1 00:00:02,728 --> 00:00:04,837 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:05,064 --> 00:00:07,172 (school bell rings) 3 00:00:09,193 --> 00:00:10,417 "Then Papa Bear said, 4 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,086 'Someone's been sleeping in my bed.'" 5 00:00:13,239 --> 00:00:15,255 This book is so unrealistic. 6 00:00:15,407 --> 00:00:19,243 Dads sleep on the weight bench in the garage, right? 7 00:00:19,245 --> 00:00:21,595 Okay, Riley, ready to do this? 8 00:00:22,598 --> 00:00:25,173 Tell you what, you just hang out in there 9 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,251 while I read, okay? 10 00:00:27,269 --> 00:00:29,511 Oh, this dumb book. 11 00:00:29,605 --> 00:00:33,607 "Every day, the milkman brings fresh milk to your milk box." 12 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,353 But... the milkman has to be real careful, 13 00:00:38,447 --> 00:00:41,098 because hiding inside every milk box is... 14 00:00:41,191 --> 00:00:43,767 a fart monster! 15 00:00:43,786 --> 00:00:45,693 (mimics flatulence) 16 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,212 Does it really say that? 17 00:00:47,364 --> 00:00:51,050 Sit back, kid, and I'll tell you where milk really comes from. 18 00:00:52,111 --> 00:00:54,795 On the farm, cows eat pig boogers... 19 00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,204 Moo! 20 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,465 BART: ...which their butts turn into milk. 21 00:00:58,617 --> 00:01:01,952 Then the cows are loaded onto farm rockets. 22 00:01:01,970 --> 00:01:03,878 (mooing) 23 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,565 (cackles) 24 00:01:06,792 --> 00:01:08,292 BART: But space goats and astro donkeys 25 00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:10,811 headbutt the beef shuttle! 26 00:01:10,963 --> 00:01:14,364 And that is where milk comes from. 27 00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:18,135 (laughing) 28 00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:20,654 I thought drawing in books wasn't allowed. 29 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,414 Hey, who's the big kid here? 30 00:01:22,566 --> 00:01:24,249 You are. 31 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:32,649 (gulps) 32 00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:34,576 Thanks to your little prank, 33 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,912 -25 library books were ruined. -(sighs) 34 00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:41,007 Haven't we told you that books are precious? 35 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,827 I'm afraid to count how many times I've said that. 36 00:01:43,846 --> 00:01:44,937 No, you weren't even there. 37 00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,164 I was just trying to make it fun for the kid. 38 00:01:47,182 --> 00:01:48,590 You never take my side. 39 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,944 Side? Get a load of this kid with a side. 40 00:01:52,095 --> 00:01:53,946 How dare you defend yourself? 41 00:01:54,097 --> 00:01:56,006 You are the destroyer! 42 00:01:56,024 --> 00:01:57,432 Yes, that's it. 43 00:01:57,526 --> 00:01:58,692 The destroyer. 44 00:01:58,786 --> 00:01:59,860 You ruin everything, 45 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,195 even our holiday picture. 46 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,940 HOMER: There's no such thing as Christmas fangs! 47 00:02:06,034 --> 00:02:09,536 I had to wear a scarf to midnight mass. 48 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,797 I don't have a moment when I'm not worried 49 00:02:11,948 --> 00:02:13,540 about what you'll do next. 50 00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:15,375 I can't... I ju... 51 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,693 (panting) 52 00:02:16,786 --> 00:02:17,711 I can't... 53 00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:19,363 Babe, babe, tag me in. 54 00:02:19,365 --> 00:02:21,531 I can take him. Destroyer. 55 00:02:21,625 --> 00:02:24,551 Our house is filled with unexploded pranks. 56 00:02:24,703 --> 00:02:28,463 Any toilet seat could be covered in superglue. 57 00:02:28,557 --> 00:02:30,131 Bart put hot dog water in the ice maker. 58 00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,984 He's the destroyer! 59 00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:33,710 I just told him that. 60 00:02:33,803 --> 00:02:35,195 Good. 61 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,065 Ten years as your father has left me empty. 62 00:02:39,218 --> 00:02:41,476 Like an orange soda bottle at a picnic-- 63 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,646 sticky and covered with dying bees! 64 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,813 I'm just... 65 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,891 I c... I can't... 66 00:02:47,910 --> 00:02:49,168 Babe, babe. 67 00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:50,335 Okay, punishments. 68 00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:52,153 What's your least favorite vegetable? 69 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,321 Swiss chard. (gasps) 70 00:02:53,415 --> 00:02:55,565 You're looking at a whole lot 71 00:02:55,584 --> 00:02:58,159 of swiss chard sandwiches, buster. 