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Macon: THE BUSINESS TRAVELER SHOULD BRING
ONLY WHAT FITS IN A CARRY-ON BAG.
CHECKING YOUR LUGGAGE IS ASKING FOR TROUBLE.
ADD SEVERAL TRAVEL-SIZE PACKETS OF DETERGENT
SO YOU WON'T FALL INTO THE HANDS
OF UNFAMILIAR LAUNDRIES.
THERE ARE VERY FEW NECESSITIES IN THIS WORLD
WHICH DO NOT COME IN TRAVEL-SIZE PACKETS.
ONE SUIT IS PLENTY
IF YOU TAKE ALONG TRAVEL-SIZE PACKETS OF SPOT REMOVER.
THE SUIT SHOULD BE MEDIUM GRAY.
GRAY NOT ONLY HIDES THE DIRT,
BUT IS HANDY FOR SUDDEN FUNERALS.
ALWAYS BRING A BOOK AS PROTECTION AGAINST STRANGERS.
MAGAZINES DON'T LAST,
AND NEWSPAPERS FROM ELSEWHERE REMIND YOU
YOU DON'T BELONG.
BUT DON'T TAKE MORE THAN ONE BOOK.
IT IS A COMMON MISTAKE
TO OVERESTIMATE ONE'S POTENTIAL FREE TIME
AND CONSEQUENTLY OVERPACK.
IN TRAVEL, AS IN MOST OF LIFE,
LESS IS INVARIABLY MORE.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
NEVER TAKE ALONG ANYTHING ON YOUR JOURNEY
SO VALUABLE OR DEAR
THAT ITS LOSS...
WOULD DEVASTATE YOU.
I'M SORRY I'M SO FAT.
NAME'S LUCAS LOOMIS.
MACON LEARY.
YOU A BALTIMORE MAN?
YES.
ME, TOO.
GREATEST CITY ON THE EARTH.
ONE OF THESE SEATS
IS NOT REALLY ENOUGH FOR ME.
THE STUPID THING IS, I TRAVEL FOR A LIVING.
I DEMONSTRATE SOFTWARE TO COMPUTER STORES.
WHAT DO YOU DO, MR. LEARY?
I WRITE TRAVEL GUIDEBOOKS.
IS THAT SO? WHAT KIND?
WELL, UH...
GUIDES FOR BUSINESSMEN,
PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU, I GUESS.
ACCIDENTAL TOURIST.
WELL, YES.
AM I RIGHT?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
LOOK AT THIS.
GRAY SUIT. JUST WHAT YOU RECOMMEND.
APPROPRIATE FOR ALL OCCASIONS.
SEE MY LUGGAGE?
CARRY-ON.
CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR. CLEAN SHIRT.
PACKET OF DETERGENT POWDER.
OH, GOOD.
YOU'RE MY HERO.
YOU'VE IMPROVED MY TRIPS 100%.
I TELL MY WIFE,
"GOING WITH THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST
IS LIKE GOING IN A COCOON."
THIS IS VERY NICE TO HEAR.
I'VE FLOWN TO OREGON
AND HARDLY KNEW I LEFT BALTIMORE.
EXCELLENT.
I SEE YOU HAVE YOUR BOOK FOR PROTECTION THERE.
HA HA HA!
IT DIDN'T WORK WITH ME, THOUGH, DID IT?
UH-UH.
[THUNDER]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOG BARKING]
HELLO, SARAH.
HELLO, MACON.
YOU MADE GOOD TIME COMING FROM THE AIRPORT.
WE ACTUALLY LANDED EARLY, EVEN WITH THE STORM.
I MADE YOU SOME TEA.
THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, SARAH.
SO HOW WAS ATLANTA?
ABOUT THE SAME...
PEACHTREE ROAD, PEACHTREE CENTER,
PEACHTREE FIRE HYDRANT.
COME HERE.
[WHISTLES]
HELLO, EDWARD.
HERE'S A BOY.
HOW'S YOUR EARS?
OK.
I THINK HE STILL EXPECTS ETHAN TO COME HOME,
EVEN AFTER A YEAR.
MACON?
MACON.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU...
BUT I CAN'T LIVE WITH YOU ANYMORE.
WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I WANT A DIVORCE, MACON.
I RENTED AN APARTMENT DOWNTOWN.
HONEY, LISTEN. IT'S BEEN A HARD YEAR.
WE'VE HAD A HARD TIME.
PEOPLE WHO LOSE A CHILD OFTEN FEEL THIS WAY.
EVERYONE SAYS IT PUTS A TERRIBLE STRAIN ON THE MARRIAGE,
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO TEAR US APART.
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN THINKING.
HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED WE MIGHT HAVE ANOTHER BABY?
OH, MACON.
I KNOW WE CAN'T REPLACE ETHAN.
NO. I'M SORRY. IT WOULD NEVER WORK.
ALL RIGHT. FORGET THAT.
IT WAS A CRAZY IDEA. A CRAZY NOTION, BUT...
ALL I'M SAYING IS WE CAN START OVER.
MACON, EVER SINCE ETHAN DIED,
I'VE HAD TO ADMIT
THAT PEOPLE ARE BASICALLY BAD.
EVIL, MACON. THEY'RE SO EVIL
THEY'D TAKE A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY
AND SHOOT HIM THROUGH THE SKULL
FOR NO REASON.
THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES I HAVEN'T BEEN SURE...
I HAVEN'T BEEN SURE
I COULD LIVE IN THIS KIND OF WORLD ANYMORE.
IT'S TRUE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS.
I'M NOT TRYING TO ARGUE.
BUT TELL ME THIS, SARAH,
WHY WOULD THAT CAUSE YOU TO LEAVE ME?
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T TRY AND ARGUE.
YOU BELIEVED ALL ALONG THEY WERE EVIL.
THIS WHOLE PAST YEAR
I'VE FELT MYSELF WITHDRAWING FROM PEOPLE,
JUST LIKE YOU DO, MACON.
I'VE FELT MYSELF BECOMING LEERY.
THERE ARE WORSE DISASTERS THAN THAT, I GUESS.
NOT FOR ME.
MACON, I KNOW YOU LOVED ETHAN,
AND I KNOW YOU MOURN HIM,
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING SO...
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
MUFFLED ABOUT THE WAY YOU EXPERIENCE THINGS,
IT'S AS IF YOU WERE TRYING
TO SLIP THROUGH LIFE UNCHANGED.
SARAH, I'M NOT MUFFLED.
I ENDURE. I'M HOLDING STEADY.
I KNOW YOU THINK THAT,
BUT I THINK YOU'RE FOOLING YOURSELF.
IT'S NOT BY CHANCE YOU WRITE THOSE SILLY BOOKS
TELLING PEOPLE HOW TO MAKE TRIPS
WITHOUT A JOLT SO THEY CAN TRAVEL
TO THE MOST WONDERFUL, EXOTIC PLACES
IN THE WORLD
AND NEVER BE TOUCHED BY THEM,
NEVER FEEL THEY'VE LEFT HOME.
THAT TRAVELING ARMCHAIR ISN'T JUST YOUR LOGO.
IT'S YOU.
NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S NOT.
WHEN ETHAN WAS IN THIS HOUSE WITH US,
WE WERE ALL RIGHT.
IF THERE WAS A DISTANCE BETWEEN US,
IT DIDN'T MATTER. WE HAD ETHAN IN COMMON.
BUT WHEN WE LOST HIM, I NEEDED YOU.
I NEEDED YOU TO COMFORT ME.
I NEEDED YOU TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN,
AND THAT ISN'T EVEN FAIR TO ASK OF YOU.
THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO GO.
SARAH--
DON'T FIGHT THIS, MACON.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH STRENGTH I'VE GOT.
I'M NEVER GOING TO RECOVER
FROM ETHAN'S DEATH. I DON'T EXPECT IT.
THERE'S A CHANCE I COULD MAKE A LIFE ANYWAY.
BUT MY ONLY HOPE IS TO GET OUT OF HERE,
AWAY FROM YOU.
LET ME GO.
Macon: IN THE SOUTHEAST, THEY SAY
THAT IF YOU WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN,
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE PLANES IN ATLANTA.
THE AIRPORT IN ATLANTA
MUST HAVE 10 MILES OF CORRIDORS.
[DOG BARKS]
COME OR GO, EDWARD,
BUT MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
OW.
I COULD STOP BY AND PICK UP THE RUG ON SATURDAY,
IF THAT'S CONVENIENT.
WELL, I LEAVE FOR ENGLAND TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
MAYBE I COULD BRING THE RUG OVER.
OR I COULD LET MYSELF IN ON SATURDAY.
I SHOULD HAVE AGREED TO TEACH SUMMER SCHOOL
OR SOMETHING.
I OPEN MY EYES IN THE MORNING,
AND I THINK, WHY BOTHER GETTING UP?
WHY BOTHER EATING?
WHY BOTHER BREATHING?
ME, TOO, SWEETHEART.
Man: MR. LEARY, COME WITH ME, PLEASE,
TO IDENTIFY THE BODY.
YES, THAT IS MY SON.
Sarah: SO I GUESS I'LL COME BY WHILE YOU'RE GONE,
IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
[CHILDREN SHOUTING]
[BRAKES SQUEAL] [DOG BARKS]
OH, SORRY.
[DOGS BARKING]
COME ON, EDWARD!
THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
HI THERE.
DO YOU BOARD DOGS?
SURE.
I'D LIKE TO BOARD EDWARD HERE.
DO YOU HAVE A RESERVATION?
A RESERVATION? NO.
MOST PEOPLE RESERVE.
COULDN'T YOU MAKE AN EXCEPTION?
I'VE JUST COME FROM THE PLACE WE'VE USED IN THE PAST,
AND SUDDENLY THEY TELL ME THEY CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYMORE,
THAT HE BIT SOMEONE LAST TIME.
EDWARD, DO YOU BITE?
HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?
