1
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,247
Oh, that's a big fella.
2
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,082
Whoa!
3
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,694
- Looks great.
- Thank you.
4
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,905
- Happy vacation, honey.
- Ooh.
5
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,117
Manchurian tung oil.
Where did you get this?
6
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,952
Helen got it for me in Oslo.
7
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:28,790
Well, there's enough here
to do the whole table and the bureau.
8
00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,083
Hmm.
9
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,002
I wonder what this could be.
10
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:36,924
- Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.
- Enough there to do the entire guest room.
11
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:39,384
I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home.
12
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,346
- I'm gonna get started right away.
- Well, hey, where are you going?
13
00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,847
14
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,974
15
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,477
- I'll get it.
- Be my guest.
16
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,853
I'll just get the--
17
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,355
18
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,483
- Maybe you should get it.
- I'll go.
19
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,068
Okay. No!
20
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,569
21
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,072
22
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,573
23
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,116
Oh, no.
24
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:10,874
Ugh, Jane.
25
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,169
It's your turn, honey.
26
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,268
-Good luck.
-Thanks.
27
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,229
- Hi, Barbara.
- Hi.
28
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,231
Glad I caught you.
Heard you were on vacation.
29
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,857
That's right. Complete vacation.
30
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:39,861
- Honey, today I'm $260,000.
- No, Jane.
31
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:42,906
- It's 6:45 in the morning.
- This offer is real.
32
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:46,368
From a man in New York City
who only saw a photograph.
33
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,204
Jane, don't send people photos of our house.
34
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:53,625
He wants to bring the wife and family
up here for some peace and quiet.
35
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,502
That's exactly what we're looking for.
36
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,504
But, Barbara, this house is too big for you.
37
00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,173
It really ought to be
for a couple with a family, you know--?
38
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,304
Oh, pumpkin, I didn't mean anything.
It's just that this house is too big.
39
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,514
- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?
- Okay.
40
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,849
- All right.
- Think about it.
41
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,058
Take care.
42
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,480
43
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,070
Boo!
44
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,407
- I was just telling Barbara about this offer--
- No, Jane.
45
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,326
Adam.
46
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,915
47
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,543
Barbara, come with me down to the store.
48
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,588
- What for?
- I need a new brush for this tung oil.
49
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:43,425
- And I want to get a part for the model.
- Well, you just run in, okay?
50
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:05,364
Two weeks at home.
The perfect vacation.
51
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,617
Jane says we should
sell the house to someone with a family.
52
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:12,329
Well, I don't think that
it's any of Jane's business.
53
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,665
Besides, we could try again
on this vacation, you know.
54
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,460
Oh, really? What are you saying?
55
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:38,355
- How are you doing, Ernie?
- Hi, how are you?
56
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:48,657
Morning, Adam.
57
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,159
- Need a haircut before your vacation?
- No, thanks, Bill.
58
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,036
- How's the model coming?
- Oh, it's great.
59
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:58,792
You know, you said Bozman built that
foundation in 1835. But his grandson....
60
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:11,096
He got hair right down to his goddamn shoulders.
61
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,391
He says to me, "Just trim it a little."
62
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,894
- I took the scissors to him so fast--
- See you later, huh, Bill?
63
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,940
Right.
64
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:32,909
This is gonna be great.
65
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:36,204
Are you sure you wouldn't rather go
to Jamaica or someplace like that?
66
00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,957
- No way. There's no place like home.
- Hey, look out for that--!
67
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,877
68
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,299
69
00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:58,894
70
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,743
71
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,922
Perfect start to our vacation.
72
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:30,008
Well, you'll feel better when you're dry, honey.
73
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,596
That fire wasn't burning when we left.
74
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:39,142
- How's your arm?
- I don't know. It feels frozen.
75
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,108
76
00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:58,870
I'll make some coffee
and you get wood for the fire.
77
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,790
Maybe we should just take things extra slow.
78
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,918
Do you remember how we got back up here?
79
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:10,257
I'm gonna go back down to the bridge
and retrace our steps.
80
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,306
81
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,565
- You saved my--
- Two hours.
82
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:30,318
- Barbara, you are not gonna believe-- What?
- That's how long you were gone.
83
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,406
- What is going on?
- I have to show you something.
84
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,117
Look.
85
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,585
There's that.
86
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,795
And there's that.
87
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,681
- "Handbook for the Recently Diseased."
- Deceased.
88
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,643
"Deceased."
89
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:07,480
I don't know where it came from.
Look at the publisher.
90
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:14,696
"Handbook for
the Recently Deceased Press."
91
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,783
You know what?
I don't think we survived the crash.
92
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,205
I hate this.
93
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,292
Just-- Can you give me the basics?
94
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,253
Well, this book isn't arranged that way.
What do you wanna know?
95
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:33,882
Well, why did you disappear
when you stepped off the porch?
96
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,509
Are we halfway to heaven,
are we halfway to hell?
97
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:38,678
And how long is this gonna last?
98
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,889
I don't see anything about heaven or hell.
99
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,892
This book reads like stereo instructions.
Listen to this:
100
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,935
"Geographical and Temporal Perimeters.
101
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:49,731
Functional perimeters vary from
manifestation to manifestation."
102
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,068
Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey.
103
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:54,569
104
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,745
105
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,803
Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?
106
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:23,431
Well, I better find a job.
Let's see. Business section.
107
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:29,187
Ooh-la-la.
108
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,940
What do we got here?
The Maitlands, huh?
109
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,775
110
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:37,445
Cute couple. Look nice and stupid too.
111
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:39,614
112
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:47,038
I wish I had a better view
of the cemetery from here.
113
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,125
I can't tell which is the best placement for us.
114
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:52,293
115
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,132
Cabin fever, hon?
116
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:58,925
Well, I can't clean anything properly.
117
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:02,053
The vacuum's out in the garage
and we can't leave the house.
118
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,306
Why don't they tell us something?
Where are all the other dead people?
119
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,475
Why is it just you and me?
120
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:09,811
Maybe this is heaven.
121
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,314
In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything.
122
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,817
123
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,825
It's Jane.
124
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:32,584
God, what's she doing here?
-I don't know. Hey, Jane, up here. Jane.
125
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,925
- Can't see you, right?
- Uh-uh.
126
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,847
In the book, rule number two:
"The living usually won't see the dead."
127
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,560
- Won't or can't?
- It just says "won't."
128
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,731
God, this book is so stupid.
I can't understand anything in there.
129
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,776
Barb, honey...
130
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,028
...we're dead.
131
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,656
I don't think we have very much
to worry about anymore.
132
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,134
133
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,224
Aah!
134
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,270
135
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,901
Ah, this is great.
This is just what the doctor ordered.
136
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,158
Sorry, ma'am.
137
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:52,580
Delia Deetz, welcome home.
138
00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,123
Charles.
139
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,918
It's okay, there's no damage.
Look, see? It's okay.
140
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,420
Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship.
141
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,256
And look at that kitchen.
142
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:04,259
You're finally gonna be able
to cook a decent meal.
143
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,471
Come and have a look.
144
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:21,568
A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem.
145
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:24,070
Excuse me. Down we go.
146
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,292
We'll have to rip out all the plumbing.
147
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:40,587
But other than that, it's perfect.
Just perfect.
148
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,591
- What do you think, honey?
- Delia hates it.
149
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,429
I could live here.
150
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,431
Careful. That's my sculpture.
151
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:55,685
I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it."
I mean I made it. It's my sculpture.
152
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,813
Put it on the table.
153
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:10,241
Ten minutes.
I'm already perfectly at ease.
154
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,910
It's perfect.
155
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,119
156
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:16,122
- Help!
- It's Otho.
157
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:19,417
Otho, why don't you just
come in the front?
158
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:21,336
It's bad luck.
159
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:24,422
Otho, you left the city for me.
I am so happy.
160
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,549
Of course you are.
161
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,093
- Delia.
- You're right.
162
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,179
- Let's get one thing straight.
- You're right.
163
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,473
- We're here to enjoy the country setting...
- Mm-hm.
164
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,350
- ...not to trash the place.
- You're right.
165
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:38,102
Charles, you're lucky
the yuppies are buying condos...
166
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,689
...so you can afford what I'm going
to have to do to this place.
167
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:46,945
Otho, I'm here to relax and clip coupons,
and, damn it, I mean to do it.
168
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,697
Then go do it quietly, dear,
and let Otho and I think.
169
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,950
Is the rest of the house as bad as this?
170
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,994
Is this a punishment or something?
171
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:56,537
What are we gonna do?
172
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,041
We're not completely helpless, Barbara.
173
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:04,170
I've been reading that book and there's
a word for people in our situation.
174
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,506
Ghosts.
175
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,677
Delia, let's get this show on the road.
176
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,598
We're dealing with
negative entertainment potential.
177
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,476
I mean, there's absolutely
no organic flow-through.
178
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,271
I noticed that too.
It's like a giant ant farm.
179
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,360
- What?
- I thought I saw something.
180
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,207
You've read my mind.
181
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:44,210
- I did?
- So few clients are able to read my mind.
182
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,921
They're just not open to the experience.
183
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,673
Hmm.
184
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,428
185
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,513
186
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:56,723
My God.
187
00:16:56,890 --> 00:17:00,309
We just have to pray the other closets
are bigger than this one.
188
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,645
Ooh, look.
189
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:05,565
Ozzie and Harriet.
190
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,066
Ugh.
191
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,694
- What happened to these people?
- They died.
192
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,904
Oh, look, an indoor outhouse.
193
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,036
- Otho.
- Viridian.
194
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,621
Viridian. Now, why do I know that name?
195
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,623
Blue-green.
196
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,126
Hydrated chromic oxide.
197
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:28,713
Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry.
I was a hair analyst.
198
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,174
- What?
- Briefly.
199
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:38,973
Yuck. Deliver me from L.L.Bean.
200
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:40,933
- Boo!
- Aah!
201
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,853
I know what you two are up to
and you're not gonna get away with it.
202
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,147
Oh, honey, this is not working out at all.
203
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:49,984
Charles, I will not stop living and breathing
art just because you need to relax.
204
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,194
Ha.
205
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,738
I'm here.
I will live with you in this hellhole.
206
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,867
But I must express myself.
If you don't let me gut out this house...
207
00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:02,747
...and make it my own, I will go insane
and I will take you with me!
208
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:08,002
Yeah. Well, you know, maybe the house
could use a little remodeling.
209
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:12,090
Uh, but why don't you just leave
this room alone, okay?
