This is ground control.
Citation Zebra-Bravo is landing on runway 3-0, right.
Police and security to full alert immediately.
Rolex watch. You know the name, now own the watch.
You little rascal, running away like that.
Are you seeing how he is running around? He is programmed to be doing that.
This, this is a highly sophisticated robot for $19.95, no tax.
Please note.
Uncle, are you wanting to buy? There's no obligation.
You can just look.
Rolex watch. You know the name, now own the watch.
The ultimate Swiss craftsmanship.
You see these fine chronometers on sale at Tiffany's...
...for $1,700.
I deal in volume.
My special price to you today, $39.95.
How you gonna beat that?
You gonna beat that? How are you gonna beat that?
How's your line moving, pal?
They are not selling like pancakes, that is for certain.
Maybe I should be selling them door-to-door?
Door-to-door? In this town? You just fall off the banana boat...
...or what?
I do not travel with bananas, sir.
I've been kicking around here for two days' time already.
Really?
-Interested in upgrading your image? -Up my image?
I am gonna let you have half of my inventory.
What would you say to that?
Look at that!
Wait, Mr. Slater, look. You haven't seen this.
You haven't seen this before. Check it out.
Look, see, they're hands. They clap.
-I know it will sell. -Sandy, we don't sell novelty items here.
Now, how many chances am I supposed to give you?
I told you I want high-tech...
...and I want it now.
For Christmas, not Easter, got it?
Yes, sir. High-tech.
I'll can the hat and keep looking.
And if you don't mind, Miss Banatoni, some of us are trying to work.
That's better.
Silence is better than Little Richard?
I can let you have these rock-bottom wholesale. You'll clean up.
That's nice, but I'm occupying myself--
But the toy robot business, it's pathetic.
They're not gonna move. Not in this town.
Excuse me, is this yours?
Yes. It is called Number Five.
It rolled past my office. Listen--
Excuse me. My friend and I were taking a meeting here.
Who are you?
Sandy Banatoni, Assistant Buyer...
...Simpson's Toy Department. Okay?
-Listen.... -Hello.
-These are great toys. -Thank you.
My boss loves it. Where did you get them?
Well, I am making them.
I am Ben Jahrvi, Titanic Toy Corporation.
Like the ship.
Sorry, I haven't heard of you. Where are you located?
Actually, I am based in that vehicle right over yonder.
Oh, no. I mean, where's your assembly plant? Your offices?
Well, you are also there. That's also my home.
You mean, you make these yourself? In there?
Yes, you see robotics is the only livelihood I am knowing.
Are you wanting to purchase one?
You see the hands, they bend like that.
We deal in volume. I couldn't possibly order...
...less than 1,000.
-1,000? -1,000.
1,000? We could do 1,000.
No perspiration, if the per unit price is attractive.
What? Who are "we"?
We could go maybe, $50 apiece?
Oh, no, I am only charging $19.95.
A day, to rent. If you want to buy them wholesale...
...we could live with $50 apiece.
Okay, maybe.
But seriously, I mean, how long before you could deliver that many?
You just want a rough estimate of how long....
Yes. 1,000 robots, well--
This is a ballpark figure, you know. We'll round it off.
They could be ready for delivery in the middle of October.
Really?
1993.
Rolex!
Get a Rolex watch.
Look, I'm sorry for wasting your time.
We're in two different worlds here.
I mean, I'd have to have them in, like, 30 days.
30 days?
I'm sorry.
Well, wait a minute.
You know, he meant with our current facilities, but we...
...could expand our operation.
You know, we can get more personnel, a larger factory.
Once we get a cash advance, we'd be in high gear.
You are saying this "we" word, sir.
My boss wouldn't give a cash advance.
All right, for Simpson's we'll forego the cash advance.
How does this sound?
We will show up at your door October 15 this year...
...with 1,000 of these. You guarantee to buy them?
$50 apiece, COD?
Okay.
Get your lawyers on the paperwork.
-We got a deal. -We got a deal. Thank you.
-Thanks. -We are making a deal.
This is most pleasant deal. Pleasing.
I'm studying with fever to become citizen...
...of your country 'tis of thee. Yes, sir.
You are appreciating my robots?
-Did you ask me a question? -Benny, merchandise is running away.
-Get back here, you are grounded! -'Bye now.
I'm going to take your batteries out. Bad boys.
First things first.
Before the first thing is a question:
Who are you and what is your name?
Fred Ritter. I'm in the entrepreneur business.
I ask financial questions like, "where's your capital?"
Washington, DC.
Right. Simple words.
How will you build all those robots by yourself with no money?
I am thinking I will contact my friends Newton and Stephanie in Montana.
Perhaps they can help me financially.
Montana? You got friends here.
I got you your big break. Tell me what you need.
Oscar, step aside.
Mr. De Ruyter, may I have a word with you?
Mr. De Ruyter, welcome to the US, and welcome to First Federal Trust.
It's an honor for all of us at the bank, and I'd like--
Might we step inside, please?
Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
Madson steel alloy.
-A-450. -Well, of course.
Built by Heimdall. Completely custom. I must say we're really...
...quite proud of it.
Gentlemen, the Vanderveer Collection.
We'll keep them here until one day before the exhibition is to open...
...at the museum.
Of course, during the day we'll have a special detail of six armed guards.
At night, they'll be augmented by 12 strategically placed...
...security personnel.
-Excellent. -I'm glad you approve.
You already owe a substantial sum, Fred.
-It's due in 30 days. -Mr. Arnold, I'm aware of that.
But it takes money to make money.
And this is a sure thing. With this, I am guaranteed in the black.
And your money, your interest is in your pocket, in full.
On time, no bullshit.
And this time, I have great collateral: 55 Rolex watches.
You know the name, now own the watch.
I know the name, Fred. And your body is your collateral.
Now...
...this doesn't change our original contract.
Absolutely not.
-You still owe me everything. -Absolutely.
In 30 days.
30 days.
This is it. Your new factory, rented just for you.
Oh, baprai! Right here?
This is why I am studying to become citizen...
...of your great country.
In one day's time only, a man can go from a mean street corner...
...like this one, to a skyscraping building like that one.
What are you talking about? Not the bank.
180, over here.
Mid-town, centrally located. Been here since 1902.
Beautiful, huh?
An historic building. Come on.
It's unbelievable, isn't it?
They're tearing it down soon, so I sweet-talked them into a short lease.
-Really? -Got it for a song. It'll work though, right?
I mean, it's got everything we need. It's got...
...walls and windows.
Phone service. All the square footage you could ask for.
Arey.
Benny, I'd like you to meet your production staff.
They're fast learners, they're hard workers.
Minimum wage.
Here's your budget for tools and parts and all that.
I promised our staff a three-course dinner.
Got my favorite table reserved at McDonald's.
Excuse me.
How are you obtaining this financial funding?
A little muscle, a whole lot of hustle.
Everybody get a watch?
I got a watch.
-You like McNuggets? -Who is he?
Trust me.
I don't believe it.
Well, this is just great!
Who the hell are they? Nobody's supposed to be here.
Slow down, Saunders.
I knew I should have stayed away from this.
So leave!
Go back to your two-bit computer scam you were doing so good.
All right.
-How much time do we need? -You gotta be kidding.
We're not past the utility lines yet.
The soil density is lower than I thought.
We'll have to shore every five feet.
There's no way we'll get to the jewels before--
How much time?
If we have to stop digging for more than five days...
...we'll never make it in time.
We have to get them out of here, or we can kiss those diamonds good-bye.
Benny, where did you get the idea for this?
No.
Split conductor cable, remember?
Before I arrived in this city, I was working in Oregon...