I'M ABOUT TO CATCH A PLANE. I'M LEAVING FOR A WEEK
AND I DON'T HAVE A SOUL TO LOOK AFTER HIM.
I'M DESPERATE, I TELL YOU.
CAN'T YOU LEAVE HIM HOME WITH YOUR WIFE?
NO.
YOU'RE NOT MARRIED?
WELL, I AM, BUT SHE'S LIVING ELSEWHERE.
THEY DON'T ALLOW PETS.
OH.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
SO WILL YOU KEEP HIM?
I GUESS, IF YOU'RE DESPERATE.
FILL THIS OUT.
YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS, AND WHEN YOU'LL BE BACK.
DON'T FORGET TO PUT WHEN YOU'LL BE BACK.
I'LL MOST LIKELY SEE YOU AGAIN WHEN YOU PICK HIM UP.
I MEAN, IF YOU PUT THE TIME OF DAY TO EXPECT YOU.
MY NAME IS MURIEL.
IS THIS PLACE OPEN EVENINGS?
EVERY EVENING BUT SUNDAYS, TILL 8:00.
OH, GOOD.
MURIEL PRITCHETT.
Macon: IN LONDON, ENGLAND, I RECOMMEND THE UNDERGROUND
FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT THOSE AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.
AND EVEN FOR THEM,
IF THEY WILL AVOID THE FOLLOWING STATIONS.
IT'S MYSTIFYING WHY ALL HOTELS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD
CHOOSE ONLY THE MOST ABRASIVE FABRICS
FOR THEIR BEDSPREADS.
LONDON IS AMONG THE BETTER FOREIGN DESTINATIONS
IN THE IMPORTANT CATEGORY OF HOTEL PLUMBING.
THE BRITISH HAVE ONLY MIXED SUCCESS
IN APPROXIMATING AMERICAN CUISINE,
BUT THE BUSINESS TRAVELER WITH PERSISTENCE
WILL BE ABLE TO LOCATE A MEAL IN LONDON
NOT MUCH DIFFERENT FROM A MEAL IN CLEVELAND.
THERE YOU ARE, GUV'NOR.
JUST AS SOLD AT THE YANKEE STADIUM.
HAVE A NICE DAY, EH?
[RING]
CAN I HELP YOU?
I'M HERE FOR MY DOG.
YOUR LAST NAME?
LEARY.
OH. JUST A MINUTE.
HI THERE. HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
OH, IT WAS, UH...
WHERE'S EDWARD? IS HE ALL RIGHT?
SURE HE'S ALL RIGHT.
WE JUST GOT ON LIKE A HOUSE A-FIRE.
SEEMS HE TOOK A SHINE TO ME.
I COULDN'T SAY WHY.
THAT'S WONDERFUL. SO, UH...
COULD I HAVE HIM BACK, PLEASE?
CAROLINE WILL BRING HIM.
MAYBE I COULD PAY.
YES.
THAT WILL BE $42.
SIGNATURE AND PHONE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I MENTIONED BEFORE
THAT IT SO HAPPENS I TRAIN DOGS.
IS THAT RIGHT?
IS THAT YOUR HOME PHONE OR YOUR BUSINESS?
BOTH. WHY? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
I WAS JUST WONDERING.
MY SPECIALITY IS DOGS THAT BITE.
SPECIALTY.
WEBSTER PREFERS "SPECIALTY."
THAT MUST BE A DANGEROUS JOB.
NOT FOR ME.
I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING-- BITERS, BARKERS,
DOGS THAT HAVEN'T BEEN TREATED RIGHT--
HELLO, EDWARD.
EVEN SPLIT PERSONALITY.
SPLIT PERSONALITY?
WHERE YOUR DOG IS, LIKE, NICE TO YOU
BUT KILLS ALL OTHERS.
NOT THAT EDWARD WOULD BITE ME, OF COURSE.
HE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH ME, LIKE I THINK I WAS TELLING YOU.
WELL, I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT.
BUT I COULD TRAIN HIM IN NO TIME NOT TO BITE OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU THINK ABOUT IT AND GIVE ME A CALL.
MURIEL. REMEMBER?
MURIEL PRITCHETT. LET ME GIVE YOU MY CARD.
WELL, I'LL BEAR THAT IN MIND.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OR JUST CALL FOR NO REASON. CALL AND TALK.
TALK? SURE.
TALK ABOUT EDWARD, HIS PROBLEMS.
TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
PICK UP THE PHONE AND JUST TALK.
DON'T YOU EVER GET THE URGE TO DO THAT?
NOT REALLY.
[BARKING]
[RINGING]
[RING]
YEAH?
DAD?
ETHAN?
WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M AT CAMP, DAD.
YOU NEVER CAME TO GET ME.
BUT WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?
[BUZZING]
WE HAVE COMING UP BRAND-NEW PIECES OF GOLD,
BRAND NEW CAPA DIAMONTE, AND TWO GORGEOUS RINGS.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
[RING]
LEARY.
MACON, IT'S MURIEL.
MURIEL?
MURIEL PRITCHETT.
OH. YES?
FROM THE VET'S,
WHO GOT ON SO GOOD WITH YOUR DOG.
OH, RIGHT.
I WAS JUST WONDERING HOW EDWARD WAS.
LOOKS ALL RIGHT TO ME.
NO PROBLEMS?
WELL, HE'S DEVELOPED THIS NEW SYMPTOM.
HE GETS ANGRY WHEN I LEAVE THE HOUSE.
HE STARTS BARKING AND SHOWING HIS TEETH.
HE OUGHT TO BE TRAINED.
TELL YOU WHAT.
MAYBE I COULD JUST COME AROUND AND DISCUSS IT.
WELL, I DON'T REALLY THINK--
OR YOU COULD COME TO MY PLACE.
I'D FIX YOU SUPPER.
MACON, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I THINK FOR NOW I'LL JUST TRY TO MANAGE ON MY OWN.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
BELIEVE ME, I'VE BEEN THROUGH THAT STAGE,
SO WHAT I'LL DO IS,
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO GET IN TOUCH.
YES. THAT WOULD BE GOOD.
GOOD-BYE.
I DON'T WANT TO BE PUSHY--
THIS IS A PORCELAIN ROCKING HORSE
AND A MUSIC BOX.
THIS IS HANDCRAFTED PORCELAIN.
HANDPAINTED AND GORGEOUS. 9 INCHES HIGH.
$59, A VERY LOW...
[WHIMPERING]
[RUFF]
[WHIMPERING]
IF YOU WANT TO COME DOWN, COME.
OTHERWISE, GO AWAY.
BUT STOP THAT PITIFUL WHIMPERING!
THIS BASEMENT IS NOT HAUNTED!
THAT OUGHT TO DO NICELY.
[RUFF RUFF]
BUCK UP.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
THAT'S THE STUFF, EDWARD!
DON'T GIVE UP, EDWARD. WE CAN MAKE IT.
COME ON.
[BUZZING]
WHOA!
[RUFF RUFF]
OH.
Macon: THERE IS SOMETHING ELEMENTALLY COMFORTING
TO THE BUSINESS TRAVELER
ABOUT THAT MOMENT WHEN HIS FLIGHT
TOUCHES DOWN ONCE AGAIN AT HIS OWN AIRPORT.
AFTER A DEMANDING JOURNEY,
EVEN THE MOST IMPERSONAL TERMINAL
CAN SEEM AS WELCOMING AS AN ANCESTRAL HOME.
Macon: I DON'T THINK ANYONE ELSE HAS ANY IDEA WHERE I AM,
THAT I'VE COME OVER HERE TO STAY WITH YOU FOR A WHILE.
DOES IT MATTER?
Woman: DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD TELL SARAH?
IT'S NICE TO BE SO...
UNCONNECTED.
I WISH THINGS COULD STAY THAT WAY FOR A WHILE.
WHY CAN'T THEY?
WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE WILL CALL HERE,
SARAH OR SOMEONE.
MAYBE WE COULD JUST NOT ANSWER THE PHONE.
WELL, IT WOULD GO ON RINGING.
WHY NOT?
NOT ANSWER IT EVER?
MOST WHO CALL ME ARE NEIGHBORS.
THEY'LL POP OVER IN PERSON
IF THEY DON'T GET AN ANSWER.
I WON'T MISS IT.
LET IT RING.
I DON'T MIND.
YOU STINKER.
HYPODERMIC.
[WHISTLES]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
YOU'RE A STINKER, ROSE.
DISINFECTANT.
YOU GOT IT.
[RING]
DOCTORS AND NURSES.
NURSE.
[RING]
THERE YOU GO!
DOWN, DOG!
[DOG BARKING]
MACON!
HELP!
CALL HIM OFF, DAMN IT!
EDWARD!
CALL OFF YOUR DOG!
EDWARD, STOP THAT! WHO IS THAT?
THIS IS YOUR EMPLOYER, MACON.
JULIAN?
COME HERE, EDWARD. COME ON.
COME ON. COME HERE.
COME ON.
COME HERE, BOY.
[BARKING]
I REALLY HATE A MAN WITH AN OBNOXIOUS DOG.
I DON'T HATE JUST THE DOG.
I HATE THE MAN WHO OWNS HIM.
WELL, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.
I THOUGHT HE WAS OFF ON A WALK
WITH MY BROTHER PORTER.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG?
I BROKE IT.
I CAN SEE THAT, BUT HOW?
IT'S KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAIN.
HOW DID YOU FIND ME HERE?
FROM THE RETURN ADDRESS
ON THE CHAPTERS YOU SENT ME.
VERY INTERESTING.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW LATE YOU'RE RUNNING
WITH THIS GUIDEBOOK?
[DOG GROWLS AND BARKS]
EDWARD, CUT IT OUT!
THIS IS QUITE A PLACE.
IT WAS MY GRANDPARENTS' HOUSE.
I GREW UP HERE.
WHERE'S SARAH?
WHO?
YOUR WIFE, MACON.
OH, OH, SHE AND I ARE, UH...
