"AND THEN NOSE MAN TAKES THE AX
AND CHOPS HIS WAY INTO THE CITY'S INNER SANCTUM."
AND THEN WHAT? THEN WHAT?
[PAGES FLIP]
AH. HERE IT IS.
NOSE MAN SAYS,
"THIS PLACE IS MALODOROUS,
CHOCK FULL OF MALIGNANCIES."
GADS. THIS COMIC'S A REAL PAGE TURNER.
IT'S SLOPPING OVER WITH GRIPPING SUSPENSE.
LET'S SEE NOW. LET'S SEE.
UH, UH, NOSEY SAYS,
"DO MY NOSTRILS DETECT THE OVERPOWERING STENCH
OF A PREHISTORIC MONSTER?"
HE TURNS AROUND AND...
SHMODZILLA!
"STORY CONTINUED IN HIDEOUS TALES
ISSUE NUMBER 177."
GEE. THAT'S NICE.
STORY CONTINUED IN HIDEOUS TALES 177?
WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?
IT'S A VERITABLE COLLECTOR'S ITEM.
YOU'RE ON IN FIVE SECONDS.
WHAT...WHO... WHERE...WHA--HUH?
GEE. TOUGH AUDIENCE.
[FEEDBACK]
AHH...
¶ ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ¶
¶ DO RE ME FA SO LA TI DO ¶
HMM.
¶ SHA-BOO BA DO DO DO ¶
¶ BA-DOOPA DO DO DO ¶
¶ SHA-DOODLETY BOO BOO DOO BA ¶
¶ BA-BOOPA BOPA CHOO BOO ¶
SAY, THIS STUFF WORKS GREAT.
TAKE IT, GHOULIE.
¶¶
¶ ¶ ¶
¶¶
¶ THEY'RE DRENCHED IN BLOOD ¶
¶ OR CAKED WITH MUD ¶
¶ YOU YELL AND SCREAM ¶
¶ WHEN ONE OF THEM ARRIVES ¶
¶ THERE IS NO DENYIN' ¶
¶ MONSTERS LEAD SUCH INTERESTING LIVES ¶
¶ THEY LIVE IN OOZE ¶
¶ THEY'VE PAID THEIR DUES ¶
¶ NO BROTHERS, SISTERS, MOMS OR DADS OR WIVES ¶
¶ HONEST, I'M NOT LYIN' ¶
¶ MONSTERS LEAD SUCH INTERESTING LIVES ¶
¶ WHEN YOU SEE THEM COMIN' DOWN THE STREET ¶
¶ YA BETTER NOT HAVE ¶
¶ WEIGHTS TIED TO YOUR FEET ¶
¶ THEY'LL STEAL YOUR HEART ¶
¶ TEAR YOU APART LIMB FROM LIMB ¶
¶ ON A WHIM ¶
¶ THEY'LL SUCK YOUR BRAINS ¶
¶ AND EAT YOUR REMAINS ¶
¶ THEY'LL SLICE YOU UP ¶
¶ WITH LITTLE FORKS AND KNIVES ¶
¶ THEY'RE NEVER MERRY ¶
¶ THEY'RE ALL SO SCARY ¶
¶ MONSTERS LEAD SUCH INTERESTING LIVES ¶
¶ THEY'RE INDEPENDENT FELLAS ¶
¶ THEY DON'T LIVE 9:00 TO 5:00s ¶
¶ MONSTERS LEAD SUCH INTERESTING LIVES ¶
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
SO, ARE YOU FOLKS ENJOYING YOURSELVES?
HIYA, FRANKIE. HOW'S THE MISSUS?
[HISSING]
LOOK, IT'S MUMMY DEAREST.
STILL ALL WRAPPED UP IN YOURSELF, I SEE.
HO HO HO HO.
AND--WHOA!
IT APPEARS WE HAVE A CELEBRITY IN OUR MIDST,
THAT 22-TON TERROR OF TOKYO TOWN,
THAT TOWERING COLOSSUS
OF SCALY REPTILIAN BULK.
OF COURSE I'M TALKING ABOUT--
THROW A SPOT ON HIM.
SHMODZILLA!
SO, SHMOD, BABY,
LEVELED ANY MAJOR CITIES LATELY?
YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
SHMODZILLA'S JUST LIKE ANY UNEMPLOYED ACTOR
EXCEPT THAT WHEN HE POUNDS THE PAVEMENT,
IT REGISTERS A 10 ON THE RICHTER SCALE.
[RIM SHOT]
[GRRR]
AW, WHAT'S THE MATTER,
THE PUBLIC NOT BUYING
THOSE CHEAP SPECIAL EFFECTS ANYMORE?
[GRRR]
WOO! HA!
WOO! OW!
OW! AAH OOH!
WOO! EEE!
WHEW!
A DREAM.
IT WAS ALL A DREAM.
HEH HEH HEH.
SHMODZILLA.
YOU WAS EXPECTING MAYBE CALVIN COOLIDGE?
¶ DOOBA DOOBA DOOBA DA DA ¶
¶ EH EH EH EH ¶
¶ EH EH EH-EH EH EH EH EH-EH ¶
RIGHT THIS WAY, FOLKS.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
IT'S A BARGAIN AT ANY PRICE.
GET YOURSELF A BRAND NEW DELOREAN.
NO HOUSEHOLD SHOULD BE WITHOUT ONE.
JUST $60,000 IN 3 EASY WEEKLY INSTALLMENTS.
THESE LITTLE BABIES ARE SELLING LIKE HOT CAKES.
PLUS THERE'S A FREE SIX-PACK OF ICE-COLD BILLY BEER
WITH EACH AND EVERY PURCHASE.
THEY'RE STURDY.
THEY'RE DEPENDABLE.
THEY'RE FACTORY FRESH.
THEY'RE-- THEY'RE--
HMM...SLIGHTLY USED.
THEY'RE--
[ARF ARF ARF]
SO STRONG IT CAN SUSPEND THIS COW
FROM AN IRON GIRDER.
[MOO]
AND SO EASY TO USE.
JUST PLACE BETWEEN THE THUMB AND FOREFINGER,
GENTLY SQUEEZE, AND--
AND, UH, IT--IT--
IT--IT REALLY STICKS, UH, LIKE THAT THERE.
[MOO]
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]
I REPRESENT EXCELSIOR APPLIANCES AND APPURTENANCES
WITH A COMPLETE LINE OF HOUSEHOLD APPURT-APPURT--
IS THE LADY OF THE HOUSE IN?
NO!
HERE YOU ARE, FOLKS.
STEP RIGHT UP. STEP RIGHT UP.
MY COMPANY HAS AUTHORIZED ME TO OFFER,
AT SLASHED PRICES,
THIS COMPLETE LINE OF LAUGH PROVOKERS.
THE LITTLE GEM FLOWER SQUIRTER.
NOW, DON'T CROWD. DON'T CROWD.
WELL, ISN'T ANYBODY GOING TO CROWD?
ANYBODY?
HOW ABOUT A JOE MILLER JOKE BOOK?
UH...LAUGHS GALORE.
AJAX RIB TICKLER, MA'AM.
AMUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND.
IT'S USED... LIKE IT...IT'S NICE.
SPECIAL PRICE
ON CHICKEN INSPECTOR BADGE, SIR.
IT'S... IT'S ONLY 13 CENTS.
AMUSE YOUR FRIENDS
WITH A 200-VOLT ELECTRIC HAND BUZZER.
IT'S SHOCKING.
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM
FOR THE LATEST NEWS UPDATE
ON THE HEALTH OF RENOWN TYCOON J.P. CUBISH.
