It all started when a time travel experiment I was conducting...
went... a little caca.
In the blink of a cosmic clock, I went from quantum physicist...
To air force test pilot,
which could have been fun if I knew how to fly.
Fortunately, I had help... an observer from the project named Al.
Unfortunately, Al's a hologram, so all he can lend is moral support.
Anyway, here I am, bouncing around in time,
putting things right that once went wrong...
a sort of time-traveling Lone Ranger with Al as my Tonto,
and I don't even need a mask.
Oh, boy.
This quantum leaping through time is a lot like going on a blind date.
You never know who you'll end up with.
Fortunately, I have Al as my chaperone...
to help me figure out what time I'm in and when it's time to go.
Thanks, Frankie. You was terrific.
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
As Al would say, timing is everything.
What did she call me? Terrific.
No, dummy. Frankie was terrific.
That's it... Frankie. She called me Frankie.
Frankie what?
Frankie who?
Frankie. Wow.
Whatever I was here to improve, it wasn't Frankie's looks.
Aha! So that's what you're supposed to look like in a tux.
Eat your heart out, Al.
Okay, you got a job to do, so whatever it is...
Let's get to it, killer.
Mama, how you like Angela's hair?
Dibs on winners.
Oh, hey, Teresa, I don't know.
What, afraid I'm gonna beat your pants off?
You can beat my pants off any time you like, Teresa.
You should be so lucky, Segundo.
Ain't that calamari tasty, Nonna?
Tastes like a rubber.
Scusa.
Give me that.
Who's playing with smooth balls?
Your point, Tony.
Sorry, Gino.
We could've worked this out for ourselves, Teresa.
How? It's Tony's point, but no one's gonna say so 'cause they're afraid of you.
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
Come on.
Buon giorno.
I thought when you showed up at my daughter's wedding,
you want to be friends again.
I'm here because Angela asked me to be her beautician.
Now I think you come to embarrass me.
You're the godfather, Gino. You don't need to cheat at "bocci".
That's what I like about you.
You talk to me like I'm some ordinary "gibbone".
Why don't you meet me at our old place tonight?
No. Ah, come on.
I'll talk dirty to you. We'll have a good time.
You got somebody, don't you?
Yeah. I got a guy who wants to commit suicide. Who could I have?
Everybody in Brooklyn knows you'll hit any man over 14 who says hello to me.
Why don't I believe you? Why start now?
You didn't believe me when I said we were through either. We're not through.
Not until I say so. Capisce?
You're a piece of work, Teresa.
A real piece of work.
Oh, boy. I'm supposed to speak Italian.
Bingo?
Hey, Frankie, Papa wants you to meet our cousins from Philadelphia.
They're all doctors. And Primo wants you to sing.
Si... Sing?
Yeah, sing. Hey, che cosa, Nonna?
Don't you "che cosa" me, Segundo.
That's the only thing you know in Italian.
Why you don't speak-a good like your brother Francesco?
I let my lips do the talking, Nonna.
Let's go. Hurry up. Come on. Primo's waiting. Everybody's waiting.
Hey, everybody! My brother Frankie gonna sing at my wedding!
So, what do you want him to sing, babe? You name it, you got it.
Right, Frankie? Uh-huh.
"Volare. " Please, Frankie. You sing "Volare" better than Modugno.
Oh, I don't know about that. Oh, "Volare."
Come on, baby!
Al.
Just sing the song. We'll go somewhere private.
Then these people won't see you talking to yourself like a lunatic.
Sing? Make a noise with your voice.
- I can sing? - Trust me.
- I don't know the words. - "volare"
- volare - "Oh, oh."
Oh, oh
Cantare, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Cantare, oh, oh, oh, oh
"Nel blu dipinto di blu."
Nel blu dipinto di blu
"Felice di stare lassu".
"E volavo, volavo felice piu in alto."
"Del sole ed ancora piu su".
"Una musica dolce suonava soltanto per me."
