The Simpsons.
Ha ha! Welcome back to Pigskin Preview!
- Denver/Green Bay... Who do you like? - That's football, right?
Well, I'm gonna take the Broncos in this game
'cause the Packers will be blinded by Jerry's tie.
Tremendous.
I'm more worried about Al's jacket.
How many stations can you get on that thing?
All right. Listen. I am sick of your jokes about the wardrobe!
You people can dress yourselves!
Well, folks, he's got a point.
Uh, with all our unscripted horseplay, we sometimes don't think about-
Lenny, are you watching this?
Yeah. They really hurt that guy's feelings.
I know!
- Ready for the circus, Homer? - Circus?
The Cirque de Puree. We've had tickets since Septembre.
But I want to watch Brett Favre!
Come on, Homer. They're only in town for eight months.
Then they're gone.
Oh! I missed one of Jerry's zingers. Now I'll never catch up.
Finally, a circus full of whimsy and wonder.
Oh, yeah. That's way better than fun and excitement.
As French Canadians, they don't believe in refunds
or exploiting animals for entertainment.
Oh! I wanted to see 'em fire a gorilla out of a cannon.
Enjoy the show. For one day, we shall die.
Stop! Wait! Wait! Attendez!
I cannot get the lid off my jar of rainbows!
Who will help me? You, sir?
But I cannot help you.
I am just a local merchant from, uh, this town.
Just smash it open!
Oh, you can do it if your heart is pure...
Or... purée.
They always pick the guy with the wires.
Oh, look at those exotic positions.
Watching those women is giving me ideas.
They made an elephant!
It's hauntingly beautiful, isn't it?
A storm is coming!
I feel it in my bone!
Mesdames et messieurs,
it appears the Cloud Goddess is ripe with rain babies.
We must run for our trucks!
Oh, no, you don't! I paid full price for this freak show!
Now, nourish the child within me!
Nourish!
Un, deux, trois!
Well, sir, we've got ourselves a classic nor'easter
meeting a classic sou'wester.
Overnight, expect rain turning to freezing rain,
turning to sleet turning to snow...
- and then melting in the summer. - Snow?
Maybe they'll cancel school!
Look. The sea captain's all hunkered down!
Arr! Help. I was tied here by teenage pirates.
The following schools are closed today, Shelbyville, Ogdenville.
Ogdenville Tech, and Springfield Elementary...
My Dear Watson Detective School.
And lastly, Springfield Elementary School...
- Yay! - Yay!
...is open.
And it's open season on savings at Springfield Menswear, which is closed.
- Oh! Everyone's off but us. - Oh, stop.
Your father and I don't get the day off.
Lenny says we've got the day off! Yippee!
One snow angel coming up!
Oh, why does that always happen?
Since we've no place to go.
Let it snow let it snow, let it snow.
Man. Everyone has a snow day but us.
Oh! They look wonderful!
Ah! Yeah!
Ah, yeah, Clancy.
Spell your name.
Uh, hey, Luke, could you shake out the last few drops for me?
Yeah, no problem, Chief.
Seems like a waste of coffee, though.
Children, I'm proud of you.
Most of our students didn't bother to show up
on this last day before Christmas break.
But you've kept intact my Cal Ripken-like streak of school openage.
Hey, where are the teachers?
Eh, their union just called an emergency caucus.
Caucus, caucus, caucus Caucus, caucus, caucus.
But we'll have the last laugh on those Johnny-Come-Not-Lies.
We're gonna watch my favorite movie about a Grinch-y little character
who tries to steal Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho. What's that, Blitzen?
Why, yes, it is Christmas Eve.
I'm happy.
It's the Christmas hobgoblins!
What the hell is this?
It's classic mirth-making, is what it is.
I will always be true.
Spend my days pitching woo to you.
Oh! He's been singing for two hours!
This couldn't have less to do with Christmas.
And I think that's a stagehand.
And I love you, too
I am you and you are you.
Oh, you and me together you can see.
Ha-ha! Next time get a DVD!
This is a DVD!
Well, you won't get to see Santa's big sing-off
but seeing as we're close to the usual dismissal time...
Two, one...
There it is.
Take off and have a frank and productive holiday.
- Oh, dear God! - Principal Skinner!