...for Nova Robotics.
My friend Newton Crosby and I designed and built...
...the real Number Five robot.
Unfortunately, the military got hold of him and decided to use him...
...as a weapon of death and destruction.
You were making these things for real?
And now you're making toys for a living?
Well, the real Number Five, he malfunctioned and....
Well, let us just say that we were separated from our jobs.
When you complete this robot, we will have 25.
Voila, my man.
Number 25.
24.
Excuse me, sir, but we are not open to the public. Hello. Can l--
Hey, come on now, guys!
You're jumping the gun here. Arnold said I got 29 more days.
Hey, watch the silk!
Come on, let's do it!
No, sir, please don't touch that!
No, please don't leave!
Don't forget the circuit tester.
Not the circuit tester!
Oh, now, Fred, get up! You're chicken?
You must learn to defend yourself.
But who would do this to struggling business persons...
...like us?
-I thought it was somebody I knew. -No, wait, sir!
Now we are un-employers.
We still have the robot parts and the van.
I'll get a new staff together.
But we have no more money. And now we're having no equipment.
To assemble robots with our naked hands would be slower than...
...than moles' asses in January.
Benny? You're leaving me with my back to the wall here.
We gotta come up with something!
Not possible. We're the type of people...
...who have everything going against us.
Look. How about this? How about we...
...go to the lady at Simpson's and we beg for an advance?
I mean, we go in there and we grovel. We look really pathetic.
Mountain Lion Air Freight. We got a delivery for you.
Oh, yeah?
We've had enough deliveries for one day, pal.
Mr. Benjamin Jarvee, right?
Jahrvi.
We should leave it out here or what?
Leave it out there.
It's for you. Who even knows you're here?
I have only told my friends in Montana.
I've never seen that happen before.
What the hell is this crap?
Who is caring? This crap is moving!
Hello, bozos!
Benjamin! Come here. Give me a hug.
It's so good to see you!
Number Five!
For you, from Stephanie. All-natural granola brownies.
No preservatives or additives.
That's the real one! The real Number Two!
Number Five!
Please, call me Johnny Five.
Johnny? You have taken name for yourself?
I choose many things for myself, but did not choose travelling in a box.
I choose to fly tourist class, but they say I'm cargo.
No movie, no magazine, no bag of peanuts.
What are you doing here? I am not understanding.
Listen.
" Dear Ben, we decided that the only way we could help...
" ...was to send Number Five.
" He can build your robots, but you know how...
" ...crazy he is for input, so keep an eye on him. Good luck.
" Love, Stephanie and Newton."
Benjamin, this is your home, domicile, flophouse?
Fred, Lady Luck, she is sitting in our laps today.
She is? I thought you said this thing misfunctioned on you.
That's a falsity. What really happened was...
...we were working on him and suddenly he was struck by lightning.
And from this moment on...
...he has a mind of his own. So the government tried to destroy him.
So he ran away. So now he is living with my friend in Montana...
...in a cabin, in the woods, incognito.
Input!
Hound of the Baskervilles.
I think the chauffeur did it.
He did.
Listen very carefully. I am thinking we should not tell him...
...he is in major metropolitan area.
If he is discovering he is in a city full of input...
...he will go insanely crazy.
You mean this thing runs by itself?
Thing? An object without life, a personal possession? Incorrect.
Johnny Five not a thing.
Right. What I mean, is it remote-controlled, or what?
Well, you would not believe me.
Number Five?
Johnny Five.
Johnny is a very cute name.
-I like it. -Come here. Come on.
This is my friend, Fred.
Hello, Fred.
-No, over here. -Right. Sorry.
Perhaps Fred would like a demonstration of just how...
...you'll help us out of this predicament...
...we are stuck inside of.
-Here, please assemble. -Sure.
Okay, check diagram, right.
Okay, find tread assembly, right.
Attach serve linkage to motor and solder there.
Insert tab A into slot B. Put that down there...
...and don't forget the nernies. Okay...
...and back to this, and that lower boom, and attach the screws here...
...and tighten A and B, and tighten C, D. Put the neck assembly down...
...to split wire connectors, and attach at points X and Y....
It's me! Isn't that special?
We're home free! It could build them all, right?
What is it?
And now, the next set of parts....
Completed Number 74, Benjamin.
Benjamin?
The government is divided into three trees.
Branches.
We'll return to Tarzan the Fearless after these messages.
Like I said, it's the all-new Radio Shack stereo...
...and just look at these prices! I admit it...
...I need therapy. But till I'm cured, you can save big!
So, come on, take advantage of Manic Mike's emotional problems.
I just got to sell! I can't help it. Look at me. I'm in a panic.
I'm frantic and I'm manic!
Wow, nutso.
Interesting human.
It's incredible!
They have got a robot doing all the work for them.
Operating completely unsupervised.
A totally mobile, independent robotics system!
Saunders, are they moving out or not?
Are you kidding?
What we smashed is worth nothing compared to that.
These guys must be loaded. Why are they in that building?
They probably bought it.
Okay, so we get rid of the robot.
Benjamin? Wake up call.
Up and at 'em, Benjamin. Time for recharging.
Good morning.
You have an alternative power supply?
Lithium-argon liquid battery. Good for 500 hours.
Improvement on your design. Got the bugs out.
Yes, and I'm proud of you. You removed your laser weapon.
Weapon is to kill, disassemble, make dead. Unacceptable.
You have made many modifications upon your person.
You have come a long way from a Defense Department prototype.
You betcha! It's the all-new Johnny Five. Just look at these items!
Increased memory, 500 megabytes on-line.
I come with a utility pack and gadgets for outdoor living.
Lots of Greenpeace stickers and even a Nike swoosh!
If you act now, I'll throw in for free...
...my all-new multi-frequency remote control!
You're a crazy man, huh?
There's a guy trying to sleep up here.
"I can't help it. I'm in a panic.
"I'm frantic and I'm manic!"
Fred, it is time to wake up. The early bird gets worms.
What is the time being?
-8:37 a.m. And 17 seconds. -Oh, my God.
I'm supposed to go to Simpson's to sign the papers.
Benjamin! I'll go with you. I'd love more input.
Oh no, Johnny Five, you...
...must wait here. You stay here.
There is nothing outside. It's very boring out there.
Everything you need is here.
I'll be back soon.
It is very boring out there. No input.
Boring.
Dubious. Hard to believe.
-Excuse me. -Hi. Mr. Jarvee, right?
Jahrvi, but you can call me B-E-N. I spell it Ben.
Ben, hi. So, how's it going?
Great.
This is for you.
-Ben, it looks great. -Thank you.
This looks even better than your prototype.
You can mass produce at this quality and still meet...
...our deadline?
Yes.
Great. Why don't you go down and see my secretary...
...about signing the papers?
I don't know why.
-No, I mean, you should go-- -I mean, yes.
Okay. Good, well, so good luck with the rest of them and...
...we'll be in touch.
" Please won't you be my neighbor?"
Hi, neighbor.
I've been thinking about you, and I thought you...
...might like to see Hisher Boot-trunk.
Hisher is a ventriloquist's dummy.
He isn't alive. I'm alive.
I'm a human being like you.
Hisher is made of papier-mache and wood...
...and except for pretend, Hisher doesn't have feelings.
I have feelings.
I have skin and bones....
Hey, gently with the shirt. That's my Bisana.
It's a $190 shirt. I got it for $45.50 off the truck.
You want to hand me the Labatts?
Sure.
I wouldn't want you to strain yourself.
Can you say "thank you"?
Why don't you see if you can hunt up some more of those cashew nuts?
There's somebody at the door.
