2 00:02:43,510 --> 00:02:45,637 That's a big fella! Whoa! 3 00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:15,669 - Looks great. - Thank you. 4 00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:17,922 Happy vacation, honey. 5 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:21,967 Manchurian tung oil! Where did you get this? 6 00:03:22,301 --> 00:03:23,969 Helen got it for me in Oslo. 7 00:03:24,053 --> 00:03:27,806 There's enough here to do the whole table and the bureau. 8 00:03:30,267 --> 00:03:32,186 I wonder what this could be. 9 00:03:32,269 --> 00:03:34,647 Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you. 10 00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:36,941 Enough to do the entire guest room. 11 00:03:37,024 --> 00:03:39,401 I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. 12 00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:42,363 - I'm gonna get started now. - Where are you going? 13 00:03:46,408 --> 00:03:48,536 - I'll get it. - Be my guest. 14 00:03:53,249 --> 00:03:55,501 - Maybe you should get it. - I'll go. 15 00:04:01,882 --> 00:04:03,133 Oh, no! 16 00:04:09,058 --> 00:04:10,226 Jane. 17 00:04:12,270 --> 00:04:14,188 It's your turn, honey. 18 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,162 - Good luck, honey. - Thanks. 19 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:34,458 Hi, Barbara. I'm glad I caught you. Heard you were on vacation. 20 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,043 That's right. Complete vacation. 21 00:04:36,127 --> 00:04:37,920 Today I'm $260,000! 22 00:04:40,006 --> 00:04:42,967 - It's 6:45 in the morning. - This offer is real. 23 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:46,470 From a man in New York City who only saw a photograph. 24 00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:49,307 Jane, don't send people photos of our house. 25 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:53,644 He wants to bring the wife and family here for some peace and quiet. 26 00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,521 That's what we're looking for. 27 00:04:55,605 --> 00:05:00,028 This house is too big for you. It ought to be for a couple with kids. 28 00:05:01,821 --> 00:05:05,158 I didn't mean anything. But this house is too big. 29 00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:09,078 - I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay? - Think about it. 30 00:05:22,592 --> 00:05:24,886 I was telling Barbara about this offer on the house... 31 00:05:24,969 --> 00:05:26,012 No, Jane. 32 00:05:33,978 --> 00:05:35,897 Come with me to the store. 33 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:39,234 - What for? - I need a new brush for the tung oil. 34 00:05:39,692 --> 00:05:43,613 - And I want to get a part for the model. - Just run in, okay? 35 00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:05,053 Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation. 36 00:06:05,595 --> 00:06:09,307 Jane says we should sell the house to someone with a family. 37 00:06:09,391 --> 00:06:12,352 I don't think it's any of Jane's business. 38 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,981 Besides, we could try again on this vacation. 39 00:06:16,398 --> 00:06:18,483 Really? What are you saying? 40 00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:38,378 - How are you doing, Ernie? - Hi, how are you? 41 00:06:47,598 --> 00:06:48,807 Good morning, Adam. 42 00:06:48,891 --> 00:06:51,476 - Need a haircut before your vacation? - No, thanks, Bill. 43 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,228 - How's the model coming? - Great. 44 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:57,483 You know, Bozman built that foundation in 1835. His grandson... 45 00:07:07,910 --> 00:07:10,913 He's got hair down to his goddamn shoulders. 46 00:07:11,413 --> 00:07:14,208 He says to me, "Just trim it a little." 47 00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:17,920 - I took the scissors to him so fast... - See you later. 48 00:07:32,309 --> 00:07:35,979 - This will be great. - Wouldn't you rather go to Jamaica? 49 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,777 - No way. There's no place like home. - Look out for that... 50 00:08:24,822 --> 00:08:27,158 Perfect start to our vacation. 51 00:08:27,324 --> 00:08:29,910 You'll feel better when you're dry. 52 00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:34,625 That fire wasn't burning when we left. 53 00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:39,005 - How's your arm? - I don't know. It feels frozen. 54 00:08:56,397 --> 00:08:59,192 I'll make some coffee and you get wood for the fire. 55 00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:02,069 Maybe we should take things extra slow. 56 00:09:02,153 --> 00:09:04,947 Do you remember how we got back up here? 57 00:09:06,866 --> 00:09:10,286 I'm going back to that bridge and retrace our steps. 58 00:09:25,094 --> 00:09:26,846 - You saved my... - Two hours! 59 00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:30,350 - You won't believe... What? - That's how long you were gone. 60 00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:34,437 - What is going on? - I have to show you something. 61 00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,148 Look. 62 00:09:45,114 --> 00:09:46,616 There's that. 63 00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:48,827 And there's that. 64 00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:59,712 - "Handbook for the Recently Diseased." - Deceased. 65 00:10:02,298 --> 00:10:03,633 Deceased. 66 00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:07,512 I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher. 67 00:10:11,516 --> 00:10:14,477 "Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press." 68 00:10:14,978 --> 00:10:18,400 You know what? I don't think we survived the crash. 69 00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:24,239 I hate this. 70 00:10:24,322 --> 00:10:26,491 Can you give me the basics? 71 00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:30,453 This book isn't arranged that way. What do you want to know? 72 00:10:30,537 --> 00:10:33,957 Why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? 73 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,585 Are we halfway to heaven or halfway to hell? 74 00:10:36,668 --> 00:10:38,670 How long will this last? 75 00:10:38,753 --> 00:10:41,047 I don't see anything about heaven or hell. 76 00:10:41,131 --> 00:10:44,092 This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen. 77 00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:46,136 "Geographical and Temporal Perimeters. 78 00:10:46,219 --> 00:10:49,848 "Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation." 79 00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:53,643 This is going to take some time. 80 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,755 Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh? 81 00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:23,467 I better find a job. Let's see. Business section. 82 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:32,184 What do we got here? The Maitlands. 83 00:11:34,186 --> 00:11:37,064 Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too. 84 00:11:44,279 --> 00:11:46,907 I wish I had a better view of the cemetery from here. 85 00:11:46,990 --> 00:11:49,993 I can't tell which is the best placement for us. 86 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,875 Cabin fever? 87 00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,253 I can't clean anything properly. 88 00:11:59,336 --> 00:12:02,130 The vacuum's in the garage and we can't leave the house. 89 00:12:02,214 --> 00:12:05,761 Why don't they tell us something? Where are the other dead people? 90 00:12:05,845 --> 00:12:07,972 Why is it just you and me? 91 00:12:08,722 --> 00:12:10,599 Maybe this is heaven. 92 00:12:11,308 --> 00:12:14,061 In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything. 93 00:12:22,695 --> 00:12:23,988 It's Jane. 94 00:12:27,825 --> 00:12:29,577 - What's she doing here? - I don't know. 95 00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,537 Jane, up here. Jane! 96 00:12:37,877 --> 00:12:39,962 She can't see you, right? 97 00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:46,552 In the book, rule number two: "The living usually won't see the dead." 98 00:12:48,179 --> 00:12:50,931 - Won't or can't? - It just says "won't." 99 00:12:51,015 --> 00:12:54,977 God, this book is so stupid! I can't understand anything in it. 100 00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:57,815 Barb, honey... 101 00:12:58,524 --> 00:13:00,067 ...we're dead. 102 00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:03,696 I don't think we have much to worry about anymore. 103 00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:39,482 This is great! Just what the doctor ordered. 104 00:13:45,696 --> 00:13:47,198 Sorry, ma'am. 105 00:13:49,283 --> 00:13:51,412 Delia Deetz, welcome home. 106 00:13:52,872 --> 00:13:54,165 Charles! 