1 00:00:04,242 --> 00:00:05,646 Ho, ho, ho! 2 00:00:05,733 --> 00:00:07,240 *THE SIMPSONS* 3 00:00:07,328 --> 00:00:09,328 *THE SIMPSONS* Season 31 Episode 10 4 00:00:09,415 --> 00:00:11,415 Episode Title : "Bobby, It's Cold Outside" 5 00:00:14,772 --> 00:00:16,319 D'oh! Ho, ho! 6 00:00:19,022 --> 00:00:20,796 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 7 00:00:20,883 --> 00:00:22,757 Sync corrections by srjanapala 8 00:00:25,335 --> 00:00:27,434 And now to order my Christmas gifts 9 00:00:27,522 --> 00:00:29,155 with plenty of time. 10 00:00:53,309 --> 00:00:56,302 Hmm. UPS tracking says my packages just arrived. 11 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,749 All I have to do is look down. 12 00:00:59,076 --> 00:01:00,311 D'ah! 13 00:01:00,745 --> 00:01:02,600 Who could've done this? Who? 14 00:01:02,807 --> 00:01:04,921 ♪ Ding-dong, merrily on high ♪ 15 00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:07,874 ♪ In heaven the bells are ringing ♪ 16 00:01:08,010 --> 00:01:10,210 ♪ Ding-dong, Bart is gonna die ♪ 17 00:01:10,298 --> 00:01:13,405 ♪ His little neck I'm stringing. ♪ 18 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,671 Hmm. Needs tinsel 19 00:01:16,759 --> 00:01:20,014 to reflect the horror in Bart's eyes. 20 00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:26,296 Oh, a visitor. Coming. 21 00:01:26,897 --> 00:01:31,030 Ahoy! Are there any lonely lighthouse keepers abaft here? 22 00:01:31,118 --> 00:01:33,382 Oh, hello, Cassandra. 23 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,143 Surprise! I made you muffins. 24 00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,569 You want to know a secret? 25 00:01:38,669 --> 00:01:40,710 I used two sticks of butter. 26 00:01:40,798 --> 00:01:43,241 Do you have any deep dark secrets? 27 00:01:56,303 --> 00:01:58,014 Merry Christmas, Father! 28 00:01:58,296 --> 00:01:59,678 Stay out of trouble. 29 00:02:05,223 --> 00:02:06,655 Nope. No secrets. 30 00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:08,889 So, have you ever thought about children? 31 00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:12,546 Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me! 32 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,351 Oh, if you'll excuse me, 33 00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,874 my gimbals need a good whale oiling. 34 00:02:20,962 --> 00:02:22,113 - Ta! - Oh, 35 00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:23,655 you might get some other visitors. 36 00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:25,638 I mentioned you in town today. 37 00:02:25,805 --> 00:02:27,755 You told people about me? 38 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,350 What did you tell them?! What?! 39 00:02:29,444 --> 00:02:31,864 That you had kind eyes, a beautiful voice, 40 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,567 and no wedding ring. 41 00:02:34,848 --> 00:02:36,004 There he is! 42 00:02:36,851 --> 00:02:39,315 I was a fool to let my guard down with a woman 43 00:02:39,403 --> 00:02:42,021 who runs a seaward-aiming Fresnel lens! 44 00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:45,685 From hell's heart I stab at thee! 45 00:02:45,773 --> 00:02:48,810 Oh, my God. Just listen to that mellifluous baritone. 46 00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:50,310 He's perfect for the role. 47 00:02:50,398 --> 00:02:52,238 Role? Role? 48 00:02:52,326 --> 00:02:54,318 You're offering me an acting job? 49 00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:57,990 Yes! It's to play Santa Claus at a small amusement park. 50 00:02:59,052 --> 00:03:02,778 Oh, what the hell. It is the lead. I'm in! 51 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,125 Dinner is served. 52 00:03:16,911 --> 00:03:18,950 Hey, let's see what's on your tag. 53 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,005 "Cadaver-sniffing dog"?! 