Wash his socks, iron his shirts....
Just like animals in a jungle, I swear to God.
The people in this city, it's like back-to-the-trees time.
City?
I am in a city?
I didn't say that.
This is actually no place at all.
You shouldn't waste your time.
There's really nothing to see out there.
I mean, well, you can see for yourself. It's pretty dull, actually.
It's not much of a place to see, really, is it?
Major metropolis!
Come on, now. We got toys to make.
Was not told I was in a city. Why?
Look, just get back to work!
You're ordering me?
I'm not Slave-O-Matic. I'm Johnny Five. I'm alive.
And my Aunt Bertha is a toaster oven. Come on, get to work!
I've never seen a city. Time for sightseeing.
Sightseeing? You don't need to sightsee.
Excuse me.
Input. Megabytes of input.
Watch your toes.
Look at this place. It's amazing!
It's like Montana, only vertical.
Buildings, skyscrapers, urban habitats. I am impressed.
Mobile human.
Woman carrying a dead animal.
Outdoor plumbing.
Oh, my.
Must be Candid Camera!
It must take batteries or something, you know?
Hot dogs!
Pork snouts, nitrates, red dye number five.
Hello, there, pedestrians, city dwellers, young urban professionals.
Nice place you got here.
Human porcupines.
Smile!
What's going on?
Keep your eye on it.
Okay, red to black, red to black. Red card.
Everybody can play, okay? Winners all the time.
Here we go. Red to black, red to black. Red card.
-Okay, pick that card up. -That one. I win.
What the hell am I looking at here?
Look, it's a droid.
Kiss off, you bug-eyed geek. Come on!
-I did not win? -Who's running this thing?
Get this ugly mother out of my face!
Well, excuse me for living.
Los Locos kick your ass! Los Locos kick your face!
Los Locos kick your balls into outer space!
That thing ain't gonna work on this lock, sucker.
Push on the window. Push, man!
I'll unlock it.
It's a droid!
-Is he a cop, man? -No, man, I seen that shit before.
I seen it too. It's a Mitsubishi!
Not Mitsubishi. I'm Johnny Five.
He's talking, man.
Sure, they all do that, man. Hey, what are you doing here?
I'm sightseeing, but many people are angry.
Why?
Is that your car, man? You're looking out for it?
No.
Come on.
-Are you angry, too? -No, man.
I want to be your friend. Listen, you can open any car you want?
Sure.
You want to help us out?
We got this big job, you know, where we go around looking...
...for old car stereos that need to be, like, polished up...
...and repaired and stuff, and that's what we do.
And then we put them back in the cars and everybody is happy.
We work for the Department of Car Stereo Repair, right?
And we're really overworked.
We got too many cars to do today. See all those cars?
We have to do all those cars or we don't even get to go home...
...to see our families and little babies and stuff.
-Is it doing it? -I don't see nothing.
I think it split, man.
I got radios! I got stereos! I got tape decks and CDs!
Everything you need for car systems at low prices!
"I can't help it. Look at me. I'm in a panic.
"I'm frantic and I'm...
"...manic!"
Arriba!
Arriba! Andale! Hola, dude.
Check it out, man. Pretty nice, eh?
Por favor, need assistance to find Benjamin and Frederick.
135 West Lafayette Boulevard. Usted comprende amigo?
That's right across the street.
Muchas gracias.
What is this, some type of stunt? A joke?
No humor is involved.
Collecting mucho input. Urban input.
Be careful!
Be careful. You really should cross at the crosswalk.
-You lost Number Johnny Five? -Hold it.
You stop backing up, you untrustworthy person.
Now, get up!
I did not lose him, first of all. He just ran out.
He went ape.
My friends trusted me and I lowered them down.
-Your friends? -This is a major screw-up!
Your friends? What about me? What about this business?
Excuse me. I...
...I found this machine across the street.
Number Johnny Five!
Am I not telling you not to go outside of the doors?
Outside of doors is city. Awesome input. You did not tell me.
You have been vandalized all over yourself.
No, decorations. Multicolored petroleum by-products.
Los Locos kick your ass! Los Locos kick your face!
Los Locos kick your balls into outer space!
Number Johnny Five!
Come on. I will clean you up.
If you had a mouth, I'd wash it out with soap.
But, I....
You really saved our bacon there. Thanks a lot.
That thing is remarkable! Is it yours?
Yes, there's only one of them and we've got it.
We're using it to build this fine line of quality toys.
-Hey, that's very nice. -Isn't that cute?
My name is Oscar Baldwin.
I work at the bank.
I thought this building had been vacated.
Maybe you'd like to join the Neighborhood Merchants Association.
Well--
I happen to be the Membership Committee chairman.
We're on a short-term lease. We'll be gone in a month.
You have removed 57 car stereos?
From automobiles?
What?
You were out ripping stuff off?
Not ripping, unscrewing. I helped my friends:
The Department of Car Stereo Repair.
Dummy, you were boosting car stereos!
It was stealing, okay? You were stealing!
-You got fingerprints? -No, he doesn't.
Stealing? To take property without permission, unlawfully?
But they said it's their job. They'll put them back!
No, they scammed you, see? They tricked your ass.
I've got more brains in my nostril than he's got...
...in his whole erector set.
I was tricked? Flimflammed? Hornswoggled?
You see, this is not the countryside. This is the city-side.
There are many people here, and people, they are very complicated.
I know. I've spent my entire lifetime as one...
...and still I do not understand them.
Now, please, will you stay inside?
Okay.
Okay, thank you.
-Let's go, Saunders. -God, I think I'm allergic to this stuff.
Come on.
The key is in the ignition.
-Get it! The key! -I got it!
"Dear Stephanie, the toys are almost done. The city is nice...
"...but people here get angry easily.
"Maybe they need more fiber in their diet. Or maybe it's just me.
"Love, Johnny.
"P.S. Enclosed is something called a chilidog."
Masks?
Disguises? Excuse me, gentlemen. Our showroom closes at 6:00.
Let's get that craphead.
Have a seat, gentlemen.
Why are you angry? Why try to disassemble Johnny Five?
Bad humans!
Please allow me to demonstrate the law of centrifugal force.
Please return your seatbacks and tray tables...
...to their full, upright positions in preparation for landing.
"Robot ejects prowlers. Film at 11 p.m."
To the moon, Alice.
Who are these masked men and what do they want?
Does everybody get treated this way?
Now we have to get a security system.
Security system? Sure.
" R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"That is what I'd like for me
-"R-E-S-P-E-C-T" -Lower your volume.
I cannot hear myself forgetting what I am studying.
It makes me unable even to remember the name of Warren G. Harding.
Harding?
Johnny.
Hi, Oscar.
I thought this would interest you.
-Sightseeing tips! -Lots of input.
Oscar, thank you.
And I'll read it again later.
-I found one for you. -Great.
-Got it? -Yep.
Hello, there.
I just thought I'd drop off that application for you.
Thanks. I'll get to it right away.
What's he doing, anyway?
Making homemade contraption to protect my friends.
Let me ask you something. How does that thing work?
Do you run it by remote control?
No, you just talk to it.
Absolutely amazing.
I know about computers and we'd expect to pay no less than...
...$500,000 for something like him.
Johnny Five total value:
$11,002,076.17.
$11,000,000, you see? And well worth it!
Capable of doing anything, and a marvellous personality to boot.
Thank you, Oscar. Adios.
I like Oscar. He's friendly. And he treats me with "R-E-S-P-E-C-T."
"Sock it to me, sock it to me"
Amendment 2, right to have bare arms--
-All right, what's the deal here? -What?
I'm talking about a robot worth $11,000,000 bucks?