107 00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:59,254 It's okay, there's no damage. See? Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship. 108 00:13:59,796 --> 00:14:03,925 Look at that kitchen. You'll finally be able to cook a decent meal. 109 00:14:06,803 --> 00:14:08,513 Come and have a look. 110 00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:20,567 A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem. 111 00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:23,736 Excuse me. Here we go. 112 00:14:34,998 --> 00:14:37,333 We'll have to rip out all the plumbing. 113 00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:40,545 Other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect. 114 00:14:41,671 --> 00:14:44,634 - What do you think, honey? - Delia hates it. 115 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:49,764 I could live here. 116 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,683 Careful! That's my sculpture. 117 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,978 I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it." I mean I made it. 118 00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,857 Put it on the table. 119 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:10,285 Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease. 120 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,621 It's perfect. 121 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:13,872 Help! 122 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,166 It's Otho. 123 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,669 Otho, why don't you come in the front door? 124 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,463 It's bad luck. 125 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,466 You left the city for me. I am so happy. 126 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,593 Of course you are. 127 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,431 Let's get one thing straight. 128 00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:35,477 We're here to enjoy the country setting, not to trash the place! 129 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,190 Charles, you're lucky the yuppies are buying condos... 130 00:15:38,273 --> 00:15:42,402 ...so you can afford what I'm going to have to do to this place. 131 00:15:42,694 --> 00:15:46,949 I'm here to relax and clip coupons, and, damn it, I mean to do it. 132 00:15:47,199 --> 00:15:49,826 Then go do it quietly, dear, and let Otho and me think. 133 00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:52,037 Is the rest of the house as bad as this? 134 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,997 Is this a punishment? 135 00:15:55,207 --> 00:15:56,917 What are we going to do? 136 00:15:57,793 --> 00:16:00,128 We're not completely helpless. 137 00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:04,633 I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation. 138 00:16:05,175 --> 00:16:06,426 Ghosts! 139 00:16:07,803 --> 00:16:10,222 Let's get this show on the road. 140 00:16:13,475 --> 00:16:15,853 We're dealing with negative entertainment potential. 141 00:16:15,936 --> 00:16:18,772 There's absolutely no organic flow through. 142 00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:21,775 I noticed that, too. It's like a giant ant farm. 143 00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:27,406 - What? - I thought I saw something. 144 00:16:38,878 --> 00:16:40,713 You've read my mind. 145 00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:44,300 - I did? - So few clients are able to read my mind. 146 00:16:44,383 --> 00:16:46,969 They're not open to the experience. 147 00:16:55,102 --> 00:16:56,353 My God! 148 00:16:57,062 --> 00:17:01,192 We just have to pray the other closets are bigger than this one. 149 00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:02,693 Look! 150 00:17:03,694 --> 00:17:05,446 Ozzie and Harriet. 151 00:17:08,032 --> 00:17:09,783 - What happened to these people? - They died. 152 00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:11,952 Look, an indoor outhouse. 153 00:17:17,208 --> 00:17:20,377 - Viridian. - Viridian. Why do I know that name? 154 00:17:20,878 --> 00:17:22,296 Blue-green! 155 00:17:23,047 --> 00:17:25,051 Hydrated chromic oxide. 156 00:17:25,426 --> 00:17:28,930 Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry. I was a hair analyst. 157 00:17:29,013 --> 00:17:30,598 - What? - Briefly. 158 00:17:36,562 --> 00:17:38,689 Deliver me from L.L. Bean. 159 00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:44,737 I know what you two are up to and you're not going to get away with it! 160 00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:46,447 This is not working out. 161 00:17:46,531 --> 00:17:50,576 I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. 162 00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:53,829 I'm here with you. I'll live with you in this hellhole. 163 00:17:53,913 --> 00:17:58,668 But I must express myself. If I can't gut this house and make it my own... 164 00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:02,338 ...I will go insane and I will take you with me! 165 00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:08,177 Yeah. Well, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. 166 00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:11,681 But why don't you just leave this room alone, okay? 167 00:18:13,015 --> 00:18:13,933 Okay. 168 00:18:19,816 --> 00:18:21,234 I'll get her. 169 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:22,944 So? 170 00:18:23,027 --> 00:18:27,699 Once you cover the wallpaper, knock down a few walls, this place might be livable. 171 00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:30,577 - What's on the third floor? - Attic space. 172 00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:33,079 I forgot to lock the attic door. 173 00:18:40,837 --> 00:18:42,881 - Did you feel something? - When? 174 00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:55,059 - You don't have a key? - Maybe Charles does. 175 00:18:55,226 --> 00:18:59,522 I have a feeling there's something very interesting behind this door. 176 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:03,443 Yeah, the ghosts of the people who died in this house, and they want us out! 177 00:19:03,526 --> 00:19:05,445 Let's do them a favor. 178 00:19:22,339 --> 00:19:24,341 My God, that was close! 179 00:19:26,218 --> 00:19:28,053 I cannot watch this. 180 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,765 What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away? 181 00:19:31,848 --> 00:19:34,476 - Honey? - No, I'm not putting up with this! 182 00:19:44,569 --> 00:19:47,405 - You don't know what's out there. - I don't care. 183 00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:57,749 Barbara! 184 00:19:58,333 --> 00:19:59,376 Adam! 185 00:20:00,919 --> 00:20:03,547 Adam, help. I'm getting all yellow! 186 00:20:44,423 --> 00:20:47,384 We're trapped in this house with those people. 187 00:20:52,431 --> 00:20:56,268 I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechwan up here? 188 00:20:56,351 --> 00:20:59,815 I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG in this food. 189 00:21:00,065 --> 00:21:04,945 This is our first meal in this house, so let's try to make it a pleasant one. 190 00:21:06,238 --> 00:21:08,240 Don't bait your mother. 191 00:21:08,490 --> 00:21:12,119 When we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement. 192 00:21:12,494 --> 00:21:14,747 My whole life is a darkroom. 193 00:21:15,497 --> 00:21:17,249 One big dark room. 194 00:21:19,168 --> 00:21:23,923 You were miserable in New York City, and you'll be miserable in the sticks. 195 00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:25,925 At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved. 196 00:21:26,008 --> 00:21:30,638 I'm happy here. Those people in New York don't know what they're missing. 197 00:21:35,059 --> 00:21:37,811 We could become The Summer Art Center of New York. 198 00:21:37,895 --> 00:21:40,773 I could start sculpting again. I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting. 199 00:21:40,856 --> 00:21:44,527 That's a very good idea. That'll be very time-consuming. 200 00:21:45,069 --> 00:21:47,404 First the house. Otho and I have great plans. 201 00:21:47,488 --> 00:21:49,490 We should keep it the way it is. 202 00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:50,950 Good idea. 203 00:21:56,123 --> 00:21:59,502 The furniture truck is coming. We must decide what goes and what stays. 204 00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:02,588 Everything goes, along with whatever's in the attic. 205 00:22:20,231 --> 00:22:21,524 Careful. 206 00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:25,528 Tell me what you do and I'll tell you why my husband will fire you. 207 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,532 - Isn't there an index? - No, nothing. 