Una musica dolce... per me
- "volare" again. - volare
Oh, oh
I got it.
Cantare
Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh
Nel blu, dipinto di blu
Felice di stare lassu
volare
Oh, wo-oh-oh-oh, yeah
Cantare
Wo-oh-oh-oh
Your love has given me wings
Teresa gave me the slip for 20 minutes.
Vooooo...
One, two, one, two, three!
See what happens when a puttana like Teresa walks out on you?
You lose respect.
And when you lose respect, you lose fear.
That's not true, Don Gino. Now he tells me I'm wrong.
Vo-o-o-olare
- You want me to put Frankie on it? - No, no. I can handle this, Don Gino.
I swear it. Whoever she's with is dead meat.
I don't want him dead meat. I want him singing soprano.
Why do you have to know exactly where?
I don't have to know, pal.
But Ziggy has to know if you want us to retrieve you.
You're gonna try again? When?
As soon as Ziggy has the data that he needs.
And I hope it happens before I melt.
Exactly where did you find yourself when you popped into '65?
Sixty-five? This is 1965?
Sixty-five! L. BJ.'s president. Vietnam.
Don't remind me. But think of the bright side!
Sandy Koufax pitches a perfect game.
I'm 10, in the fourth grade.
Marcia Green sits right in front of me.
And you used to dip her pigtails into the inkwells.
We didn't have inkwells. Oh, we did.
I used to dip Hanna Gretz's pigtails.
That was until I discovered it was a lot more fun to take Hanna into the cloakroom.
In the fourth grade? I was... socially advanced.
I'm so hot.
Sam, I'm sweating off pounds here I can't afford to lose.
Now, where did you pop in?
Hmm. Was it here?
Hmm. What were you doing, Sam?
Why are you so hot? It's cold in here.
I'm a hologram, remember?
In an imaging chamber a couple of decades ahead of here.
The imaging chamber is air conditioned. Isn't it?
Well, not anymore.
Ziggy has shut down all non-vital electrical systems.
And since he's a computer, that means no human comforts...
no air conditioning, no TV, no microwaved taco chips and cheese.
Why?
Because his ego is bigger than his memory banks.
Ziggy refuses to accept responsibility...
for not being able to get you back.
Sam, it looks like you popped in just a tad late, huh?
Sort of. How'd you know?
Well, Frankie's condition when he appeared in the waiting room...
left very little to the imagination.
Who's Frankie?
Frankie... he's a... he's a hit man.
A what?
A hit man. You know, bang-a, bang-a, bang-a.
Hey, I didn't say you were a hit man.
It doesn't make me feel any better.
Who's the girl?
Girl? What girl?
The girl.
Oh. Oh, no data. Uh, could have been any one of a dozen.
Now, Frankie, he's a very good-lookin' stud, as you know.
Take it from someone who knows. When you're a good-lookin'stud...
Al. Al. Al! You're gonna have a lot of girls eating right out of...
What? I'm in trouble here. I'm a Mafia hit man.
- No, you're not. Frankie is. - You know what I mean.
What, uh...
What am I here to do?
Well, I don't know. We only did a top line on Frankie.
We didn't have any time for in-depth research.
Uh, it's on Ziggy's nonessential electrical use list.
Nonessential?
Look, God or time or whoever the hell it is leaping me around from one year to another...
is gonna do it again as soon as I change whatever happened in Frankie's life in '65,
or someone around him, right?
- Correct. - Wouldn't it be nice to know what that is?
Not necessarily.
Because Ziggy is 97.3% sure...
that he can leap you back if both of us...
pay attention to his instructions down to the decimal point.
What instructions? Well, you're supposed to do...
whatever Frankie would do until we receive further instructions.
Uh, oh, by the way, this, I think, is yours.
What if I'm supposed to use this?
Make sure you take the safety off.
That's not funny, Al.
Al?
Okay, come on.
I don't understand you. Who, me?
You just got married yesterday. Yeah. So?
Didn't Angela want a honeymoon?
Let me tell you something. I gave her her honeymoon last night.
