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WAVES CRASH
MUSIC: "Lost in a Dream" by D. Leland and S. Myers
♪ You won't ♪
♪ Forsake me ♪
♪ To heaven ♪
♪ You take me ♪
♪ Don't try to wake me ♪
♪ I'm just lost in a dream ♪
♪ I know that you won't ♪
♪ Forsake me ♪
♪ To heaven ♪
♪ You take me ♪
♪ Don't try to wake me ♪
♪ I'm just lost in a dream ♪
INDISTINCT CHATTER
INDISTINCT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
HE MOUTHS - SHE MOUTHS
CASH REGISTER CHIMES
And three, thank you. - Thank you.
DOOR BELL RINGS
DOOR SLAMS
INDISTINCT MUSIC ON RADIO
WOMAN: Ouch!
WOMAN: Ow! - HAIRDRESSER: Keep still.
Look, do you mind? You're hurting.
It's all part of the training.
None of us is bloody perfect.
Get your head in there.
Come on, get a move on.
I say, steady on!
Shouldn't I have a hairnet?
Course not, it doesn't matter.
DEVICE WHIRS
You always had small tits and a big bum?
Sorry?
Thought so.
I've put you on gas mark four...
back in two days, alright?
WOMAN: Can I have a magazine?
HAIRDRESSER 2: ...standing side by side.
If you know anything about skipping, you'll know this is quite fascinating.
You stand side by side
and place your near arm round your partner's waist.
I do this with my friend Doris.
Or you can hold inside hands. We do that too.
The swing of the rope must be from the wrist in both cases
otherwise the rope will not turn evenly.
And you can have formation skipping teams of any number.
Would you like to join?
Have I got nice tits or have I got nice tits?
I've got better tits than her.
At least I don't wear bloody falsies.
CUSTOMER: Chevely Wonder... seven to two.
Ought to go. - How much?
A dollar. - Alright.
And cross double it with the other two. - OK.
Lynda?
DEVICE WHIRS
I think you're done, dear.
It's awfully hot under here!
LYNDA: It's always like that.
Oh, bugger! - There's a very unpleasant smell.
Don't fidget! - You didn't give me a magazine.
You're getting a free bloody perm, what do you expect?
Fine.
Good.
Yes.
Yes. You pleased with that? - CUSTOMER: Yes, thank you.
Good.
Oh...
Look.
Look at my hair!
Look what you've done to my hair!
Oh, I don't know.
It looks nice. It's nice.
Look at it! Look at it!
Oh, shut up, you silly fat cow!
You can always wear a hat.
WOMAN SOBS - Lynda, come with me.
People just don't want to hear a lot of filthy talk
when they're having a perm.
Come on, out. - DOOR BELL JINGLES
I did not swear at her.
It's unprofessional and disgusting.
Only took it on to please you.
Look there. Up there. There's an opening waiting.
All yours. Security for life.
This town's full of women crying out for perms.
Hello, Dad. - Hello, Margaret.
Hello, Lynda. - Oh, bugger off!
Watch your...
Just watch it.
Ever since you were a child, you and your disgusting mouth.
Thank you very much.
There's something wrong with you, my girl. - I'm bloody bored.
Language.
Cod or haddock, what do you want? - Cod.
Dog.
WOMAN SINGS ON RADIO
Elizabeth! Lynda, look.
Look, Margaret, look there. That's your dad!
Come on, Margaret.
Millie.
Hello, brother.
Hello, prettiness. You get prettier every day.
Got a kiss for your father?
Is that Lynda?
Take that off, Lynda. Take it off!
Have you bought us any presents?
Where's that kiss for your dad, Lynda?
JOAN: No! I don't believe it. When?
Well, this was before the war.
No! I don't believe it.
Spectacular.
JOAN: On one of the liners? - HUBERT: That's correct.
JOAN: Oh, I just don't believe it, do you?
MILLIE: Don't think the man would lie to us, Joan.
JOAN: Oh, no! I mean, I just can't believe it.
HARRY: Neither can I. - MILLIE: I can.
Oh, you only say that cos you never liked her.
JOAN: Who? - MILLIE: You.
JOAN: Never liked who? - MILLIE: Gracie Fields!
JOAN: I think she screaks.
MILLIE: For goodness' sake! - HARRY: Oh, come on!
JOAN: Your father has cut...
Gracie Fields's hair, how about that then?
Shampoo, set and trim.
JOAN: Shampoo, set and trim.
Don't know what you're talking about.
What? - They think you're off your rocker.
Don't you?
SHE MOUTHS - JOAN: Our Gracie?
HARRY GIGGLES IN SOPRANO
That's Gracie Fields.
MILLIE: Hardly. - I'll get some more water.
Show them the picture, Hubert. - HUBERT: I was going to.
She gave me this. - Oh!
Look at that!
Very nice. - I've not seen this before.
Of course not, woman.
Can I read what it says?
That's a lock of her hair.
JOAN: It's not! - HUBERT AND MILLIE: it is.
INDISTINCT WHISPER
JOAN: "To Hubert...
