1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,597 Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, 2 00:00:04,673 --> 00:00:08,370 Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator... 3 00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:10,377 and vanished. 4 00:00:14,983 --> 00:00:17,577 He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, 5 00:00:17,652 --> 00:00:21,247 facing mirror images that were not his own... 6 00:00:21,323 --> 00:00:25,453 and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. 7 00:00:26,628 --> 00:00:30,564 His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, 8 00:00:30,632 --> 00:00:35,228 who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. 9 00:00:36,338 --> 00:00:40,638 And so, Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, 10 00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:43,803 striving to put right what once went wrong... 11 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,711 and hoping each time that his next leap... 12 00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,011 will be the leap home. 13 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:57,320 So, what did the cop say? 14 00:00:58,593 --> 00:01:02,495 - Probably said you should get yourself a dayjob. 15 00:01:02,564 --> 00:01:07,365 Hey, buddy. What did you do? Escape from a home for the comedically stunted, 16 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,926 or just the hopelessly stupid, huh? 17 00:01:11,327 --> 00:01:13,625 Stay with me, will ya, Davey? 18 00:01:13,775 --> 00:01:17,711 Uh, yeah. Well, this-this cop said that... 19 00:01:17,779 --> 00:01:21,442 Yeah, he was haulin' you in. He was haulin' me in, and-and I was... 20 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:23,984 Naked. Naked. 21 00:01:24,052 --> 00:01:26,782 And, uh... You were... You were holding the sheep. 22 00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,290 And then you said... 23 00:01:32,964 --> 00:01:34,898 "Oh, boy"? 24 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:55,071 Oh, boy, oh, boy. How do you like that, ladies and gentlemen? 25 00:02:55,143 --> 00:02:57,805 Davey's got a new routine, and he forgot to tell me about it. 26 00:02:57,879 --> 00:03:00,905 Thank goodness one of you got a new routine. 27 00:03:00,982 --> 00:03:03,314 Hey, buddy, you wanna come up here and do a show by yourself? 28 00:03:03,385 --> 00:03:05,319 I bet you do a lot of stuff by yourself, huh? 29 00:03:05,387 --> 00:03:07,878 Hey, who the hell do you think you are? 30 00:03:07,956 --> 00:03:11,824 So, anyway, there I was, standin' in the bushes, naked... 31 00:03:11,893 --> 00:03:16,660 Joey, please. Sit down. Sit down. Holdin'a sheep. 32 00:03:16,731 --> 00:03:19,962 And this cop comes up and he says to me, 33 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:23,902 "You know, you just can't stand around like that." 34 00:03:23,972 --> 00:03:26,065 And-And I said, " No, no, no. 35 00:03:26,141 --> 00:03:31,010 It's okay because, you see, it's sheep season." 36 00:03:32,113 --> 00:03:34,081 What'd he say? 37 00:03:34,149 --> 00:03:37,641 See, I said, " No, it's okay, it's sheep season." 38 00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:39,653 Have you lost your mind? 39 00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:44,351 Well, I get it. 40 00:03:44,426 --> 00:03:47,418 - Sheep season! - Oh, we're dead. 41 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:50,987 No, this is worse than death. Maybe they shouldjust throw dirt on us so we know we're dead. 42 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,124 So, have you nice folks drunk up your minimum yet? 43 00:03:53,201 --> 00:03:56,193 It'd be worth it to leave early. 44 00:03:56,271 --> 00:03:59,331 I had the same problem with the police once... 45 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,706 Not tonight. We've lost 'em. No, really. I was harassed by the police, 46 00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:05,268 and all I was doin' was walkin' my little poodle. 47 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,541 Look, uh, lady, this is a professional act, okay? 48 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,879 That's a matter of opinion. Look, buddy, 49 00:04:09,951 --> 00:04:11,976 I got enough people up here makin' fools of themselves. 50 00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:14,521 You wanna be a jerk, you do it on your own time, all right? 51 00:04:14,589 --> 00:04:16,648 Yeah, my little poodle, her name was Tis, 52 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,818 and, oh, she was the cutest little teacup you ever did see. 53 00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:22,624 Well, I let her off her leash to use the, uh... 54 00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:25,359 Well, to go to the, uh... You know. 55 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:28,163 Out of nowhere comes this big old black cat, 56 00:04:28,236 --> 00:04:30,636 and it races by, and Tis... Boom... 57 00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,935 takes off into the bushes, right after her. 58 00:04:34,175 --> 00:04:36,109 This is a sad story. 59 00:04:36,177 --> 00:04:39,340 Yeah, well, I go into the bushes lookin' for her. 60 00:04:39,414 --> 00:04:42,076 Of course, though, I wasn't, uh, naked. 61 00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:46,677 - Well, you can't have everything. - Yeah, or else you'd be gone. 62 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:50,554 - Look, I'm warnin' you, okay? - - So, let me ask you this one question, though. 63 00:04:50,625 --> 00:04:53,116 Did-Did you have a sheep with you? 64 00:04:53,869 --> 00:04:55,628 What are you talking about? 65 00:04:55,697 --> 00:04:59,155 N-N-No, he's right. I didn't have a sheep. 66 00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:02,863 But I was just comin'out of those bushes, right about the corner, 67 00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:05,064 and I was callin' my dog, when all of a sudden... 68 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:07,664 this policeman comes up to me, and he grabs me, 69 00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:10,404 and he arrests me, and he hauls me in front of the judge. 70 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,412 What for? For steppin' on his act. 71 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,416 N-N-No. For solicitin' with the purpose of prostitution. 72 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,611 Well, it doesn't surprise me. 73 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:21,712 Well, it surprised me! I mean, I wasn't. 74 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:27,750 I was just standin' on the corner, callin' my dog, sayin', "Here, Tis. Here, Tis." 75 00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:32,789 - Oh, keep the girl. You creeps need somethin' funny in the act. - That's it. I'll kill him. 76 00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:38,068 We're doin' a show here, okay? Who the hell do you think you are? 77 00:05:38,139 --> 00:05:42,735 How 'bout a little respect, okay? Who the hell do you think you are? Thank you and good night! 78 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:46,746 All right, let's have a round of... a round of applause... 79 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:50,147 for the comedy stylings of Parker and MacKay... 80 00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:53,813 and our own, uh, Frankie, uh, Washarskie! 81 00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:57,085 I don't get this. Why would you pick tonight to come on stage with us? 82 00:05:57,158 --> 00:05:59,092 We were dyin' out there. You don't get this? 83 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,095 And you... You... Obviously you were dying, and that is why I went up on stage. 84 00:06:02,163 --> 00:06:04,996 It was not the right moment. You have no sense of comedic timing. 85 00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:07,296 What the hell happened to you out there? Uh... 86 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:08,357 Yeah... Well... 87 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:11,030 What was that fight, your impression ofJoe Louis on a bad night? 88 00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:13,073 I was saving you. Me? 89 00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:15,439 I don't think you should have tried to hit that guy. 90 00:06:15,510 --> 00:06:18,343 I wouldn't have had to if you hadn't have put the broad in the act. Broad! 91 00:06:18,413 --> 00:06:20,938 I thought she was pretty funny actually. I saved your butts. 92 00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,949 Yeah, that was 'cause Davey lost his timing. 93 00:06:23,017 --> 00:06:27,283 Oh, yeah? Well, what was your excuse for being a "smuck"? Not even close. 