54 00:03:21,093 --> 00:03:23,958 Ah, that's another job I didn't get. 55 00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:34,542 It's gone. My porch repair kit is gone! 56 00:03:45,854 --> 00:03:47,112 D'oh! 57 00:03:51,549 --> 00:03:53,112 A little help! 58 00:03:54,784 --> 00:03:57,167 Another crafts project gone out of hand? 59 00:03:57,323 --> 00:04:00,087 - Yes. - If you're not tied up tomorrow, 60 00:04:00,175 --> 00:04:01,714 I took the day off from work. 61 00:04:01,802 --> 00:04:05,362 I was thinking we could watch an R-rated movie. 62 00:04:05,468 --> 00:04:09,644 Finally, the sexy story of Tony Roma's ribs. 63 00:04:09,747 --> 00:04:12,779 But tomorrow I promised the kids I'd take them out of school. 64 00:04:12,984 --> 00:04:14,582 It can be our family day. 65 00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:15,710 Yawn. 66 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,280 We'll go to Santa's Village. 67 00:04:17,368 --> 00:04:20,495 Oh, I hate that place. It's so crowded at Christmas. 68 00:04:20,601 --> 00:04:22,800 And the giant candy canes are not real. 69 00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:24,487 But they are electrified! 70 00:04:24,575 --> 00:04:27,018 Well, we're going and taking the kids. 71 00:04:28,448 --> 00:04:30,464 Why couldn't that be me? 72 00:04:32,494 --> 00:04:35,034 - Homer! - Oh... 73 00:04:39,534 --> 00:04:42,352 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 74 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,455 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo- doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 75 00:04:44,557 --> 00:04:46,658 - ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - Oh, God, I'm so sick of this. 76 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,964 - Thing just keeps going on and on. - ♪ Baby shark, Mommy ♪ 77 00:04:49,051 --> 00:04:50,862 - ♪ Shark Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - I don't want to hear a shark 78 00:04:50,949 --> 00:04:53,298 - or "baby" or "doo" ever again. - ♪ Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 79 00:04:53,386 --> 00:04:54,916 - ♪ Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - Marge, you traitor! 80 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,899 - ♪ Mommy shark, Daddy shark, ♪ - It's so catchy. 81 00:04:57,987 --> 00:04:59,244 - Oh, what the hell. - ♪ doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 82 00:04:59,331 --> 00:05:01,408 ♪ Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 83 00:05:01,496 --> 00:05:03,613 ♪ Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 84 00:05:03,701 --> 00:05:04,720 ♪ Daddy shark. ♪ 85 00:05:04,808 --> 00:05:06,689 Play this at my funeral! 86 00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:16,054 Why do the low-budget parks we go to 87 00:05:16,142 --> 00:05:18,120 have so many white trash idiots? 88 00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:20,854 Oh! Boy, that's good. 89 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,393 Why? Why? 90 00:05:22,481 --> 00:05:24,307 Well, I'm getting right in line for Santa. 91 00:05:32,275 --> 00:05:35,086 Eight hours to see a fat lazy drunk-o? 92 00:05:35,174 --> 00:05:37,448 I came to this park to get away from one. 93 00:05:37,536 --> 00:05:40,002 Wow. Even Chanukah Hollow is packed. 94 00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:44,682 Check out the Dreidel Casino. 95 00:05:46,632 --> 00:05:48,581 Come on, gimmel, gimmel, gimmel! 96 00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:50,453 Ah, shin again! 97 00:05:50,541 --> 00:05:51,557 I thought this would be 98 00:05:51,645 --> 00:05:53,917 the one part of Judaism I'm good at. 99 00:05:57,627 --> 00:05:58,713 Typical. 