1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,548
The Simpsons.

2
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,314
D-oh!

3
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,379
Welcome to the Magic Palace.

4
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:32,217
OK, you can park my car
but no joyriding.

5
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,011
Wait a minute!

6
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,852
Hello, I'm Questo.

7
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,064
I'll be your waiter
and mentalist for this evening.

8
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:48,149
I'm receiving a drink order...

9
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,776
something foamy...

10
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,945
Is it a bee...

11
00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,780
Beer, yes! How did you know?

12
00:01:55,406 --> 00:02:00,995
And for the lady,
a Long... Island Iced Tea.

13
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,289
- Wow...
- Whoa...

14
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:07,168
They ought to call that
a Large Island iced tea.

15
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,381
No, Long is better.

16
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,883
Are you really going
to drink that?

17
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,218
Well, maybe a sip.

18
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,637
I don't want to offend
our mentalist.

19
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:21,349
If she doesn't like it
I'll just die.

20
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,401
Mom, you're missing
a great show.

21
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,154
You don't know what I'm missing.

22
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:41,077
I'd like to visit
that Long Island place.

23
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,871
If only it were real.

24
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,790
Now, for my next illusion,
I'll need a volunteer.

25
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,375
I'll do it!

26
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:50,003
I always end up doing it.

27
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:54,465
- HI.
- I'm Diablo. What's your name?

28
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,549
Marge.

29
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:59,095
OK, Marge and who's
that gentleman you're with?

30
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,764
That's no gentleman,
that's my husband.

31
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,770
Wow, Mom got a laugh.

32
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,606
I wish she drank every day.

33
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,275
Do we love Marge or what?

34
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,529
Oh, please. I didn't
say that for clapping.

35
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,293
- Now, Marge, I have a problem.
- Oh, yeah?

36
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,658
You see, the Emperor
of China's coming over

37
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,262
and I don't have
enough colorful silks.

38
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,412
So what I need of you is...

39
00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:28,041
You talk too much.
Abraca-blab-ra.

40
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,125
Am I right?

41
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,420
See, the ladies know
what I'm talking about.

42
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,881
Tell you what.

43
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,716
Let's get this ball-gag on you.

44
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,426
There we go

45
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:42,222
and we'll skip right ahead
to the kill-otine.

46
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,765
Whoa, baby!

47
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,144
Don't worry, Marge.

48
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,437
You won't feel a thing.

49
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,564
You'll feel four things.

50
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,859
He's very good.

51
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,955
So, she was made of chimps.

52
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,749
Man, magic can do anything.

53
00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:11,209
What happened to Mom?

54
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:12,877
I'm right here.

55
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,800
No! No, get off me.

56
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,551
Folks,
this is not part of the act

57
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:21,886
so please help her out.

58
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,931
Get 'em off me!
Get 'em off! Get 'em off!

59
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:26,933
Cool, a gift shop.

60
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:30,603
Ages eight to 80...
Huh... that's me!

61
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,438
Dad, will you get me
this magic kit?

62
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,482
Gee, I wish I could, son

63
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,734
but we've already left
the gift shop.

64
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:39,569
D-ohh!

65
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,073
Wow, it's approved

66
00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,325
by the Royal Magic College
of Hyderabad.

67
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,828
That's a party magic college.

68
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,288
- It is not.
- Ya-huh!

69
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:49,414
- Nu-uh.
- Ya-huh.

70
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,416
Could you cut it out, you two?

71
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,918
Mommy needs some quiet
right now.

72
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,340
What the hell is that?

73
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,051
It looks like a sturgeon.

74
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,053
But where did it come from?

75
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,110
Well, there's your problem.

76
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,825
I know that. How much to fix it?

77
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:30,580
Ooh, well, that's a foreign fish
we're looking at, so $6,500...

78
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,165
plus $3.50.

79
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:34,083
Oh, I can't afford that.

80
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,585
Maybe I can make
some money, Dad.

81
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,420
My magic act is
really coming along.

82
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,467
He couldn't breathe.

83
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,970
Step right up.
See the Magic Boy.

84
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,638
Witness mystifying feats

85
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,807
that will leave
you scratching your head

86
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,893
until it's raw and bloody.

87
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,521
- Oh, my goodness.
- Whoa!

88
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,148
Come on, pony up, Flanders.