72 00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:01,388 And you're never allowed to read a book again! 73 00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:05,091 Okay, first off, we're on your side. 74 00:03:05,244 --> 00:03:07,911 What Bart did was inexcusable. 75 00:03:07,930 --> 00:03:09,855 He's a bad kid. Straight up. 76 00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:12,173 You're lucky you only have him for one year. 77 00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:13,675 Well, it might be two, 78 00:03:13,769 --> 00:03:15,510 but that's another meeting. 79 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,103 But don't you worry. 80 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:20,348 The unholy parade of punishments we've cooked up for Bart 81 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,201 is both cruel and unusual. 82 00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:24,277 When he opens his eyes every morning, 83 00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,096 his first thought will be, 84 00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:28,189 "Oh, no, another day." 85 00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:31,192 Before we explore the punishment space, 86 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,212 let me show you something. 87 00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:37,090 I love books now. 88 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,052 (excited chatter) 89 00:03:40,203 --> 00:03:42,112 Oh, the kids haven't been this excited to read 90 00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:45,873 since we accidentally stocked Matthew Perry's autobiography. 91 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,226 All thanks to your son. 92 00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:50,303 Bart was just trying to help his younger peers 93 00:03:50,456 --> 00:03:52,714 engage with their reading interactively-- 94 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,291 "make it fun." 95 00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,976 Well, he said that to us, too, 96 00:03:56,128 --> 00:03:58,128 but we didn't believe him. 97 00:03:58,146 --> 00:04:00,072 We've sort of learned never to believe him. 98 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,907 "One evening, Ralph decided 99 00:04:02,134 --> 00:04:04,559 to go for a walk in the moonlight." 100 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:08,154 This is the first book he hasn't tried to kiss or wear as a hat. 101 00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:11,899 Oh, Bart is such a wonderful, amazing son. 102 00:04:12,068 --> 00:04:14,068 That's always been our feeling. 103 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:17,572 May I hug the people who created Bart? 104 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,758 Mmm, mmm, ooh. 105 00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:22,594 What just happened in there? 106 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,263 Bart? Good? 107 00:04:24,490 --> 00:04:26,581 Nothing makes sense anymore. 108 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,060 I-I don't-I don't think this is our car. 109 00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:32,996 What color is our car, Marge? 110 00:04:33,015 --> 00:04:34,106 Black? Uh... 111 00:04:34,257 --> 00:04:36,516 No, no, no, that's-that's not it. 112 00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:39,352 How is it everyone else saw the best in Bart 113 00:04:39,521 --> 00:04:40,687 and we didn't? 114 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:43,765 Are we horrible parents? 115 00:04:43,842 --> 00:04:47,027 I don't know. I-I mean, we love Bart, don't we? 116 00:04:47,195 --> 00:04:49,437 Oh, so much. 117 00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:50,697 So much. 118 00:04:50,849 --> 00:04:54,668 But what if we don't like him? 119 00:04:59,875 --> 00:05:02,208 We don't like our own son! 120 00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:04,528 We're horrible parents. 121 00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:05,787 It's not our fault. 122 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,622 He just wears you down. 123 00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,049 I can't take it. 124 00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:11,568 And I'm the strongest person I know. 125 00:05:11,628 --> 00:05:15,055 We weren't planning on starting a family when we had him. 126 00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:16,631 What if, deep down, 127 00:05:16,725 --> 00:05:19,526 we blame Bart for throwing our lives out of whack? 128 00:05:19,636 --> 00:05:21,878 That's the thing no one ever tells you: 129 00:05:21,897 --> 00:05:24,881 having kids changes your life. 130 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:27,067 I just wish so much 131 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,386 that we could see him like other people do, 132 00:05:29,404 --> 00:05:33,648 without all the emotional gunk of ten years of parenting him. 133 00:05:33,742 --> 00:05:35,483 He deserves that much. 134 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,912 Maybe. But that's not how life works. 