With thanks and good wishes.
Gracie Fields."
Lynda just said "up your bum".
And "pig's willy".
Out.
Go on, out. - Hubert...
Out. - Don't be hard on the girl.
I have not travelled the oceans of the world to come home to language like that.
SMACK ON BOTTOM - Bed!
What's the matter?
What's all the fuss about, eh?
I wish he hadn't come home.
I wish he'd stayed at sea with bloody Gracie Fields.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Hey, no cycling!
LYNDA: Up your bum.
Lynda!
Lynda, say hello to your Uncle Harry.
Give us a chance. - Hello, Lynda.
Your Uncle Harry... - Uncle Harry.
Your Uncle Harry's got a job for you. You start tomorrow.
HARRY: if you want it. - HUBERT: She wants it.
Start tomorrow at eight if that's alright?
Well, you better get home to bed then. - Good.
See you at eight, get you started.
I'm sure you'll be very happy.
Where? Where do I have to be tomorrow at eight?
The garage, the bus company!
MEN WOLF WHISTLE AND CHEER
INDISTINCT CHATTER
MEN CHATTER IN DISTANCE
Hello.
- LYNDA GIGGLES
What you laughing at?
It's hot.
Warm work, riding bikes.
I fancy you, actually.
You can take me to the pictures if you want, there's a Betty Grable film on at the Dome.
Can take me if you want.
Yeah, maybe.
Do you think I've got legs like Betty Grable?
I don't know.
You can take me on Saturday night, I'll buy my own ticket.
Alright.
Bye!
Brian?
Betty Grable!
MEN LAUGH
BUS ENGINE STARTS
Hello. - Hello.
Not seen you here before.
No. - Why not?
Not been here, have I, drip?
BUS HORN BLARES
Would you like to come dancing with me?
The Rex, Saturday night. - Lynda.
I'm a good dancer.
I can't, I've already got a date.
Morning, Mr Figgis!
This way please, you're late.
You don't know what you're missing. - Neither do you.
MUSIC: "Cornish Rhapsody" by Hubert Bath
MUSIC CONTINUES
MUSIC SWELLS
MUSIC CONTINUES
MUSIC SWELLS
It's not Betty Grable.
What?
It's not Betty Grable.
This is not a Betty Grable film.
I know...
dri-p.
MARGARET LOCKWOOD: ...starting something I can't finish.
Giving you happiness for a little while and...
and then... - Oh, darling.
Happiness such as we can have is worth grasping
even if it's only for a day, an hour...
if you can stand on the highest peak for one moment
you've had what most people strive in vain for all their lives.
LOCKWOOD: lf only I could believe it. - Darling, listen to me.
You say you've only a few months.
Well, how long has anyone in the world? How long have I?
A month, a year? Well, perhaps I'll get away with it altogether
and so may you.
But we're all living dangerously.
There isn't any certainty anymore.
There's just today and the hope of tomorrow.
Oh, darling.
Please, jet's... jet's take all the happiness we can
while we can.
Don't be afraid.
LOCKWOOD: Alright, my darling.
I won't be afraid.
I'll never be afraid anymore.
LYNDA SOBS
What's the matter, Lynda?
What's the matter?
MUSIC SWELLS
SHE SOBS
Lynda.
Lynda?
What's the matter?
Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
I liked it. It was nice, silly bugger!
INDISTINCT CHATTER
USHER: Now then, now then, none of that here!
Steady on! - What do you think you're doing?
This is a picture palace, not a brothel.
I'm sorry, sir, very sorry.
I'll be talking to your parents.
Oh, please! I'm sorry, it won't happen again.
It's disgusting.
Oh, sod the pair of you!
I'll be talking to your father.
Bloody good luck to you!
USHER: Here, get off before I kick your arse.
Go on, or I'll kick your arse!
DOG BARKS
Yes, sir?
MEN JEER AND WHISTLE
And... they go right up to my belly button.
ALL: Oh!
Marks and Spencer's, do you like them?
THEY CHEER - They look nice, don't they?
MEN CLAMOUR
MAN: Get them out!
Do you like my suspenders?
What about the knickers?
Whoa! - MEN CHEER
MEN WHISTLE
Stop! Stop! Stop this!
ALL: Oh! - Out!
You're fired. - ALL: Boo!
You're all fired! - THEY CHEER
No, no, no! You're not.
Just you, you're fired.
THEY BOO - You lot, out!
Back to the buses. Get back!
But I was only showing them my new knickers, Mr Figgis.
Look! - MEN CHEER
♪ Upstairs and downstairs ♪
♪ In my lady’s chamber ♪
♪ Goosey, goosey, gander ♪
♪ Where did I wander? ♪
♪ Upstairs and downstairs ♪
♪ In my lady’s chamber ♪
♪ Then I saw an old man ♪
♪ Didn't say his prayers ♪
♪ Took him by the left leg ♪
♪ And threw him down the stairs ♪
♪ Goosey, goosey, gander ♪
♪ Where did I wander? ♪
DOOR SLAMS
Your father says you've, uh...
sworn constantly since you were a child.
