WEBVTT

1
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Whee!

2
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Uh-oh. Aah!

3
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♪

4
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D'oh!

5
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(grunts)

6
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D'oh!

7
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Sir, I've prepared
your year-end finance report.

8
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Initiate ocular scan mode.

9
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Illuminate...

10
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,002
and recalibrate.

11
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Gah! Unthinkable! The horror!

12
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This is the first year
my earnings

13
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are lower than the year before.

14
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I'm sorry, sir.

15
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These days,
enlightened people like solar,

16
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and the consciously evil
prefer fracking.

17
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(sputters)
Wh-Why, if this continues,

18
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in 150 years
I'll be out on the street.

19
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Sir, sir, sir,
I'm sure there's some sort

20
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of inessential line item

21
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-that no one will miss.
-Mm-hmm.

22
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Effective immediately:

23
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children's health care will
be cut from workers' benefits.

24
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(booing)

25
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This meeting is over. God bless
the United States of America

26
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and release the hounds.

27
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(barking)

28
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Oh, I got three kids,
and they've all got health.

29
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I am so cursed.

30
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That's what you get
for having a family.

31
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(chuckles)
I'm gonna die like I lived:

32
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nice and lonely.

33
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(chuckles)
Sweet.

34
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Maybe we can get the kids
government health care.

35
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Oh, sorry, Marge,
that's gone, remember?

36
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Because of those corporate
tax cuts we all wanted?

37
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I didn't want them.

38
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(laughs): You say so now,
but I remember you back then.

39
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(high-pitched voice):
"Ooh, corporate tax cuts.

40
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Makers not takers."

41
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Oh, every time
Ann Coulter has a cold,

42
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you think she's me.

43
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I'm sorry, honey.
We'll just have to cut back

44
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on the kids' meds.

45
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Back in my day,
children didn't need no meds!

46
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You just gave 'em
a slug of whiskey

47
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and sent 'em off to school.

48
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And if they lost their snowshoe,

49
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you'd beat 'em
with the other one!

50
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That's how we raised the
generation that lost Vietnam.

51
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Bart, your old attention
deficit disorder medicine

52
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isn't covered
by insurance anymore,

53
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so we'll have to use a cheaper
drug that's just as good.

54
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So goodbye, Focusyn.

55
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Hello, Chillaxodol.

56
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Mm.

57
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Mom, I was just
on hypochondria.edu,

58
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and I think
you should see something.

59
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,059
Are you giving
your precious child

60
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the generic ADD medication
Chillaxodol?

61
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:44,832
Yes. Why?

62
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Your child may experience
unwanted side effects,

63
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including headaches...

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painful spasms...

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(babbling)

66
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...dry mouth...

67
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(gasps)
Ah.

68
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-...and whiskers...
-Mm!

69
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...musical flatulence...

70
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(farting rhythmically)

71
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...involuntary
Memphis juking...

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♪

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...sudden relocation...

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MARGE:
Hmm? Mm.

75
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...and a symptom
that can only be described

76
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as "dolphining."

77
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(squeaking)

78
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(gasps)

79
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If you or a loved one

80
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is experiencing
any of these side effects,

81
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you would do well to remember

82
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that life is
heartless and brutal,

83
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and the cosmos
is indifferent to us all.

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I'd say goodbye,
but what's the point?

85
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(horn honks)

86
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-(tires screech)
-(thud)

87
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Without insurance,
we'll just have to go to...

88
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(sighs)
Dr. Nick.

89
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Sorry, everybody.

90
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Remember, if at any time
you become a dog,

91
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then I can medicine you.

92
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No hope.
There's no hope here.

93
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Hmm. "The healing magic
of crystals."

94
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(sighs) Well,
I've tried everything else.

95
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Shalom, kind queen.

96
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I mean the "hello" shalom,
but also the "peace" one.

97
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How can I soothe you?

98
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Wow. That was a lot just now.

99
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:22,496
But yet it's only a snippet
of the cosmic conversation.

100
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Look, my son is having
bad side effects

101
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,400
from his ADD meds.

102
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His father wants him
to join football

103
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for a nice, calming concussion.

104
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I have just the thing for you.

105
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Crystals?

106
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,477
Healing crystals.