135 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,714 (thunder rumbles) 136 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,134 It just doesn't. 137 00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:51,725 -(yawns) -Mm... 138 00:05:52,911 --> 00:05:55,670 Another beautiful day. 139 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,247 Should we go wake the kids? 140 00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:58,023 Sure. 141 00:05:58,174 --> 00:06:01,026 Why don't we each take one? 142 00:06:01,177 --> 00:06:03,010 Two parents, two kids-- 143 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,938 the perfect family. 144 00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:07,366 ♪ ♪ 145 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,332 ("Morgenblätter, Op. 279" by Strauss playing) 146 00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:40,399 ♪ ♪ 147 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,250 ♪ ♪ 148 00:07:02,481 --> 00:07:04,363 So what are we looking at today? 149 00:07:04,516 --> 00:07:07,317 Well, I heard Dr. Vargas is cheating on Dr. Chen 150 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,243 with that gorgeous new resident. 151 00:07:09,337 --> 00:07:11,579 Great. Now, what about our patients? 152 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,766 I have no idea. But I made a chart showing who on staff 153 00:07:14,918 --> 00:07:16,009 is hooking up with who. 154 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,936 What is it about big-city hospitals 155 00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,846 that attracts the most melodramatic, 156 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,499 sex-obsessed health workers on Earth? 157 00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:24,526 (indistinct chatter) 158 00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:34,936 Dr. Simpson. They need you in Room 6. Code Blue! 159 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,938 -What's the crisis? -Dr. Kern fell in love 160 00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:38,123 with his wife's sister's wife, 161 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,333 and now he's questioning everything. 162 00:07:41,444 --> 00:07:42,777 (groans) 163 00:07:42,871 --> 00:07:44,037 (beeping) 164 00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:45,188 Break's over. 165 00:07:45,323 --> 00:07:47,207 ("Charge" fanfare plays) 166 00:07:47,359 --> 00:07:49,092 CROWD: Charge! 167 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,712 HOMER: I love my job. 168 00:07:52,864 --> 00:07:55,031 Okay, Homer, bottom of the ninth. 169 00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:57,884 Let's get this stadium rocking. 170 00:07:58,036 --> 00:08:00,103 (grunting gently) 171 00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,191 ♪ ♪ 172 00:08:05,043 --> 00:08:06,651 (crowd cheering) 173 00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:07,727 HOMER: Fifty? 174 00:08:07,879 --> 00:08:09,321 You can do better than that. 175 00:08:10,716 --> 00:08:12,365 (exclaims) 176 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,570 We're almost at maximum noise. 177 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,055 Maybe today's the day. 178 00:08:19,074 --> 00:08:20,999 Release the rally ferret! 179 00:08:22,193 --> 00:08:24,077 ♪ Insane in the membrane ♪ 180 00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:26,296 ♪ Insane in the brain ♪ 181 00:08:31,586 --> 00:08:32,736 (sighs) 182 00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:33,903 Maybe, in the end, 183 00:08:33,922 --> 00:08:37,224 mankind wasn't meant to be 100 loud. 184 00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:40,018 Ah. Well, that's my daily 185 00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:41,578 eight ounces of light beer. 186 00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:44,581 Thirst quenched, I'll head directly home. 187 00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:47,767 Just once, I'd like to see Homer Simpson get drunk. 188 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:48,843 Ah, well. 189 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,195 (vuvuzela blares) 190 00:08:52,107 --> 00:08:54,090 Uh-oh, better tap a new keg 191 00:08:54,109 --> 00:08:56,368 for the happiest man in Springfield. 192 00:08:56,595 --> 00:08:58,928 Yeah, what's your secret, Skin-man? 193 00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:00,780 Eh, a stimulating job at a school 194 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,098 full of obedient children, 195 00:09:02,191 --> 00:09:04,284 with not one troublemaker in the bunch. 196 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,770 Not a one. 197 00:09:06,788 --> 00:09:09,789 I'm all the trouble he needs. 