100 00:05:58,801 --> 00:06:02,384 The one ride is a stupid, boring kiddie ride. 101 00:06:02,557 --> 00:06:04,909 At least you get to have fun. 102 00:06:15,436 --> 00:06:18,940 ♪ It's a scary place in the world outside ♪ 103 00:06:19,028 --> 00:06:22,495 ♪ Gnomes are watching you, so you'd best not cry ♪ 104 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,086 ♪ Don't display any fear, this we know ♪ 105 00:06:25,174 --> 00:06:26,890 ♪ Yes, it's clear, all our eyes ♪ 106 00:06:26,978 --> 00:06:29,237 ♪ Are watching you ♪ 107 00:06:29,526 --> 00:06:33,127 ♪ It's a scary place in the world outside ♪ 108 00:06:33,237 --> 00:06:36,729 ♪ Gnomes are watching you, so you'd best not cry ♪ 109 00:06:36,817 --> 00:06:40,254 ♪ Don't display any fear, this we know, yes, it's clear ♪ 110 00:06:40,342 --> 00:06:43,784 ♪ All our eyes are watching you. ♪ 111 00:06:47,592 --> 00:06:49,748 Hey, buddy, thanks for saving me a spot. 112 00:06:49,836 --> 00:06:52,221 Bart, you cut the bullies. 113 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:56,088 In this situation, we assign equal blame 114 00:06:56,176 --> 00:06:58,211 to the cutter and the cuttee. 115 00:06:58,299 --> 00:06:59,924 Let him go. I don't want to get blood 116 00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:01,276 on my Christmas sweater. 117 00:07:01,364 --> 00:07:03,885 Oh, there's gonna be blood on your sweater, all right. 118 00:07:03,973 --> 00:07:06,406 I just said I didn't want that! 119 00:07:26,106 --> 00:07:27,687 Hello, young man. 120 00:07:27,922 --> 00:07:29,362 Climb right up. 121 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,166 Santa? Bartholomew Simpson. 122 00:07:31,254 --> 00:07:33,169 - You don't know me, but... - Oh, but I do. 123 00:07:33,257 --> 00:07:36,531 Hello-ho-ho, Bart. 124 00:07:36,678 --> 00:07:38,323 Sideshow Bob! 125 00:07:38,411 --> 00:07:39,846 Merry Christmas. 126 00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:48,270 He's in a good mood. 127 00:07:48,487 --> 00:07:50,707 Yes. This is the year I get the monkey. 128 00:07:50,795 --> 00:07:52,159 I keep telling you, 129 00:07:52,247 --> 00:07:55,082 a monkey is a huge responsibility. 130 00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:58,364 I'm raising a kid. I think I can raise a monkey. 131 00:08:09,176 --> 00:08:11,645 So easy. After all these years, 132 00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:15,621 I get to watch the life drain from your eye, your I... 133 00:08:15,785 --> 00:08:18,854 I can't kill you! 134 00:08:18,941 --> 00:08:21,239 - Want to know why? - Mm, nah. 135 00:08:21,406 --> 00:08:23,947 I am a trained method actor. 136 00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:25,634 I inhabit my roles. 137 00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:27,878 Like Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread. 138 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,003 Or Mike Myers in The Love Guru. 139 00:08:30,091 --> 00:08:31,895 Why should I trust you? 140 00:08:31,983 --> 00:08:35,020 Because I am utterly incapable of stepping out of character. 141 00:08:35,108 --> 00:08:37,356 I am Santa Claus. 142 00:08:37,444 --> 00:08:39,293 The jolly old elf himself. 143 00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:41,317 Ho, ho, ho. 144 00:08:41,405 --> 00:08:43,504 So can we get in to see you? 145 00:08:43,654 --> 00:08:46,987 15-minute break. Santa's making presents. 146 00:08:47,522 --> 00:08:48,754 Ooh... 147 00:08:53,216 --> 00:08:55,416 I'm telling you, this is Sideshow Bob! 148 00:08:55,504 --> 00:08:58,059 - He tried to kill me! - Well? 149 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,824 I am a card-carrying seasonal Santa. 150 00:09:00,912 --> 00:09:03,828 Kris Kringle Union, Local 5732. 151 00:09:03,916 --> 00:09:05,817 Hey, I was a mall Santa, too. 152 00:09:05,928 --> 00:09:07,832 I still wear the belt. 153 00:09:08,056 --> 00:09:10,489 Uh, if you're gonna spend this much time with our Santa, 154 00:09:10,577 --> 00:09:11,974 you have to pose for a photo. 155 00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:13,754 Photos with Santa, $40. 156 00:09:13,842 --> 00:09:15,645 Marge, just take one with your phone! 