We're snowed in!
We're trapped in the school!
We're gonna miss Christmas!
I fixed the DVD.
Roads closed. Pipes frozen.
Albinos virtually invisible.
The Weather Service has upgraded Springfield's blizzard
from winter wonderland to a class-three kill storm.
I don't like the sound of that "class-three."
And where are the city's snowplows?
Sold off to billionaire Montgomery Burns
in a veritable orgasm of poor planning.
- He shoots! He scores! - Perfect form, sir.
This is terrible! How will the kids get home?
I don't know. Internet?
Children, it seems the phone lines are down
so I'm afraid we're stuck here for the duration.
- Aww! - But it's my kid's birthday.
I'm doing a puzzle with Grandmama, and she'll finish without me.
Yes, yes, yes. We all had plans.
Except for me, ironically. I'm right where I want to be.
I can cut a trail through the snow. I'm part Eskimo.
I don't care if you're Kristi Yamaguchi. No one leaves the building.
This stinks. We'll miss the Itchy and Scratchy
where they finally kiss.
I don't care if they're kissing Kristi Yamaguchi. You're not going home!
- That's so unfair! - This blows.
Skinner's the real Grinch!
I'm all for rescuing the kids
but I wish you hadn't sawed off my roof.
My car, your roof. It's only fair.
- B... But it's my car. - Well, yeah.
Hey, whatever happened to the plow from your old snowplow business?
- I never had a snowplow business. - Sure, you did. "Mr. Plow."
You're wearing the jacket right now.
I think I know my own life, Ned.
Call Mr. Plow That's my name.
That name again is Mr. Plow.
I'm so hungry. I want more.
You heard the principal.
Everyone gets one apple and a handful of relish!
If you don't eat your relish, you're not getting any mayonnaise.
Screw this. The rest of you can stay here like dorks, but I'm going home.
Go, Nelson!
Well, I hope you've all learned something from Nelson's "headstrongedness."
- And from now on... - We want out!
- We want out! We want out! - Uh...
- We want out! - Yeesh! It's getting ugly out there.
Mmm. Think, Skinner, think.
What would Superintendent Chalmers do?
- Skinner! - Eh, that's no help.
Mmm. Ah! My old footlocker.
Back in 'Nam, I could command respect.
Sarge, let's make a break for it while the guards are partying with Jane Fonda.
Nope. Too dangerous. We're all gonna sit tight and reminisce about candy bars.
Uh, well, uh, one time, I'm eating a candy bar at the beach
and a girl starts taking off her bathing suit...
Get back to the candy bar!
The hell with this. I'm gettin' outta here!
No, you fool!
That elephant ate my entire platoon.
Well, I'm not gonna let it happen again!
Children, stand down!
I said, stand down!
I'm not joking, people.
From now on, there will be no talking out of turn or leaving this room.
- Willie? - Aye, sir!
- This sucks! - Are you questioning my authority?
Willie!
Ow! My vest.
Don't just stand there. Fight back.
There aren't enough coat hooks to hold all of us!
Actually there are. Five, 10, 15, 20... Uh, can you two share a hook?
- Yes, sir. - We're fine then.
- I think we hit something. - I hope it's Flanders.
I'm just kidding! Hey, you're all right.
Ah, now, children, if you have to answer nature's call during the night,
- use this bucket next to Bart's head. - Hey!
All right. Lights out.
I'm tired of taking orders from G.I. Jerk!
- I'm gonna tunnel out of here! - No, Bart.
For all we know, hundreds of rescue workers
are digging us out right now.
I feel like making love.
Making love to you.
Catchy song, all right. You really wrote it?
Yeah. As a tribute to Princess Di.
And Dodi. Because these days, princesses...
We're trapped!
Mr. Army Man? I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit.
- Is that some sort of plush novelty? - Yes, ma'am.
Well, here's a scouring pad. It's just as good.
It's cold and hurt-y.
Uh... What the...
A tunnel!
Bart's digging us out!
- Not on my watch he's not! - Oh, no!
I know it looks like the path to freedom.
But one collapse, and presto... You've got a snow casket.
I was gonna put buttresses in.
Gonna, wanna, shoulda. Willie, destroy it.
He did do a bonny job, sir.
