1 00:00:01,299 --> 00:00:02,766 You and your stupid makeup. 2 00:00:02,927 --> 00:00:04,426 We missed Halloween! 3 00:00:06,937 --> 00:00:08,470 D'oh! 4 00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:14,644 Ooh! 5 00:00:14,668 --> 00:00:18,668 ♪ The Simpsons 26x07 ♪ Blazed and Confused Original Air Date on November 16, 2014 6 00:00:18,692 --> 00:00:25,192 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 7 00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:33,596 Ah, ah, ah. 8 00:00:33,632 --> 00:00:36,166 I'd like to welcome all of the principals 9 00:00:36,201 --> 00:00:38,368 from the Springfield School District, 10 00:00:38,403 --> 00:00:40,336 including Skin-ner! 11 00:00:40,372 --> 00:00:41,638 Wein-berg! 12 00:00:41,673 --> 00:00:43,273 Sack-ett! 13 00:00:43,308 --> 00:00:47,110 And Gwendolyn Hertz-feld-Mastroantonio! 14 00:00:47,145 --> 00:00:50,146 We are here for the annual Dance of the Lemons, 15 00:00:50,182 --> 00:00:51,948 where each of you gets to trade 16 00:00:51,983 --> 00:00:54,017 your worst teacher to another school. 17 00:00:54,052 --> 00:00:56,519 The union's happy, the parents are placated, 18 00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:58,888 and only the children suffer. 19 00:00:58,924 --> 00:01:00,790 Chalmskinn. 20 00:01:00,826 --> 00:01:02,826 Behold your lemons! 21 00:01:02,861 --> 00:01:06,729 Sociopathic child haters who are only teachers 22 00:01:06,765 --> 00:01:09,666 because they got tenure after two short years. 23 00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:11,167 That's mean! 24 00:01:11,203 --> 00:01:12,969 You know what you are. 25 00:01:14,239 --> 00:01:15,805 Uh, first lemon: 26 00:01:15,841 --> 00:01:20,043 from Springfield Elementary, going to West Springfield, 27 00:01:20,078 --> 00:01:23,746 third grade teacher, Sticky-Fingers Stella. 28 00:01:28,086 --> 00:01:31,354 Now, going to Springfield Elementary... 29 00:01:31,389 --> 00:01:33,356 God have mercy. 30 00:01:33,391 --> 00:01:36,226 Seymour, your new teacher is... 31 00:01:36,261 --> 00:01:37,694 Everybody pray! 32 00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:39,329 This is a public school. 33 00:01:39,364 --> 00:01:40,597 I said pray! 34 00:01:43,902 --> 00:01:47,770 Mr. Lassen is here. 35 00:01:47,806 --> 00:01:49,272 No smoking. 36 00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:53,209 So, Mr. Lassen, 37 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:55,879 you began your career at Shelbyville Prep. 38 00:01:55,914 --> 00:01:58,381 It seems that certain wealthy parents didn't like 39 00:01:58,416 --> 00:02:01,384 seeing their precious darlings duct-taped to the wall. 40 00:02:01,419 --> 00:02:04,287 Mm-hmm. And then you entered the public system. 41 00:02:04,322 --> 00:02:06,589 That's where I got this scar. 42 00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:08,258 What scar? 43 00:02:11,296 --> 00:02:13,696 Oh, I see you're left-handed. 44 00:02:13,732 --> 00:02:15,565 So, that concludes my evaluation. 45 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,900 Enjoy fourth grade. 46 00:02:17,969 --> 00:02:20,303 So, any dirt on the new teacher? 47 00:02:20,338 --> 00:02:22,872 Is he stingy with the pumpkin stickers? 48 00:02:22,908 --> 00:02:25,108 Does he have OCD? OCD? OCD? 49 00:02:25,143 --> 00:02:27,043 I don't know. 50 00:02:27,078 --> 00:02:30,280 But in ten minutes, I'm gonna have him kneeling before Zod. 51 00:02:30,315 --> 00:02:32,916 In this example, I'm Zod. 52 00:02:36,154 --> 00:02:38,154 When he opens the door... 53 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,093 That's kind of scary, 54 00:02:44,129 --> 00:02:46,496 but it doesn't make me pee my pants. 55 00:02:46,531 --> 00:02:48,064 Hello. 56 00:02:50,368 --> 00:02:52,602 I'm Mr. Lassen. 