157 00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:17,246 - Got it. - Run! 158 00:09:18,485 --> 00:09:20,712 This will stop the jerks who've been stealing packages 159 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,609 off my porch: a decoy with an exploding dye marker inside. 160 00:09:24,743 --> 00:09:27,237 You don't think you packed in a little too much gunpowder? 161 00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:30,276 Relax. I learned how to do this from my Uncle Two Fingers. 162 00:09:32,057 --> 00:09:34,450 Oh, my God. You're the package thief? 163 00:09:38,469 --> 00:09:40,717 Lenny. Who did this to you? Can you say it? 164 00:09:40,805 --> 00:09:42,627 - Eh. - Can you whisper it? 165 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,041 - Eh. - Can you write it with your blood? 166 00:09:45,129 --> 00:09:46,387 Ooh. 167 00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,988 I'm a little worried our Christmas packages 168 00:09:55,076 --> 00:09:56,416 haven't arrived. 169 00:09:56,573 --> 00:09:59,247 Marge, relax. There's plenty of time. 170 00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:02,002 It's 8:00 p.m. Christmas Eve! 171 00:10:02,090 --> 00:10:06,557 Just sit back and watch this Fox News yule log. 172 00:10:12,899 --> 00:10:15,299 We interrupt this yule log with a special report. 173 00:10:15,387 --> 00:10:17,662 Package delivery thefts continue in Springfield. 174 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,963 Local man Leonard "Lenny" Leonard 175 00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:23,752 had his jingle bell rung in a package deal gone boom. 176 00:10:23,872 --> 00:10:27,018 Our only clue is these initials next to the corpse. 177 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,203 He's not a corpse. He's breathing. 178 00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:33,102 - I say he's a corpse. - And I say I'm not. 179 00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:35,128 Uh... you don't get a vote. 180 00:10:35,613 --> 00:10:37,480 "S.B." is Sideshow Bob! 181 00:10:37,588 --> 00:10:39,117 That's what he's up to. 182 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,019 He's stealing Christmas! 183 00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:44,096 A fellow Santa could not steal Christmas. 184 00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:47,713 I know who this mysterious "S.B." is. 185 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:52,620 Welcome to jail, Selma Bouvier. 186 00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:54,735 Uh, tell Scott Bakula, Steve Ballmer 187 00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:56,652 and Sandra Bullock they're off the hook. 188 00:10:56,745 --> 00:10:59,222 I should've been back at NCIS: New Orleans 189 00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:01,042 two hours ago. 190 00:11:01,130 --> 00:11:03,212 Why don't you just Quantum Leap there? 191 00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,675 Why don't you learn how to be a cop, fatso? 192 00:11:05,784 --> 00:11:08,033 I loved it! Mistaken identity! 193 00:11:08,121 --> 00:11:12,566 I sold ten, ten season tickets to the guys in my cell. 194 00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:17,066 Everything we do is successful, booyah! 195 00:11:31,637 --> 00:11:32,747 Santa's Village, please. 196 00:11:32,835 --> 00:11:34,151 What do you want to go there for? 197 00:11:34,239 --> 00:11:36,110 I'm saving Christmas. 198 00:11:36,198 --> 00:11:38,894 Every kid thinks they're doing that this time of year. 199 00:11:38,982 --> 00:11:41,610 And as for you, Santa's Village is closed, I'm afraid. 200 00:11:41,698 --> 00:11:44,204 If I wanted your life story, I would've taken an Uber. 201 00:11:44,292 --> 00:11:45,753 Well, that shuts me up. 202 00:11:46,019 --> 00:11:47,072 I'm not gonna leave 203 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,759 till I find out what Bob's up to. 204 00:11:48,847 --> 00:11:51,095 If you don't hear from me in one hour, call the police. 