Defying orders, eh? Well, I see you Scotsmen are thrifty with courage, too.
OK, Skinner.
That's the last time you'll slap your Willie around.
- I quit! - Fine. I'll do the job myself.
Help! It's caving in!
What's the problem, Seymour? Stuck?
That's precisely the problem, and you know it.
- Now, get me out of here! - What's that?
- You want the pee bucket on your head? - No! You're twisting my words!
Come on! We're taking over the school!
That's it! Cinch it up around the neck.
This is a gross misuse of school property.
Where are the dodge balls? Ow!
All right. That's it.
I'm writing all your names on the detention list in my mind.
Silence, Seymour! We're in charge now.
Your reign of fussiness is over.
Attention. The school is now under kid control.
You are hereby ordered to go nuts!
Aw, stupid ice!
I always knew I would die caked in something.
Well, better turn off that engine before those fumes put us in tombs.
Wait. Let's just leave it on...
till we forget our troubles.
Mm, sounds like a plan.
I can't write this. It's a grammatical nightmare.
- Mau! Didi mau! - I'm getting a cramp in my wrist!
Oh, boo-hoo. After all the times I've done it,
my wrist sounds like a cement mixer.
Come on, Seymour.
Mau! Didi mau!
I told you no one can climb a rope. It's physically impossible.
What part of didi mau don't you understand?
Nelson, put that globe down! Milhouse, stay out of my desk!
Jimbo, that's my Princey Award!
Quiet, Principal Spinner!
Whoa!
Hey, I got Skinner's key card!
We can finally see our permanent records!
No! You can't go in there!
"Underachiever and proud of it." How old is this thing?
"Lisa is an outstanding student with a slight tendency toward know-it-all-ism"?
That's not even a word!
Then we'll get rid of the record permanently!
Hey, look how much Skinner makes.
- Twenty-five thousand dollars a year! - Wow!
Let's see. He's 40 years old, times 25 grand.
- Whoa! He's a millionaire! - Wow!
I wasn't a principal when I was one!
Plus, in the summer, he paints houses!
- He's a billionaire! - Wow!
If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother?
Oh, they're just not responding to logic anymore.
I'll never win this alone.
There's only one guy who can help me now.
Look! I'm throwing paper!
You're my only hope, Nibbles.
Godspeed, Nibbles. Godspeed.
Aw, nuts.
There you are! Falcon to Eagle. Have located bag-of-crap.
Nelson, if you get me out of this,
there's a hall monitor position coming open in the spring.
I spit on your monitors!
I know. That's why the position's available.
Marvelous! Marvelous!
Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing.
Bring me my ranch dressing hose!
Homer? Homer!
- Homer, wake up! The car's filling with... - I know. Ranch dressing.
A hamster ball!
Just like the one that saved Ezekiel!
We're free! And we've got something to eat!
- Whoo-hoo! - Now, let's go save those kids!
You're the camel! Hey, this car's got cruise control.
School, please.
Dee-dee-dee da-da-dum.
Homer, that's not how it...
It's happening. My horoscope was right!
So long, Johnny Tremain. Your Newberry Award won't save you now!
Not Huck Finn! I spent hours crossing out the sass-back!
- We're gonna crash! - Do you have air bags?
No! The church opposes them for some reason!
- What was that? - It sounded like a silo tipping over.
Look! The snow's melting!
With a little help from our friend, sodium chloride!
Dad!
You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack.
- Skinner! - Oh! Superintendent Chalmers!
What are you doing in that ridiculous duffel, Seymour?
And is that burning literature I smell?
Uh... Well, sir, I, uh...
There'd better be a good explanation for this.
- There is, sir. - Ah! Then I'm happy.
Bart, if there's one thing I'm good at...
it's pretending things didn't happen.
And I think this is one of those.
- One of which? - Exactly.
No, seriously. I wasn't listening.
- One of those situations where... - Gotcha!
Come on, kids. Let's leave this awful place and never come back.
Boy, that salt really ate through the car.
- And the exhaust pipe is leaking. - Wha...
And furthermore...
Ignore her, Effendi. We have each other.
Oh, baby.
No use struggling, my beloved Shelamela.
Merry Christmas from the Simpsons!
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services