SHE, UH...HAS THIS...
APARTMENT DOWNTOWN.
YOU'VE SPLIT?
YEAH.
JESUS, MACON.
WHAT WENT WRONG?
NOTHING.
IT TURNS OUT THESE THINGS CAN HAPPEN
FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON.
[DOG BARKING]
Rose: HUSH, NOW!
HELLO.
JULIAN HEDGE, THIS IS MY SISTER ROSE
AND MY OTHER BROTHER CHARLES.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.
CHARLES.
HOW DO YOU DO?
MACON LEARY WITH A SISTER
AND BROTHERS, TOO.
WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT?
THAT MACON LEARY HAD A FAMILY
JUST NEVER ENTERED MY MIND, SOMEHOW.
I'M RIGHT HERE, JULIAN.
YES, I DO SEE A FAMILY RESEMBLANCE.
YOU'RE MACON'S PUBLISHER!
I'M THE ONE WHO MAILED YOU MACON'S CHAPTERS.
OH, YES.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO SEND YOU SOME MORE,
BUT FIRST I HAVE TO BUY 9 x 12 ENVELOPES.
ALL WE'VE GOT LEFT IS 10 x 13.
IT'S TERRIBLE WHEN THINGS DON'T FIT PRECISELY.
THEY GET ALL OUT OF ALIGNMENT.
AH.
WE WOULDN'T WANT TO KEEP YOU, ROSE.
OH! NO.
HERE, I'LL TAKE THAT.
THE MACON LEARY 9 x 12 ENVELOPE CRISIS.
OH, JULIAN, DROP IT.
SORRY.
YOU KNOW, MACON,
IF YOU'D JUST LET ME KNOW
WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE...
I HAD NO IDEA.
LOOK, IF YOU WANT ANOTHER,
I DON'T KNOW, ANOTHER MONTH?
OH, NONSENSE.
WHAT'S A MISSING WIFE OR TWO, RIGHT?
HERE, LET ME GET WHAT I'VE TYPED
AND YOU CAN CHECK IT.
[BARKING]
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES]
JUST WHAT I THOUGHT. YOU MONSTER.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
GREAT.
[RING]
CALL IT SOMETHING CATCHY.
UH, RELUCTANT TOURIST.
AND YOU ARE THE FELLA TO WRITE IT.
BUT I HATE TO TRAVEL.
I THOUGHT SO. SO DO BUSINESSMEN.
I MEAN, THESE FOLKS WOULD RATHER BE
AT HOME IN THEIR LIVING ROOMS.
SO YOU WILL BE HELPING THEM TO PRETEND
THAT THAT'S WHERE THEY ARE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOUR LOGO.
YOU GET IT?
WHILE ARMCHAIR TRAVELERS
DREAM OF GOING PLACES,
TRAVELING ARMCHAIRS DREAM OF STAYING PUT.
AFTER THIS, I WANT YOU TO START ON NEW YORK
AND THE NORTHEAST AGAIN.
SO SOON?
IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS, MACON.
[GROWLING]
OH!
EDWARD! STOP IT!
OW!
MACON, DID HE GET YOU?
OHH...
I WOULDN'T HAVE A DOG LIKE THAT.
I'D SHOOT HIM.
HE'S NEVER DONE THAT.
I'D CALL THE SPCA
OR THE DOGCATCHER.
TELL THEM YOU WANT HIM DONE AWAY WITH.
JUST GO, JULIAN.
Charles: HOLD ON, HOLD ON.
WE HAVE A COUPLE MORE LIMAS.
YEAH, WE DO.
WHAT DO WE HAVE NEXT?
NOW I NEED Ms OR Ns,
ANYTHING STARTING WITH THOSE.
THEN HOW ABOUT THESE NOODLES?
"N" FOR NOODLES.
"P" FOR PASTA?
"E" FOR ELBOW MACARONI.
YOU MIGHT HAVE PASSED THOSE UP EARLIER, PORTER.
UH, ROSE?
ROSE?
IT SEEMS EDWARD'S
GIVEN ME A LITTLE SORT OF NIP.
OH, MACON.
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, THAT'S ALL.
BUT I THINK I NEED AN ANTISEPTIC.
YOU NEED A TETANUS SHOT, TOO.
YOU NEED TO GET RID OF THAT DOG.
HE DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM.
TAKES YOUR HAND OFF AT THE ELBOW
AND HE MEANS NO HARM?!
YOU SHOULD GET RID OF HIM, I TELL YOU.
WELL, I CAN'T.
WHY NOT?
COME ON, BOY. YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
[IMITATES GROWLING]
ETHAN, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD DO THAT OUTSIDE?
RIGHT.
I JUST CAN'T GET RID OF HIM, THAT'S ALL.
MACON, COME SIT DOWN.
LET ME SEE WHAT I HAVE.
WELL, MAYBE WE COULD SEND HIM TO OBEDIENCE SCHOOL.
EDWARD, SIT.
NOW, YOU KIND OF CLUCK YOUR TONGUE.
[CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK]
THEY GET TO KNOW A CLUCK MEANS PRAISE.
WHEN I HOLD MY HAND OUT--SEE--
THAT MEANS HE HAS TO STAY.
STAY.
THAT WAS VERY GOOD.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO WEAR THIS EVERY MINUTE
TILL HE'S TRAINED.
THAT WAY, YOU CAN YANK HIM BACK
WHENEVER HE DOES SOMETHING WRONG.
MM-HMM.
HERE YOU GO.
MAKE HIM SIT.
SIT.
POKE HIM DOWN.
[GROWLING]
SSSSST!
HE DOESN'T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY.
I KNOW THAT.
COUPLE OF YEARS AGO,
I SAW THIS AD IN THE PAPER.
"MAKE EXTRA MONEY IN YOUR OFF-HOURS."
PLACE WAS A DOG-TRAINING FIRM
THAT WENT AROUND TO PEOPLE'S HOUSES.
"DOGGIE, DO" IT WAS CALLED.
DON'T YOU JUST HATE THAT NAME?
WHO'S THE LADY?
LADY?
THE LADY I SAW WALKING THROUGH THE KITCHEN.
OH, THAT'S ROSE.
SHE YOUR EX-WIFE, OR WHAT?
MY SISTER.
OH! YOUR SISTER.
THIS HOUSE BELONGS TO HER.
OH.
I DON'T LIVE WITH ANYBODY EITHER.
YOU CAN RELEASE HIM NOW.
PARDON?
RELEASE YOUR DOG.
OH.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?
I WRITE...
TRAVEL GUIDEBOOKS.
TRAVEL GUIDES! LUCKY!
I LOVE TO TRAVEL.
OH, TRAVEL.
IT'S JUST RED TAPE, MOSTLY.
TICKET LINES, CUSTOMS LINES.
[BARKING]
SHOULD EDWARD BE BARKING THAT WAY?
SSSSST!
IF I COULD GO ANYWHERE, I'D GO TO PARIS.
IT SOUNDS SO ROMANTIC.
PARIS? IT IS TERRIBLE.
EVERYBODY'S IMPOLITE.
TAKE ME WITH YOU NEXT TIME.
I COULD SHOW YOU THE GOOD PARTS.
I HAVE A VERY LIMITED EXPENSE ACCOUNT.
I NEVER EVEN TOOK MY WIFE.
MY WIFE...
I WAS ONLY TEASING.
YOU THINK I MEANT IT?
OH, NO.
THAT'LL BE $14.40,
INCLUDING THE LEASH AND THE CHOKE CHAIN.
YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE WHAT HE'S LEARNED.
NO ONE CAN PRACTICE FOR YOU.
[CHANGE JINGLES]
YOU CAN PAY ME THE OTHER 4 CENTS TOMORROW.
SIT.
[CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK]
ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ABOUT THIS?
YES.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
I HAVE THE ADDRESS RIGHT HERE.
I'LL BE BACK IN ONE-HALF HOUR.
YOU SURE?
MACON, PLEASE! I'M JUST GOING AROUND THE CORNER.
NOW, GOOD-BYE.
THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST ON CRUTCHES.
HA HA HA!
I GUESS I'LL BE GOING.
MY SISTER'S PICKING ME UP
AS SOON AS SHE'S DONE WITH HER ERRANDS.
ROSE? SHE'S COMING HERE?
I'D LIKE TO SEE HER.
MACON, DO ME A FAVOR.
COULDN'T YOU JUST ONCE INVITE ME TO A FAMILY DINNER?
WELL, WE'RE REALLY NOT MUCH FOR SOCIALIZING.
WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE ANYTHING FANCY.
JUST WHATEVER YOU EAT NORMALLY.
WHAT DO YOU EAT NORMALLY?
OR I'LL BRING THE MEAL MYSELF.
YOU COULD LOCK UP YOUR DOG,
AND I'LL COME SPEND THE EVENING.
WE'LL SEE.
WHENEVER MY FATHER SAID THAT
IT ALWAYS MEANT NO.
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I MADE NOTHING BUT As.
YOU'RE SURPRISED AT THAT, AREN'T YOU?
NOW, THIS IS THE HEEL COMMAND.
YOU THINK I'M KIND OF, LIKE, NOT AN INTELLECT.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. YOU'RE SURPRISED.
NO, I'M NOT.
NOW, HE'S SUPPOSED TO MATCH HIS PACE TO ANYTHING I DO,
SLOW, FAST, ANYTHING.
SIT!
HEEL!
GOOD.
[CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK]
I THINK HE'S GOT THE HANG OF IT.
NOW YOU.
YANK THAT LEASH!
HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO.
GOOD. DON'T FORGET TO CLUCK EVERY LITTLE MINUTE.
YOU HAVE TO PRAISE HIM.
PICK UP THAT SLACK!
CLUCK!
[CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK]
THIS IS A BIT MORE DIFFICULT WITH CRUTCHES.
I ONCE TAUGHT A MAN WHO HAD NO LEGS AND ONLY ONE ARM.
HE HAD A GREAT DANE.