J.P. CUBISH THE MULTIMILLIONAIRE
IS IN CRITICAL CONDITION.
THE AILING BUZZ-SAW BARON,
WHO HASN'T LAUGHED IN 50 YEARS,
SAYS HE'D GIVE A MILLION DOLLARS
FOR ONE GOOD LAUGH BEFORE HE PASSES ON.
SUFFERING SUCCOTASH.
WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?
I'LL MAKE THAT SAD SACK BUST A SEAM LAUGHING.
HMM.
IMPOSING-LOOKING PILE.
YES?
YOUR TROUBLES ARE OVER, JEEVES.
LEAD ME TO YOUR STRICKEN MASTER.
BE GONE!
CAN'T GO IN, HUH?
UH, NO.
OH, WELL. NO HARD FEELINGS.
SHAKE.
OOH! AAH! OHH!
CIGARETTE?
OH HA HA HO!
OH HA HA!
YOU CAN SEE HIM!
OH HO! HA HA HA!
RIGHT THIS WAY.
HO HO HO.
AND THAT'S JUST A SAMPLE, RUGGLES,
OF WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOUR MASTER.
THROUGH HERE, SIR.
THANK YOU, BOY.
[CRASH]
WATCH THAT FIRST STEP, MEADOWS.
IT'S A DILLY.
¶ SINGIN' IN THE BATHTUB ¶
¶ LA DA DEE DA DA ¶
I WAS A BIT DUSTY.
ZENITH'S LITTLE GIANT WALL SCALER.
[MUMBLING]
[CRASH]
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
POP!
GLUGGLE GLUGGLE GLUGGLE GLUGGLE.
SKOAL.
OOH ARGH!
HOO-HOO! HOO-HOO!
[GULP]
WHOOPS.
HOW ARE THINGS IN GLACOMORA?
ONCE AND FOR ALL, I'M GOING TO--
NOT SO FAST, MY MAN GODFREY.
IT BECOMES INCREASINGLY APPARENT
THAT I'M NOT WANTED AROUND HERE.
ARE WE TO ASSUME THAT THERE'S ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT
IN YOUR ATTITUDE?
THAT "A," A BUTLER MIGHT NOT WANT
HIS MASTER TO RECOVER HIS GOOD HEALTH?
THAT "B," SAID BUTLER SHOULD ENDEAVOR
TO REMOVE FROM THE PREMISES
THE ONLY PERSON CAPABLE OF RESTORING SAID HEALTH TO SAID MASTER?
UH--NO! NO!
WHERE WERE YOU THE NIGHT OF APRIL 16th?
I--I...
A LIKELY STORY.
I SEE IT ALL NOW.
YOU AND THE UPSTAIRS MAID.
DO THE OLD BOY IN, YOU SAID.
ELDERBERRY WINE AND OLD LACE.
THEN THE QUICK GETAWAY. RIO DE JANERIO.
TROPICAL NIGHTS, ROMANCE,
AND A HEAVY BANK ACCOUNT.
NO, NO.
YES, YES,
BUT YOU WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH, JOHN.
ALIAS JOHNNY,
ALIAS JACK, ALIAS JACKIE.
WHEW!
WHAT'S HUMPHREY BOGART GOT THAT I AIN'T GOT?
BUT I...
BUT YOU...
JUST TO SHOW YOU I'M NOT ALL COPPER,
I'LL GIVE YOU A HEAD START.
GET GOING! HURRY!
THEY'RE ON YOUR TRAIL!
AAH!
STAY ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.
NOW TO BUSINESS.
LACE YOUR CORSET, J.P.
HERE I COME!
MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
DON'T WORRY, GRAMPS.
WE'LL FIX YOU RIGHT UP.
HEH HEH.
HEH HEH HEH.
HEH HEH HEH!
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA HA HA!
WHAT'S THAT FOR, BUB?
I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU SEE ANYTHING GREEN?
ANY FLIES ON ME?
HA HA HA HA!
AND TO MY BELOVED MASCOT DAFFY DUCK,
WHO HAS GIVEN ME MUCH SOLACE
IN MY FINAL DAYS,
I LEAVE THE BULK OF MY FINANCIAL ASSETS
WITH THE PROVISION THAT DAFFY USE THE MONEY
TO EXEMPLIFY THE HIGHEST SPIRIT
OF AMERICAN FREE ENTERPRISE
AND DISPLAY HONESTY IN ALL BUSINESS AFFAIRS.
HOO-HOO! HOO-HOO!
SUCCESS AT LAST.
HOO-HOO! HOO-HOO!
¶ I'M IN THE MONEY ¶
¶ I'VE GOT A LOT OF WHAT IT TAKES TO GET ALONG ¶
AH, UPWARD MOBILITY...
THE SMELL OF IT.
GADS! THAT CUBISH--
WHAT A RUBE.
¶ HONESTY IN BUSINESS AFFAIRS ¶
HOW CORNY CAN YOU GET?
I MEAN, HE CAN'T TAKE IT WITH HIM.
[THUNDER]
OH, NO?
HA HA HA!
CUBISH!
WHAT?
NO!
CUT IT OUT, WOULD YOU?
USE THE MONEY FOR GOOD IN THE WORLD.
YEAH, USE IT FOR GOOD.
STRANGE THAT YOU MENTIONED THAT.
MY VERY INTENTION.
YOU TOOK THE WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH.
YOU MUST PROVIDE A SERVICE TO THE COMMUNITY.
YEP. UH-HUH. SURE, SURE.
COMMUNITY SERVICE--
IT'S THE AMERICAN WAY.
WHAT A HYPOCRITE.
WHAT A GYP.
COMMUNITY SERVICE, HUH?
I'LL GIVE HIM COMMUNITY SERVICE.
I'LL SEE TO IT THAT INGRATE GHOSTS
ARE WIPED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
I'LL RID THE WORLD OF DISGUSTING ECTOPLASMIC SLIME
LIKE J.P. CUBISH.
UH, NICE ECTOPLASMIC SLIME LIKE J.P. CUBISH.
WHEW!
QUITE ARTISTIC, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.
THINGS ARE REALLY LOOKING UP.
NICE NEW OFFICE,
APPROPRIATE DECOR,
AND ME...
SET TO EMBARK ON A POTENTIALLY LUCRATIVE
BUSINESS ENDEAVOR.
AHH...
[COUGHING]
THE SUPERNATURAL'S A WIDE-OPEN FIELD.
THERE ARE ANY NUMBER OF CRACKPOTS
WHO THINK THEY'VE SEEN A SPOOK.
IT'S SUPPLY AND DEMAND.
THEY SUPPLY THE GHOSTS,
AND I DEMAND THE MONEY,
ALL OF WHICH IS SAFELY ENSCONCED HEREIN.
16 MILLION...
17 MILLION...
26...
27...
OK, IT'S ALL HERE.
WHAT'S LEFT OF IT ANYWAY.
ALLS I NEED IS UNDERLINGS TO BOSS AROUND.
AFTER ALL, SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO THE DIRTY WORK.
WHICH REMINDS ME, WHERE IS THAT STUPID RABBIT?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE AN HOUR AGO.
THINKS HE'S SUCH A BIG STAR.
NOT AGAIN!
EEKS!
WHAT DID I SAY?
IT WAS WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE RABBIT, RIGHT?
I TAKE IT BACK. HE'S A SWELL RABBIT.
HE'LL BE A VALUED AND TRUSTED ASSOCIATE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL MAKE HIM VICE PRESIDENT.
CUBISH!
I'LL GET YOU YET.
WELL, UH, SEEING IS BELIEVING.
"DAFFY DUCK, PARANORMALIST."
THAT'S RIGHT-- PARANORMALIST.