198 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,049 Well, I'm off. 199 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,301 See you later, wild man. 200 00:09:15,447 --> 00:09:16,721 ("Lido Shuffle" by Boz Scaggs starts playing) 201 00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:18,431 ♪ Lido ♪ 202 00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:21,726 ♪ Whoa... ♪ 203 00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:26,047 You guys are so sweet, 204 00:09:26,215 --> 00:09:28,808 surprising me with ice cream after work. 205 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,627 It was Lisa's idea. 206 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:34,314 Well, Ice Cream Parlor Malibu Stacy wanted some, too. 207 00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:37,450 (whoops) Ice cream party! 208 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,561 Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. 209 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,414 Oh, no. 210 00:09:42,641 --> 00:09:44,541 (gasping) 211 00:09:45,644 --> 00:09:47,502 Oh, no! 212 00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:50,980 MARGE: It's a child. 213 00:09:50,999 --> 00:09:52,482 (groans) 214 00:09:52,575 --> 00:09:54,092 Homer, he's alive. 215 00:09:56,988 --> 00:09:58,655 Who are you, little boy? 216 00:09:58,657 --> 00:10:01,507 Where are your parents? What's your name? 217 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,827 I'm Bart... um, something. 218 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,186 Who the hell are you? 219 00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:08,940 Now, you can't remember anything 220 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,591 before the accident? 221 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,926 Sorry, I got nothing. 222 00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:13,837 Well, have you ever had amnesia before? 223 00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,596 No way I'd forget something like that. 224 00:10:15,765 --> 00:10:18,174 Well, until we figure out who this kid is, 225 00:10:18,193 --> 00:10:19,859 I'm gonna have to keep him down at the station. 226 00:10:20,011 --> 00:10:22,345 Hey, uh, are you a true crime buff? 227 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:25,198 Hope so, 'cause you're sleeping one cell over from this guy 228 00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:27,942 who is gonna be huge on Dateline. 229 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,777 No, don't take him to jail. 230 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,871 He can stay at our house. 231 00:10:32,023 --> 00:10:34,782 The poor thing. He must be so scared. 232 00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:37,636 X-ray of my butt for you. One for you. 233 00:10:37,787 --> 00:10:39,763 Two for the lady. 234 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,216 Aw, nice pile of bricks you got here. 235 00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:45,034 So, what's your deal? I thought rich people 236 00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:47,036 were supposed to be skinny. 237 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:48,388 We're not rich. 238 00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:49,814 It's just that Marge and I both 239 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,557 have great jobs that we love. 240 00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:53,393 (yawns) 241 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:57,213 Everything you see here is a result of careful planning. 242 00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:59,324 (imitates snoring) 243 00:11:01,219 --> 00:11:04,812 Is he fake-snoring so as to imply that we're boring? 244 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,331 I think he is. 245 00:11:06,558 --> 00:11:09,501 Well, let's see how he likes a taste of his own medicine. 246 00:11:09,728 --> 00:11:11,461 (imitates snoring) 247 00:11:12,731 --> 00:11:14,414 (snoring) 248 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:15,674 Ah, my medicine. 249 00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:19,344 Can we both admit I won this? 250 00:11:19,495 --> 00:11:22,830 (sighs) I'll take you to your room. 251 00:11:22,924 --> 00:11:23,907 What are you waiting for? 252 00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:26,101 This ain't over anytime soon. 253 00:11:27,762 --> 00:11:30,930 Aw, the cheap bed in my room broke for some reason. 254 00:11:31,082 --> 00:11:32,506 What you got going on in here? 255 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,694 Malibu Stacy is going on a shopping trip to the mall. 256 00:11:35,921 --> 00:11:37,178 So fun. 257 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,030 Why don't you take them out of their boxes? 258 00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:40,924 Then you can smash them with a rock, 259 00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:42,442 light their hair on fire. 260 00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:43,426 Lot of good options. 261 00:11:43,445 --> 00:11:45,094 If I take them out of the box, 262 00:11:45,096 --> 00:11:46,779 they won't be perfect anymore. 263 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,741 Uh, I might have a little OCD. 264 00:11:49,893 --> 00:11:52,293 ADHD. Nice to meet you. 265 00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:58,007 ("Morgenblätter, Op. 279" by Strauss playing) 266 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:12,147 ♪ ♪ 267 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,977 -♪ Lido... ♪ -Mmm, nothing like a morning drive 268 00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:21,406 with the top down. Got Boz Scaggs on the radio. 