REALLY?
YOU'RE NOT IN SUCH BAD SHAPE.
I HAVE TO GET GOING.
THAT'LL BE, UH, $5.00, PLEASE,
PLUS THE 4 CENTS YOU OWE ME FROM YESTERDAY.
NEXT TIME, I'LL STAY LONGER AND TALK.
THAT'S A PROMISE.
Macon: IT IS AN UNFORTUNATE FACT
THAT EVEN THE MOST CONSCIENTIOUS TRAVELER
CANNOT BE PREPARED FOR EVERY ENCOUNTER.
AT SUCH TIMES, ONE MUST REMAIN CALM
AND RELY UPON ONE'S INNATE COMMON SENSE.
[KNOCKING]
[DOG BARKS]
HELLO, ROSE.
HELLO, JULIAN.
COME IN.
I'VE BROUGHT SOME MATERIALS FOR MACON.
OH.
[BARKING]
DO I HEAR THAT DOG?
YES, HE'S IN THE BACK YARD.
HELLO, JULIAN.
HI, GUYS.
HOPE I'M NOT INTERFERING WITH SUPPER?
NO, NO.
WE'RE FINISHED.
Julian: REALLY?
WHAT TIME DO YOU EAT, ANYHOW?
WE HAVEN'T HAD OUR COFFEE.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?
I'D LOVE SOME.
WELL, THAT SEEMS A LITTLE SILLY
IF YOU HAVEN'T EATEN.
FOR ME, HOME-BREWED COFFEE'S A REAL TREAT.
EVERYBODY IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING
EATS OUT.
THERE'S NOTHING IN THEIR KITCHENS
BUT A COUPLE OF CANS OF SODA
AND SOME PEANUTS.
WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THAT?
IT'S THE CALVERT ARMS.
IT'S A SINGLES BUILDING.
EVERYBODY'S SINGLE.
OH!
WHAT AN INTERESTING IDEA.
WELL, NOT REALLY.
SOMETIMES I WISH
FOR THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY OF DOING THINGS,
WITH CHILDREN AND OLD PEOPLE,
LIKE NORMAL BUILDINGS HAVE.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO.
I'M GOING TO GET YOU SOME NICE HOT COFFEE.
UH, HERE YOU GO.
UM...WHERE'S PORTER?
Charles: WE'RE NOT SURE.
HE WENT OUT TO A HARDWARE STORE.
WE THINK HE GOT LOST.
GOOD GRIEF. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
A LITTLE WHILE BEFORE SUPPER.
SUPPER. YOU MEAN TODAY?
HE'S JUST RUNNING AN ERRAND ON HOWARD STREET.
HE'S NOT LOST IN ANY PERMANENT SENSE.
HE GOT LOST ON HOWARD STREET?
IT'S A PROBLEM WITH THIS FAMILY--DIRECTIONS.
REALLY?
CHARLES?
WHAT?
NEVER MIND.
I'LL GO HELP ROSE.
JULIAN SEEMS VERY NICE.
HE'S ONLY HERE BECAUSE HE HOPES
WE'LL DO SOMETHING ECCENTRIC.
I JUST PRAY NONE OF US SAYS ANYTHING UNCONVENTIONAL
AROUND HIM.
WHAT WOULD WE SAY?
WE'RE THE MOST CONVENTIONAL PEOPLE
I KNOW.
WE BOUGHT EVERY MAP YOU CAN BUY
FOR BALTIMORE AND OUTLYING AREAS,
ALPHABETIZED THEM, AND STILL...
IT'S SAD, REALLY.
OH, AND WHAT DO YOU WANT IN YOUR COFFEE?
JUST BLACK'S FINE.
COFFEE, MACON?
NO, THANK YOU.
HERE YOU GO.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, CHARLES?
I MAKE BOTTLE CAPS.
BOTTLE CAPS? IS THAT A FACT?
WELL, IT'S NOT HALF AS EXCITING
AS IT SOUNDS, REALLY.
AND, ROSE, DO YOU WORK?
YES, I DO.
I WORK AT HOME.
I KEEP HOUSE FOR THE BOYS.
ALSO, I TAKE CARE OF THE OLDER NEIGHBORS.
THEY NEED ME TO REPAIR THEIR PLUMBING AND SUCH.
YOU REPAIR THEIR PLUMBING.
[RING]
WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT COULD BE PORTER.
[RING]
BUT HE KNOWS WE WOULDN'T ANSWER.
YES, HE'D SURELY CALL A NEIGHBOR INSTEAD.
ON THE OTHER HAND...
DO YOU ALWAYS GIVE THIS MUCH THOUGHT TO YOUR PHONE CALLS?
NOW, WHERE EXACTLY IS THE CALVERT ARMS?
[SAW WHINES]
EDWARD...STAY.
GOOD DOG.
[CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK]
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I DIDN'T EXACTLY PLAN ON HAVING A BABY.
IN FACT, THE BABY WAS THE REASON WE GOT MARRIED.
NOW, YOU WATCH HIM WHILE I WALK AWAY.
PRETTY SOON, HE'LL LIE LIKE THAT
FOR THREE HOURS STRAIGHT.
THREE HOURS? ISN'T THAT SORT OF CRUEL?
I THOUGHT YOU PROMISED NOT TO TALK LIKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT. SORRY.
MY SON'S NAME IS ALEXANDER.
DID I TELL YOU THAT?
SOMETHING WENT WRONG WHILE I WAS CARRYING HIM.
THEY HAD TO DO A CESAREAN AND TAKE HIM OUT EARLY
AND I CAN'T EVER HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN.
ALEXANDER WAS SO TEENY.
HE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A HUMAN.
HE HAD TO STAY IN AN INCUBATOR
FOREVER, JUST ABOUT, AND NEARLY DIED.
NORMAN, THAT'S MY EX-HUSBAND,
HE WENT,
"WHEN'S IT GOING TO LOOK LIKE OTHER BABIES?"
NORMAN ALWAYS CALLED ALEXANDER "IT."
MAYBE YOU AND ALEXANDER
SHOULD GET TOGETHER SOMETIME.
MM-HMM? OH, WELL, I--
HE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MEN IN HIS LIFE.
MAYBE THE THREE OF US COULD GO TO A MOVIE.
YOU EVER GO TO MOVIES?
I...
REALLY DON'T CARE FOR MOVIES.
THEY MAKE EVERYTHING SEEM SO CLOSE-UP.
BEDPAN.
OUTPATIENT.
ANESTHETIC.
HYPODERMIC.
[CLUCKING]
"140" DEGREES?
CERTAIN DEATH. WHAT IS SHE THINKING?
2 QUARTS OF STUFFING, I HEARD HER SAY SO.
2 QUARTS OF TEEMING, SWARMING BACTERIA.
IS THIS THE THANKSGIVING WE ALL DIE?
OH! HERE COMES THE TURKEY.
HERE IT IS.
Julian: NOW, THIS IS A REAL THANKSGIVING.
I JUST WISH MY NEIGHBORS COULD SEE THIS.
UM...THERE MAY BE A LITTLE PROBLEM HERE.
OF COURSE, THE REST OF THE MEAL IS EXCELLENT.
WE COULD FILL UP ON THE VEGETABLES ALONE.
IN FACT, I THINK I'LL DO THAT.
Neighbor: WHAT?
THE TURKEY.
WHAT?
PURE POISON.
COME AGAIN?
WE THINK IT MAY HAVE BEEN COOKED
AT A SLIGHTLY INADEQUATE TEMPERATURE.
IT WAS NOT.
IT'S PERFECTLY GOOD.
MRS. BARRETT!
I CAN HEAR YOU.
MAYBE YOU'D RATHER JUST STICK TO THE SIDE DISHES.
WELL, UH... PERHAPS I WILL.
I DON'T HAVE MUCH OF AN APPETITE ANYWAY.
MACON, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
MY LOVELY TURKEY. ALL THAT WORK.
I THINK IT LOOKS DELICIOUS.
YES, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE OTHER TIMES.
Julian: OTHER TIMES?
YOU DON'T FOOL ME FOR AN INSTANT.
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS.
YOU WANT TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF JULIAN.
JULIAN?
YOU WANT TO DRIVE HIM OFF.
YOU THREE WASTED YOUR CHANCES,
AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO WASTE MINE.
BUT I WON'T DO IT!
I CAN SEE WHAT'S WHAT.
LOVE IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
YOU WANT TO MAKE ME MISS IT.
WELL, GOODNESS.
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STOP COOKING FOR YOU
AND TAKING CARE OF THIS HOUSE.
YOU DON'T WANT JULIAN TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.
DO WHAT?
DO YOU THINK I OUGHT TO GO AFTER HER?
UH, NO.
THAT POOR, DEAR GIRL. I FEEL JUST AWFUL.
BUT SHE SEEMS SO--
SHE'S FINE.
SHE'S PERFECTLY FINE.
NOW, WHO WANTS A BAKED POTATO?
Porter: I DO.
Charles: ME.
JULIAN, A POTATO?
I'LL TAKE THE TURKEY.
ACTUALLY, HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
THAT JULIAN WEARS CREW NECKS?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE WOULDN'T WEAR A V-NECK
IF HE HAD ONE.
HE'S YOUNGER, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REALIZE THAT.
TWO YEARS.
HE'S GOT A YOUNGER STYLE OF LIVING.
SINGLES APARTMENTS, AND SO ON.
HE'S TIRED OF ALL THAT.
DON'T TRY TO SPOIL THIS, MACON.
SWEETHEART, I ONLY WANT TO PROTECT YOU.
IT'S WRONG, YOU KNOW,
WHAT YOU SAID AT THANKSGIVING.
LOVE IS NOT WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF OTHER ISSUES.
HE ATE MY TURKEY AND DIDN'T GET SICK.
TWO BIG HELPINGS.
I GOT THIS CAR FOR ONLY $200.
THAT'S BECAUSE IT NEEDED WORK.