210
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:13,883
Okay.
211
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,140
I'm gonna get her.
212
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:22,725
So?
213
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:25,686
Once you cover up the wallpaper,
knock down a few walls...
214
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,396
...this place might just be livable.
215
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,483
- What's on the third floor?
- Attic space.
216
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,735
Oh, I forgot to lock the attic door.
217
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,703
- Did you feel something?
- When?
218
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,041
219
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:51,879
220
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:55,007
- You don't have a key?
- Maybe Charles does.
221
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:59,220
I have a feeling there's something
very interesting behind this door.
222
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:03,182
Yeah, ghosts of the people who died
in this house, and they want us out of here.
223
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,560
So let's do them a favor.
224
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:25,079
My God, that was close.
225
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,583
I cannot watch this.
226
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,669
What's the good of being a ghost
if you can't frighten people away?
227
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,672
- Honey.
- No, I'm not putting up with this.
228
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:41,512
229
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:47,351
- Barbara, you don't know what's out there.
- I don't care.
230
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,605
Barbara!
231
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,234
Adam.
232
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:58,029
- Adam?
- Barbara.
233
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,114
Adam!
234
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,617
- Adam. Oh, help.
- Barbara.
235
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,285
Help, I'm getting all yellow.
236
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,245
237
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,551
238
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,554
239
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,475
240
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,398
Adam!
241
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,449
Oh, Adam.
242
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:47,286
We're trapped in this house with those people.
243
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:55,336
I can't believe we're eating Cantonese.
Is there no Sichuan up here?
244
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:59,840
Plan to have a stroke from the amount
of MSG that's in this food.
245
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:02,218
This is our first meal in this house...
246
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:05,930
...so why don't we all do our little private
parts to make it a pleasant one?
247
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,224
Don't bait your mother, pumpkin.
248
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:12,353
Soon as we get settled, we'll build you
a darkroom in the basement, okay?
249
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,689
My whole life is a darkroom.
250
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,985
One big dark room.
251
00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,820
So you were miserable in New York City...
252
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:23,698
...and now you're going to be miserable
out here in the sticks.
253
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:25,866
At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.
254
00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:28,369
I'm perfectly happy here.
Those people in New York...
255
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,538
...they just don't know
what they're missing.
256
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,503
You know, we could become
The Summer Art Center of New York.
257
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:40,673
I could start sculpting again.
I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting.
258
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:44,719
That's a very good idea.
That'll be, um, ahem, very time-consuming.
259
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,305
First the house.
Otho and I have some great plans.
260
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,390
I think we should keep it the way it is.
261
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,475
Good idea.
262
00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:59,400
Furniture truck is coming. We're gonna
have to decide what goes and what stays.
263
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,986
Everything goes,
along with whatever's in the attic.
264
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:19,920
Put it up. Come on.
265
00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:21,589
Careful.
266
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:25,426
You see, if you tell me what you do
I'll tell you why my husband will fire you.
267
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,513
- Isn't there an index or something?
- No, nothing.
268
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:30,890
All right, now.
269
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,184
What's this?
270
00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:39,065
No, no, I'm sorry.
That does not go there.
271
00:22:39,232 --> 00:22:41,942
Do you know where that's going?
Did anyone tell you where to--?
272
00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:45,112
Why are there only three sculptures?
There were four sculptures here.
273
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,198
Where's the fourth sculpture? No!
274
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:49,367
No, what are you doing?
275
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,702
Excuse me. Put it down.
276
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:57,792
"Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist.
Troubled by the living?
277
00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:00,628
Is death a problem and not the solution?
Unhappy with eternity?
278
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,631
Having difficulty adjusting?
Call Betelgeuse."
279
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:05,132
280
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:06,926
- Put it down.
- Betelgeu-- Betel--
281
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,136
That's it?
There's no number or instructions?
282
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:11,806
Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it.
283
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:13,974
284
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:17,770
- Would you put that down?
- Straight back.
285
00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:19,480
Why is that still up there?
286
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,150
Why don't you guys take a break
for about half an hour, okay?
287
00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:24,652
Uh-huh.
288
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:43,796
Jesus Christ!
289
00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:45,714
What are you doing? Put that down.
290
00:23:45,882 --> 00:23:47,967
What the hell are you doing out there?
291
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:50,511
Listen to me. No!
-Jesus.
292
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:55,099
Why are you doing this to me?
This is my art and it is dangerous.
293
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,143
Do you think I want to die like this?
294
00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:11,031
295
00:24:11,199 --> 00:24:14,201
- No, no.
- Hi. How are you?
296
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:24,712
That little girl saw us.
297
00:24:25,213 --> 00:24:27,965
- Honey, nobody can see us.
- But she did.
298
00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:32,761
- What happened to the previous owners?
- They drowned.
299
00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:35,890
Yes, they were family. I was devastated.
300
00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:38,350
- Here, take that.
- Is this the key to the attic?
301
00:24:38,518 --> 00:24:41,562
That's a skeleton key.
That key will open any door in the house.
302
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:42,980
Give that to your father.
303
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:46,317
And you might mention that I
single-handedly decorated that house.
304
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:50,696
In case he needs any advice in that arena,
have him come see me.
305
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:10,257
306
00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:12,885
Don't worry. I locked the door.
307
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,431
308
00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:22,311
309
00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:23,521
310
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:34,615
Having trouble with the living?
You tired of having your home violated?
311
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:37,034
You want to get rid of them
pesky living critters?
312
00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:41,121
Well, come on down and see me, folks,
I'm the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist.
313
00:25:41,289 --> 00:25:45,376
Yes, sirree. Come on down here
and I want to tell you, I'll do anything.
314
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:51,757
I'll scare them real bad. The point is, folks,
I'm gonna do anything to get your business.
315
00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:54,134
Hell, I'll possess myself if I gotta.
316
00:25:54,302 --> 00:25:57,471
Wow! Yo, I got demons
running all through me.
317
00:25:57,639 --> 00:25:59,848
All through me.
Come on down here and see it.
318
00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:03,811
And hey, if you act now, you get a free
demon possession with every exorcism.
319
00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:05,479
You can't beat that, can you?
320
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:06,981
And bring the little pards down.
321
00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:11,277
Hell, we got plenty of snakes and lizards
for them to play with. No problem at all.
322
00:26:11,444 --> 00:26:15,322
So say it once, say it twice,
third time's the charm. And remember:
323
00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:18,993
I'll eat anything you want me to eat
Swallow anything you want me to swallow
324
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,162
So come on down, I'll chew on the dog
325
00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:24,331
326
00:26:50,233 --> 00:26:55,154
We need some help. I read something in
this book this morning about emergencies.
327
00:26:55,322 --> 00:26:59,533
All right, here it is.
"In case of emergency, draw a door."
328
00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:06,874
"Draw a door"? I don't know why
we keep looking in that stupid book.
329
00:27:10,337 --> 00:27:12,921
Hey, maybe we should try that "Beetle" guy.
330
00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:16,925
Oh.
331
00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:31,023
You didn't actually think
that was gonna work, did you?
332
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:32,816
Aha!
333
00:27:34,152 --> 00:27:35,903
"Knock three times."
334
00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:42,743
335
00:28:16,611 --> 00:28:18,612
Blugh.
336
00:28:21,825 --> 00:28:23,492
337
00:28:38,091 --> 00:28:39,508
Birdies.
338
00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:49,560
Get it.
339
00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:51,687
Dad.
340
00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:54,982
- Can't you see I'm relaxing in here?
- Well, I wanna tell you what I saw.
341
00:28:55,150 --> 00:28:58,736
What is the point of my coming up here
if you people won't let me relax?
342
00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:00,946
Pumpkin, sweetheart...
343
00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:03,907
...go help your mother.
344
00:29:04,075 --> 00:29:06,785
Maybe you can relax in a haunted house,
but I can't.
345
00:29:12,375 --> 00:29:13,417
Hmm.
346
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:17,963
Nice building. Bad roof. Good parking.
347
00:29:31,019 --> 00:29:32,352
348
00:29:48,244 --> 00:29:50,412
- Adam?
- This way, honey.
349
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:04,718
You don't have an appointment, do you?
350
00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:06,345
Well, we didn't know how to make one.
351
00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:08,222
- Appointment for what?
- What do you want?
352
00:30:08,389 --> 00:30:10,390
- We need some help.
- Ha! Already?
353
00:30:10,558 --> 00:30:13,143
You just bit the big one two months ago
and you want help.
354
00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,479
What does that have to do with anything?
355
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:19,358
You're gonna use up
all your help vouchers: D-90s.
356
00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:22,903
You spend 125 years on Earth
actually in that house...
357
00:30:23,071 --> 00:30:27,241
...during which you get only three
class-one D-90 intercessions with Juno.
358
00:30:27,408 --> 00:30:30,369
You probably haven't even read through
the manual completely yet.
359
00:30:30,537 --> 00:30:33,372
You'll have to wait if you don't have
an appointment.
360
00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:38,252
- An appointment with whom?
- For Juno, your caseworker.
361
00:30:40,630 --> 00:30:44,591
Number 54,000,601. Ferndock.
362
00:31:50,283 --> 00:31:52,868
- Want a cigarette?
- Uh, no, thank you.
363
00:31:54,078 --> 00:31:56,455
Trying to cut down myself.
364
00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:17,184
Adam, is this what happens when you die?
365
00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:19,019
This is what happens when you die.
366
00:32:19,187 --> 00:32:23,023
That is what happens when he dies.
And that is what happens when they die.
367
00:32:23,191 --> 00:32:26,026
It's all very personal.
And I'll tell you something.
368
00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:30,364
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn't have had my little accident.
369
00:32:30,531 --> 00:32:32,199
370
00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:37,871
Maitland. Party of two.
371
00:32:38,039 --> 00:32:40,666
Take the handbook and go to the sixth door.
372
00:32:41,125 --> 00:32:43,794
Oh, we forgot our handbook.
373
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:46,713
374
00:32:47,340 --> 00:32:48,799
Come on.
375
00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:57,683
All new arrivals,
report to Waiting Room Number 8.
376
00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:03,730
Flight 409 is arriving at Gate 3.
377
00:33:03,898 --> 00:33:06,441
How do I look?
There are no mirrors on this side.
378
00:33:06,609 --> 00:33:08,193
- Fine. You look fine.
- Yeah?
379
00:33:08,361 --> 00:33:10,320
- Fine.
- Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat.
380
00:33:10,488 --> 00:33:11,530
381
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:19,287
Will the Peterson party
report to Door Number 9?