107
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I am pretty desperate.

108
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Crystals are a timeless database

109
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of energy,
knowledge and sparkling.

110
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Scientists are finally waking up

111
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to what pyramids
have known all along.

112
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(like Dracula):
I vant to suck your money.

113
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Uh, maybe I could just buy
a couple rocks and go.

114
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Oh, they're more than rocks.

115
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They make
great stocking stuffers.

116
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And for Hanukkah?

117
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Uh, useless.

118
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(scraping nearby)

119
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MARGE:
Hey.

120
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Bart, it's time
for your ADD treatment.

121
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Aah...

122
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aah, aah, aah.

123
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Hmm, maybe he's
a little overtrained.

124
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It's not a pill.

125
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Ooh, a suppository.

126
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Fill 'er up.

127
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It's not a drug.

128
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I want you to try these.

129
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Hmm...

130
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(explosion)

131
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I believe.

132
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(humming a tune)

133
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"A" paper by Lisa.
"A" paper by Lisa.

134
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"A" paper by Bart.

135
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An "A"?
Oh, my gosh, Bart!

136
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,584
Could it really be the crystals?

137
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,820
Yes, definitely the crystals.

138
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,922
You really got an "A"?

139
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No white-out.

140
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The answers
are actually correct.

141
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,761
Maybe he really did the work.

142
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:04,331
Or maybe he cheated,
and I have to find out how.

143
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,200
Whoa! Someone could use
a chill-out crystal.

144
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,703
It's made by your boyfriend,
Lis: the Earth!

145
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,705
Lisa has a boyfriend?

146
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,707
And this is how I find out?

147
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,376
I don't know
which of you two is dumber.

148
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So I'm a bit
of a mystery, huh? Huh?

149
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:22,115
(school bell ringing)

150
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,017
Marge, I heard Bart got an "A."

151
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,720
-How'd you do it?
-Can you keep a secret?

152
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:29,122
Unless it's about a person, yes.

153
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,624
It was crystals.

154
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Crystals, huh?

155
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,694
I could use
some of those for Kirk.

156
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,463
I want to seed the bed
with them,

157
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,297
so he doesn't crawl over to me.

158
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,933
No worries. I'll
pick up more on my way home.

159
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,304
Oh, no, what happened?

160
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,707
I'm closing the store.
A cot finally opened up

161
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,643
in this cult
I've been trying to get into.

162
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,378
Congratulations, I guess.

163
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,146
Can I still buy crystals?

164
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,582
Just take 'em.

165
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,985
In fact, you can have
my entire inventory.

166
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,419
Thank you.

167
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,691
Now, enter my chariot to Heaven.

168
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,761
Are you sure about this?

169
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:11,398
Of course! I'm ascending
to a higher level of being.

170
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,000
Now, sisters,

171
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:16,837
let us Sharpie in
the whites of our eyes.

172
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,839
(Sharpies squeaking)

173
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MARGE:
Oh, wow.

174
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"Before passing on
to a new owner,

175
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"crystals should be cleared
of their old energy

176
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,920
with a combination
of water and sulfur."

177
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,723
Which is just
what comes out of our tap!

178
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,531
The crystals got Kirk a new job.

179
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,932
With a uniform!

180
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,267
That's right, I'm a batboy.

181
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,468
(chuckles)

182
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:50,704
Nelson got an "A" on his test!

183
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:54,107
This is going right up on the
refrigerator in the front yard.

184
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,644
Marge, we need more crystals.

185
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:02,049
MARGE:
I'm not even 100% sure
these things work.

186
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,151
Should I really
be selling them?

187
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,621
You know, these just
might make me stop drinking.

188
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,390
I guess I should.

189
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,593
I'm gonna grind 'em up
and snort 'em.

190
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,198
♪

191
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,570
Marge, another "A"
in my class for Bart.

192
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,739
I'm so impressed that a boy
with Bart's jiggly-wigglies

193
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,141
could be cured
by this pagan hogwash.

194
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,410
You can't argue with facts.

195
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,746
Oh, dear, we're
running low on obsidian.

196
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,815
Almost out of moon potion.

197
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,017
And there's
no more brain powder.

198
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,920
I can sell you
brain powder in bulk.

