1
00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:03,727
Whee!
2
00:00:03,729 --> 00:00:05,713
Uh-oh. Aah!
3
00:00:11,587 --> 00:00:13,570
(toy squeaking)
4
00:00:13,572 --> 00:00:14,680
HOMER: D'oh.
5
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:26,083
So eggs, which were bad,
then good,
6
00:00:26,085 --> 00:00:28,027
then bad again,
are now good again.
7
00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:29,770
And... Wait a minute.
8
00:00:29,772 --> 00:00:31,196
Now they're bad again.
9
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,349
I can't believe you still watch
the local news, Dad.
10
00:00:34,351 --> 00:00:36,109
Local news is great, sweetie.
11
00:00:36,111 --> 00:00:38,428
It's just like
your precious Internet,
12
00:00:38,430 --> 00:00:39,872
except you don't post
angry comments,
13
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,041
you yell them at the screen.
14
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:45,102
You call those
lottery numbers?!
15
00:00:45,104 --> 00:00:46,953
You call that a weather report?
16
00:00:46,955 --> 00:00:48,196
In other news...
17
00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,882
You call that a segue?
18
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:51,383
A heartbreaking story today
19
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,794
at one of Springfield's
oldest establishments.
20
00:00:53,796 --> 00:00:55,220
Stupid local news.
21
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:58,298
Always making everything sound
like the end of the world.
22
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,559
Springfield's Bowl-A-Rama
23
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,619
is closing forever.
24
00:01:02,621 --> 00:01:04,121
No!
25
00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:05,230
Why does every place
26
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:08,692
nobody goes to anymore close?
27
00:01:11,146 --> 00:01:13,997
Farewell, workout
of the working man.
28
00:01:13,999 --> 00:01:15,390
The thunder of the pins,
29
00:01:15,392 --> 00:01:18,135
the sweet smell
of shoe disinfectant,
30
00:01:18,137 --> 00:01:21,062
the beauty
of a perfectly-dragged toe.
31
00:01:21,064 --> 00:01:23,064
That alley was magical.
32
00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,566
It's where I was initiated
33
00:01:24,568 --> 00:01:26,734
into one of the greatest wonders
of my life.
34
00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:29,421
Hey, little squirt.
35
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:33,425
You want to try these new things
called nachos?
36
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,985
Oh, big deal.
37
00:01:34,987 --> 00:01:36,820
It's just a stack
of tortilla chips.
38
00:01:36,822 --> 00:01:38,388
Is it?
39
00:01:38,824 --> 00:01:40,557
♪
40
00:01:43,178 --> 00:01:45,604
I've licked the face of God.
41
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,004
Mmm.
42
00:01:54,006 --> 00:01:56,264
Homer.
43
00:01:57,267 --> 00:01:58,358
Wait, wait, wait.
Was that your daydream
44
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,936
-or little Homer's?
-It doesn't matter.
45
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:03,530
We can't let that alley
go out of business.
46
00:02:03,532 --> 00:02:06,700
We'll go there, park our butts
on the manager's face,
47
00:02:06,702 --> 00:02:07,626
and never, ever leave.
48
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,777
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
49
00:02:09,779 --> 00:02:11,380
Their beer is the best.
50
00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:13,298
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
51
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,858
If you do that,
then I'll go out of business.
52
00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:17,694
-Eh.
-Yeah.
-Mm.
53
00:02:17,696 --> 00:02:19,120
This place is depressing.
54
00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:20,472
Eh, what the hell.
55
00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:27,295
Hey, look, don't blame me.
56
00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:30,274
The lanes are so warped, people
just don't want to bowl anymore.
57
00:02:33,970 --> 00:02:36,380
-So, I'm selling out.
-Relax, people.
58
00:02:36,382 --> 00:02:39,324
I bought the alley
because I love the retro vibe.
59
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,660
Did you know John Waters
wears bowling shirts?
60
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,719
ALL:
Yes.
61
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:43,887
I'm gonna
turn this amazing space
62
00:02:43,889 --> 00:02:47,407
into The Bowl-A-Rama
at Springfield Yards.
63
00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:51,077
You'll be able to live, work,
doom-scroll, cat-cafe...
64
00:02:51,079 --> 00:02:53,897
-And bowl?
-No. No bowling. Ugh.