WE'LL BE A PAIR OF PARANORMALISTS.
GET IT?
PERHAPS YOU WERE WONDERING
WHY I CALLED YOU HERE.
WELL, ACTUALLY I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD--
AND YOU COULDN'T WAIT TO SUPPORT MY CRUSADE
AGAINST THE UNDEAD.
I TELL YA, IT'S A CRISIS OF EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS.
ALL THESE VAMPIRES, ZOMBIES,
AND MEN FROM MARS TRAIPSING ABOUT.
THE STREETS AREN'T SAFE.
SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE DONE ABOUT IT.
OK, OK, BUT WHY ME?
IT'S YOUR CIVIC RESPONSIBILITY.
THE PUBLIC WILL LISTEN TO YOU--
A VERITABLE PARAGON OF WHOLESOME FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.
YECCHH!
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY VACATION, AND--
VACATION, DID YOU SAY?
WE OFFER MARVELOUS TRAVEL OPPORTUNITIES.
PALM SPRINGS?
WELL, CLOSE TO IT, ANYWAY.
HOW'S THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE?
WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO.
HMM, HE LOOKS COOL-HEADED ENOUGH.
TIME TO TEST HIS METTLE
UNDER HONEST-TO-GOODNESS FIELD CONDITIONS.
I'LL GIVE HIM THE TREATMENT.
GRRR!
GASP?
SO IS IT A DEAL?
SURE. CALL IF YOU NEED ME.
AND BY THE WAY,
YOU NEVER LOOKED LOVELIER.
HEH HEH HEH!
I LOVE THESE NOVELTY ACCOUTERMENTS.
THEY'RE A RIOT AT PARTIES.
BUT I WONDER IF THAT RABBIT CAN CUT THE MUSTARD.
PERHAPS HE NEEDS A LITTLE BACKUP.
NOW FOR SOME CREATIVE RECRUITMENT TACTICS.
PORKY PIG? WELL, YOU COULDN'T ASK
FOR A BETTER PIGEON THAN THAT.
THEN THERE ARE NUMEROUS FRINGE BENEFITS,
SUCH AS OUR GENEROUS EMPLOYEE INSURANCE POLICIES.
REST ASSURED THAT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU,
I'LL BE WELL TAKEN CARE OF.
SO, ARE YOU IN?
OH, W-W-WHY, YES, MR. DUCK.
I--I WOULD, UH, DEARLY LOVE TO JOIN FORCES
WITH YOUR BRAVE BAND
OF PARAN-N-N... OF GHOST EXTERMINATORS.
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?
OH, YES, SIR.
I'LL GIVE HIM THE ACID TEST.
OH, ONE MORE THING--
ANYONE THAT WORKS WITH ME SHOULDN'T GET ME RILED.
OH, AND W-W-WHY NOT?
BECAUSE I'M A SPLIT PERSONALITY.
THAT'S WHY NOT.
I'M TWO PEOPLE IN ONE.
A SCHIZ--A SCHIZ--
A SCHIZOPHRENIAC.
WHEN PEOPLE ARE NICE TO ME, I'M SWEET,
GENTLE, AND LOVING.
HELLO, BABY. NICE, FAT LITTLE BUTTERBALL.
OH, N-N-NOW STOP!
BUT WHEN SOME WISE GUY
STARTS PUSHING ME AROUND,
LOOK OUT!
I TURN INTO A HIDEOUS MONSTER.
GRRR!
GET THE IDEA, BUSTER?
I D-D-DO. I DO. INDEED, I D-D-DO,
AND I'LL BE NICE AND K-KIND AND GENTLE.
YAAH!
[STUTTERING]
HOO HOO HOO!
OH, BROTHER!
HAVE I GOT THIS CHUMP GOING.
WHAT A KNUCKLEHEAD
FALLING FOR THAT SPLIT-PERSONALITY MONSTER GAG.
WELL, TH-TH-THAT TREACHEROUS TRICKSTER.
I'LL SHOW HIM WHO'S A KNUCKLEHEAD.
I'LL GIVE HIM A DOSE
OF HIS OWN M-M-M-MEDICINE.
I HOPE I LOOK SC-SC-SCARY ENOUGH.
WELL, I THINK I'LL GO SCARE SOME MORE DAYLIGHTS
OUT OF THE LITTLE BUTTERBALL.
[PANTING]
SUFFERING CATFISH!
I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS THAT HIDEOUS.
I'M NOT.
AAH!
GOSH, WHAT A SCAREDY CAT.
ANYBODY WHO'D BE SCARED OF A MASQUERADE COSTUME
IS A CRAVEN LITTLE COWARD.
AAH!
TAKE IT EASY, FAT STUFF.
I WAS JUST TESTING YOU.
GOOD NEWS. YOU GOT THE JOB.
YOU PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS.
Y-Y-YOU ARE TOO KIND.
[RING]
HELLO, EH, DAFFY DUCK, EH, B-B-BUGS BUNNY,
AND PORKY PIG-- P-PARANORMALISTS AT LARGE.
P-P-PORKY PIG SPEAKING.
UH, YES. WH-WH-WHY, YES, WE DO.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
WE'LL SEND YOU OUR FREE BROCHURE.
DAFFY DUCK'S THE NAME.
THE SUPERNATURAL'S MY GAME.
WHAT'S THAT?
YOU SAY THE LOCH NESS MONSTER IS LIVING
IN YOUR JACUZZI?
WELL, CALL ROTO ROOTER.
CRANK CALL.
ALL'S I CAN SAY IS NEVER UNDERESTIMATE
THE POWER OF THE MEDIA.
THE PHONE'S BEEN RINGING OFF THE HOOK
SINCE WE STARTED ADVERTISING ON TV.
HOW DID HE GET IN?
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU
NO PETS IN THE OFFICE.
WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?
I--OOH!
EEPS!
I'VE HEARD OF DEFLATION, BUT THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS.
CEASE!
DESIST!
WAIT! I GET YOU.
I GOT TO BE NICER TO MY SLAVE LABOR
LIKE CHUBBY.
I THOUGHT SO.
I'LL TREAT HIM WITH KID GLOVES.
SORRY, SNUGGLES,
I DIDN'T MEAN TO STARTLE YOU.
I MAY BE IN THE CHIPS,
BUT I DON'T FORGET THE LITTLE PEOPLE.
I'LL GIVE YOU TWO RAISES,
BONUSES GALORE. I'LL--OOF!
THAT'S IT. GET OUT OF HERE.
I OUGHT TO--
WHAT A SWEET LITTLE FELLOW WE ARE.
MY, DON'T WE LOOK PEAKED--SORT OF WAN.
HOW THOUGHTLESS OF ME TO HAVE LEFT YOU
COOPED UP IN THIS STUFFY OFFICE.
[MEOW]
THERE, HERE'S A NICE SPACIOUS WINDOW LEDGE
FOR YOU TO STRETCH OUT ON.
[PIGEONS COO]
P-P-P-P-PARDON ME, YOUR EMINENCE.
UH, I HAVE SOME P-PAP--P-PAP...
SOME CORRESPONDENCE FOR YOU TO SIGN.
QUIET! OUR COMMERCIAL'S COMING ON.
HELLO, FOLKS.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT FOR ME THERE'S NOTHING MORE UPSETTING
THAN HAVING A BUNCH OF UNWELCOME GHOULS
CLANKING AROUND THE HOUSE.
DID YOU EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE MORNINGS
WHEN YOU WAKE UP TO A WHOLE SERIES
OF UNEXPLAINABLE PHENOMENA?
HE...HE...HE...
WH-WH-WH-WHAT'S UP, DOC?
WHAT--YAAH!
WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE?