382
00:33:20,748 --> 00:33:24,334
Peterson party, please report to Door Number 9.
383
00:33:25,169 --> 00:33:28,547
All new arrivals,
report to Waiting Room Number 8.
384
00:33:35,054 --> 00:33:38,098
A hundred and 25 years.
I can't believe this.
385
00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:40,517
I can't believe they didn't tell us.
386
00:33:41,269 --> 00:33:43,270
387
00:33:43,438 --> 00:33:45,856
Oh, Adam, what is this?
388
00:33:49,652 --> 00:33:52,446
That's the Lost Souls' Room.
389
00:33:52,613 --> 00:33:55,365
A room for ghosts that have been exorcised.
390
00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:58,076
Poor devils.
391
00:33:58,244 --> 00:34:00,370
That's death for the dead.
392
00:34:01,581 --> 00:34:03,665
It's all in the handbook.
393
00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:05,375
Keep moving.
394
00:34:10,465 --> 00:34:11,798
Five.
395
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,885
This is the sixth door.
396
00:34:21,642 --> 00:34:24,895
Boy, oh, boy, this place just gets weirder
and weirder.
397
00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:32,903
Barbara.
398
00:34:35,823 --> 00:34:37,407
We're home.
399
00:34:38,326 --> 00:34:42,162
Look at this place. Everything's different.
400
00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:45,415
All our furniture's gone.
401
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,627
How long do you suppose we were waiting there?
402
00:34:48,795 --> 00:34:50,295
Three months.
403
00:34:51,464 --> 00:34:54,341
I'd almost given up on you.
I was about to leave.
404
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:56,802
I do have other clients.
405
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:59,554
- Are you Juno, our caseworker?
- Yes.
406
00:34:59,722 --> 00:35:02,891
I evaluate individual cases
and determine...
407
00:35:03,059 --> 00:35:06,269
...if help is needed,
deserved and available.
408
00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:08,188
- Are you available?
- No.
409
00:35:09,649 --> 00:35:12,859
- What's wrong?
- We're very unhappy.
410
00:35:13,027 --> 00:35:14,820
What did you expect? You're dead.
411
00:35:14,987 --> 00:35:17,030
We want to get rid of the people
who moved in here.
412
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:19,616
Barbara and I worked very hard on this house.
413
00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:22,869
We probably wouldn't mind sharing
the house with people who were--
414
00:35:23,037 --> 00:35:25,288
- More like you used to be.
- Yes.
415
00:35:25,456 --> 00:35:27,040
But these people....
416
00:35:29,001 --> 00:35:31,169
Things seem pretty quiet here.
417
00:35:32,171 --> 00:35:35,382
You should thank God you didn't die in Italy.
418
00:35:35,842 --> 00:35:37,134
The Deetzes.
419
00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:41,221
- Okay, have you been studying the manual?
- Well, we tried.
420
00:35:41,389 --> 00:35:45,225
The intermediate interface chapter
on haunting says it all.
421
00:35:45,393 --> 00:35:48,478
Get them out yourselves. It's your house.
422
00:35:49,647 --> 00:35:52,232
Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
423
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,734
- Well, we don't quite get it.
- I heard.
424
00:35:54,902 --> 00:35:56,736
Tore your faces right off.
425
00:35:56,904 --> 00:35:59,865
It doesn't do any good
to pull your heads off in front of people...
426
00:36:00,032 --> 00:36:01,241
...if they can't see you.
427
00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:03,577
- We should start more simply?
- Start simply.
428
00:36:03,744 --> 00:36:06,538
Do what you know.
Use your talents. Practice.
429
00:36:08,332 --> 00:36:12,210
You should have been studying
those lessons since day one.
430
00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:14,171
431
00:36:14,338 --> 00:36:18,425
- Ooh. I've got to go.
- What about that guy in the flyer, Betel--?
432
00:36:18,593 --> 00:36:19,634
Shh!
433
00:36:19,802 --> 00:36:23,054
Don't even say his name.
You don't want his help.
434
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:25,098
- Well--
- We might.
435
00:36:25,266 --> 00:36:28,935
No, you don't.
He does not work well with others.
436
00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:31,813
What do you mean?
437
00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:37,777
I didn't want to bring it up.
438
00:36:37,945 --> 00:36:42,532
But rather than have you stumble onto it
and make another mistake, I'll tell you.
439
00:36:43,117 --> 00:36:45,035
He was my assistant.
440
00:36:45,453 --> 00:36:48,538
But he was a troublemaker.
He went out on his own...
441
00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:51,791
...as a freelance bio-exorcist.
442
00:36:51,959 --> 00:36:55,962
Claimed he could get rid of the living.
Got into more trouble.
443
00:36:58,507 --> 00:36:59,841
444
00:37:00,009 --> 00:37:04,012
In fact, I believe he's been
sleazing around your cemetery lately.
445
00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:08,308
The only way he can be brought back...
446
00:37:08,476 --> 00:37:11,603
...is by calling his name three times.
447
00:37:12,396 --> 00:37:14,606
But I strongly suggest...
448
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:17,651
...that you remove
the Deetzes yourselves.
449
00:37:18,444 --> 00:37:21,363
Well, how do we contact you
if we need you again?
450
00:37:31,624 --> 00:37:34,876
Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery.
451
00:37:35,044 --> 00:37:38,672
She's right, honey. We just have to
keep this simple. We can do this. Come on.
452
00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:41,841
453
00:38:02,613 --> 00:38:05,323
Hey, you. Hey, come here.
454
00:38:05,741 --> 00:38:07,325
Hungry?
455
00:38:07,493 --> 00:38:09,494
Come on. Hey, come here.
456
00:38:10,871 --> 00:38:13,707
I got something good for you.
Come on. Come on over.
457
00:38:13,874 --> 00:38:16,668
We'll have a little bite,
you'll have something to nosh.
458
00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:17,961
459
00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:22,716
- Come here.
- Help me. Help me. Help me.
460
00:38:23,342 --> 00:38:24,676
461
00:38:24,969 --> 00:38:29,055
Maxie, have I not always made you money?
I think that's the only real question here.
462
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:31,725
Well, Charles, nobody made me money like you.
463
00:38:31,892 --> 00:38:34,060
I mean, before your nerves went,
you were a demon.
464
00:38:34,562 --> 00:38:39,691
It's just that Winter River, Connecticut
is, if you'll forgive me, nowhere.
465
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:43,069
Why would I wanna invest
that kind of money in an old building...
466
00:38:43,237 --> 00:38:46,698
- ...way the hell up there?
- It's not a building. That's the beauty of it.
467
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:50,869
These people don't know the value of
their property. I can buy the whole town.
468
00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:53,621
Oh, then we own a whole town
in the middle of nowhere.
469
00:38:53,789 --> 00:38:55,832
Max, you've got to come up here and see.
470
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,168
And, uh, bring Sarah.
471
00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:01,921
Yeah, all right, Charles.
It's just that I am kind of busy here.
472
00:39:02,089 --> 00:39:03,131
473
00:39:03,299 --> 00:39:04,674
Uh, just a minute, Maxie.
474
00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:08,011
Now, listen. Enough of this talk
about visiting, okay? I gotta go.
475
00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:10,722
You take it easy up there, big fellow.
476
00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:13,600
- Goodbye.
- Uh, Max, wait, wait, wait.
477
00:39:14,935 --> 00:39:16,269
478
00:39:17,688 --> 00:39:18,730
Putz.
479
00:39:18,898 --> 00:39:21,900
480
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:43,797
Jeez, Lydia, is Connecticut so boring?
I had Maxie Dean on the phone, honey.
481
00:39:43,964 --> 00:39:47,717
Dad's found a way of making some money
while I relax, so would you scram?
482
00:39:50,137 --> 00:39:53,640
Your mother's gonna kill you when she sees
you cut holes in her $300 sheets.
483
00:39:56,519 --> 00:40:00,146
This is so corny. Is this what
we've been reduced to? Sheets?
484
00:40:00,314 --> 00:40:01,981
Think of them as death shrouds.
485
00:40:02,149 --> 00:40:04,651
And the moaning is important.
Really moan.
486
00:40:05,736 --> 00:40:08,738
487
00:40:19,834 --> 00:40:21,835
488
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:23,002
489
00:40:23,170 --> 00:40:25,630
God, how can he stand that woman?
490
00:40:32,221 --> 00:40:35,807
Cut it out. I'm a child, for God's sakes.
491
00:40:43,732 --> 00:40:47,527
- I feel so stupid.
- It's not stupid. We're ghosts.
492
00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:50,738
Do you want to spend the next 125 years
having breakfast with this woman?
493
00:40:50,906 --> 00:40:52,449
Moan louder.
494
00:40:52,616 --> 00:40:54,117
495
00:40:57,413 --> 00:40:58,746
496
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:02,500
Oh, God.
497
00:41:03,335 --> 00:41:04,669
498
00:41:08,632 --> 00:41:10,133
499
00:41:10,301 --> 00:41:12,343
Sick. Sexual perversion.
500
00:41:12,511 --> 00:41:16,222
If you guys are gonna do that weird
sexual stuff, do it in your own bedroom.
501
00:41:23,147 --> 00:41:24,189
No feet.
502
00:41:35,576 --> 00:41:37,785
Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
503
00:41:37,953 --> 00:41:40,246
We're ghosts.
504
00:41:40,414 --> 00:41:41,456
Whoo!
505
00:41:41,624 --> 00:41:44,250
- What do you look like under there?
- Aren't you scared?
506
00:41:44,418 --> 00:41:47,462
I'm not scared of sheets.
Are you gross under there?
507
00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:50,173
Are you Night of the Living Dead under there?
508
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:52,759
Like all bloody veins and pus?
509
00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:55,595
- Night of the what?
- Living Dead. It's a movie.
510
00:41:55,763 --> 00:41:59,224
If I had seen a ghost at your age,
I would have been scared out of my wits.
511
00:41:59,892 --> 00:42:03,019
You're not gross.
Why are you wearing sheets?
512
00:42:03,187 --> 00:42:04,521
We're practicing.
513
00:42:04,688 --> 00:42:08,274
- You can see us without the sheets?
- Of course I can see you.
514
00:42:08,442 --> 00:42:10,860
Well, how is it that you see us
and nobody else can?
515
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:15,949
Well, I read through that
Handbook for the Recently Deceased.
516
00:42:16,116 --> 00:42:20,787
It says, "Live people ignore
the strange and unusual."