BUT I TOOK IT TO DOMINICK,
THIS BOY DOWN THE STREET FROM WHERE I LIVE.
I GO, "DOMINICK, HERE'S THE DEAL.
"YOU FIX MY CAR UP,
"I'LL LET YOU HAVE THE USE OF IT
THREE NIGHTS A WEEK AND ALL DAY SUNDAY."
WASN'T THAT A GOOD IDEA?
VERY INVENTIVE.
HI. WHAT A GOOD BOY.
GIVE HIM LOTS OF PRAISE.
[CLUCK CLUCK]
NOW WE'LL BOTH GO IN THE DRUGSTORE.
IS IT SAFE?
HAVE TO TRY IT SOONER OR LATER.
HMM. TOO PINK-Y.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT?
FOR DINNER?
COME AND EAT AT MY HOUSE.
COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN.
JUST FOR DINNER.
YOU AND ME AND ALEXANDER.
SAY, UH... 6:00.
IT'S 510 21st STREET.
KNOW WHERE THAT IS?
WELL, I DON'T BELIEVE I'M FREE THEN.
THINK IT OVER A WHILE.
HOW OLD DID YOU SAY ALEXANDER WAS?
HE'S 7.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT?
HMM?
HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGHT
TO COMING TO DINNER?
OH, I, UH...
COULD COME.
IF IT'S ONLY FOR DINNER.
WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE FOR?
HERE HE IS.
HI, SWEETIE.
ALEXANDER, THIS IS MACON.
CAN YOU SAY HI?
YOU'RE PRETTY YOUNG TO BE AT THE DOCTOR'S
WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER.
HE'S USED TO IT BECAUSE HE'S HAD TO GO SO OFTEN.
HE'S GOT THESE ALLERGIES.
I SEE.
HE'S ALLERGIC TO SHELLFISH, MILK, EGGS,
AND MOST VEGETABLES.
WE THINK HE MAY BE ALLERGIC TO AIR.
WHENEVER HE'S OUTSIDE A LONG TIME,
HE GETS THESE BUMPS ON ANY UNCOVERED PARTS OF HIS BODY.
IF A BEE STINGS HIM AND HE HASN'T HAD HIS SHOTS,
HE COULD BE DEAD IN HALF AN HOUR.
[ENGINE GRINDS]
Macon: DEAR MURIEL...
I AM VERY SORRY,
BUT I WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE DINNER
WITH YOU TOMORROW, AFTER ALL.
SOMETHING HAS COME UP.
REGRETFULLY, MACON.
Muriel: I'VE GOT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN,
AND I'M AIMING IT EXACTLY WHERE YOUR HEAD IS.
IT'S MACON.
MACON.
[DOOR UNLOCKS]
MACON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UH, LAST YEAR...
I EX...I LOST...
I EXPERIENCED A LOSS.
I LOST...
I LOST MY SON.
HE WAS JUST...
HE WENT INTO A HAMBURGER JOINT,
AND THEN SOMEONE CAME--
UH, A HOLDUP MAN--
AND SHOT HIM.
UM...
I CAN'T GO TO DINNER WITH PEOPLE.
I CAN'T TALK TO THEIR LITTLE BOYS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP ASKING ME.
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS,
BUT I'M JUST NOT UP TO THIS.
DO YOU HEAR?
EVERY DAY, I TELL MYSELF
IT'S TIME TO BE GETTING OVER THIS.
I KNOW THAT PEOPLE EXPECT IT OF ME.
BUT IF ANYTHING, I'M GETTING WORSE.
THE FIRST YEAR WAS LIKE A BAD DREAM.
I'D GO TO HIS BEDROOM DOOR IN THE MORNING
BEFORE I REMEMBERED HE WASN'T THERE TO BE WAKENED.
BUT THE SECOND YEAR IS REAL.
I'VE STOPPED GOING TO HIS DOOR.
I'VE SOMETIMES LET A WHOLE DAY PASS BY...
WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT... ABOUT HIM.
I BELIEVE SARAH THINKS I COULD HAVE
PREVENTED WHAT HAPPENED, SOMEHOW.
SHE'S SO USED TO MY ARRANGING HER LIFE.
NOW I'M FAR FROM EVERYONE.
I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS ANYMORE.
AND EVERYONE LOOKS TRIVIAL AND FOOLISH AND...
NOT RELATED TO ME.
JUST SLEEP.
LIE DOWN AND SLEEP.
[ALEXANDER COUGHING]
Alexander: WHAT IS IT, MOM?
Muriel: GO BACK TO SLEEP, HONEY.
EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.
I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.
CAN YOU TAKE THIS OFF?
I'M BASHFUL.
Girls: HEY THERE, MACON.
HEY THERE, GIRLS.
GOING TO SEE MURIEL?
I THOUGHT I MIGHT.
YOU BROUGHT YOUR OWN DINNER.
GOOD IDEA.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Man: ALL RIGHT, GUNTHER!
PIZZA MAN.
EXTRA-LARGE, COMBINATION,
NO ANCHOVIES.
I'M ALLERGIC TO PIZZA.
WHAT PART?
HUH?
WHAT PART ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
PEPPERONI? SAUSAGE? MUSHROOMS?
WE COULD TAKE THOSE OFF.
ALL OF IT.
YOU CAN'T BE ALLERGIC TO ALL OF IT.
WELL, I AM.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK
WHAT HAPPENED WITH HIS EYE DOCTOR.
AND HERE I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT IT.
I SWEAR, SOMETIMES YOU'D THINK
ALEXANDER WASN'T YOUR GRANDSON.
TA DA.
MA, I'M GOING NOW. MACON'S HERE.
Muriel: ♪♪ AND BRING TO ALL THE KIDS ♪♪
♪♪ WHO DON'T HAVE NONE ♪♪
♪♪ I'M GONNA LASSO SANTA CLAUS ♪♪
♪♪ AND I KNOW JUST WHY, BECAUSE ♪♪
♪♪ I'M GONNA PULL, PULL, PULL ♪♪
♪♪ ON HIS BEARD ♪♪
♪♪ PULL, PULL! AND SEE IF IT'S REAL ♪♪
♪♪ I'M GONNA TICK-TICK-TICKLE HIM ♪♪
♪♪ ON THE TUMMY ♪♪
♪♪ BECAUSE HE LAUGHS SO FUNNY ♪♪
♪♪ HE'S SO JOLLY AND SO FINE ♪♪
♪♪ WHEN HE COMES AROUND CHRISTMASTIME ♪♪
♪♪ I'M GONNA LASSO SANTA CLAUS ♪♪
♪♪ AND THE REASON IS BECAUSE ♪♪
♪♪ I KNOW A BOY AND GIRL HE NEVER GOES TO SEE ♪♪
♪♪ HE NEVER BRINGS THEM TOYS LIKE HE DOES TO ME ♪♪
♪♪ I'M GONNA POP, POP SANTA CLAUS ♪♪
SEE?
I SHUT THE VALVE OFF.
WHAT DID I DO THAT FOR?
I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS.
HE'S NOT VERY STRONG.
WHY DID I SHUT OFF THE VALVE, ALEXANDER?
WHY?
YOU TELL ME.
NO, YOU.
SO THE WATER WON'T WHOOSH ALL OVER?
RIGHT.
NOW, FIRST YOU UNSCREW
THE TOP SCREW.
LET'S SEE YOU DO IT.
ME? I DON'T WANT TO.
Muriel: JUST LET HIM WATCH.
IF HE JUST WATCHES HE WON'T KNOW
HOW TO FIX THE ONE IN THE BATHTUB,
AND I'M GOING TO ASK HIM TO MANAGE THAT
WITHOUT ME.
THAT'S IT.
HARD!
GOOD.
LOOK AT THAT.
WONDERFUL!
I THINK YOU MAY HAVE NATURAL TALENTS.
NOW TAKE OFF THE FAUCET HEAD,
AND THERE IS THE CULPRIT.
THAT HAS TO BE RETAPED.
WE TAKE THIS WRENCH TO LOOSEN IT UP.
Alexander: NOW WHAT?
Macon: TURN THAT VALVE.
THERE WE GO.
NOW WHAT?
NOW WE TURN THE WATER BACK ON
AND SEE WHAT KIND OF JOB YOU'VE DONE.
LOOK AT THAT!
YOU'VE SOLVED THE PROBLEM.
NOW, WHEN YOU'RE GROWN,
YOU CAN FIX THE FAUCETS FOR YOUR WIFE.
"STEP BACK, DEARIE," YOU CAN SAY.
"JUST LET ME SEE TO THIS.
LET A REAL MAN TAKE CARE OF THIS."
Julian: GOOD.
REALLY EXCELLENT MATERIAL.
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING, MACON.
YOUR SISTER'S CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S AN ENGAGEMENT RING, MACON.
ENGAGEMENT?
I WANT TO MARRY HER.
YOU WANT TO MARRY ROSE?
I'M GOING TO ASK HER AT CHRISTMAS
WHEN I GIVE HER THE RING.
I WANT TO DO THIS PROPERLY,
OLD-FASHIONED.
YOU THINK SHE'LL HAVE ME?
WELL, I REALLY COULDN'T SAY.
WELL, SHE'S GOT TO.
I'M 36 YEARS OLD, MACON,
BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M A SCHOOLBOY
AROUND THAT WOMAN.
YOU MAY LAUGH AT THIS, BUT I LOVE THE SURPRISE OF HER,
AND I'M SURPRISED BY MYSELF
WHEN I'M WITH HER.
I'M NOT EXACTLY THE PERSON
THAT I THOUGHT I WAS.
I'M AFRAID I'M GUSHING.
WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?
I'VE NEVER EVEN SLEPT WITH HER.
I DON'T CARE TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
I WANT US TO HAVE A REAL WEDDING NIGHT.
I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT.
GOD, MACON,
ISN'T IT AMAZING HOW TWO SEPARATE LIVES
CAN LINK UP TOGETHER?