208 00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:33,244 What's this? 209 00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:42,086 Do you know where that's going? Did anyone tell you where... 210 00:22:42,169 --> 00:22:45,049 Why are there only three sculptures? There were four sculptures. 211 00:22:45,133 --> 00:22:47,302 Where's the fourth sculpture? 212 00:22:47,385 --> 00:22:49,179 What are you doing? 213 00:22:54,559 --> 00:22:57,896 "Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist. Troubled by the living? 214 00:22:57,979 --> 00:23:00,523 "Is death a problem and not the solution? Unhappy with eternity? 215 00:23:00,607 --> 00:23:03,776 "Having difficulty adjusting? Call Betelgeuse." 216 00:23:07,155 --> 00:23:09,365 There's no number or instructions? 217 00:23:09,449 --> 00:23:12,535 Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it. 218 00:23:16,998 --> 00:23:18,541 Straight back. 219 00:23:20,752 --> 00:23:23,755 Why don't you take a break for half an hour? 220 00:23:44,611 --> 00:23:46,112 Put that down! 221 00:23:46,196 --> 00:23:48,073 What the hell are you doing? 222 00:23:48,156 --> 00:23:50,033 - Listen to me! - Jesus! 223 00:23:51,701 --> 00:23:55,121 Why are you doing this to me? This is my art and it is dangerous. 224 00:23:55,205 --> 00:23:57,541 Do you think I want to die like this? 225 00:24:12,055 --> 00:24:13,765 Hi. How are you? 226 00:24:22,732 --> 00:24:24,776 That little girl saw us. 227 00:24:25,277 --> 00:24:27,696 - Nobody can see us. - But she did. 228 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,995 - What happened to the previous owners? - They drowned. 229 00:24:33,078 --> 00:24:35,998 Yes, they were family. I was devastated. 230 00:24:36,123 --> 00:24:38,500 - Here, take that. - Is this the key to the attic? 231 00:24:38,584 --> 00:24:42,671 That's a skeleton key that will open any door. Give that to your father. 232 00:24:43,255 --> 00:24:46,884 You might mention I single-handedly decorated that house. 233 00:24:46,967 --> 00:24:50,762 If he needs any advice in that arena have him come see me. 234 00:25:11,325 --> 00:25:13,410 Don't worry. I locked the door. 235 00:25:31,138 --> 00:25:35,434 Having trouble with the living? Tired of having your home violated? 236 00:25:35,518 --> 00:25:37,436 Want to get rid of them pesky living critters? 237 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,482 Well, come on down and see me, the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist. 238 00:25:41,565 --> 00:25:44,985 Yes, sirree! I want to tell you, I'll do anything! 239 00:25:47,655 --> 00:25:51,742 I'll scare 'em real bad. I'll do anything to get your business. 240 00:25:51,951 --> 00:25:54,703 Hell! I'll possess myself if I gotta! 241 00:25:55,162 --> 00:25:58,082 Yo! I got demons runnin' all through me. 242 00:25:58,707 --> 00:26:00,668 Come on down and see it. 243 00:26:00,751 --> 00:26:03,963 If you act now, you get a free demon possession with every exorcism. 244 00:26:04,046 --> 00:26:06,006 You can't beat that, can you? 245 00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:10,970 Bring the little partners. We've got plenty of snakes for them to play with. 246 00:26:11,554 --> 00:26:15,641 Say it once, say it twice, third time's a charm. And remember... 247 00:26:15,724 --> 00:26:19,146 "I'll eat anything you want me to eat. Swallow anything you want me to swallow. 248 00:26:19,230 --> 00:26:21,858 "So, come on down, I'll chew on the dog." 249 00:26:50,386 --> 00:26:54,724 We need some help. I read something in this book about emergencies. 250 00:26:55,558 --> 00:26:58,811 Here it is. "In case of emergency, draw a door." 251 00:27:03,691 --> 00:27:07,612 "Draw a door"? I don't know why we keep looking in that stupid book. 252 00:27:10,364 --> 00:27:12,994 Maybe we should try that Beetle guy. 253 00:27:28,468 --> 00:27:31,554 You didn't actually think that would work, did you? 254 00:27:34,224 --> 00:27:35,975 "Knock three times." 255 00:28:38,290 --> 00:28:39,583 Birdies! 256 00:28:48,383 --> 00:28:49,634 Get it! 257 00:28:50,468 --> 00:28:51,511 Dad? 258 00:28:51,928 --> 00:28:55,181 - Can't you see I'm relaxing? - I want to tell you what I saw. 259 00:28:55,265 --> 00:28:59,021 What is the point of my coming here if you people won't let me relax? 260 00:28:59,104 --> 00:29:01,023 Pumpkin, sweetheart... 261 00:29:02,149 --> 00:29:04,109 ...go help your mother. 262 00:29:04,193 --> 00:29:07,237 Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't. 263 00:29:12,618 --> 00:29:14,411 Hmm, nice building. 264 00:29:14,536 --> 00:29:16,580 Bad roof. Good parking. 265 00:29:48,487 --> 00:29:50,489 - Adam? - This way, honey. 266 00:30:02,836 --> 00:30:04,838 You don't have an appointment. 267 00:30:04,922 --> 00:30:07,132 - We didn't know how to make one. - Appointment for what? 268 00:30:07,216 --> 00:30:09,218 - What do you want? - Help? 269 00:30:09,301 --> 00:30:13,264 Already? Just bit the big one two months ago and you want help. 270 00:30:13,347 --> 00:30:15,599 What does that have to do with anything? 271 00:30:15,683 --> 00:30:18,811 You'll use up all your help vouchers: D-90s. 272 00:30:19,562 --> 00:30:22,648 You spend 125 years on earth in that house... 273 00:30:23,148 --> 00:30:27,444 ...during which you get only three class-one D-90 intercessions with Juno. 274 00:30:27,528 --> 00:30:30,447 You probably haven't read through the manual completely yet. 275 00:30:30,531 --> 00:30:33,492 You'll have to wait if you don't have an appointment. 276 00:30:33,576 --> 00:30:37,162 - An appointment with whom? - For Juno, your caseworker. 277 00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:43,544 Number 54,000,601. Ferndock! 278 00:31:50,448 --> 00:31:52,951 - Want a cigarette? - No, thank you. 279 00:31:54,244 --> 00:31:56,538 I'm trying to cut down myself. 280 00:32:13,721 --> 00:32:16,599 Adam, is this what happens when you die? 281 00:32:17,559 --> 00:32:19,811 This is what happens when you die. 282 00:32:19,894 --> 00:32:23,147 That is what happens when he dies. And that is what happens when they die. 283 00:32:23,231 --> 00:32:26,276 It's all very personal. I'll tell you something. 284 00:32:26,359 --> 00:32:30,530 If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident. 285 00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:38,123 Maitland. Party of two. 286 00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:40,792 Take the handbook and go to the sixth door. 287 00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:43,044 Oh, we forgot our handbook. 288 00:32:47,382 --> 00:32:48,383 Come on. 289 00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:57,767 All new arrivals, report to waiting room number eight. 290 00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:02,981 Flight 409 is arriving at gate three. 291 00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:06,651 How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side. 292 00:33:06,735 --> 00:33:08,612 - You look fine. - Fine. 293 00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:11,698 Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat. 294 00:33:16,369 --> 00:33:19,372 Will the Peterson party report to door number nine. 295 00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:23,835 Peterson party, please report to door number nine. 296 00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:28,508 All new arrivals, report to waiting room number eight. 297 00:33:35,140 --> 00:33:37,643 125 years. I can't believe this. 298 00:33:38,352 --> 00:33:40,604 I can't believe they didn't tell us. 299 00:33:43,482 --> 00:33:45,484 Oh, Adam, what is this? 300 00:33:49,821 --> 00:33:52,074 That's the Lost Souls' Room. 301 00:33:52,741 --> 00:33:55,536 A room for ghosts that have been exorcised. 302 00:33:56,662 --> 00:33:58,121 Poor devils. 303 00:33:58,330 --> 00:34:00,457 That's death for the dead. 304 00:34:01,667 --> 00:34:03,752 It's all in the handbook. 305 00:34:03,961 --> 00:34:05,420 Keep moving. 306 00:34:10,217 --> 00:34:11,385 Five. 307 00:34:12,970 --> 00:34:14,972 This is the sixth door. 308 00:34:21,855 --> 00:34:24,984 Boy, this place just gets weirder and weirder. 309 00:34:36,078 --> 00:34:37,496 We're home! 310 00:34:38,455 --> 00:34:41,542 Look at this place! Everything's different. 311 00:34:43,419 --> 00:34:45,504 All our furniture's gone. 312 00:34:46,171 --> 00:34:48,799 How long do you suppose we were waiting there? 313 00:34:48,883 --> 00:34:50,384 Three months. 314 00:34:51,552 --> 00:34:54,555 I'd almost given up on you. I was about to leave. 315 00:34:54,638 --> 00:34:56,682 I do have other clients. 316 00:34:57,224 --> 00:34:59,810 - Are you Juno, our caseworker? - Yes. 317 00:34:59,894 --> 00:35:02,980 I evaluate individual cases and determine... 318 00:35:03,230 --> 00:35:06,358 ...if help is needed, deserved and available. 319 00:35:06,567 --> 00:35:07,526 Are you available? 320 00:35:07,610 --> 00:35:08,652 No. 321 00:35:09,862 --> 00:35:12,408 - What's wrong? - We're very unhappy. 