517
00:42:21,413 --> 00:42:25,625
I myself am strange and unusual.
518
00:42:26,293 --> 00:42:28,711
You look like a regular girl to me.
519
00:42:28,879 --> 00:42:31,130
- You read our book?
- Yeah.
520
00:42:31,298 --> 00:42:34,133
- You could follow it?
- Yeah. Why were you in Delia's bedroom?
521
00:42:34,301 --> 00:42:37,262
- We were trying to scare your mother.
- Stepmother.
522
00:42:37,429 --> 00:42:40,890
Anyway, you can't scare her.
She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.
523
00:42:44,311 --> 00:42:47,939
You did this? You carved all these
little houses and things?
524
00:42:48,107 --> 00:42:49,315
Mm-hm.
525
00:42:49,483 --> 00:42:51,359
And this used to be your house.
526
00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:54,612
Why do you want to scare everybody?
527
00:42:54,780 --> 00:42:57,615
Well, we wanted to frighten you
so you would move out.
528
00:42:57,783 --> 00:42:59,367
529
00:42:59,535 --> 00:43:01,369
You don't know the Deetzes very well.
530
00:43:01,537 --> 00:43:05,206
My father bought this place.
He never walks away from equity.
531
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,542
- Why don't you leave?
- We can't.
532
00:43:07,710 --> 00:43:09,627
We haven't left the house since the funeral.
533
00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:12,338
Funeral.
534
00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:15,174
God. You guys really are dead.
535
00:43:17,595 --> 00:43:18,845
This is amazing.
536
00:43:19,471 --> 00:43:21,097
Lydia.
537
00:43:21,265 --> 00:43:22,932
- I better go.
- Wait.
538
00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:27,687
- Don't tell your parents that we're up here.
- Unless you think it'll frighten them away.
539
00:43:28,355 --> 00:43:30,106
You tell them that we are horrible...
540
00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:34,694
...desperate, ghoulish creatures who will
stop at nothing to get our house back.
541
00:43:36,989 --> 00:43:41,200
What if this is a dream? Can you guys do
any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming?
542
00:43:45,205 --> 00:43:50,043
Well, if you are real ghosts, you guys better
get another routine because those sheets...
543
00:43:50,210 --> 00:43:52,211
...they don't work.
544
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:02,889
Ghosts.
545
00:44:03,057 --> 00:44:05,350
You're telling me we have ghosts in this house.
546
00:44:05,517 --> 00:44:08,061
Those pictures are of ghosts. Are they?
547
00:44:08,228 --> 00:44:09,479
Ghosts.
548
00:44:10,606 --> 00:44:13,608
Lydia, I am giving a dinner party
tonight for seven people.
549
00:44:13,776 --> 00:44:17,320
My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman
who writes for Art in America.
550
00:44:17,488 --> 00:44:21,741
In fact, no one dining here this evening
has not been in Vanity Fair except you.
551
00:44:21,909 --> 00:44:23,910
I told them you were too mean to be afraid.
552
00:44:24,078 --> 00:44:25,912
Don't you dare speak to others about me.
553
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:30,083
Being embarrassed in front of the few
people who will set foot in here scares me.
554
00:44:30,250 --> 00:44:32,710
So let's play family just for tonight, hmm?
555
00:44:38,592 --> 00:44:40,593
Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.
556
00:44:40,761 --> 00:44:42,845
She's got photos, Barbara.
557
00:44:43,013 --> 00:44:45,765
Adam, you had a photo of Bigfoot.
558
00:44:46,433 --> 00:44:49,435
My photo of Bigfoot is a different story.
559
00:44:49,603 --> 00:44:51,270
Anyhow, we've gotta get some help here.
560
00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:54,107
We've gotta contact this guy, Betelmeyer,
or something.
561
00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:03,241
Adam.
562
00:45:07,579 --> 00:45:08,621
Look.
563
00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:15,294
It's him. Betelgeuse.
564
00:45:17,089 --> 00:45:18,589
Betelgeuse.
565
00:45:20,342 --> 00:45:22,593
Go ahead, Barbara, say it.
566
00:45:23,429 --> 00:45:25,138
Betelgeuse.
567
00:45:29,101 --> 00:45:30,810
What happened?
568
00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:34,105
I think we're in the model.
569
00:45:37,484 --> 00:45:38,818
Hey, look at that.
570
00:46:02,509 --> 00:46:04,135
Well, where is he? What do we do?
571
00:46:08,182 --> 00:46:09,474
Looks like we dig, Barbara.
572
00:46:17,858 --> 00:46:19,192
573
00:46:40,547 --> 00:46:42,340
Oh, it's about time.
574
00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:53,643
- I say we open it.
- Maybe we should knock first.
575
00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:05,404
Yeah.
576
00:47:12,162 --> 00:47:14,705
Adam. Babs.
577
00:47:21,713 --> 00:47:25,591
Boy, do you know how to pick them. Is this
relationship solid? Do I have a shot at her?
578
00:47:25,759 --> 00:47:27,927
- Excuse me.
- Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?
579
00:47:28,095 --> 00:47:30,763
Just tell me. Come on.
Know what's beautiful about this?
580
00:47:30,931 --> 00:47:33,558
You two kids picked me.
You didn't have to, but you picked me.
581
00:47:33,725 --> 00:47:36,352
It makes me want to kiss you guys.
Come on, give me one.
582
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,521
- No!
- I beg your pardon.
583
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:40,439
All right, let's get down to business.
584
00:47:40,607 --> 00:47:43,568
I've got a card here somewhere.
Here. Who do I have to kill?
585
00:47:43,735 --> 00:47:45,653
Here, hold that for me, will you?
586
00:47:45,821 --> 00:47:46,863
587
00:47:47,030 --> 00:47:49,240
- There you go.
- You don't have to kill anybody.
588
00:47:49,408 --> 00:47:50,616
Ah, possession. Good.
589
00:47:50,784 --> 00:47:53,953
Learn to throw your voice.
Fool your friends. Fun at parties.
590
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:57,164
No. We just wanna
get some people out of our house.
591
00:47:57,332 --> 00:48:01,919
I understand. Well, look, in order to do that,
I'm gonna have to get to know you guys.
592
00:48:02,087 --> 00:48:04,589
We've got to get closer.
Move in with you for a while.
593
00:48:04,756 --> 00:48:07,091
Get to be real pals.
You know what I'm saying? In--
594
00:48:07,259 --> 00:48:08,593
595
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:10,136
Save that guy for later, huh?
596
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:12,471
My wife and I would like to ask
a couple of questions.
597
00:48:12,639 --> 00:48:16,934
- Sure, sure, sure. Go ahead. Shoot.
- For instance, what are your qualifications?
598
00:48:17,102 --> 00:48:19,312
Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard.
599
00:48:19,479 --> 00:48:21,522
I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School.
600
00:48:21,690 --> 00:48:24,692
I lived through the Black Plague.
And I had a pretty good time during that.
601
00:48:24,860 --> 00:48:27,403
I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times...
602
00:48:27,571 --> 00:48:31,198
...and it keeps getting funnier
every single time I see it.
603
00:48:31,366 --> 00:48:34,076
Not to mention the fact
that you're talking to a dead guy.
604
00:48:34,244 --> 00:48:37,330
Now, what do you think?
You think I'm qualified?
605
00:48:38,457 --> 00:48:40,333
What I mean is, can you be scary?
606
00:48:40,500 --> 00:48:41,500
Oh! Oh.
607
00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:44,503
I know what you're asking me.
Can I be scary?
608
00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:46,964
What do you think of this?
609
00:48:47,132 --> 00:48:48,174
610
00:48:48,342 --> 00:48:49,759
You like it?
611
00:48:50,844 --> 00:48:54,305
- Will you excuse us, please?
- Sure. Talk amongst yourself.
612
00:48:54,473 --> 00:48:57,683
- Adam, let's go.
- I know, but I think he can be useful later.
613
00:48:57,851 --> 00:49:00,353
- We can work something out.
- Oh, yeah.
614
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,188
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Excuse me.
615
00:49:02,356 --> 00:49:05,524
- What?
- Excuse me. We are leaving now.
616
00:49:05,692 --> 00:49:07,693
Oh, come on. Don't go yet.
617
00:49:07,861 --> 00:49:10,196
Hey, guy, come on. We're simpatico here.
618
00:49:10,364 --> 00:49:12,448
Look at us, huh?
We even shop at the same store.
619
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,283
Hey, hermano.
620
00:49:14,451 --> 00:49:16,077
Yeah, there you go.
621
00:49:17,287 --> 00:49:20,581
Hey, come on. We're like peas in a pod,
the three of us. Let's face it.
622
00:49:20,749 --> 00:49:24,961
You want somebody out of the house.
I want to get somebody out of your house.
623
00:49:25,128 --> 00:49:28,547
Look. We've been to Saturn.
Hey, I've been to Saturn.
624
00:49:28,715 --> 00:49:31,133
Whoa. Sandworms.
625
00:49:31,301 --> 00:49:34,470
You hate them, right?
I hate them myself.
626
00:49:34,638 --> 00:49:38,349
Come on, kids, what do I have to do
to strike a deal with you two, huh?
627
00:49:39,518 --> 00:49:41,519
628
00:49:45,607 --> 00:49:47,817
- Don't you hate it when that happens?
- Let's go.
629
00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:52,071
Wait a minute. Just come up for a while.
We'll talk inside. Come on. Come on.
630
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:54,573
- I'm not staying here.
- The place is a mess.
631
00:49:54,741 --> 00:49:57,326
- We have to get out of here.
- I'll fix you something to eat.
632
00:49:57,494 --> 00:49:58,869
Home. Home. Home.
633
00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:04,083
- Barbara, how did you do that?
- Hope you like Italian.
634
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:07,461
Where'd you go? Hey, come on.
Hey, where'd you go?
635
00:50:07,629 --> 00:50:09,755
Hey. Come on.
You've got to work with me here.
636
00:50:09,923 --> 00:50:12,591
I'm just trying to cut a deal.
What do you want me to do?
637
00:50:12,759 --> 00:50:14,093
Where are you?
638
00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:16,595
You bunch of losers!
639
00:50:16,763 --> 00:50:19,598
You're working with a professional here.
640
00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:25,062
Nice fucking model.
641
00:50:25,230 --> 00:50:26,272
642
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,816
See, we can do this stuff on our own.
643
00:50:28,984 --> 00:50:32,028
Besides, I'm not exposing
that little girl to that pervert down there.