89
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:58,831
The kid's not turning tricks
for nothing.

90
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,944
Oh, no, I could never support
the black arts.

91
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:02,904
Black arts?

92
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,989
Yeah, you know, magic,
fortune-telling,

93
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:05,907
Oriental cooking.

94
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:06,991
Hey, you guys.

95
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,745
You're in our spot.

96
00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,497
OK, we'll move.

97
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,290
But we don't want
any trouble, fellas.

98
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,000
Dad, only one of them is real.

99
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,336
- I know, but which one?
- Oh!

100
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,381
Sixty cents?

101
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,050
I would have made more
if I'd gone into work today.

102
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,218
Hey, don't blame me.

103
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,095
I got to compete with TV
and the Internet.

104
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:29,889
A good son would come
through for his dad.

105
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:30,890
Yeah, and a good dad

106
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,534
wouldn't miss his son's
Little League games.

107
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:36,020
I told you. I find them boring.

108
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,981
Well, I showed up for
all your stupid interventions.

109
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,609
Oh! That's it!
You can walk home!

110
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:49,617
Dad, come back! Oh...

111
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,245
I can't walk home
with all this stuff.

112
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:57,792
Poor boy. Here's some
money for bus fare.

113
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,420
My father was a monster, too.

114
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,677
Come on, brothers, dig deep.

115
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:14,016
Stupid non-magical son
can't pay to fix my car.

116
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,810
Hey, Homer, check it out!

117
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:17,353
What the...?

118
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,773
Is that a steak?

119
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,400
Yeah, I know a little place.

120
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,152
Who gave you all this money?

121
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,653
Hmm, people.

122
00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:27,376
I guess they thought
I was a charity case.

123
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,365
Really?

124
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,034
Hey, maybe we could
do that again.

125
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,619
Can you look even more pathetic?

126
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,583
Oh, that's beautiful!

127
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,042
We could make a fortune!

128
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,296
But wouldn't that make us
con artists?

129
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:47,049
Well, yeah, but God conned me

130
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,510
out of 6,500 bucks
in car repairs.

131
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:54,891
So, in a way, we'd just be
balancing out the universe.

132
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,476
There you go.

133
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,270
We'd be stealing
from people we know.

134
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,522
It's just like the seasons.

135
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,192
Sounds good. Want to eat my fat?

136
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,152
I think you know
the answer to that.

137
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,618
This book has
all the classic cons.

138
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:14,952
There's "The Pigeon Drop".

139
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,163
"The Ear Wigger,"
"The Brillstein Grab."

140
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:19,040
Do they have any
father and son grifts?

141
00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,167
Well, there's
"The Albany Ham Scam."

142
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,460
Interesting.

143
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,754
Oh, wait, here we go.

144
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,009
What are you doing?

145
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:32,178
Why are you frosting
that old throw pillow?

146
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,222
I could ask you
the very same question.

147
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:37,308
Mm, should I just back
out of the room?

148
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:38,391
Would you?

149
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:44,649
OK, Dad.

150
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:45,858
Ready for our first con?

151
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:46,942
You bet.

152
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,861
Let's trim the mark.

153
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,905
Nice use of the lingo, Homer.

154
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:52,365
10-4, Kemosabe.

155
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,247
Oh, I love you, too.

156
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,375
Good night, and have
a pleasant tomorrow.

157
00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:06,629
Oh, excuse me.

158
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,673
Oh. What happened?
Where's my cake?

159
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,299
It's all right, isn't it?

160
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,469
What have you done,
you clumsy little ox?

161
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,222
That cake was
for your deaf sister.

162
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,932
Sir, it was my fault.

163
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,517
No, no, don't protect him.

164
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,062
You'll work off that cake
in the acid mines!

165
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,398
No, no, no,
I'll pay for the cake.

166
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,691
Well, you're the mark...

167
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,235
of integrity.

168
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,321
Wow, look at all this loot.

169
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,823
What should we buy first?

170
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,533
The singing rubber fish,
of course.

171
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,285
There you are.

172
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,619
How was the magic act?

173
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,247
What in the hell
are you talking about?

174
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,791
Oh, right, the magic.

175
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:47,378
The magic was great.
It's really the way to go.

176
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:48,671
How'd you do your act?

177
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,256
You left your magic kit here.

178
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,717
Or so it would seem.

179
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,635
Suckers.