57 00:02:52,637 --> 00:02:54,904 You mean Mr. Less-than? 58 00:02:56,107 --> 00:02:58,608 So, a comedian, are you? 59 00:02:58,643 --> 00:03:00,777 I got a pretty solid ten minutes. 60 00:03:00,812 --> 00:03:03,980 Well, I could do five minutes on your pathetic vest 61 00:03:04,015 --> 00:03:06,182 and five minutes on your ugly buck teeth. 62 00:03:06,217 --> 00:03:08,251 And I've got a whole HBO special's worth 63 00:03:08,286 --> 00:03:09,986 on your fat mama! 64 00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:13,289 My mom can't afford to be fat-- she's an exotic dancer. 65 00:03:13,325 --> 00:03:14,791 Oh! 66 00:03:14,826 --> 00:03:18,294 And in what exotic location does she dance? 67 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:19,495 A Touch of Class. 68 00:03:19,531 --> 00:03:20,964 But the "C-L" fell off. 69 00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:23,166 Son, there was never a "C-L." 70 00:03:23,201 --> 00:03:25,535 I-I think I always knew that! 71 00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:28,037 Bart, this guy served 72 00:03:28,073 --> 00:03:30,106 two tours in middle school. 73 00:03:30,141 --> 00:03:31,608 Abort prank! 74 00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:32,809 I will not. 75 00:03:32,844 --> 00:03:34,944 Anything to delay a spelling test. 76 00:03:40,251 --> 00:03:44,187 Looks like I've got a prankster on my hands. 77 00:03:44,222 --> 00:03:46,222 You know, son, 78 00:03:46,257 --> 00:03:48,458 school code says a student's hair 79 00:03:48,493 --> 00:03:51,327 should be of uniform length. 80 00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:52,562 What are you gonna do to him? 81 00:03:52,597 --> 00:03:54,731 Quiet... Smellson. 82 00:03:54,766 --> 00:03:58,067 Smellson? I prayed no one would ever think of that! 83 00:04:01,573 --> 00:04:03,673 Ay, caramba. 84 00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:05,875 How was your first day at school, Bart? 85 00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:07,143 Terrible. 86 00:04:07,178 --> 00:04:08,811 You want to talk about it? No. 87 00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:10,146 Oh, thank you. 88 00:04:10,181 --> 00:04:12,148 Why are you wearing your hat at dinner? 89 00:04:12,183 --> 00:04:14,517 This new teacher I got gave me a haircut. 90 00:04:14,552 --> 00:04:16,319 Hmm? A haircut? Let me see. 91 00:04:16,354 --> 00:04:18,254 No. Come on. Please? 92 00:04:18,289 --> 00:04:20,189 No, you'll laugh at me. 93 00:04:20,225 --> 00:04:21,924 I won't laugh at you. Let's see. 94 00:04:25,864 --> 00:04:28,331 Look at me. I'm Bart. 95 00:04:28,366 --> 00:04:29,732 We're sorry. 96 00:04:36,374 --> 00:04:38,541 Stop that, all of you. 97 00:04:38,576 --> 00:04:40,943 It's not Bart's fault that his haircut looks so stupid. 98 00:04:42,027 --> 00:04:44,415 I didn't know that a teacher could cut kids' hair. 99 00:04:44,416 --> 00:04:46,783 Teachers' union won the right in their last strike. 100 00:04:46,818 --> 00:04:50,753 I'm going to go to that school and talk to that teacher. 101 00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:52,422 Marge, please don't say anything. 102 00:04:52,457 --> 00:04:53,856 It never makes a difference, 103 00:04:53,892 --> 00:04:55,858 and then the teachers give us stink-eye 104 00:04:55,894 --> 00:04:57,927 during the school fairs. 105 00:04:57,962 --> 00:04:59,562 Well, if he's gonna get a haircut, 106 00:04:59,597 --> 00:05:02,565 Bart should at least have gotten a balloon with it. 107 00:05:03,735 --> 00:05:05,234 Well, anyway, Bart, 108 00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:08,438 you'll cheer up on our camping trip this weekend. 109 00:05:08,473 --> 00:05:09,706 What camping trip? 110 00:05:09,741 --> 00:05:12,575 The one you booked for us at Owl Haven. 