WHERE--YAAH!
WHERE AM I, ANYWAY?
EEK!
AAH!
IF YOU'VE EVER HAD THIS PROBLEM--
AND WHO HASN'T?
JUST CALL DAFFY DUCK, BUGS BUNNY, AND PORKY PIG,
PARANORMALISTS AT LARGE.
JUST CALL...
REMEMBER, THAT'S THE SAME AS DIALING...
A MASTERPIECE!
EVEN BETTER THE 47th TIME YOU SEE IT.
TOO BAD THE RABBIT HAD TO OVERACT SO MUCH.
HEH HEH HEH!
HOO HOO HA HA!
JUST BEING A PUSSYCAT IS A--
IS A CONSTANT HAZARD.
WHEW! THEY STILL HAVEN'T PERFECTED FLYING.
I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY TAT.
I BETTER HIDE,
OR THAT BAD OLD PUDDY TAT GONNA GET ME.
HEH HEH HEH!
NO USE HIDING, BIRD.
I KNOW YOU'RE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERES.
HA HA HA HA!
YOU BAD OLD PUDDY TAT.
OOH HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
AH HA HA HA!
OPEN UP!
OPEN UP, I SAY!
OPEN THIS DOOR,
OR I'LL KNOCK IT DOWN.
[CRASH]
I'LL JUMP!
I'VE GOT A CHOICE?
AAH!
FLY! FLY FASTER!
FLY HARDER!
FLY!
HE'S A KILLER!
HELP! SAVE ME!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
SAVE ME! HE'S A KILLER!
HELP!
HA! I GOT YOU!
JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET OUT
AND THAT GOON DON'T GET IN,
I'M LOCKING THE DOOR
AND TOSSING THE KEY OUT.
NOW FOR THAT TWEETY SANDWICH
I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF.
STOP SQUIRMING!
I CAN'T STAND A SORE LOSER.
NOW FOR A LITTLE SEASONING.
THERE'S CLOVES.
TABASCO SAUCE.
WHAT? NO KETCHUP?
WELL, I'LL JUST HAVE TO EAT YOU WITHOUT KETCH--
HELP! OPEN THE DOOR!
I'M LOCKED IN WITH A KILLER!
AAH! HELP! HELP!
AAH! AAH!
HELP!
SAVE ME!
AAH! AAH! SAVE ME!
HE'S A KILLER!
HELP!
S-S-S-SYLVESTER!
MOST OUTRAGEOUS EXHIBITION
OF WANTON COWARDICE.
TSK TSK TSK TSK.
SHAMEFUL.
YEAH, SHAMEFUL.
TSK TSK TSK.
SYL-SYLVESTER, NOW, WH-WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
WH-WH-WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?
HE'S A COMPLETE BASKET CASE.
W-W-ONE WORD.
RHINOCEROS?
EH, QU-QU-QUASIMODO?
MONSTER.
WHY, TH-TH-THAT'S JUST A LITTLE OLD CANARY BIRD
FL-FLUTTERING IN THE B-BREEZE.
YOU Y-YELLOW DOG
OF A C-COWARDLY SYLVESTER, YOU.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
N-N-NOW, SYLVESTER, COME ON OFF OF THERE.
YES, YES.
HMM. YES.
YOU OUGHT TO BE D-D-DECLAWED,
YOU S-S-SILLY NINNY, YOU.
OK, THAT'S IT. YOU'RE DONE.
FIRED! PINK SLIP WITHOUT PAY.
[THUNDER]
HOW'S ABOUT YOU AND YOUR DARLING PET
TAKING A LITTLE EXCURSION TO...
TO...
THE RESORT TOWN OF DRY GULCH.
SOMETHING SCREWY'S GOING ON DOWN THERE.
TERROR IN THE TUMBLEWEEDS
AND SUCH.
N-N-NEVER FEAR.
M-MY EAGLE EYE WILL BE E-EVER ALERT
TO ANYTHING OUT OF THE ORDIN--
ORDIN-N-N-- ORDINANY--
ANYTHING UNUSUAL.
G-G-GOSH, SYLVESTER,
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
AN ALL-EXPENSE- P-P-PAID VACATION.
HEY, EASY ON THE EXPENSES, JACK!
TAKE THAT PANICKY FELINE WITH YOU.
COME ALONG, YOU PU-PU-EH-PU-PUSILANIMOUS
PUSSY CAT, YOU.
WELL, SYLVESTER, HERE WE ARE.
D-D-DRY GULCH, OUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT.
G-GOLLY, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO G-GO OUT WEST,
HAVEN'T YOU, SY-SYLVESTER?
IT'S S-S-SO QUAINT
AND PI-PICTURESQUE.
I DON'T THINK WE'RE EVER G-G-GOING TO FIND
ANY GH-GHO-GH-GH-- POLTERGEISTS OUT HERE.
D-D-DRY GULCH HOTEL.
HOW OPPORTUNE.
I HOPE THEY'RE NOT FULL UP.
C-COME ON, SYLVESTER.
I'M AFRAID WE'LL HAVE TO WAKE SOMEBODY UP.
WH-WH-WHAT THE...
SY-SY-SYLVESTER.
OH, D-D-DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
NOW, COME ON.
GET DOWN FROM THERE.
I OUGHT TO CLOBBER YOU.
EH, C-COME ON, YOU GREAT Y-YELLOW CAT, YOU.
WH-WHAT NOW?
TH-TH-THE THINGS I HAVE
TO PUT UP WI-WI-WITH THIS IDIOTIC CAT.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE T-T-TEENY HARMLESS SPIDER,
YOU SHAMELESS CRAVEN, YOU.
NOW, C-C-COME ON!
I'M SLEEPY.
I'LL JUST R-RING FOR THE NIGHT CLERK.
I G-G-GUESS THEY'RE ASLEEP.
WE BETTER J-J-JUST SIGN THE REGISTER
AND FIND A ROOM FOR OURSELVES.
WE'LL STRAIGHTEN IT OUT IN THE MORNING.
WH-WH-WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA
OF PUSHING ME?
D-D-DON'T BE SUCH AN IDIOT.
WH-WHAT ARE YOU,
A SCHIZOPHREFREE-- SCHIZOPHREFREE-FREE--
SCHIZOPHRE--
A--A--A MA--
A MANIC DEPRESSIVE OR SOMETHING?
SY-SY-SYLVESTER!
WH-WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO,
WAKE EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE?
OF ALL THE S-S-SCREWBALL IDEAS!
FIGHTING WITH STUFFED ANIMALS.
WEREN'T WE LUCKY TO FIND
AN UNOCCUPIED SUITE, SYLVESTER?
NOW, L-L-LET'S GO TO SLEEP.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER IN THE MORNING.
PSY-PSYCHOPATHIC OLD PUSSY CAT, YOU.
AAH! WH-WH-WH--
I--I--I CAN'T BREATHE!
WH-WH-WHAT'S GO--
HEY, HEY, HEY!
UH, SY-SYLVESTER.
WH-WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING
W-WITH THAT ROPE?
AND THAT RAZOR?
WH-WHO? WH-WHAT HAP--
WHO--WHAT...
[COUGHING]
TH-TH-THAT SETTLES IT!
OUT YOU GO!
OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!
W-WHAT? G-GET OFF ME!
G-GET OUT OF HERE!
WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW?
SY-SYLVESTER, YOU COME OUT OF THERE
THIS INSTANT.
UH, W-W-WELL?
OH, UH, C-CUT IT OUT!
OF ALL THE N-N-NONSENSE.
I-I GUESS THE ONLY WAY
YOU'LL BE SAFE FROM THE B-B-BOGEY N
IS TO SLEEP WITH ME.