205 00:11:51,183 --> 00:11:53,259 I have my own problems, Bart. 206 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,978 My mom just locked my dad out in the snow. 207 00:11:56,065 --> 00:11:58,097 He keeps tapping at my window. 208 00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,683 She said if I open it, no presents. 209 00:12:00,984 --> 00:12:02,823 - Useless. - Don't hang up. 210 00:12:09,848 --> 00:12:11,832 Classic evil villain mistake. 211 00:12:13,509 --> 00:12:14,848 Life goals?! 212 00:12:14,936 --> 00:12:16,518 Don't pooh-pooh. 213 00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,948 Now for God's sake, how can I convince you 214 00:12:19,036 --> 00:12:20,948 that I am not going to kill you?! 215 00:12:21,097 --> 00:12:24,550 Find the person who stole the presents. 216 00:12:24,638 --> 00:12:27,036 Very well. I shall begin by clearing my initials, 217 00:12:27,124 --> 00:12:31,058 catching the true "S.B." and, if I must, 218 00:12:31,146 --> 00:12:33,222 save Christmas for everyone. 219 00:12:34,079 --> 00:12:36,009 Now let me drive you home. 220 00:12:36,097 --> 00:12:39,017 You want me to ride with you? Fine. 221 00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:40,431 Shotgun! 222 00:12:42,524 --> 00:12:43,538 Let's roll. 223 00:12:43,626 --> 00:12:44,931 Shotgun means you pay the tolls. 224 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,618 So I'm here to save Christmas, and here's my plan. 225 00:12:51,734 --> 00:12:55,009 First, I conceal myself within this box. 226 00:12:59,384 --> 00:13:01,540 Where'd you learn how to do that? 227 00:13:01,627 --> 00:13:04,116 When you ride cross-country in a clown car, you learn a lot. 228 00:13:07,850 --> 00:13:09,858 Who knew? 229 00:13:09,946 --> 00:13:11,274 - Brava! - Who knew? 230 00:13:11,362 --> 00:13:12,435 Thank you. 231 00:13:12,522 --> 00:13:14,647 Now, Homer, gently place me on the porch, 232 00:13:14,735 --> 00:13:17,024 and when they steal me, follow them to their lair. 233 00:13:17,282 --> 00:13:18,657 Will do. 234 00:13:25,969 --> 00:13:27,207 Ah! 235 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:28,971 - And... - Ah! 236 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,551 Godspeed. 237 00:13:31,087 --> 00:13:33,215 They'll be here any minute. 238 00:14:02,004 --> 00:14:04,058 Can't breathe. 239 00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:16,757 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 240 00:14:16,845 --> 00:14:19,335 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 241 00:14:19,422 --> 00:14:21,154 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo- doo-doo-doo-doo. ♪ 242 00:14:30,638 --> 00:14:32,597 Oh, my God, S.B. is 243 00:14:32,693 --> 00:14:34,443 Smithers and Burns! 244 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,305 Since when does Smithers go first? 245 00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:37,691 The jig is up! 246 00:14:37,849 --> 00:14:39,685 Also, leg cramp. 247 00:14:39,773 --> 00:14:41,185 Ow. 248 00:14:42,958 --> 00:14:44,105 The police are on their way. 249 00:14:44,193 --> 00:14:47,175 Who will they believe? You or the billionaire 250 00:14:47,263 --> 00:14:49,997 who just sent them a Montgomery Ward's cheese log? 251 00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:52,919 Mr. Burns, why did you do this? 252 00:14:53,013 --> 00:14:54,870 Ooh, general Scroogeyness. 253 00:14:54,957 --> 00:14:57,956 No, it's deeper. It's much deeper than that. 254 00:14:58,044 --> 00:15:00,964 I think Mr. Burns is depressed. 255 00:15:01,052 --> 00:15:03,786 Ooh, you're a very perceptive girl. 256 00:15:05,876 --> 00:15:07,123 That's close enough. 257 00:15:07,211 --> 00:15:09,066 I just wanted everyone to experience 258 00:15:09,154 --> 00:15:11,990 the same Christmas heartbreak that I once did. 259 00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:16,008 ♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪ 260 00:15:16,095 --> 00:15:18,667 ♪ On the feast of Stephen. ♪ 261 00:15:18,755 --> 00:15:22,159 Papa, sweet Papa, may I sit on Santa's lap? 262 00:15:22,247 --> 00:15:23,615 Well, I don't know. 263 00:15:23,747 --> 00:15:26,643 Santa Claus, giving away free toys, 264 00:15:26,730 --> 00:15:30,106 undercutting my friends, Bill Mattel and Fred Hasbro. 