My first word was bum.
Really?
He's very worried about your, er... - Swearing.
Yes, that's right, and your...
your behaviour.
As I said, I'm, er...
I'm here to help you. - That's nice.
Mm.
Once we discover what kind of help you need.
Good.
Do you know what a psychiatrist is?
No. - You don't?
Do you resent coming here?
No, why should I?
I thought it'd make a nice day out.
I tell you what we'll do, Lynda.
Do you mind if I call you Lynda?
I prefer that to Beryl.
Is Beryl your second name?
No!
I tell you what we'll do.
Let's go through the alphabet. We'll start at A.
Best place.
And I want you to tell me all the swear words you know
beginning with A.
Then we'll go on to, er... - B.
And so on. Do you get the picture?
So... A. The letter A.
Arse. - Arse. Good.
Do you really want me to do this?
You feel foolish, do you, when you swear? - No.
Only when I'm sat here like this.
Do you feel guilty? - What about?
Let's go on.
Arse... - Hole.
Hole? - Arse.
Hole. - Yeah, that's it.
Ah, good, yes.
And holes. - Holes.
Of course.
Let's move on to B.
Leave those behind, ha-ha.
B.
Bloody, bastard, bugger, bum. - Very good.
And holes. - Holes.
Bum. - Holes.
Yes, of course, very good.
LIGHTER CLICKS
PSYCHIATRIST: Now, Lynda...
C.
We missed balls.
So we did, never mind. C.
C...
No. - Take your time.
Can't think of nothing.
Think very hard now.
The letter C.
Something very filthy.
Very, very dirty.
Cacka?
Cacka. Poo-poos.
Are you feeling ashamed? - What of?
Of what you're really thinking. - I'm not thinking of anything.
Yes, you are. - No, I'm not.
Very well then. D.
Damn. - Precisely.
F. The letter F.
We've missed out E. - There isn't one with E.
There might be. - There isn't, take my word for it.
We could give it a try. - F.
Can you think of a filthy, dirty, smutty word
beginning with F?
Not too hard, I should think, Lynda. - No.
Come on, come on, of course you can. - I can't.
Of course you can. I can, anybody can.
Well, what then? You tell me.
You must be one of the last people on God's Earth who doesn't know.
Everybody knows a swear word with F.
Well then, what are you asking me for?
Because I want to hear you say it.
You dirty old bugger.
It's difficult to be sure without further investigations
but I would conjecture that something has most definitely happened to Lynda
during the course of her adolescence.
Her mother died when she was 11
would that have anything to do with it? - Possibly.
What can I do? - PATIENT SINGS SOFTLY
I'm ashamed of her, Doctor, she's an embarrassment.
Is there nothing you can do? - She's a difficult case.
Can you make some more appointments for her?
Will it cost the same for each visit? - Yes, it will.
HUBERT: Then I'm not sure that it's worth it.
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS
Thank you, thank you.
And now, ladies and gentlemen
we have a star number for you
from our featured vocalist, Rudy Stephenson.
And he's going to sing for all you sweethearts and lovers.
SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE
And also for Trevor Wilson and Tessa Phipps
who became engaged today. - MIC FEEDBACK
CROWD CHEERS
Thank you. We'd like you to dance nice and close together now
as Rudy gives you his own very special rendition
of that all-time favourite, Lost In A Dream.
BAND PLAYS "LOST IN A DREAM"
♪ Wen it comes to dreams ♪
♪ Love has always played the leading part ♪
♪ I don't play for dimes and nickels ♪
♪ I don't play to be the last ♪
♪ Wen it comes to love ♪
♪ I shoot first, shoot to kill ♪
♪ I aim straight for the heart ♪
♪ You won't forsake me ♪
♪ To heaven you'll take me ♪
♪ Don't try to wake me ♪
♪ I'm just lost in a dream ♪
♪ Don't try to wake me ♪
♪ Cos I'm just lost in a dream ♪
SHE SNIFFS
This is my grandma's bedroom.
That's your grandma's bed.
What did you, er, tell your dad?
I'm staying with my friend, Pauline.
Where's your gran?
Tunbridge Wells.
She's gonna leave me this house in her will.
You alright in there?
DAVE: I'll be out in a minute.
You've been in there bloody hours.
You get into bed.
I might fall asleep.
Cor...
Look at you.
Do you fancy me?
Not half as much as you fancy yourself.
What kind of cigarette is that?
Du Maurier.
Really? - They're the best.
Toothpaste.
I'm going to make love to you.
Do bloody hope so.
Like you've never been made love to before.
Shouldn't be too difficult.
I'm going to do it to you...
right now.
I might have a baby. I just thought I'd mention it before we go too far.
Oh, no chance.
I'm not so dolly dumb as I look, you know.
Don't worry.
Dave thinks of everything.
Oh, Durrex!
Durex. - My dad sells these, what are they for?
To stop you having babies.
What?
Crafty bugger!
No wonder he hides them under the counter.
Urgh!
You don't have to eat them, do you?
No.
They're plonkers. What the Yanks call condoms.
