00:56:00,915 Thanks very much. 503 00:56:10,967 --> 00:56:11,884 Hello. 504 00:56:11,968 --> 00:56:14,220 Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in. 505 00:56:14,429 --> 00:56:16,723 Is it okay for the guest to see the food before dinner? 506 00:56:16,806 --> 00:56:20,393 You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. 507 00:56:20,476 --> 00:56:23,062 Oh, yeah. I always get those confused. 508 00:56:23,646 --> 00:56:25,440 Thorn sends his apologies. 509 00:56:25,606 --> 00:56:27,400 Tell him I'm walking again. 510 00:56:28,693 --> 00:56:31,070 He promises to behave if you come back. 511 00:56:37,326 --> 00:56:38,536 Mom? 512 00:56:39,662 --> 00:56:41,080 These are my dinner guests. 513 00:56:41,164 --> 00:56:43,416 Edgar and Alan. The Frog brothers. 514 00:56:44,375 --> 00:56:46,752 I didn't know you were having guests. 515 00:56:46,836 --> 00:56:50,339 If we'll be in your way, we can eat some peanut butter in the kitchen. 516 00:56:50,423 --> 00:56:52,467 No, no, there's plenty for everybody. 517 00:56:52,550 --> 00:56:56,095 Max, this is my son, Sam, and Edgar and Alan... Frog? 518 00:56:58,848 --> 00:57:00,016 Lucy, this looks terrific. 519 00:57:00,099 --> 00:57:02,018 Well, I hope it tastes good. 520 00:57:02,518 --> 00:57:04,145 Tastes wonderful. 521 00:57:05,605 --> 00:57:08,774 Boy! Somebody around here has bad breath! 522 00:57:15,072 --> 00:57:17,241 Nanook, would you quit breathing on me! 523 00:57:17,325 --> 00:57:19,327 Nanook, get upstairs. Go on. 524 00:57:25,458 --> 00:57:27,793 You want some Parmesan cheese on that? 525 00:57:27,877 --> 00:57:29,962 Yeah, Sam. Thank you very much. 526 00:57:30,463 --> 00:57:32,882 Sam grated the cheese himself. My son. 527 00:57:37,553 --> 00:57:40,056 A budding chef in the family. 528 00:57:46,562 --> 00:57:48,022 Are you all right? 529 00:57:50,107 --> 00:57:52,068 It's not cheese, it's garlic. 530 00:57:52,401 --> 00:57:53,819 You hate garlic, don't you? 531 00:57:53,903 --> 00:57:56,864 No, I like garlic. It's just too much... 532 00:57:57,531 --> 00:57:58,908 It's raw garlic. 533 00:57:59,784 --> 00:58:01,786 Garlic? How did that happen? 534 00:58:01,911 --> 00:58:03,496 Guys, he likes garlic. 535 00:58:05,122 --> 00:58:07,166 Here. Quick, drink some water! 536 00:58:08,501 --> 00:58:11,087 Sam, what's the matter with you? 537 00:58:11,254 --> 00:58:12,380 Does it burn? 538 00:58:12,463 --> 00:58:14,048 Burn? Are you nuts? 539 00:58:14,423 --> 00:58:15,841 It's freezing! 540 00:58:15,967 --> 00:58:18,511 Look at your suit, Max. And your pants. 541 00:58:18,636 --> 00:58:20,596 Oh, I'm so sorry. 542 00:58:21,931 --> 00:58:22,890 Now what? 543 00:58:22,974 --> 00:58:24,767 Must be a circuit breaker. 544 00:58:25,059 --> 00:58:26,060 He's not glowing. 545 00:58:26,143 --> 00:58:27,895 I know. Hit the lights. 546 00:58:30,773 --> 00:58:33,109 Sam! What's gotten into you tonight? 547 00:58:33,359 --> 00:58:35,361 I think I know what's going on here. 548 00:58:35,444 --> 00:58:36,445 You do? 549 00:58:36,821 --> 00:58:37,780 Yeah. 550 00:58:38,656 --> 00:58:41,075 I know what you're thinking, Sam. But you're wrong. 551 00:58:41,158 --> 00:58:42,368 - I am? - Yeah. 552 00:58:42,952 --> 00:58:45,037 I'm not trying to replace your father... 