265 00:15:30,194 --> 00:15:31,995 Please? 266 00:15:37,419 --> 00:15:40,292 Well, what's on your wish list, little boy? 267 00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:43,183 A Rockford sock monkey, Studebaker pedal car, 268 00:15:43,271 --> 00:15:45,829 or the most popular gift this year, an orange. 269 00:15:46,185 --> 00:15:48,497 All I want is a hug from my mommy 270 00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:50,372 and a smile from my daddy. 271 00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:53,480 Oh, well I'm sure there's a hug and a smile 272 00:15:53,568 --> 00:15:56,882 on their way to you right now. Ho, ho, ho. 273 00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:58,294 Next. 274 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,385 What do you want for Christmas? 275 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:03,200 I want you to marry my mom like you said you would. 276 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:04,464 Next! 277 00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,068 Christmas day came... 278 00:16:22,497 --> 00:16:25,081 I'm here to take you to boarding school. 279 00:16:25,169 --> 00:16:28,075 - On Christmas Day? - Hey, no traffic. 280 00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:34,841 The next time I saw my parents, they weren't in a smiling mood. 281 00:16:38,137 --> 00:16:39,176 Too late! 282 00:16:40,872 --> 00:16:43,638 You two never gave me anything except $100 million. 283 00:16:43,726 --> 00:16:44,979 Santa lied. 284 00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:47,370 But, Monty, you misunderstood me. 285 00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:48,808 Ho, ho, ho. 286 00:16:48,896 --> 00:16:51,019 Santa? It can't be. 287 00:16:51,107 --> 00:16:53,675 Monty, it's 1935, 288 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:56,152 and this is Gimbels Department Store, 289 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,263 with the toy train in the window 290 00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:00,421 and Maxie the elevator man. 291 00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:03,066 You're looking at the lingerie department. 292 00:17:03,154 --> 00:17:05,409 You can look. It's okay. 293 00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:09,913 Yes. Yes. Yes! I am a child again. 294 00:17:10,001 --> 00:17:11,915 And the truth is, your parents did love you, 295 00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,736 not with hugs and kisses, but with something better... 296 00:17:14,853 --> 00:17:16,242 They made you strong. 297 00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:18,611 Where are all the other tycoons from your day? 298 00:17:18,728 --> 00:17:22,546 Broke, dead, a lot of #MeToo. 299 00:17:22,634 --> 00:17:26,374 But you're the richest, most ruthless man in town, 300 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,806 thanks to your parents' love. 301 00:17:32,507 --> 00:17:34,038 It's true. 302 00:17:34,181 --> 00:17:35,499 Smithers, it's Christmas, 303 00:17:35,594 --> 00:17:37,783 which is a work day for you, so help me out. 304 00:17:37,892 --> 00:17:40,986 - And it's my birthday. - Don't expect two presents. 305 00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:44,923 - ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ The snow's coming down ♪ 306 00:17:45,011 --> 00:17:48,681 - ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ I'm watching it fall ♪ 307 00:17:48,769 --> 00:17:49,828 ♪ Christmas... ♪ 308 00:17:49,915 --> 00:17:51,783 My raisins came! 309 00:17:52,587 --> 00:17:53,853 Mmm! 310 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,455 Well, at least he's eating. 