94 00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:29,289 Look, look. Uh, guys... 95 00:06:29,357 --> 00:06:32,053 I think that you should just keep your feathers out of Davey's nose... 96 00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:34,617 and go back where you belong... waitin' on tables. 97 00:06:43,204 --> 00:06:45,138 I thought you were funny. 98 00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:48,642 Oh, what difference does that make? Mack hates me. 99 00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:51,907 Well, from the looks of things, Mack hates everybody. 100 00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:55,541 I cannot go back to waiting on tables. I just can't. 101 00:06:55,617 --> 00:06:57,551 Look, I-I tell you what. 102 00:06:57,619 --> 00:07:01,988 As soon as he calms down, we'll all sit down and we'll talk this whole thing through. 103 00:07:02,056 --> 00:07:03,990 Oh, come on. You heard him. 104 00:07:04,058 --> 00:07:06,754 I mean, he does not care whether I am good or what. 105 00:07:06,828 --> 00:07:10,423 I mean, all he cares about is himself. God! 106 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:16,061 He is the most selfish, self-centered egomaniac I've ever had the misfortune to meet in my life! 107 00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:19,231 Now ask her what she really thinks of the guy. 108 00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:22,538 - How do you really feel about him? - Oh, I'm crazy about him. 109 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,510 I knew it. You're kidding. 110 00:07:24,579 --> 00:07:29,573 No. I mean, you know Mack. He can be so sweet. 111 00:07:29,651 --> 00:07:33,087 When we first started going out, he used to hold my chair... 112 00:07:33,154 --> 00:07:37,716 and help me with my coat and light my cigarette, and I don't even smoke. 113 00:07:37,792 --> 00:07:41,023 And then you offered to give me a shot, and he turns into a futz! 114 00:07:41,095 --> 00:07:43,029 Close. 115 00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:46,032 Look, you're a very funny lady, Frankie, 116 00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:49,263 and I don't think you should let Mack or-or anybody else tell you different. 117 00:07:49,337 --> 00:07:51,862 You really think so? Yeah. 118 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,100 You can make me anytime... Uh, laugh. 119 00:07:54,175 --> 00:07:57,611 Make me laugh, anytime. So you just dry your eyes... 120 00:07:57,679 --> 00:08:00,375 and forget about waitin' on tables. 121 00:08:00,448 --> 00:08:02,882 Tables? All you idiots can go back to waiting on tables! 122 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,442 What kind of a stunt was that with the customer? No one swings on a patron of mine! 123 00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:09,115 This is Lou Collins, the owner of the Cocono Club... 124 00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:11,454 Mack was nervous about trying me out in the act tonight. 125 00:08:11,526 --> 00:08:14,654 Where you're on the payroll... And where is that idiot partner of yours? 126 00:08:14,729 --> 00:08:16,663 With your partner, MacKay. Oh, well... 127 00:08:16,731 --> 00:08:19,359 By the way, you're in the Poconos. You mean Mack. 128 00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:23,393 What other idiot partner have you got? The Cocono in the Poconos. 129 00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:27,373 I, uh... And I'm not considering you, because you deserve better. 130 00:08:27,442 --> 00:08:29,706 Deserves better than what? 131 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,177 You don't get any better than Parker and MacKay, buddy, 132 00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:36,580 and you are damn lucky to have us in this two-bit, rundown... 133 00:08:36,651 --> 00:08:42,214 All right. Now look, Mack... Sam, it's 1959, and you're about to get fired. 134 00:08:42,290 --> 00:08:45,225 ...hole in the wall of a dive! - You're fired! 135 00:08:45,293 --> 00:08:47,955 - I'm fired. - Thanks for the advance warning. 136 00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:51,897 - You got all the warning you need. - Not you... 137 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,560 You can't fire me. I got a contract. Watch me. I'll do it again. 138 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:58,093 - Wait a second. Why don't we just talk about this, okay? - You're fired. How was that? 139 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,841 Oh! Mack, no! Mack, no! Easy... 140 00:09:04,312 --> 00:09:06,246 Al, what am I gonna do? Nothing. 141 00:09:06,314 --> 00:09:10,512 What do you mean, nothing? 'Cause in about five seconds, Carlo DeGorio is gonna come up the stairs, 142 00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:13,452 and his guy is gonna say... Hey, meatheads! 143 00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:18,354 Mr. DeGorio wants to talk to youse. 144 00:09:18,426 --> 00:09:22,795 Mr. DeGorio, your son sang terrific tonight. I mean, like father, like son. 145 00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:25,992 How would you know? You're back here yelling at the comics. 146 00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,831 Sweetheart, why don't you go, uh, powder your nose? 147 00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:31,497 Ooh, I'd like to help her powder her nose, 148 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,506 - and her chin, and her neck... - Joey, please. 149 00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,543 Mr. DeGorio says I should apologize for funnin'with you out there. 150 00:09:36,611 --> 00:09:39,273 Well, somebody ought to teach you a little audience etiquette. 151 00:09:39,347 --> 00:09:42,646 Come on, Mack. Why don't you guys just curtail your conversation for one moment? 152 00:09:42,717 --> 00:09:45,777 The name's DeGorio, Carlo DeGorio. 153 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:49,050 Of the Las Vegas Golden Sand. 154 00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:51,387 - I'd like to make you an offer. - Offer? 155 00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:55,054 - You'll like this part, Sam. - Two weeks at the Golden Sand in Vegas. 156 00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:58,394 Oh. Vegas? The main showroom? 157 00:09:58,466 --> 00:10:00,559 See how you do in the lounge first. 158 00:10:00,635 --> 00:10:03,126 - They are not available. - What? 159 00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:05,195 - They, uh, work for me. - You just fired us. 160 00:10:05,273 --> 00:10:07,673 - Wait a second. - I got a contract for another three weeks. 161 00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,937 - You just fired us. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 162 00:10:10,011 --> 00:10:12,639 Why don't you guys work out the details between yourselves, okay? 163 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,647 And I'll see the three of you in Vegas Friday. 164 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:18,242 - What do you mean, the three of us? - I mean I like the girl. Got a problem with that? 165 00:10:18,319 --> 00:10:22,085 - No problem. - Good. I'll see you in Vegas. 166 00:10:22,156 --> 00:10:24,920 And me and you, we'll have dinner when you get there. 167 00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,222 Oh, I don't know. No problem. 168 00:10:27,295 --> 00:10:29,923 Didn't think so. 169 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,761 No problem? No problem? No prob... No problem? 170 00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:35,496 You got a problem. I got a contract. You fired us! 171 00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:37,561 You cannot tell that man I'll have dinner with him. 172 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,265 Who says I fired you? We say! 173 00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:41,740 You're workin' for me, you do whatever I say. Now just relax. 174 00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:45,506 It's your word against mine. For you? I thought we were partners. 175 00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:49,607 - Davey and I are partners. You? You're a pain in the neck. - A pain in the neck? 176 00:10:49,684 --> 00:10:52,244 - And you're stuck here for another three weeks. - Can it, Lou. 177 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,914 You fired us. We're goin' to Vegas. 178 00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:57,014 The reason we're goin' to Vegas is because of me. 179 00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:59,525 I got a deal! Three weeks! 180 00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:02,461 And I'll sue for breach. 