322 00:35:13,117 --> 00:35:15,536 What did you expect? You're dead! 323 00:35:15,620 --> 00:35:19,874 We want to get rid of the people here. We worked hard on this house. 324 00:35:19,957 --> 00:35:22,960 We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were... 325 00:35:23,044 --> 00:35:25,421 - More like you used to be. - Yes. 326 00:35:25,588 --> 00:35:27,215 But these people! 327 00:35:29,258 --> 00:35:31,260 Things seem quiet here. 328 00:35:32,386 --> 00:35:35,473 You should thank God you didn't die in Italy. 329 00:35:35,932 --> 00:35:37,350 The Deetzes. 330 00:35:37,516 --> 00:35:40,645 - Have you been studying the manual? - We tried. 331 00:35:41,604 --> 00:35:45,441 The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all. 332 00:35:45,608 --> 00:35:48,569 Get them out yourselves! It's your house. 333 00:35:49,737 --> 00:35:52,490 Haunted houses aren't easy to come by. 334 00:35:52,573 --> 00:35:54,992 - We don't quite get it. - I heard. 335 00:35:55,076 --> 00:35:56,911 Tore your faces off. 336 00:35:57,078 --> 00:36:01,207 It's useless to pull off your heads in front of people who can't see you. 337 00:36:01,290 --> 00:36:03,709 - We should start simply? - Start simply. 338 00:36:03,793 --> 00:36:06,714 Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice. 339 00:36:08,508 --> 00:36:12,303 You should have been studying those lessons since day one. 340 00:36:14,430 --> 00:36:16,015 I've got to go. 341 00:36:16,140 --> 00:36:18,643 What about that guy in the flyer, Betel... 342 00:36:19,936 --> 00:36:23,231 Don't even say his name. You don't want his help. 343 00:36:24,357 --> 00:36:25,275 We might. 344 00:36:25,358 --> 00:36:28,653 No, you don't. He does not work well with others. 345 00:36:30,196 --> 00:36:31,906 What do you mean? 346 00:36:36,077 --> 00:36:38,037 I didn't want to bring it up. 347 00:36:38,121 --> 00:36:42,083 But rather than have you make another mistake, I'll tell you. 348 00:36:43,293 --> 00:36:45,128 He was my assistant. 349 00:36:45,545 --> 00:36:48,715 But he was a troublemaker. He went out on his own... 350 00:36:48,798 --> 00:36:51,175 ...as a freelance bio-exorcist. 351 00:36:52,176 --> 00:36:56,139 Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. 352 00:37:00,103 --> 00:37:03,857 I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. 353 00:37:05,817 --> 00:37:08,570 The only way he can be brought back... 354 00:37:08,737 --> 00:37:11,489 ...is by calling his name three times. 355 00:37:12,490 --> 00:37:14,576 But I strongly suggest... 356 00:37:14,993 --> 00:37:17,829 ...that you remove the Deetzes yourselves. 357 00:37:18,538 --> 00:37:19,915 How do we contact you... 358 00:37:19,998 --> 00:37:22,042 ...if we need you again? 359 00:37:31,843 --> 00:37:34,554 Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery. 360 00:37:35,263 --> 00:37:38,892 She's right. We just keep this simple. We can do this. 361 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,795 Hey, you, come here! 362 00:38:05,587 --> 00:38:06,838 Hungry? 363 00:38:07,589 --> 00:38:09,675 Come on. Hey, come here. 364 00:38:10,926 --> 00:38:13,887 I got something good for you. Come on over. 365 00:38:13,971 --> 00:38:16,848 We'll have a little bite, something to nosh. 366 00:38:18,308 --> 00:38:20,143 - Come here! - Help me! 367 00:38:24,940 --> 00:38:29,236 Maxie, haven't I always made you money? That's the only real question. 368 00:38:29,319 --> 00:38:33,824 Nobody made me money like you. You were a demon until your nerves went. 369 00:38:34,241 --> 00:38:35,951 It's just that... 370 00:38:36,577 --> 00:38:39,913 ...Winter River, Connecticut is, if you'll forgive me, nowhere. 371 00:38:39,997 --> 00:38:43,166 Why would I want to invest that kind of money in an old building... 372 00:38:43,250 --> 00:38:46,922 ...way the hell up there! - It's not a building. That's the beauty. 373 00:38:47,006 --> 00:38:50,968 The people don't know the value of their property. I can buy the whole town. 374 00:38:51,051 --> 00:38:53,929 Then we own a whole town in the middle of nowhere. 375 00:38:54,388 --> 00:38:55,890 Come and see. 376 00:38:56,015 --> 00:38:57,683 And bring Sarah. 377 00:38:58,434 --> 00:39:02,104 All right, Charles. It's just that I am kind of busy here. 378 00:39:02,187 --> 00:39:03,731 Just a minute. 379 00:39:04,899 --> 00:39:08,152 Listen. Enough of this talk about visiting, okay? I gotta go. 380 00:39:08,235 --> 00:39:10,821 You take it easy up there, big fellow. 381 00:39:10,905 --> 00:39:13,073 - Good-bye. - Max, wait, wait. 382 00:39:18,037 --> 00:39:18,954 Putz. 383 00:39:39,602 --> 00:39:43,689 Lydia, is Connecticut so boring? I had Maxie Dean on the phone. 384 00:39:43,981 --> 00:39:47,818 Dad's found a way of making money while I relax, so would you scram? 385 00:39:49,779 --> 00:39:53,824 Your mother will kill you when she sees you cut holes in her $300 sheets. 386 00:39:56,744 --> 00:40:00,248 This is so corny. Is this what we've been reduced to? Sheets? 387 00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:02,250 Think of them as death shrouds. 388 00:40:02,333 --> 00:40:04,877 And the moaning is important. Really moan! 389 00:40:23,229 --> 00:40:25,731 God, how can he stand that woman? 390 00:40:32,321 --> 00:40:35,285 Cut it out! I'm a child, for God's sakes. 391 00:40:43,835 --> 00:40:47,255 - I feel so stupid. - It's not stupid. We're ghosts! 392 00:40:47,839 --> 00:40:51,050 Do you want to spend the next 125 years having breakfast with this woman? 393 00:40:51,134 --> 00:40:52,594 Moan louder. 394 00:41:00,977 --> 00:41:02,270 Oh, God! 395 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,405 Sick. Sexual perversion. 396 00:41:12,655 --> 00:41:15,825 Do that weird sexual stuff in your own bedroom. 397 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:23,499 Ah, no feet. 398 00:41:35,764 --> 00:41:38,475 Are you the guys hiding in the attic? 399 00:41:38,558 --> 00:41:40,060 We're ghosts! 400 00:41:41,561 --> 00:41:44,356 - What do you look like under there? - Aren't you scared? 401 00:41:44,439 --> 00:41:47,734 I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? 402 00:41:47,817 --> 00:41:50,445 Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? 403 00:41:50,528 --> 00:41:52,864 Like all bloody veins and pus? 404 00:41:52,948 --> 00:41:56,117 - "Night of the," what? - "Living Dead." It's a movie. 405 00:41:56,201 --> 00:41:59,329 If I had seen a ghost at your age, I would have been scared out of my wits. 406 00:41:59,412 --> 00:42:02,499 You're not gross. Why are you wearing sheets? 407 00:42:03,250 --> 00:42:04,876 We're practicing. 408 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,713 - You can see us without the sheets? - Of course I can see you. 409 00:42:08,797 --> 00:42:11,216 How can you see us and nobody else can? 410 00:42:12,551 --> 00:42:16,137 I read through that Handbook for the Recently Deceased. 411 00:42:16,221 --> 00:42:19,810 It says, "Live people ignore the strange and unusual." 412 00:42:21,687 --> 00:42:24,106 I myself am strange and unusual. 413 00:42:25,983 --> 00:42:27,651 You look normal. 414 00:42:29,111 --> 00:42:31,154 - You read our book? - Yes. 415 00:42:31,405 --> 00:42:34,449 - You could follow it? - Yes. Why were you in Delia's bedroom? 416 00:42:34,533 --> 00:42:37,077 - Trying to scare your mother. - Stepmother. 417 00:42:37,244 --> 00:42:40,872 You can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium. 418 00:42:44,167 --> 00:42:45,586 You did this? 419 00:42:45,669 --> 00:42:48,255 You carved these houses and things? 420 00:42:49,715 --> 00:42:52,092 And this used to be your house. 421 00:42:52,551 --> 00:42:54,761 Why do you want to scare everybody? 422 00:42:54,845 --> 00:42:57,764 We wanted to frighten you so you would move out. 423 00:42:59,641 --> 00:43:01,685 You don't know the Deetzes. 424 00:43:01,768 --> 00:43:05,731 My father bought this place. He never walks away from equity. 425 00:43:05,856 --> 00:43:09,610 - Why don't you leave? - We haven't left since the funeral. 426 00:43:10,903 --> 00:43:12,195 Funeral! 427 00:43:12,738 --> 00:43:15,117 God! You guys really are dead. 428 00:43:17,953 --> 00:43:19,622 This is amazing. 429 00:43:21,540 --> 00:43:23,083 - I better go. - Wait. 430 00:43:23,167 --> 00:43:27,755 - Don't tell your parents we're here. - Unless it will frighten them away. 431 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,132 Tell them we are horrible... 432 00:43:30,341 --> 00:43:32,635 ...desperate, ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing... 433 00:43:32,718 --> 00:43:34,803 ...to get our house back. 434 00:43:37,097 --> 00:43:41,352 What if this is a dream? Can you do any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming? 435 00:43:45,981 --> 00:43:50,319 If you are real ghosts, you better get another routine because those sheets... 436 00:43:50,402 --> 00:43:52,196 ...they don't work. 437 00:44:01,747 --> 00:44:02,998 Ghosts. 438 00:44:03,082 --> 00:44:05,626 You're telling me we have ghosts in this house. 439 00:44:05,709 --> 00:44:08,005 Those pictures are of ghosts. 440 00:44:08,339 --> 00:44:09,590 Ghosts! 