180
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:55,636
I don't know, Mom.

181
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,263
I think they're up to something.

182
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,265
Sure looks that way

183
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:02,643
but at least Bart and Homer are
spending quality time together.

184
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,062
Is that a Long Island Iced Tea?

185
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,523
Oh, this? Hmm.

186
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,025
I think it is.

187
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:15,114
Um, you're a pretty girl.

188
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,741
Here, boy.

189
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:17,992
Here, doggy.

190
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,786
Oh, where has
my little dog gone?

191
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,039
- Oh, you lost your doggy?
- Yeah.

192
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,958
I saw him playing in the water,
and then he was gone.

193
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,502
He had a bright red leash
with bells on it.

194
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,546
Oh, I'm sure
he's around here somewhere.

195
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:35,009
Oh, dear Lord.

196
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,136
He's the bestest dog ever.

197
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,387
He's light brown

198
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,806
and he has a spot on him
shaped like a heart.

199
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,643
- Sorry, son, but...
- I just got to get him back...

200
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:47,688
or, if not him, a similar dog.

201
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,649
Dog for sale!

202
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,359
Dog for sale!

203
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,779
How much for the dog?

204
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:57,073
- Oh, he's not for sale.
- Oh, well.

205
00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:00,910
Although, if the right
offer came along...

206
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,417
Here's for the repairs,
and a little extra for you.

207
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,835
Hey, thanks, chief.

208
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,130
My Bar Mitzvah cake.

209
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,633
Oy, I'll never be a man.

210
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,887
- Dad?
- Yes, son?

211
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,263
Why are we still grifting?

212
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,348
The car's paid for.

213
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,392
Doesn't that balance
out the universe?

214
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:27,061
In a way but I also remembered
some other stuff

215
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,563
like my bike that was stolen
in third grade...

216
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:30,898
plus the baldness.

217
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,108
OK, I'm sold.

218
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,404
Hello, is the lady
of the house in?

219
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:38,114
Oh, no, Homer.

220
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,366
Remember? Maudie
got called up to heaven.

221
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,702
Oh, of course, of course.

222
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,079
- It's just that...
- What?

223
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:46,622
Well, before she died

224
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,291
she ordered this Bible
especially for you.

225
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,002
Why, there's my name in gold.

226
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,130
Now, you weren't home

227
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,215
so we had to pay
the delivery man.

228
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:58,050
Well, I'll just
reimburse you right...

229
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,635
Wait a minute.

230
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,222
This seems an awful lot like
that movie Paper Moon.

231
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,640
Run, Dad!

232
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,895
- We'll be safe in here.
- That was too close.

233
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,480
Maybe it's time
to quit the game.

234
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,564
Amateurs.

235
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,483
Dad?

236
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,360
That's right.

237
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:17,987
You don't smoke a pipe.

238
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,197
That's right.

239
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,534
How'd you get wise to us?

240
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:24,869
Are you kidding?

241
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,621
They used to call me
Grifty McGrift.

242
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:30,124
I wrote the book
on flimflamming.

243
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,877
Wow, he did.

244
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,296
Yeah. In the Depression,
you had to grift.

245
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,922
Either that or work.

246
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,257
So, what's the pitch, old man?

247
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,009
Team up with me, boys,

248
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,596
and we'll go for the biggest
honey pot of them all.

249
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,310
Oh, my God.

250
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:52,062
I don't know.
Fleecing old people?

251
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,397
Oh, why not?

252
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:54,732
If we don't take their money

253
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:56,859
they'll just give it
to some televangelist.

254
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,445
Let's dust a few fossils.

255
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:03,449
Now, this scam was
in The Sting, Part II

256
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:06,035
so nobody knows about it.

257
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:08,078
Now as I recall,
Jackie Gleason...

258
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:14,251
Which one of you youngsters
is Abe Simpson?

259
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,753
I'm Abe Simpson.

260
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,506
You've just won $10 million

261
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,008
from that publisher's
cleary-dealy.

262
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:22,426
What?

263
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,178
Everybody, come quick.

264
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:25,888
Abe Simpson is rich!

265
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:27,640
I can't believe it.

266
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:32,228
I can finally afford a young,
crazy, stripper wife.

267
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:37,775
Yeah, I'm going to get me
the craziest, strippiest

268
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,568
most... God...