553 00:58:45,121 --> 00:58:47,081 ...or steal your mother away from you. 554 00:58:47,164 --> 00:58:50,001 I would just like to be your friend. That's all. 555 00:58:50,376 --> 00:58:51,794 Good night, Lucy. 556 00:58:52,294 --> 00:58:53,546 Thanks a lot! 557 00:58:53,796 --> 00:58:55,297 I'm sorry, Mom. 558 00:58:55,548 --> 00:58:57,049 Max, I'm so sorry. 559 00:58:58,884 --> 00:59:00,177 Major mistake. 560 00:59:02,138 --> 00:59:05,307 Our batting average isn't terrific, is it? Zero for two. 561 00:59:05,850 --> 00:59:07,685 You were so sweet to him. 562 00:59:07,810 --> 00:59:10,730 I don't know what got into him. He's not like that. 563 00:59:10,813 --> 00:59:14,442 Kids Sam's age need discipline, otherwise they run all over you. 564 00:59:14,692 --> 00:59:16,485 He doesn't run over me. 565 00:59:17,319 --> 00:59:18,738 Protecting mother. 566 00:59:21,490 --> 00:59:22,992 Let's try it once more. 567 00:59:23,075 --> 00:59:25,286 Dinner, my house, tomorrow night. 568 00:59:26,495 --> 00:59:27,997 - I'm cooking. - Okay. 569 00:59:48,142 --> 00:59:49,393 Where is she? 570 00:59:52,354 --> 00:59:53,981 Take it easy, Michael. 571 00:59:54,148 --> 00:59:56,275 Where's Star, David? 572 00:59:57,610 --> 01:00:00,196 If you ever want to see Star again... 573 01:00:00,654 --> 01:00:02,781 ...you better come with us now. 574 01:00:47,743 --> 01:00:50,329 Michael, over here. 575 01:00:57,670 --> 01:00:59,588 You don't want to miss this. 576 01:01:23,070 --> 01:01:25,572 Initiation's over, Michael. 577 01:01:26,323 --> 01:01:27,950 Time to join the club. 578 01:03:02,336 --> 01:03:04,087 Now you know what we are. 579 01:03:04,546 --> 01:03:06,298 Now you know what you are. 580 01:03:07,216 --> 01:03:09,218 You'll never grow old, Michael. 581 01:03:10,427 --> 01:03:12,387 And you'll never die. 582 01:03:14,223 --> 01:03:15,724 But you must feed. 583 01:03:41,792 --> 01:03:45,003 I wish Grandpa would stop giving me these stupid things. 584 01:03:56,223 --> 01:03:57,933 I know who I am now, Sam. 585 01:03:58,183 --> 01:03:59,685 Don't kill me, Mike! 586 01:04:00,102 --> 01:04:02,688 I'm basically a good kid, so don't kill me! 587 01:04:03,272 --> 01:04:04,481 I can help you. 588 01:04:04,565 --> 01:04:06,817 Just tell me who the head vampire is. 589 01:04:06,900 --> 01:04:09,027 I thought it was Max, but I was wrong. 590 01:04:09,111 --> 01:04:11,738 Just work with me and I can help you. You'll be okay. 591 01:04:11,822 --> 01:04:12,864 Michael! 592 01:04:13,615 --> 01:04:14,658 Michael! 593 01:04:16,576 --> 01:04:18,704 It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them? 594 01:04:18,787 --> 01:04:21,415 - I have to talk to you. Can I come up? - No! 595 01:04:22,291 --> 01:04:24,710 You shut the window and lock your door. 596 01:04:28,088 --> 01:04:29,548 She's one of them! 597 01:04:30,299 --> 01:04:33,593 And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike! 598 01:04:34,594 --> 01:04:37,347 You know where David took me tonight, don't you, Star? 599 01:04:37,431 --> 01:04:38,432 Who's David? 600 01:04:38,515 --> 01:04:40,559 Yes, and it's my fault. 601 01:04:40,892 --> 01:04:43,812 If you hadn't met me, if I hadn't liked you... 602 01:04:44,229 --> 01:04:45,731 I tried to warn you. 603 01:04:45,939 --> 01:04:48,483 It was that night in the cave, wasn't it? 604 01:04:48,650 --> 01:04:51,737 That wasn't wine they gave me to drink. It was blood. 