So?
So, Benny:
Why are we killing ourselves making toys for a lousy $50,000?
-Why don't we sell the big one? -What? This is not possible.
For very personal reasons.
Number Johnny Five cannot be sold in any way howsoever.
Am I making myself completely transparent to you?
Transparent as hell.
Out of all the partners I could have picked, I get the one that doesn't wanna be rich.
Of course, if everybody was rich, then everybody would have a Bisana.
Benny, grab your jacket. I'm taking you to lunch.
-I've been thinking about Sandy. -You have?
And how she's got your jeans steaming.
-That's not true. -Listen.
It's a surprise, the kind of guys they go for.
You'd think it'd be someone like me, right? No hope.
It always some guy just like you. I swear.
But she isn't recognizing me when she is seeing me.
Hey, I'm telling you.
You know what you gotta do? You gotta break it up...
...with a little small talk, you know? Small talk?
You start out by talking about the weather.
Then you move on to complimenting her shoes or her earrings.
Then you move onto something more personal, you know?
Tell her you find yourself fascinated by her hypnotic blue eyes.
I paid yesterday. Bill is picking it up today.
-Who? -Hey, Bill. How you doing?
Good game. Great game.
-Hi, Bill. -Fine young athlete.
I'm with him.
Hypnotic blue eyes.
That sounds good.
That sounds good. You're on a roll.
-Yes. -You know what I'd do?
-What? -I'd go see Sandy today.
-Today? -Absolutely.
Right after lunch. I'm not that hungry myself.
I can go take care of the store. You go for the groceries.
-I'll cover for you. Go for it. -You think so?
Absolutely.
Thank you, Fred. Sandy Banatoni.
Come on, J. Five. I got some people that are dying to meet you.
Frederick, I have an important question. Why do humans not like me?
Call me "craphead"?
They like you. Craphead is a compliment.
Check it out! Major input!
Frederick, wait here. I'll be right back after these words.
Input, input!
No!
Input!
Watch out!
Input! Treasure Island, Origin of the Species.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex.
Five?
More!
Fabulous!
That was good. I like that one. That one, too.
Boring. The movie was better.
These two are wonderful.
Five, what are you doing? You're gonna get us busted here!
Frederick, I must read these two books very carefully.
Two excellent books. May I have these, craphead?
Five! Come on, we gotta go.
-But, Fred, l-- -Do you see those two guys down there?
They wanna take your books away.
Nice going, ace.
-Read any good books lately? -Yes. I covered many great subjects.
Philosophy, art, religion, aerobics.
But, Frederick, there are so many more.
I could be done in 35 minutes.
-Can't we just-- -Give me a break.
-I got you some input, didn't I? -But, l--
Now you do something for me!
-Okay. -And watch the shirt.
-Silk. -Damn right.
From the Bombyx mori moth caterpillar, or silkworm.
I don't care! Come on, we're gonna be late.
This is far too risky. I mean, broad daylight.
All of them are gone. It's the only chance we'll get.
We'll be out of here in under two minutes.
I used to do this for a living. It'll be a controlled fire.
Ladies and gentlemen, please...
...direct your attention to the persons...
...attempting illegal entry here at 135...
...West Lafayette Boulevard. They are criminals...
...thugs, bad dudes, desperados.
So get the police, the Lone Ranger, Dirty Harry, Mean Joe Green...
...the Green Berets, the Green Hornet.
No, it can't be.
The Nova project was scrapped and the robots were destroyed.
I'm telling you, it's a Nova robot.
Follow the red card. Winners all the time.
Everybody is a winner. Follow the red card.
Red to black.
Follow the red card, not the black card.
Here it is. Step right up. Take a chance. Place a bet.
It's just that me and Ben Jahrvi, we've got--
Ben Jahrvi?
Ben Jahrvi, wasn't he with Nova Robotics?
He was Newton Crosby's partner.
Whatever happened to those guys?
They were supposed to be such hotshot engineers.
Incredible adaptability.
It's a breakthrough in artificial intelligence.
-Hi. -Very impressive, Mr.--
Ritter, Fred Ritter. Nice to meet you.
Ritter, huh? You say it's not remote controlled...
...but how can you get...
...such a range of abilities?
Corporate secrets which I will explain in detail...
...once we have a sale. That is, if you're interested.
Well, yes, of course, we are interested.
Sale. Contract by which ownership of property is transferred.
What property is for sale?
Well, you, I hope.
Fred wants to sell me?
-Come on, it's just a figure of speech. -Am not property, Frederick.
One whose person is under control of another as master, is a slave.
That's all we need, a robot who's into equal rights.
Five, if you blow this, I'll pull your head off. I swear to God I will.
But they cannot purchase me. Cannot. I am alive!
I am endowed by my creator with certain inalienable rights!
Falling 32 feet per second. Unacceptable.
Better hurry before I make a big hit on Broadway.
Steady, watch the trim.
It's great up here.
No problems.
Look up there.
-What is that? Look at that thing! -Some kind of a bird!
No, it's a hang glider!
I wish I were a bird.
Me, Chrome-Breasted Input Eater.
Dream on, Johnny. Landing area, 6:00.
Beginning final approach.
What's this?
Aesthetic input. Sculpture. Modern art.
An early Brancusi?
Please, darling, it is a Hankoff. It's gaunt, angular...
...repulsive.
What do you think, Mr. Slater? We can call it Funny Fingers.
Sandy....
Now, you've been with us how long? Two months?
You still haven't found one item I'd consider carrying.
The robots, sir. I found those.
Where are they? You're dealing with a street hustler.
-Come on, Sandy. Get with it! -He's not street hustler.
He's a robotics engineer. He worked for the government.
He's very businesslike. A total professional.
Pardon.
Delivery boy.
-That was my boss. -Sorry.
Listen, Ben. What's going on with those robots?
We're getting close to the deadline.
Well, we are manufacturing them like gangbangers.
Busters. Gangbusters.
Busters.
Okay, good. Totally professional.
I knew I could count on you.
I can count on you, can't I?
Sandy, that pogo stick guy is waiting for you upstairs.
I gotta run. Contact me as soon as the complete shipment is ready.
Hold this. Thank you. Sandy?
Excuse me.
It is time to tell you something which is very important.
I have a need to explain.
Oh, God. There's a problem, isn't there?
You won't be able to make the robots on time?
I knew it.
Slater tells us, "Don't take chances."
So I don't. Then I take a chance and then....
-He'll fire me. -No, everything is okay.
This is not my current discussion of topic.
Ben, then, what is?
Well....
I am wishing to say there is a...
...great deal of weather today.
I say, you know, you have attractive shoes and earrings.
Thank you.
I am fascinated by your hypnotic blue eyes.
I mean, brown.
They're brown.
-Ben-- -It is a small talk, chat-chit to...
...to increase the relationship with--
Ben, you don't have to make small talk.
We're already in business. What you have to make...
...are those damn little robots, you know?
And I really got to run, so why don't you go back to work, okay?
I shall be damn sure telling you when the robots are...
...to be completed. To damn to be sure.
Gaya yaar, sub kharaab, hogaya.
Maybe a new wardrobe would help.
60 regular.
Great fit! Fashion statement.
Mixing in with all the other living bipeds.
I'm just like you except I'm from out of town.
They're buying it.
Beautiful architecture. Edifice, Romanesque.
Can someone direct me to the answers, please?
Maybe that's where the answers are.
Hello?
Yes, my child?
Hello. Need input.
Input? Well, that's what I'm here for, son.
People dislike me. Call me droid, ugly mother.
My goodness. Well, I've been called a few names myself.