111 00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:16,112 The one you have to reserve a year in advance. 112 00:05:16,147 --> 00:05:20,616 Oh, uh, you told me not to do it a year ago. Remember? 113 00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:21,918 I don't remember that. 114 00:05:21,953 --> 00:05:23,920 You're right. No one can be expected 115 00:05:23,955 --> 00:05:26,089 to remember something from a year ago. 116 00:05:26,124 --> 00:05:28,391 Certainly not me. Pass the gravy. 117 00:05:28,426 --> 00:05:31,594 Don't tell me you didn't reserve a campsite. 118 00:05:31,629 --> 00:05:35,098 Labor Day is next weekend. There'll be nothing left. 119 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,333 Hey, there's always room at Buzzard's Roost. 120 00:05:37,368 --> 00:05:40,837 Excuse me, but Buzzard's Roost is a converted parking lot. 121 00:05:40,872 --> 00:05:44,107 Excuse me, but grass is poking through. 122 00:05:44,142 --> 00:05:46,175 Why do I ever put you in charge Parking lot! 123 00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:47,443 of the littlest thing? Poking through! 124 00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:48,578 Parking lot! 125 00:05:48,613 --> 00:05:49,746 Poking through! 126 00:05:49,781 --> 00:05:52,148 My biggest sin is that I dare to hope. 127 00:05:53,651 --> 00:05:56,452 Oh, Marge, I can't stand it when you cry at dinner. 128 00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:58,287 The pork chops look traumatized. 129 00:05:58,323 --> 00:06:00,289 The mashed potatoes can't stand to watch. 130 00:06:00,325 --> 00:06:02,492 Even the children seem upset. 131 00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:06,329 So trust me, I will come through for you, baby. 132 00:06:07,732 --> 00:06:08,765 Not you. 133 00:06:09,734 --> 00:06:11,334 So what do you say, Marge? 134 00:06:11,369 --> 00:06:14,003 I want so much to believe you. 135 00:06:14,038 --> 00:06:16,439 And I want you to believe me, too. 136 00:06:16,474 --> 00:06:18,975 Isn't it great how much we agree? 137 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:26,382 Looks like our blackboard has been defaced. 138 00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:28,818 Lucky for you, I can take a joke. 139 00:06:30,688 --> 00:06:32,121 Hello? 140 00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:33,523 Hello? Is everything okay? 141 00:06:33,558 --> 00:06:35,958 Here's... Millie! 142 00:06:35,994 --> 00:06:38,995 Excuse me, you ruined my report. 143 00:06:39,030 --> 00:06:40,563 Fine. You got an "A." 144 00:06:40,598 --> 00:06:43,299 Oh! Yippee! Fourth-grade "A"! 145 00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:46,469 You might fool some people, El Barto, but not me. 146 00:06:47,672 --> 00:06:50,406 Now we're gonna learn about electricity. 147 00:06:50,441 --> 00:06:52,542 Hey, live wire. Come up here. 148 00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:54,277 Touch the generator. 149 00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:58,981 Even I think this is too far. 150 00:06:59,017 --> 00:07:00,550 Quiet, Smellson. 151 00:07:00,585 --> 00:07:02,485 It's sticking. 152 00:07:08,726 --> 00:07:11,394 I just need to get to 60%. 153 00:07:13,746 --> 00:07:16,213 Milhouse, I'm gonna get back at Lassen. 154 00:07:16,248 --> 00:07:17,547 Now, The Hobbit taught us 155 00:07:17,583 --> 00:07:19,549 that every dragon has a chink in its armor. 156 00:07:19,585 --> 00:07:21,184 It also taught us 157 00:07:21,220 --> 00:07:23,253 that New Zealand's beautiful landscapes 158 00:07:23,289 --> 00:07:25,088 and attractive tax credits 159 00:07:25,124 --> 00:07:27,758 add up to a filmmaker's paradise. 