605 01:04:52,154 --> 01:04:53,447 That was David's blood. 606 01:04:53,530 --> 01:04:56,033 You drank someone's blood? Are you crazy? 607 01:04:56,742 --> 01:04:58,744 I'm just like David now, Star. 608 01:04:58,827 --> 01:05:01,371 No, you're not. You're like Laddie and me. 609 01:05:01,455 --> 01:05:04,750 - We're not one of them- - Until you make your first kill! 610 01:05:06,043 --> 01:05:08,170 Why didn't you kill me last night? 611 01:05:09,212 --> 01:05:11,339 You were supposed to be my first. 612 01:05:12,049 --> 01:05:13,759 That's what David wanted. 613 01:05:17,220 --> 01:05:18,930 But I couldn't, Michael. 614 01:05:19,139 --> 01:05:20,015 Why? 615 01:05:21,058 --> 01:05:23,727 Because you care so much about me? 616 01:05:24,061 --> 01:05:25,187 Yes, I do. 617 01:05:34,738 --> 01:05:37,657 What are you doing here? What do you want from me? 618 01:05:38,700 --> 01:05:41,745 I wanted to tell you that it's not too late for you. 619 01:05:44,039 --> 01:05:46,792 But for me it gets harder and harder to resist. 620 01:05:46,917 --> 01:05:48,251 I'm weak. 621 01:05:48,585 --> 01:05:50,879 Why did you come here tonight, Star? 622 01:05:51,671 --> 01:05:54,216 I was hoping you would help Laddie and me. 623 01:06:05,143 --> 01:06:06,228 Star! 624 01:06:06,686 --> 01:06:09,314 Don't kill anybody until we get back to you. 625 01:06:11,066 --> 01:06:12,442 What are you doing? 626 01:06:12,526 --> 01:06:14,110 I've got connections. 627 01:06:28,583 --> 01:06:30,377 Okay. Where's Nosferatu? 628 01:06:30,502 --> 01:06:31,962 - Who? - The Prince of Darkness. 629 01:06:32,045 --> 01:06:33,505 The night crawler. The bloodsucker. 630 01:06:33,588 --> 01:06:34,840 El Vampiro. 631 01:06:34,923 --> 01:06:36,758 Mike, they're here! 632 01:06:49,563 --> 01:06:52,274 Grandpa, okay if we borrow the car? 633 01:07:18,550 --> 01:07:20,176 Weapons check. 634 01:07:26,516 --> 01:07:28,018 I don't want you going down there. 635 01:07:28,101 --> 01:07:29,311 I'm going. 636 01:07:29,394 --> 01:07:32,230 Look, this isn't a comic book, Sammy. These guys are brutal killers. 637 01:07:32,314 --> 01:07:34,065 So are the Frog brothers. 638 01:07:34,816 --> 01:07:36,067 Check me. 639 01:07:36,443 --> 01:07:39,362 Who'd you rather have go down there with you? Them or me? 640 01:07:39,446 --> 01:07:42,741 If something happens down there, I won't have the strength to protect you. 641 01:07:42,824 --> 01:07:44,659 This time I'll protect you. 642 01:07:45,452 --> 01:07:48,580 Even though you're a vampire, you're still my brother. 643 01:07:49,622 --> 01:07:54,002 Listen, just so you know: If you try to stop us, or vamp-out in any way... 644 01:07:54,169 --> 01:07:57,297 ...I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it. 645 01:07:57,380 --> 01:07:58,840 Chill out, Edgar. 646 01:08:02,177 --> 01:08:04,554 Where did you say you met these guys? 647 01:08:08,683 --> 01:08:09,809 Holy shit! 648 01:08:09,893 --> 01:08:11,186 Vampire hotel! 649 01:08:14,898 --> 01:08:16,775 Here's one. Let's stake her! 650 01:08:16,858 --> 01:08:18,151 Don't you touch her! 651 01:08:18,234 --> 01:08:19,944 Stay away from her! 652 01:08:20,111 --> 01:08:22,697 Come on, vampires have such rotten tempers. 653 01:08:25,575 --> 01:08:29,204 The rest of them have got to be here someplace. We'll find 'em. 654 01:08:30,538 --> 01:08:31,748 Star? 655 01:08:34,167 --> 01:08:36,836 - I'm taking you out of here. - No, take Laddie first. 