You've been done, mate. There's not one in this packet.
That's cos I'm wearing it.
Are you?
Yes, I am.
Oh! So you are.
Come on, Dave, quick, let's do it.
Oh, hang on.
SHE GIGGLES
SHE LAUGHS - Alright...
What you laughing at? - I'm not, I'm not...
SHE GIGGLES - Hold on, hold on.
Ooh, ow!
Oh...
HE GRUNTS
What do we do now?
Oh, Lynda...
Any more fares...
please!
HE GRUNTS
Oh.
That was quick.
Did you like it?
Oh, it was nice, but, um
quicker than I expected.
Don't worry.
Is it always as quick as that?
No, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.
We've got all night.
That's good.
Then you'd better swallow another one of these.
THEY GIGGLE
DOGS GROWL AND BARK
CHURCH BELL RINGS
What was that?
KNOCK ON DOOR
Oh, my God, who is it?
Bloomin' heck... - Dave, who is it?
It's my dad!
Wait a sec.
Wait a sec... - DOORBELL RINGS
if it's my dad, tell him I'm not here!
MAN: David!
It's me uncle.
Are you in there, David? - Oh, my God!
I have to let him in. - No!
Under, quick. - What?
Get under the bed.
Come on, quick!
He's got a key.
If he's got a key, what's he knocking on the bloody door for?
You up there, David?
What you doing in your grandmother's bed?
DAVE: What's it look like?
UNCLE: Your grandma know you're sleeping in her bed?
DAVE: Course she does.
UNCLE: if she comes back from Tunbridge Wells
and finds you in her bed, there'll be trouble.
DAVE: Yeah, alright, so what? - UNCLE: Mitch!
I've been given to understand you brought a girl home here last night.
DAVE: What?
UNCLE: Mitch... - DAVE: Who told you that?
UNCLE: Never you mind.
DAVE: Went dancing last night.
UNCLE: At the Rex?
DAVE: But I never brought no girl home, Uncle Brian, not me.
I wouldn't dream of such a thing, Uncle Brian.
UNCLE: I should hope not.
You should be out, this time of day. You should be out doing something.
DAVE: Where you been, church?
Taking the dog for a walk.
Keeping an eye on things.
DOOR SHUTS
The bloody dog's got one of your plonkers! - I know!
SHE LAUGHS
Come on, for God's sake.
DOORBELL RINGS - MARGARET: Alright, I'm sorry.
Your dad in?
What do you want? - Dad in?
No. - No?
He's not back yet.
Not back yet? Do you mind if I come in?
Stand there like a bloody dummy, I don't care.
INAUDIBLE CHATTER
I don't know where he is.
I never said you did.
LYNDA: So what you staring at, then?
You, er...
You gonna take up hairdressing like your dad?
No, thanks.
Reckon you could give me a trim? - Get the pudding basin.
I'll give it a try.
So, you're the troublesome one, eh?
What do you mean? - "What do you mean?"
That's what your dad says.
Says you're a troublesome bugger.
Can't wait to get rid of you.
Why are you limping?
What do you mean?
You got something the matter with your leg?
No, why?
You got something the matter with yours?
Don't think so, no.
Think you're it, don't you, hm?
What do you mean? - "What do you mean?"
Troublesome bugger.
Think you're God's gift, don't you?
Think I'm alright, thank you very much.
DRESS RUSTLES
I think you're all the same.
Don't know what you've got it for.
All you young girls...
you're scared.
All talk.
Scared of a real man, ain't you? Eh?
You bugger.
You dirty bugger.
Where's your sister? Eh?
Girl Guides, she's gone to Girl Guides.
DOOR OPENS
I'll see you later out the back when the pub's shut.
That's what you think.
Hubert!
Oh, Eric, how did we do?
Not so bad, not so bad. - I want a word with you.
I'm going out. - HUBERT: Are you?
Great Eastern, Blue Boy, Tee's Delight. On the nose, cross doubles and a treble.
Everyone a winner. - Very nice, very nice.
LYNDA IMITATES HIM: Very nice.
Here...
sixteen pounds there.
Seven and...
six.
You're a toff. Here.
Oh, thanks. - Stay for a drink?
Oh, no, no, got to push on. - LYNDA IMITATES HIM: Got to push on.
Come on, parrot. - Parrot.
Show the man to the door. - Yes, Dad.
She's a lovely girl though, Hubert, isn't she?
You think so? - Oh, yeah, lovely girl.
Then make me an offer. - Eh?
Ah! - THEY LAUGH
Ha-ha.
Make me an offer! No reasonable offer refused.
Half a dollar, on the nose? - Done.
Eh? - THEY LAUGH
Hope your finger stinks. - I'll see you later.
Cock off.
DOOR OPENS
Hey!
Hey! Where do you think you're going?
Out!
Oh, no, you're not. - Oh, yes, I am.
You're not, I'm telling you, you're not.
You stay in for a change.
I stay in, look after boring you-know-who
you go to the pub or club. Lovely!
Wrong. Freemasons.
Same thing. Yap, yap, yap, yap.