199
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,489
Here's whose brain
the powder is from.

200
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,225
It's a cow,
but a very smart one.

201
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,194
Hmm. What else do you sell?

202
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,262
Oh, massage stones,
copper bracelets,

203
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,598
dream catchers,

204
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,666
dream catcher
filter replacements.

205
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,702
This old one is full of dreams.

206
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,670
I don't see anything in it.

207
00:08:56,704 --> 00:09:00,340
Don't you see it? Your dream
of being a massive success?

208
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,842
You see it?
Right there. See it?

209
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,510
-Mm-mmm.
-Right there. See it?

210
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,046
I think I am starting to see it.

211
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,781
Are you sure?
Do you really?

212
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,049
I see it!

213
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,450
Yeah, okay, bring it down.

214
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,219
Less Oprah, more Chopra.

215
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:15,522
I see it. I guess
I could expand my product line.

216
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,625
Then I can really
start making my own money,

217
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,027
not be dependent on Homer.

218
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,962
Did I hear
"not dependent on Homer"?

219
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:24,965
Boom. Retired.

220
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,800
You should still go in to work.

221
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,302
I don't think I even remember
how to get there.

222
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,138
You were just there today.

223
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,140
(elderly voice):
Feels like that, doesn't it?

224
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,842
(Marge grumbles)

225
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,978
Here at MURMUR,
we have everything

226
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,980
a holistic mother might need.

227
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,148
Cactus milk.

228
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,816
Wicker birthing chairs.

229
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,251
Fairy traps.

230
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,986
Tibetan singing bowls.

231
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,455
(playing dissonant melody)

232
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,763
(Santa's Little Helper howls)

233
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,497
Are these macaroons free-range?

234
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:01,334
Yes. Only made from coconuts
that fall from the tree

235
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,437
or are gently coaxed
by woke monkeys.

236
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,506
I'm sorry, Marge,

237
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,175
I'm gonna have to shut you down.

238
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,410
You don't have
a retail business license.

239
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,513
Well, Chief,
do I really need a license

240
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:17,184
to sell that hemp body lotion
Sarah likes so much?

241
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,120
And which is free to you?

242
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,521
Ooh, I like it, too!

243
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,724
But I'm gonna need
more than that.

244
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,560
Hmm.

245
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,563
Mm... hmm.

246
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,134
Mm. (chuckles)

247
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,303
HOMER:
Oh, Marge!

248
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,205
(whoops)

249
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,574
I've only done this before
with Monopoly money and salami!

250
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,377
Where'd it go?

251
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,513
It's all right here, baby.

252
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,218
We made $1,000 today.

253
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,120
What's that
without the cost of goods?

254
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,555
$998.

255
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,290
(gasps)
I love you.

256
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,726
(moans)

257
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,728
♪ Ain't it beautiful ♪

258
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,662
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

259
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:06,333
♪ Crystal blue persuasion ♪

260
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,675
♪ Better get ready ♪

261
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:20,180
♪ Gonna see the light ♪

262
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:25,152
♪ Love, love is the answer ♪

263
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,487
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

264
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,622
♪ And that's all right ♪

265
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,395
♪ So don't you give up now ♪

266
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,596
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

267
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,867
♪ So easy to find ♪

268
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,604
♪ Just look to your soul ♪

269
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,273
♪ Look to your soul ♪

270
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,376
♪ And open your mind ♪

271
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,750
♪

272
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,728
-Meep...
-(growls)

273
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:16,837
♪ Crystal blue persuasion,
mmm. ♪

274
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,206
(slurps)

275
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,374
So, those crystals

276
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:24,377
must really be uncloggin'
your noggin, huh?

277
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,981
Yep. They're making
math problems like 60 + 63

278
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,649
as easy as 1-2-3.

279
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,886
Mm. And what is 60 + 63?

280
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,321
Oh. Um...

281
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,123
It's 1-2-3!

282
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,091
BART:
Ay, caramba!

283
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,094
I'll figure out your scam.

284
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,429
Sorry, Lis,

285
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:45,765
I can't hear you over the bowl.

286
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,434
(sustained note)

287
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,270
You won't get away with it!

288
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,005
I will stop you!

289
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,341
Because this is not...
(grunts)

290
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,009
Oh, oh.