You're sick. I am? Hey, I look sick?
You're hung-over.
Don't you love her? Who?
Angela.
Oh. Well, yeah, I like her.
If you only like her, why did you marry her?
Because you told me it'd be a good thing to do.
Oh.
Hey, hey, hey! You animal! Get outta the street!
Up yours.! Hey, don't you remember you and Pop said...
that if Primo was the don's son-in-law,
we could move on the Carlucci's, no problem?
Yeah. Huh? What, did you change your mind?
Well, I... I...
Hello!
You know, I could use a haircut. Maybe she's got an opening.
What, you're gonna get your hair cut from Teresa?
Teresa. Yeah.
I had the sudden feeling that in '65...
men weren't having their hair styled by women.
At least not in South Brooklyn.
Maybe I'm here to start the unisex revolution.
Can I get a trim?
If you have the time, uh, a little bit off the ears.
This is nice. It's round and full.
Kind of "beehivey."
Want to give me a shampoo first?
Hello.
Hey.
Thank you.
Frankie, what are you trying to do, get us killed or something?
Trust me, in a year, men everywhere will be getting their hair styled in salons.
Your father may have saved his life, and Primo may be his son-in-law,
but if Gino finds out about us, you'll be feeding the fishes...
and I'll be wearing concrete undies.
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
Gino? Like in Don Gino?
Come on, Frankie, be serious.
Look, I wanna be able to lead a normal life with you too, but this is stupido.
I can see that. Then why did you do it?
Well, I... I saw you in the window, and it seemed like a good idea.
You mean you got the hots for me so bad, you don't care?
Well, uh... Oh, oh, Frankie.
I feel the same way.
I got the hots for you the... the minute I laid my eyes on you.
You were standing outside Luigi's Fish Market...
with that big '45 in your hand,
blowing holes in the Giacanni brothers.
And when you noticed that I was hiding behind the salted cod and winked,
ah, I knew it was kismet.
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
My condolences on the loss of your eldest son, paisan.
But, Gino, this is my idea.
Well, you know how women, they talk in the beauty parlors.
I mean, they say things to each other that they wouldn't tell their priest on their deathbed.
I figure, well, Frankie goes in there, maybe gets a haircut from Teresa.
She may for one split second forget that he's a man, and let something slip.
You live long enough, you see everything.
Even your most trusted paisan trying to slip you the salami. No.
No?
You think for one moment that if Frankie was boffin' Teresa...
that he would be sitting in that chair in that window?
Gino, I swear on my firstborn grandchild...
Angela told you?
Frankie is not the one you want singing soprano.
Swearing on Primo and Angela's firstborn touches me, Tony.
It's very Sicilian. I like that.
So, I'm gonna give Frankie a chance.
Mille grazie, Godfather.
I'm gonna ask him why he's getting his hair cut in a woman's beauty parlor.
And he better tell me it was your idea.
Now who's stupido?
And don't talk with your hands.
Woops. Sorry.
Gino! What a surprise.
This is a surprise.
It does seem to attract attention.
Give me a razor, Teresa.
A razor?
You know, the haircut looks great, Teresa. I...
You haven't had your shave yet.
Actually, I shaved this morning.
Always shave in the morning.
It's kind of a habit, I guess.
You got 5:00 shadow.
Women don't like men with 5:00 shadow.
Well, th-that depends.
On what?
The date?
How about November the 9th, 1965?
Well, see, you got me.
5:00 shadow, uh... wasn't big in '65.
I meant a straight razor, Teresa.
This ain't a barbershop, Gino.
Go tease some hair.
Frankie. Uh-huh.
I'm gonna ask you a question.
If you answer correctly, all that happens is you get a good shave.
Why do I feel like I better answer it correctly?
'Cause if you don't, I'm gonna slice your throat and cut off your naso.
I was afraid of that.
You ready?
No.
I'm gonna ask anyway.
Oh, God, he's asking me in Italian.