Bit of this, bit of that, then on to the pub or club with Long John Silver.
It's all bloody boozing.
Lynda, I don't want to hear it.
I won't have that kind of talk. Do you hear? I won't have it!
Get rid of me then. Make me an offer, ha-ha.
You keep away from bus conductors.
Bus conductor! Look at you, that's just about your...
I'm ashamed to be your father.
Oh, cock off!
Hey! You're not too old, madam!
Remember that!
Bloody...
God!
DOORBELL RINGS
LYNDA: No cycling on the path!
Up your bum!
You'll have to wait a bloody long time, Mr Stinky Finger
parrot chops, Long John Silver.
SHE HUMS
♪ Up your bum ♪
SHE HUMS
Up your bum, Mr Long John Silver.
♪ Up your bum ♪
♪ Up... your... bum ♪
Up your bum!
♪ Up your bum, up your bum ♪
♪ Up your bum, up your bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! ♪
♪ Up your bum, up your bum! ♪
♪ Up your bum, up your bum, up your bum! ♪
♪ Up your bum! ♪
♪ Up your bum, up your bum! ♪
♪ Up your bum, up your bum! Up your bum! ♪
♪ Up your bum! ♪
What's going on down there?
Just trying to find the cat, Mrs Fartley.
Puss, puss, puss, puss, puss!
Oh! Ooh...
Next.
Two sixes ple--
Can I have two sixes, please?
Two sixes.
Open or closed?
Er, open, please.
Two sixes. A shilling, please.
Sorry I haven't got anything, er, bigger.
No bother, we can use the change.
Next!
MAN: I want two cod and fours
a cod and six, a plaice and six
two threes, three fours and a couple of sixes.
All with crispy bits.
Open or closed? - Closed.
Two cod and four, a cod and six, what else?
A plaice and six
two threes, three fours
and a couple of sixes, all with crispy bits.
"Please"! - Please.
Cock off.
LYNDA: Dave?
Yeah, I'll see you later on.
Hello, Lynda.
There, you bugger, that's for you.
Lynda, I'm sorry.
Too bloody late.
DISTANT FOOTSTEPS
DISTANT GIGGLING
INDISTINCT CHATTER - WOMAN GIGGLES
WOMAN: Ooh!
Hello, it's me. Troublesome bugger, remember?
About bloody time. - Cheeky sod.
What you hanging about here for? - Collecting bets.
Come and stand over by this wall.
Shh. This way.
Come on.
Come on, hurry up.
Have you got a match?
MATCH STRIKES
Can I have my matches back?
Mr Mingy.
What's this?
There.
How many you had on there?
Oh, a few.
How many bus conductors? - Oh, loads.
I'm not fussy, that's why I'm here with you.
I hear you had a bust-up with your boyfriend.
LYNDA: Word gets round quick, don't it?
All the little tongues go clack, clack, clack.
What's all this then?
I come here to sleep
to escape my dad and boring bloody sister.
Who with?
You.
What you got down there, then?
Don't know, have to have a look. - "Have a look?"
Do you love me?
No, I don't love anybody.
Not even myself.
Bloody hell.
Come on.
Think you're it, don't you? - You said that before.
Then I must be right.
You don't know how lucky you are, I'm practically a virgin.
ERIC: Mm...
You've still got your pants on.
Not for long.
Mm...
DISTANT LATCH CLATTERS
SHE WHISPERS: Oh, my God, it's my dad!
It's my dad! - Quiet!
Shh!
HINGE CREAKS
Oh!
I'm very sorry, madam, the, er...
the gate was open, and I thought you might have intruders.
Beg your pardon.
DISTANT DOG BARKS
Oh, my God. Bloody hell.
If he wakes my dad, we're both dead!
I thought it was him, I really did.
Don't light the candle, if he comes out here, we're dead.
Shut up and come down here.
Oh, my heart. - Come here.
Come on.
I'm shaking like a bag of jelly, can you feel?
We left the bloody gate open.
What's the worry? Forget it.
I thought it was him. - What's it matter?
I can take care of your old man, you take care of mine.
Oh, thank God it wasn't him. - What's it matter?
He don't care. - Who?
Your dad. Can't wait to get shot of you.
Half a dollar.
That's what you think. - That's what I know.
What do you mean? - "What do you mean?"
He told me.
He can't wait to get rid of you.
Says you're a bloody nuisance, which you are.
He's fed up looking after you.
Big girl like you, should be looking after yourself.
So what if he does come in here? I don't care.
Mm?
Can't do it now.
Why not? - I'm scared.
No, you're not leaving here until you do.
You have to wear a plonker. - Nah.
I'm not doing it unless you do.
You don't know what you're missing.
No plonker, no nookie.
Look, I'm an expert. I know what I'm doing, I'll look after you.
Look, I'm a cowboy, didn't you know that, eh?
The best bare-back riders in town.
Mm...
♪ There's some cotton thread and needles for the folks away up yonder ♪
♪ A shovel for a miner who left his home to wander ♪
♪ Some rheumatism pills for the settlers in the hills ♪
♪ Get along, mule! ♪ - Woo!