441 00:44:10,216 --> 00:44:13,970 Lydia, I am giving a dinner party tonight for seven people. 442 00:44:14,053 --> 00:44:17,598 My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman who writes for Art in America. 443 00:44:17,682 --> 00:44:21,477 In fact, no one dining here has not been in Vanity Fair except you. 444 00:44:22,103 --> 00:44:24,105 I told them you were too mean to be afraid. 445 00:44:24,188 --> 00:44:26,232 Don't you dare speak to others about me! 446 00:44:26,315 --> 00:44:30,403 Being embarrassed in front of the few people who will set foot in here scares me. 447 00:44:30,486 --> 00:44:32,863 So let's play family just for tonight. 448 00:44:38,661 --> 00:44:40,830 Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her. 449 00:44:40,913 --> 00:44:42,623 She's got photos. 450 00:44:43,332 --> 00:44:45,876 Adam, you have a photo of Bigfoot. 451 00:44:46,544 --> 00:44:49,463 My photo of Bigfoot is a different story. 452 00:44:49,797 --> 00:44:54,343 We've got to get some help. We've got to contact Betelmeyer or something. 453 00:45:08,067 --> 00:45:09,235 Look. 454 00:45:13,531 --> 00:45:15,408 It's him. Betelgeuse. 455 00:45:17,535 --> 00:45:18,703 Betelgeuse. 456 00:45:20,705 --> 00:45:22,707 Go ahead, Barbara, say it. 457 00:45:23,833 --> 00:45:25,251 Betelgeuse! 458 00:45:29,380 --> 00:45:30,924 What happened? 459 00:45:32,050 --> 00:45:34,219 I think we're in the model. 460 00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,182 Look at that. 461 00:46:02,374 --> 00:46:04,292 Where is he? What do we do? 462 00:46:08,505 --> 00:46:10,257 Looks like we dig. 463 00:46:40,787 --> 00:46:42,455 It's about time! 464 00:46:50,924 --> 00:46:54,177 - I say we open it. - Maybe we should knock first. 465 00:47:12,112 --> 00:47:13,572 Adam. Babs. 466 00:47:21,580 --> 00:47:25,876 You can pick 'em! Is this a solid relationship? Do I have a shot? 467 00:47:26,084 --> 00:47:29,087 - Excuse me. - Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds? 468 00:47:29,171 --> 00:47:33,634 It's beautiful! You picked me. You didn't have to, but you picked me. 469 00:47:33,884 --> 00:47:36,803 It makes me want to kiss you guys! Come on, give me one. 470 00:47:36,887 --> 00:47:38,639 I beg your pardon! 471 00:47:38,972 --> 00:47:40,893 Let's get down to business. 472 00:47:40,976 --> 00:47:43,729 I've got a card here somewhere. Here. Who do I have to kill? 473 00:47:43,812 --> 00:47:45,856 - Hold that for me. - Whoa! 474 00:47:47,107 --> 00:47:49,485 - There you go. - You don't have to kill anybody! 475 00:47:49,568 --> 00:47:54,323 Possession! Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends. Fun at parties. 476 00:47:54,406 --> 00:47:57,826 No. We just want to get some people out of our house. 477 00:47:57,910 --> 00:48:02,081 I understand. In order to do that, I'll have to get to know you. 478 00:48:02,373 --> 00:48:05,000 We've got to get closer. Move in with you for a while. 479 00:48:05,084 --> 00:48:08,212 Get to be real pals. You know what I'm saying? 480 00:48:08,379 --> 00:48:10,297 Save that guy for later. 481 00:48:10,381 --> 00:48:12,675 My wife and I have some questions. 482 00:48:12,758 --> 00:48:14,760 Sure, go ahead. Shoot. 483 00:48:15,052 --> 00:48:17,096 What are your qualifications? 484 00:48:17,179 --> 00:48:21,100 Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of Harvard Business School. 485 00:48:21,183 --> 00:48:24,728 I travel extensively. I lived through the Black Plague. 486 00:48:24,812 --> 00:48:27,690 I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times... 487 00:48:27,773 --> 00:48:31,235 ...and it keeps getting funnier every time I see it! 488 00:48:31,610 --> 00:48:34,240 Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! 489 00:48:34,323 --> 00:48:37,493 Now what do you think? You think I'm qualified? 490 00:48:38,578 --> 00:48:40,288 Can you be scary? 491 00:48:40,580 --> 00:48:43,916 Oh! I know what you're asking me. Can I be scary? 492 00:48:45,876 --> 00:48:48,004 What do you think of this? 493 00:48:48,421 --> 00:48:49,880 You like it? 494 00:48:50,965 --> 00:48:54,468 - Will you excuse us, please? - Sure. Talk amongst yourselves. 495 00:48:54,552 --> 00:48:57,722 - Let's go. - I know, but he can be useful later. 496 00:48:57,930 --> 00:49:00,933 - We can work something ourselves. - Oh, yeah! 497 00:49:01,976 --> 00:49:03,686 - Excuse me! - What? 498 00:49:03,811 --> 00:49:05,605 We are leaving now. 499 00:49:05,813 --> 00:49:07,315 Don't go yet. 500 00:49:07,982 --> 00:49:12,153 Come on, we're simpatico. Look at us. We shop at the same store. 501 00:49:12,987 --> 00:49:14,488 Hey, hermano. 502 00:49:14,989 --> 00:49:16,782 Yeah, there you go. 503 00:49:18,576 --> 00:49:20,661 We're like peas in a pod. 504 00:49:20,995 --> 00:49:25,249 You want someone out of the house. I want to get someone out of your house. 505 00:49:25,333 --> 00:49:28,671 Look! You've been to Saturn. I've been to Saturn! 506 00:49:29,005 --> 00:49:30,715 Whoa. Sandworms. 507 00:49:31,549 --> 00:49:34,427 You hate 'em, right? I hate 'em myself. 508 00:49:34,844 --> 00:49:38,514 Kids, what do I have to do to strike a deal with you two? 509 00:49:46,022 --> 00:49:48,942 - Don't you hate it when that happens? - Let's go, Barbara! 510 00:49:49,025 --> 00:49:52,320 Come up for a while. We'll talk inside. Come on. 511 00:49:52,487 --> 00:49:54,739 - I'm not staying. - The place is a mess. 512 00:49:54,822 --> 00:49:56,991 We have to get out of here. 513 00:49:57,492 --> 00:49:58,993 Home! Home! Home! 514 00:50:00,787 --> 00:50:02,205 How did you do that? 515 00:50:02,288 --> 00:50:04,207 Hope you like Italian. 516 00:50:04,582 --> 00:50:07,293 Where'd you go? Hey, where'd you go? 517 00:50:07,460 --> 00:50:09,963 Hey! You've got to work with me here. 518 00:50:10,046 --> 00:50:12,590 I'm just trying to cut a deal. What do you want me to do? 519 00:50:12,674 --> 00:50:14,217 Where are you? 520 00:50:14,509 --> 00:50:16,344 You bunch of losers! 521 00:50:17,095 --> 00:50:19,973 You're working with a professional here! 522 00:50:24,229 --> 00:50:26,022 Nice fucking model! 523 00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:28,942 We can do this stuff on our own. 524 00:50:29,192 --> 00:50:32,404 Besides, I'm not exposing that little girl to that pervert. 525 00:50:32,487 --> 00:50:35,490 We did call him, and he seemed awfully pissed off. 526 00:50:35,574 --> 00:50:40,453 I don't care. I've changed my mind. We can scare them off ourselves... tonight. 527 00:50:40,954 --> 00:50:42,539 I have an idea. 528 00:50:49,129 --> 00:50:52,048 What you did with the place is wonderful. 529 00:50:52,132 --> 00:50:53,675 Not me. Them. 530 00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:56,303 So? 531 00:51:01,308 --> 00:51:02,851 You like them. 532 00:51:03,393 --> 00:51:07,355 I hope it wasn't yet another of your dreary suicide attempts. 533 00:51:07,689 --> 00:51:10,483 You know what they say about people who commit suicide? 534 00:51:10,567 --> 00:51:13,530 In the afterlife, they become civil servants. 535 00:51:15,824 --> 00:51:18,785 Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural. 536 00:51:18,869 --> 00:51:20,954 Of course! You remember. 537 00:51:21,079 --> 00:51:23,749 After my stint with the Living Theater... 538 00:51:23,832 --> 00:51:27,419 ...I was one of New York's leading paranormal researchers... 539 00:51:27,502 --> 00:51:29,421 ...until the bottom dropped out in '72. 540 00:51:29,504 --> 00:51:33,091 Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days? 541 00:51:33,508 --> 00:51:38,013 Don't mind her. She's still upset that somebody dropped a house on her sister. 542 00:51:41,224 --> 00:51:43,518 Well, this looks really good. 543 00:51:45,187 --> 00:51:46,939 I saw some ghosts. 544 00:51:53,195 --> 00:51:56,782 - It's a private joke Lydia and I share. - It's not a joke. 545 00:51:56,865 --> 00:52:01,203 Yes, it is. Just today she tried to convince me this house is haunted. 546 00:52:03,205 --> 00:52:05,499 Kids! You know, I love them! 547 00:52:07,378 --> 00:52:10,089 - Ghosts? - In designer sheets, no less. 548 00:52:11,131 --> 00:52:14,510 I'd like to propose a toast to our intrepid friends... 549 00:52:14,593 --> 00:52:17,680 ...who braved the expressway and two dozen tollbooths to be with us. 550 00:52:17,763 --> 00:52:19,807 May your buildings go condo. 551 00:52:21,475 --> 00:52:24,019 Lydia, favor us about your ghosts. 552 00:52:24,436 --> 00:52:26,814 No! I am sick of that subject. 553 00:52:27,064 --> 00:52:28,816 Delia, lighten up. 554 00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,569 I would rather talk about... 555 00:52:46,959 --> 00:52:48,502 That's cute, Delia. 556 00:53:00,808 --> 00:53:02,893 Otho, are you doing this? 557 00:54:30,567 --> 00:54:31,943 We did it! 558 00:54:33,570 --> 00:54:35,363 Let's watch them scatter. 559 00:54:35,446 --> 00:54:39,117 Any minute now they'll come running out of that door screaming. 560 00:54:42,370 --> 00:54:43,871 Any minute now. 561 00:54:51,089 --> 00:54:52,674 It's me, Lydia. 562 00:54:56,052 --> 00:54:57,971 They want you to come downstairs. 