160 00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:33,497 For more information, visit www.nzfilmhere.nz. 161 00:07:33,532 --> 00:07:34,731 To find out Lassen's weakness, 162 00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:36,500 I hid a camera in the teachers' lounge. 163 00:07:44,009 --> 00:07:46,343 Ach! Wrong order! 164 00:07:49,415 --> 00:07:52,783 You seem lonely and kind of weird. 165 00:07:52,818 --> 00:07:54,551 You left out "single." 166 00:07:54,586 --> 00:07:56,386 Mind if I heat up some goulash? 167 00:07:56,422 --> 00:07:59,656 Let's continue this online. 168 00:08:01,427 --> 00:08:03,894 I've created a fake Ms. Hoover profile. 169 00:08:03,929 --> 00:08:07,230 When Lassen friends her, we'll know everything about him. 170 00:08:07,266 --> 00:08:08,732 I don't know, Bart. 171 00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:10,734 You're lying about your identity? 172 00:08:10,769 --> 00:08:12,736 That's against the terms and conditions. 173 00:08:12,771 --> 00:08:16,173 We've all read the terms and conditions, Milhouse. 174 00:08:16,208 --> 00:08:18,175 Look, I really need a campsite. 175 00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:20,610 My wife is making sandwiches. 176 00:08:20,646 --> 00:08:23,280 Sorry, reservations are a year in advance. 177 00:08:23,315 --> 00:08:25,349 What about Mosquito Cove? Booked. 178 00:08:25,384 --> 00:08:28,352 Skunk Canyon? Booked every year since 2003. 179 00:08:28,387 --> 00:08:30,821 Ooh, how about the campsite where the guy in the hockey mask 180 00:08:30,856 --> 00:08:32,089 kills all the campers? 181 00:08:32,124 --> 00:08:34,124 Sir, that's a movie. 182 00:08:35,461 --> 00:08:38,428 Hello? Hello? This is Homer Simpson. 183 00:08:38,464 --> 00:08:40,430 742 Evergreen Terrace. 184 00:08:40,466 --> 00:08:42,899 Looking for a place for my kids and me. 185 00:08:42,935 --> 00:08:44,501 And my pretty, pretty wife. 186 00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:47,371 You know, alarm code 3679. 187 00:08:47,406 --> 00:08:49,406 3679! 188 00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:53,543 So I hear you're getting back at Lassen. 189 00:08:53,579 --> 00:08:55,712 Maybe I am. So? 190 00:08:55,748 --> 00:08:59,216 You got to do it, man. He preys on the weak. 191 00:08:59,251 --> 00:09:01,518 Now, give me your lunch money. 192 00:09:01,553 --> 00:09:03,854 I'll take that. 193 00:09:07,693 --> 00:09:09,593 Here's Lassen's profile. 194 00:09:09,628 --> 00:09:12,329 What the...? 195 00:09:12,364 --> 00:09:14,498 Tagged as Lassen? 196 00:09:15,868 --> 00:09:19,236 It says these were taken at Blazing Guy. 197 00:09:19,271 --> 00:09:21,238 What's Blazing Guy? 198 00:09:21,273 --> 00:09:23,340 Oh, that's convenient. 199 00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:25,075 Helloha. 200 00:09:25,110 --> 00:09:28,512 Do you want to make your home in a self-sustaining city 201 00:09:28,547 --> 00:09:31,748 that only exists a few days a year? 202 00:09:31,784 --> 00:09:34,751 One that combines nudity, dust storms, 203 00:09:34,787 --> 00:09:38,388 children and all-consuming fires? 204 00:09:38,424 --> 00:09:40,891 Then you, my bro or brah, 205 00:09:40,926 --> 00:09:44,161 are dreaming of Blazing Guy. 206 00:09:44,196 --> 00:09:46,163 On the last day, 207 00:09:46,198 --> 00:09:48,498 the chosen one, or Ignis, 208 00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:52,169 sets fire to the giant wooden Guy 209 00:09:52,204 --> 00:09:56,540 in a ritual dating back to 1986. 210 00:09:56,575 --> 00:09:58,542 The Blazing Guy Council of Elders, 211 00:09:58,577 --> 00:10:00,277 in conjunction with Duraflame, 212 00:10:00,312 --> 00:10:02,112 is very pleased to announce 213 00:10:02,147 --> 00:10:05,749 that this year's Ignis is Jack Lassen. 