YOU POLTROON OF A CHICKEN CAT, YOU.
M-M-MUSH.
UH...
TELL ME, SYLVESTER.
I-IS THERE ANY I-INSANITY IN YOUR FAMILY?
AHH.
UH, WH-WHAT A LOVELY MORNING.
TH-THIS REALLY IS A RESTFUL PLACE.
I THINK WE'LL STAY A WEEK OR SO
AND GET REALLY R-R-RESTED UP.
¶ OH, GIVE ME A HOME ¶
¶ WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM ¶
¶ AND THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PLAY ¶
[POW!]
¶ AND THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PL-- ¶
¶ AND THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PL-PL-- ¶
¶ AND THE DEER ¶
WHEW!
YEOW!
YIKES!
YEOW!
YII!
BOTHERED BY MONSTERS?
NOT TO WORRY.
OUR HIGHLY SKILLED PROFESSIONAL STAFF
IS EQUIPPED TO HANDLE ANY SUPERNATURAL EMERGENCY
USING ONLY THE MOST ADVANCED TECHNIQUES.
MY ASSOCIATE SHALL NOW DEMONSTRATE.
MY STARS, WHERE DID YOU EVER GET THAT AWFUL HAIRDO?
IT DOESN'T BECOME YOU AT ALL.
HERE. FOR GOODNESS SAKE,
LET ME FIX IT UP.
LOOK HOW STRINGY AND MESSY IT IS.
WHAT A SHAME.
SUCH AN INTERESTING MONSTER, TOO.
MY STARS, IF AN INTERESTING MONSTER
CAN'T HAVE AN INTERESTING HAIRDO,
THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT THINGS ARE COMING TO.
IN MY BUSINESS, YOU MEET SO MANY INTERESTING PEOPLE.
BOBBY PINS, PLEASE.
BUT THE MOST INTERESTING ONES ARE THE MONSTERS.
OH, DEAR. THAT WILL NEVER STAY.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO HAVE A PERMANAMANENT.
I'VE GOT TO GIVE AN INTERESTING OLD LADY A MANICURE,
BUT I'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU'RE DONE.
SO FOLKS...
CALL DAFFY DUCK, BUGS BUNNY, AND PORKY PIG,
PARANORMALISTS AT LARGE.
JUST CALL 555-5925.
REMEMBER, THAT'S THE SAME AS DIALING
555-KWAK.
DAFFY DUCK. ANYTHING FOR A BUCK.
MR. DUCK, I SEEM TO BE HAVING TROUBLE
WITH MY KITCHEN APPLIANCES.
LISTEN, LADY, THIS AIN'T NO ELECTRICIAN'S.
WELL, IT ISN'T QUITE THAT KIND OF TROUBLE.
YOUR AD SAYS "PARANORMAL EXPERT" AND--
OH, MONSTERS IN THE MICROWAVE,
BATS IN THE BLENDER? NO PROBLEM.
JUST SLIP INTO SOMETHING OUT OF THIS WORLD,
AND I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.
A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS,
AND IN A SWANKY PART OF TOWN.
OK. SO WHERE'S THE FIRE?
IT'S IN THE OVEN, I PRESUME.
WHOOPS!
MY MISTAKE.
NOTHING A LITTLE OOZY-OFF COULDN'T FIX.
HMM...MUST BE THE FROST-FREE KIND.
WHEW! I COULD USE SOME LIQUID REFRESHMENT.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR GLASSES?
THEY'RE IN THE CUPBOARD.
HMM. IT'S GETTING A LITTLE CROWDED IN HERE.
WHAT SAY WE MOSEY ON
INTO SOMEPLACE MORE COZY AND TALK THINGS OVER?
SO, UH, YOU HAVE THESE TUPPERWARE PARTIES OFTEN?
OH, DAFFY. YOU'RE SO WITTY.
YES, I AM WITTY AT THAT.
HOW PERCEPTIVE OF YOU TO NOTICE.
OH, DAFFY. I'M SO SCARED,
AND IT'S SO COMFORTING TO HAVE A SHORT, DARK,
HANDSOME DUCK TO PROTECT ME.
YOU WILL HELP ME, WON'T YOU?
SURE, SWEETUMS. IT'S IN THE BAG.
WITH A LITTLE COOPERATION AND THE PROPER SETTING,
WE COULD HOLD HANDS AND HAVE A SEANCE.
HANDY THINGS, THESE SEANCES.
I DON'T KNOW MY OWN STRENGTH.
COME ON DOWN TO PAPA.
OH! BIG, STRONG DADDY-WADDY
GOING TO PROTECT WITTLE, ITTY-BITTY ME?
BROTHER! NOT ANOTHER SCHIZOPHRENIC DAME.
HEY, SYBIL, ANY MORE LIKE YOU IN THE FAMILY?
COULD YOU SEND BACK YOUR OLDER SISTER?
OUYAY UPIDSTAY ERKJAY!
I THOUGHT FRENCH WAS ROMANTIC.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB--
BUT I ATE IT!
SO, MEIN FRAULEIN, WHEN DID YOU START HEARING THESE VOICES?
WAS IT SOMETHING IN YOUR CHILDHOOD PERHAPS,
VERY DEEP IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND?
SEARCH YOUR MEMORY.
YOU'RE BLOCKING.
[WILD ANIMAL SOUNDS]
THIS IS A LITTLE OVER MY HEAD.
HERE WE ARE-- "HOW TO EXORCISE."
IF THIS DOESN'T GET HER, NOTHING WILL.
1 AND 2
AND 3 AND 4.
UH, 1 AND 2
AND 3 AND 4.
OOPS.
MY ERROR.
AH, HERE IT IS.
THE REAL McCOY.
"OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE IN THE EXORCISM OF SPIRITS
IS TO KEEP THEM AMUSED."
KEEP THEM AMUSED, HUH?
I'LL SLAY 'EM.
GUY TOLD HE HADN'T HAD A BITE IN WEEKS,
SO I BIT HIM.
[DRUM ROLL]
HOWDY, STRANGER.
JUST FLEW IN FROM ANOTHER WORLD, HUH?
I'LL BET YOUR ARMS ARE TIRED.
[RIM SHOT]
THEY DON'T SEEM ALL THAT AMUSED.
MAYBE IT'S A CULTURE GAP.
I'LL TRY SOMETHING CLOSER TO HOME.
HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE GIRL
WHO DIDN'T PAY HER EXORCIST?
HER SOUL GOT REPOSSESSED.
[DRUM ROLL]
WHAT?
WHO?
HUH?
WHY, I FEEL LIKE MY OLD SELF AGAIN.
NOTHING TO IT FOR ONE OF MY SOPHISTICATED WIT.
UH-OH!
HOO HOO HOO!
THAT TICKLES.
OH, MY HERO.
Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, Y'HEAR!
WHEW!
WHAT A FIASCO.
HOUSE CALLS ARE DEFINITELY HAZARDOUS TO MY HEALTH.
CUBISH.
LET'S SEE WHAT MY NEMESIS HAS BEEN UP TO
IN MY ABSENCE.
YEOW!
THE MONEY SUPPLY IS DWINDLING.
I'M DOWN TO MY LAST MILLION.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
YES, PLEASE, ANYTHING.
P-P-PORKY PIG REPORTING FOR DUTY,
O N-NOBLE LEADER.
OH, IT'S YOU.
SO WHAT'S THE STORY?
ANY GHOULS IN THEM THERE HILLS?
S-S-SORRY, SIR. A PERFECTLY UNEVENTFUL TRIP,
EXCEPT FOR THIS T-TERRIBLE HEADACHE.