I understand it. It always hurt. We all want to be liked.
The truth is, it doesn't matter what people think of you.
It doesn't?
No. What matters is what you do, how you live...
...what the Lord thinks about you. We're all equal before Him.
All equal? Oh, but I'm different. I'm a--
No, you're not. No matter what you've done...
...you are as deserving as anyone else. You possess the immortal soul.
That makes you equal.
Soul? Yes, input from Bible, Koran, Upanishads.
Well, I lean towards the Bible myself.
I possess immortal soul?
Of course you do, my son. You're human, right?
No, I'm a machine, but I am alive.
Now, this is confession! You don't play games in the house of God!
Not games. Have questions. Need answers.
Then come to confession yourself. Don't send a machine!
You can't confess by remote control.
Now, out! Get out!
Look at that thing over there.
You think that's the who's-it that trashed the bookstore?
How many of these could there be?
All right. Fun's over.
Police officer, can you answer questions for me?
Just the facts.
Whoever's running this, this is the police.
-Come on out now. -But I am out.
Here I am.
Listen up, now! We got complaints on this thing.
Complaints? I did something wrong?
All right.
This is your last chance.
Either you come out now or we're impounding this piece of equip--
But I am not equipment.
Am passerby, man on street, average Joe.
Is this thing for real?
Sure. I'm just on my way to pick up the kids and my wife.
My wife, Morgan Fairchild.
That's the ticket.
You will book me, Danno?
I will make your day? Do not pass go? I'm underage, you know.
Okay, hold it there.
Mug shots?
-The chief said to get a photo record. -What are we supposed to do?
Jail is for human beings. They may be scum of the earth...
...but they're human beings.
But I am alive. Read my lip lights. "I think, therefore I am."
Take it down to Stolen Goods.
I am not stolen goods.
Out!
Oh, but hath not a robot eyes?
Hath not a robot hands, organs, dimensions, senses...
...affections, passions? If you prick us, do we not bleed?
Battery fluid, maybe.
Let me get this straight.
You tried to sell Number Johnny Five?
Yes, but it fell through.
So, where is he now?
I lost him.
I see.
So, you lost him? Oh, well.
Saala gandu! Lundia!
Take it easy! I just misplaced him.
Like car keys, sunglasses--
How are you misplacing a 700-pound car key?
-Don't come any closer. -You coward!
You snake in the glass!
Damn it!
-Benjamin Jarvee? -Jahrvi!
Hello.
Stolen goods warehouse?
He is looking to you like a household appliance?
Number Johnny Five!
Are you operational? Say something to me.
Hubcaps, corn dog, soul.
What is this?
He is delicate equipment.
A completely unique, self-mobile microcomputer robotics system.
We thought it was that.
-Okay, Johnny Five, you're free to go. -Okay.
What are these foolish clothings you are wearing?
Attempt to look human, fit in, belong.
Unsuccessful.
When people look at you, they see a machine...
...so they are treating you like a machine.
But this causes strange feeling, emotion. It's not good.
What emotion is this?
Feels like desert, wasteland.
Can you explain a little more explicitly, please?
Unpleasant, hollow, cold.
Is it loneliness?
Loneliness, solitude. Yes! I have read about this in many books.
Francis Bacon said, "A crowd is not company...
"...and faces are but a gallery of pictures."
Well, you are hitting the nail right between the eyes.
Anyway, you should become accustomed...
...to this feeling because this is the way life is being usually.
Since I am leaving India, I, too, am having much loneliness...
...in this lifetime.
You are having loneliness, too? But you're human.
Yes. Humans are everywhere, this is true.
But for two of these humans to get together...
...to not to be lonely, it is very well--
Complicated?
Correct. Because out of all these humans, there is only one...
...that I'm wanting to be the yin for my yang.
Which one human?
Sandy Banatoni, the human.
Every time I am being near her, the sweat in the palms...
...the duckbumps, I am so--
Like a sweaty duck.
No. Afraid.
-Afraid to be rejected. -Rejection makes you lonely?
Yes.
You see, we have much in common.
You are lonely because no one is believing you are alive and...
...I am lonely because Sandy Banatoni is not knowing I am alive.
But, Benjamin, I can help you.
No, I am completely un-helpable. I cannot be a...
...a fast-talking, socially-type person.
But in the bookstore, I scanned many megabytes...
...on male-female relationships, courtship and dating rituals...
...romance novels, poetry.
I could give you input.
Number Johnny Five, you would be doing this for me?
Well, yes. You're my friend.
That's wonderful! If you're even just helping me to...
...speak to Sandy, I am jumping with joy.
-Well, give me five, hombre. -Yes, and give me the three.
-We catch fish fresh everyday. -No, those fish are old.
Look, you have no background in this field at all.
There is no way to get that robot to do what we want.
Sounds like a good idea to me. We sure as hell can't get rid of it.
We can't even get into the damn building.
Why shouldn't we get the robot to help us out?
It's a computer. It probably has custom operating systems--
Hey, you're the expert. The jewels go to the museum in two days.
We're flat out of time, buddy. So what's your brilliant plan?
Exactly. There is no other plan.
This will be our only opportunity. Now, you two just keep...
...that Indian fellow and his partner out of that building.
Let me deal with the robot.
You have selected an appropriate location for my date?
Yes, right on Sandy's way home. Also remembered another great book:
Dating Dos and Don'ts for Modern Teens.
Are you able to hear me?
10-4, good buddy.
Mane ghabarat thaychhe.
And with a wave of my magic antenna...
...presto!
Go. Now!
-Do it! -Okay. Lord Rama....
Ignition system has fouled up somehow. Sorry, folks.
Ben?
There's Sandy. What a coincidence you are here.
This is so weird. I was just thinking about you...
...and now here you are.
" Say there, Sandy...
"...isn't that a swell dress you're wearing tonight?"
Thanks.
"If it is okay with your Mom and Pop...
"...would you like to go to a malt shop for a cheeseburger?"
Sure. Why not?
Malt shop?
Well, Hungarian malts. Very good.
Oh, no.
It's a better view.
Isn't it strange we should be meeting like this?
Meet, closeness, proximity, yes.
"The goal of two ones who share proximity on a physical plane...
"...is to achieve a double oneness on the metaphysical plane."
Ben, don't go weird on me. Just tell me you are making the robots...
...and everything is really okay, right?
"Say, doll, this mug's got more moves than you got curves.
"I cracked that case hours ago."
Does that mean you're done? On time? Like I wanted?
Yes.
Definitely.
Great!
I'll arrange to have them picked up tomorrow. This is terrific.
I know they're gonna sell.
I have a good feeling about this.
You know, this is great for me, too.
I mean, especially at this stage in my career.
Stage. That's a good one.
I am thinking "all the world's a stage."
"All the world's a stage."
Get off!
You know Shakespeare?
"Are you troubled by irregularity?"
-" Just two tablets brings natural...." -Get off, Sylvester!
Garfield! Do I look like a mouse?
"It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken."
Ben....
You're not doing any drugs, are you? I mean--
Oh, no....
Run!
I knew this guy once who started talking like you...
...right before he decided he was God.
God!
God?
-Jehovah, Krishna, Lord of Lords.... -I think he needs coffee.
Garcon. Deux expressos, s'il vous plait.
French now?
Every time I meet you, I think to myself:
Is he naturally this...
...eccentric?
-Or is this just an act, or what? -Move those balloons!
What are you really like?
I see, no answer to that one.
-Why are guys like that? -Go on!
I've never been able to figure it out.
All the guys I ever met were the same way.
Me?
Yes, you!
Okay.
Andale! Arriba!
Guys just smile.
" Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro."