214 00:10:06,819 --> 00:10:08,585 So if we go there with a camera 215 00:10:08,620 --> 00:10:09,886 to film Lassen humiliating himself, 216 00:10:09,922 --> 00:10:12,088 I'll get revenge for him making me into this. 217 00:10:13,959 --> 00:10:15,525 I was trying to even it out. 218 00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,761 You're starting to look like your dad. 219 00:10:17,796 --> 00:10:19,196 No. 220 00:10:19,231 --> 00:10:22,499 I'm lucky. I look just like my mom. 221 00:10:27,239 --> 00:10:30,807 Gosh, that was a hard sleeping bag to roll up. 222 00:10:30,843 --> 00:10:32,809 Those were your father's sweatpants. 223 00:10:32,845 --> 00:10:34,911 Marge, 224 00:10:34,947 --> 00:10:37,247 I have a confession to make about this trip. 225 00:10:37,282 --> 00:10:38,582 Dad, don't worry. 226 00:10:38,617 --> 00:10:40,217 I got you a place. 227 00:10:40,252 --> 00:10:41,618 Hmm? Once again, 228 00:10:41,653 --> 00:10:43,653 I've been saved from any consequences. 229 00:10:43,689 --> 00:10:45,322 It'll keep happening till one day 230 00:10:45,357 --> 00:10:48,925 I create a mess so enormous it can't be cleaned up. 231 00:10:48,961 --> 00:10:50,494 Thanks, boy. 232 00:10:52,464 --> 00:10:54,097 ♪ A-camping we will go ♪ 233 00:10:54,132 --> 00:10:56,099 ♪ But where? I still don't know ♪ 234 00:10:56,134 --> 00:10:58,468 ♪ A place that's filled with sun and sand ♪ 235 00:10:58,504 --> 00:11:00,103 ♪ A desert steampunk Disneyland ♪ 236 00:11:00,138 --> 00:11:05,008 ♪ Keep expectations low... ♪ 237 00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:09,779 ♪ Swing low, sweet chariot... ♪ 238 00:11:10,782 --> 00:11:12,716 Hmm. 239 00:11:18,056 --> 00:11:20,690 Homer Simpson, I love you. 240 00:11:24,329 --> 00:11:25,662 Oh. 241 00:11:27,332 --> 00:11:30,867 A world of anarchic free expression. 242 00:11:30,903 --> 00:11:33,169 Cars shaped like cupcakes! 243 00:11:33,205 --> 00:11:34,971 I'm home. I'm home. 244 00:11:36,308 --> 00:11:38,642 No, no, no, don't blow me out, wise guy. 245 00:11:38,677 --> 00:11:40,210 Not in the mood. 246 00:11:50,575 --> 00:11:54,243 I'm not sure this campground is family-friendly. 247 00:11:54,279 --> 00:11:55,945 All camping is pointless. 248 00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:58,214 You drive hundreds of miles to shower and sleep 249 00:11:58,249 --> 00:12:01,050 in a place with no bathroom or beds. 250 00:12:01,086 --> 00:12:03,920 I guess what I'm trying to say is: Where's Maggie? 251 00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:08,491 We brought Cheerios for you. 252 00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,796 Now, you know the wind does kick up here. 253 00:12:13,832 --> 00:12:16,332 Hope you went three feet down with your tent stakes. 254 00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:19,602 Uh, listen here, Desert Arnaz. 255 00:12:19,637 --> 00:12:22,872 Homer Simpson knows how to pitch a tent. 256 00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:27,744 Hey man, can I bum a tent? 257 00:12:28,813 --> 00:12:30,246 You seem stressed. 258 00:12:30,281 --> 00:12:32,081 Have some calming tea. 259 00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:35,018 Finally. A normal person. 260 00:12:35,053 --> 00:12:37,620 Ah. Thank you, Miss, um... 261 00:12:37,655 --> 00:12:40,656 Calypso Self-Knowledge. 262 00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:43,826 Is that tea... adulterated? 263 00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:46,496 Does that look like something I'd do? 264 00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,832 Hey, Marge. 265 00:12:49,868 --> 00:12:53,870 We got a new tent from a guy who just O.D.'d. 266 00:12:55,073 --> 00:12:57,340 Aw, let me get a picture of that. 267 00:13:00,845 --> 00:13:02,145 Aw. 268 00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:04,280 I think Smitty's still inside. 