65
00:02:53,899 --> 00:02:56,066
Hey, pal, if you don't like
bowling, you don't like me.
66
00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:59,661
-I don't like you.
-Mm. Fair enough.
67
00:02:59,663 --> 00:03:01,162
Terrence, give us one week
68
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,089
to make this alley
a going concern.
69
00:03:03,091 --> 00:03:04,591
You'll have more bowlers
than a hat shop.
70
00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:07,001
We'll prove you wrong.
71
00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:09,246
Ugh. Can't you just
prove me wrong now?
72
00:03:09,248 --> 00:03:10,505
I hate waiting for anything.
73
00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:12,916
One week.
74
00:03:12,918 --> 00:03:14,359
Well, I hate waiting,
but I love being proved wrong.
75
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,528
You're on.
76
00:03:17,756 --> 00:03:18,939
We're here for the, uh...
77
00:03:18,941 --> 00:03:22,492
"Night of Everlasting
Bowl-mates?"
78
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,542
Uh, maybe we'll just
skip the bowling.
79
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,436
(growls)
80
00:03:32,438 --> 00:03:35,464
Like hell you will.
(grunts)
81
00:03:37,125 --> 00:03:38,625
I'm here for my birthday party,
82
00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:42,796
which you said would be at the
Laser Tag and Crocodile Ranch.
83
00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:45,039
(scoffs)
How old is this place?
84
00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:47,517
The soda machine
doesn't even take phones.
85
00:03:49,121 --> 00:03:51,212
I'll have you know this place
is endorsed by a group
86
00:03:51,214 --> 00:03:55,317
that's popular
with today's kids: ZZ Top.
87
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,796
How many of these lame-o
beard-os are still alive?
88
00:03:59,798 --> 00:04:02,241
All of them. I think.
89
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,575
Oh, boy.
90
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,560
Oh, attendance is barely up.
91
00:04:05,562 --> 00:04:07,487
And the fire department
won't even let me
92
00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:08,747
lock people in.
93
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,733
-Let us out, please.
-Never!
94
00:04:11,735 --> 00:04:13,143
Oh. Right.
95
00:04:13,145 --> 00:04:15,145
Come on, Marge, help me out.
96
00:04:15,147 --> 00:04:17,071
Let's bowl the night away.
97
00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:19,258
I don't bowl, Homer.
It's your thing.
98
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,743
Please, I just want
one thing in this world
99
00:04:21,745 --> 00:04:23,320
to be like it was.
100
00:04:23,322 --> 00:04:24,579
When I drive down
Crypto.com Boulevard,
101
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:27,415
I can barely remember
102
00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:30,918
which cannabis dispensaries
used to be Internet cafes.
103
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,662
I don't want to bowl!
104
00:04:32,664 --> 00:04:34,547
Marge, are you concealing
105
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:37,150
a secret about bowling?
106
00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:40,504
Bowling and life
107
00:04:40,506 --> 00:04:42,263
begin in the hips.
108
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,073
Oh.
109
00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:47,619
(grunts)
110
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,529
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
111
00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:50,438
(whoops)
112
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,365
D'oh!
113
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:55,685
Um, there's something
I never told you about my past.
114
00:04:55,687 --> 00:04:57,854
The past. (scoffs)
115
00:04:57,856 --> 00:04:59,356
The past is past.
116
00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,374
Do you want to know
every little mistake I've made?
117
00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:03,802
-Sort of.
-Aah! Let's go bowling.
118
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,972
Now, the ball might seem
a little greasy.
119
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,049
Make sure you don't
drop it on your foot.
120
00:05:09,051 --> 00:05:10,976
To put it in your language,
121
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,562
it's like rolling a Maggie.
122
00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:17,316
Strike!
You got a strike.
123
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:21,111
Pretend you're hurling a roast
into an oven 60 feet away.
124
00:05:22,731 --> 00:05:24,472
Are you gonna listen to me
or are you gonna bowl?
125
00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:28,552
Watch out, pins.
Here comes Mama.
126
00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:29,745
("Hells Bells" by AC/DC playing)
127
00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:42,507
A baby split with company.
128
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,967
I got this.
129
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,830
Wow, Homer. Your wife bowls
130
00:05:48,832 --> 00:05:50,757
like a 60-year-old teamster.