656 01:08:36,920 --> 01:08:37,921 Please? 657 01:08:39,839 --> 01:08:42,675 I feel a draft. I think there's something up here. 658 01:08:42,759 --> 01:08:45,053 - Let's check it out, Sam. - Come on. 659 01:08:51,601 --> 01:08:53,436 I'll be right back, Mike. 660 01:08:54,729 --> 01:08:55,688 I hope. 661 01:08:55,772 --> 01:08:57,565 Come on, Sam, let's go. 662 01:08:57,690 --> 01:08:59,025 Move out! Move! 663 01:09:04,239 --> 01:09:04,989 Flies! 664 01:09:05,073 --> 01:09:06,366 We're on the right trail. 665 01:09:06,449 --> 01:09:09,160 Flies and the undead go together, like bullets and guns. 666 01:09:09,244 --> 01:09:10,286 Come on! 667 01:09:32,100 --> 01:09:33,601 What's that smell? 668 01:09:34,561 --> 01:09:37,689 Vampires, my friend. Vampires. 669 01:09:57,709 --> 01:09:59,335 It's freezing in here. 670 01:10:03,756 --> 01:10:05,925 It looks like a dead end. Let's head back. 671 01:10:06,009 --> 01:10:09,012 They must have hidden their coffins here someplace. 672 01:10:09,470 --> 01:10:11,222 There's nothing here. Let's go, guys. 673 01:10:11,306 --> 01:10:12,348 Jesus! 674 01:10:20,732 --> 01:10:22,734 I thought they'd be in coffins. 675 01:10:22,817 --> 01:10:24,068 That's what this cave is. 676 01:10:24,152 --> 01:10:25,737 It's one giant coffin. 677 01:10:29,490 --> 01:10:31,492 Right now they're at their most vulnerable. 678 01:10:31,576 --> 01:10:32,827 Easy pickings. 679 01:10:32,910 --> 01:10:34,996 Remember, you just have to kill the leader. 680 01:10:35,079 --> 01:10:37,081 We don't know which one he is. 681 01:10:37,373 --> 01:10:39,500 I guess we'll just have to kill them all. 682 01:10:39,584 --> 01:10:43,338 Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked. 683 01:10:43,630 --> 01:10:46,299 What was that, a little vampire humor? 684 01:10:46,674 --> 01:10:48,134 It wasn't funny. 685 01:10:53,222 --> 01:10:54,682 No! 686 01:10:55,433 --> 01:10:57,435 Good night, bloodsucker! 687 01:11:18,915 --> 01:11:20,875 You're dead meat! 688 01:11:43,815 --> 01:11:45,608 Get him into the sunlight! 689 01:12:12,301 --> 01:12:13,553 Tonight... 690 01:12:15,888 --> 01:12:17,723 Mike! Start the car! 691 01:12:27,191 --> 01:12:29,068 - We blew it, man! We lost it! - Shut up! 692 01:12:29,152 --> 01:12:31,529 - We unraveled in the face of the enemy! - It's not our fault. 693 01:12:31,612 --> 01:12:34,240 They pulled a mind-scramble on us! They opened their eyes and talked! 694 01:12:34,323 --> 01:12:35,867 I'll drive. 695 01:12:36,159 --> 01:12:37,702 We don't ride with vampires. 696 01:12:37,785 --> 01:12:39,203 Fine. Stay here. 697 01:12:41,455 --> 01:12:42,874 - We do now. - Yeah. 698 01:12:43,666 --> 01:12:46,002 Come on! Sam, let's get out of here! 699 01:12:47,003 --> 01:12:48,212 Burn rubber! 700 01:12:54,969 --> 01:12:58,139 "Burn rubber" does not mean warp speed! 701 01:13:08,816 --> 01:13:09,942 Cool it, Nanook! 702 01:13:10,026 --> 01:13:11,736 Your dog knows a flesh-eater when he smells one. 703 01:13:11,819 --> 01:13:13,654 Take him outside, Sam. 704 01:13:14,280 --> 01:13:15,990 Come on, Nanook. 705 01:13:18,826 --> 01:13:19,952 Michael. 706 01:13:21,329 --> 01:13:24,248 Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas... 707 01:13:24,332 --> 01:13:26,375 ...when you take it without asking? 