269 00:13:04,315 --> 00:13:05,982 Oh, too bad he's missing this. 270 00:13:06,017 --> 00:13:08,384 So many musical choices. 271 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:09,852 A brass band. 272 00:13:09,888 --> 00:13:11,788 Barbershop quintet? 273 00:13:11,823 --> 00:13:13,356 The human kazoo. 274 00:13:13,391 --> 00:13:15,892 Oh, a drum circle. 275 00:13:32,277 --> 00:13:34,744 Uh... can I help you, freak? 276 00:13:34,779 --> 00:13:36,746 No. 277 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,919 There he is. 278 00:13:42,954 --> 00:13:46,155 His nipples are asymmetrical. 279 00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:47,824 This could ruin him. 280 00:13:47,859 --> 00:13:49,759 Milhouse, everyone here is a total freak. 281 00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:52,695 We have to find a way to completely humiliate Lassen. 282 00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,598 Get a picture of a restaurant check with no tip, 283 00:13:55,633 --> 00:13:57,767 put it online, say it was him. 284 00:13:57,802 --> 00:13:59,435 Kaboom, he's finished. 285 00:14:03,641 --> 00:14:05,141 Mmm. 286 00:14:07,579 --> 00:14:09,946 Oh. 287 00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:12,682 Suddenly this place 288 00:14:12,717 --> 00:14:15,051 doesn't seem so bad. 289 00:14:15,086 --> 00:14:16,552 This place is great. 290 00:14:16,588 --> 00:14:19,122 Just have to avoid these inseam-high cactuses. 291 00:14:19,157 --> 00:14:20,723 Hup, hup. 292 00:14:20,758 --> 00:14:22,391 D'oh! 293 00:14:22,427 --> 00:14:26,195 Oh. Are you Mr. Clean? 294 00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:29,098 Compared to the rest of these people, yeah. 295 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:31,434 So give the Tooth Fairy my forwarding address, 296 00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:33,703 'cause it's pretty loose. 297 00:14:33,738 --> 00:14:36,372 About time. It's the only phone. 298 00:14:36,407 --> 00:14:38,441 You don't count. 299 00:14:39,944 --> 00:14:42,879 Maybe we should just give up on Lassen. 300 00:14:42,914 --> 00:14:45,248 No. This Ignis thing is the biggest deal of his life. 301 00:14:45,283 --> 00:14:46,582 And I'm gonna wreck it. 302 00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:49,085 Because he scarred me forever. 303 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,987 Hey, it grew back. 304 00:14:51,022 --> 00:14:52,388 A little better, even. 305 00:14:52,423 --> 00:14:54,123 So full and lush. 306 00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:55,458 Enough. 307 00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:57,293 Mmm. 308 00:14:57,328 --> 00:14:58,995 It's like someone ironed out 309 00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:02,465 all the wrinkles in my brain. 310 00:15:34,832 --> 00:15:37,466 Get in the tent. 311 00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:45,141 D'oh! 312 00:15:47,512 --> 00:15:49,879 Oh, you always save me, 313 00:15:49,914 --> 00:15:51,814 trombone elephant. 314 00:15:58,122 --> 00:16:00,022 Hmm. 315 00:16:00,058 --> 00:16:01,424 Fire retardant? 316 00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:06,829 If Lassen can't light that thing, he'll be humiliated. 317 00:16:06,864 --> 00:16:09,799 What good is an Ignis who can't blaze the guy? 318 00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:11,467 I'm scared, Bart. 319 00:16:11,502 --> 00:16:13,402 And I am never scared. 320 00:16:15,773 --> 00:16:17,273 Hideous. 321 00:16:30,588 --> 00:16:32,555 These kids are gonna ruin the ceremony. 322 00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:34,590 It's too bad I'm just an illusion. 