Teresa? He wants to know if she's giving Frankie more than a shampoo and a trim.
What would Frankie say?
- No. - No?
Maybe that isn't what Frankie would say.
Frankie would say something in Italian.
Volare.
- Volare? - Hmm.
- Sam. - Al!
Don't look at me. Look at him.
You just told him to fly away.
- Che Al? - I know what he wants to hear,
so you repeat after me.
Albert.
No, don't... Repeat after me, Sam.
- No. - No.
No.
No? Too much for you, huh? Okay, just say...
That's it.
Getting your hair cut by a woman is one thing, but by Teresa!
Marrone! Frankie, what were you thinking about?
It was getting a little long around the ears.
I don't know, Pop. Frankie's hair's looking really good.
Better than the haircuts you get at Angelo's.
You don't get your throat cut at Angelo's.
Ah, well, that was business.
Anyway, I know the godfather like a brother.
The only reason why he believed you today is because of the bullet I took for him.
Now, until you find the "stugazzo" that Teresa is cheating with,
Don Gino's gonna be watching you with a Sicilian eye.
The "stugazt" she's cheating with? What about the cheating that he's doing?
What cheating? On his wife.
What is he talking about? Beats me, Pop.
All right, look, just forget it.
Just find the "stugazzo", and everything will be "va bene"?
Capisce?
Capisce.
Take me home.
What? Come here.
You make the collections.
And don't forget, you're supposed to take Nonna to the bingo tonight.
Humor her. She hasn't won a game in three years,
and she thinks you're lucky.
"Stugazt," bingo. Got it.
Frankie, you okay?
I'm fine, Papa.
Come on. Let's go.
Andiamo. Let's go.
Pop, I've been thinking: Since Gino's my father-in-law,
I don't think he'd mind if Teresa gave me a haircut.
Don't think, Primo. Don't think. It's not for you.
You know, he probably wouldn't care if you got a perm and a set.
Hey, I got your perm and set right here. Where?
Right here. Aaah!
My old man was Italian. From Abruzzi.
A regular Hop along "Cassaditch."
I remember when I was a kid, my dad and his girlfriend...
used to sneak me out of the orphanage on Saturday nights...
for a little homemade risotto and Chianti.
One night, he brought along this extra girl, and he says to me,
"Son, I think it's about time..." Al,
I don't have time to hear your stories about your Hop along Cassidy father.
Cassaditch. Hop along Cassaditch. It's an expression that goes way back... Al!
Al, I'm in trouble here. I gotta leap out of here before Gino finds out...
that Frankie's the guy beating his time with Teresa. Capisce?
Look at me. I'm talking like them.
Teresa! This is the little lady...
you were bingo-bango-bongoing up in the attic, huh?
Teresa is the lady that Frankie was...
whatever in the attic.
Oh, this is going to make retrieving you tonight very interesting.
Tonight? You're leaping me out tonight? At 22:28 Greenwich Mean Time.
Great. Provided...
Here it comes. You follow Ziggy's program.
One: At 22:15 Greenwich Mean Time,
you must plug in a thousand-watt hair dryer...
in a house located at 111 Erie Drive, Buffalo, New York.
What? Two: At the designated retrieval time...
22:28 Greenwich Mean Time, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got that. You must be at the exact same location arrived at yesterday.
Don Gino's attic. Don Gino's attic?
Whatever. How can I be in Buffalo at 22:15...
and back in Brooklyn 13 minutes later?
I never said it would be easy.
Okay, okay. Um,
I'll get Primo and Segundo to go to Buffalo.
You'd trust your leap to them? I'm trusting you and Ziggy.
Three: You must duplicate...
the event that was occurring when you arrived.
In other words, you have to be with whomever was present in that attic.
Teresa. And engaged in whatever activity was taking place.
Geez, I'm hot.
Thanks a lot. I'll return it to you tomorrow.
Come on, hurry up, Primo.
You know, hitting Buffalo I understand.
A hair dryer in Buffalo, non capisco.