131
00:05:50,759 --> 00:05:52,976
Thank you.
132
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,729
♪
133
00:06:26,128 --> 00:06:29,388
Ooh. I really need
to get back in water.
134
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:32,724
Marge, can we have
bronto burgers tonight?
135
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,802
Homer, you're not
Fred Flintstone.
136
00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:37,687
Yabba dabba d'oh!
137
00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:41,066
-(cheering)
-Mom!
138
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,626
Somebody get Mama a beer.
139
00:06:43,629 --> 00:06:48,323
He's in that world
more than he is with us.
140
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,579
(cheering, whistling)
141
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,807
Homie, are you upset
that I'm good at your thing?
142
00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:59,993
No, Marge. I am in awe.
143
00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:01,327
You have a gift.
144
00:07:01,329 --> 00:07:03,070
I could no more be mad at you
145
00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:05,424
than at an angel
playing horseshoes.
146
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,927
You're a butterfly
that can kick field goals.
147
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,597
How in God's name
did you get so perfect?
148
00:07:16,011 --> 00:07:17,827
-Aah!
-Attention.
149
00:07:17,829 --> 00:07:18,753
I have an offer to make,
150
00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:20,588
and like everything hipsters do,
151
00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:21,514
it requires
everyone's attention.
152
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,334
Hey, you.
You're not looking at me.
153
00:07:24,336 --> 00:07:25,259
Sorry.
154
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:27,779
Those pearls. That hair.
155
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,949
The game of the '30s played
by a dame from the '50s?
156
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,411
It's retro on kitsch
to the power of vintage.
157
00:07:36,272 --> 00:07:38,348
-Oh.
-Here's the pitch, Marge.
158
00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:41,351
You bowl one game against
the challenger of my choice.
159
00:07:41,353 --> 00:07:43,778
Win, and the alley stays open.
160
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:46,298
Lose, and I turn it
into a coffee shop so expensive
161
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,025
your eyes will bleed.
Deal?
162
00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:51,953
Deal.
You're going down, Terrence.
163
00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:53,805
In your face.
164
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,032
-(thud)
-(squealing feedback)
165
00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:57,792
Sorry. I sh-I shouldn't
have done that.
166
00:07:57,794 --> 00:08:01,313
If there's any damage,
here's a Best Buy gift card.
167
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,228
Ah, Springfield's greatest
bowling mama.
168
00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:11,381
Beppo, Guiseppe,
bring-a the meatball.
169
00:08:11,383 --> 00:08:13,492
Hey, a picture
for Luigi's Wall of Fame.
170
00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:17,311
Now chop it up.
It's today's special.
171
00:08:17,313 --> 00:08:19,146
Tomorrow, into the soup.
172
00:08:19,148 --> 00:08:20,648
Then it goes to the dogs.
173
00:08:20,650 --> 00:08:22,501
Then, back into the soup.
174
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:24,169
What you doing, angel?
175
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,730
Planning for the match.
176
00:08:26,732 --> 00:08:28,965
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
177
00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:35,997
I can't believe you've never
taken a single lesson.
178
00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:38,225
♪
179
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:42,579
(hissing)
180
00:08:42,581 --> 00:08:44,564
Aah!
(panting)
181
00:08:46,101 --> 00:08:48,676
Oh, this is so great.
182
00:08:48,678 --> 00:08:50,028
You're saving the town.
183
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,606
I'm sleeping with the woman
who's saving the town.
184
00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:55,608
Oh, okay, okay, fine.
185
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,260
I'll bowl the match,
186
00:08:57,262 --> 00:08:58,686
no matter what the danger is
to our marriage.
187
00:08:58,688 --> 00:09:02,374
That's my girl.
Sleep well, lady of the lane.
188
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:06,102
Now I have some mental work
to do of my own.
189
00:09:06,104 --> 00:09:07,462
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
190
00:09:09,958 --> 00:09:12,125
Mmm. Pizza.
191
00:09:12,127 --> 00:09:13,276
Tastes as good off the ceiling
192
00:09:13,278 --> 00:09:15,887
as it does off the floor.
193
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:16,555
♪
194
00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:21,601
(sighs)
195
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,698
("Ramblin' Man" by
Allman Brothers Band playing)
196
00:09:37,636 --> 00:09:42,155
We did to that ball
what we did to Hitler's bombs--
197
00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:43,248
got out of the way.