323 00:16:44,035 --> 00:16:45,501 Homie, you promised me 324 00:16:45,536 --> 00:16:47,503 an incredible camping trip, 325 00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:49,038 and I got one. 326 00:16:49,073 --> 00:16:50,873 Just like I planned. 327 00:16:50,908 --> 00:16:53,509 You got very lucky this time. 328 00:16:53,544 --> 00:16:55,111 Don't push it. 329 00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:56,579 I understand. 330 00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:59,415 I already signed up for this place next year. 331 00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:03,252 I gave my form and $200 cash to that dude. 332 00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,121 D'oh! 333 00:17:10,161 --> 00:17:13,396 Ignis, approach the Burning Man. 334 00:17:13,431 --> 00:17:15,931 I mean Blazing Guy. 335 00:17:31,949 --> 00:17:34,016 Get the job done. 336 00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:35,618 You're not helping. 337 00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,660 Strip him of his nudity. 338 00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,406 You. 339 00:17:57,442 --> 00:17:59,141 Maybe we won't have Blazing Guy, 340 00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:00,743 but we can still have... 341 00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:02,611 blazing boy. 342 00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:03,979 What, uh... 343 00:18:11,022 --> 00:18:13,489 Help me, desert weirdos. 344 00:18:15,693 --> 00:18:17,226 I'll take those. 345 00:18:20,865 --> 00:18:23,699 Beware the butterfly's sting. 346 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,468 What the...? 347 00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:31,807 Form a human prison 348 00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,877 and hold him for five days. 349 00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:40,549 No. 350 00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:42,551 Wait, how many days? 351 00:18:44,989 --> 00:18:46,822 Hey, listen, we should probably get home. 352 00:18:46,858 --> 00:18:48,324 My dad forgot to bring water. 353 00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:56,532 Whoa. When will this tea get out of my system? 354 00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:14,550 Haw-haw! 355 00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,953 What the...? 356 00:19:20,570 --> 00:19:24,172 According to this file from Blazing Guy Secret Security, 357 00:19:24,207 --> 00:19:26,274 your behavior was so egregious 358 00:19:26,309 --> 00:19:29,177 we can do something that we've never done before: 359 00:19:29,212 --> 00:19:30,545 fire a teacher. 360 00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:32,580 Hand in your red pen. 361 00:19:36,286 --> 00:19:39,354 Oh. Not gonna pass fingernail inspection tonight. 362 00:19:39,389 --> 00:19:40,855 So where do you go from here? 363 00:19:40,891 --> 00:19:43,458 A place where my talents will be appreciated. 364 00:19:43,493 --> 00:19:45,493 All right, lights out. 365 00:19:49,099 --> 00:19:50,432 You, too, freak. 366 00:19:52,469 --> 00:19:54,269 You hate him, too? 367 00:19:54,304 --> 00:19:57,439 With every fiber of what's left of my wretched soul. 368 00:19:57,474 --> 00:19:59,641 We should team up. I can get you out of here. 369 00:19:59,676 --> 00:20:02,856 A partner? Intriguing. Who gets to gut him 370 00:20:02,856 --> 00:20:04,287 like a little pot-bellied salmon? 371 00:20:04,668 --> 00:20:06,452 I assumed we'd take turns. 372 00:20:06,476 --> 00:20:07,556 No deal. 373 00:20:07,656 --> 00:20:14,156 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 374 00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:55,730 Shh!