644
00:50:32,195 --> 00:50:35,072
Barbara, we did call him,
and he seemed awfully pissed off.
645
00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:36,782
I don't care. I've changed my mind.
646
00:50:36,950 --> 00:50:40,494
Listen, I think we can scare them off
ourselves, tonight.
647
00:50:40,662 --> 00:50:42,163
I have an idea.
648
00:50:49,796 --> 00:50:51,797
I think what you did with the place
is wonderful.
649
00:50:51,965 --> 00:50:53,966
Not me. Them.
650
00:50:54,968 --> 00:50:57,053
-So?
-Oh. Um....
651
00:50:57,220 --> 00:50:58,971
652
00:50:59,139 --> 00:51:00,473
Uh....
653
00:51:01,016 --> 00:51:02,725
You like them.
654
00:51:03,810 --> 00:51:07,313
I just hope it wasn't yet another
of your dreary suicide attempts.
655
00:51:07,481 --> 00:51:10,149
You know what they say about people
who commit suicide?
656
00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:13,110
In the afterlife, they become civil servants.
657
00:51:13,278 --> 00:51:14,320
658
00:51:15,739 --> 00:51:18,491
Otho, I didn't realize
you were into the supernatural.
659
00:51:18,658 --> 00:51:20,659
Well, of course. You remember.
660
00:51:20,827 --> 00:51:23,579
After my stint with The Living Theatre...
661
00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:27,249
... I was one of New York City's
leading paranormal researchers...
662
00:51:27,417 --> 00:51:29,251
...until the bottom dropped out in '72.
663
00:51:29,419 --> 00:51:32,963
Paranormal? Is that what
they're calling your kind these days?
664
00:51:33,215 --> 00:51:37,843
Don't mind her. She's still upset because
somebody dropped a house on her sister.
665
00:51:41,139 --> 00:51:43,682
Well, this looks really good.
666
00:51:45,060 --> 00:51:46,435
I saw some ghosts.
667
00:51:53,068 --> 00:51:56,612
- It's a little private joke Lydia and I share.
- It's not a joke.
668
00:51:56,780 --> 00:52:01,033
Yes, it is. Just today she tried
to convince me that this house is haunted.
669
00:52:03,286 --> 00:52:05,830
Kids. You know, I love them.
670
00:52:07,207 --> 00:52:10,417
- By ghosts?
- In designer sheets, no less.
671
00:52:11,461 --> 00:52:14,338
I'd like to propose a toast
to our intrepid friends...
672
00:52:14,506 --> 00:52:17,716
...who braved the expressway
and two dozen tollbooths to be with us.
673
00:52:17,884 --> 00:52:19,552
May your buildings go condo.
674
00:52:21,179 --> 00:52:24,181
Now, Lydia, favor us about your ghosts.
675
00:52:24,349 --> 00:52:26,725
No. I am sick of that subject.
676
00:52:26,893 --> 00:52:29,061
Oh, Delia, lighten up.
677
00:52:29,229 --> 00:52:31,438
I would rather talk about--
678
00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:39,989
679
00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:48,247
That's cute, Delia.
680
00:52:52,294 --> 00:52:53,627
681
00:53:00,677 --> 00:53:02,761
Otho, are you doing this?
682
00:53:14,357 --> 00:53:16,358
683
00:54:21,341 --> 00:54:23,759
684
00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:31,809
We did it.
685
00:54:33,436 --> 00:54:35,187
Let's watch them scatter.
686
00:54:35,355 --> 00:54:38,857
Any minute now they're gonna come
running out of that door screaming.
687
00:54:42,237 --> 00:54:43,737
Any minute now.
688
00:54:45,573 --> 00:54:47,574
689
00:54:50,829 --> 00:54:52,538
It's me, Lydia.
690
00:54:55,917 --> 00:54:57,710
They want you to come downstairs.
691
00:54:58,211 --> 00:55:01,380
Delia says you can wear any sheets you want.
692
00:55:02,257 --> 00:55:04,717
It was like being in an amusement park.
693
00:55:04,884 --> 00:55:06,051
Wham!
694
00:55:06,219 --> 00:55:10,055
- I didn't even know I could do the Calypso.
- Who has more fun than us?
695
00:55:10,223 --> 00:55:12,891
We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn here.
696
00:55:13,059 --> 00:55:16,687
A very sophisticated pair.
I mean, they even appear in sheets.
697
00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:18,063
698
00:55:18,231 --> 00:55:22,067
Charles, what I wanna know is
why didn't you tell us about this before?
699
00:55:22,235 --> 00:55:24,403
Well, we're not even sure
we want our secret out.
700
00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:27,573
I mean, everyone's gonna want them
for their parties, ha, ha.
701
00:55:27,741 --> 00:55:29,408
People will pay big money for this, Grace.
702
00:55:30,076 --> 00:55:33,579
The Enquirer is offering $50,000
for proof of life after death.
703
00:55:33,747 --> 00:55:35,247
Fifty thousand?
704
00:55:35,415 --> 00:55:38,417
This is it, Charles.
You can get Maxie Dean up here now.
705
00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:42,129
- You think so?
- Sarah loves the supernatural.
706
00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:44,631
She'll have him sprint up here
in his helicopter...
707
00:55:44,799 --> 00:55:46,800
...if you can produce ghosts for her.
708
00:55:48,762 --> 00:55:49,928
Oh, Charles.
709
00:55:50,847 --> 00:55:53,515
I should remind you all that I am Delia's agent.
710
00:55:53,683 --> 00:55:56,268
I have consistently lost money
on her work for years.
711
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,937
If anything actually happened here,
I shall handle it.
712
00:55:59,105 --> 00:56:01,398
But not until I've seen some real proof.
713
00:56:01,566 --> 00:56:05,402
- But, Bernard, what about this table?
- What just happened, what was that?
714
00:56:05,570 --> 00:56:07,446
And what money?
Don't you believe in my work?
715
00:56:07,614 --> 00:56:08,864
Uh-uh-uh!
716
00:56:09,032 --> 00:56:10,574
Here's Lydia.
717
00:56:11,368 --> 00:56:14,286
- Well?
- They don't want to come down.
718
00:56:15,497 --> 00:56:17,206
Charles.
719
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:23,462
Why not?
720
00:56:24,255 --> 00:56:28,884
I think the reason is that they were trying to
scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
721
00:56:29,552 --> 00:56:32,721
Please, they're dead.
It's a little late to be neurotic.
722
00:56:36,142 --> 00:56:37,518
All right.
723
00:56:43,525 --> 00:56:47,611
This was not a hallucination.
This was real.
724
00:56:47,779 --> 00:56:52,908
We all just experienced a very super-powerful
paranormal experience and it was real.
725
00:56:53,076 --> 00:56:57,121
Delia, you are a flake.
You have always been a flake.
726
00:56:57,288 --> 00:57:00,958
If you insist on frightening people,
do it with your sculpture.
727
00:57:02,877 --> 00:57:04,253
Drive carefully.
728
00:57:04,421 --> 00:57:06,338
- I'm dead.
- Where do they hide out?
729
00:57:06,923 --> 00:57:09,591
- The attic.
- The attic's locked.
730
00:57:10,051 --> 00:57:12,261
They're ghosts, Dad.
They can do what they want.
731
00:57:12,429 --> 00:57:16,098
Yeah, they do whatever they want.
Lydia, you take us up there right now.
732
00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:25,190
Fabulous. Otho Fenlock's
"Locked Door Ghosts."
733
00:57:25,358 --> 00:57:26,942
Probably committed suicide up there.
734
00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,278
- I'm totally enchanted.
- They're in there?
735
00:57:29,446 --> 00:57:32,364
- They must live like animals.
- It's locked. How did they get in?
736
00:57:32,532 --> 00:57:35,325
Open this door, you dead people,
or we'll bust it down...
737
00:57:35,493 --> 00:57:38,162
...and drag you out by the ropes
you hanged yourself with.
738
00:57:38,329 --> 00:57:40,539
- They didn't commit suicide.
- It doesn't matter.
739
00:57:40,707 --> 00:57:44,126
I have a chance to teach you something.
Take the upper hand in all situations...
740
00:57:44,294 --> 00:57:46,962
...or people, whether dead or alive,
will walk all over you.
741
00:57:47,130 --> 00:57:49,131
Open up!
742
00:58:00,852 --> 00:58:02,436
So where are they?
743
00:58:02,604 --> 00:58:05,147
Listen, you guys, these ghosts
are really nice people.
744
00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:08,650
I think we scared them away,
so let's just leave them alone, all right?
745
00:58:08,943 --> 00:58:12,362
It's the whole damn town.
746
00:58:13,114 --> 00:58:17,743
I have never been so embarrassed.
They haven't gone for good, have they?
747
00:58:18,578 --> 00:58:20,245
Hmm.
748
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:28,420
- Beep, beep.
- Dad, don't. Mom, let's just go.
749
00:58:40,266 --> 00:58:41,850
No ghosts here.
750
00:58:44,646 --> 00:58:47,564
Come on. If they are in here,
I don't want to scare them away.
751
00:58:50,109 --> 00:58:53,153
Well, we're leaving now.
You can go about your business.
752
00:58:55,532 --> 00:58:58,367
- What are we doing?
- Quick, quick, quick.
753
00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:04,373
754
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:09,545
Oh, boy. You guys are really a couple of
spooksters, aren't you?
755
00:59:09,712 --> 00:59:13,382
Now, let's turn on the juice
and see what shakes loose.
756
00:59:16,135 --> 00:59:19,596
Otho, you get Maxie on the phone.
We've really got something here.
757
00:59:19,764 --> 00:59:23,892
We can turn this place into the world's
leading supernatural research center.
758
00:59:24,060 --> 00:59:27,229
An amusement park. I'll do a presentation.
Lydia will bring the ghosts.
759
00:59:27,397 --> 00:59:30,190
I can't bring the ghosts, Dad.
They're not here.
760
00:59:30,358 --> 00:59:34,778
- Otho, can't you do something?
- Perhaps. If I'm properly motivated.
761
00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:39,575
Just what type of motivation
do you require, Otho?
762
00:59:39,742 --> 00:59:43,328
Why don't you leave them alone?
They didn't do anything to you.
763
00:59:43,997 --> 00:59:45,330
764
00:59:51,921 --> 00:59:52,963
765
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:55,465
Hi.
766
00:59:55,633 --> 01:00:00,679
767
01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:01,972
768
01:00:11,441 --> 01:00:13,108
Whoa!