I GUESS I'M NOT USED TO THE BR-BR-BRISK DESERT CLIMATE.
WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING SCREWY GOING ON AROUND THERE.
I'VE BEEN GETTING LOTS OF CALLS ABOUT SUSPICIOUS-LIKE ACTIVITY.
HEAD ON DOWN TO THE SUPERSTITION MOUNTAINS
AND DO SOME MORE SNOOPING.
YOU'RE BOUND TO FIND SOME RICH NUT
SUPERSTITIOUS ENOUGH TO PAY US ROYALLY FOR OUR SERVICES.
BOLDLY GO WHERE NO PIG HAS GONE BEFORE.
GR-GR-GREAT NEWS, SYLVESTER.
WE-WE-WE'RE OFF TO THE SUPERSTITION MOUNTAINS.
BILLS, BILLS, BILLS.
IT'S POSITIVELY STULTIFYING.
BUT I DON'T MIND PAYING THEM.
NICE BILLS. GOOD BILLS.
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM.
SOME RICH SUCKER FOR THE SUPERNATURAL
BETTER MATERIALIZE SOON.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
DAFFY DUCK, PARANORMALIST PAR EXCELLENCE.
THIS IS A PERSON-TO-PERSON CALL TO MR. DAFFY DUCK
FROM OUTER TRANSYLVANIA. GO AHEAD.
I WANT TO BITE YOUR NECK.
NO, NO! DON'T DRIVE THAT WOODEN STAKE THROUGH MY HEART!
HA HA HA HA!
TRANSYLVANIA? YECCH!
WHAT A GRUESOME ASSIGNATION.
STILL, SOMEBODY'S GOT TO GO THERE.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO LEAVE ANY STONE UNTURNED.
AH! I GOT IT.
I'LL STICK THE NASTY JOB ON THAT UNDEREMPLOYED RABBIT.
AFTER ALL, I DID PROMISE HIM TRAVEL OPPORTUNITIES.
GO AHEAD. IT'S YOUR QUARTER.
GUESS WHAT.
I PULLED A FEW STRINGS,
SLICED THROUGH SOME RED TAPE AND--
I'M GOING TO PALM SPRINGS?
WELL, NOT PALM SPRINGS EXACTLY,
BUT SOMEPLACE EVEN BALMIER--
SCENIC TRANSYLVANIA,
TOURIST SPOT OF THE WESTERN WORLD.
I HEAR IT'S SIMPLY BREATHTAKING
THIS TIME OF YEAR.
CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE THERE.
WE'LL MAP OUT YOUR STRATEGY.
WOW! WHAT A BELT.
THESE TRANSYLVANIAN HARDWOODS AIN'T TOO SOFT.
WHO IS THAT DELICIOUS YOUNG CREATURE, EMILY?
UH-OH. UH, GOOD MORNING, LADIES--
UH, LADY.
COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO THE NEAREST TELEOPHONE?
DOESN'T HE LOOK SWEET AND CRUNCHY, AGATHA?
OH, WELL, NEVER MIND.
I'LL JUST CHECK AT THAT MOTEL.
THEY DON'T MAKE PLACES LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
BE A WONDERFUL PLACE FOR A VACATION.
[BELLS CHIME]
SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, SIR.
I'D LIKE TO USE YOUR TELEOPHONE.
I KNOW IT'S LATE, BUT--
NO. NO!
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.
COME IN.
YEAH. WELL...
I JUST WANT TO CALL MY PARTNER IN THE USA
TO TELL HIM I'VE ARRIVED IN YOUR CHARMING COUNTRY.
BOY, KEEN-LOOKING LOBBY THEY GOT HERE.
UH, TELEPHONES.
TELEPHONES.
WHY DO HOTELS ALWAYS HIDE THEIR TELEPHONE...
BOOTHS?
OH, UH, YEAH.
YOU MUST BE THE HEAD WAITER.
COUNT BLOODCOUNT AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR.
YEAH.
WELL, LOOK, UH...CON,
ABOUT THOSE TELEPHONES...
TELEPHONES?
UM...OH, YES.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
SAY, NICE LITTLE PLANT YOU'VE GOT HERE, DOC.
INTERESTING DECOR.
HOMEY, COMFORTABLE.
NICE RECREATIONAL FACILITIES.
NOTHING LIKE FAMILY PORTRAITS TO BRIGHTEN UP A PLACE.
THIS IS YOUR ROOM.
YEAH. SURE, DOC,
BUT I DON'T WANT A ROOM.
I JUST WANT A TELEPHONE.
REST FIRST.
TELEPHONE TOMORROW.
REST IS GOOD FOR THE BLOOD.
WELL, I AM A LITTLE FATIGUED.
GOODBYE, LITTLE FRIEND.
I MEAN...
GOOD NIGHT.
ASLEEP YET?
NO.
WELL...RING IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
POP, CYANIDE, ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
SAME OLD PROBLEM.
I JUST CAN'T SLEEP IN A STRANGE BED,
NO MATTER HOW NICE THE PLACE IS.
HEY, THAT'S WHAT I NEED--
SOMETHING TO READ.
HMM...
"MAGIC WORDS AND PHRASES."
SOUNDS INTERESTING.
YEAH.
HMM..."MAGIC CAN BE PERFORMED
"EITHER BY POTIONS
"OR BY THE USE OF MAGIC WORDS AND PHRASES.
"AMONG THE MOST POWERFUL OF THESE
"IS THE WORD...
"ABA...
ABRACADABRA."
YEAH. WELL...
OH, SURE IT IS.
SICK HUMOR.
IT IS TO LAUGH.
"MAGIC WORDS."
GOLLY, WHAT BIG MOSQUITOES THEY DO HAVE AROUND HERE.
HOLD STILL, YOU LITTLE DEVIL.
THERE.
"ANOTHER HIGHLY USEFUL MAGIC WORD
IS HOCUS-POCUS."
ANYONE WE KNOW, AGATHA?
NO.
SPLENDID-LOOKING SPECIMEN THOUGH.
BOY, I HOPE THE RESTAURANT'S STILL OPEN.
I HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE I LEFT CUCAMONGA.
¶ LA DA DEE DEE ¶
¶ DA DA LA DA DA-DA DA-DA ¶
¶ DA ABRACADABRA ¶
ANOTHER ONE?
THEY OUGHT TO SCREEN THIS PLACE.
¶ LA DA DEE DEE DA DA ¶
¶ LA-DA DA-DA DA-DA DA HOCUS-POCUS ¶
I AM A VAMPIRE.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, ABRACADABRA.
I'M AN UMPIRE.
HOCUS-POCUS.
I AM A BAT.
OK. I'M A BAT, TOO.
ABRACADABRA.
YOU WOULDN'T HIT A BAT
WITH GLASSES ON, WOULD YOU?
HOCUS-POCUS!
NOW I CRUSH YOU.
ABRACADABRA!
HOCUS...
POCUS.
ABRACADABRA.
HOCUS...
POCUS.
ABRACADABRA!
ABRACAPOCUS.
HMM, UH...HOCUS-CADABRA.
NEWPORT NEWS.
WOW. I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.
WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON.
OH, UH...
GIRLS!
EMILY, LOOK.
IT'S OUR LITTLE FRIEND.
LOOK, EMILY.
ISN'T IT ROMANTIC?
I ALWAYS SAID FOUR HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
WELL, A TELEPHONE.
AT LAST.
HELLO, OPERATOR?
COULD YOU PLEASE CONNECT ME
WITH A CERTAIN MR. DAFFY DUCK
IN NEW YORK CITY, USA?
¶ LA DEE DEE-DEE DEE ABRACAPOCUS ¶
SO WHAT'S THE BAD WORD?