708 01:13:26,459 --> 01:13:27,835 No, Grandpa. 709 01:13:28,586 --> 01:13:29,837 Now you do. 710 01:13:39,513 --> 01:13:41,098 We definitely blew Plan A. 711 01:13:41,182 --> 01:13:42,224 Time to activate Plan B. 712 01:13:42,308 --> 01:13:43,893 - What's Plan B? - We don't have one yet. 713 01:13:43,976 --> 01:13:45,770 We have two and a half hours to come up with one. 714 01:13:45,853 --> 01:13:47,021 What happens then? 715 01:13:47,104 --> 01:13:49,774 The sun goes down. They'll be looking for us. 716 01:13:56,697 --> 01:13:58,199 Sam, what are you doing here? 717 01:13:58,282 --> 01:14:00,785 I've got to tell you something. It's real important. 718 01:14:00,868 --> 01:14:03,204 Santa Carla is crawling with vampires. 719 01:14:03,537 --> 01:14:04,622 Mom, I'm serious! 720 01:14:04,705 --> 01:14:07,124 Edgar staked one of them. It was screaming and fizzing! 721 01:14:07,208 --> 01:14:09,085 Look, there's evidence on my sweater! 722 01:14:09,168 --> 01:14:11,253 Mom, you've got to tell someone! 723 01:14:11,587 --> 01:14:13,881 - You've got to tell someone! - This isn't funny! 724 01:14:13,964 --> 01:14:16,634 I'm not kidding! They're coming to the house when it gets dark! 725 01:14:16,717 --> 01:14:18,928 Stop it! Right now! Stop it! 726 01:14:19,637 --> 01:14:21,305 - But, Mom- - Not another word! 727 01:14:21,389 --> 01:14:22,640 I don't believe you're doing this. 728 01:14:22,723 --> 01:14:24,850 I want to see Max tonight, and you're trying to ruin it for me. 729 01:14:24,934 --> 01:14:26,060 No, I'm not. 730 01:14:26,143 --> 01:14:29,313 There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't want me- 731 01:14:29,397 --> 01:14:32,024 I'm not talking about Max! To hell with Max! 732 01:14:34,360 --> 01:14:36,612 I'll deal with you later, young man! 733 01:14:42,451 --> 01:14:44,328 Guys, we're on our own. 734 01:14:44,495 --> 01:14:46,872 Good. That's just the way we like it. 735 01:15:20,156 --> 01:15:23,367 Widow Johnson called. Said to pick her up at seven, not eight. 736 01:15:23,450 --> 01:15:25,202 We've got a date tonight? 737 01:15:25,411 --> 01:15:27,746 I guess so. She said not to be late. 738 01:15:28,539 --> 01:15:30,541 I better get cleaned up, then. 739 01:15:52,479 --> 01:15:54,315 Die, Mr. Vampire! 740 01:16:16,545 --> 01:16:19,340 They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they? 741 01:16:20,507 --> 01:16:22,593 They'll be coming for all of us. 742 01:16:24,470 --> 01:16:26,221 Laddie, wake up. 743 01:17:41,130 --> 01:17:43,173 - Oh, it's delicious. - Thank you. 744 01:17:45,426 --> 01:17:46,969 Thorn, stop that! 745 01:17:49,179 --> 01:17:50,848 What's the matter, Lucy? 746 01:17:50,931 --> 01:17:53,350 It's just old memories coming back. 747 01:17:53,559 --> 01:17:56,186 No, seriously. Why are you so jumpy tonight? 748 01:17:56,270 --> 01:17:57,729 Well, it's something Sam- 749 01:17:57,813 --> 01:17:59,523 He came into the store... 750 01:17:59,606 --> 01:18:02,484 It was just a kid's imagination, I'm sure, but... 751 01:18:02,651 --> 01:18:04,736 ...he seemed so sincere, but... 752 01:18:05,612 --> 01:18:06,697 It's insane. 753 01:18:06,780 --> 01:18:08,949 Tell me. I promise not to laugh. 754 01:18:09,283 --> 01:18:10,284 Honest. 755 01:18:15,873 --> 01:18:17,416 I think I should warn you all: 756 01:18:17,499 --> 01:18:20,169 When a vampire dies, it's never a pretty sight. 