269
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,822
He's dead.

270
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,449
Oh, this is terrible.

271
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,493
Now who do we give the money to?

272
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,329
I guess we'll just have to haul
the check back to headquarters.

273
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,665
Too bad we couldn't just give it
to these nice folks.

274
00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:53,874
Forget it, Ed.

275
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,836
Do you know what it costs
to sign over a check this big?

276
00:13:56,919 --> 00:14:00,631
Why, the wealth transfer fee
would run at least $100 a head.

277
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:02,275
You're right.
We'd better just take this check

278
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:03,509
back for shredding.

279
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:04,592
No, wait.

280
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,345
We got 100 bucks each.

281
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:07,428
Hang on.

282
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,811
Thank you. No shoving.

283
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:15,604
That's right,
put your money in here.

284
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,730
All of it.

285
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:17,940
Is that everyone?

286
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,025
What's your problem, sport?

287
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,610
Afraid to be rich?

288
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,321
Hold your horses.
I'll get to you.

289
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,533
FBI.

290
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,034
You're under arrest for fraud.

291
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,250
Throw the book at him, sonny.

292
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,795
- D-oh!
- Now, where's the inside man?

293
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,426
Call me mint jelly,
'cause I'm on the lam.

294
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:53,058
So, we're under arrest
for fraud?

295
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,477
Yes, fraud.

296
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,903
Well, this is about
the flashiest car

297
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,112
I've ever impounded.

298
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,907
Thanks. Whoo, it took
a lot of grifting.

299
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,243
Please, FBI man,
don't throw us in jail.

300
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,037
We just made one mistake.

301
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,080
Yeah. We're not criminals.

302
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,291
We're just two crazy,
mixed-up kids.

303
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,378
Hmm, OK, I'll tell you what.

304
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,088
I'll let you turn yourselves in.

305
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,757
Maybe they'll go easier on you.

306
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,634
You'd do that for us?

307
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,844
Well, I did ruin
the boy's birthday cake.

308
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,096
Go on in, but I'll be watching.

309
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,723
OK, thank you, sir.

310
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,769
Don't worry, son.
I have an idea.

311
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,606
Chief, I'd like
to scare my son straight.

312
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,858
Could I show him a jail cell?

313
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:43,943
Oh, sure.

314
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,861
I'll put you
in the Rick James suite.

315
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,446
It's super-freaky.

316
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,287
- OK we're all locked up now.
- Yeah.

317
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,122
You big idiot.

318
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,332
Excellent.

319
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,292
I guess I'll just
be swiping your car now.

320
00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:04,421
Oh, and this lovely bag of cash.

321
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,758
So long, suckers. Whoo-hoo!

322
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,971
That's not an FBI badge.

323
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,223
"Colgate Cavity Patrol"?

324
00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:16,976
That guy was a grifter.

325
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,686
Yeah, he conned us good.

326
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,480
Well, at least we still have our
jobs at the sweepstakes place.

327
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:22,897
What?

328
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,817
Mom's going to wonder
where the car went.

329
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,020
We better have a good story.

330
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,363
Well, lies got us into this mess, son.

331
00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:31,991
From now on,
it's honesty all the way.

332
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,742
You were carjacked?

333
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,452
In the church parking lot?

334
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,745
Absolutely.

335
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,831
We had stopped in
for a quick prayer when...

336
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,749
Bart, would you call him
a crazy man?

337
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:41,875
Definitely.

338
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,544
Well, crazy about carjacking.

339
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:44,878
What did he look like?

340
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,047
Um, let's see...

341
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,884
he was foreign, and he had...

342
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,220
Wild, bushy hair,
like an animal.

343
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:54,303
Anything else?

344
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,306
Well, he seemed like a loner.

345
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,017
Kept to himself mostly.

346
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,518
And he said
if we went to the cops

347
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:00,686
he'd come back for Maggie.

348
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:01,854
Oh, dear.

349
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,689
We don't want that.

350
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:06,775
Anyhoo, the whole nightmare's
really made us sleepy.

351
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,029
Let's hit the hay.

352
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:12,781
Homie!

353
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,074
Homie, wake up.

354
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,160
They've captured your
crazed foreign carjacker.

355
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,204
But that's impossible.

356
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,956
They're arresting him right now.

357
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,876
I did not do it, I tell you!

358
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,671
At least let me comb me hair.