181 00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:05,658 Comics! I give 'em a shot at bein' a star... 182 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:09,100 You're on a real roller coaster here. What is goin' on here, Al? 183 00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,138 Do you believe these people? They're nuts. 184 00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:14,606 And that guy DeGorio... I mean, he's right out of some movie or somethin'. 185 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:19,806 Well, he's very well-connected with the family, and Ziggy says there's a 90.5% chance... 186 00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:23,373 that he's the reason that the raging bull there disappears. 187 00:11:23,451 --> 00:11:26,147 I hate it when you say "disappears. '" 188 00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,154 Well, he vanishes. Oh. 189 00:11:28,222 --> 00:11:32,886 Uh, May 2, 1959, MacKay... Macklyn MacKay... 190 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,657 vanishes right after Parker, MacKay and Washarskie have their opening debut... 191 00:11:36,731 --> 00:11:38,665 Wait, wait. In the showroom in Las Vegas. 192 00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:40,667 Who's Washarskie? She's gotta change her name. 193 00:11:42,737 --> 00:11:45,501 What happens? I don't know. He was never seen again. 194 00:11:45,573 --> 00:11:49,771 In Italian, we say he's probably sleeping with the fishes. 195 00:11:49,844 --> 00:11:53,439 But of course there's no fishes in Las Vegas, so he's probably sleepin' with the scorpions... 196 00:11:53,514 --> 00:11:58,042 or sleepin' with the centipedes or rattlesnakes, coyotes... Okay, I got the picture. 197 00:11:58,119 --> 00:12:00,314 I can't listen to another word of this. 198 00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:03,789 You have to listen to many, many more words of this, because we have to work on our act. 199 00:12:03,858 --> 00:12:06,691 Act? What do you mean, act? You're not part of my act. Prairie dogs... 200 00:12:10,131 --> 00:12:12,395 Howdy, folks. This is Lucky Buck... 201 00:12:12,466 --> 00:12:15,526 Sam, do you know what the secret of comedy is? 202 00:12:15,603 --> 00:12:18,868 - No, and I don't wanna know. - The secret of comedy is... 203 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,874 Al, I don't care. Timing. 204 00:12:20,942 --> 00:12:22,967 How come you don't care? 205 00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:25,774 Because I'm not funny. You're not supposed to be funny. 206 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,781 - You're a scientist. - Well, thank you for sharing that. 207 00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:32,808 And if you tell me that you were a stand-up, I'm gonna... I'm gonna... pow! 208 00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:37,654 You can't pow. I'm a hologram. And, no, I was never a stand-up. 209 00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:39,989 It's a miracle. Now listen. 210 00:12:40,061 --> 00:12:42,291 You are the singing half of a comedy team. 211 00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:46,527 You got Davey's charts. All you have to do is learn the songs, and you fake the routines, 212 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,727 and then you save Mack from whoever he's tickin' off, 213 00:12:48,803 --> 00:12:50,964 and bingo, you leap out of it. 214 00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,972 What else could possibly happen? 215 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,871 I could not be funny. Well, we got Ziggy. 216 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,376 Ziggy is not funny. I know. 217 00:12:57,445 --> 00:13:00,141 But Ziggy has tapped into the greatest comedy teams of all time. 218 00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:03,479 Who's he got? "Live from Rome, it's Nero, on the steps of the'"... 219 00:13:03,551 --> 00:13:06,520 No, no, no. We got Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, Martin and Lewis, 220 00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:10,683 - Burns and Allen... the best. - Al, there are three of us, okay? 221 00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:12,919 - The Three Stooges. - That's not funny. 222 00:13:12,994 --> 00:13:15,428 Besides, I don't know Dave and Mack's routines. 223 00:13:15,496 --> 00:13:17,430 That's okay. They don't know 'em either. 224 00:13:17,498 --> 00:13:20,433 - What? - According to Ziggy, the reason they bombed... 225 00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:25,939 was because Mack tried to force Frankie into the duo when he should have created a trio. 226 00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:30,444 Oh, I see. And someone in the audience didn't think they were funny, so they killed Mack. 227 00:13:30,511 --> 00:13:32,445 That makes a lot of sense. Ha, ha. 228 00:13:32,513 --> 00:13:34,447 What makes sense? 229 00:13:34,515 --> 00:13:38,713 Hey, isn't it my turn to drive yet? I mean, what time is it? 230 00:13:38,786 --> 00:13:40,447 0400. Oh, 4:00. 231 00:13:40,521 --> 00:13:42,455 You've been drivin' for 10 hours? 232 00:13:42,523 --> 00:13:47,051 Look, why don't we pull into, uh, Gallup, whatever that is? 233 00:13:47,128 --> 00:13:49,562 We'll have a cup of coffee. 234 00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:55,565 Mack, you wanna come in for some coffee? Mack? 235 00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:57,570 Why don't we just let him sleep? 236 00:13:59,407 --> 00:14:04,743 When I was waking up, I heard you say something about Mack getting killed? 237 00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:06,746 Oh, no, no, no. Mack? 238 00:14:06,814 --> 00:14:09,942 No, no. I was just saying to myself that... 239 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:15,819 that if Mack didn't help us work up some new routines that include you, that the audience would kill him. 240 00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:18,484 Us. Comic talk, you know. 241 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:23,189 No, Sam. The comic is trying to kill the audience, and if he can't do it, he dies on stage. 242 00:14:23,264 --> 00:14:25,289 Get it? 243 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,460 You sit anywhere your little hearts desire. 244 00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:33,735 I'm gonna get you the best cup of coffee this side of the Rio Grande. 245 00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:38,410 You know, you're right. About what? 246 00:14:38,479 --> 00:14:43,041 Well, there's no way that I can work into "Mr. Show Biz" or "Heroes." 247 00:14:43,117 --> 00:14:45,085 Sure you can. There are lots of women heroes. 248 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:48,986 There's no reason why you couldn't... Okay, everybody. I'm here! 249 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:52,890 Let me get a shot of the room. Hold still. Beautiful. Let me get a picture of you. 250 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,452 Great. You just look at this in a minute, and I bet I got you in it too. 251 00:14:56,530 --> 00:15:00,091 Okay, coffee for everybody! Put it on the big guy's check. 252 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:03,295 Oh, you know what? I have a question for you. Is that your truck outside? Yeah. 253 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:07,170 Really? The big red one, with the beautiful lettering that says Raymond's Refrigerating? Yeah. 254 00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:10,836 The one that's sitting in that enormous puddle of milky brown stuff? 255 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:14,642 It's my ice cream! Hold it, hold it. I was just kiddin' with you. 256 00:15:14,715 --> 00:15:18,947 That's a good way to get your heart started in the mornin', ain't it, big guy? 257 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:21,010 You think you're funny? 258 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,556 She laughed. 259 00:15:23,624 --> 00:15:27,116 Well, maybe it won't be so funny if you're lookin' out of the other side of your face! 260 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:30,652 Listen, uh, you gotta excuse my brother. He was just released from an asylum... 261 00:15:30,731 --> 00:15:32,665 The other side of my face? And he's not real good... 262 00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:35,463 - Yeah! - Dealin' with people right now, but soon he'll be fine again. 263 00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:38,333 You better lock him up. 264 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,965 I'd like to thank you for your kind observation... 