I MEAN, TWO DIFFERENTNESSES.
Alexander: WHAT I REALLY LIKE IS T-SHIRTS.
T-SHIRTS. AHA.
THE KIND WITH A SORT OF STRETCHED-OUT NECK.
I DON'T WANT IT NEW.
TELL YOU WHAT--
EVERYTHING WE BUY WE'LL WASH ABOUT 20 TIMES
BEFORE YOU WEAR IT.
BUT NOTHING PREWASHED.
NO, NO.
ONLY NERDS WEAR PREWASHED.
RIGHT.
SHALL I COME WITH YOU?
I CAN DO IT MYSELF.
ALL RIGHT.
MACON!
YES.
LAURA CANFIELD.
SCOTT'S MOTHER, REMEMBER?
OF COURSE.
WHY, SC...
SCOTT!
HI.
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.
ARE YOU DOING YOUR SPRING SHOPPING?
OH, I, UM...
I'M HELPING THE SON OF A FRIEND.
OH. WE'RE BUYING OUT THE SOCK DEPARTMENT.
IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY OTHER WEEK
I FIND SCOTT RUNS THROUGH HIS SOCKS AGAIN.
YOU KNOW HOW THEY ARE AT THIS AGE--
OR RATHER...
YES, IT--
IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT?
I LOOK GREAT!
I THINK IT'S TIME WE HAD A TALK.
ABOUT WHAT?
I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE UP TO
WITH THIS MURIEL PERSON.
IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL HER--
"THIS MURIEL PERSON"?
YOU'RE NOT YOURSELF THESE DAYS, MACON,
AND THIS MURIEL PERSON IS JUST A SYMPTOM.
EVERYBODY SAYS SO.
WHO IS "EVERYBODY," ANYWAY?
WE'RE JUST...
WORRIED FOR YOU, MACON.
COULD WE SWITCH TO SOME OTHER TOPIC?
I HAD TO TELL YOU WHAT I THOUGHT.
MM-HMM. FINE. YOU'VE TOLD ME.
CAN YOU... CAN YOU TELL ME
ONE UNIQUE THING ABOUT HER?
I MEAN, ONE REALLY SPECIAL QUALITY?
NOT SOMETHING SLOPPY
LIKE, "SHE APPRECIATES ME."
I'M NOT SUCH A BARGAIN MYSELF,
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED.
SOMEBODY OUGHT TO WARN HER AWAY FROM ME,
WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL.
MATTER OF FACT, I IMAGINE HER PEOPLE
ARE CONGRATULATING HER ON HER CATCH.
HA HA! HER CATCH.
SOMEONE TO SUPPORT HER. ANYONE.
SHE'D BE LUCKY TO FIND ANYONE.
SHE LIVES IN THAT SLUMMY HOUSE.
SHE'S GOT THAT LITTLE BOY
WHO LOOKS LIKE HE HAS HOOKWORM.
PORTER, JUST SHUT THE HELL UP.
Alexander: HEY, YOU GUYS!
LET ME CATCH UP!
HA HA HA!
CREEP!
Alexander: WAIT UP FOR ME!
[WHINING]
Alexander: HEY, GUYS!
GET LOST, PRITCHETT!
COME ON, LET ME CATCH UP!
GO ITCH IT, PRITCHETT!
YOU HEARD ME.
GET LOST!
GO.
[BARKING]
ITCH IT, PRITCHETT. PRITCHETT, ITCH IT.
HIYA, BOY. HOW YOU DOING?
GOOD BOY!
GOOD DOG, EDWARD.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
NOTHING.
Macon: EVEN THE MOST DISCIPLINED
PROFESSIONAL TRAVELER
MAY SOMETIMES STUMBLE ACROSS THAT UNEXPECTED ITEM
HE FEELS HE SIMPLY MUST TAKE HOME.
THAT'S FINE AS LONG AS ONE IS WILLING TO ACCEPT
THE INCONVENIENCE AND AWKWARDNESS THAT COME
WITH EACH ADDITIONAL PIECE OF BAGGAGE.
I DON'T THINK ALEXANDER'S GETTING
A PROPER EDUCATION.
HUH? HE'S OK.
I ASKED HIM TO FIGURE OUT WHAT CHANGE
THEY'D GIVE BACK WHEN WE BOUGHT THE MILK TODAY
AND HE DIDN'T HAVE THE FAINTEST IDEA.
HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE'D HAVE TO SUBTRACT.
HE'S ONLY IN SECOND GRADE.
HE SHOULD SWITCH TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL.
PRIVATE SCHOOLS COST MONEY.
SO? I'LL PAY.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
PARDON?
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MACON?
ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE COMMITTED?
THAT'S NOT REALLY THE POINT.
ALEXANDER'S GOT 10 MORE YEARS OF SCHOOL AHEAD OF HIM.
ARE YOU SAYING YOU'LL BE AROUND FOR ALL 10 YEARS?
I CAN'T JUST PUT HIM IN A PRIVATE SCHOOL
AND TAKE HIM OUT AGAIN ON EVERY PASSING WHIM OF YOURS.
JUST TELL ME THIS--
DO YOU PICTURE US GETTING MARRIED SOMETIME?
I MEAN, WHEN YOUR DIVORCE COMES THROUGH?
MURIEL, MARRIAGE IS...
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DON'T, DO YOU?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
ONE MINUTE YOU LIKE ME, AND THE NEXT YOU DON'T.
ONE MINUTE YOU'RE ASHAMED TO BE SEEN WITH ME
AND THE NEXT YOU THINK I'M THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GO ALONG LIKE THIS--
NO PLANS.
MAYBE TOMORROW YOU'LL BE HERE, MAYBE YOU WON'T.
MAYBE YOU'LL JUST GO ON BACK TO SARAH.
ALL I'M SAYING IS--
ALL I'M SAYING IS TAKE CARE WHAT YOU PROMISE MY SON.
DON'T GO MAKING HIM ANY PROMISES YOU DON'T INTEND TO KEEP.
BUT I JUST WANT HIM TO LEARN
HOW TO SUBTRACT!
SHALL I DRY?
JUST TELL ME THIS, MACON. BE HONEST.
WHY CAN'T WE GET MARRIED IN THE FALL?
YOU'LL BE SEPARATED A YEAR THEN, MACON.
HEY, MURIEL, PLEASE,
I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.
I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL BE.
I DON'T THINK MARRIAGE OUGHT TO BE
AS COMMON AS IT IS.
I REALLY BELIEVE IT OUGHT TO BE
THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.
OH, PERFECT COUPLES COULD MARRY, MAYBE,
BUT WHO'S A PERFECT COUPLE?
YOU AND SARAH, I SUPPOSE.
NO, NO.
YOU ARE SO SELFISH!
YOU ARE SO SELF-CENTERED!
YOU HAVE ALL THESE FANCY REASONS
FOR NEVER DOING A SINGLE THING I WANT!
VROOM.
VROOM!
VROOM...
IT'S MACON'S SISTER ROSE
THAT'S GETTING MARRIED.
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, ALEXANDER?
VROOM!
ZOOM!
NOW, DON'T BE NERVOUS, HONEY.
VROOM.
EERCK!
I'M COMING TO GET YOU!
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
YOU'RE IT!
IS THAT RIGHT?
YES, IT IS.
WHAT'S THIS?
HEY, LOOK! SOMETHING FOR YOU.
OH!
HELLO, MACON.
HELLO, SARAH.
IT TURNED OUT TO BE A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
YES. YES.
I WORRIED WHEN IT RAINED LAST NIGHT.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, MACON?
UH, I'VE BEEN ALL RIGHT.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
FINE.
WELL, GOOD.
I KNOW YOU'RE LIVING WITH SOMEONE.
AH, YES, ACTUALLY.
AHEM!
YES, I AM.
ROSE TOLD ME WHEN SHE INVITED ME.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
ME?
ARE YOU LIVING WITH ANYONE?
NOT REALLY.
WE'RE READY NOW.
SARAH'S MY MATRON OF HONOR.
DID I HAPPEN TO MENTION THAT?
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
LET'S GO.
WELCOME, FRIENDS.
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN THIS LOVELY GARDEN
TO JOIN ROSE ANNE LEARY AND JULIAN HEDGE
IN HOLY MATRIMONY.
IN TURBULENT, TROUBLING TIMES,
A GOOD MARRIAGE CAN BE THE ONE SAFE PLACE
WE KNOW WE CAN GO.
ONCE WE'VE BEEN TO THAT PLACE
AND KNOWN THAT PEACE,
WE CAN NEVER FORGET IT.
OH.
I HAVE TO BE ABLE
TO TELL YOU WHAT I WANT.
I HAVE TO.
YOU CAN.
BUT WITHOUT BEING AFRAID
YOU'LL GO AWAY.
I CAN'T BE AFRAID
ALL THE TIME.
IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M NOT GOING AWAY.
YOU ARE. YOU'RE ALL PACKED.
I'M GOING TO CANADA TOMORROW, REMEMBER?
IT'S JUST MY WORK.
DON'T LEAVE ME, MACON.
GO TO SLEEP, MURIEL.
SLEEP.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
YES.
MACON?
SARAH.
I DIDN'T GET YOU AT A BAD TIME, DID I?
NO. IS ANYTHING WRONG?
NO.
WELL, ACTUALLY,
MY LEASE RUNS OUT THE END OF THE MONTH,
AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIND A NEW APARTMENT.
YES?
I WAS WONDERING
IF IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT WITH YOU
IF I MOVED BACK INTO OUR HOUSE,
JUST AS A PLACE TO STAY, JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
BUT, UM...
THE HOUSE IS A MESS.
SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT OVER THE WINTER.
THE PIPES BURST OR SOMETHING, AND--
YEAH, I KNOW. I TALKED TO YOUR BROTHERS.
I WENT OVER TO THE HOUSE
WHEN THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE.
ROSE TOLD ME SHE'D BEEN OVER, AND--
ROSE?