291
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,344
Singing bowl,

292
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,813
you are so peaceful.

293
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:00,981
(cash register dings)

294
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,516
Luann bought $60 worth

295
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,018
of organic blackberries today.

296
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,220
I hope she enjoys both of them.

297
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,523
I need this for shopping.

298
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,360
And this for a rainy day.

299
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,696
Do I hear thunder?

300
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,033
Namaste.

301
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,035
We're closed.

302
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:25,939
What part of "namaste"
don't you understand?

303
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,707
I'm gonna need you to can it,
Marge.

304
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,376
My name is Piper Paisley.

305
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,610
Do I know you?

306
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,213
I have a healing beauty
relaxorium in Shelbyville.

307
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,714
Perhaps you've heard of PLOP.

308
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:38,485
Well, it's wonderful
to meet a fellow entrepreneuse.

309
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,720
Is it?
If I wasn't Botoxed as hell,

310
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:42,755
I'd be frowning
at you right now.

311
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,025
(snaps)

312
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,827
(gasps)
East?

313
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,396
That's a solstice stone,

314
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,431
not an equinox stone.

315
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:56,703
Just nama-stay out
of my business.

316
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,913
Marge, honey,
you've got to be careful.

317
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,680
She means business.

318
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,151
Oh, look what it says.

319
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,986
This means war.

320
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,821
Marge, don't say that!

321
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,257
I got into this business
because of the kids,

322
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,259
but now I like it.

323
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,593
You know what?

324
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,931
I'm going to open up a kiosk
in the Shelbyville Mall.

325
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,532
On her turf!

326
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,867
♪

327
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,674
Ugh!

328
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,109
You don't belong there!

329
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,710
What happened
to that hoverboard guy?

330
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,812
Marge made me a better offer!

331
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,286
You know you can't
do this, right--

332
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,956
build a competing kiosk in the
same escalator dump-out zone?

333
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,123
(chuckles):
I mean,

334
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,458
you can't.

335
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,827
There's no more
law and order in malls.

336
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,264
(whimpers)
Aah!

337
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,867
You've been living in my kiosk?

338
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,735
If you call that living.

339
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:06,039
Well, well, Bart, another "A."

340
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,807
(chuckles)

341
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,377
Looks like I brought
my average up to a "D."

342
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,845
(school bell rings)

343
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,748
(chuckles)

344
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,252
(mysterious jazz playing)

345
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,325
(grunts)

346
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,964
Now to test my theory.

347
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,501
Aha!

348
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,603
What the hell are you doing?

349
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,338
I know what you did,
Bart Simpson.

350
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,340
It's crystal clear.

351
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,609
You hid the Gettysburg Address

352
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,611
in a poster right by your desk,

353
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,880
which you could read when
Milhouse distracted Flanders.

354
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,417
(sniffing)

355
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,885
(groaning)

356
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,522
(Flanders gasps)

357
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,557
(mysterious jazz begins playing)

358
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,461
Pure coincidence.

359
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,963
I put all the times tables
in Newton's wig.

360
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,466
And look what I hid
in the apple.

361
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,136
Ew!

362
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,970
You know,
it would have been far easier

363
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,040
just to study and get an "A."

364
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,874
Yeah, but what's the point
of that?

365
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,576
I'm telling Dad.

366
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,046
Not today. I got my book club.

367
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,447
A Confederacy of Dunces.

368
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,881
Ooh, is that the book?

369
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,882
No, that's who's coming:

370
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:25,318
Lenny, Carl, Barney, Moe.

371
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:28,221
The book we read was, uh, The
Girl with the Dragon Something.

372
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,323
-I didn't get through the title.
-Yeah, me neither.

373
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,693
It was just as boring as Tinker
Tailor Something Something.

374
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:34,994
Well, cancel the book club,

375
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,797
'cause Bart has something
he has to tell Mom.

376
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,332
Why?

377
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,801
You don't realize
how bad this is, do you?

378
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,572
You betrayed the one person
who still believes in you.

379
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,673
The dog believes in me.

380
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,508
Ruh-ruh.

381
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:49,909
Don't you get it?

382
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,512
Who's the person that's
always there when you need it?