265 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:44,636 and let you know that we're doing everything we can to restrain him. 266 00:15:47,748 --> 00:15:51,013 Some people don't have a sense of humor, you know? 267 00:15:51,085 --> 00:15:53,417 You know, you might have come up with something just now. 268 00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:55,682 We could do a bit about me escaping from an asylum. 269 00:15:55,756 --> 00:15:57,690 Why do you do that? Do what? 270 00:15:57,758 --> 00:16:01,717 Why do you act like a geek so Davey has to come and save you? 271 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,729 What am I supposed to do, wait for you? 272 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,925 Oh, I suppose you think that only men can be heroes. Yes, I do. 273 00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:09,765 You know, women are quite capable of taking care of themselves. 274 00:16:09,837 --> 00:16:12,203 But most of'em didn't even know that in '59. 275 00:16:12,273 --> 00:16:14,571 We don't need you to come running to our rescue. 276 00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,902 Hey, that's very funny. 277 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,812 Women can take care of themselves. Yeah, right. 278 00:16:21,882 --> 00:16:24,442 Don't do that to me. I mean it, Mack. Stop it! Oh. 279 00:16:24,518 --> 00:16:28,716 All right. All right. Now come on. 280 00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:30,723 Why don't we just... 281 00:16:30,791 --> 00:16:36,024 Why don't we just concentrate on what we're gonna do on stage tomorrow night? 282 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:40,294 We are not doing anything tomorrow night. Parker and MacKay are going on stage, okay? 283 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,562 - Uh, and Lane. - Lane? 284 00:16:42,636 --> 00:16:45,036 Well, you see, I like that better than Washarskie. 285 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,699 - So do I. - Women are not funny. 286 00:16:47,775 --> 00:16:50,835 What about Gracie Allen? She has George Burns. 287 00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:52,970 Elaine May. Mike Nichols. 288 00:16:53,047 --> 00:16:54,981 Lucille Ball. Desi Arnaz. 289 00:16:55,049 --> 00:16:57,244 - Fanny Brice! - Nicky Arnstein. 290 00:16:57,318 --> 00:17:01,755 What? Well, I've got Parker and MacKay. 291 00:17:01,822 --> 00:17:06,122 N-O. Look. We don't need you. We don't want you. 292 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:10,527 We don't even think we may want you. And if we did, we wouldn't. Got it? 293 00:17:10,598 --> 00:17:12,623 - No. - Sam, you gotta make this work. 294 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:17,069 He's got only 32 hours and 23 minutes before he makes his last performance. Look, Mack. 295 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:20,300 DeGorio's not gonna let us go on without her, so we might as well start thinkin;... 296 00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:23,104 about how to make this act a trio. Right! 297 00:17:23,177 --> 00:17:24,610 Order up! 298 00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:29,445 Okay, look. She gets five minutes with us, but that's it. 299 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,280 Wait a minute. That is one bit. 300 00:17:32,353 --> 00:17:35,516 I mean, I want at least three with you guys and one by myself or I'm not gonna do it. 301 00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:38,456 - You think you can blackmail me? - Yes. 302 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,720 So why don't you just get down, okay? 303 00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:43,957 Both of you. Now sit down and let's start working on something, all right? 304 00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:45,965 Let's try and come up with somethin'. Good. Do a bit. 305 00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:48,297 Some kind of a bit, yeah. Uh, Steve Allen's "Man In The Street." 306 00:17:48,369 --> 00:17:51,532 A bit about a man in the street. Yes. With Supergirl. With Supergirl. 307 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,472 You're a reporter. You're interviewing people... I'm a reporter, 308 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,442 I'm on the street and I'm interviewing people, and today I bump into... 309 00:17:57,511 --> 00:18:00,480 two super people... persons. 310 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,481 This is nuts. You got a better idea? 311 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,483 Give me a minute. No. Sit down. 312 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:09,147 Okay. Now listen to me. Hi, I'm Dave Parker. Hi. 313 00:18:09,223 --> 00:18:13,455 And I'm here today, your man on the street, interviewing with... 314 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,189 Supergirl! Supergirl, yes. 315 00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,197 So, Supergirl, tell me... Hey, hey, hey. 316 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,665 Hey, hey. If you're gonna do that weird crazy stuff, 317 00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:23,396 you'd best give me my ketchup and do it elsewhere. 318 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:26,530 Well, you did us a favor. The coffee wasn't that great anyway. 319 00:18:26,607 --> 00:18:28,541 Oh, yes it was. The coffee was great. 320 00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:31,237 Come on, Sam. Keep it goin; You gotta make this act work. 321 00:18:31,312 --> 00:18:33,803 Hey, hey. This is Dave Parker here, your man on the street, 322 00:18:33,881 --> 00:18:36,645 and, uh, I'm here today, chatting with... 323 00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:41,243 Oh. Supergirl! Supergirl. And? 324 00:18:42,823 --> 00:18:45,951 And I'm, uh, Superman. Aha! 325 00:18:46,026 --> 00:18:51,430 So tell me, you-you-you Supers, uh, what's an average day like for you guys? 326 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:56,333 Well, we usually like to start the day with a big, heapin' bowl of Kryptonite cereal. Ha-ha! 327 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,837 No, not Kryptonite. That would kill 'em. 328 00:18:58,906 --> 00:19:02,034 Two points for the big fella. Uh, he-he's right. 329 00:19:02,109 --> 00:19:05,670 Well, not if we're super people. Ah, she's right. 330 00:19:05,746 --> 00:19:08,237 Especially if you're super people. 331 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,783 Keep it goin'. Keep it goin'. Keep it goin'. 332 00:19:10,851 --> 00:19:13,183 Tell me this though. How do super people, uh... 333 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,187 Have. Ha-ha-have... 334 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,189 Sex. Sex? 335 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,191 Davey! Al! 336 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,193 You know, that's the way my mind works. 337 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,195 Um... You see that? She can't handle it. 338 00:19:24,565 --> 00:19:29,332 This is the real world, kid. In the real world, grown-up people like to hear about grown-up things like sex. 339 00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:33,737 Oh, yeah? Well, if doing "smutz" is what this act is all about, you can just count me out. 340 00:19:33,807 --> 00:19:36,708 "Schmutz." I won't do it! 341 00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:38,711 Yeah? Well, that's because you can't do comedy. 342 00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:41,475 If you were a real comedienne, then anything you did would be funny. 343 00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:44,450 And now I am supposed to take a lesson... 344 00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,386 from Mr. " I can't keep my fist out of anybody's face 'cause I'm so mad at the world"? 345 00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:52,152 Mad at the world? Is this because you want so desperately to be funny, but can't? 346 00:19:52,226 --> 00:19:56,458 - You know what your problem is? You hate women! - Oh, so now you're Sigmund Freud. 347 00:19:56,530 --> 00:20:00,125 I'm not Sigmund Freud, but I am a comic. Why won't you give me a shot? 348 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,795 Why are they doin' this, Al? 349 00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,805 They're in love. What? 350 00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:10,105 Yeah, sure. They're crazy about each other but they haven't got a clue how to handle it. 351 00:20:10,177 --> 00:20:15,615 No, no, no. Yes. I had the same thing goin' with my sec... second, third, fourth... my fourth wife. 352 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,616 Yeah. Oh, she drove me crazy. 353 00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,652 Al, look at them. They're gonna kill each other. 