Hey, Frankie says we do it, we do it.
If Frankie says you jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump?
No. That'd be stupid.
Yah!
- Teresa. - Uh, hi.
Frankie!
Teresa, I need to see you tonight.
You mean, after today you still want to make it with me?
More than ever. But you gotta meet me by 4:00, 4:30 at the latest.
I don't close till 5:00.
Teresa, this is important.
It has to do with the future.
You think we got one?
Of course we got one.
Oh, Frankie! Where you wanna meet, hon?
- Don Gino's attic? - Where!
Now, don't panic. Don't panic. We can sneak up the trellis.
No one will ever know we're there. I'll know!
Teresa, you said I was terrific in the attic.
Frankie, you're terrific anywhere. But why go somewhere as stupido as Gino's attic?
Because...
you were terrific in the attic.
In Gino's attic, you were better than anywhere else.
I was?
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
Better than anywhere?
Anywhere.
Better than under the table at the Sons of Italy?
Under the table...
Uh... yeah.
Better than... beneath the West End El?
Definitely.
Or behind the furnace at St. Francis?
Behind the furnace? Uh-huh.
Teresa, you were awesome behind the furnace.
Awesome?
Uh, it's an expression.
Oh. Awesome.
I like it.
Let's be awesome.
In my attic? In my attic!
Si, Don Gino. I watched them climb up there with my own eyes.
My wife lives there. My daughter...
Some people, they got no respect.
Oh, they gonna have respect.
If I don't teach them anything else tonight,
I'm gonna teach 'em respect.
What's the matter with these people? Don't they pay electric bills?
This is fraternity row, you idiot. Their folks pay the bills.
All right. It should be the last one on the right. That one.
Where? There.
A&P has a fraternity!
That's Alpha Rho, you idiot! Primo, it's Greek!
No kidding. I didn't know A&P supermarkets were Greek.
- Come here. - What?
What time is it?
"What time is it"?
I'm hotter than your old man's pepe rosa, and you wanna know the time?
It's... critical to our future.
Oh, you mean like... like the stars gotta be in the right place or something?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I mean.
Betelgeuse in Orion has to be aligned with the North Celestial Pole.
I didn't know you knew the stars.
Neither did I.
So, where is this Betel... Betelgeuse.
Yeah. Star. There, in Orion's shoulder.
Frankie, I wouldn't know Orion's shoulder from his culo.
It's that bright red star just above the trees.
See it? Oh. Huh.
It's real pretty... like a diamond.
So, what time do these stars have to get... aligned?
22:28 Greenwich Mean Time.
Huh?
5:28 Eastern Standard Time.
It's a quarter after. Shouldn't we be getting started?
Come on, Primo. It's almost 5:15.
Hey, what the hell you think you're doing?
I'm lookin' for a plug.
For what? For this.
You from the Beta house?
No, Brooklyn. You know where I can plug this in?
Yeah, I'll show you where you can plug it.
You can... You can plug it in right here.
Primo, come on!
Hurry up!
Wow!
Did you hear that? That was my zipper.
What now?
You know I'm supposed to meet Nonna at bingo.
You're thinking about bingo?
Well, it just crossed my mind.
I'm about to be awesome, and you're worried about putting the arm on Father Sebastian?
What?
Well, ain't that what you're doing so Nonna can win?
Coerce a priest?
Frankie, what the hell is going on here?
Nothing. That's for sure.
I risk life and limb to come up here, and you're acting like a pinocchio.
Teresa...
I'm not the Frankie you know.
Boy, is that ever right.
I could never...
I could never stand outside of Luigi's Fish Market...
blowing holes in the Giacanni brothers.
Or make love to you behind the furnace at St. Francis...
or even cheat at bingo.
And if I can't do any of those things, I can't lie to you either.
Why stop now?
What do you mean?
Frankie, I know you lie to me.
All men lie to me. They always have.
They tell me what I want to hear so they can get what they want.
That's life.
That's wrong. You deserve better than that, Teresa.