383
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:53,846
("I'll Always Love My Mama"
by the Intruders playing)

384
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,649
♪ I'll always love my mama ♪

385
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,219
♪ She's my favorite girl ♪

386
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,756
-♪ I'll always love my mama. ♪
-(school bell rings)

387
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,158
Oh, my God.

388
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,759
She's shown me nothing but love.

389
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,661
How do I make this guilt
go away?

390
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,929
Tell her the truth.

391
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,498
No, that's not it.
Keep pitching.

392
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,499
No, that is it!

393
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,700
Oh, fine!

394
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,568
Now, looky here.

395
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,004
I learned Swedish
to read this here book,

396
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,274
and we are gonna discuss it.

397
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,443
Nordic noir is known
for its plain language

398
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,044
and absence of metaphors.

399
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,379
Dig deeper.

400
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:27,714
(stammers)
The novel reflects,

401
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,449
implicitly and explicitly,
gaps between rhetoric

402
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,883
and practice in Swedish policy.

403
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,752
(panting)

404
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:33,853
That'll do nicely.

405
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,123
Who wants cake?

406
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,826
I said, who wants cake?

407
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,398
Our day of kiosk combat begins.

408
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:48,968
My sisters abuse
Piper's free sample policy.

409
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:52,972
Mmm. I smell like the smoking
area of a nice resort.

410
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,974
Schmear me like a bagel.

411
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,976
(both chuckle)

412
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,311
Now, phase two.

413
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:01,314
The one force no kiosk
can withstand:

414
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,483
a confused old person.

415
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,152
Somewhere in me is a yoni egg.

416
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,653
I think it might be hatching.

417
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,321
Uh, they don't hatch.

418
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,690
Can you take that chance?

419
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,895
Mom, I'm sorry.

420
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,064
I wasn't getting As
because of the crystals.

421
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,666
I lied.

422
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,801
♪

423
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,506
This crystal don't work!

424
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,508
Nelson got detention,

425
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:32,745
and I got demoted
from stripper to topless valet.

426
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,081
Kirk crawled over these
and made his way to me.

427
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,516
Three times.

428
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:37,850
(sighs)

429
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,387
One last thing to do.

430
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,357
That's not the egg
I was thinking of.

431
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:46,025
Keep looking.

432
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,461
Stop, stop. Piper, stop.

433
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:49,996
You win.

434
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:51,964
I don't belong in this mall

435
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:55,134
with all these
legitimate businesses.

436
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,536
(cackles)

437
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,371
I win!
(chuckles)

438
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,039
I win. Me.

439
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:02,041
I'm sorry, I'm just...
I'm very competitive.

440
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,710
Have you tried rose quartz?

441
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,213
Let me ask you something.
Do I look like an idiot?

442
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,381
(chuckles)
Ooh, I love your handbag.

443
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,782
Well, thank you.

444
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,018
No prob, babe. I win.

445
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,921
(energetic music playing)

446
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,127
Marge, honey,
I'm glad you're home.

447
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,562
I've been thinking.

448
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:26,132
I want to be more than
just Mr. Mrs. Homer Simpson.

449
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,734
I want to get a job.

450
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,402
You have a job.

451
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:32,004
I know. Raising the kids
and looking fabulous.

452
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,406
But I thought it would be nice

453
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,742
to have somewhere to go
every day.

454
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,410
You work at the power plant.

455
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:40,247
They call every morning and say,
"Where are you?"

456
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,514
So you're not mad?

457
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,350
Oh, I love you! Mwah!

458
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,751
Thank you for understanding.

459
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,219
(chuckling):
Oh...

460
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,524
(ominous music plays)

461
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,996
Excuse me.

462
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,165
I have a friend I think is here.

463
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,001
Um, I just wanted
to make sure she's okay.

464
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,003
Marge. Good to see you.

465
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,005
But, really, not necessary.

466
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,774
Because everything here is...

467
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:10,076
Run! Run!

468
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,579
-(rapid gunfire)
-What's happening here?!

469
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,247
I thought you were just
getting massages!

470
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,615
Those were good.

471
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,450
But the other stuff is...
(shudders)

472
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,421
Blow up the bridge.

473
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:22,655
(explosion)

474
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,137
Shh!