269 00:12:21,557 --> 00:12:23,316 Life is tight. 270 00:12:23,392 --> 00:12:24,968 (gasps) 271 00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:26,986 -(squish) -(tires screech) -(crash) 272 00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,580 My cool-- it's gone! 273 00:12:28,807 --> 00:12:31,249 MISS SPRINGFIELD: Goodbye, Seymour. 274 00:12:33,328 --> 00:12:34,735 (humming) 275 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,588 (giggling) 276 00:12:37,832 --> 00:12:40,675 No, Maggie. Bubble boy bad. 277 00:12:42,003 --> 00:12:44,262 Where's Mom? I have to make my own sandwich 278 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,598 and write my own sweet note to myself 279 00:12:46,825 --> 00:12:48,749 on my lunch bag? I mean, co... 280 00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,343 Ugh. All right, um... 281 00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:54,180 "The world will be great today because you are." 282 00:12:54,332 --> 00:12:56,090 Aw, that's sweet. 283 00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:59,444 And here's an inspirational quote from Uncle Bart. 284 00:13:01,597 --> 00:13:03,006 "Eat my shorts." 285 00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:04,507 Oh, very clever. 286 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,526 If someone actually ate your shorts, 287 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,860 what would it mean? 288 00:13:08,013 --> 00:13:09,695 I don't know, just something you say so people 289 00:13:09,848 --> 00:13:11,438 don't mess with you, because you're the boss 290 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,441 and if they don't like it, they can eat your shorts. 291 00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:17,537 So, did you remember where home is yet, 292 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,872 low-maintenance guest? 293 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,782 Sorry, guys, I know as much about me 294 00:13:21,876 --> 00:13:23,209 as you know about me, 295 00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:24,385 which is... 296 00:13:25,288 --> 00:13:27,955 -(belching): I rule. -(barks) 297 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,808 Aw, we're all breathing that. 298 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,101 (belching) 299 00:13:33,204 --> 00:13:35,146 I know he's just a stray kid in need, 300 00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:37,223 but I don't like him. 301 00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,609 I'm gonna play a little pickleball. 302 00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:44,805 -(grunting) -I bet his parents don't even like him. 303 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,741 I mean, who could? 304 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:50,078 -(gasps) -(growls) 305 00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,150 -♪ ♪ -(crowd cheering) 306 00:13:56,244 --> 00:13:57,836 For a guy who sweats when he thinks, 307 00:13:57,987 --> 00:13:59,320 you've got a pretty sweet gig. 308 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,506 Listen up, Memento Junior, 309 00:14:01,657 --> 00:14:03,675 just because I don't want you alone in my home 310 00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:05,176 doesn't mean I want you here. 311 00:14:05,369 --> 00:14:08,680 Wow, thousands of drunk dads and their bored kids 312 00:14:08,831 --> 00:14:10,073 under your total control. 313 00:14:10,241 --> 00:14:11,757 You can make them do anything you want. 314 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,167 Well, not anything. 315 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,595 Actually, there are pretty strict rules about... 316 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,063 Hey, stop that! 317 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,768 What have you done? 318 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,571 (cheering) 319 00:14:28,443 --> 00:14:31,944 (gasps) 95? What have you done? 320 00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:33,997 And by all means, do more. 321 00:14:50,115 --> 00:14:51,948 Oh, my God. 322 00:14:52,117 --> 00:14:53,641 Can this be happening? 323 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,881 A hundred! I finally got 100! 324 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,401 It's the most noise there can ever be. 325 00:15:03,552 --> 00:15:05,719 (crowd cheering) 326 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,222 Kid, I don't know who you are or where you came from, 327 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,074 but you made magic today. 328 00:15:10,226 --> 00:15:11,910 You showed this set-in-his-ways 329 00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:13,970 old Jumbotron operator 330 00:15:14,063 --> 00:15:16,139 that there's a beautiful chaos in this job 331 00:15:16,157 --> 00:15:18,399 I never dreamed existed. 332 00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,251 You're all right. 