♪ Get along ♪
Big finish.
♪ Get along, mule ♪
♪ Get along! ♪
THEY CHEER
INDISTINCT CHATTER
That was wonderful! Truly wonderful.
I have to give you a big kiss for that.
Come here!
THEY WHOOP
You should be a professional. - Oh, I am, I am!
THEY LAUGH - You too, Harry.
Whoa-ho!
Any more? Any more?
THEY GIGGLE - Any more?
What about you, Auntie Millie?
Oh, I suppose so, why not?
You make me sound like some old woman. - HE CHUCKLES
You too, Joan.
JOAN: Oh, I thought you'd have to have a go at me.
He's not fussy.
And...
the lovely Lynda.
Isn't she lovely?
Lovely.
♪ In, out, in, out, shake it all about ♪
♪ You do the hokey cokey and you turn around ♪
♪ And that's what it's all about ♪
♪ Oh, hokey cokey cokey! ♪
♪ Knees bend, arms stretch, ra ra ra! ♪
HUBERT: Your mother wouldn't approve.
LYNDA: Pity she's not here to say.
She'd have shown you the door.
LYNDA: I've seen it.
HE SIGHS
I'm a respected man, Lynda.
A freemason.
I know that doesn't mean much to you.
Why should it?
I'm not here to be made a bloody fool of, Lynda.
There's such a thing as dignity.
HE SIGHS
You seem to think you're smart
but I'm afraid you'll end up the bloody fool.
Just don't do it in my house.
I don't want to be witness to that kind of spectacle.
What about Maisie Mathews?
I'm a man.
I don't know why you've turned out the way you have.
HE SCOFFS God knows.
You're in such a rush.
Why be in such a rush about it all?
DOOR SHUTS
SEABIRDS CRY - WURLITZER ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
What's this?
I've left him.
Who? - Who? Him!
And my boring bloody sister.
She said she wants to join the army.
I thought she meant the Sally Army, but she means the army.
How'd you get in? - It's not locked, is it?
You said you wanted me through the night. You've got me now.
Father's blessing. Good riddance.
Can bugger off if you want.
Now...
SHOE CLATTERS
Come here.
Cuddle me, please.
I'll clear up.
It's a bloody mess in here.
You stink of booze and fags.
You stink of chip fat.
It's this.
No, it's not.
Take it off.
You'd better take this off and all.
I can just fit you in before the Novices Handicap at Kempton.
SHE SOBS
Oh, come on, come on. What's all the fuss?
Hold me, please. Just hold me.
What's the matter?
Gone off it, have you? Not gonna do it anymore?
No!
We'll have to ring the papers about that, won't we?
I'll go to Bournemouth. - You what?
"You what?" Bournemouth.
If you don't want me, I'll run away to bloody Bournemouth.
Course I want you.
They don't have fish and chip shops in Bournemouth, you know.
Or sheds.
Now, what would you do without fish and chips
sheds and my old man, eh?
Hey? - SHE CHUCKLES
Come on.
Come on. That's it.
SHE SOBS
Come on, lovey.
MUSIC: "Für Elise" by Beethoven
Hold it still, ladies. Very still.
Hold it just like that, ladies.
Very still.
Thank you.
Ahem. - Oh!
"FÜR ELISE" CONTINUES
For you, sir. - Thank you.
Thank you, madam. - Thank you so much.
Can I help you, sir?
Cup of tea, please.
We don't serve cups of tea, sir.
Only pots. That's teapots, not piss pots.
Although we can always make exceptions.
If you want a cup of tea, you must go to the caff
with all the other riffraff.
This is a café. - Pot of tea then.
Smartarse.
Language. - And a bit of cake.
Or a bun.
Bath bun, Chelsea bun, currant bun, honey bun, up your bum.
Fairy buns, seed cake, cherry cake, fruit cake
ginger cake, Eccles cake, teacake, lemon cakes
Swiss rolls, dinkie rolls
jam sandwiches, macaroons, cheese straws and scones.
I'll just have the tea.
"Please."
Please. - Thank you.
Him, there. Can you see? - WAITRESS: Yeah.
Right, serve him, will you, Vickie?
And if he asks where I've gone, tell him I've gone to Singa-bloody-pore.
Tea, sir.
Where's the... Where's the other young lady?
Pardon? - Where's the waitress who took my order?
Oh, you mean the waitress who took your order, sir.
That's right.
She's got an urgent call and had to leave, sir.
Where to?
Singa-bloody-pore, sir.
WOMEN GIGGLE
INDISTINCT CHATTER
There he is...
Shh! Shh! There he is. There he is.
VICKIE GIGGLES
He thinks I've gone to Singa-bloody-pore!
THEY GIGGLE
ERIC: Lynda!
THEY LAUGH - INDISTINCT CHATTER
Shh!
Lynda.
I wish he'd clear off.
THEY GIGGLE
Go away! Clear off!
Lynda!
Why don't you just bugger off? Go away!
Can't you see where you're not wanted?