769
01:00:14,485 --> 01:00:16,486
770
01:00:31,294 --> 01:00:33,503
We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
771
01:00:34,672 --> 01:00:36,006
Stop. Stop.
772
01:00:41,220 --> 01:00:42,387
Yeah.
773
01:00:47,727 --> 01:00:50,520
- Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.
- Oh, no.
774
01:00:53,274 --> 01:00:54,858
Why are you doing this?
775
01:00:56,069 --> 01:00:58,320
Leave me alone, all of you.
776
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:04,660
Great choice we got here.
We spend the next century...
777
01:01:04,827 --> 01:01:07,287
...either hanging out the window
or doing parlor tricks.
778
01:01:07,455 --> 01:01:10,082
Maybe they'll leave now.
That snake was a nasty customer.
779
01:01:10,249 --> 01:01:12,250
- Well, he could've hurt somebody.
- But he didn't.
780
01:01:12,418 --> 01:01:14,878
We've got them right where we want them.
781
01:01:18,966 --> 01:01:23,011
You bunch of losers. How dare you interrupt
a professional while he's working.
782
01:01:23,179 --> 01:01:25,764
I'm not fond of Charles Deetz,
but you could've killed him.
783
01:01:25,932 --> 01:01:29,101
Hey, I'm just doing my job.
Besides, I thought we had a deal.
784
01:01:29,936 --> 01:01:32,396
Hey, it's okay. You know why?
785
01:01:32,563 --> 01:01:36,149
I don't wanna do business
with you deadbeats anyway, thank you.
786
01:01:36,317 --> 01:01:40,112
The only one I think I can deal with
is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter.
787
01:01:40,279 --> 01:01:42,614
- I think she understands me.
- You leave her alone, you--
788
01:01:43,616 --> 01:01:45,117
Ow!
789
01:01:55,002 --> 01:01:57,295
Go ahead, make my millennium.
790
01:01:57,463 --> 01:02:00,132
791
01:02:03,302 --> 01:02:04,678
Yeah.
792
01:02:04,846 --> 01:02:08,765
I'm feeling a little, uh, ooh, anxious,
if you know what I mean.
793
01:02:08,933 --> 01:02:11,309
It's been about 600 years, after all.
794
01:02:11,477 --> 01:02:15,147
I wonder where a guy,
an everyday Joe like myself...
795
01:02:15,314 --> 01:02:17,315
...can find a little action.
796
01:02:17,483 --> 01:02:18,817
Hi.
797
01:02:19,694 --> 01:02:21,153
Yeah.
798
01:02:25,199 --> 01:02:26,992
Come on. Come on in.
799
01:02:34,375 --> 01:02:36,501
Oh, yeah. Here I come, baby.
800
01:02:40,173 --> 01:02:42,841
Oh, yeah. Hey, Adam, nice move.
801
01:02:44,260 --> 01:02:46,803
- Adam, why did you build that?
- I didn't.
802
01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:55,937
All new arrivals report
to Waiting Room Number 8.
803
01:02:56,939 --> 01:02:59,357
Will you guys shut up and leave me alone?
804
01:02:59,525 --> 01:03:01,693
I've got all this paperwork to do.
805
01:03:04,155 --> 01:03:06,114
You two, come in here. Sit down.
806
01:03:06,282 --> 01:03:08,200
Get in here, both of you.
807
01:03:11,829 --> 01:03:16,374
The whorehouse was my idea.
I want Betelgeuse out of the picture.
808
01:03:17,126 --> 01:03:19,669
You two have really screwed up.
809
01:03:19,837 --> 01:03:22,714
I received word you allowed yourselves
to be photographed.
810
01:03:22,882 --> 01:03:25,717
And you let Betelgeuse out
and didn't put him back.
811
01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:28,178
And you let Otho get hold of the handbook.
812
01:03:28,346 --> 01:03:29,638
The handbook? When?
813
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:33,141
Never trust the living.
814
01:03:33,309 --> 01:03:35,977
We cannot have a routine haunting like yours...
815
01:03:36,145 --> 01:03:40,232
...provide proof that there is existence
beyond death.
816
01:03:40,399 --> 01:03:43,777
- Coach. Coach, where's the men's room?
- Yeah.
817
01:03:43,945 --> 01:03:46,571
I'm not your coach. He survived.
818
01:03:46,739 --> 01:03:49,366
Wait, coach, let me get something straight.
819
01:03:49,534 --> 01:03:52,410
- What's our curfew around here?
- Will you get out of here?
820
01:03:53,329 --> 01:03:55,580
Go on, get downstairs. "Men's room."
821
01:03:55,748 --> 01:03:58,250
Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
822
01:03:58,668 --> 01:04:00,418
I'll be right back.
823
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:02,963
Come on. Get out of my way.
824
01:04:12,306 --> 01:04:14,558
Maybe this was all a bad idea.
825
01:04:14,725 --> 01:04:16,726
I didn't say anything.
826
01:04:18,688 --> 01:04:21,731
Oh, who are we kidding, Charles?
You've never had a bad idea.
827
01:04:21,899 --> 01:04:23,066
Yeah?
828
01:04:25,319 --> 01:04:27,487
Yeah, this could all work out.
829
01:04:29,115 --> 01:04:30,407
Home.
830
01:04:31,993 --> 01:04:33,118
Though...
831
01:04:33,870 --> 01:04:36,538
... I'm not sure that this is
the right environment for Lydia.
832
01:04:36,706 --> 01:04:39,249
- Snakes. Ghosts.
- Shrimp.
833
01:04:40,459 --> 01:04:42,043
You family types.
834
01:04:42,211 --> 01:04:46,006
You've got other things to worry about.
Maxie Dean's coming up here tonight.
835
01:04:46,173 --> 01:04:49,968
You've got to figure out a way to sell
these ghosts. I can only do so much.
836
01:04:50,136 --> 01:04:53,263
What are you gonna do, Otho?
Viciously rearrange their environment?
837
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:57,767
I know just as much about the supernatural
as I do about interior design.
838
01:05:05,443 --> 01:05:06,985
"I am...
839
01:05:07,153 --> 01:05:08,862
...alone."
840
01:05:18,831 --> 01:05:20,707
"I am...
841
01:05:20,875 --> 01:05:22,626
...utterly...
842
01:05:22,793 --> 01:05:24,002
...alone.
843
01:05:25,463 --> 01:05:27,505
By the time...
844
01:05:28,841 --> 01:05:29,966
...you read this...
845
01:05:31,093 --> 01:05:32,844
... I will...
846
01:05:33,012 --> 01:05:34,846
...be gone...
847
01:05:35,848 --> 01:05:38,642
...having jumped--
848
01:05:39,894 --> 01:05:43,355
Having plummeted...
849
01:05:43,522 --> 01:05:45,440
...off...
850
01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:50,111
...the Winter River Bridge."
851
01:05:50,279 --> 01:05:52,948
So I don't care what it takes.
852
01:05:53,115 --> 01:05:55,784
You get the Deetzes out of there now.
853
01:05:55,952 --> 01:05:59,204
- Flight 409 arriving.
- Whoa, wait a minute.
854
01:05:59,789 --> 01:06:02,457
- Flight 409 is arriving.
- What are you going to do?
855
01:06:03,042 --> 01:06:04,834
To scare them.
856
01:06:05,002 --> 01:06:07,796
I want to make sure
it's not some silly parlor trick.
857
01:06:09,090 --> 01:06:10,131
I'll go first, honey.
858
01:06:20,309 --> 01:06:21,643
859
01:06:24,188 --> 01:06:25,855
860
01:06:32,905 --> 01:06:36,074
Not bad. Not bad. Now you.
861
01:06:37,243 --> 01:06:38,576
Go ahead.
862
01:06:52,299 --> 01:06:55,010
Okay, you look great.
863
01:06:55,177 --> 01:07:00,640
Now, go clean house and don't forget
the photographs and the damned handbook.
864
01:07:00,891 --> 01:07:03,560
Please report to Door Number 9.
865
01:07:03,978 --> 01:07:07,564
All new arrivals,
report to Waiting Room Number 8.
866
01:07:08,774 --> 01:07:11,693
- Coach?
- What?
867
01:07:11,861 --> 01:07:14,237
I don't think we survived that crash.
868
01:07:14,655 --> 01:07:16,197
How did you guess?
869
01:07:19,535 --> 01:07:21,453
Mr. and Mrs. Maitland?
870
01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:27,834
Hello?
871
01:07:28,586 --> 01:07:31,463
- Where are you?
- Dead.
872
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:34,340
Dead, dead, deadski.
873
01:07:35,426 --> 01:07:37,385
Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
874
01:07:37,553 --> 01:07:41,973
No, I mean they're gone. Split.
Out of here. Afterlife kids.
875
01:07:42,141 --> 01:07:45,477
- Deceased.
- Are you a ghost too?
876
01:07:46,395 --> 01:07:48,938
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
877
01:07:51,275 --> 01:07:54,778
You know, you look like somebody
I can relate to.
878
01:07:55,821 --> 01:07:58,990
Maybe you could help me get out of here,
you know, because...
879
01:07:59,158 --> 01:08:01,826
... I gotta tell you, this, uh, death thing--
880
01:08:03,788 --> 01:08:05,121
881
01:08:05,289 --> 01:08:06,456
It's just too creepy.
882
01:08:06,874 --> 01:08:08,666
See, here's my problem.
883
01:08:08,834 --> 01:08:11,753
I got these friends on the outside
that I said I'd meet.
884
01:08:11,921 --> 01:08:14,214
You know, I have to be there
in person, you know.
885
01:08:14,381 --> 01:08:17,675
So I was just wondering,
could you help me get out of here?
886
01:08:18,094 --> 01:08:19,135
I wanna get in.
887
01:08:20,971 --> 01:08:22,013
Why?
888
01:08:22,556 --> 01:08:23,598
Well, you know...
889
01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:27,310
...hey, you've probably got your reasons,
but I can't do anything from over here.
890
01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:32,190
If you could get me out, over there,
then maybe we could talk or something.
891
01:08:32,358 --> 01:08:36,027
But, you know, in order to do that
you've gotta say my name three times.
892
01:08:36,195 --> 01:08:38,071
What's your name?
893
01:08:38,239 --> 01:08:41,533
- Well, uh, I can't tell you.
- Why not?
894
01:08:41,700 --> 01:08:46,162
Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends,
they're calling me on the horn all the time.
895
01:08:46,330 --> 01:08:50,041
I've gotta show up at shopping centers
for openings, sign autographs, shit like that.