563 00:54:58,054 --> 00:55:01,057 Delia says you can wear any sheets you want. 564 00:55:02,058 --> 00:55:04,853 It was like being in an amusement park. 565 00:55:05,228 --> 00:55:06,146 Wham! 566 00:55:06,354 --> 00:55:10,066 - I didn't know I could do the calypso. - Who has more fun than us? 567 00:55:10,150 --> 00:55:12,861 We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn. 568 00:55:13,194 --> 00:55:16,781 A very sophisticated pair. They even appear in sheets. 569 00:55:18,241 --> 00:55:21,453 Charles, why didn't you tell us about this before? 570 00:55:22,954 --> 00:55:27,667 We're not sure we want our secret out. Everyone will want them for parties. 571 00:55:27,751 --> 00:55:29,502 People will pay big money for this. 572 00:55:29,586 --> 00:55:33,590 The Enquirer is offering $50,000 for proof of life after death. 573 00:55:35,425 --> 00:55:38,428 This is it, Charles. You can get Maxie Dean up here now. 574 00:55:38,511 --> 00:55:41,600 - You think so? - Sarah loves the supernatural. 575 00:55:42,517 --> 00:55:44,728 She'll have him sprint up here in his helicopter... 576 00:55:44,811 --> 00:55:47,481 ...if you can produce ghosts for her. 577 00:55:50,984 --> 00:55:53,946 I should remind you that I'm Delia's agent. 578 00:55:54,029 --> 00:55:56,365 I have lost money on her work for years. 579 00:55:56,448 --> 00:55:59,034 If anything happened here, I shall handle it. 580 00:55:59,117 --> 00:56:01,453 But not until I've seen real proof. 581 00:56:01,536 --> 00:56:05,499 - What about this table? - What do you call what just happened? 582 00:56:05,791 --> 00:56:08,293 What money? Don't you believe in my work? 583 00:56:09,211 --> 00:56:10,712 Here's Lydia. 584 00:56:11,338 --> 00:56:13,966 - Well? - They don't want to come down. 585 00:56:21,765 --> 00:56:23,058 Why not? 586 00:56:24,810 --> 00:56:28,939 I think they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared. 587 00:56:29,022 --> 00:56:32,276 They're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic. 588 00:56:36,282 --> 00:56:37,658 All right. 589 00:56:43,414 --> 00:56:46,417 This was not a hallucination. This was real. 590 00:56:47,751 --> 00:56:52,464 We all experienced a super-powerful paranormal experience and it was real. 591 00:56:53,173 --> 00:56:56,677 Delia, you are a flake. You have always been a flake. 592 00:56:57,511 --> 00:57:01,599 If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculpture. 593 00:57:02,766 --> 00:57:04,435 Drive carefully! 594 00:57:04,518 --> 00:57:06,437 - I'm dead. - Where do they hide? 595 00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:08,897 - The attic. - The attic's locked. 596 00:57:09,732 --> 00:57:12,318 They're ghosts. They can do what they want. 597 00:57:12,401 --> 00:57:15,571 They do whatever they want. Take us up there right now. 598 00:57:21,994 --> 00:57:25,164 Fabulous! Otho Fenlock's "Locked Door Ghosts!" 599 00:57:25,414 --> 00:57:26,999 Probably committed suicide up there. 600 00:57:27,082 --> 00:57:29,170 - I'm enchanted. - In there? 601 00:57:29,420 --> 00:57:32,340 - They must live like animals. - It's locked. How did they get in? 602 00:57:32,423 --> 00:57:35,509 Open this door, Dead People, or we'll bust it down... 603 00:57:35,593 --> 00:57:38,095 ...and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourself with! 604 00:57:38,179 --> 00:57:40,598 - They didn't commit suicide. - It doesn't matter. 605 00:57:40,681 --> 00:57:44,310 I can teach you something here. Take the upper hand in all situations... 606 00:57:44,393 --> 00:57:47,271 ...or people, dead or alive, will walk all over you. 607 00:57:47,355 --> 00:57:48,648 Open up! 608 00:58:00,993 --> 00:58:02,578 Where are they? 609 00:58:02,745 --> 00:58:05,039 These ghosts are nice people. 610 00:58:05,414 --> 00:58:09,085 I think we scared them away, so let's leave them alone, all right? 611 00:58:09,168 --> 00:58:11,254 It's the whole damn town. 612 00:58:12,505 --> 00:58:15,007 I have never been so embarrassed. 613 00:58:15,925 --> 00:58:17,843 Have they gone for good? 614 00:58:24,143 --> 00:58:25,561 Dad, don't. 615 00:58:25,895 --> 00:58:27,689 Mom, let's just go. 616 00:58:40,410 --> 00:58:41,995 No ghosts here. 617 00:58:44,789 --> 00:58:48,376 Come on! If they are in here, I don't want to scare them away. 618 00:58:50,253 --> 00:58:53,506 We're leaving now. You can go about your business. 619 00:58:55,675 --> 00:58:58,511 - What are we doing? - Quick, quick, quick. 620 00:59:05,768 --> 00:59:08,896 Oh, boy! You guys are really spooksters, aren't you? 621 00:59:09,897 --> 00:59:13,526 Now, let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose. 622 00:59:16,156 --> 00:59:19,951 Otho, get Maxie on the phone. We've really got something here. 623 00:59:20,035 --> 00:59:24,080 We can turn this place into the world's leading supernatural research center. 624 00:59:24,164 --> 00:59:27,292 An amusement park. I'll do a presentation. Lydia will bring the ghosts. 625 00:59:27,375 --> 00:59:30,378 I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here. 626 00:59:30,462 --> 00:59:34,174 - Otho, can't you do something? - If I'm properly motivated. 627 00:59:36,843 --> 00:59:39,596 What type of motivation do you require? 628 00:59:39,679 --> 00:59:43,558 Why don't you leave them alone? They didn't do anything to you. 629 01:00:31,024 --> 01:00:33,652 We've come for your daughter, Chuck. 630 01:00:34,653 --> 01:00:36,029 Stop! Stop! 631 01:00:47,874 --> 01:00:50,586 - Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse! - Oh, no! 632 01:00:52,629 --> 01:00:54,631 Why are you doing this? 633 01:00:56,300 --> 01:00:58,468 Leave me alone, all of you! 634 01:01:02,057 --> 01:01:06,979 Great choice! We spend the next century hanging out a window or doing tricks. 635 01:01:07,563 --> 01:01:10,274 Maybe they'll leave now. That snake was a nasty customer. 636 01:01:10,357 --> 01:01:12,484 - He could've hurt somebody. - But he didn't. 637 01:01:12,568 --> 01:01:15,029 We've got them where we want them. 638 01:01:19,116 --> 01:01:23,078 You losers! How dare you interrupt a professional while he's working! 639 01:01:23,162 --> 01:01:25,873 I'm not fond of Charles, but you could've killed him. 640 01:01:25,956 --> 01:01:29,126 I'm just doing my job! I thought we had a deal. 641 01:01:29,251 --> 01:01:31,337 It's okay. You know why? 642 01:01:31,795 --> 01:01:35,966 I don't want to do business with you deadbeats anyway, thank you. 643 01:01:36,383 --> 01:01:40,220 The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter. 644 01:01:40,304 --> 01:01:42,681 - She understands me. - Leave her alone! 645 01:01:55,154 --> 01:01:57,448 Go ahead, make my millennium. 646 01:02:04,997 --> 01:02:08,584 I'm feeling a little anxious, if you know what I mean. 647 01:02:09,043 --> 01:02:11,170 It's been about 600 years. 648 01:02:11,587 --> 01:02:14,674 I wonder where an everyday Joe like myself... 649 01:02:15,424 --> 01:02:17,510 ...can find a little action. 650 01:02:34,527 --> 01:02:36,612 Yeah. Here I come, baby. 651 01:02:40,992 --> 01:02:42,743 Hey, Adam, nice move! 652 01:02:44,412 --> 01:02:46,956 - Why did you build that? - I didn't. 653 01:02:57,093 --> 01:02:59,429 Will you guys shut up and leave me alone? 654 01:02:59,512 --> 01:03:01,848 I've got all this paperwork to do. 655 01:03:04,142 --> 01:03:06,185 You two, come in. Sit down. 656 01:03:06,269 --> 01:03:08,354 Get in here, both of you! 657 01:03:11,983 --> 01:03:16,154 The whorehouse was my idea. I want Betelgeuse out of the picture. 658 01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,449 You two have really screwed up. 659 01:03:19,949 --> 01:03:22,952 I heard you allowed yourselves to be photographed. 660 01:03:23,036 --> 01:03:25,788 You let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back. 661 01:03:25,872 --> 01:03:28,249 And you let Otho take the handbook! 662 01:03:28,333 --> 01:03:29,500 When? 663 01:03:30,793 --> 01:03:32,795 Never trust the living! 664 01:03:33,379 --> 01:03:36,049 We cannot have a routine haunting like yours... 665 01:03:36,132 --> 01:03:39,719 ...provide proof that there is existence beyond death. 666 01:03:40,553 --> 01:03:42,891 Coach, where's the men's room? 667 01:03:44,100 --> 01:03:46,603 I'm not your coach. He survived. 668 01:03:46,770 --> 01:03:48,855 Let me get something straight. 669 01:03:48,939 --> 01:03:51,566 - What's our curfew? - Get out of here! 670 01:03:52,567 --> 01:03:55,153 Go on, get downstairs! Men's room! 671 01:03:55,737 --> 01:03:58,323 Are you kidding? Can't you read signs? 672 01:03:58,406 --> 01:04:00,200 I'll be right back. 673 01:04:12,462 --> 01:04:14,589 Maybe this was a bad idea. 674 01:04:14,965 --> 01:04:16,883 I didn't say anything. 675 01:04:18,843 --> 01:04:21,763 Who are we kidding? You've never had a bad idea. 676 01:04:21,846 --> 01:04:23,014 Yeah? 677 01:04:25,767 --> 01:04:27,811 This could all work out. 678 01:04:29,479 --> 01:04:30,522 Home. 679 01:04:34,025 --> 01:04:36,655 I'm not sure this is the right environment for Lydia. 680 01:04:36,738 --> 01:04:38,824 - Snakes. Ghosts. - Shrimp. 681 01:04:40,409 --> 01:04:42,119 You family types. 