757 01:18:20,252 --> 01:18:22,796 No two bloodsuckers go out the same way. 758 01:18:23,046 --> 01:18:25,299 Some yell and scream. Some go quietly. 759 01:18:25,382 --> 01:18:27,301 Some explode. Some implode. 760 01:18:27,968 --> 01:18:30,345 But all will try to take you with them. 761 01:18:47,779 --> 01:18:49,615 Nanook! I left him outside. 762 01:18:49,698 --> 01:18:51,700 Don't go out there! Stop him! 763 01:18:54,244 --> 01:18:55,996 - Sam, come back! - No way! 764 01:19:20,437 --> 01:19:22,648 Michael, they're coming! 765 01:19:24,942 --> 01:19:26,526 They're coming! 766 01:19:28,820 --> 01:19:30,322 Hurry up, man! 767 01:19:43,043 --> 01:19:44,753 Take them upstairs! 768 01:20:01,061 --> 01:20:03,939 - I say we terminate them right now. - Laddie, run! 769 01:20:12,239 --> 01:20:13,949 You're mine. 770 01:20:15,158 --> 01:20:16,326 You killed Marko. 771 01:20:16,410 --> 01:20:17,786 Yeah. You're next. 772 01:20:17,869 --> 01:20:19,413 No. You're next. 773 01:20:25,168 --> 01:20:27,129 Garlic don't work, boys. 774 01:20:27,212 --> 01:20:29,381 Try the holy water, death breath! 775 01:22:00,931 --> 01:22:02,182 Mike, wake up. 776 01:22:42,305 --> 01:22:43,765 You missed, sucker. 777 01:22:43,974 --> 01:22:45,308 Only once, pal. 778 01:23:16,006 --> 01:23:17,757 Death by stereo. 779 01:23:51,166 --> 01:23:52,250 Hey, it's me. 780 01:23:52,333 --> 01:23:53,334 Are you okay? 781 01:23:53,418 --> 01:23:56,504 I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow. 782 01:23:57,756 --> 01:23:59,883 We trashed the one that looked like Twisted Sister. 783 01:23:59,966 --> 01:24:02,635 We totally annihilated his night stalkin' ass! 784 01:24:04,012 --> 01:24:05,805 And Nanook helped a little. 785 01:24:06,931 --> 01:24:08,641 Death to all vampires! 786 01:24:08,725 --> 01:24:10,185 Maximum body count. 787 01:24:10,310 --> 01:24:11,895 We are awesome monster bashers! 788 01:24:11,978 --> 01:24:13,104 The meanest! 789 01:24:13,188 --> 01:24:14,481 The baddest! 790 01:24:33,917 --> 01:24:34,876 Holy shit! 791 01:24:34,959 --> 01:24:37,295 The attack of Eddie Munster! Get him! 792 01:24:37,629 --> 01:24:40,423 Stop! Get away from him! Just stay away from him! 793 01:24:40,507 --> 01:24:42,175 He's just a little boy! 794 01:25:00,777 --> 01:25:02,862 You're afraid to face me, David? 795 01:25:09,369 --> 01:25:11,079 I tried to make you immortal. 796 01:25:11,162 --> 01:25:13,164 You tried to make me a killer! 797 01:25:23,216 --> 01:25:24,676 You are a killer. 798 01:25:47,532 --> 01:25:48,783 My turn. 799 01:25:58,001 --> 01:26:01,921 Stop fighting me, Michael. I don't want to kill you. 800 01:26:02,922 --> 01:26:03,923 Join us. 801 01:26:04,841 --> 01:26:06,050 Never! 802 01:26:09,304 --> 01:26:12,098 It's too late. My blood is in your veins. 803 01:26:15,435 --> 01:26:17,145 So is mine! 804 01:27:19,499 --> 01:27:21,584 Don't let them see me like this. 805 01:27:25,713 --> 01:27:26,964 Get away, Sam. 806 01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:30,384 - Michael, what's wrong? - I said, get away! 807 01:27:35,348 --> 01:27:37,934 What's the big deal? You destroyed the head vampire. 808 01:27:38,017 --> 01:27:39,060 It's all over. 809 01:27:39,143 --> 01:27:40,603 Nothing's changed. 810 01:27:40,895 --> 01:27:43,356 He's right. I don't feel any different. 