ANYTHING INEXPLICABLE TO WRITE HOME ABOUT?
NOTHING SPECIAL.
I DID MANAGE TO BRING TOGETHER TWO LOVELY COUPLES
WITH A LOT IN COMMON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE RUNNING,
A MATRIMONIAL AGENCY?
JUST LIKE THAT RABBIT.
THE COMPANY'S CRASHING AROUND ME,
AND HE GETS SENTIMENTAL.
UH, LET'S SEE NOW. LET'S SEE.
FORM A62B.
I CAN DEDUCT 30 THOU
BECAUSE OF MY WINNING PERSONALITY--
BUT WAIT.
SINCE I WAS BORN IN A MONTH WITH AN "R" IN IT,
I CAN WRITE OFF THIS, SUBTRACT THAT,
UH...CARRY THE 1 AND, UH...
THESE NEW SIMPLIFIED TAX FORMS
ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!
SETBACKS,
SETBACKS.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
AH, I GOT IT.
I'LL CLAIM MY DECEASED UNCLE ROBESPIERRE DUCK
AS A DEPENDENT.
WHAT THE IRS DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT THEM.
THERE'S NOTHING SIMPLER THAN JUGGLING THE BOOKS.
AW, COME ON. I LIKE TO JUGGLE BOOKS.
IT'S GOOD, CLEAN, HARMLESS FUN.
SEE? JUGGLING.
IT'S MY HOBBY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
UH...UH, HELLO?
HIMALAYAS. GIANT MONSTER!
RUNNING AMUCK!
RUINING TOURIST TRADE!
COME QUICK!
HELP!
THE HIMALAYAS.
DUTY CALLS.
I'LL HOP DOWN THERE,
MAKE SHORT ORDER OF THIS BIGFOOT THING,
AND THEY'LL GENEROUSLY REWARD ME
WITH TIBETAN BEADS AND TRINKETS.
BUT YOU KNOW, GIANT MONSTERS
AREN'T EXACTLY MY FORTE.
I COULD USE A FRONT MAN
TO TAKE SOME OF THE LUMPS.
SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER MENIAL TASK
FOR THAT DUMB BUNNY.
TRANSYLVANIA, TRANSYLVANIA.
WHERE IS THAT STUPID NUMBER?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING RING]
YES?
HELLO, BUGS?
DAFFY HERE.
HOW'S ABOUT A NICE EXECUTIVE JUNKET TO--
NO, NOT PALM SPRINGS!
TO THE RUGGED HIMALAYAS.
SEEMS THE LOCAL YOKELS
HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOME GIANT.
PROBABLY SOME NATIVE SUPERSTITION.
HERE WE ARE. THE HIMALAYAS.
WHAT A WAY FOR A DUCK TO TRAVEL--UNDERGROUND.
CRIMINITLIES. IT'S COLD.
GOOD THING I PACKED MY WINTER WARDROBE.
I DON'T SEE ANY GIANT.
I DON'T EVEN SEE ANY HIMALAYANS.
YOU KNOW, IF WE JUST REROUTE THROUGH ALBUQUERQUE,
WE COULD HIT PALM SPRINGS BY THIS AFTERNOON.
YOU AND YOUR ONE-TRACK MIND.
FIRST THINGS FIRST, BUSTER.
THERE'S STILL A LITTLE MATTER OF THIS GIANT.
GUESS I'LL BACKTRACK A BIT.
I MUST'VE MISSED SOMETHING ON THE WAY.
ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S HOLDING UP THE WORKS?
WHAT'S ALL THE--THE...
AAH!
OOH, WHAT A CUTE, LITTLE PINK BUNNY RABBIT.
JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED,
MY OWN LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT.
I WILL NAME HIM GEORGE,
AND I WILL HUG HIM AND PET HIM
AND SQUEEZE HIM.
I'M NOT A RABBIT.
AND PAT HIM AND PET HIM.
YOU'RE HURTING ME. PUT ME DOWN, PLEASE.
AND RUB HIM AND--
I AIN'T NO BUNNY RABBIT!
NOT A BUNNY RABBIT, GEORGE?
THEN HOW COME YOU HAVE LONG EARS, HOW COME?
LONG EARS? OH.
THOSE AREN'T EARS. THOSE ARE SLEEVES.
SO NOW PUT ME DOWN, PLEASE.
GEORGE, YOU WERE NAUGHTY
TO PRETEND YOU WAS A BUNNY RABBIT.
I WILL PUNISH YOU GOOD.
BAD OLD GEORGE.
UH, L-LOOK, DOC,
I KNOW WHERE THERE'S A REAL BUNNY RABBIT,
A VERY CUDDLY RABBIT.
AND THEN AFTER A CARROT BURGER AND A MALT
IN ALBUQUERQUE...
OH, BUGSY.
BUGSY BUDDY.
OH, HI. WHAT'S UP, DUCK?
COME HERE, OLD PAL, HMM?
MY OWN LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT.
DUH.
HEY, AN ABOMINABUBBLE SNOWMAN.
I WILL NAME HIM GEORGE.
I WILL HUG HIM AND PET HIM...
I KNOW I'M A LOUSE,
BUT I'M A LIVE LOUSE.
I WILL GIVE HIM SECURITY.
I WILL KEEP HIM WARM LIKE A MOTHER HEN
SO HE WILL NEVER FEEL REJECTED.
POOR BUGS. ANY WAY YOU LOOK AT IT,
IT'S BETTER HE SHOULD SUFFER.
AFTER ALL, IT WAS ME OR HIM.
OBVIOUSLY, IT COULDN'T BE ME.
I'M NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE.
I CAN'T STAND PAIN.
IT HURTS ME.
OK, ABOM, HERE'S YOUR BUNNY RABBIT.
DUH, BUNNY RABBIT, GEORGE?
BUNNY RABBIT? ME?
YES, YOU, DOC.
HO HO. VERY FUNNY.
HA HA. VERY DROLL.
HEY, SHORTY, WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER
TO BE THE DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS
OF A RABBIT?
DUH...DISTINGUISHING CHARACT--
WHAT MAKES A RABBIT LOOK LIKE A RABBIT?
WHY, ER, UH, DUH...
LONG EARS.
AND WHOM AROUND HERE HAS LONG EARS?
SORRY TO HAVE TO DO THIS TO YOU, BUD.
EH, DON'T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT.
OH, BOY, JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED--
MY OWN BUNNY RABBIT.
THEY REALLY DO MAKE A CHARMING COUPLE.
...PET HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM
AND STROKE HIS BILL
AND RUB HIS PRETTY FEATHERS AND--
HEY.
WAIT A MINUTE.
BUNNY RABBITS DON'T HAVE FEATHERS AND BILLS.
I KNOW.
THERE GOES YOUR BUNNY RABBIT.
HEY, UH, DUH,
GEORGE, WAIT.
HO HO, LOOK OUT, BUNNY RABBIT.
THIS I GOT TO SEE.
AND I SEARCHED, AND I SEARCHED.
HOO, IT'S HOT.
BUT I NEVER CAUGHT UP
WITH MY LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT.
GEE, THAT'S TOUGH, MR. ABDOMINABUBBLE.
AND NOW I'LL NEVER--
GOSH, IT'S HOT--
NEVER SEE MY BUNNY RABBIT AGAIN.
DON'T GIVE UP HOPE YET.
IF YOU LOVE HIM, HE'LL COME BACK.
WELL, HERE I AM. MASSACRE STARTED YET?
FIREWORKS GONE OFF? BALLOON GONE UP?
DUH, OH, BOY.
A BUNNY RABBIT.
JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED.