Why? 'Cause I can cut hair?
For starters.
It's a gift, a talent that makes you special.
You got a lot of things that make you special, Teresa. You're pretty, you're sweet...
No, Frankie. Don't say it unless you mean it.
Look, I don't know about the old Frankie,
but this Frankie is telling you...
you're special, Teresa.
Very special.
God help me, I believe you.
Holy hell! We just lost Niagara Falls!
Automatic circuits have switched over to Rochester to pick up the load.
Rochester can't handle it. Override!
It's too late. There goes Toronto.
Scusi.
How is it possible...
that two of mine...
do something as dishonorable as this?
There goes Massachusetts.
My God! We're losing the whole East Coast.
It was all... It was all my fault, Don Gino.
That's nice. I like a man who faces his death with honesty.
I lied to Teresa...
to get her... to get her up here with me.
I, uh... I wanted to make love to her, but she refused.
Is that so, Teresa?
No. Frankie's lying to protect me.
But you don't own me. I can be with who I want to be with.
And I wanted to be with Frankie.
But he wouldn't look at me. He said it was disrespectful to you,
so I tricked him into coming up here.
Frankie!
Oh, God. Now I'm Don Gino.
Frankie, are you all right, hon?
Teresa, hey, you talk about your earth moving.
- Oh, God. - Don Gino!
What's happening?
Happening? Nothings happening.
We was, uh... We was looking for a suitcase.
Uh, Primo wanted us to get a suitcase for the honeymoon.
Were we hit by lightning?
Something like that.
It's night time. What happened to the wedding?
That was yesterday.
Yesterday? You got a concussion.
Lightning can do that.
Either Ziggy's blown it again,
or whoever's bouncing me around in time isn't letting me off the hook.
I was put here to do something, and now that I was Don Gino,
I finally knew what it was.
Teresa, do you love Frankie?
Yeah.
And Frankie, do you love Teresa?
Love Teresa?
Godfather, anyone even looks at Teresa, it's...
What if it wasn't... Do you love her?
With all due respect, Godfather, I love her so much it hurts.
Oh, Frankie. Terrific.
What's best for all of us is for you two to be together.
The trouble is as soon as I put you together, I'm outta here,
the old Gino is back, and you end up like Jimmy Hoffa.
Running the Teamsters?
Wow!
I gotta find a way to let all of Brooklyn know that I approve of your liaison...
a way that Gino can...
a way that Gino can't back out of.
Relax.
Banns of marriage, they have to be formally announced.
I understand. But, uh, couldn't you sort of formally...
announce it informally now?
At bingo? Please.
I have an announcement to make.
Don Gino Frascotti wishes it to be known that...
Frankie La Palma and Teresa Pacchi...
are to be married... with his blessing.
Gino, grazie. Mille grazie.
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'.
One more thing.
From now on, you're out of the family business.
I don't care what you do. Have Teresa teach you how to cut hair.
- But no more banga-banga. Capisce? - Capisce.
Congratulations, Don Gino.
Ladies, if you'll take your seats now, we'll finish this card.
- Didn't work, huh? - My idea or Ziggy's?
The both of them were "flopperoonis."
Are you warm enough?
Yeah, well, you know... the desert. You burn up in the daytime. You freeze at night.
It's gonna warm up though, because Ziggy's gonna turn the support systems back on.
He gave up on me, did he?
Well, he blames you for not following his instructions down to the decimal.
There's more to it than that. I'll say there is.
Who ever heard of one lousy hair dryer blacking out all of the East Coast?
No, that's not what I mean. Or maybe it is what I mean.
Look, whatever I was put here to do didn't get done.
And now that I've leaped from Frankie to Gino,
maybe it can't be done.
Al, what... what if I have to live the next 40 years as a Mafia don?
No chance, no chance. How do you know?
Because Gino gets knocked off by the Carluccis in April.
- And we have an I-22. - Relax. I know what you're here to do.
Yeah.
Be my guest.
Bingo!
Bingo.