YEAH. SHE'S BACK AT YOUR BROTHERS'.
SHE'S WHAT?
SHE'S LIVING THERE FOR A WHILE.
REALLY?
SHE DIDN'T THINK
CHARLES AND PORTER WERE EATING RIGHT.
IS JULIAN LIVING ALONE NOW?
YES. SHE TAKES CASSEROLES TO HIM
AT THE APARTMENT.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT MY USING THE HOUSE.
OH.
WELL, YES. FINE.
OF COURSE.
GOOD.
OH, INCIDENTALLY,
THE PAPERS CAME THROUGH FROM THE LAWYERS...
ABOUT THE DIVORCE.
OH.
IT WAS KIND OF A SHOCK,
SEEING THEM IN BLACK AND WHITE.
DIDN'T TAKE INTO ACCOUNT
THE FEELINGS OF THE THING.
I GUESS I HADN'T EXPECTED THAT.
AH, YES. THAT SEEMS A NATURAL REACTION.
SO, ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE HOUSE, SARAH.
GOOD-BYE.
AHEM.
Sarah: HOW'S THE WEATHER IN EDMONTON?
IT'S KIND OF GRAY.
HERE IT'S SUNNY AND HUMID.
THE AIR IS SO DRY THAT RAIN DISAPPEARS
BEFORE IT HITS THE GROUND.
REALLY?
YOU CAN SEE IT ABOVE THE PLAINS.
IT LOOKS LIKE STRIPES THAT JUST FADE AWAY
HALFWAY DOWN FROM THE SKY.
I WISH I WERE THERE
TO WATCH IT WITH YOU.
WELL, I MOVED BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
MOSTLY I JUST STAY UPSTAIRS.
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW LONELY IT IS.
MACON, DO YOU...
WHAT'S THAT PERSON'S NAME?
THE ONE YOU LIVE WITH?
MURIEL.
DO YOU PLAN ON STAYING WITH MURIEL FOREVER?
I REALLY COULDN'T SAY.
MACON, COME HOME.
LET'S TRY AGAIN.
[ENGINE STARTS]
I LIKE THIS, MACON.
ME, TOO, SWEETHEART.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MISSED MOST
WHEN WE WERE SEPARATED?
LITTLE THINGS. THE SATURDAY ERRANDS.
EVEN THINGS THAT USED TO BOTHER ME,
LIKE YOUR TAKING FOREVER IN THE HARDWARE STORE.
MACON, I THINK WHEN PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MARRIED
AS LONG AS WE HAVE,
MAYBE IT'S JUST MEANT TO BE.
ANYTHING DIFFERENT
JUST DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.
Sarah: ROSE, WHY HAVEN'T YOU MOVED BACK WITH JULIAN?
WHAT'S KEEPING YOU?
SARAH, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT A STATE I FOUND THE BOYS IN
WHEN I CAME BACK HERE.
THEY WERE LIVING IN THEIR PAJAMAS
SO AS NOT TO HAVE TO DO TOO MUCH LAUNDRY.
THEY WERE EATING GORP FOR THEIR SUPPERS.
I'M NOT EVEN GONNA ASK WHAT GORP IS.
IT'S A MIXTURE OF WHEAT GERM, NUTS, AND DRIED FRUIT.
ROSE, WHAT ABOUT YOUR APARTMENT?
WHAT ABOUT JULIAN?
YOU KNOW, I KEPT LOSING THAT APARTMENT
EVERY TIME I TURNED AROUND.
I WOULD HEAD ONE BLOCK EAST TO THE GROCERY STORE
AND TURN WEST TO GET BACK AGAIN,
AND I WOULD ALWAYS BE WRONG. ALWAYS.
I MEAN, THE APARTMENT BUILDING
WOULD'VE WORKED TO THE NORTH SOMEHOW.
I DON'T KNOW HOW.
MACON, ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS?
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU CAN JUST USE A PERSON UP
AND MOVE ON?
YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF BOTTLE OF SOMETHING
YOU DON'T NEED ANYMORE?
IS THAT THE WAY YOU SEE ME, MACON?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[DOG BARKS]
THOUGHT I'D BRING YOU THE MATERIALS FOR PARIS.
[BARKING AND GROWLING]
YEAH, IT JUST ARRIVED THIS MORNING.
DO YOU THINK THAT ROSE
IS NOT COMING BACK?
SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT THE BOYS.
THEY'RE EATING GLOP, OR SOMETHING.
THOSE AREN'T BOYS, MACON.
THEY'RE MEN IN THEIR 40s.
I'M AFRAID THAT SHE'S LEFT ME.
NO, NOW, YOU CAN'T BE SURE OF THAT.
AND NOT EVEN FOR ANY REASON.
OUR MARRIAGE WAS WORKING OUT FINE,
BUT SHE WORE HERSELF A GROOVE IN THAT HOUSE,
AND SHE CAN'T HELP
BUT SWERVE BACK INTO IT.
AT LEAST, I CAN'T THINK
OF ANY OTHER EXPLANATION.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HER A JOB, JULIAN?
A JOB?
YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU SHOW HER THAT OFFICE OF YOURS,
THAT FILING SYSTEM YOU NEVER GET SORTED,
THE SECRETARY CHEWING HER GUM
AND FORGETTING WHOSE APPOINTMENT IS WHEN.
DON'T YOU THINK ROSE COULD TAKE ALL THAT IN HAND?
WELL, SURE, BUT--
CALL HER UP.
TELL HER YOUR BUSINESS IS GOING TO PIECES.
ASK HER IF SHE'D JUST COME IN
AND HELP GET THINGS ORGANIZED,
GET THINGS...
UNDER CONTROL.
PUT IT THAT WAY.
USE THOSE WORDS.
"GET THINGS UNDER CONTROL," TELL HER.
THEN SIT BACK AND WAIT.
OF COURSE, WHAT DO I KNOW?
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE SOFA BED?
IT'S OK. IT'S--IT'S GOOD.
HOW ABOUT THE FABRIC?
IT SEEMS VERY NICE.
HONESTLY, MACON, WHAT'S COME OVER YOU?
YOU USED TO BE DOWNRIGHT FINICKY.
WELL, IT'S...
FINE, SARAH.
IT'S--IT LOOKS VERY NICE.
LET'S MAKE IT UP.
WHY DON'T WE GIVE THE BED A TRIAL RUN?
TRIAL RUN?
YEAH.
MACON?
MM-HMM?
YOU'VE NEVER ASKED IF I SLEPT WITH ANYONE
WHILE WE WERE SEPARATED.
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW?
NO.
I THINK YOU'D WONDER.
WELL, I DON'T.
YOU KNOW, MACON,
THE TROUBLE WITH YOU IS--
SARAH, LOOK, DON'T EVEN START.
IF THAT DOESN'T SUM UP EVERYTHING
THAT'S WRONG WITH BEING MARRIED.
"MACON, THE TROUBLE WITH YOU IS...
I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF, MACON."
THE TROUBLE WITH YOU IS,
YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN PEOPLE OPENING UP.
YOU THINK EVERYONE SHOULD STAY
IN THEIR OWN LITTLE SEALED PACKAGE.
OK. LET'S SAY THAT THAT'S TRUE.
LET'S SAY FOR NOW THAT YOU DO KNOW
WHAT THE TROUBLE WITH ME IS,
THAT NOTHING THAT I MIGHT FEEL COULD SURPRISE YOU,
AND THAT THE REASON I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT THIS SPECIFIC THING IS THAT I CAN'T OPEN UP!
IF WE AGREE ON ALL THAT, CAN WE DROP IT?
P.A.: FLIGHT 615, SERVICE FROM BALTIMORE TO PARIS.
IF YOU NEED HELP WITH YOUR LUGGAGE,
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS WILL BE HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
MURIEL?
I'M GOING TO FRANCE.
BUT YOU CAN'T!
EXCUSE ME. CAN I GET BY?
MURIEL, WHAT IN HE--
YOU DON'T OWN THIS PLANE.
YOU DON'T OWN PARIS, EITHER.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.
HOW COULD YOU AFFORD THE FARE?
I BORROWED.
BUT THE POINT IS WHY, MURIEL?
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
YOU NEED TO HAVE ME AROUND.
WHAT?
YOU WERE FALLING TO PIECES BEFORE YOU HAD ME.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[KNOCK]
YOUR ROOM IS BIGGER THAN MINE IS.
I HAVE A BETTER VIEW, THOUGH.
JUST THINK, WE'RE REALLY IN PARIS.
THE BUS DRIVER SAID IT MIGHT RAIN,
BUT I SAID I DIDN'T CARE.
RAIN OR SHINE, IT'S PARIS.
HOW DID YOU KNOW WHICH BUS TO TAKE?
I BROUGHT ALONG YOUR GUIDEBOOK.
WANT TO GO FOR BREAKFAST?
NO, I DON'T. I CAN'T.
YOU BETTER LEAVE, MURIEL.
OH.
OK.
HELLO?
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO.
SARAH?
MACON, WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NOTHING'S THE MATTER.
I FELT LIKE TALKING TO YOU.
WELL, WHAT TIME IS IT?
I KNOW IT'S EARLY.
I'M SORRY I WOKE YOU.
I WANTED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
THERE'S SOME KIND OF STATIC ON THE LINE.
WILL YOU BE GARDENING TODAY?
WHAT?
GARDENING?
UH...IT DEPENDS ON WHETHER IT'S SUNNY.
I WISH I WERE THERE. I COULD HELP YOU.
MACON, YOU HATE GARDENING.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YES, I'M FINE.
WELL, HOW WAS THE FLIGHT OVER?
OH, UH... THE FLIGHT?
GOODNESS, UM...
I GUESS I WAS SO BUSY READING,
I DIDN'T REALLY NOTICE.
MAYBE YOU HAVE JET LAG.
YES, MAYBE I DO.
Macon: DON'T FALL FOR PRIX FIXE.
IT'S LIKE A MOTHER SAYING, "EAT, EAT."