I WILL NAME HIM GEORGE.
AND I WILL HUG HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM
AND PET HIM AND PAT HIM AND--HEY.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
HE MELTED.
HE REALLY WAS A SNOWMAN.
ABOMINABLE, THAT IS.
AAH!
EEK!
STILL BOTHERED BY MONSTERS?
DON'T DESPAIR.
OUR COMPANY OFFERS A FINE LINE
OF MAGIC POTIONS AND UNGUENTS
GUARANTEED TO RID THE HOME
OF YOUR SUPERNATURAL PESTS.
OOPS. HERE THEY COME.
MMM.
NOT BAD.
[ROAR]
[SQUEAK]
SO CALL DAFFY DUCK, BUGS BUNNY, AND PORKY PIG,
PARANORMALISTS...
AT LARGE.
SPOOKS SPOOKED. GOBLINS GOBBLED.
UFOs K.O.ed.
ALIENS ALIENATED.
VAMPIRES EVAPORATED.
AND MONSTERS...
REMONSTRATED.
DAFFY DUCK, ACE PARANORMALIST,
AT YOUR SERVICE.
HELLO? UH, HELLO, MR. DUCK?
I WANT TO REPORT AN ELEPHANT IN MY BIRDBATH.
[WOLF WHISTLE]
I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR.
YOU SAY THERE'S AN ELEPHANT IN YOUR BIRDBATH?
UH-OH, AN OBVIOUS NUT CASE.
SO THERE'S AN ELEPHANT IN YOUR BIRDBATH.
UH-HUH.
YEAH?
WELL, HOW DOES HE FIT IN IT, SIR?
YEAH. I SEE.
THE ELEPHANT IN YOUR BIRDBATH
IS ONLY 5 1/4" TALL.
DEFINITELY NON COMPOS MENTIS.
BETTER SUMMON THE AUTHORITIES.
UH, NO. UH, UH, NO.
YOU WAIT RIGHT THERE.
SOMEBODY WILL BE COMING
TO CALL ON YOU SHORTLY.
WHAT WAS THAT ADDRESS?
112 NORTH HIGHLAND.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
PLEASE HURRY.
[JABBERING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
STEADY NOW, LAD.
EASY DOES IT.
BUT I DID.
I DID SEE AN ELEPHANT IN MY BIRDBATH.
SURE, SURE. I KNOW.
I KEEP A GIRAFFE IN MINE.
AAH!
[NNRRR]
YOU'RE LATE.
HE ALWAYS USED TO BE PINK.
MOTHER USED TO SCOLD ME WHEN I WAS 3.
SHE'D SAY,
"DOLORES, YOU'RE NOT SEEING LITTLE LAVENDER MEN
IN THE SUGAR BOWL."
BUT I DID, DOCTOR.
AND THEN WHEN I WENT TO NURSERY SCHOOL,
MY TEACHER MRS. SWANSON-- SHE WAS A SVELTE BLONDE--
WELL, SHE USED TO SPANK ME,
SPANK ME HARD, EVEN WHEN--
I THINK IT BEGAN
WHEN FATHER WOULDN'T TAKE ME TO THE CIRCUS.
SAY, THIS TEENSY ELEPHANT THING
HAS SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE.
RIGHT UP MY ALLEY.
A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO GO ON TV
AND PLACATE THE CITIZENRY.
IT CAN'T FAIL.
[DING]
I'LL SOOTHE THEIR TROUBLED BROWS
AND BE SHOWERED WITH GOODIES
BY A GRATEFUL POPULACE.
GOOD EVENING, I'M ZED TOPPEL,
AND THIS IS FRIGHTLINE.
TONIGHT... THE MINIATURE ELEPHANT.
IS IT REAL, OR IS IT MERELY A FIGMENT
OF OUR OVERACTIVE IMAGINATIONS,
A PRODUCT OF OUR TROUBLED TIMES?
OUR GUEST IS THE NOTED METAPHYSICIAN
MR. DAFFY DUCK,
WHO MAY SHED SOME LIGHT ON THIS OTHERWISE DARK CORNER
OF OUR NATIONAL OBSESSION.
YEAH. SURE. THANK YOU, ZED.
THIS SO-CALLED MINIATURE ELEPHANT
COULDN'T POSSIBLY EXIST.
NOW, I CAN ACCEPT SOMETHING PLAUSIBLE.
GHOSTS...OK.
VAMPIRES...FINE.
BUT ITSY, BITSY ELEPHANTS?
THAT'S SILLY.
THAT'S JUST STUPID!
THAT'S JUST--
[NNRRR]
YIKE!
THE INSULT! THE IGNOMINIOUSNESS!
PUBLICLY DISGRACED
ON A COAST-TO-COAST HOOKUP!
WAIT. I COULD STILL GET OUT OF THIS.
IT'S THAT TV STATION. I'LL SUE THEM.
IT'S THEIR FAULT!
NO. WAIT. I WAS SIMPLY MISINFORMED.
IT'S MY ADVISOR.
THAT PIG, THE PERFECT PATSY.
NOBODY WILL BELIEVE HIM.
HE'S A NINCOMPOOP.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
IT WAS HIS FAULT.
YEAH. WHO'S TO KNOW?
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH A LITTLE DISHONESTY IN BUSINESS AFFAIRS.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
I'M FINISHED.
STRAPPED...
KAPUT!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[KNOCK KNOCK]
AHA! IT'S THE DOOR!
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS!
HEH HEH HEH!
TELEGRAM FOR MR. DAFFY DUCK--
YUK YUK--
FROM THE CHEAPSKATE SAVINGS AND LOAN.
¶ WE'RE SORRY ¶
¶ BUT WE MUST CONFESS ¶
¶ YOUR RENT'S NOT PAID ¶
¶ YOU'RE IN A MESS ¶
IT'S AMAZING.
¶ VACATE TO A NEW ADDRESS ¶
¶ YOU CAN'T STAY HERE ¶
¶ YOU'RE DISPOSSESSED ¶
¶ GOOD EVENING, FRIENDS ¶
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
HEADS UP! MOVING MEN!
BUT HONEST AND TRULY,
THE CHECK'S IN THE MAIL.
SORRY, MAC.
[HAMMERING ON DOOR]
NOW WHAT?
ONE THING'S FOR SURE--
I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO BUT UP.
YEOW!
TOO BAD, TOO BAD.
SO MUCH TROUBLE IN THE WORLD TODAY.
HEY, UH, GARCON,
HOW ABOUT ANOTHER CARROT JUICE ON THE ROCKS?
ISN'T THIS W-W-WONDERFUL, SYLVESTER?
CAMPING WAY OUT HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE?
SO PEACEFUL AND QUIET.
[AWOO]
HEY! WH-WH-WHAT? WH-WH-WHO--WHO?
RE-RE-RELINQUISH ME,
YOU FOUL, GIBBERING FE-FELINE, YOU.
TH-TH-THAT'S JUST A LITTLE OLD SCRAGGLY COYOTE
BAYING AT THE MOON,
Y-YOU YELLOW-DOG OF A C-COWARDLY CAT.
[THUNDER]
COME AND GET 'EM, FOLKS, WHILE THEY LAST.
TRICK SPIDERS, PLASTIC BLOBS,
GHOST GOOP, GARLIC WREATHS,
AND OTHER MISCELLANEOUS SUPERNATURAL KNICKKNACKS.
WELL, HOWS ABOUT THESE SIMPLY ADORABLE WIND-UP DOLLS?
JUST $1.00 APIECE.
WHY, YES. I'LL TAKE ONE.
YOU WILL? REALLY?
GEE...THANKS.
CUBISH!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS., INC.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1989 WARNER BROS., INC.