333 00:15:20,478 --> 00:15:22,420 And you're easily won over. 334 00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:25,924 (The Simpsons theme plays on organ) 335 00:15:27,284 --> 00:15:30,336 Kid turns our house upside down in one night. 336 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,654 Who the hell am I? 337 00:15:31,673 --> 00:15:33,005 Who the hell are you? 338 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,098 Oh, my God, have you heard? 339 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:35,916 The man we thought was Dr. Taylor 340 00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:38,344 was actually his murderous twin. 341 00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:40,680 And last night, he proposed! 342 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,665 Not today, Tracey. 343 00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:44,392 (barking, meowing) 344 00:15:45,428 --> 00:15:47,428 Why are we not treating any patients? 345 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,929 Where's my staff? 346 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,114 Who's ready to find out 347 00:15:50,341 --> 00:15:52,266 which of my three co-worker lovers 348 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,343 is the father of my child? 349 00:15:54,362 --> 00:15:56,454 (whooping) 350 00:15:56,605 --> 00:15:58,439 Enough! 351 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,275 No more romance. No more intrigue. 352 00:16:01,369 --> 00:16:03,369 The next person who does anything dramatic is fired. 353 00:16:03,521 --> 00:16:05,463 And if you don't like it, you can 354 00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:07,614 eat my shorts! 355 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,949 (all gasp) 356 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,635 We'll be much more professional, ma'am. 357 00:16:10,786 --> 00:16:12,862 Maybe the sex closet 358 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,380 could be a supply closet? 359 00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:17,033 And the sex-mobile could be an ambulance. 360 00:16:17,051 --> 00:16:18,701 "Eat my shorts." 361 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,563 Still don't know what it means, but it really works. 362 00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:25,966 Hey, Jitters. What you working on? 363 00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,376 I'm doing a diorama 364 00:16:27,395 --> 00:16:29,562 on the history of homework. 365 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,215 Did you know that in ancient Assyria, 366 00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:34,141 novice scribes had to get... 367 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,402 Oh, it's Friday, nerd. 368 00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:38,571 Put down the tweezers and live a little. 369 00:16:38,647 --> 00:16:40,314 W-wait, let me just finish the detailing 370 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,391 on this Trapper Keeper because then I... 371 00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:44,168 When I need to relax, I like to watch 372 00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:45,745 a little Itchy and Scratchy. 373 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,413 Yeah, I've seen the lunch boxes. 374 00:16:47,565 --> 00:16:48,414 It's not for me. 375 00:16:48,566 --> 00:16:49,674 You'll love it. 376 00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:50,733 It's about a cat and a mouse 377 00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:51,901 trying to kill each other. 378 00:16:51,994 --> 00:16:54,328 You know-- the human experience. 379 00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:57,432 ♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪ 380 00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:25,043 ♪ ♪ 381 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,734 Have you ever heard Lisa make that sound? 382 00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:51,402 I've heard her laugh before, 383 00:17:51,629 --> 00:17:53,796 but it's always been ironic. Or sarcastic. 384 00:17:53,815 --> 00:17:57,108 Or dubiously polite and just a little bit put-upon. 385 00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:59,726 (laughing continuing) 386 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,728 But never that. 387 00:18:01,806 --> 00:18:02,938 -Aw. -Aw. 388 00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:06,325 Once again, cartoon violence and mental health 389 00:18:06,477 --> 00:18:08,377 go hand in hand. 390 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,814 So, how late did you two crazy kids 391 00:18:11,907 --> 00:18:13,407 stay up watching cartoons? 392 00:18:13,501 --> 00:18:15,985 I don't know, but all the ads on TV 393 00:18:16,078 --> 00:18:17,320 were about calling women 394 00:18:17,322 --> 00:18:20,581 who couldn't wait to talk to us right now. 395 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,433 I'm glad you had fun. 396 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,827 Well, that's odd. 397 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,829 Maggie never liked that book before. 