Wait, I know a little Spanish.
Oh, no.
My mother...
...sleeps...
...with your dog?
Oh, no!
Well, that's an expression in my country, where...
...sometimes we are speaking Spanish.
It does not mean that your mother is sleeping with my dog.
Oh, no.
It means the people that she's sleeping with...
...they are like dogs.
I mean that they are....
No. What a moron.
I think I'd better go.
Oh, no. Maaf karna. I am--
Please, I am sorry.
I am confessing to you now, Sandy.
Everything that I have been saying has been coming to you, not from me...
...but from my friend who has been controlling remotely the sign.
You mean, you've had someone prompting you?
Yes. Please, I must escape this embarrassment.
Don't. No, wait.
Sit. Please, sit down.
Do you mean that you're interested in me personally?
Yes.
So, that's what's been going on.
You've been trying so hard.
Ben, the expense alone....
I am wanting so much to be able to speak to you with my tongue untied.
It's really sweet.
You could have just told me.
So, what do we talk about now?
Well, do you like music?
No. Don't tell me, please.
This one is Bo Diddley! Performed by Mr. Diddley himself!
What year?
-Nineteen... -...fifty...
...fifty-five!
That's great.
I think this Mr. Diddley did more for this country...
...than Warren G. Hardon. Harding.
It's okay, Ben.
Oh, my, how time is fun when you're having flies.
I know an all-night rock-and-roll place.
An after-hours club. You up for it?
Yes, I am in all directions for it. Most definitely.
We need a cab.
No, I will get it. Allow me, sir.... Ma'am. Pardon me.
Hello, taxi!
God, you can't even get a cab in this city.
Au contraire, mi amiga. Did I startle you?
-What is that? -What is what?
That!
There are 2,312 taxicabs in this city.
There's one now. Hey, taxi! Cab!
Oh, yeah? Bull's-eye!
Ben, what the hell is that? It looks like a giant one of your toys.
Oh, but-- Yes, it does, doesn't it?
Will you please tell me what that thing is?
Thank you for stopping.
-Please. -Excuse me.
Number Johnny Five.
Thank you, friend.
-Now, you go back home. -Okay.
Okay, all loaded. 1,000 toy robots.
Is that it, Robby?
You enjoying Planet Earth?
What?
Take me to your leader.
What's this?
This is XL-7, over and out.
Oh, Oscar!
Hola, dude! What's happening?
Number Johnny Five, the date was...
...such a success.
We talked.
We danced.
We drank champagne.
Well...
...she sure came through with the money.
Benny, our first big score. Look at that.
Half those zeroes are yours.
Come on, you gonna hold a grudge all your life? Be happy!
We're finally making it!
No! No way!
Who are you guys anyway?
-Five? -Number Johnny Five?
Oscar, you're such a friendly guy. I always enjoy talking to you.
Well, I've always enjoyed talking to you.
But you know something, Johnny?
I'm worried about our friends, Benjamin and Frederick.
Frederick is not my friend.
Well, to be perfectly honest, I never liked him either.
-But Benjamin is our friend, right? -True-blue.
Now, with all the break-ins, the vandalism...
...the sudden attacks by those thugs...
...you and I have to make sure Benjamin is safe.
Okay.
Now, across the street out there is a little secret room...
...that I happen to know about and it's a perfect hiding place.
And I thought Benjamin could use an escape tunnel...
...to that room in case those villains come back.
I worked it out in intricate detail.
It's taken me a long time, let me tell you.
Borrowing the blueprints, purchasing equipment.
Here, let me show you.
Get in there!
Oh, dear!
I get it. Industrial espionage.
We got a hot toy, so the big boys want it, right?
Relax, get comfortable. You're gonna be here for a while.
Somebody will let you out Monday morning.
You screw around with Johnny Five...
...he's gonna knock you into the next ZIP code, pal.
The robot is working for us now, pal.
When he's finished, we'll turn him into aluminium siding.
No, sir, please!
Now I wonder...
...if you would help me...
...finish my hiding place...
...for our friend Benjamin.
Certainly, Oscar. I'd detach my right arm for Benjamin.
And my left arm. Or both arms. Oh, wait.
Subterranean excavation requires many permits.
Department of Water, telephone company, city planners--
I have them, every single one.
Okay.
Low bridge.
This place is a mess.
I'm sorry I tried to sell your goddamned robot.
Okay? It was a dirty trick. I'm a jerk. I'm a sleazeball.
You're getting warmer.
It's just that when you owe as much money as I do...
...it puts you under pressure.
And who would be foolish enough to loan money to you?
Don't rub it in. I had to go to a shark.
Now you're expecting me to believe that you...
...you borrowed money from a fish.
A loan shark.
If you don't pay them back right away...
...they start removing popular parts of your anatomy.
And this shark money, it is what you have used to help me?
I did it to help us. Give us our big break, you know?
You are risking your popular body parts to...
-...to start our business? -Yes.
Only, then I got greedy. I mean, come on...
...a robot worth $11,000,000. I couldn't stand it.
I should have known it wouldn't work.
That thing ran me all over to hell and gone...
...which I deserve, I admit.
How do you control it, though?
Really, Benny, that thing doesn't work so good.
Well, there is something in which I have not told you also.
The reason it is so difficult to control is because...
-...it is just like you and I. -What are you talking about?
I mean, it is making a lot of mistakes because it is alive.
Alive?
I know what it's like for Benjamin working long hours...
...for very little compensation.
I work all day with other people's money. Look, but don't touch.
Don't make mistakes. They treat me like a machine.
Like a machine?
This gives you bad emotion, loneliness, unhappiness.
Oscar, come here.
I understand.
So those two dickheads out there, if they smash Johnny Five up...
...would they shut him down or something?
-He'll be dead? -Lf he is losing his power, yes.
That's it. We gotta get out of here.
All right, the two of us together. We can take it.
One shot. Mind over matter. Ready?
-Ready. -On three?
One, two, three.
My mind is not getting over that matter. That is for certain.
Oh, good golly! I just remembered.
I'm now missing my second date with Sandy.
Oh, no.
Squid. I need squid.
Wait a minute, they screwed up!
-What? -Look!
"Doo Wah's Chinese Restaurant and Deli."
There is the address right there! We know where we are!
Oh, such excellent luck.
But to whom are we to tell this earth-quaking news?
Right.
It doesn't help us save Number Johnny Five.
We may be too late already. We've been here for hours.
It is unfortunate we're not carrying a telephone with us.
-Well, I left mine in the Mercedes. -No, I am speaking seriously.
There is a telephone line here. I can wire in the telephone easily.
Hey, Benny, can't you use that?
I mean you're a high-tech kind of a guy.
Can't you make something? Send them Morse code or something?
"Johnny's in the tunnel with Oscar Digging ten feet below
"Johnny's in the tunnel with Oscar"
Juicy Fruit...
...to hold the wire in place.
9-1-1. Oh, Bagwhan, please.
Ringing! It is ringing.
Ringing again.
And someone has picked up. Now quickly, tell me the code.
This Morse code.
-I don't know it! -What do you mean?
I thought you knew that stuff.
No. This is a fine--
What kind of a genius are you if you don't know it?
How am I supposed to know Morse code?
-I can't believe you-- -Oh, dear.
What is that?
-The Beach Boys, 1964, "Help Me, Rolla." -Rhonda.
I'm studying popular music, so I can increase my relationships...
...and communications with Sandy, who I'll probably never be seeing again.
Wait a minute. Fred has this weird idea.
"I don't know why
"But I'm feeling so sad
"I long to try something I've...."
-Is this gonna work? -Yes. I think she will understand.