682 01:04:42,411 --> 01:04:46,206 You've got other things to worry about. Maxie Dean is coming tonight. 683 01:04:46,290 --> 01:04:49,793 You have to sell these ghosts. I can only do so much. 684 01:04:50,210 --> 01:04:53,463 What are you going to do? Viciously rearrange their environment? 685 01:04:53,547 --> 01:04:57,718 I know as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design. 686 01:05:05,601 --> 01:05:06,893 "I am... 687 01:05:07,311 --> 01:05:08,437 "...alone. 688 01:05:18,989 --> 01:05:20,240 "I am... 689 01:05:21,158 --> 01:05:22,701 "...utterly... 690 01:05:22,951 --> 01:05:24,077 "...alone. 691 01:05:25,621 --> 01:05:27,205 "By the time... 692 01:05:29,001 --> 01:05:30,544 "...you read this... 693 01:05:31,253 --> 01:05:32,755 "...I will... 694 01:05:33,172 --> 01:05:34,423 "...be gone... 695 01:05:36,008 --> 01:05:37,760 "...having jumped... 696 01:05:40,054 --> 01:05:41,889 "Having plummeted... 697 01:05:43,807 --> 01:05:44,934 "...off... 698 01:05:45,726 --> 01:05:47,895 "...the Winter River Bridge." 699 01:05:50,981 --> 01:05:53,150 I don't care what it takes. 700 01:05:53,233 --> 01:05:55,861 You get the Deetzes out of there now! 701 01:05:57,196 --> 01:05:58,739 Wait a minute. 702 01:06:00,824 --> 01:06:02,576 What are you going to do? 703 01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:04,703 To scare them. 704 01:06:05,162 --> 01:06:08,248 I want to make sure it's not some silly parlor trick. 705 01:06:08,874 --> 01:06:10,417 I'll go first. 706 01:06:32,650 --> 01:06:34,402 Not bad. Not bad. 707 01:06:35,820 --> 01:06:36,862 Now you. 708 01:06:37,405 --> 01:06:38,739 Go ahead! 709 01:06:53,671 --> 01:06:55,256 You look great. 710 01:06:55,923 --> 01:07:00,094 Go clean house and don't forget the photographs and the handbook. 711 01:07:08,936 --> 01:07:10,438 - Coach? - What? 712 01:07:11,981 --> 01:07:14,317 I don't think we survived that crash. 713 01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:16,070 How did you guess? 714 01:07:19,699 --> 01:07:21,618 Mr. And Mrs. Maitland? 715 01:07:26,372 --> 01:07:27,582 Hello? 716 01:07:28,750 --> 01:07:30,543 - Where are you? - Dead. 717 01:07:32,086 --> 01:07:33,921 Dead, dead, deadski. 718 01:07:35,590 --> 01:07:37,467 Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. 719 01:07:37,550 --> 01:07:41,554 No, I mean they're gone. Split. Out of here. Afterlife kids. 720 01:07:42,096 --> 01:07:44,515 - Deceased. - Are you a ghost, too? 721 01:07:46,559 --> 01:07:49,103 I'm the ghost with the most, babe. 722 01:07:51,439 --> 01:07:54,233 You look like somebody I can relate to. 723 01:07:55,985 --> 01:07:58,863 Maybe you could help me get out of here. 724 01:07:59,322 --> 01:08:01,950 I gotta tell you, this death thing... 725 01:08:05,119 --> 01:08:06,537 It's creepy. 726 01:08:06,621 --> 01:08:08,375 Here's my problem. 727 01:08:08,792 --> 01:08:12,045 I've got friends on the outside I said I'd meet. 728 01:08:12,462 --> 01:08:14,714 I have to be there in person. 729 01:08:14,798 --> 01:08:17,133 So could you help me get out of here? 730 01:08:18,260 --> 01:08:19,970 I want to get in. 731 01:08:20,971 --> 01:08:22,013 Why? 732 01:08:23,765 --> 01:08:27,560 You've probably got your reasons, but I can't do anything from here. 733 01:08:27,644 --> 01:08:31,398 If you could get me out, over there, maybe we could talk. 734 01:08:32,565 --> 01:08:36,069 But to do that you've got to say my name three times. 735 01:08:36,152 --> 01:08:37,862 What's your name? 736 01:08:38,405 --> 01:08:40,115 I can't tell you. 737 01:08:40,657 --> 01:08:41,700 Why not? 738 01:08:42,242 --> 01:08:46,288 If I tell you, you'll tell your friends, they'll call me all the time. 739 01:08:46,371 --> 01:08:50,458 I've got to go to shopping centers for openings, sign autographs, that shit. 740 01:08:50,542 --> 01:08:53,628 It makes my life hell, okay? A living hell. 741 01:08:54,129 --> 01:08:58,049 But maybe if you have a pen... I know! Do you play charades? 742 01:08:58,675 --> 01:09:00,135 - Yeah. - Good. 743 01:09:00,677 --> 01:09:02,472 Here we go. Ready? 744 01:09:02,681 --> 01:09:04,057 Two words. 745 01:09:04,725 --> 01:09:05,934 Right! 746 01:09:07,477 --> 01:09:09,605 First word, two syllables. 747 01:09:10,314 --> 01:09:11,481 Look. 748 01:09:12,524 --> 01:09:13,984 Turn around. 749 01:09:15,694 --> 01:09:17,613 I don't know what your signal means. 750 01:09:17,696 --> 01:09:19,364 Look behind you! 751 01:09:20,073 --> 01:09:21,783 Hi. How are you? 752 01:09:22,242 --> 01:09:23,493 Beetle. 753 01:09:23,744 --> 01:09:25,495 Got it. Now, two. 754 01:09:28,707 --> 01:09:31,293 Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle? 755 01:09:31,418 --> 01:09:32,919 Beetle fruit? 756 01:09:33,420 --> 01:09:35,130 Beetle breakfast? 757 01:09:36,173 --> 01:09:37,591 Beetle drink? 758 01:09:40,427 --> 01:09:41,929 Beetle juice? 759 01:09:42,054 --> 01:09:44,640 - That's it! - Your name's Beetlejuice? 760 01:09:44,723 --> 01:09:48,143 You said it twice. Just say it once more. Come on. 761 01:09:48,393 --> 01:09:50,938 It was you, wasn't it? The snake. 762 01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:55,069 You kids and your imagination! Just say it! 763 01:09:56,195 --> 01:09:57,279 No. 764 01:09:59,073 --> 01:10:00,199 I want to talk to Barbara. 765 01:10:00,282 --> 01:10:03,452 You don't need to talk to Barbara! Just say it! 766 01:10:07,456 --> 01:10:11,001 Adam, I can't go through with it. I like that little girl. 767 01:10:11,085 --> 01:10:14,505 But it's too late. We have to go through with this. 768 01:10:14,797 --> 01:10:17,132 No, we don't. Can't we rebel? 769 01:10:24,306 --> 01:10:26,350 I want to be with Lydia. 770 01:10:37,486 --> 01:10:39,405 Come on! Just say it! 771 01:10:41,615 --> 01:10:43,242 No, don't say it! 772 01:10:44,451 --> 01:10:45,703 Say it! 773 01:10:46,328 --> 01:10:49,083 It's okay. It's us. What's going on? 774 01:10:50,501 --> 01:10:51,794 Beetle... 775 01:10:52,295 --> 01:10:55,840 He said if I let him out he would take me to the other side to find you. 776 01:10:55,923 --> 01:10:57,842 No, Lydia, we're dead. 777 01:11:00,386 --> 01:11:02,388 - I want to be dead, too. - No! 778 01:11:11,022 --> 01:11:13,941 Being dead doesn't make things any easier. 779 01:11:14,025 --> 01:11:17,987 Listen to her on this. This is something we know a lot about. 780 01:11:19,030 --> 01:11:21,782 And you can visit us anytime you want. 781 01:11:23,409 --> 01:11:27,204 I have a feeling things are going to be better from now on. 782 01:11:28,164 --> 01:11:30,249 What do you mean, better? 783 01:11:30,458 --> 01:11:34,587 We've decided we're going to invite you and your family to stay. 784 01:11:35,713 --> 01:11:37,173 That's right. 785 01:11:42,639 --> 01:11:45,975 - Can't we bring Maxie up here? - You've got a stake in this, too. 786 01:11:46,059 --> 01:11:50,772 This is a presentation. It requires a sense of occasion, a sense of style. 787 01:11:50,855 --> 01:11:53,483 - It's big. How will we get it out? - It's sectional. 788 01:11:53,566 --> 01:11:55,401 - Wait, there are plugs. - Careful! 789 01:11:55,485 --> 01:11:56,819 Okay, go. 790 01:11:58,655 --> 01:12:01,783 - What's going on? - I don't know. I'll find out. 791 01:12:01,866 --> 01:12:03,284 Be careful. 792 01:12:04,661 --> 01:12:07,121 We've got Ed Cornwell to head the wax museum... 793 01:12:07,205 --> 01:12:11,292 ...dedicated to 50 great moments of the paranormal in Thanksgiving Park. 794 01:12:11,376 --> 01:12:13,252 You must remember Ed. 795 01:12:14,212 --> 01:12:17,966 He's the genius who gave us the talking Marcel Marceau statue. 796 01:12:19,676 --> 01:12:23,262 And D-Con is on its knees to sponsor the insect zoo... 797 01:12:24,472 --> 01:12:26,766 ...in the old hardware store. 798 01:12:27,141 --> 01:12:28,559 We can't lose! 799 01:12:34,816 --> 01:12:39,239 Lydia, you decided to join us. I just finished the initial presentation. 800 01:12:39,322 --> 01:12:41,866 Now it's time to have a stretch... 801 01:12:42,367 --> 01:12:45,704 ...and to invite our friends to meet your friends. 802 01:12:46,371 --> 01:12:48,123 Are they here yet? 803 01:12:48,456 --> 01:12:51,251 Charles, we're here to see some ghosts. 804 01:12:53,336 --> 01:12:55,505 They're not here... anymore. 805 01:12:59,926 --> 01:13:02,387 Every time she says that, the paint peels... 806 01:13:02,470 --> 01:13:05,473 ...and some wild creature tries to kill us. 807 01:13:07,017 --> 01:13:09,269 But we have pictures, Lydia. 808 01:13:09,436 --> 01:13:12,439 Really. They said they'd come back and we could all live here... 809 01:13:12,522 --> 01:13:16,693 ...if you agreed not to tease them or make them do stupid tricks. 810 01:13:17,694 --> 01:13:20,113 She has a tendency to overreact. 