I don't need none of you, just bugger off!
Lyndie!
"Lyndie", oh, I say! Never called me Lyndie before.
Must be after something. Ha, bloody, ha!
But I miss you. I came to see you.
I bet I know what you're missing! - Look, you just cleared off!
I come back, you'd gone.
I thought you'd still be there, I really did.
Oh... just bugger off, I don't want to think about it.
What's to think about? Come on, I'll take you for a drink.
You're just after your oats! - And your mate.
I'll take you both for a drink. A meal, if you want.
Oh, look out, Vickie, he's after the two of us!
Ah, bet you're missing it as well! - Do you?
How much? How much do you want to bet?
I wouldn't want to take your money.
Lynda up the duff, then?
What odds do you put on that, eh? Mr Clever Dick, eh?
Oh, look, that's shut his gob. That's put a crease in his brand-new suit!
I don't believe you. - Don't you?
You're joking! - Am I?
I don't believe you!
How?
How what?
How do you know?
You're the one that should know! You put it up me, Mr Bareback Rider.
You knew when you were gonna spunk. How the hell was I supposed to know?
No, you soft cow! I mean how do you know?
Are you sure? - You're the one all eyes.
Look! Can't you see? - No, I can't.
All you see is tits and arses.
Have you seen a doctor? - Huh!
Then how do you know it's mine?
If it walks with a limp and thinks with its prick, then it's yours.
But how do you know? I don't know that, do I?
You stupid...
VICKIE: Lynda! - Get off!
Get off! - VICKIE: Lynda!
Get off! - LYNDA: Get off of me! Get off!
ERIC GRUNTS
VICKIE: Lynda, stop it!
LYNDA: Leave me alone! - ERIC: Piss off, you...
Leave... me... alone!
ERIC: Piss off!
Whoops-a-daisy.
Lynda, come on.
Here we are.
I'm sure this is it.
Where's the paper?
SHE WHISPERS: This is it.
Doesn't look too bad.
What does she do? Did Doris say?
No.
Is it knitting needles and all that?
I don't know.
How much?
Where am I gonna get that sort of money?
Come on, let's go and have a cup of tea.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
PIANO PLAYS A WALTZ
TRAY CLATTERS - Oh, sorry, madam. Sorry.
Yes, what do you want?
Can I help you, sir?
From the moment you walked through that door, I thought
"That's my daughter, and she's a slut."
Thank you, sir. Will that be all, sir?
Don't be clever, Lynda. From where I'm sitting you don't look clever.
I know why you're here and I don't wanna discuss it.
So, do you want a pot of tea or would you just prefer to clear off?
I'm disgusted, Lynda. - With lemon, sir?
I thought I could have a perfectly reasonable conversation with you.
I thought I could come here and... - I don't want you here, I'm at work.
And I've got Hermann Goebbels breathing down my neck.
Just clear off. - I thought I could have
a reasonable conversation with you but all I wanna do now is clout you one.
LYNDA: Would you like a pot of tea first, sir?
Listen to you and your mouth! Look where it's got you.
Dad, I can't discuss it. Will you just go away? I need this job!
You're gonna need more than a job. - Oh, please, just bugger off!
Is anything the matter, Miss Mansell?
Is everything to your satisfaction, sir? - No, it's not.
"Anything the matter, Miss Mansell? Everything to your satisfaction, sir?"
You see, what can you do? How do you put up with it?
Oh, shut up!
This is disgraceful. Go to the kitchen immediately, Miss Mansell.
No, I won't go to the kitchen. Stuff the bloody kitchen.
HUBERT: Just watch your mouth! - Please!
This is what it's like, you see, this is what you get.
Now you can begin to see my side of it. - Oh, please, just bugger off!
Now, please! - I said "please".
Do you see? - Look, what is going on?
What is going on? - I've given a lot of time.
Please, sir!
Made a lot of sacrifices. - Oh, God!
Though God knows, you wouldn't think it. - What are you staring at, you old bag?
Please. Mrs...
Madam... please. - Well, she is an old bag!
That is enough! - Lynda!
Allow me to apologise. - She comes every day.
Disgraceful! Quite unprecedented. - She whinges about everything.
Yap, yap, yap, yap, every bloody day.
That is enough. Language, please!
Well, it's true, what's wrong with the truth?
You're fired! You are dismissed.
Get out. - No, I won't.
This one goes around with his brown nose up in the air
down on the carpet, la-di-dah this, la-di-dah that.
The cook spits in the buns
and we all piss in the teapots.
That is enough. Out! - She's a bad lot, that's the truth.
Nothing but trouble, that's the way it's always been.
This is my father speaking.
Ever since she could speak, she's uttered nothing but filth.
From the day she uttered her first word, her tongue's caused nothing but trouble.
This is my father. - Sometimes I doubt it.
An insult to my dead mother. - I'm sorry but this cannot go on.
I'm up the duff! That's what's up his nose. I'm pregnant! In the club!
Right, that's it! That's enough.
LYNDA: A man's willy has entered my person
and left a little visitor behind! - Get down.