She's very knowledgeable in this field.
-Does she have an answering machine? -Yes.
Greetings. Hello, I'm Sandy Banatoni.
I'm not here, but leave message at sound of tone.
I'll get back on you when I return.
But please wait for a beeping beep. Beep.
-Yes. Right. -First one.
"Help me, Rhonda Help, help me, Rhonda"
"Oh, where can you be?"
"7-8-7, 8-8-9-7-4."
"Camptown robots sing this song Doo-dah, doo-dah
"Think this tunnel's five-miles long Oh, Doo-Dah-Day
"Gonna dig all night, gonna"--
Madson steel alloy. A-450. I'll dig around it.
No!
No, it's okay.
Oh, yes. This is the secret room.
I had planned to make an entrance with a cutting torch...
...but perhaps you have a faster way?
-Entrance. Portal. -Right.
-A hole. -Yes!
Hey, good morning out there.
You're tuned to Daddy-O's Patio with Stacks o' Wax...
...and golden-oldie, platter-chatter, too.
And we've got lots more on tap. Little Anthony and the Im--
What the hell?
Wait a minute. Ben?
Stand back, please. My plasma cutter is dangerous to humans.
Yes, turn here. I think.
"They say the neon lights are bright On Broadway"
Broadway. It's gotta be it. Keep going.
Excuse me, but if you are worried for your friend to be safe...
...why not call the police?
I called them.
They said technically, he's missing.
If he's just missing...
...he must be missing 24 hours before he's officially missing.
But something's wrong.
I just know it.
We are at Broadway. Is it a left or right that I would hang?
Wait.
"You can always go Downtown"
Downtown! Take a left!
Hurry up, please! We may not have much time.
Okay, Ben.
Broadway's a long street.
"Sixteen Candles"
Tony Romeo and the Crests.
Sixteenth Street!
That's it. Sixteenth Street! Go! Hurry!
Can't you go any faster? If you get a ticket, I'll pay for it.
-Move, lady! -Okay, rockin' baby. Sixteenth Street.
Next song, please.
Where did you learn this stuff?
Leningrad. Black market. Everything from Abba to ZZ Top.
What is this?
You have not known this one?
Otis Redding. Dock of the Bay.
Dock of the Bay!
Of course! Dock of the Bay! Good! Go towards the docks!
Okey-dokey.
"Lucy, I'm home!"
Oh, my God!
You're incredible!
This is the room, the hiding place for Benjamin.
Isn't it wonderful?
Oscar? Hiding place is bank vault. Heimdall bank vault.
Well, yes, of course.
That's the whole idea, see?
What could be safer than a safe?
-But isn't that-- -We need to do just one more thing.
We need to clear out all my old junk here.
Open this box.
But Oscar, cutting hole in bank vault is not damage? Vandalism?
Don't be ridiculous. I own this vault.
You can't vandalize something if it's already yours.
Come on!
Well, all right.
Hold this.
-Now open this. -Okay.
Precious stones.
Diamonds. The Vanderveer Collection.
This is your old junk?
Yep.
Excuse me.
-Oscar owns the Vanderveer Collection? -Yes!
What? Oscar!
Louie, Louie!
Nah, no, it's doo-doo something. "Da-Doo-Run-Run"
Doo Wah Diddy! Yes!
What the hell's a "Doo Wah Diddy"?
"The warmth in your heart...
"...makes others happy."
I still like this one.
"Opportunity is waiting.
"You need but to open the door."
Arm yourself.
Hi.
It's coming and it's smarter than I thought. Get ready!
I'm telling you, we should take the robot, too!
Don't be absurd!
But Oscar, taking jewels without permission is stealing!
Boosting. Ripping off--
-You missed him! -It's half busted. We'll finish it off.
You idiots! You don't even know what you're chasing.
-Artificial intelligence automat-- -Will you shut up!
Help! Police!
Must find policeman! Constable! Gendarme!
Hurry up! We've gotta get him.
Police station! Which way?
-Look out! -Stand back!
Where is he?
You have some explaining to do, young man.
-Do something! -Oscar, enlighten me.
Why try to disassemble Johnny Five?
-"Act-ay ared-scay." -Is your speech program scrambled?
-What? -"Act-ay ared-scay."
"Et-gay ehind-bay im-hay!"
Oh, right. I'm scared. We'd better go.
Oh, shit. I'm scared.
Let's get out of here.
Oscar, I do not understand this input. What language are you speaking, Oscar?
Hey, no! No, wait!
Wreck it!
Don't you get it? It's a witness that can identify us!
No! Stop! Please!
Not just machine!
Not disassemble! Am alive! Can die!
Smash the damn thing!
No! Please! I'm alive!
No, stop!
No, do not kill me!
-No! -It's still moving! Get it!
Hit it!
No!
Rip it apart!
Hit it! Finish it off!
What the hell? Come back here!
Hey, come back here!
That's it! Good!
Look out!
Hey, those things can kill you!
Get up!
Come on.
Number Johnny Five! Johnny?
Fred, check outside.
Where is he?
A secret, sliding descending staircase.
Johnny Five?
-Number Johnny Five? -Freeze! Hands in the air!
-Hands over your head! -What is the meaning of....
I said, don't move!
Stand apart, now! Do it now. I said, now!
Have you seen a robot?
About this big. Looks like a metal grasshopper.
No grasshoppers today?
J. Five!
Hey! Stop!
Oh, God! What did they do to you?
I can't.
The cops have got him.
Me? Fix?
How? With what?
The purple?
The purple wires? Twist them back together?
"Lo-hel," bozo. Hello, "zo-bo."
Hello, bozo.
Thank God, are you okay now?
No, backup power "ing-go." Going.
Can't you just plug it into the wall?
Main "wer-po," power circuits are severed.
Must "nnect-reco," reconnect main battery.
"Pen-o," open. Quick, like a bunny.
-Oh God! You're bleeding! -Yes, battery fluid.
Oh, no, Fred. Not your "shilk sirt." Silk shirt.
-Bombyx mori moth caterpillar. -Forget it.
I think I got you bandaged. You gonna be okay now?
No.
Must repair wiring to memory. My memory is me.
If it loses power, I die, expire, "buck the kicket."
Just tell me what to do.
First get soldering iron, iron, iron....
-Thank you. -This is it, right?
-No. -No, that's not it.
I can't do this. I'm no good at this stuff.
15 minutes you have to get good.
What?
Plenty of time.
Time, in a sort of runic rhyme--
All right, don't lose it.
Just tell me, step by step.
We were nowhere near that tunnel.
I was spending the night with a friend...
-...in a Chinese refrigerator. -It's true! Smell him!
Hurry, Fred!
Backup power is going.
Hurry! Quickly!
Jesus!
Christ. Lived from 1 to 33 AD.
Okay, those are in now.
This should be it. Right?
Hope so.
Okay. Here we go!
Hello, baby!
Told you you could do it.
Thanks.
Okay, ace? If I get your arm working, you can do the rest yourself, right?
"Kay-o, Derf."
Fred.
That's what I said. "Derf."
Why'd you get dinosaurs?
They were on sale at Woolworth's. Oscar said it didn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
This'll get us through customs just fine.
Our gift to the Brazilian National Orphanage.
Oscar? That shlup?
I can't believe it.
How you doing? Feeling better?
Approximately 70 present, president, percent repaired.
Derf, why did Racso lie to me? Try to disassemble me?
Rasc.... Oh, Oscar!
Well, the jewels, man. They must be worth, well, who knows?
37,862,000 "lar-dols." I thought my friend he was.
Am naive, gullible, schlemiel.
Lesson Number One: You can't trust anybody.
I trust you, now.