198
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,084
What's going on?
Mom's got the yips.
199
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,586
How do you know?
200
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,404
There's something in me that
senses when trouble is brewing.
201
00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:51,831
It's a sign of early neurosis,
202
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:54,667
but it's irrelevant that
my feelings are always accurate,
203
00:09:54,669 --> 00:09:56,336
and I've got to remember that.
204
00:09:56,338 --> 00:09:58,321
(panting)
205
00:09:58,323 --> 00:10:00,265
Marge, you need confidence.
206
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,583
This calls for
the most exclusive level
207
00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:04,251
of therapist there is:
208
00:10:04,253 --> 00:10:07,163
a professional
bowling instructor.
209
00:10:07,165 --> 00:10:08,565
(bowling pins clattering)
210
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,853
(French accent):
Hello, Marge.
211
00:10:13,855 --> 00:10:15,763
Oh, God. Oh, God.
212
00:10:15,765 --> 00:10:17,598
Please be another fantasy.
213
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,307
(bowling pins clattering)
214
00:10:18,309 --> 00:10:20,526
Shoo! Shoo, shoo. Shoo!
215
00:10:20,528 --> 00:10:22,528
Stop with the "shoo."
It is I, in the flesh.
216
00:10:22,530 --> 00:10:26,182
You like the way I just said
that word, "flesh"?
217
00:10:26,184 --> 00:10:28,184
I can make anything
sound erotic.
218
00:10:28,186 --> 00:10:30,462
Garbage disposal.
219
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,689
Toilet plunger.
220
00:10:32,691 --> 00:10:33,206
Lollipop.
221
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,467
Enough with the words.
222
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,193
What are you doing here?
223
00:10:37,195 --> 00:10:38,862
I brought him.
224
00:10:38,864 --> 00:10:41,381
Homer, do you know who he is?
225
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:42,641
I sure do.
226
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:47,220
He's the best darn
bowling instructor in the city.
227
00:10:47,222 --> 00:10:49,147
I'm not sure
I'm comfortable with a...
228
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,541
French bowling instructor.
229
00:10:51,543 --> 00:10:54,711
"Homair," may I speak
to your wife, please? Alone?
230
00:10:54,713 --> 00:10:57,213
Hey, I don't need to know
how the sausage is made.
231
00:10:57,215 --> 00:10:58,823
Just start grinding.
232
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,826
Going to Moe's.
(whistling upbeat tune)
233
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,310
Don't worry, Marge.
234
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:04,996
My interest in you
is purely professional.
235
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,648
Why are you in my ear?
236
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:11,060
Oh, would you rather I be
in your nose? I don't think so.
237
00:11:11,062 --> 00:11:13,838
Quite frankly, Marge,
I'm hard of speaking.
238
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,065
How can I believe
your interest in me
239
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,992
is just professional?
240
00:11:17,994 --> 00:11:19,068
If I am lying, may I...
241
00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:21,905
never taste cheese again.
242
00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:24,165
Wow. Wow.
243
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:25,517
See you tomorrow at 10:00.
244
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,911
And what if you show up
and I'm not there?
245
00:11:27,913 --> 00:11:30,021
Then a good and decent man
who loves you
246
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,081
will suffer horribly.
247
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,358
I mean, of course, "Homair."
248
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,026
You mean Homer?
249
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,195
That's what I said-- "Homair."
250
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,589
He needs you to win now,
more than "evair."
251
00:11:39,591 --> 00:11:42,592
And don't worry.
We will not have an affair.
252
00:11:42,594 --> 00:11:44,185
Because fair is fair.
253
00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:45,853
And I love your hair.
254
00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:47,430
And now I'm off
in my Corvair.
255
00:11:47,432 --> 00:11:51,358
Oh, I don't have a Corvair.
Horrible car.
256
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,212
It was the only one I could
think of to rhyme. Stupid.
257
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,030
Oh, you're still here.
258
00:11:56,032 --> 00:11:58,291
Great teacher.
Don't wait up.
259
00:11:58,293 --> 00:12:00,443
Imagine you are waltzing
with the ball.
260
00:12:00,445 --> 00:12:04,297
Un, deux, trois.
Un, deux, trois.