354 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,654 Now what am I gonna do? 355 00:20:21,722 --> 00:20:26,625 Oh, l... I would take her and grab her and kiss her real hard. 356 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,854 Oh, get out. I'm supposed to get them to kiss each other? 357 00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,863 Uh, yeah. Yeah. Get outta here. Look at them. 358 00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:33,957 - Let me do it! That's what I'm saying! - I'm talking. Would you listen to me, please? 359 00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,298 Kiss her real hard... They're never gonna kiss each other. 360 00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:39,635 Kissing is the furthest thing from their mind right now. And then she would stop talking. 361 00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,698 She what? Oh. All right. All right. She would stare into my eyes. 362 00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:46,143 So, I wanna ask you this one question: How do super people kiss? 363 00:20:46,213 --> 00:20:47,475 - What? - Kiss. 364 00:20:47,548 --> 00:20:48,776 - Kiss? - Yes. 365 00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:51,044 I wouldn't kiss her if she was the last woman on Earth. 366 00:20:51,118 --> 00:20:53,678 - You probably don't even know how to kiss. - Oh, yeah? 367 00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:56,622 Sure, she does. 368 00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,817 Hey, no! Hey, wait a minute. No, no, no. Not him. 369 00:20:58,892 --> 00:21:01,190 Him! No, you're not supposed to ki... He's supposed to kiss you. 370 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:05,288 - Huh? - Oh, so that's what this is all about, huh? 371 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:09,802 - No, it's not. - You want a little " Wham, bam, thank you ma'am," you do it on your own time. 372 00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:13,328 - You slept with him, didn't you? Not with me, but him you sleep with! - What? 373 00:21:13,407 --> 00:21:14,840 Do something, Sam! Do something? 374 00:21:14,908 --> 00:21:18,105 Do something! I did something. It was the wrong thing. 375 00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:22,046 I know it was the... Look. Look. This is not how it was supposed to happen. 376 00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:26,347 Yeah, I'll bet. Look. Just lose the broad or get yourself another partner, okay? 377 00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:28,547 What are you talkin' about? Mack! 378 00:21:28,622 --> 00:21:30,556 We can't just... 379 00:21:31,932 --> 00:21:34,799 - Mack. Open the... - I don't believe that you are so immature... 380 00:21:34,895 --> 00:21:38,797 Get in the car. Oh, thank you. What a wonderful idea. 381 00:21:38,866 --> 00:21:41,960 You're welcome. Get in the car. 382 00:21:44,783 --> 00:21:46,717 Oh, boy. 383 00:21:55,557 --> 00:21:59,376 We're gonna do the first two shows at 9:30 and 11:30... 384 00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,579 with the ring curtains closed. 385 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:07,320 Then at 2:00 and 4:00, we're gonna open 'em up to the pits to pull the customers in. 386 00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:11,091 Then, uh, at 4:00 you can get in here and run light and music cues with Charlie. 387 00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,223 Okay, all right. Terrific. 388 00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:18,134 Charlie's our, uh, stage manager. Anything... Anything he can't do for you, trust me, I can. 389 00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:20,934 That's fine, Mr. DeGorio. Thanks very much. 390 00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:23,100 I'll fill in Mack on the setup, okay? 391 00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,610 Hey, you do that. And, sweetheart, you look like you're starvin'. 392 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,669 What do you say the two of us grab a little lunch? 393 00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,942 Well, l... No, no, no. I insist. 394 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:35,477 Tell you what. We got a bunch of new, uh, sketches that we're gonna break in tonight. 395 00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:38,115 Isn't it gonna be, uh, tough to rehearse without Mr. MacKay? 396 00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:43,390 Him? Well, see, he... Yeah, you know... You know, Mack has never been to Las Vegas before. 397 00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:46,489 L-I saw him earlier. He-He's checkin' out all these one-armed burglars. 398 00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:48,500 Bandits. That too. 399 00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:51,002 - Do you, uh, gamble much? - No, never touch the stuff, really. 400 00:22:51,071 --> 00:22:53,005 I was talkin' to Miss Washarskie. I'm sorry. 401 00:22:53,073 --> 00:22:58,511 It's Turner. I changed it again. No, I really haven't done much gambling. Actually, I never learned how. 402 00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:01,172 Then we're gonna have dinner after the first show, 403 00:23:01,247 --> 00:23:04,978 and I'm gonna give you a personal lesson in how to roll the dice. 404 00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:08,384 Well, I really should... Have dinner with me tonight. Good, that's settled. 405 00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:10,389 That's a great idea. Thanks for askin' us. 406 00:23:10,457 --> 00:23:13,290 Listen, we gotta get to work or we're never gonna be able to pay you back... 407 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,455 for the money that you spent on bringin' us out here, you know? Trust me. You'll be able to pay me back. 408 00:23:17,530 --> 00:23:20,021 And if you don't wanna sing out of another orifice, 409 00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:24,434 I suggest you don't join the young lady and I for, uh, dinner tonight. 410 00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:26,438 Got that? Understood? 411 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,204 Bring an appetite. 412 00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:33,177 Why do I get the feeling that she's gonna end up being the main course? 413 00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:36,443 Why do I get the feeling that I'm gonna be the main course? 414 00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:39,883 Uh, don't-don't worry about him. L-I'll think of something. 415 00:23:39,953 --> 00:23:42,945 And what about Mack? He hasn't spoken two words to us since last night. 416 00:23:43,022 --> 00:23:46,287 I mean, what are we gonna do? 417 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,691 - L-I don't know. - Well, you go on in less than seven hours. 418 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,695 Mack still dies. We don't know how or when, 419 00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:54,494 but the why has got somethin' to do with DeGorio. Maybe you should talk to him. 420 00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:57,661 Well, somebody better. Maybe he's just right about me, 421 00:23:57,737 --> 00:24:01,173 and I should just go back to the Cocono's in the Poconos, forget about the whole thing. 422 00:24:01,241 --> 00:24:03,300 I love that cute rhyme. 423 00:24:03,376 --> 00:24:05,674 No. Well, I'm breaking up the act. 424 00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:09,374 No, you're not. As a matter of fact, you're... You're making the act much better. 425 00:24:09,449 --> 00:24:12,009 No, I'm not. Yes, you are. Now listen. 426 00:24:12,085 --> 00:24:16,647 There have been a whole lot of duos, but there's never been a successful trio. 427 00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:20,056 I don't know... We could be the first. 428 00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:23,357 We will be the first, if I can just figure out how to make Mack understand... 429 00:24:23,429 --> 00:24:26,694 that the reason he can't stand you is... because... 430 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,597 - He's in love with you. - He's in love with you. 431 00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:30,659 Love? But with Mack, 432 00:24:30,737 --> 00:24:33,638 arguing is like the adult version of pulling pigtails. 433 00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:36,573 See, a lot of guys like Mack, they kind oflike, uh... 434 00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:40,238 Well, they think that loving and fighting are kind of the same. 435 00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:42,804 Yeah? Well, it's not for me. Me either. 