896
01:08:50,209 --> 01:08:53,711
And it makes my life a hell, okay?
A living hell.
897
01:08:53,879 --> 01:08:58,550
But maybe if you have a pen, maybe
we can-- I know. You ever play charades?
898
01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:00,510
- Yeah.
- Good. Good.
899
01:09:00,678 --> 01:09:02,303
Ahh, here we go then. Ready?
900
01:09:02,638 --> 01:09:06,141
- Um, two words.
- Right.
901
01:09:07,726 --> 01:09:10,103
First word, two syllables.
902
01:09:10,354 --> 01:09:12,147
Look.
903
01:09:12,314 --> 01:09:14,566
You know, just turn around.
904
01:09:15,526 --> 01:09:17,235
I don't know what your signal means.
905
01:09:17,403 --> 01:09:19,195
Turn around and look behind you.
906
01:09:20,447 --> 01:09:22,073
Hi. How are you?
907
01:09:22,908 --> 01:09:25,660
- Beetle.
- Got it. Okay, now, two.
908
01:09:28,914 --> 01:09:31,249
Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle?
909
01:09:31,417 --> 01:09:33,251
Beetle fruit?
910
01:09:33,919 --> 01:09:35,253
Beetle breakfast?
911
01:09:36,046 --> 01:09:37,422
Beetle drink?
912
01:09:38,257 --> 01:09:39,507
Beetle--
913
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:41,885
Beetle juice?
914
01:09:42,052 --> 01:09:44,554
- Yes. That's it.
- Your name's Betelgeuse?
915
01:09:44,722 --> 01:09:47,557
You said it twice.
Just say it once more. Come on.
916
01:09:47,725 --> 01:09:49,434
It was you, wasn't it?
917
01:09:49,602 --> 01:09:51,394
- Wha--? Me?
- The snake.
918
01:09:51,562 --> 01:09:54,397
No, what snake?
You kids and your imagination.
919
01:09:54,565 --> 01:09:56,024
Just say it.
920
01:09:56,442 --> 01:09:57,734
No.
921
01:09:58,777 --> 01:10:00,111
I want to talk to Barbara.
922
01:10:00,279 --> 01:10:03,781
No, you don't need to talk to Barbara.
Just say it.
923
01:10:07,286 --> 01:10:10,914
Oh, Adam, I can't go through with it.
I like that little girl.
924
01:10:11,081 --> 01:10:14,626
But, Barbara, honey, it's too late.
We have to go through with this.
925
01:10:14,793 --> 01:10:18,796
No, we don't.
I mean, can't we rebel or something?
926
01:10:19,215 --> 01:10:20,882
927
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:23,259
Barbara.
928
01:10:24,136 --> 01:10:26,429
Adam, I want to be with Lydia.
929
01:10:37,316 --> 01:10:39,901
Come on. Just say it.
930
01:10:40,819 --> 01:10:43,154
- No!
- No! Lydia, don't say it.
931
01:10:43,322 --> 01:10:46,157
You. Say it.
932
01:10:46,325 --> 01:10:49,202
It's okay. It's okay. It's us.
What's going on?
933
01:10:50,329 --> 01:10:51,829
- Betel--
- Shh!
934
01:10:51,997 --> 01:10:55,750
He told me that if I let him out he would
take me to the other side to find you.
935
01:10:56,293 --> 01:10:59,128
No, Lydia, we're dead.
936
01:11:00,214 --> 01:11:03,216
- I wanna be dead too.
- No.
937
01:11:04,635 --> 01:11:06,261
Lydia...
938
01:11:10,849 --> 01:11:13,851
...being dead really doesn't
make things any easier.
939
01:11:14,311 --> 01:11:18,856
Listen to her on this, Lydia.
This is something we know a lot about.
940
01:11:19,024 --> 01:11:22,527
And you can come up here
and visit us anytime you want.
941
01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:26,572
I have a feeling things are going to be
a little better around here from now on.
942
01:11:26,740 --> 01:11:27,991
943
01:11:28,617 --> 01:11:30,285
What do you mean, better?
944
01:11:30,452 --> 01:11:35,248
Well, we've decided that we're going to
invite you and your family to stay.
945
01:11:36,041 --> 01:11:37,041
That's right, Lydia.
946
01:11:42,464 --> 01:11:45,883
- Why can't we bring Maxie up here?
- You've got a stake in this too.
947
01:11:46,051 --> 01:11:50,555
This is a presentation. It requires
a sense of occasion, a sense of style.
948
01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:53,224
- It's so big. How will we get it out?
- It's sectional.
949
01:11:53,392 --> 01:11:55,018
- Wait, there are plugs.
- Careful.
950
01:11:55,185 --> 01:11:56,644
Okay, go.
951
01:11:58,564 --> 01:12:01,566
- What's going on?
- I don't know. I'll go find out.
952
01:12:01,734 --> 01:12:03,568
Be careful.
953
01:12:04,695 --> 01:12:06,904
We've got Ed Cornwall
to head the wax museum...
954
01:12:07,072 --> 01:12:11,200
...dedicated to 50 great moments
of the paranormal here in Thanksgiving Park.
955
01:12:11,368 --> 01:12:14,037
Now, you must remember Ed, Maxie.
956
01:12:14,455 --> 01:12:18,791
He's the genius who gave us the talking
Marcel Marceau statue. It was a sensation.
957
01:12:19,501 --> 01:12:24,130
And D-CON is on its knees
to sponsor the insect zoo...
958
01:12:24,298 --> 01:12:26,924
...here in the old hardware store.
959
01:12:27,092 --> 01:12:28,426
We can't lose.
960
01:12:34,641 --> 01:12:36,684
Lydia, you finally decided to join us.
961
01:12:36,852 --> 01:12:39,020
Honey, I just, uh, finished
the initial presentation.
962
01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:42,023
And now I think it's time
to have a stretch...
963
01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:45,777
...and to invite our friends
to meet your friends, okay?
964
01:12:46,779 --> 01:12:48,279
Are they here yet?
965
01:12:48,947 --> 01:12:52,200
Charles, we're here to see some ghosts.
966
01:12:53,160 --> 01:12:55,536
They're not here anymore.
967
01:12:59,750 --> 01:13:02,126
Every time she says that, the paint peels...
968
01:13:02,294 --> 01:13:05,296
...and, uh, some wild creature
tries to kill us.
969
01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:09,092
But we have these pictures, Lydia.
970
01:13:09,259 --> 01:13:12,303
No, really. They said they might come back
and we could all live here...
971
01:13:12,471 --> 01:13:17,058
...if you agreed not to tease them
or make them do stupid tricks.
972
01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:20,311
She has such a tendency to overreact.
973
01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:25,149
Don't worry, we're not relying on her.
We have Otho.
974
01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:30,655
- Are they still here, Otho?
- Otho, are they still here?
975
01:13:30,823 --> 01:13:34,492
Oh, they're still here.
They're just hiding out.
976
01:13:35,327 --> 01:13:37,245
Probably feel guilty about what they did to me.
977
01:13:37,413 --> 01:13:39,038
They're sorry they didn't kill you.
978
01:13:39,206 --> 01:13:42,583
Well, I don't know from guilt.
I just wanna see them.
979
01:13:43,460 --> 01:13:45,211
Otho, can you do it?
980
01:13:45,379 --> 01:13:49,298
- It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it.
- No.
981
01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:56,931
Wait. What am I worried about?
Otho, you can't even change a tire.
982
01:13:59,810 --> 01:14:02,645
I'll be needing something personal of theirs.
983
01:14:02,813 --> 01:14:04,814
You'll have to go to the Goodwill.
984
01:14:08,026 --> 01:14:09,193
Excuse me.
985
01:14:21,582 --> 01:14:23,416
The wedding clothes.
986
01:14:25,085 --> 01:14:26,461
The words:
987
01:14:34,761 --> 01:14:36,429
Hands vermilion
988
01:14:36,889 --> 01:14:39,182
Start of five
989
01:14:39,349 --> 01:14:40,892
Bright cotillion
990
01:14:41,977 --> 01:14:44,270
Raven's dive
991
01:14:44,438 --> 01:14:46,063
Nightshade's promise
992
01:14:46,815 --> 01:14:49,525
Spirits strive
993
01:14:49,693 --> 01:14:54,947
To the living Let now the dead come alive
994
01:15:07,836 --> 01:15:11,214
Barbara?
995
01:15:11,381 --> 01:15:14,592
As sudden thunder pierces night
996
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:17,553
As magic wonder mad affright
997
01:15:17,888 --> 01:15:20,932
Rives asunder man's delight
998
01:15:21,099 --> 01:15:24,143
Our ghost, our corpse
999
01:15:24,311 --> 01:15:26,103
And we rise to be
1000
01:15:29,358 --> 01:15:30,566
Oh, no.
1001
01:15:36,281 --> 01:15:37,448
Help.
1002
01:15:37,616 --> 01:15:39,158
Barbara?
1003
01:15:45,958 --> 01:15:47,708
- Stop it.
- Shh!
1004
01:15:48,627 --> 01:15:49,669
No.
1005
01:15:49,836 --> 01:15:51,587
♪ As flies the lizard
1006
01:15:51,755 --> 01:15:53,297
♪ Serpent fell
1007
01:15:53,465 --> 01:15:56,968
♪ As goblin vizard at the spell
1008
01:15:57,135 --> 01:16:01,180
♪ The buried, dead and slain rise again
1009
01:16:33,046 --> 01:16:35,047
Barbara?
1010
01:16:47,644 --> 01:16:48,853
What's happening to them?
1011
01:16:50,314 --> 01:16:51,939
I don't know.
1012
01:16:53,358 --> 01:16:54,400
They're dying.
1013
01:16:54,568 --> 01:16:57,486
No, they're not. They're already dead.
They can't feel a thing.
1014
01:16:58,572 --> 01:17:01,616
- That's not true. Look at them.
- All right, that's enough now.
1015
01:17:01,992 --> 01:17:03,784
Can you stop this?
1016
01:17:04,870 --> 01:17:05,953
Otho.
1017
01:17:06,121 --> 01:17:08,456
It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry.
1018
01:17:15,797 --> 01:17:19,675
Where are you? Help them, please.
1019
01:17:22,471 --> 01:17:25,890
Sure, I can help them.
But you've gotta help me.
1020
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:29,018
- What?
- Look, I'm what you call an illegal alien.
1021
01:17:29,353 --> 01:17:33,564
I want out for good. In order for me
to do that, hey, I gotta get married.