811 01:13:20,614 --> 01:13:24,075 Don't worry, we're not relying on her. We have Otho. 812 01:13:27,370 --> 01:13:30,667 - Are they still here? - Otho, are they still here? 813 01:13:30,876 --> 01:13:34,004 They're still here. They're just hiding out. 814 01:13:34,713 --> 01:13:37,299 They probably feel guilty about what they did to me. 815 01:13:37,382 --> 01:13:39,301 They're sorry they didn't kill you. 816 01:13:39,384 --> 01:13:41,428 I just want to see them. 817 01:13:43,889 --> 01:13:45,432 Otho, can you do it? 818 01:13:45,557 --> 01:13:48,685 - It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it. - No! 819 01:13:53,607 --> 01:13:57,069 What am I worried about? You can't even change a tire. 820 01:13:59,988 --> 01:14:02,741 I'll be needing something personal of theirs. 821 01:14:02,824 --> 01:14:04,993 You'll have to go to the Goodwill. 822 01:14:07,913 --> 01:14:09,289 Excuse me. 823 01:14:21,762 --> 01:14:23,597 The wedding clothes. 824 01:14:25,265 --> 01:14:26,642 The words: 825 01:14:34,942 --> 01:14:36,610 "Hands vermilion 826 01:14:37,069 --> 01:14:38,612 "Start of five 827 01:14:39,488 --> 01:14:40,948 "Bright cotillion 828 01:14:42,032 --> 01:14:43,534 "Raven's dive 829 01:14:44,493 --> 01:14:46,120 "Nightshade's promise 830 01:14:46,870 --> 01:14:48,455 "Spirits strive 831 01:14:49,623 --> 01:14:52,626 "To the living, let now the dead come alive" 832 01:15:07,766 --> 01:15:09,059 Barbara? 833 01:15:11,312 --> 01:15:13,564 "As sudden thunder pierces night 834 01:15:14,857 --> 01:15:17,153 "As magic wonder mad affright 835 01:15:17,695 --> 01:15:19,947 "Rives asunder man's delight 836 01:15:21,449 --> 01:15:23,367 "Our ghost, our corpse 837 01:15:24,493 --> 01:15:26,287 "And we rise to be" 838 01:15:36,464 --> 01:15:37,506 Help! 839 01:15:45,931 --> 01:15:47,224 Stop it! 840 01:15:49,977 --> 01:15:51,812 "As flies the lizard 841 01:15:51,937 --> 01:15:53,189 "Serpent fell 842 01:15:53,648 --> 01:15:55,650 "As goblin vizard at the spell 843 01:15:57,109 --> 01:15:59,904 "The buried, dead and slain rise again" 844 01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:49,205 What's happening to them? 845 01:16:50,498 --> 01:16:51,749 I don't know. 846 01:16:53,334 --> 01:16:54,877 They're dying! 847 01:16:54,961 --> 01:16:57,672 They're already dead. They can't feel a thing. 848 01:16:58,548 --> 01:17:01,634 - That's not true! Look at them! - That's enough. 849 01:17:01,718 --> 01:17:03,430 Can we stop this? 850 01:17:05,473 --> 01:17:08,059 It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry. 851 01:17:15,984 --> 01:17:18,528 Where are you? Help them, please. 852 01:17:22,657 --> 01:17:25,952 Sure, I can help them. But you've got to help me. 853 01:17:26,036 --> 01:17:28,997 - What? - I'm what you call an illegal alien. 854 01:17:29,122 --> 01:17:32,792 I want out for good. To do that, I've gotta get married. 855 01:17:34,711 --> 01:17:38,798 These aren't my rules. Come to think of it, I don't have any rules. 856 01:17:39,674 --> 01:17:40,967 Come on. 857 01:17:41,676 --> 01:17:44,721 Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience. We both get something. 858 01:17:44,804 --> 01:17:48,808 I get out. You get the most eligible bachelor since Valentino. 859 01:17:49,100 --> 01:17:51,645 - We're even. - Okay, just help them. 860 01:17:54,939 --> 01:17:56,109 Sure. 861 01:18:06,620 --> 01:18:08,080 Beetlejuice. 862 01:18:16,463 --> 01:18:18,048 It's show time. 863 01:18:35,691 --> 01:18:37,609 Attention, K-Mart shoppers: 864 01:18:48,747 --> 01:18:53,210 I'm back. I feel real good about myself. You know what I mean? So... 865 01:18:53,544 --> 01:18:55,379 ...without further delay... 866 01:18:56,797 --> 01:18:58,757 ...welcome to Winter River! 867 01:18:58,841 --> 01:19:00,884 Museum of Natural Greed! 868 01:19:01,135 --> 01:19:03,304 A monument to the bored businessman. 869 01:19:03,387 --> 01:19:07,141 Come a little closer. Step right up! Test your strength. 870 01:19:29,330 --> 01:19:30,706 Thank you. 871 01:19:30,831 --> 01:19:32,541 Thank you! Whew! 872 01:19:33,917 --> 01:19:37,546 That is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe. 873 01:19:38,005 --> 01:19:39,590 I won't do 'em. 874 01:19:39,715 --> 01:19:42,678 Well, what have we got here tonight, kids? 875 01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:47,683 We've got the Maitlands. 876 01:19:47,933 --> 01:19:50,853 I think they've had enough exercise for tonight. 877 01:19:57,860 --> 01:20:00,946 Not so fast, Round Boy. We're gonna have some laughs. 878 01:20:21,425 --> 01:20:22,760 Mom, Dad: 879 01:20:25,888 --> 01:20:28,766 I just want you two to know you're welcome in our house... 880 01:20:28,849 --> 01:20:31,143 ...anytime you want to come over. 881 01:20:31,227 --> 01:20:34,105 In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad. 882 01:20:38,403 --> 01:20:42,907 The Maitlands are taken care of. Everything seems to be back to normal. 883 01:20:47,996 --> 01:20:49,330 Shall we? 884 01:20:59,716 --> 01:21:02,093 Called the caterer. He's got a great band. 885 01:21:02,176 --> 01:21:04,971 We're gonna need witnesses. Would you? 886 01:21:55,398 --> 01:21:57,609 Let's get on with the ceremony. 887 01:21:57,692 --> 01:21:59,277 Do you, Betel... 888 01:22:00,862 --> 01:22:04,366 - Nobody says the "B" word. - Do you take this woman... 889 01:22:05,033 --> 01:22:07,160 ...to be your wedded wife? 890 01:22:08,036 --> 01:22:10,622 I don't know. It's a big decision. 891 01:22:10,705 --> 01:22:14,584 I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it only once. 892 01:22:15,543 --> 01:22:16,962 Sure. Go ahead. 893 01:22:17,045 --> 01:22:19,589 And do you, Lydia, take this man... 894 01:22:20,256 --> 01:22:21,716 No! Betel... 895 01:22:23,470 --> 01:22:27,057 She's a little nervous. Maybe I should answer for her. 896 01:22:27,224 --> 01:22:29,142 I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. 897 01:22:29,226 --> 01:22:31,770 The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me. 898 01:22:31,853 --> 01:22:34,856 I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine. 899 01:22:35,524 --> 01:22:36,566 Come on. 900 01:22:40,570 --> 01:22:41,863 Come on. 901 01:22:43,073 --> 01:22:44,449 Betelgeu... 902 01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:51,290 Scram! 903 01:22:53,125 --> 01:22:54,418 Come on! 904 01:22:56,086 --> 01:22:57,421 Hey, guy. 905 01:23:00,590 --> 01:23:03,010 May we continue with the ceremony? 906 01:23:05,721 --> 01:23:07,639 - Then by... - Betelgeuse. 907 01:23:17,609 --> 01:23:18,861 Strike! 908 01:23:22,114 --> 01:23:23,532 Let's roll! 909 01:23:23,782 --> 01:23:26,410 Then by the authority vested in me... 910 01:23:27,077 --> 01:23:29,705 - The ring, please. - The ring! Oh, no! 911 01:23:37,755 --> 01:23:39,548 I've got it, honey. 912 01:23:55,606 --> 01:23:57,691 Here it is. Here you go. 913 01:23:58,317 --> 01:24:01,236 She meant nothing to me. Nothing at all! 914 01:24:07,701 --> 01:24:09,997 - I now pronounce you... - Yeah, come on. 915 01:24:11,874 --> 01:24:13,209 Man and... 916 01:25:12,645 --> 01:25:15,189 - What time is it? - It's about 3:30. 917 01:25:16,524 --> 01:25:18,359 Give or take a year. 918 01:25:24,949 --> 01:25:26,117 Well? 919 01:25:27,368 --> 01:25:28,453 Did you get the paints? 920 01:25:28,536 --> 01:25:32,040 Yes. And I took pictures of the new town hall for you, too. 921 01:25:32,123 --> 01:25:34,042 How was the science test? 922 01:25:34,125 --> 01:25:37,211 It was gross. They wanted me to dissect a frog. 923 01:25:37,295 --> 01:25:40,715 I told them "no way." I said it was against my religion. I got a "C." 924 01:25:40,798 --> 01:25:42,550 And the math test? 925 01:25:44,218 --> 01:25:48,514 You're kidding me? We spent the whole week studying for that test. 926 01:25:48,848 --> 01:25:50,350 I got an "A." 927 01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:51,976 So, can I? 928 01:25:52,644 --> 01:25:55,647 I don't know. Got a "C" on the science test. 929 01:25:57,442 --> 01:26:00,362 Don't tease her. You never got on "A" in science... 930 01:26:05,075 --> 01:26:06,368 Come on. 931 01:26:08,036 --> 01:26:09,287 Well... 932 01:26:10,330 --> 01:26:11,790 ...I suppose. 933 01:26:28,390 --> 01:26:30,475 This reads like stereo instructions. 934 01:26:30,558 --> 01:26:33,269 Sounds like Lydia got an "A" on the math test. 935 01:26:35,563 --> 01:26:37,023 He likes it. 936 01:27:17,733 --> 01:27:20,068 Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there. 937 01:27:21,987 --> 01:27:23,196 Women. 938 01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:26,742 I don't know what her problem is. 939 01:27:27,534 --> 01:27:28,952 Normally, chicks... 940 01:27:43,594 --> 01:27:45,554 Pardon me. Did you do that? 941 01:27:45,638 --> 01:27:47,014 Nice work. 942 01:27:47,222 --> 01:27:49,308 How do you get them so small? 943 01:27:49,391 --> 01:27:51,352 There goes Elvis! Yo, King! 944 01:27:54,146 --> 01:27:56,273 Well, looks like I'm next. 945 01:27:58,317 --> 01:28:02,946 Good thing. I've got to do a photo shoot for G.Q. In an hour and a half. 946 01:28:03,947 --> 01:28:07,826 They've been after me for months. Some kind of underwear deal. 947 01:28:09,495 --> 01:28:12,414 What are you doing? Stop it. You're messing up my hair. 948 01:28:12,498 --> 01:28:14,583 Come on! Whoa! Stop it! 949 01:28:18,170 --> 01:28:20,547 This might be a good look for me. 950 01:31:42,883 --> 01:31:45,427 Subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER