WEBVTT 1 00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:04,656 [laughs] 2 00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:08,008 ♪ 3 00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:11,750 [shrieks] 4 00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,931 [school bell rings] 5 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,326 [burps] 6 00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:25,199 [tires screech] 7 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,244 D'oh! 8 00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,072 [grunts] 9 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,118 [1960s-style sitcom theme playing] 10 00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:39,126 HOMER: My Three Kids. 11 00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,615 WILLIE: Everyone, out of my kitchen! 12 00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:56,143 Brandine, do I come off as a yokel or a hayseed? 13 00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,101 Well, you are versatile, darlin'. 14 00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,930 You can play anyone in the trailer trash spectrum. 15 00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:04,238 A-yeah, I'm a regular Benedict Cabbage-Patch. 16 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,456 [chuckles] 17 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,763 RALPH: Meow! 18 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,808 Community thespians, 19 00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:13,290 today we returnto turn-of-the-century Oklahoma. 20 00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,945 Farm boys are farming. Cowboys are cowing. 21 00:01:15,988 --> 00:01:18,556 And, Carl, do you think your character Ike Skidmore 22 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,125 is bringing his cell phone to the box social in 1906? 23 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,127 I see him as a forward-thinking guy, 24 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,911 a tech first adopter. 25 00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:29,045 You know how I see him? Not played by you! 26 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,352 Lenny, get yourself out of that horse's patoot. 27 00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,918 You're Ike Skidmore. 28 00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,399 Yee-haw! A speaking part! 29 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,401 This is gonna be tan-fastic. 30 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:40,578 Geez, don't make it into a song and dance. 31 00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:43,581 ♪ I've got spurs that jingle, jangle, jing... ♪ 32 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,017 [exclaims] 33 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,281 My spur's stuck in my eye! 34 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,978 Carl, you're back in. 35 00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,327 Well, only with Lenny's blessing. 36 00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:53,156 -You don't have it. -I'm doing it anyway. 37 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,420 Okay, Marge, this is your big song number. 38 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:59,771 You're Ado Annie, the girl who cain't say no. 39 00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,774 Now, do you have any qualms about playing this part? 40 00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:06,256 -No. -Wrong, wrong! You cain't say no. 41 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,866 Now, where's my handsome Curly? 42 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,433 Right here. 43 00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:12,393 Now, this I can work with. 44 00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:13,350 HOMER: Okay, Maggie, 45 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,439 what shall we do while Mommy rehearses? 46 00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:16,962 The dog track is closed. 47 00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,355 You can come visit me! 48 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:19,965 I didn't hear that. 49 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,185 Hmm, what shall we do? 50 00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:25,188 Why is this place so popular? 51 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:28,017 Do they serve booze? Is it a baby fight club? 52 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,888 Is there a big-screen TV? 53 00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,108 Do they serve booze? Are there free doughnuts? 54 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,414 Meet Batman? 55 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,893 [gasps] Do they serve booze? 56 00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:36,982 [baby talk]: We're going to find out. 57 00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:39,985 Why in the hell is Daddy and Me class packed? 58 00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:43,902 You'll understand everything when Chloe comes out. 59 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,687 Quiet, quiet, she's coming. 60 00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,558 I borrowed my granddaughter just for this. 61 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,647 I said I was taking her to feed the ducks. 62 00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,649 [scoffs] Like I have bread money. 63 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:52,824 -Hi, dads. -[dads greet] 64 00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:55,566 Who's ready to do the wiggle worm dance? 65 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:58,003 I vant to viggle like the vorm, ja. 66 00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,049 ♪ A wiggle worm giggles ♪ 67 00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,877 ♪ And a wiggle worm waggles ♪ 68 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,489 ♪ Let's all wiggle like the wiggle worm does. ♪ 69 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:09,363 Oh, I get it, she's sexy. 70 00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:10,929 [growls] 71 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,627 Maggie! How long have you been here? 72 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:15,412 ♪ 73 00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:18,459 Why does this line say "Curt" when I'm talking to Curly? 74 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,375 No, you see, "curt" is in parentheses. 75 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:23,681 It tells you how to say the line. 76 00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:26,118 Obviously lying-- yeah, no, I knew that. 77 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:29,383 Impressed noise. You really know your stuff. 78 00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:30,601 Okay, actors, 79 00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,473 in the words of William Shakespeare, 80 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,475 find your "X" and shut up. 81 00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,477 Geez, all right, easy. 82 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,958 All I ask is that you give me the performance 83 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:43,832 I have pictured in my head but have not communicated to you. 84 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:47,139 Our curtain opens on sun-drenched fields 85 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:50,186 of undulating golden corn. 86 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,493 ♪ O... ♪ 87 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:55,147 Stop, stop, stop! 88 00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,932 This set is terrible. 89 00:03:56,975 --> 00:04:00,109 That corn isn't as high as an elephant's eye. 90 00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:02,720 Oh, you wanted the corn to be high. 91 00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,506 I have never seen such incompetence and idiocy 92 00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,724 in a theater. 93 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:09,379 You have made me hate you all. 94 00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:12,382 Excuse my salty language in front of Aunt Eller, 95 00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,949 but why don't you just take a hike? 96 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,951 [gasps] Oh. 97 00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,561 Get lost. 98 00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,305 Losing temper, we don't want you here. 99 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:26,135 Turns to cast, I saved the play. 100 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,529 Marge, surely you want me to stay. 101 00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,400 Actually, no. 102 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:34,796 For the last time, that's the one word you cain't say. 103 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,102 This is mine. I brought it from home. 104 00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,452 Now what do we do? 105 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:41,324 I learned-a to speak like-a the Oklahoma for this? 106 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,718 Con-a sarn it. 107 00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:46,242 [grunting] 108 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,158 Everyone, stop, just stop. 109 00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,594 Chief, no more gunplay. 110 00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,596 But I wanna. 111 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,685 [indistinct yelling] 112 00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,601 Just listen to me! 113 00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:00,169 What if I directed the play? 114 00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:03,477 Hey, that's a good idea. I mean,she directs Homer and the kids 115 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,000 out of the house every morning. 116 00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,741 And I direct traffic. 117 00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:08,395 That's a stupid analogy. 118 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:11,136 I think Marge makes us all feel good about ourselves. 119 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,443 [sighs]: Mmm. 120 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,402 Yelling in unison. 121 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:18,709 ALL: Marge! Marge! Marge! Yay! 122 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:22,147 Wait a minute, if thisis a real gun, where's the prop? 123 00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:24,367 [gasps] Poor Lou. 124 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,151 All right, you asked for it. 125 00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:29,372 Uh, wh-wh-who wants Oklahoma!tickets? Front row. 126 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,591 I can get you three together. 127 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:40,470 [groans] This is a really complicated show. 128 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,602 So much gingham. 129 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,213 We need a show that we can actually pull off 130 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:45,475 in Springfield. 131 00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:48,609 Small cast, simple sets, and some hip-hop, 132 00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,437 but not real hip-hop. 133 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,613 Great, but I got to be someplace, 134 00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,571 so, real quick, the best kind of original show 135 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:57,269 is one that rips off a big hit.What's the biggest hit? 136 00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,619 Hellzapoppin'! 137 00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:01,404 No, Hamilton by Lin-Manuel Miranda. 138 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,101 Oh, the guy from In the Heights. 139 00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,756 Now, how did I know that? I'm back! 140 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,890 All right, who's our Alexander Hamilton? 141 00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:12,328 That would be me. Thanks to this furnace filter, 142 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,679 you won't be saying "burr" anymore. 143 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:20,205 No, our most famous historical figure... 144 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,425 [gasps] Jebediah Springfield! 145 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,559 I'll write a musical biography,warts and all. 146 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,474 I can't see how that could fail. 147 00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,433 Now I'm in a hurry-- Maggieand I have a Daddy and Me class. 148 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,043 Aren't you forgetting something? 149 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:34,524 Keys, wallet, I don't think so. 150 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:37,005 [chuckling]: Oh, sure. I'm happy to take Maggie. 151 00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,572 You sure like that class. 152 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:42,576 Oh, uh, some dads just love to be with their little girls. 153 00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,621 -Can I go? -Sorry, no. 154 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,276 "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. 155 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:48,799 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall." 156 00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,279 Oh... 157 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:53,891 Poor little eggy, leaking your goo. 158 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:58,287 The Red Queen's not looking, I'll kiss your boo-boo. 159 00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:01,159 Humpty J. Dumpty, are you eating yourself? 160 00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,379 Maybe. 161 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,123 [Marge groans] 162 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,778 Excuse me, excuse me, pal. Take care of your kid. 163 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,564 I-I'm so sorry. I was just... 164 00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:16,740 Yeah, I know what you were just. 165 00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:17,915 LISA: Let's see... 166 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:21,397 killed a bear, founded a town, died of a beaver bite. 167 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,703 Lis, you're gonna love it. 168 00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,878 I came up with the perfect opening. 169 00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:25,488 Okay... 170 00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:28,665 [clears throat] ♪ Lisa is so stupid, so very, very stupid ♪ 171 00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:32,539 ♪ So dumb and stupid and smelly, too ♪ 172 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:35,672 ♪ She has a real bad temper, a bad, bad temper ♪ 173 00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:38,501 ♪ And she's smelly, too! ♪ 174 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,503 You're just motivating me. 175 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,505 I need to finish this. 176 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,072 [whimpers] 177 00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,553 Ah, my muse. 178 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:48,511 MARGE: Okay, 179 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,861 my first day as director. [sighs] 180 00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:53,124 So hard to dress for respect. 181 00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:57,128 No. No. 182 00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,130 No. 183 00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,915 Got it. 184 00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:05,789 [gasps] 185 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,793 Hey-a, buddy, what'll it be? 186 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,142 Moe, it's me. 187 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,623 Midge! I thought it was Hillary Clinton. 188 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,190 Give me a vodka, straight up. 189 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,235 Are you sure you're not Hillary? 190 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:22,153 Our new production will be Bloody Bloody Jebediah, 191 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,939 a hip-hop musical about our city's founder. 192 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,680 Is it respectful? 193 00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,159 Not entirely. 194 00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,552 What?! 195 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,772 Why don't we start by going around the circle 196 00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:33,338 and saying what parts we're playing. 197 00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,905 I'm Marge, the director. 198 00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:36,951 Luann, Jebediah's wife. 199 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:41,172 Carl, Quarrelsome Settler. I gota bone to pick with this part. 200 00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:42,957 Beautiful, use it. Next. 201 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,003 Lenny, Mayor of Shelbyville and an ostrich. 202 00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:52,619 Frink, tech crew. Always crew. 203 00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:55,622 Hollywood only lets in one Bill Nye in a generation. 204 00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,841 [exclaims] With the nerdy and the hoyvik 205 00:08:57,885 --> 00:09:00,757 and the reference only I understand. 206 00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:04,848 And, of course, our incredible star, Sideshow Mel. 207 00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:06,763 Finally not a sidekick. 208 00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:09,287 This is my time to shine. 209 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,725 Your first line is on page 37. 210 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:12,769 What?! 211 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,511 ♪ Yo, Jebediah survived the pox ♪ 212 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,860 ♪ Never used clocks ♪ 213 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,993 ♪ Didn't wear socks, that's what we learned ♪ 214 00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:22,257 ♪ From examining his docs, and now the mic drops. ♪ 215 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,693 Boom, et cetera. 216 00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,695 -[groans] -Krusty, what's wrong? 217 00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,654 It's happened-- the worst possible thing 218 00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,830 that can happen to a performer. 219 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,048 What do you mean? 220 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,615 I'm in an article entitled, 221 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,269 "Where Are They Now?" 222 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,706 [sobs] 223 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,230 Right above Judd Nelson and New Coke. 224 00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,189 I'll tell you where Judd Nelson is. 225 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:44,018 He's on my show tonight. [sobs] 226 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,240 Ah. Fantastic! 227 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,764 What's that thing you were doing? 228 00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:54,419 Oh, uh, local theater. You wouldn't be interested. 229 00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,770 Hey, I'm a performer, an artist, 230 00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,294 which means I'm always interested in money. 231 00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:02,297 Live theater is the only thing getting ratings these days. 232 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:03,472 Who owns the rights? 233 00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:06,214 A Mrs. Marge Simpson. 234 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:09,696 Oh, really? Let's see what kind of bargain 235 00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,350 Mrs. Marge Simpson drives. 236 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,832 So you'll get 80% of the profits 237 00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:18,705 while I get foreign distributionrights in Venezuela 238 00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:20,794 for a window of three weeks. 239 00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,144 [chuckles nervously, groans] 240 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,451 So my little show's gonna be on TV live? 241 00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:28,845 Yep. This is the first time a woman has signed something 242 00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,500 with me where I didn't lose custody of something. 243 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,067 So where will we stage it? 244 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,809 Outside, where the lighting is free. 245 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,898 Ooh, are you sure that's not risky? 246 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:41,031 Well, some would say I'm takinga risk with an original play 247 00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:45,296 and a first-time director, butshow business is based on risks. 248 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,864 Risks and comic books. Excuse me. 249 00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:49,866 [chuckles] 250 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:53,914 So, Marge, are you ready to beg me to come back? 251 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:57,047 Actually, Llewellyn, we're doing fine on our own. 252 00:10:57,091 --> 00:11:00,050 No need to grovel. You don't actually have to say anything. 253 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,530 Okay, fine, I'll come back. 254 00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,706 No one's asking you to come back. 255 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,100 You know what? Just for that, I won't come back. 256 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:09,886 -Fine. -Please, I'm begging you, take me back. 257 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,063 All right, but beware, 258 00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,892 hell hath no fury like a director scorned. 259 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,502 Now, if you'll excuse me, 260 00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:20,114 I have to sneak my headshot onto the wall. 261 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,551 And poof. 262 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:23,944 You're flushed, Plummer. 263 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,424 I hired you to bus tables. 264 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,910 -Hmm? -I'm researching a role. 265 00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,956 [chomps] 266 00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,310 Now, Mom, before you go into that production meeting, 267 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:46,096 I want to pass along a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald. 268 00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:50,100 "Great art is the contemptof a great woman for small art." 269 00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:53,103 He actually said "man," but he'd have wanted me to change it. 270 00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:55,540 Didn't he also say, "Show me a hero 271 00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,978 and I'll write you a tragedy"? 272 00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:00,676 Yes, but he also said, 273 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,853 "Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." 274 00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:05,420 But didn't he also say, 275 00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:08,205 "There are no second acts in American lives"? 276 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,207 Just get in the meeting! 277 00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,470 The bagels are getting hard. 278 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,994 [grunts happily] 279 00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:16,039 [doorbell rings] 280 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,347 [chuckles] There's my Jebediah. 281 00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,784 Marge, I'm leaving the show 282 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,265 to fulfill a lifelong dream-- 283 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,920 playing Prospero in The Tempest. 284 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,704 You can't quit now. 285 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,271 We're live in three days. 286 00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:32,273 We have no understudy. 287 00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:36,059 And you were gonna bringthe edibles for the wrap party. 288 00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:38,061 Not my problem. 289 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:40,977 There's nothing I enjoy more than watching a director 290 00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:44,415 trying to talk an actor out of leaving for a better part. 291 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,809 [cackles] Dramatic twist! 292 00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,860 ♪ Sing a song of sixpence, a pocketful of rye ♪ 293 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:57,472 ♪ Four and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie. ♪ 294 00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:59,256 [cawing, chirping] 295 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,868 Stay in there, you stupid blackbirds! 296 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,173 [screeching] 297 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,175 Darling, you're supposed to kill the blackbirds 298 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,264 before you put them in the pie. 299 00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:09,527 Homie, Homie. 300 00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:10,964 [screeching] 301 00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:13,096 -Homie. Homie. -Blackbirds! Blackbirds! 302 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:14,619 Homie, wake up. 303 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,099 What are you dreaming about? 304 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:17,971 Uh, Daddy and Me class. 305 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,103 You are a great father. 306 00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:23,063 Oh, I wish I felt like a great director. 307 00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,674 Fine, if you want me to quit the class, I'll do it. 308 00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,328 Who said anything about quitting? 309 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:30,287 I've had enough people quit on me today. 310 00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:32,724 Marge, anyone who can raise two girls and two boys 311 00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,465 the way you're doing can do anything. 312 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,511 You're gonna make it. 313 00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,514 I've got a special announcement today. 314 00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,211 You're gonna wear the perfume I bought you? 315 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,517 Even better. 316 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,084 Barry's divorce came through, 317 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:47,130 so I'm able to leave this classand marry him. 318 00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:49,480 Come on up, Barry. 319 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,004 [all groaning] 320 00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:52,657 Later, losers. 321 00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,138 Barry's not sitting cross-legged anymore. 322 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,574 Uh, why him? 323 00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:58,054 Maybe I have the cutest baby. 324 00:13:58,098 --> 00:14:00,448 Or maybe the first words I got her to say were 325 00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,232 "I love you, Chloe." 326 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,800 [gibbering]: I love you, Chloe. 327 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,455 We sang "Wheels on the Bus" together. 328 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,022 Well, that's it. Time to... 329 00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,589 [stammers] Where's the baby I brought? 330 00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:15,506 Ah, geez. I won't be dating her grandma anymore. 331 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,465 [indistinct chatter] 332 00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,946 So I guess we're not doing the class. 333 00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:26,126 Wait a minute, the part youliked was spending time with me? 334 00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:30,173 Aw. Well, I'll always dance with you, sweetie. 335 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:33,524 ♪ 336 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,527 Hmm? [gasping] 337 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:37,877 [strains] 338 00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,968 Okay, no pressure, but I need to find a new lead 339 00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:43,970 in the next 15 minutes. 340 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,188 Preferably a name. 341 00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:46,973 Is Bumblebee Man available? 342 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,410 No, he's playing Don Quixote in Man of La Mancha. 343 00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:52,979 Damn it. Why is this town's theater scene so vibrant? 344 00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:56,069 I'm here to audition for the part of Macbeth. 345 00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,505 It's not Macbeth. 346 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,072 -Is it Macduff? -Not Macduff. 347 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,988 Well, there's no other parts worth playing! 348 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,554 That's it. We're doomed. 349 00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:05,165 We'll just have a bake sale. 350 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,862 Will you serve haggis? 351 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,603 -No. -I'm out. 352 00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:11,998 [deep voice]: ♪ A pioneer with no fear ♪ 353 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,000 ♪ Shooting deer ♪ 354 00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,002 ♪ On the frontier... ♪ 355 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,829 Spotlight that singer. 356 00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:21,398 ♪ And the crowds all cheer ♪ 357 00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:24,445 ♪ Jebediah Springfield ♪ 358 00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:28,449 ♪ Found the town right here. ♪ 359 00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:29,972 [regular voice]: Yes, glavin, it's me, 360 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:35,325 with the Gomer Pyle voice and the unexpectedly good singing. 361 00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:36,631 You've got the part. 362 00:15:36,674 --> 00:15:37,632 [deep voice]: ♪ Thank you. ♪ 363 00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,068 Save your voice. 364 00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:42,071 [regular voice]: All right, then. 365 00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:43,638 [thunder rolls] 366 00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:46,467 Marge, as your producer, I'm gonna inform you of a problem, 367 00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,686 then blame you if you can't solve it. 368 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,688 [sighs] Now what? 369 00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:53,430 There's one thing a first-time director cannot control. 370 00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:54,649 Bruce Willis? 371 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,259 No, the weather. 372 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,870 -Marge, it's going to rain during the show. -How hard? 373 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:02,918 Well, let's just say I hope youliked the movie Waterworld. 374 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,616 Ambitious, eh, but unsatisfying. 375 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,618 You might want to consider canceling. 376 00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,621 I don't know much about showbiz,but I know one thing: 377 00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:12,797 the show must go on. 378 00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:14,625 Huh? I never heard that before. 379 00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,845 Really? Well, tell me to break a leg. 380 00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,456 Why would I do that? It's violent and cruel. 381 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,068 Well-- there's no business like show business. 382 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,634 Nah, nah, now that's not true. 383 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,071 Most show business companies 384 00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:27,247 are part of much larger conglomerates. 385 00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,162 Just get the hell out. 386 00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,033 ThatI've heard before. 387 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,035 [grunts] 388 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,254 Hmm. 389 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,430 Going live. Break a leg, everyone. 390 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,432 -MAN: What? -MAN 2: Why would you wish that? 391 00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,129 LENNY: You're mean. 392 00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:43,045 [piano playing] 393 00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:45,221 ♪ Let me tell you about a mystery ♪ 394 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:46,657 ♪ Of our city's history ♪ 395 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,485 ♪ An out-of-towner was our founder ♪ 396 00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:50,270 ♪ Despite his latent bigotry ♪ 397 00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:52,489 ♪ How did this pioneer domineer ♪ 398 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,318 ♪ Persevere, then die right here? ♪ 399 00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:58,495 ♪ Before the tire fire, a man named Jebediah ♪ 400 00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:02,021 -♪ Made Springfield the new frontier... ♪ -[mouthing] 401 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,154 Cue camera three. 402 00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:06,503 Cue Bart. 403 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,506 Whoa. 404 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:13,336 [deep voice]: ♪ That's right, my name is Jebediah Springfield ♪ 405 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:16,339 ♪ There is none to whom I yield ♪ 406 00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,124 ♪ No king to whom I've kneeled ♪ 407 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:22,998 ♪ Tonight my secrets are revealed ♪ 408 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:31,267 ♪ Jebediah Springfield ♪ 409 00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,273 [hip-hop beat playing] 410 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:40,711 ♪ Now, this bear and I are one and the same ♪ 411 00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:43,584 ♪ He gave his life so that I could have fame ♪ 412 00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:46,587 ♪ Jebediah Springfield. ♪ 413 00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:48,154 MARGE: Cut to commercial. 414 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:51,766 That's a cut to commercial, everyone. 415 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,376 John Lithgow? 416 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,248 I like to work. 417 00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,467 -Oh, uh, line, please? -"Grrr." 418 00:17:57,511 --> 00:18:00,209 No, you fool, a rescue line. 419 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:01,776 Mom, what do we do? 420 00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:03,386 Improvise. 421 00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:06,172 Lisa, I need a five-minute rap about the cruelty of the sea 422 00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,783 and the brave souls who rise above it. 423 00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:11,829 No problem. Can I make sly analogies to today's politics? 424 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,048 No. You'll date it. 425 00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,574 ♪ The bullets flew like rain ♪ 426 00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,054 ♪ As buffalo were slain... ♪ 427 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,796 Who wants to change the channel? 428 00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,624 Eh, either they're all dead or it's a hit. 429 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,191 Fifty-fifty. 430 00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,584 [gasps] 431 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:31,501 ♪ And now I have a raging fever ♪ 432 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:35,201 ♪ Bitten by a rabid beaver ♪ 433 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:38,160 ♪ I didn't fight for equal rights ♪ 434 00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:42,817 ♪ I wish I'd done more for non-whites ♪ 435 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:47,169 ♪ But no more time for Jebediah ♪ 436 00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:52,174 ♪ All that's left to do ♪ 437 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:55,612 ♪ Is ♪ 438 00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:58,224 ♪ Die-a. ♪ 439 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,269 [groans in regular voice] 440 00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,187 [cheering] 441 00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,971 BARNEY: In unison... 442 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,843 AUDIENCE [chanting]: Marge! Marge! Marge! 443 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,759 This is the happiest moment... [choking] 444 00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:14,805 Careers are getting shorter than ever these days. 445 00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:19,810 Marge, we got the highest ratingin modern TV history. 446 00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:21,595 A 0.6! 447 00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,466 Congratulations. 448 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:27,992 I did it. I directeda popular off-Broadway musical. 449 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:30,821 And I wrote a popular off-Broadway musical. 450 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,520 And I caught an octopus on Main Street. What a day. 451 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:39,482 And the winnerfor Outstanding Lead Performance 452 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,005 in a Play or Musical. 453 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:44,095 Oh, mein Gott!It's Sideshow Mel for The Tempest. 454 00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:46,359 [Krusty the Clown Show theme song playing] 455 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:50,450 Barbara, you can put the kids to bed now. 456 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,714 Is what I'd like to say, but I'm childless. 457 00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:57,500 "One pie to the groin won't do damage," they said. 458 00:19:57,544 --> 00:19:59,154 They were wrong! 459 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,461 12 nominations, zero awards. 460 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,811 Welcome to Club Snub, Marge. 461 00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,814 Feel the bile rising, the bitterness that will never... 462 00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:10,948 PRESENTER: And a special award for Best Newcomer, Marge Simpson. 463 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,733 -[gasps] -Damn it! 464 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,264 ♪ Ah, hell, give me ♪ 465 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:25,398 ♪ A white wine spritzer ♪ 466 00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,313 ♪ Ah, hell, give me ♪ 467 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:31,360 ♪ A white wine spritzer ♪ 468 00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:55,341 ♪ You ♪ 469 00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:57,995 ♪ Only ♪ 470 00:20:58,039 --> 00:20:59,475 ♪ Live... ♪ 471 00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:01,347 -FRINK [deep voice]: ♪ The end. ♪ -Shh!