436 00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:45,248 Look, you said you were crazy about him. 437 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:49,344 You... may have to teach him how to love. 438 00:24:49,422 --> 00:24:52,414 - But he's so angry. - Yeah, well... 439 00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:54,255 After six years of therapy, he'll be fine. 440 00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:58,024 Look, you, uh, go back to your room, okay? Get freshened up. 441 00:24:58,097 --> 00:25:00,031 I'll find Mack. We'll have a heart-to-heart. 442 00:25:00,099 --> 00:25:03,500 Just make sure you're back here for the 4:00 rehearsal. Okay. 443 00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:08,030 Oh, and Davey? Uh, don't tell Mack that I love him. 444 00:25:08,107 --> 00:25:11,543 Oh, no. I'll... I'll let you do that. 445 00:25:11,611 --> 00:25:13,772 Okay. 446 00:25:17,550 --> 00:25:20,747 Okay. Okay, Dr. Jung. Huh? 447 00:25:20,820 --> 00:25:24,119 You tell me what's wrong with Mack since you know so much all of a sudden. 448 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:28,217 Okay. According to Ziggy, uh, Mack has a pattern, see? 449 00:25:28,294 --> 00:25:32,924 Whenever he gets close to success, he changes the act. 450 00:25:32,999 --> 00:25:35,900 Uh, it was Leonard and MacKay in '55, 451 00:25:35,969 --> 00:25:39,234 it was Bonner and MacKay in '56, and now it's you. 452 00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:42,138 But, um... But, um? 453 00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:44,972 The bottom line is, Mack is afraid to get close. 454 00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,069 I thought you said he loved her. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 455 00:25:47,146 --> 00:25:50,115 He does. It's the Woody Allen theory. 456 00:25:50,183 --> 00:25:54,210 Uh, " I don't like myself, so if you like me, you must be a horrible person." 457 00:25:54,287 --> 00:25:57,620 - Or maybe that's the Groucho Marx theory. - Am I missing something? 458 00:25:57,690 --> 00:26:00,386 Uh, no. Mack is a little kid. 459 00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:04,191 He needs... He wants attention, but he can't handle being close, 460 00:26:04,264 --> 00:26:07,461 so does all these crazy things to get people to pay attention to him. 461 00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:10,593 Which is why he got into show business. Yeah. 462 00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:15,698 Then a woman like Frankie comes along... He wants her. She wants him. Right, right, right. So he... 463 00:26:15,775 --> 00:26:19,905 He's afraid of her, so he starts this huge fight to protect himself. Yeah. 464 00:26:19,979 --> 00:26:23,107 Yeah. Yeah, that keeps Frankie off balance and keeps him in control. 465 00:26:23,182 --> 00:26:27,243 Right. And out of a relationship that could possibly make him happy for the rest of his life. 466 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,448 Mmm. Go to the head... of the class. 467 00:26:30,523 --> 00:26:34,459 All right. So I'm obviously here to make sure that Mack and Frankie get together, right? 468 00:26:34,527 --> 00:26:39,294 Well, Ziggy says that there's a 90% chance that if you play Cupid the act can be a success, 469 00:26:39,365 --> 00:26:42,630 and Mack doesn't end up as plant food, and you leap outta here. 470 00:26:42,702 --> 00:26:44,863 Okay. I'm gonna go find Mack. Okay. 471 00:26:50,877 --> 00:26:54,404 It had been a long time since I'd had a heart-to-heart with a friend, 472 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,675 especially over a woman. 473 00:26:56,749 --> 00:26:59,240 The problem was, Mack wasn't a friend, 474 00:26:59,319 --> 00:27:04,723 though there were moments... brief moments... I liked him. 475 00:27:04,791 --> 00:27:08,693 Frankie, on the other hand, deserved a lot better treatment than Mack knew how to give. 476 00:27:08,761 --> 00:27:11,821 I couldn't help wondering whether putting them together was for the best. 477 00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:18,403 Got a second? 478 00:27:20,973 --> 00:27:24,704 Hit me. I would, if I thought it'd do any good. 479 00:27:26,713 --> 00:27:29,580 I got nothin' to say to you, Davey. Hit me again. 480 00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:32,277 W-W-Wait a second. You don't want another card. 481 00:27:32,352 --> 00:27:36,152 Why the hell not? Because you got 18. He's probably got a face card. 482 00:27:38,257 --> 00:27:40,225 Hit me. 483 00:27:40,293 --> 00:27:42,693 Bust. Don't you ever listen to anybody? 484 00:27:42,762 --> 00:27:45,492 Yeah. Anybody who doesn't stab me in the back. 485 00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:52,462 Why don't you just admit it, all right? You love her. 486 00:27:52,538 --> 00:27:56,804 Take a powder. You love her and you're afraid of her. 487 00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:59,140 Why the hell would I be afraid of a broad? 488 00:27:59,212 --> 00:28:03,615 Because she's beautiful, she's intelligent, and she's not afraid to stand up to you, 489 00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:05,617 even though you act like an ogre sometimes. 490 00:28:05,685 --> 00:28:09,177 Just because she's got you wearin' sheep for glasses doesn't make her tough or talented. 491 00:28:09,255 --> 00:28:11,189 Or beautiful. So she looks good. 492 00:28:11,257 --> 00:28:13,521 Come on. You're crazy about her, right? You're nuts. 493 00:28:15,094 --> 00:28:19,588 If I'm so crazy about her, then how come we always fight every time we're together for more than five minutes? 494 00:28:19,665 --> 00:28:23,999 Well, as far as I can tell, it's because that's the only way you know how to relate to a woman you're attracted to. 495 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,999 Yeah, well... She... You... Yeah? 496 00:28:32,078 --> 00:28:34,638 Why the hell'd you have to go and kiss her? Actually, she kissed me. 497 00:28:34,714 --> 00:28:37,615 - Why'd she have to kiss you? - Because she was trying to get your attention. 498 00:28:37,683 --> 00:28:41,119 - Oh, she got my attention. Now everything's ruined. - Nothing is ruined. 499 00:28:41,187 --> 00:28:44,418 Look, Frankie is the kind of a person... Mack... Look, Mack, 500 00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:46,424 she knows how you feel about her. 501 00:28:46,492 --> 00:28:49,256 What she doesn't get is why you treat her like she's... Like what? 502 00:28:49,328 --> 00:28:53,355 Like I'm smart? What happens if she finds out I'm crazy about her, huh? 503 00:28:53,433 --> 00:28:56,800 Then she-she'll go out with me, and then... Then we're really gonna like each other, 504 00:28:56,869 --> 00:28:59,064 and then we're gonna wanna see each other all the time, 505 00:28:59,138 --> 00:29:01,106 and then maybe we're gonna end up gettin' married, 506 00:29:01,174 --> 00:29:03,267 and having kids, and then... 507 00:29:03,342 --> 00:29:07,642 And then we'll buy a house. That's when the trouble really starts, too, 'cause there'll be fights over the bills, 508 00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:10,705 then the anger and the hatred, and then, bam, ends up in divorce. 509 00:29:10,783 --> 00:29:13,809 The next thing you know, we don't talk to each other ever again, and the kids... 510 00:29:13,886 --> 00:29:16,377 Mack, why don't you start by asking her out again? 511 00:29:16,456 --> 00:29:21,155 - What? - Before you ruin your kids' life, take the first step: Ask her out. 512 00:29:21,227 --> 00:29:26,164 But not until we work everything else out on the act tonight before we go look like nerds on stage. 513 00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:30,396 Like what? Never mind. Look, look. Let's just go find Frankie and work on this thing. 514 00:29:30,470 --> 00:29:33,303 Give ourselves a chance. What do you say? 515 00:29:35,208 --> 00:29:37,142 Okay. All right. Come on. Let's go. 516 00:29:37,210 --> 00:29:39,144 I, uh... I came in here for a reason. 517 00:29:44,584 --> 00:29:47,075 Hi! I'm Dave Parker, your man on the street, 518 00:29:47,153 --> 00:29:49,018 and I'm here today with... Supergirl! 519 00:29:49,088 --> 00:29:51,352 And I'm Superman. 520 00:29:51,424 --> 00:29:54,154 So, uh, how do you two superheroes have sex? 521 00:29:54,227 --> 00:29:56,161 Um, vertically. 522 00:29:57,530 --> 00:29:59,464 Switch. Now walk. Now walk, walk, walk. 523 00:29:59,532 --> 00:30:02,000 Oh, that's good. I like it. Yes, I like it. 524 00:30:02,068 --> 00:30:04,002 Yes. Ooh! 525 00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:10,173 Go out. Get like somebody in the audience. Yeah, that's it. 526 00:30:12,245 --> 00:30:16,841 If Burl Ives married Milton Berle, they'd be Burl Berle. Why do you even bother thinking? 527 00:30:16,916 --> 00:30:18,850 Hey, it's no bother at all. Ha. 528 00:30:18,918 --> 00:30:21,409 Why was Ben-Hur a her if he was actually a him? 529 00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:24,650 H-U-R not H-E-R. There you go again, moving your vowels on stage. 