261
00:12:04,299 --> 00:12:07,425
What kind of bowling instructor
wears a turtleneck?
262
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,619
I don't say
"mark my words" often,
263
00:12:09,621 --> 00:12:12,121
but mark my words.
264
00:12:12,123 --> 00:12:14,123
He's up to no good.
265
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:16,217
Mark my words.
266
00:12:16,219 --> 00:12:19,462
What? You're crazy.
I'm getting six beers.
267
00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:21,722
So, should I start
my slide earlier?
268
00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:24,467
A better question is what
are you still doing with him?
269
00:12:24,469 --> 00:12:27,746
Clearly, he must have
changed his ways, huh?
270
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:30,656
Improved?
Lost a pound or 20?
271
00:12:30,658 --> 00:12:34,586
Yes, he has, in too many ways
to mention, so I won't.
272
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,996
So, then he's not still
buying you bowling balls
273
00:12:36,998 --> 00:12:39,073
for presents, is he?
274
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:41,408
He apologized for that.
275
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,595
Do you ever think of the night
you almost came to me?
276
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:47,581
I had showered four times,
I shaved my face twice,
277
00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:49,250
I shaved my back once.
278
00:12:49,252 --> 00:12:50,994
I was ready for you, Marge.
279
00:12:50,996 --> 00:12:53,772
Later on in the evening
when the doorbell rang,
280
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,441
I closed my eyes, I opened
the door, and I kissed.
281
00:12:56,443 --> 00:13:00,003
Unfortunately, I forgot
I had ordered DoorDash.
282
00:13:00,005 --> 00:13:04,173
It was some 20-year-old kid
holding a roast beef sandwich.
283
00:13:04,175 --> 00:13:07,010
Apparently, he came out
the next day.
284
00:13:07,012 --> 00:13:08,745
You said just bowling.
285
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,182
I am the only one who can
help you with this match.
286
00:13:13,184 --> 00:13:14,517
And if there's anything
a Frenchman wants
287
00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:17,629
more than a beautiful woman,
it is to beat Americans
288
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:18,779
at the game they love.
289
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:23,026
And then, of course, a 12-course
meal, with a fine wine
290
00:13:23,028 --> 00:13:24,694
and maybe a snail,
291
00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:27,955
and somebody else at the table
to pick up the check.
292
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:31,309
-Are we gonna talk
or are we gonna bowl?
-Fine.
293
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,460
♪ Come bowl with me,
let's bowl the night away ♪
294
00:13:34,463 --> 00:13:38,299
♪ And if you like,
we'll make a strike ♪
295
00:13:38,301 --> 00:13:41,361
♪ In a platonic way. ♪
296
00:13:42,213 --> 00:13:44,305
Are you worried yet?
297
00:13:44,307 --> 00:13:46,732
Oh, I'd be worried
if I didn't know for a fact
298
00:13:46,734 --> 00:13:50,161
that no man has ever lost a
woman to a professional bowler.
299
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,329
-Ever.
-(women giggling)
300
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:53,414
Uh-oh.
301
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,488
Now, your power comes
from your shoulders,
302
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:03,232
which I notice, in your case,
are always bare.
303
00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:05,492
Eh, let me massage them.
304
00:14:05,494 --> 00:14:06,845
Don't worry.
It's strictly professional.
305
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,996
There we go. Here we go.
306
00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:11,332
-Mmm.
-Let me just...
307
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:13,242
-Aw.
-Yes. Ow. Okay.
308
00:14:13,244 --> 00:14:15,928
-Cut it out!
-Stop it now?
309
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,188
No more? Okay.
310
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,691
Son, how do I put this?
311
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,268
(sing-songy): I was right!
I was right! I was right!
312
00:14:22,270 --> 00:14:27,273
Now, son, if I need the 411
on someone one-one,
313
00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:31,202
I consult my network: old people
with nothing better to do.
314
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,614
You can learn anything you want
from discarded human beings.
315
00:14:34,616 --> 00:14:37,767
Jasper, it's Abe.
I need any information you got
316
00:14:37,769 --> 00:14:42,029
on a slick-shoed Casanova.
First name, Jacques.
317
00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:43,697
On it.
318
00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:47,034
We need the rundown
on this Marquis de Spare.
319
00:14:47,036 --> 00:14:48,887
We'll lay him lower
than my earlobes.