359
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,673
It's all wild and bushy.

360
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,592
What do you care, loner?

361
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,053
Wow, look at that.

362
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,846
- But who told the police?
- We did.

363
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:38,766
After we got Maggie to
a safe house, of course.

364
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:42,311
Um, she hasn't touched
her Manwich.

365
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,813
You cannot do this to Willie!

366
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,857
I'm innocent, I tell you.

367
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,358
They always say
they're innocent.

368
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,027
It's such a turnoff.

369
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,279
Dad, Willie got arrested
because of us.

370
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:53,947
Of course he did, son.

371
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,699
He's a filthy crook.

372
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,801
Now let's all hit the hay.

373
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,327
It's 10:00 in the morning.

374
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,954
I guess you haven't
heard of chloroform.

375
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,295
Will you tell the court
your whereabouts

376
00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:10,464
at the time of the carjacking?

377
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,925
I was alone in me
Unabomber-style shack.

378
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:15,260
I had nothing to do
with that carjacking.

379
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,720
Carjacking?

380
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,890
Who said anything
about a carjacking?

381
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,643
But didn't you just say...?

382
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,770
I'll ask the questions here,
Carjacker Willie!

383
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,688
-Objection!
I'm going to allow it.

384
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,982
It characterizes
the defendant as a carjacker.

385
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,860
Dad, we've got to tell
everyone the truth.

386
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,612
Let's see how this plays out.

387
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:38,200
Mr. Simpson, could you describe
your assailant to the court?

388
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,577
I told you, my memory is fuzzy.

389
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,162
Fuzzy.

390
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:45,040
Fuzzy, like Willie's beard?

391
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,501
Yes, exactly.

392
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:50,712
No, no, I mean
the whole incident is hazy.

393
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,382
Hazy, like the moors
of Scotland?

394
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,342
Yes, exactly!

395
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,309
Hey! Mountain Dew?

396
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,317
Mr. Foreman, has the jury
reached a verdict?

397
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:17,156
I believe we was promised
five dollars a day.

398
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,867
All right, then. Guilty.

399
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,578
Carjacker Willie,

400
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,664
I sentence you
to ten years in prison.

401
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,543
Dad, tell them.

402
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,253
When the time is right.

403
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,006
Ten years? But I didna do it.

404
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:35,883
Sure, you didna.

405
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,718
Now, let's get you
to Attica, and we can...

406
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:38,886
No!

407
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,014
You'll never send me
up the river!

408
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:43,015
Dad...

409
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:45,434
Let's see where
he's going with this.

410
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,231
Willie, as your employer,
I insist that you...

411
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:54,526
Stop!

412
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,196
This has gone on
just long enough.

413
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,989
Nobody carjacked me.

414
00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:02,201
I tried to pull a con,
and got conned myself

415
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,287
and then I lied to you all.

416
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:10,500
So did Bart.

417
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,505
OK, players.

418
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,924
That's a wrap.

419
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,596
Nice work, everybody.

420
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:23,680
Wait a minute.

421
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,265
This whole thing was a setup?

422
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,517
But Skinner got shot!

423
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,646
Yup, blanks and a blood pack.

424
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,147
Hey, watch it.

425
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,233
I look like cable TV.

426
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,026
What about that bullet hole
in your hair?

427
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,403
Squibs.

428
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:42,282
Yeah,
we hornswoggled you good.

429
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,368
What about the guy
who took my car?

430
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:47,704
Devon Bradley,

431
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,623
character actor, dancer, singer.

432
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:50,958
I'm a triple threat.

433
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,377
He's doing Dreamcoat
at the dinner theater.

434
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:57,214
I can't believe
everyone was in on it.

435
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:58,382
Willie wasn't!

436
00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,967
Wait a minute. You're telling me

437
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,094
the police force, the TV news

438
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:04,763
a courthouse full of people
and a popular entertainer

439
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:08,100
had nothing better to do than
to teach me and Bart a lesson?

440
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:11,937
I know it seems far-fetched even
insulting to your intelligence

441
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:15,023
but there's a simple and highly
satisfying explanation.

442
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,483
You see...

443
00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:18,443
Hey, everybody! Surf's up!

444
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,490
Cowabunga!

445
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:24,573
Whoo!

446
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:31,915
Hey, hey!

447
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:31,266
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