530 00:30:24,724 --> 00:30:25,782 I got one for you. Yes? 531 00:30:25,858 --> 00:30:27,587 If you're still listening. 532 00:30:48,014 --> 00:30:49,948 Okay. Okay, we open in 20 minutes. 533 00:30:50,016 --> 00:30:51,950 9:30's your curtain. Okay. 534 00:30:52,018 --> 00:30:55,749 Okay, I'm gonna take a shower and stuff like that, and I will see you guys back here. 535 00:30:55,821 --> 00:30:58,654 Uh, Frankie? Um... Yeah? 536 00:30:58,724 --> 00:31:00,954 I just wanted to tell you, l... I thought you were... 537 00:31:01,027 --> 00:31:04,656 You were really, really great in that, uh, superhero sketch. 538 00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:08,029 You did? Really? Yeah. It just... It needs a little... 539 00:31:08,100 --> 00:31:11,467 Uh, you're gonna be... No, you're gonna be great tonight. 540 00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:14,404 Thank you, Mack. That means a lot comin' from you. 541 00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:20,104 Look, um... I, uh... About what I said before, I just... 542 00:31:20,179 --> 00:31:22,670 I wanted to tell you that I'm-I'm sor... 543 00:31:22,748 --> 00:31:24,773 Um, I'm s-s-sor... 544 00:31:26,252 --> 00:31:30,245 I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay. I knew you didn't mean it. 545 00:31:31,490 --> 00:31:33,924 You did? Yeah, I did. 546 00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:40,431 Frankie, um... Look, I've been crazy about you ever since the first time I saw you at Cocono's, 547 00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:43,161 and-and I've been tryin' to find the words, but every time I do, it just... 548 00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:48,138 It's hard, 'cause l... I can't. I stumble. No, I know. Look, let's just... start over. 549 00:31:50,943 --> 00:31:55,539 Ah, I love happy endings. Don't you? 550 00:31:55,615 --> 00:31:57,549 Let's leap outta here, huh? Yeah. 551 00:31:57,617 --> 00:32:02,054 Well, if Macky and Frankie... If they're all lovey-dovey and everything's gonna be fine, 552 00:32:02,121 --> 00:32:04,180 the trio's gonna be a hit, then, uh... Yeah. 553 00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:08,522 - I should be leapin'now, right? - Yeah, l... I don't have a good feeling about this. 554 00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:10,562 Why not? What's goin' on? 555 00:32:10,630 --> 00:32:12,689 Well, l... What? 556 00:32:12,765 --> 00:32:16,360 - Kind of have the same feeling that Pandora's mother must have had... - Frankie. 557 00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:19,404 - When she opened the box. - I have a little somethin' for you. 558 00:32:19,472 --> 00:32:22,066 I'd like you to wear it when I take you to dinner tonight. 559 00:32:22,141 --> 00:32:25,508 And anything else you'd like to wear under it is, of course, optional. 560 00:32:26,779 --> 00:32:29,543 Well, here 'tis. Come on, baby. Try it on. 561 00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:32,448 - You son of a... - No, Mack! 562 00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:35,386 Easy, easy. Mr. MacKay. 563 00:32:36,822 --> 00:32:39,882 You just made a very big career mistake. 564 00:32:42,228 --> 00:32:44,788 You'rejust like every other woman I've met in my whole life. 565 00:32:44,864 --> 00:32:47,162 You're just... just a user. Another damned user! 566 00:32:47,233 --> 00:32:49,895 Mack. Mack! Mack, I wasn't... 567 00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:54,637 Sam, you changed history. Now they don't go on tonight at all. 568 00:32:54,707 --> 00:32:58,734 And Mack's body is found in the desert... 569 00:32:58,811 --> 00:33:01,075 in 1982. 570 00:33:01,147 --> 00:33:06,744 And 1985. And 1989. 571 00:33:09,121 --> 00:33:11,112 He's lizard food. 572 00:33:15,527 --> 00:33:17,461 Why is this happening? 573 00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:20,657 Because Mack's fuse is shorter than his lifeline. 574 00:33:20,733 --> 00:33:24,066 What am I gonna do? Look, you gotta talk to him, okay? 575 00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:27,469 You tell him you had nothin' to do with DeGorio and his cockamamie dinner fantasy. 576 00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:30,838 - What if he doesn't listen to me? - He's in love with her. He'll never listen. 577 00:33:30,910 --> 00:33:34,903 You make him listen. You tell him. I'm gonna go find DeGorio and try and straighten everything out. 578 00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:39,610 But in the meantime, you make sure that he's here for the show, okay? Now get going. Go. Go, go, go, go, go! 579 00:33:39,685 --> 00:33:42,381 Okay. I'm gonna go back and run some scenarios, 580 00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:44,979 and maybe Ziggy can piece together what happened. 581 00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:47,617 Uh, no pun intended. 582 00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:49,820 I'll see ya. 583 00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:56,728 Mack! Mack! Come back. I want to talk to you. 584 00:33:56,802 --> 00:34:00,636 Just go away. No, no, no, no, no. Not until you listen to me. 585 00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:03,197 I don't have to. My eyes have seen the whole picture. 586 00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:06,108 No. I love you, Mack. Damn it! 587 00:34:06,178 --> 00:34:10,478 I did not have any intention of going out with DeGorio or anyone else. 588 00:34:11,817 --> 00:34:13,944 I'm just not buyin' it, Frankie. 589 00:34:14,019 --> 00:34:17,921 Why don't... Why don't you and Davey just go out there and make it work, okay? 590 00:34:17,990 --> 00:34:22,120 I'm goin' on my own. I don't need him and I definitely don't need you. All right? Yes, you do. 591 00:34:22,194 --> 00:34:24,662 I can make it on my own. 592 00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:29,827 Okay. Okay, you have the talent... 593 00:34:29,902 --> 00:34:32,837 and God knows you have the guts. 594 00:34:34,394 --> 00:34:38,421 But... who you gonna come home to, Mack? 595 00:34:42,097 --> 00:34:45,621 L... I've... I've got... my plants. 596 00:34:47,353 --> 00:34:51,289 Why are you always running away? 597 00:34:52,291 --> 00:34:54,225 You think you understand me, don't you? 598 00:34:55,627 --> 00:35:01,190 You think you... You think you know why I keep a safe distance away from women like you. 599 00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:03,496 Yeah? 600 00:35:03,569 --> 00:35:05,867 Yeah? Well, you... Well, you don't. 601 00:35:05,938 --> 00:35:08,532 You don't understand this much about what makes me tick. 602 00:35:09,675 --> 00:35:15,307 Well, I think I understand that when you were a little kid, 603 00:35:15,381 --> 00:35:19,147 maybe those big muscle guy creeps... 604 00:35:19,218 --> 00:35:24,246 used to pick on you and beat up on you 'cause you were a wimp. 605 00:35:24,323 --> 00:35:27,417 And the only way that you could protect yourself and save your butt... 606 00:35:27,493 --> 00:35:30,360 was to make 'em laugh and be funny, 607 00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:34,490 and God, you've been doin' that for so long, you couldn't stop if you wanted to now, huh? 608 00:35:38,437 --> 00:35:40,530 See? You don't know anything about me. 609 00:35:44,710 --> 00:35:46,837 Why don't you listen to her, Mack? 610 00:35:48,981 --> 00:35:50,915 You don't understand, Davey. 611 00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:54,377 I'll tell you what I understand... 612 00:35:55,954 --> 00:35:59,082 that you're gonna throw away your career... 613 00:35:59,158 --> 00:36:02,594 and a chance at a great relationship in one fell swoop. 614 00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:05,221 And for what? For the... 615 00:36:05,297 --> 00:36:08,926 For the chance to show that everybody else is wrong? 616 00:36:09,001 --> 00:36:10,935 What are you talkin' about? 617 00:36:12,137 --> 00:36:15,937 It just seems to me like you set everybody up to fail, 618 00:36:16,008 --> 00:36:20,968 so that when things go wrong, it's never your fault. 619 00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:26,242 Don't destroy us before we've had a chance. 620 00:36:26,318 --> 00:36:31,017 You gotta trust somebody, Mack. Trust me. 621 00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,758 Okay, okay. Enough of the mushy stuff. 622 00:36:42,835 --> 00:36:45,065 Come on. We got a show to do. 623 00:36:45,137 --> 00:36:47,765 - What about DeGorio? - I'm not worried about him. 624 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,831 Well, you should be worried about him, 625 00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:52,843 'cause I don't know a whole lot of dead comics with great careers goin'. 