320
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:52,223
Hang him as high as my pants.
321
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,968
There will never be
another Tony Orlando.
322
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,820
Take a gander
at his Facebook page.
323
00:14:57,822 --> 00:15:01,307
♪
324
00:15:01,309 --> 00:15:03,292
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
What the...
325
00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:06,220
I don't know what
shocks me more-- these photos
326
00:15:06,222 --> 00:15:07,572
or that you know how
to use Facebook.
327
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,241
(laughs)
328
00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:14,137
Let me in. Let me in!
329
00:15:14,139 --> 00:15:16,230
JACQUES:
No. I'm naked,
and if you see me,
330
00:15:16,232 --> 00:15:18,750
you will feel inferior forever.
331
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:22,378
Americans don't know how to feel
inferior, even if we should.
332
00:15:22,814 --> 00:15:24,672
(gasps)
333
00:15:27,243 --> 00:15:29,318
I've been such a fool.
334
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,837
I was so worried
about the bowling alley
335
00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:33,156
I lost sight
of what will always be
336
00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:36,434
the most important thing
in my life:
337
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,010
my Marge.
338
00:15:38,012 --> 00:15:40,496
I'll never take her
for granted again.
339
00:15:40,498 --> 00:15:44,167
That is correct. Because
you have already lost her.
340
00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:46,852
Oh, yeah?
As we say in my country,
341
00:15:46,854 --> 00:15:48,337
en garde!
342
00:15:48,339 --> 00:15:50,173
("Duel of the Fates"
by John Williams playing)
343
00:15:50,175 --> 00:15:51,932
-Just let me...
-That was autographed.
344
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:53,693
smash your head.
345
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:56,245
(Homer grunts)
346
00:16:16,534 --> 00:16:19,143
Now tell me the one thing
I have to know.
347
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,053
How far did you get with Marge?
348
00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:23,464
We had brunch, no hot food.
349
00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:26,800
Brunch? That's breakfast
getting it on with lunch.
350
00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:29,045
Homer, wait!
351
00:16:29,047 --> 00:16:29,988
Nothing happened with him.
352
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,639
You probably
don't even remember.
353
00:16:32,641 --> 00:16:35,809
You had disappointed me
and I was upset.
354
00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:37,720
Oh. Right.
355
00:16:37,722 --> 00:16:39,071
I remember that exactly.
356
00:16:39,073 --> 00:16:40,999
("Hard to Say I'm Sorry"
by Chicago playing)
357
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,484
♪ Hold me now ♪
358
00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:46,212
♪ It's hard for me
to say I'm sorry ♪
359
00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:51,843
♪ I just want you to stay ♪
360
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,754
♪ After all we've been through ♪
361
00:16:54,756 --> 00:16:56,014
♪ I will make it up to you. ♪
362
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,424
Geez, Marge, if you're
still here after all that,
363
00:16:58,426 --> 00:17:00,593
plus some stuff
you don't know about,
364
00:17:00,595 --> 00:17:02,186
you must really love me.
365
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:06,432
I do.
With all my heart. Mm.
366
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,086
Nothing worse than
a committed relationship.
367
00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:11,921
I'm going to vomit.
368
00:17:11,923 --> 00:17:12,755
You said it was
strictly bowling.
369
00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:16,183
You swore on cheese.
370
00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:19,037
I never cared for cheese.
What is it, even?
371
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:22,022
Is it an appetizer or dessert?
Nobody knows.
372
00:17:22,024 --> 00:17:23,599
Some come, they look okay.
373
00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:25,192
Other come,
they got holes in it.
374
00:17:25,194 --> 00:17:26,285
Those are
the more expensive ones.
375
00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:28,621
Why would you pay
more money for holes?
376
00:17:28,623 --> 00:17:29,955
We're leaving.
377
00:17:29,957 --> 00:17:32,199
Go ahead. Enjoy your endless
bourgeois celebrations
378
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:35,202
and your birthdays
and your anniversaries
379
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:39,465
until you crumble
into enviable bliss.
380
00:17:39,467 --> 00:17:40,800
We will.
381
00:17:40,802 --> 00:17:41,500
Help me clean up.
382
00:17:41,502 --> 00:17:44,562
♪
383
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,233
Oh, so, Marge,
word is your coach quit
384
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,070
and you can't get that
bowling arm out of its own head.