311 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,146 ♪ Christmas... ♪ 312 00:17:58,572 --> 00:18:01,223 Huzzah for Mr. Burns! 313 00:18:01,408 --> 00:18:03,484 God bless us, every one. 314 00:18:03,658 --> 00:18:05,759 Seriously, this is, this is really nice. 315 00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:10,468 We did it. 316 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,671 Got all the presents under the tree. 317 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:16,501 I'm lucky because no one could possibly steal my gift. 318 00:18:16,665 --> 00:18:19,000 All I want is one peaceful moment 319 00:18:19,173 --> 00:18:21,485 to hold my wife in my arms. 320 00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,415 Aw. 321 00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:25,103 It's Christmas! 322 00:18:26,025 --> 00:18:28,158 Awake already? 323 00:18:29,095 --> 00:18:32,017 - Slide whistle. - Kazoo! 324 00:18:36,128 --> 00:18:38,429 Meet me in the basement. 325 00:18:38,562 --> 00:18:39,780 Okay. 326 00:18:39,892 --> 00:18:41,234 Picture time. 327 00:18:50,585 --> 00:18:52,442 Janey, haven't you learned that silly tune yet? 328 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,023 You play it over and over again. Now stop it, stop it! 329 00:18:55,132 --> 00:18:57,093 That girl is pretty bad at the piano. 330 00:18:58,975 --> 00:19:01,024 Ugh. Hello, Cassandra. 331 00:19:01,111 --> 00:19:03,147 I brought you a Christmas present. 332 00:19:06,202 --> 00:19:09,170 I know who you are, and I know what you've done, 333 00:19:09,264 --> 00:19:11,264 and I want you to kiss me. 334 00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:15,046 - ♪ You really should go ♪ - ♪ It's 20 below ♪ 335 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:18,709 - ♪ I can't have you here ♪ - ♪ Just get me a beer ♪ 336 00:19:18,905 --> 00:19:22,231 - ♪ I'm being a gent ♪ - ♪ I'm giving consent ♪ 337 00:19:22,319 --> 00:19:25,066 ♪ You are quite inviting ♪ 338 00:19:25,153 --> 00:19:27,936 ♪ I will put it in writing ♪ 339 00:19:29,497 --> 00:19:33,551 - ♪ Baby, it's cold outside. ♪ - ♪ Baby, it's cold outside. ♪ 340 00:19:38,165 --> 00:19:41,939 Yarr. Will someone turn on the damn light?! 341 00:19:42,483 --> 00:19:44,901 A little late, don't you think? 342 00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,595 Yarr! 343 00:19:49,033 --> 00:19:51,814 Steve. Psst. Steve. Wait. 344 00:19:51,995 --> 00:19:55,976 Sorry, I'm just about ready to leave your wonderful town. 345 00:19:56,142 --> 00:19:59,525 Great place. Fantastic! 346 00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:03,156 The best Springfield I've ever been in. Whoo! 347 00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,531 Whoo-hoo! 348 00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:06,478 Can you teach me to do that? 349 00:20:06,595 --> 00:20:08,960 Do what? This is just me. 350 00:20:09,048 --> 00:20:12,721 Fantastic coffee! Send a truckful to Seattle. 351 00:20:12,808 --> 00:20:15,181 How can you possibly be so happy? 352 00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:18,478 - It's in you, too. - I really don't think so. 353 00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:20,429 Monty, look me in the eye. 354 00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:22,423 I don't know if I can. 355 00:20:26,111 --> 00:20:27,790 You're amazingly alive, 356 00:20:27,892 --> 00:20:30,464 you're rich beyond any sense of justice, 357 00:20:30,611 --> 00:20:34,710 you're C. Montgomery Burns. 358 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,554 - Whoo! - Whoo. 359 00:20:36,649 --> 00:20:37,727 Ow! 360 00:20:39,775 --> 00:20:42,009 Hurt yourself on the landing, huh? 361 00:20:42,097 --> 00:20:43,815 No, on the way up. 362 00:20:43,902 --> 00:20:46,136 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 363 00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:48,534 Sync corrections by srjanapala 364 00:21:30,076 --> 00:21:31,208 Shh!