626 00:36:52,911 --> 00:36:54,845 He's not gonna kill me. Oh, yes, he is. 627 00:36:54,913 --> 00:36:57,381 Ninety percent chance he doesn't make it to the opening show. 628 00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:59,644 Where's your tux? It's in the dressing room. 629 00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:02,881 But I gotta take a shower. No, no. No showers. We're not takin' any more chances. 630 00:37:02,955 --> 00:37:04,889 Now you go get ready and meet us backstage. 631 00:37:04,957 --> 00:37:07,118 Well, I thought you were gonna talk to DeGorio. 632 00:37:07,192 --> 00:37:09,126 Well, nobody can find him. 633 00:37:09,194 --> 00:37:12,630 His odds are going up, Sam. He still gets killed, but the time frame is shifting. 634 00:37:12,698 --> 00:37:16,759 Listen to me. I told his henchman to meet us backstage between shows, 635 00:37:16,835 --> 00:37:18,860 okay, and we'll talk peace. 636 00:37:18,937 --> 00:37:20,928 Now just go get dressed, all right? Hurry up. 637 00:37:28,113 --> 00:37:31,014 Oh, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. So how do I look? And be honest. 638 00:37:31,083 --> 00:37:35,417 Be totally honest, 'cause I think the beads are too much. Will you just relax? You look gorgeous. 639 00:37:35,487 --> 00:37:37,978 Sam, you gotta get outta here. We gotta do the show. 640 00:37:38,056 --> 00:37:40,718 Okay, as soon as the opening act is done. DeGorio's gonna grab Mack. 641 00:37:40,792 --> 00:37:42,726 Look, maybe we shouldn't go on. 642 00:37:42,794 --> 00:37:46,525 I don't know who's more nervous, Frankie or you. 643 00:37:46,598 --> 00:37:51,365 Oh, no. Wait now. Now Ziggy... Now Ziggy's sayin' that you do have to go out and perform, 644 00:37:51,436 --> 00:37:55,065 because Darryl F. Zanuck... Huh? 645 00:37:55,140 --> 00:37:58,541 Is in the audience, and he's gonna sign you to a contract, 646 00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:03,513 and then that's how you meet your wife, and you have three kids, two girls and... Oh, boy. 647 00:38:03,582 --> 00:38:05,880 - Darryl Zanuck? - What? 648 00:38:05,951 --> 00:38:08,249 Uh... Uh... Nothin; 649 00:38:25,037 --> 00:38:28,803 Ladies and gentlemen, a nice hand for Maria Rose! 650 00:38:28,874 --> 00:38:32,776 Yes! Nice job, honey. And now, ladies and gentlemen, 651 00:38:32,844 --> 00:38:36,541 the luxurious lounge here at the all new, fabulous Las Vegas Golden Sand Hotel... 652 00:38:36,615 --> 00:38:41,052 is proud to present the comedy of Parker, MacKay and Fields! 653 00:38:41,119 --> 00:38:43,053 Lets give 'em a warm welcome. Fields? 654 00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:45,055 Oh. Well, I liked Fields the best. 655 00:39:01,373 --> 00:39:04,740 Thank you. You're very, very kind, and you're well-dressed. Hey! 656 00:39:04,810 --> 00:39:07,074 Now how about takin' all that off? 657 00:39:09,414 --> 00:39:12,076 I oughta belt you. Well, you don't have to. I got a cummerbund. 658 00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:16,385 That's a nice look too. Did they give you a set of bagpipes with that? 659 00:39:18,290 --> 00:39:20,485 Yes, they're in my pants. 660 00:40:05,337 --> 00:40:08,829 My brother was just released from an asylum today, and before we... 661 00:40:11,243 --> 00:40:15,179 Before I marry you, I only thought it fair to... 662 00:40:15,247 --> 00:40:19,547 show you our horrible family... tree. 663 00:40:20,986 --> 00:40:25,286 Oh, Leonard, you poor man. 664 00:40:25,357 --> 00:40:27,882 Uh... Uh, what a painful secret. 665 00:40:27,959 --> 00:40:30,655 But you know, your secret is safe with me. 666 00:40:30,729 --> 00:40:32,993 It will never leave my lips. 667 00:40:34,833 --> 00:40:36,767 Is something wrong, my dear? 668 00:40:36,835 --> 00:40:40,566 Oh, no. It's just that those were, uh, plastic grapes. 669 00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:45,406 I love plastic grapes. 670 00:40:46,545 --> 00:40:48,740 It's okay, you see, because Arnold loves plastic. 671 00:40:48,814 --> 00:40:50,748 I love anything plastic. 672 00:40:50,816 --> 00:40:54,115 He... He loves anything plastic. 673 00:40:54,186 --> 00:40:56,950 He really does. And I think... 674 00:40:58,190 --> 00:41:00,488 that he really likes you too, my dear. 675 00:41:00,559 --> 00:41:03,460 I really like you. I really, really like you. 676 00:41:28,053 --> 00:41:30,817 MacKay... And Fields! 677 00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:32,823 Thank you. 678 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,965 The fabulous comedy stylings of Parker, MacKay and Fields. 679 00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:56,002 Let's bring 'em out one more time, with a big round of applause for Parker, MacKay and Fields. 680 00:41:56,081 --> 00:41:58,675 Ho! Yeah! 681 00:41:58,750 --> 00:42:01,048 You can't do this. I'm in the middle of a show. 682 00:42:01,119 --> 00:42:05,681 Sam, they're snatchin' Mack! Two big ugly guys with noses for faces! Hurry up! 683 00:42:05,757 --> 00:42:08,351 They're takin' him down the stairs! 684 00:42:35,854 --> 00:42:39,688 All right. Everybody hold it right there. 685 00:42:39,758 --> 00:42:43,353 Now look, this ain't got nothin' to do with you two. 686 00:42:43,428 --> 00:42:45,555 This is between Mr. MacKay and Mr. DeGorio. 687 00:42:45,630 --> 00:42:48,326 So if you two wouldjust get lost and forget about this, 688 00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,368 I'd be more than happy to let you keep breathin'. 689 00:42:50,435 --> 00:42:54,838 Sam, you're all gonna end up dead unless you do something about this right here and right now. 690 00:42:54,906 --> 00:42:57,374 You know, killin' us isn't gonna solve anything. 691 00:42:57,442 --> 00:42:59,501 Who said anything about killin' anybody? 692 00:42:59,578 --> 00:43:02,638 Oh, so you brought the terminator and his evil twin as an escort service? 693 00:43:02,714 --> 00:43:06,980 Look, if we could just have a conversation with Mr. DeGorio, I'm sure we could work all this out. 694 00:43:07,052 --> 00:43:11,785 And, uh, what makes you so sure of that? 695 00:43:11,857 --> 00:43:14,382 Joey, it's not too bright to shoot off a gun in the club. 696 00:43:16,328 --> 00:43:19,923 Mr. DeGorio, if you kill Mack tonight, 697 00:43:21,366 --> 00:43:24,665 sooner or later someone is gonna report him missing, 698 00:43:24,736 --> 00:43:26,670 and then everybody's gonna know it was you. 699 00:43:28,173 --> 00:43:32,872 Missing and dead are very different things, Mr. Parker. And no body... 700 00:43:34,846 --> 00:43:38,441 - means no charges. - He's right, Sam. Hassles, but no charges. 701 00:43:38,517 --> 00:43:40,542 Yeah, but don't you see that... 702 00:43:42,654 --> 00:43:46,055 none of this would've happened at all if-if... 703 00:43:46,124 --> 00:43:48,092 - if you... if you... - Me? 704 00:43:48,159 --> 00:43:50,286 - Yeah. - Be careful. This is a life and death situation. 705 00:43:50,362 --> 00:43:54,128 Yeah, if you had-hadn't come on to... 706 00:43:54,199 --> 00:43:56,190 Mack's fiancée. 707 00:43:56,268 --> 00:43:58,759 Whoa. What was that? 708 00:43:58,837 --> 00:44:02,295 Um... That's right, Mr. DeGorio. 709 00:44:02,374 --> 00:44:05,241 See, that's why I didn't wanna go out with you, because... 710 00:44:05,310 --> 00:44:07,904 because Mack and I are... 711 00:44:12,150 --> 00:44:14,277 Engaged. 712 00:44:14,352 --> 00:44:16,820 Yeah, we're very, very engaged. 713 00:44:24,296 --> 00:44:27,163 Well, why didn't anybody tell me these two were engaged? 714 00:44:29,968 --> 00:44:33,836 Frankie, sweetheart, 715 00:44:33,905 --> 00:44:35,839 I wish you the best. 716 00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:42,305 MacKay... Don't ever hit me again. Now come here. 717 00:44:42,380 --> 00:44:46,316 We're gonna have the wedding at this club, on me. I'm gonna take you down the aisle. 718 00:44:46,384 --> 00:44:49,785 We're gonna have a band, a party... Joey, I love weddings! 719 00:44:52,090 --> 00:44:56,925 Well, you did it, Sam, and, uh... You got somethin' on your face. 720 00:44:56,995 --> 00:44:58,929 Uh... 721 00:44:58,997 --> 00:45:02,865 Frankie and Mack go on as MacKay and MacKay and they have a successful nightclub career. 722 00:45:02,934 --> 00:45:05,698 They even have a couple of Broadway hits that they write. 723 00:45:05,770 --> 00:45:11,265 Then they... They move to Connecticut, and, uh, they're still married today. 724 00:45:11,343 --> 00:45:14,403 What-What are... What are... What are you gonna do with that pie? 725 00:45:16,715 --> 00:45:18,740 Sam? Sam? 726 00:45:20,118 --> 00:45:23,349 What are you thinkin' of do-do-doin' with that pie, Sam? Now, come on. 727 00:45:23,421 --> 00:45:27,721 Sam, what are you... What are you... What are you gonna do with that pie, Sam? You wouldn't... 728 00:45:31,730 --> 00:45:34,631 Um... 729 00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:37,668 Say good night, Gracie. 730 00:45:57,989 --> 00:45:59,980 Hey, sailor. 731 00:46:02,927 --> 00:46:05,760 The ocean makes me feel so sexy. 732 00:46:13,906 --> 00:46:15,840 Oh, boy.