ALL THOSE COURSES FORCED ON YOU.
[DOG BARKING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[KNOCK KNOCK]
LOOK! SEE WHAT ALL I BOUGHT!
MURIEL, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SENSES?
WHAT MUST ALL THIS HAVE COST?
NOTHING. OR NEXT TO NOTHING.
I FOUND A PLACE THAT'S THE GRANDDADDY
OF ALL GARAGE SALES.
IF YOU SAY SOMETHING'S TOO EXPENSIVE,
THEY'LL BRING THE PRICE DOWN.
I SAW THIS LEATHER COAT I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR.
BUT THE MAN WANTED 90 FRANCS.
90 FRANCS IS $15 OR SO.
REALLY? I THOUGHT FRANCS AND DOLLARS WERE
ABOUT THE SAME.
NO.
WELL, THEN THESE THINGS WERE SUPER BARGAINS.
LET ME BRING THESE BACK TO MY ROOM
SO WE CAN GO EAT.
NO, I CAN'T.
MACON, WHAT HARM WOULD IT DO
TO HAVE SUPPER WITH ME?
I'M SOMEONE FROM HOME
YOU'VE RUN INTO IN PARIS.
CAN'T WE HAVE A BITE TOGETHER?
CAREFUL. THOSE ARE NOT THE WHOPPERS YOU'RE USED TO.
YOU'LL WANNA SCRAPE OFF THE EXTRA PICKLE AND ONION.
WHO'S LOOKING AFTER ALEXANDER?
HMM? DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHAT DIFFERENT PEOPLE?
I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T JUST PARKED HIM, MURIEL.
RELAX. HE'S FINE.
CLAIRE HAS HIM IN THE DAYTIME.
BERNICE COMES IN AND COOKS SUPPER.
ANYTIME CLAIRE HAS A DATE WITH THE GENERAL,
THE TWINS WILL TAKE HIM.
IF THE TWINS CAN'T DO IT
THE GENERAL SAYS ALEXANDER'S WELCOME
TO GO ALONG WITH HIM AND CLAIRE
TO THE MOVIES, OR WHATEVER,
AS LONG AS IT'S NOT TOO ADULT OF A MOVIE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
MACON.
YES, MURIEL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW?
TOMORROW I'M GOING OUT OF PARIS ALTOGETHER.
TOMORROW I START ON THE OTHER CITIES.
YOU'RE GOING WITHOUT ME?
THIS IS HIGH-SPEED TRAVEL, MURIEL, NOT FUN.
I'M WAKING UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN.
TAKE ME ANYWAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE NOW.
THINK ABOUT IT TONIGHT,
AND TELL ME IF I CAN GO TOMORROW.
GOOD NIGHT, MURIEL.
[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]
Muriel Pritchett.
AHH.
UNH!
OW!
OH!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Muriel: MACON?
MACON?
DARN IT.
WHY DID YOU GO WITHOUT ME?
MACON, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
BUSINESSMAN'S PRESS.
UH, THIS IS MACON LEARY.
TO WHOM AM I SPEAKING?
OH, MACON!
ROSE?
YES, IT'S ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
I WORK HERE NOW.
I'M PUTTING THINGS IN ORDER.
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE STATE THIS PLACE IS IN.
ROSE, MY BACK HAS GONE OUT ON ME.
OH, NO. OF ALL TIMES.
ARE YOU STILL IN PARIS?
YES. SO I WAS WONDERING--
DON'T WORRY. I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
HAVE YOU SEEN A DOCTOR?
DOCTORS DON'T HELP, JUST BED REST.
WELL, REST, THEN, MACON.
SARAH?
HELLO, MACON.
EVERYTHING'S TAKEN CARE OF.
I'LL MAKE YOUR DAY TRIPS FOR YOU.
WE'VE RESCHEDULED THE OTHER CITIES.
I START ON THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
HOW DID YOU GET HERE SO SOON?
ROSE. SHE'S A WIZARD.
SHE'S REVAMPED THAT ENTIRE OFFICE.
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE IT.
HERE. MERCI.
I HAVE A PILL FROM DR. LEVITT.
YOU KNOW I DON'T TAKE PILLS.
THIS TIME YOU DO.
YOU'RE GOING TO GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN,
SO THAT YOUR BACK HAS A CHANCE TO HEAL.
SWALLOW.
HI.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
OK.
HERE'S YOUR NEXT PILL.
THOSE THINGS ARE DEADLY.
THEY REALLY KNOCK ME OUT.
OPEN.
MACON.
MMM.
I SAW THAT WOMAN FRIEND OF YOURS.
SHE SAW ME, TOO.
SHE SEEMED... VERY SURPRISED.
SARAH, THIS IS NOT THE WAY IT LOOKS.
HOW IS IT? I'D LIKE TO HEAR.
SHE CAME OVER HERE ON HER OWN.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT
TILL JUST BEFORE THE PLANE TOOK OFF.
SHE FOLLOWED ME. I SWEAR IT.
I TOLD HER I DIDN'T WANT HER ALONG.
I TOLD HER IT WAS NO USE.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW TILL JUST BEFORE
THE PLANE TOOK OFF?
I SWEAR IT.
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
YES, I BELIEVE YOU.
LOOK WHO'S UP.
I BROUGHT YOU A SNACK,
SOME FRESH FRUIT AND THINGS.
THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, SARAH.
I WAS THINKING,
AFTER I FINISH THESE TRIPS,
IF YOUR BACK'S FEELING BETTER,
MAYBE WE COULD DO A LITTLE SIGHTSEEING.
FINE.
HAVE A SECOND HONEYMOON, SORT OF.
YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR PLANE TICKET
TO A LATER DATE.
YOUR RESERVATION'S FOR TOMORROW MORNING.
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN MANAGE THAT.
DID I TELL YOU ABOUT JULIAN?
NO.
HE'S MOVED IN WITH ROSE AND YOUR BROTHERS.
WHAT?
HE'S LIVING THERE.
HE PLAYS VACCINATION
EVERY NIGHT AFTER SUPPER.
WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.
APPLE CIDER.
HERE. TO OUR SECOND HONEYMOON.
18 MORE YEARS TOGETHER.
18.
OR WOULD YOU SAY IT WAS 17?
NO. IT'S 18, ALL RIGHT.
WE SORT OF SKIPPED THIS PAST YEAR.
IT CAN STILL BE 18.
YOU THINK SO?
I CONSIDER THIS LAST YEAR
JUST ANOTHER STAGE IN OUR MARRIAGE.
DON'T WORRY. IT'S 18.
JUST TELL ME ONE THING, MACON.
WAS THE LITTLE BOY THE ATTRACTION?
HMM?
THE FACT THAT SHE HAD A CHILD.
IS THAT WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO THAT WOMAN?
OH, SARAH, I SWEAR TO YOU I HAD NO IDEA
SHE WAS PLANNING TO FOLLOW ME OVER HERE.
OH, NO. I REALIZE THAT.
I WAS JUST...
WONDERING ABOUT THE CHILD QUESTION.
WHAT CHILD QUESTION?
REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID
WE COULD HAVE ANOTHER BABY?
OH, WELL, THAT WAS-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.
I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHAT? NO. SARAH, IT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
SO THE LITTLE BOY WASN'T THE REASON.
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE, SARAH?
CAN'T YOU JUST ANSWER ME?
I'D LIKE TO UNDERSTAND.
LOOK! IT'S OVER WITH!
CAN'T WE CLOSE THE LID ON IT? I DON'T CROSS-EXAMINE YOU.
I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY FOLLOWING ME TO PARIS.
WOULD I BLAME YOU IF SOMEONE
CLIMBED ON A PLANE WITHOUT YOUR KNOWING?
BEFORE IT LEFT THE GROUND?
PARDON? WHAT? SARAH!
BEFORE IT LEFT THE GROUND YOU SAW HER.
YOU COULD HAVE SAID TO HER, "NO. STOP THIS.
"GET OFF. I WANT NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH YOU.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."
YOU THINK I OWN THE AIRLINE?
YOU COULD'VE STOPPED HER IF YOU WANTED TO.
YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN STEPS! FOR ONCE!
SARAH.
HMM?
SARAH, I'M GOING BACK TO MURIEL.
I KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY.
I'M SORRY, SARAH.
I TRIED, BUT I CAN'T MAKE THIS WORK.
YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT ME.
I HAVEN'T TAKEN STEPS VERY OFTEN.
MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR ME TO START.
I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HAPPEN.
I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S NO GOOD FOR US ANYMORE.
I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THAT MAYBE
IT'S NOT JUST HOW MUCH YOU LOVE SOMEONE.
MAYBE WHAT MATTERS IS...
WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM.
WAS IT A MISTAKE TO TRY AGAIN?
NO. IT'S WRONG TO THINK WE CAN PLAN EVERYTHING...
AS THOUGH IT WERE A BUSINESS TRIP.
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT ANYMORE.
THINGS JUST HAPPEN.
I DON'T REGRET A MINUTE
I'VE SPENT WITH YOU, SARAH.
WHEN I SAW YOU...
AT ROSE'S WEDDING...
I KNEW THAT SOMEHOW YOU'D RECOVERED,
THAT YOU'D GONE ON WITH YOUR LIFE AFTER ETHAN.
WELL, I TRIED,
BUT I COULDN'T DO IT ON MY OWN.
THIS WOMAN...
THIS ODD WOMAN... HELPED ME.
SHE'S GIVEN ME ANOTHER CHANCE
TO DECIDE WHO I AM...
TO STEP OUT OF THE LEARY GROOVE...
AND STAY OUT.
YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE.
WE BOTH KNOW THAT.
BUT I NEED HER.
ATTENDEZ!
AU REVOIR, MONSIEUR. BON VOYAGE.
OU ALLEZ-VOUS?
CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT, S'IL VOUS PLAIT.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
UH...
UH, ARRETEZ.
STOP FOR THAT...WOMAN.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--