398 00:18:26,922 --> 00:18:28,314 I zazzed it up for her. 399 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,504 Oh, you wrote Maggie into the story. 400 00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:38,357 What a special little guy you are. 401 00:18:38,509 --> 00:18:41,410 Eh, no way. I just wanted to deface a book. 402 00:18:42,697 --> 00:18:44,330 Sure you did. 403 00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:47,625 Morning, folks. 404 00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:49,610 Why'd you break down our door? 405 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,537 Oh, we do that for everyone now. 406 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,779 So, good news. 407 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,541 I'm taking Bart away forever. (chuckles) 408 00:18:55,693 --> 00:18:58,377 Oh. So you figured out where he's from? 409 00:18:58,529 --> 00:19:00,696 No, but I went to the courthouse, 410 00:19:00,715 --> 00:19:02,198 and one of those, uh, uh, 411 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,566 robe-and-gavel guys said to dump him 412 00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:07,311 at the Springfield Maximum Security Orphanage. 413 00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:09,872 Uh, it used to be a prison, but don't worry. 414 00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:12,541 None of the old guards lost their jobs. 415 00:19:12,635 --> 00:19:15,544 You know, we could hang on to Bart for a little while, 416 00:19:15,563 --> 00:19:17,804 if you want to keep working on his case. 417 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,031 No, thank you. 418 00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:22,827 Oh, hey, don't worry about it. 419 00:19:22,978 --> 00:19:24,645 I knew this was a short-term gig, 420 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,498 and I'll always have something to remember you by. 421 00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:30,585 Why you little.... 422 00:19:31,654 --> 00:19:34,321 Adios, losers. 423 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,081 Next time you see a mouse kill a cat 424 00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:38,509 in a way you never thought possible, think of me. 425 00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:40,219 I will. 426 00:19:46,594 --> 00:19:49,220 Bart! Come back! 427 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:52,172 We like you. God help us, we like you. 428 00:19:52,266 --> 00:19:54,692 We like you so much. 429 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,102 Stop! 430 00:19:57,255 --> 00:19:58,696 Don't take him! 431 00:20:11,936 --> 00:20:12,859 You're still here. 432 00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:14,770 My beautiful, wonderful boy 433 00:20:14,789 --> 00:20:16,714 is still here. 434 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,199 (grunts) Ow. 435 00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:20,793 What the hell? Get off. 436 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,278 I'm sorry, son. 437 00:20:22,296 --> 00:20:25,556 We just couldn't wait to tell you something. 438 00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:27,541 We like you. 439 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,785 We like our son so much. 440 00:20:29,804 --> 00:20:31,712 We just realized. 441 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,064 Mm, I like you guys, too. 442 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:37,384 Wait. What do you mean, you just realized? 443 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,237 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 444 00:20:39,388 --> 00:20:41,130 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 445 00:20:41,148 --> 00:20:42,798 and TOYOTA. 446 00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:44,617 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 447 00:20:49,323 --> 00:20:50,990 Come back down the staircase, Ralphie, school's over. 448 00:20:51,142 --> 00:20:52,308 It's time to go home. 449 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:54,810 Willie's locking up in five, you know. 450 00:20:54,979 --> 00:20:56,662 Yeah, I heard you the first ten times. 451 00:20:56,814 --> 00:20:58,739 Just put down the purple crayon. 452 00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:00,574 No... Ah-ah, don't draw a boat. 453 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,001 Ra... No boat, Ralph... 454 00:21:02,153 --> 00:21:04,095 Don't... Don... Well, don't get in the boat. 455 00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:05,746 You don't know where the river goes to. 456 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,932 -Ralphie. Ralphie! -RALPH: Whee! 457 00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:10,059 ♪ Lido ♪ 458 00:21:11,086 --> 00:21:14,063 ♪ Whoa ♪ 459 00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:17,441 ♪ One more job ♪ 460 00:21:17,668 --> 00:21:19,259 ♪ Ought to get it ♪ 461 00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:22,613 ♪ One last shot and we quit it ♪ 462 00:21:22,765 --> 00:21:24,765 ♪ One more for ♪ 463 00:21:24,859 --> 00:21:27,601 ♪ The road. ♪ 464 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,704 Shh.