1022
01:17:34,524 --> 01:17:38,277
Hey, these aren't my rules.
Come to think of it, I don't have any rules.
1023
01:17:40,197 --> 01:17:41,572
Come on. Come on.
1024
01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:45,409
Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience.
Okay? We both get something. I get out.
1025
01:17:45,577 --> 01:17:48,996
You get to say you're hitched with
the most eligible bachelor since Valentino.
1026
01:17:49,164 --> 01:17:52,500
- We're even, babe.
- Okay, just help them.
1027
01:17:54,753 --> 01:17:56,295
Sure.
1028
01:18:06,598 --> 01:18:08,598
Betelgeuse.
1029
01:18:16,274 --> 01:18:17,858
It's showtime.
1030
01:18:35,752 --> 01:18:37,586
Attention, Kmart shoppers.
1031
01:18:44,678 --> 01:18:45,761
1032
01:18:45,929 --> 01:18:47,930
1033
01:18:48,557 --> 01:18:53,436
Well, I'm back. I feel real good about
myself. You know what I mean? So...
1034
01:18:53,603 --> 01:18:55,271
...without further delay...
1035
01:18:56,648 --> 01:19:00,985
...welcome to Winter River
Museum of Natural Greed.
1036
01:19:01,153 --> 01:19:03,070
A monument to the bored businessman.
1037
01:19:03,238 --> 01:19:07,408
Come on, a little closer.
Step right up. Test your strength.
1038
01:19:22,299 --> 01:19:23,340
1039
01:19:29,139 --> 01:19:30,681
Thank you.
1040
01:19:30,849 --> 01:19:32,349
Thank you.
1041
01:19:33,935 --> 01:19:37,688
That is why I won't do
two shows a night anymore, babe.
1042
01:19:37,856 --> 01:19:39,356
I won't. I won't do them.
1043
01:19:39,524 --> 01:19:43,652
Well, what have we got here tonight, kids?
1044
01:19:45,280 --> 01:19:47,573
Well, we've got the, uh, Maitlands.
1045
01:19:47,741 --> 01:19:50,534
I think they've had enough exercise for tonight.
1046
01:19:57,793 --> 01:20:00,753
Not so fast, Round Boy.
We're gonna have some laughs.
1047
01:20:00,921 --> 01:20:02,421
1048
01:20:04,549 --> 01:20:06,050
Otho.
1049
01:20:12,808 --> 01:20:14,475
1050
01:20:15,060 --> 01:20:16,727
1051
01:20:16,895 --> 01:20:18,854
Come on, come on, come on.
1052
01:20:19,272 --> 01:20:20,606
Yeah.
1053
01:20:21,566 --> 01:20:23,317
Mom, Dad:
1054
01:20:25,695 --> 01:20:28,531
I just want you two to know
you're welcome in our house...
1055
01:20:28,698 --> 01:20:30,908
...anytime you want to come over.
1056
01:20:31,076 --> 01:20:34,745
In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad.
1057
01:20:37,249 --> 01:20:40,042
Well, the Maitlands are taken care of.
1058
01:20:40,210 --> 01:20:43,379
Everything seems to be
pretty much back to normal, I think.
1059
01:20:48,093 --> 01:20:49,385
Shall we?
1060
01:20:59,479 --> 01:21:02,064
Called the caterer. He's got a great band.
1061
01:21:02,232 --> 01:21:05,484
We're gonna need witnesses. Would you?
1062
01:21:38,476 --> 01:21:40,936
1063
01:21:55,452 --> 01:21:57,494
Come on. Let's go.
Let's get on with the ceremony.
1064
01:21:57,662 --> 01:21:59,246
Do you, Betel--
1065
01:21:59,414 --> 01:22:00,664
Aah! Uh-uh!
1066
01:22:00,832 --> 01:22:04,919
- Nobody says the "B" word. Come on.
- Do you take this woman...
1067
01:22:05,086 --> 01:22:07,546
...to be your wedded wife?
1068
01:22:07,714 --> 01:22:10,341
Oh, jeez, I don't know.
I mean, it's kind of a big decision.
1069
01:22:10,508 --> 01:22:14,386
I always said if I ever did it,
I was gonna do it once and that was it.
1070
01:22:15,597 --> 01:22:16,931
Sure. Yeah. Go ahead.
1071
01:22:17,098 --> 01:22:20,142
And you, do you, Lydia, take this man--
1072
01:22:20,310 --> 01:22:21,518
No. Betel--
1073
01:22:23,271 --> 01:22:26,774
She's a little bit nervous.
Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay?
1074
01:22:26,942 --> 01:22:29,109
I'm Lydia and I'm of sound mind.
1075
01:22:29,277 --> 01:22:32,488
The man next to me is the one I want.
You asked me. I'm answering.
1076
01:22:32,656 --> 01:22:34,990
Yes, I love that man of mine.
1077
01:22:35,158 --> 01:22:37,201
- Come on.
- Then by the--
1078
01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:39,203
Betel--
1079
01:22:40,789 --> 01:22:42,957
Come on. Come on.
1080
01:22:43,166 --> 01:22:44,583
Betelgeu--
1081
01:22:45,627 --> 01:22:48,212
Hey. Hey. Hey.
1082
01:22:50,215 --> 01:22:51,465
Scram.
1083
01:22:53,259 --> 01:22:54,510
Come on.
1084
01:22:56,388 --> 01:22:58,222
Take a hike.
1085
01:23:01,017 --> 01:23:03,727
May we continue with the ceremony?
1086
01:23:03,895 --> 01:23:05,354
1087
01:23:05,522 --> 01:23:07,564
- Then by--
- Betelgeuse.
1088
01:23:12,237 --> 01:23:15,280
- Betelgeuse.
- Oh, gee.
1089
01:23:17,659 --> 01:23:18,909
Strike.
1090
01:23:22,080 --> 01:23:23,580
Come on, let's get rolling now, rev.
1091
01:23:23,748 --> 01:23:26,750
Then by the authority vested in me--
1092
01:23:26,918 --> 01:23:29,586
- The ring, please.
- The ring. Oh, no.
1093
01:23:32,841 --> 01:23:34,925
Jewelry store. Here.
1094
01:23:35,093 --> 01:23:36,260
That's not it.
1095
01:23:37,762 --> 01:23:39,638
You know I got it, honey.
1096
01:23:46,104 --> 01:23:47,771
1097
01:23:55,405 --> 01:23:58,032
Here it is. Here you go.
1098
01:23:58,199 --> 01:24:02,036
I'm telling you, honey, she meant
nothing to me. Nothing at all.
1099
01:24:07,709 --> 01:24:09,918
- I now pronounce you--
- Yeah, yeah, come on.
1100
01:24:11,671 --> 01:24:13,130
Man and--
1101
01:24:13,298 --> 01:24:14,965
Ow!
1102
01:24:15,133 --> 01:24:16,633
1103
01:24:16,801 --> 01:24:18,552
1104
01:24:43,787 --> 01:24:45,454
1105
01:25:01,513 --> 01:25:04,014
- Bye.
- Bye.
1106
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:06,016
Bye.
1107
01:25:06,184 --> 01:25:08,310
- Bye, you guys.
- Bye.
1108
01:25:12,649 --> 01:25:16,193
- What time is it, honey?
- It's about 3:30, I guess.
1109
01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:18,153
Give or take a year.
1110
01:25:20,573 --> 01:25:21,698
Hello?
1111
01:25:25,120 --> 01:25:26,495
Well?
1112
01:25:27,163 --> 01:25:28,205
Did you get the paints?
1113
01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:32,042
Yes. And I took pictures
of the new town hall for you too.
1114
01:25:32,210 --> 01:25:33,877
How'd you do on that Science test?
1115
01:25:34,045 --> 01:25:36,964
It was gross.
They wanted me to dissect a frog.
1116
01:25:37,132 --> 01:25:40,676
I told them no way. I said it was
against my religion. So I got a C.
1117
01:25:41,427 --> 01:25:42,678
And how about the Math test?
1118
01:25:44,305 --> 01:25:48,559
You have got to be kidding me. We spent
the whole week studying for that test.
1119
01:25:48,726 --> 01:25:50,394
I got an A.
1120
01:25:50,562 --> 01:25:52,521
So can I?
1121
01:25:53,064 --> 01:25:56,233
Well, I don't know.
Got a C on the Science test.
1122
01:25:57,235 --> 01:25:59,820
Adam, don't tease her.
You never got on A in Science--
1123
01:26:05,034 --> 01:26:06,243
Come on.
1124
01:26:07,829 --> 01:26:09,538
Well...
1125
01:26:10,415 --> 01:26:11,707
... I suppose.
1126
01:26:16,129 --> 01:26:18,130
1127
01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:30,142
This thing reads like stereo instructions.
1128
01:26:30,310 --> 01:26:33,437
Sounds like Lydia got an A
on the Math test. Jeez!
1129
01:26:35,440 --> 01:26:37,274
He likes it.
1130
01:26:42,655 --> 01:26:45,657
1131
01:27:15,188 --> 01:27:16,521
Hey!
1132
01:27:17,523 --> 01:27:19,858
Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there.
1133
01:27:22,445 --> 01:27:23,987
Women.
1134
01:27:24,155 --> 01:27:26,531
I don't know what her problem is.
1135
01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:28,742
Normally, chicks--
1136
01:27:35,500 --> 01:27:36,833
1137
01:27:37,001 --> 01:27:38,335
1138
01:27:43,383 --> 01:27:45,467
Pardon me. Did you do that?
1139
01:27:46,010 --> 01:27:49,179
That's very nice work. Let me ask,
how do you get them so sm--?
1140
01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:51,265
Hey, there goes Elvis. Yo, King.
1141
01:27:53,726 --> 01:27:57,312
Well, looks like I'm next.
1142
01:27:58,273 --> 01:28:03,694
Good thing too. I gotta do a photo shoot
for GQ in about an hour and a half.
1143
01:28:03,861 --> 01:28:07,698
They've been after me for months. Doing
some kind of underwear deal, I don't know--
1144
01:28:09,284 --> 01:28:12,202
Hey, what are you doing? Stop it.
You're messing up my hair.
1145
01:28:12,370 --> 01:28:15,205
Come on! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it!
1146
01:28:15,373 --> 01:28:17,958
Whoa!
1147
01:28:18,126 --> 01:28:20,877
Hey, this might be a good look for me.
1148
01:28:27,677 --> 01:28:30,679
1149
01:32:00,890 --> 01:32:02,891
[ENGLISH]