385
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,054
Wow. (clucks tongue)
386
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:56,056
Poor Marge. Aw.
387
00:17:56,058 --> 00:17:58,467
My thoughts about bowling
were conflicting
388
00:17:58,469 --> 00:18:02,121
with something personal,
but not anymore.
389
00:18:03,399 --> 00:18:04,490
Huh. Nice practice strike.
390
00:18:04,826 --> 00:18:07,660
Now let me introduce you
to the bowler you'll be facing.
391
00:18:07,662 --> 00:18:09,420
(bowling pins clattering)
392
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,089
(gasps)
Jacques?
393
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,999
Indeed. I was the master
and you the pupil.
394
00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:16,001
Now, I'm still very good.
395
00:18:16,003 --> 00:18:18,170
You are also good,
but inconsistent.
396
00:18:18,172 --> 00:18:19,989
Like French tennis players--
397
00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:22,842
great on clay,
shambles on grass.
398
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:24,936
Hard court, an embarrassment.
399
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,087
Always hurting themselves.
400
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:29,590
"Oh, my knee, my ankle,
401
00:18:29,592 --> 00:18:30,924
I've got to forfeit."
402
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:32,184
Now let us bowl.
403
00:18:32,186 --> 00:18:34,362
("Ride of the Valkyries"
by Richard Wagner playing)
404
00:18:59,881 --> 00:19:01,264
Yes!
405
00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:09,705
-Cutman.
-(gravelly voice):
Are ya sure, Ma?
406
00:19:09,707 --> 00:19:10,964
-Are ya sure?
-Do it.
407
00:19:10,966 --> 00:19:13,058
I've seen a lot of bowlers
in my eight years,
408
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:17,029
but no one's got bigger pearls
than you. (growls)
409
00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:23,644
That's it, Marge--
le moment de vérité.
410
00:19:23,646 --> 00:19:26,497
And if that weren't enough,
I am dying.
411
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,833
-Oh!
-No!
412
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,226
Ah, as we all are.
413
00:19:30,228 --> 00:19:32,745
In the existential sense.
Not now.
414
00:19:32,747 --> 00:19:34,246
Just roll.
415
00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:36,132
D'oh.
416
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,993
-(all gasping)
-My God.
417
00:19:39,995 --> 00:19:42,071
She's left herself
a Greek Church split.
418
00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:43,589
Which, though little known,
419
00:19:43,591 --> 00:19:46,058
is actually the hardest spare
to pick up.
420
00:19:48,262 --> 00:19:51,914
Oh, my God. I can read
what's behind those pins.
421
00:19:51,916 --> 00:19:54,609
She still has feelings for him.
422
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,487
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
423
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:06,186
LENNY:
Ooh, she's been staring
at that ceiling for 40 minutes.
424
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:09,582
Eh. Still the most exciting
bowling match I've ever seen.
425
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,087
(cheering, applause)
426
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:20,384
I have lost everything.
427
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,127
And we just found out
you're here
428
00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:24,129
on an expired bowling visa.
429
00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:27,116
You're going back
where you came from: Paris.
430
00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:29,134
No, no, no. Paris?
There's nothing there
431
00:20:29,136 --> 00:20:31,470
but sex and food
and all of August off.
432
00:20:31,472 --> 00:20:33,046
No, no, no.
433
00:20:33,048 --> 00:20:36,809
Ah, that's enough dirty talk
out of you, pal.
434
00:20:36,811 --> 00:20:38,961
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
435
00:20:38,963 --> 00:20:40,887
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
436
00:20:40,889 --> 00:20:43,074
and TOYOTA.
437
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,034
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
438
00:20:48,063 --> 00:20:50,063
Well, looks like
you're gonna have
439
00:20:50,065 --> 00:20:52,399
to keep this a bowling alley.
440
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:55,253
A very popular alley,
which I now own.
441
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,589
I'm gonna make it one lane only
with a three-month waiting list.
442
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,092
Hipsters rule.
443
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:04,595
Oh, Marge, you saved my alley,
you saved my ego.
444
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,264
You do love me after all.
445
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,933
Was there ever any doubt?
446
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,083
ALL: Yes!
447
00:21:10,085 --> 00:21:11,727
-Mm.
-Mm.
448
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,704
Shh!