This is a matter for the police. - LYNDA: This is the man
who once gave one to Gracie Fields. - Down!
I'm calling the police.
A member of the British Legion... - Get down!
Am I the only one who does it? - This is not my daughter!
What do you lot do, eh? - Not my daughter.
What do you play with in bed at night, eh? - I disown her!
Hands up all those that like willies, I do!
PIANO MUSIC STOPS - The police are coming.
Balls! - Ladies and gentlemen...
I would like to apologise for this disgraceful display.
So what, I'm up the duff, who cares?
I will settle. - I like willies!
Get her down!
All these teas on me. Right?
Sex! All of you! All you old bags
look as if you could do with a nice bit of hot willy!
Get her down!
Sex!
CROCKERY CLATTERS
PLATE ROLLS
SHE SNIFFS
INDISTINCT CHATTER ON FILM
WOMAN ON FILM: It's getting kinda close to the New Year and I'm feeling sentimental.
I'm gonna sing a song that means a lot to me and...
to somebody else.
And if you don't like it, that's just too bad.
After all, I own the joint.
♪ it had to be you ♪
♪ I wandered around ♪
♪ Finally found ♪
♪ The somebody who... ♪
♪ Could make me be true ♪
♪ Could make me be blue ♪
♪ And even be glad, just to be sad... ♪ MUSIC FADES
How long is it now?
Three months, more or less.
It's not too late.
No.
What happened?
When?
Your father came home very sorry for himself. Whatever happened?
Silly bugger.
I stood on a chair in the Paris Tearooms and shouted.
I can't remember what I said. It was terrible.
He offered to pay for everyone's teas.
You didn't need to do that.
Not to your father.
I'm not coming back, you know.
No matter what.
Where you gonna go then?
Who's gonna want you with a baby?
Where you gonna live?
Not in that dump.
Nobody's asking you to, my dear.
Things like this don't happen in that sort of town.
I just see your father's face.
Go down well at the Freemasons.
Didn't have to stick with you, you know, when your mum died.
Nor your sister.
Boring bloody sister. - Now, you leave her alone, she's alright.
Thank God she's not like you. Two of you like that, my God!
He could have put you in a home, you know.
Not many men would have done what he did on his own with two young girls.
He didn't love me. - Oh, yes, he did.
He didn't show it.
Can't show that kind of thing, not in this day and age.
You're a pretty young thing...
you're funny, but you're pretty.
Could get yourself a nice husband. Somebody who'd really look after you.
Do you think?
Yeah, I do.
But not like that.
Who's going to want you like that?
It's not too late. Not yet.
Would you know where to go if you wanted to get rid of it?
It's alright for you to say that. It's not you that has to do it.
No. That's right, Lyndie, you're right.
What if I had it?
Then have it adopted.
You must've thought about it.
You keep that kid and nobody'll want you.
Nobody'll want to know you, nobody'll want to own you. Nobody.
Forget the whole thing, bury it. That's my advice.
Nobody need know a thing about it.
Christ, it's tough enough, you don't have to go round banging your head with a hammer.
Look at me.
Look at your father.
Well, I'm hardly ancient, neither's he.
I lost Bill, he lost your mum, and we're on our own, stuck!
There's always enough pain.
What about Maisie Mathews?
Well, why shouldn't he?
What's he expected to do the rest of his life?
SHE SIGHS Wish I had somebody.
I hope he used a plonker. I'd hate to see what'd come out of her.
That's good advice, coming from you.
You're gonna have to make your own mind up.
I've got to go. - Not yet.
It's the buses.
I spent ages waiting for you.
I'm sorry. - Here.
Now, think about what I said.
You've got to look after yourself, Lyndie.
Here.
Would you know where to go if that's what you decided?
To get rid of it? - If that's what you decided.
I could find out.
I'm going to go, so just you take care.
DOOR SHUTS
MUSIC: "Soave sia il Vento" from Cosi fan Tutte by Mozart
MUSIC CONTINUES THROUGH RECORD PLAYER
BRAKES SQUEAL
INDISTINCT CHATTER
There you go.
There he is.
BABY GURGLES
WURLITZER ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS
Hello, you lot. Hello, Brian.
Yes, it's mine.
All mine.
DUCKS QUACK
DOORBELL RINGS
SHE COOS
WAVES CRASH
MUSIC: "Lost in a Dream" by D. Leland and S. Myers
♪ Love has always played a leading part ♪
♪ I don't play for dimes and nickels ♪
♪ I don't play to be the last ♪
♪ Wen it comes to love ♪
♪ I shoot first, shoot to kill ♪
♪ I aim straight for the heart ♪
♪ You won't ♪
♪ Forsake me ♪
♪ To heaven ♪
♪ You take me ♪
♪ Don't try ♪
♪ To wake me ♪
♪ I'm just lost in a dream ♪
♪ You won't ♪
♪ Forsake me ♪
♪ To heaven ♪
♪ You take me ♪
♪ Don't try ♪
♪ To wake me ♪
♪ I'm just lost in a dream ♪
MUSIC STOPS