Well, you shouldn't. I wouldn't trust me.
I tried to cash in on you, too.
Humans are so "pli-comp-cated."
Well, come on, buddy.
Don't take it so hard. Welcome to life in the big city.
Oscar suckered me and I'm the big con man.
He locked up me and Benny in a room full of frozen Chinese squids.
He locked you up? He did not smash, crush, dent, mangle you?
No. He just wanted us out of the way.
Sure. Kidnap the humans...
...destroy the machine!
All right!
Let's party!
Hey, take it easy. You're okay now.
Am not human, but am a life form. Have soul.
But he me killed to try.
Wait a minute. What are you gonna do?
Pursue, capture, incarcerate!
Come on, now, man. These are serious guys.
You're not in top form and your backup battery's used up.
I'm okay. Just a few Bugs Bunny to work out.
In-out, in.... Perfectly functionality.
Sure, listen to yourself! You can't even talk straight!
A life form's gotta do...
...what a life form's gotta do. Stand aside.
Hey! How did you get in?
Hey, life form! Cool it!
What is that? How much you want for it?
This is a hell of a way to treat a future American citizen.
You know that?
Please, someone let--
Excuse me. Listen to me.
-A life is hanging on a tightrope. -Just got a 10-31.
-Guy was ripped off by a robot. -This is America?
You!
This is ridiculous!
Hello.
They broke my alarm, but I didn't hear noise, and then they--
Excuse me. You are Maniac Mike who spotted the robot?
Come with me. Pardon me.
-I gotta do this. -This is important.
-Would you do that for me? -Come on in the car.
-Back to the scene of the crime. -Hey! This is crazy.
You're never gonna find 'em. They're long gone.
Find them, I will. Activating spectro-analyzer.
Vehicle tire tracks. Goodyear radials, 215-75-15.
Hop on, Derf.
You mean, you can see their tire tracks? You can follow them?
Piece of corn. Can of cake. "Suck doup."
Oh, no. Fluid.
He is leaking.
Hydraulic fluid? Brake fluid? Lighter fluid?
Mr. Manic, you are not knowing your fluids.
This is battery fluid. He is bleeding to death.
Here.
Parked.
Gone.
That way.
Don't worry. My cousin was a Harley-Davidson.
There! Chrysler LeBaron, late model.
That's them? You did it. We got 'em!
Headed south on Central Avenue, a man riding a motorcycle...
...that looks like a robot? 6-Charlie, do you copy?
That is him! That is Number Johnny Five!
This is Charlie-6. 6-Charlie, we're on it.
I don't believe it.
No! We gotta lose that thing!
You jerk!
-We're never gonna catch 'em now. -Check this out, baby.
What?
-No, that's not a good idea. -Trust me.
Short cut. As the crow flies. Have seen utility maps in the bookstore.
We're on 59th, headed east. No sign of the suspect--
We are not seeing the hide nor the head of them!
-I am requesting a helicopter immediately! -Ben?
4-10!
Do you know what I'm standing in?
Suspect vehicle turning east on Lakeshore.
Wait!
-What the hell? -Go around them!
Look out!
It's all right. We lost them now.
I'm telling you, you underestimate him.
He's gonna find us.
Do you see them?
Quiet.
Quiet? Do you know what just floated past me?
Vehicle is low on fuel.
What? No, it isn't.
Door is open.
And you're going nowhere, bozos!
-What's going on? -What are you doing now?
Pumping iron.
Is the car moving?
Prepare for launch. All systems are go.
It's not that.
The valves?
We have lift-off.
What happened?
Let's get them out.
Easy. Wait a minute. Are you okay?
Hey, you.
Here's Johnny!
Here. Give me that.
Okay, jerk off. You're gonna get recycled.
Oh, yeah? Well, recycle this, you meshuggenah schmuck!
Get out of my face, you ugly mother!
Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro.
Come on, you bug-eyed geek!
Do you feel lucky, punk?
6-Charlie, this sounds like your baby.
We have a 10-34 between two men and a forklift?
What is a 10-34? Why does he not speak English?
Where you going, Speedy?
Watch it, dink! You're out of your league.
Dr. Ruth says, "Violence is an expression...
"...of sexual frustration."
Saunders, you bastard, help me! "Eep-kay im-hay usy-bay!"
Hey, you!
You got water-cooled tubes?
-What? -I got an error message for you!
I'll scramble your RAM!
Oh, like, I'm really scared. You know, for sure.
Yes, J. Five!
You rang?
"Ew-scray ou-yay, ozo-bay."
Well, okay, pilgrim...
...it's roundup time.
Five?
Excuse me. Could you put your arms down?
Sure.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
Five!
Oscar!
It's a dead end, Oscar.
Give it up!
-Stop! -So long, sucker.
Oh, yeah? Watch this.
Rats. Can't lock on frequency.
Okay, Oscar. I'll pass you off at the head.
Hey, tough guy--
Ben!
Where is he? He is leaking! He'll run out of power and he'll die!
No, Oscar!
Forget it. You can't swim!
Elevation! Altitude! Come on!
Oscar, you will not get away.
I am really pissed off!
No!
Me, Johnny. You, busted.
Oh, no!
What are you? Punishment from God?
-J. Five! -Number Johnny Five, are you okay?
Get out of my way!
-Please, officer. -Benjamin.
Number Johnny Five?
What is wrong? Where is your auxiliary power?
-What? -His auxiliary power!
-Backup battery? -Yes!
-It's dead! -He used it up already! Goddamn it!
I knew he wasn't up to this.
Number Johnny Five.
You!
Medical person, pay attention to your job! Come here!
Quickly!
-Give me the defibrillator! -Ben, what are you doing?
Give it to me!
Good-bye...
...Benjamin.
No!
Listen, you nutcase! Give me that!
Do not be touching me, sir.
Turn the power on to its top-most capacity.
-Get back! -Look out!
Number Johnny Five. Come on, Johnny Five.
Come on, Johnny Five!
Come on!
Please!
Come on!
Please say something.
Benjamin.
My friend.
Oh, my God.
Number Johnny Five. Are you completely operational?
100 percent intact?
Perfectly, "kay-o."
Keep that power on or I'll beat the living headlights out of you!
But I've got such a headache.
Number Johnny Five, you had me so worried.
Pardon me.
See this guy? I know him. I know him. Fast reader.
Close personal friend of mine. Comes by here all the time.
You talk about speed-reading, he can really read.
You want my toys? Everybody wants my toys.
Fred, will you hurry up? We'll be late.
You want 5,000, you got 5,000.
You just gotta wait six months like everybody else.
I got three shifts working on them now. Not a lot I can do.
Okay, I'll get back to you.
I've been a salesman all my life. I finally got something that sells!
What about this new slogan:
"Johnny Five. You know the name, now own the toy."
-What do you think? -I think we ought to get in the car.
I solemnly swear...
...that I will support and defend the Constitution and the laws...
...of the United States of America...
...against all....
-Hurry up! -Coming.
...against all enemies, foreign and domestic...
...and that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same...
...and that I take this obligation freely...
...without any mental reservation, or purpose of evasion...
...so help me God.
Congratulations to you all.
And finally, it is my unique honor officially...
...to recognize our first robotic citizen.
By this ceremony, the United States government decrees...
...that he shall have the same rights and privileges...
...as any other citizen in this nation.
My special congratulations to you...
...Mr. Johnny Five.
All right!
-Thank you. -Congratulations, Johnny.
Thank you very much.
-Hi, Fred. -And you.
Kissing, osculation, hot chotchkies.
My partner!
Mr. Five, tell us how you feel.
How do I feel? I feel alive!