811 01:27:43,481 --> 01:27:45,399 Then there's still one more. 812 01:27:52,573 --> 01:27:54,909 I'll handle Mom. Come on, go. 813 01:27:55,034 --> 01:27:56,953 Don't let her see the bodies. 814 01:27:59,163 --> 01:28:00,373 What happened? 815 01:28:01,541 --> 01:28:02,959 Where is Michael? 816 01:28:03,334 --> 01:28:05,127 What happened to your face? 817 01:28:05,336 --> 01:28:07,213 What happened to your face? 818 01:28:30,736 --> 01:28:34,532 I don't want to hear another word from you until I talk to Michael. 819 01:28:34,740 --> 01:28:36,242 I'm sorry, Lucy. 820 01:28:36,951 --> 01:28:38,494 This is all my fault. 821 01:28:39,245 --> 01:28:41,205 David and my boys misbehaved. 822 01:28:42,456 --> 01:28:44,750 I told you, boys need a mother. 823 01:28:45,001 --> 01:28:47,086 Max, what are you talking about? 824 01:28:49,171 --> 01:28:51,674 I knew it! You're the head vampire! 825 01:28:51,841 --> 01:28:53,634 Sam, don't start this again. 826 01:28:53,718 --> 01:28:56,345 You're the secret that David was protecting. 827 01:28:58,055 --> 01:28:59,140 Who's this? 828 01:28:59,223 --> 01:29:00,933 But you passed the test. 829 01:29:01,934 --> 01:29:05,646 Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. 830 01:29:05,896 --> 01:29:07,606 It renders you powerless. 831 01:29:08,316 --> 01:29:09,692 Did you know that? 832 01:29:09,775 --> 01:29:10,860 Of course. 833 01:29:10,943 --> 01:29:12,320 Everyone knows that. 834 01:29:12,403 --> 01:29:16,073 Has everyone gone crazy? What's the matter with all of you? 835 01:29:16,991 --> 01:29:19,452 It was you I was after, all along, Lucy. 836 01:29:19,618 --> 01:29:20,619 What? 837 01:29:20,786 --> 01:29:21,871 I knew... 838 01:29:22,788 --> 01:29:26,042 ...that if I could get Sam and Michael into the family... 839 01:29:26,459 --> 01:29:28,210 ...there was no way you could say no. 840 01:29:28,294 --> 01:29:29,754 Where's Michael? 841 01:29:29,962 --> 01:29:32,465 It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. 842 01:29:36,385 --> 01:29:38,554 Just like one big happy family. 843 01:29:41,682 --> 01:29:42,933 Your boys... 844 01:29:44,477 --> 01:29:45,728 ...and my boys. 845 01:29:45,811 --> 01:29:48,439 Great. "The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch. " 846 01:29:49,815 --> 01:29:51,484 I still want you, Lucy. 847 01:29:53,652 --> 01:29:56,030 I haven't changed my mind about that. 848 01:29:56,697 --> 01:29:58,949 I didn't invite you this time, Max! 849 01:29:59,200 --> 01:30:00,785 Michael! 850 01:30:18,177 --> 01:30:19,970 Don't you touch my mother! 851 01:30:29,730 --> 01:30:33,067 Don't fight, Lucy. It's so much better if you don't fight. 852 01:30:34,235 --> 01:30:35,611 Mom, don't! 853 01:30:36,821 --> 01:30:39,031 Don't do it, Mom! Mom, don't do it! 854 01:31:37,464 --> 01:31:39,174 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 855 01:31:59,903 --> 01:32:01,488 It's over. 856 01:32:12,291 --> 01:32:13,792 Is everybody okay? 857 01:32:22,634 --> 01:32:24,303 Oh, my boys. 858 01:32:24,970 --> 01:32:28,057 How much do you think we should charge them for this? 859 01:32:35,814 --> 01:32:36,857 Dad? 860 01:32:43,364 --> 01:32:45,074 Dad, are you all right? 861 01:32:50,704 --> 01:32:54,291 One thing about livin' in Santa Carla I never could stomach... 862 01:32:55,501 --> 01:32:57,544 All the damn vampires.