1 00:00:02,672 --> 00:00:04,695 *THE SIMPSONS* 2 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,575 *THE SIMPSONS* I got a few days left! 3 00:00:46,766 --> 00:00:47,799 D'oh! 4 00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:01,979 Haw-haw! 5 00:01:03,885 --> 00:01:06,113 *THE SIMPSONS* Season 31 Episode 11 6 00:01:06,201 --> 00:01:08,754 Episode Title : "Hail to the Teeth" 7 00:01:08,841 --> 00:01:10,525 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 8 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,612 Sync corrections by srjanapala 9 00:01:16,838 --> 00:01:18,148 Hey, little lady. 10 00:01:18,236 --> 00:01:20,627 You'd be a lot prettier if you smiled. 11 00:01:20,775 --> 00:01:22,431 What? Who are you? 12 00:01:22,525 --> 00:01:23,742 I'm a man. 13 00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:25,476 So I know what I'm talking about. 14 00:01:25,564 --> 00:01:27,875 Smile and you'll be a lot more popular. 15 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,062 Are you serious? 16 00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:31,304 You know I'll remember this forever, right? 17 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,713 Well, that's what therapy's for. 18 00:01:33,947 --> 00:01:36,067 And he told me I wouldn't be pretty 19 00:01:36,155 --> 00:01:37,478 unless I smiled. 20 00:01:37,626 --> 00:01:39,836 Sweetie, you are very pretty. 21 00:01:39,924 --> 00:01:41,523 And thanks to the puberty app 22 00:01:41,611 --> 00:01:42,760 on my phone, we can see 23 00:01:42,848 --> 00:01:43,926 what lies ahead. 24 00:01:54,129 --> 00:01:55,711 Wait. This can't be real. 25 00:01:55,799 --> 00:01:57,299 I already had braces. 26 00:01:57,387 --> 00:02:00,775 Oh. Well, I-I'm afraid you have to get them again. 27 00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:03,153 The man we thought was your orthodontist 28 00:02:03,241 --> 00:02:06,510 was actually a rogue periodontist. 29 00:02:07,775 --> 00:02:09,361 Rogue periodontist. 30 00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:11,588 This family cheaps out on everything. 31 00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:14,635 Homer took me to a "psychiatrist." 32 00:02:14,723 --> 00:02:16,502 After three sessions, I figured out 33 00:02:16,590 --> 00:02:18,275 it was a goat with glasses. 34 00:02:18,363 --> 00:02:20,361 Never went b-a-a-a-ck. 35 00:02:22,063 --> 00:02:24,080 Braces? Again? 36 00:02:24,179 --> 00:02:26,466 Why am I, the only one in this family 37 00:02:26,554 --> 00:02:28,031 who needs braces? 38 00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,084 Don't look so smug, boy. 39 00:02:35,172 --> 00:02:36,992 Let's try this app on you. 40 00:02:38,004 --> 00:02:40,883 Hello, Aaron Eckhart. Prrrrr! 41 00:02:41,343 --> 00:02:43,383 Whoa-ho! Puberty! 42 00:02:43,471 --> 00:02:44,937 Let's see what comes next. 43 00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:47,022 Cool. 44 00:02:47,171 --> 00:02:49,804 Homie, look. We got this in the mail today. 45 00:02:49,892 --> 00:02:51,109 Aw, what is it? 46 00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,034 Did I get drunk and buy useless stuff 47 00:02:53,122 --> 00:02:54,445 on eBay again? 48 00:02:54,828 --> 00:02:56,219 Let's get more. 49 00:02:58,397 --> 00:02:59,537 Hello, Simpsons. 50 00:02:59,625 --> 00:03:01,703 It's me, Artie Ziff, 51 00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:04,238 in pre-recorded form. 52 00:03:04,326 --> 00:03:06,140 So you can't talk to me. 53 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,234 I can't? 54 00:03:07,322 --> 00:03:08,903 No, you can't. 55 00:03:08,991 --> 00:03:10,961 Pause for laughs. 56 00:03:11,049 --> 00:03:12,297 And thank you. 57 00:03:12,385 --> 00:03:14,250 Artie Ziff? Isn't that the rich guy 58 00:03:14,338 --> 00:03:15,609 who could have been our dad? 59 00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:18,625 I am the only man your mother has ever been with, 60 00:03:18,713 --> 00:03:20,851 and she doesn't have a single regret. 61 00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:22,976 - Well... - You stay out of this, Marge! 62 00:03:23,064 --> 00:03:26,133 Great news: I'm getting married, and you're invited! 63 00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:29,133 - Oh. - Why, you ask, am I getting married? 64 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,070 I've found my soul mate! 65 00:03:32,487 --> 00:03:34,078 Jealous? 66 00:03:35,002 --> 00:03:36,979 April 12th, very rich man's wedding. 67 00:03:37,067 --> 00:03:38,164 Regrets only. 68 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,344 Chicken or fish. 69 00:03:39,432 --> 00:03:40,773 Or vegan. 70 00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:42,140 Bye! 71 00:03:42,249 --> 00:03:43,594 So, what else is in the mail? 72 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,554 We got a flyer from Lowe's! 73 00:03:47,109 --> 00:03:48,969 Three-quarter plywood. 74 00:03:49,057 --> 00:03:50,797 $20 a sheet! 75 00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,351 I'm a-comin'! 76 00:03:52,446 --> 00:03:54,547 Oh, I don't have a car. 77 00:03:55,265 --> 00:03:57,240 You're not really thinking of going, are you? 78 00:03:57,328 --> 00:03:59,334 That jerk kept trying to break us up. 79 00:03:59,422 --> 00:04:02,531 Now, I am sensing conflicted feelings. 80 00:04:02,619 --> 00:04:04,810 If you come, I promise you 81 00:04:04,898 --> 00:04:06,320 a wonderful time. 82 00:04:06,408 --> 00:04:08,164 Champagne, caviar, 83 00:04:08,252 --> 00:04:11,039 deep-fried ice sculptures, a guy who guesses your weight, 84 00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:13,179 who always guesses low! 85 00:04:15,195 --> 00:04:16,218 Thank you. 86 00:04:16,306 --> 00:04:19,679 And now to celebrate, here's Tupac Shakur! 87 00:04:19,767 --> 00:04:21,140 ♪ Don't be tardy ♪ 88 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,523 ♪ My boy Artie is throwing a party ♪ 89 00:04:23,618 --> 00:04:25,526 ♪ This wedding's gonna be fly ♪ 90 00:04:25,696 --> 00:04:28,270 ♪ Why won't you people let me die? ♪ 91 00:04:28,358 --> 00:04:29,807 How do you turn this off? 92 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:32,088 There's no off to the Artie show. 93 00:04:32,176 --> 00:04:34,833 - I decide when... - Please set me free. 94 00:04:34,958 --> 00:04:36,080 Oh, here it is. 95 00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:37,596 God bless you. 96 00:04:43,943 --> 00:04:46,768 Now everyone's favorite: Rinse and spit. 97 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,453 And I'm done... with the top braces. 98 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,237 We'll put the bottoms in next week. 99 00:04:53,325 --> 00:04:55,284 And after that, just a lifetime 100 00:04:55,371 --> 00:04:56,698 of wearing retainers. 101 00:04:56,786 --> 00:04:58,535 Well, they're practically invisible. 102 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,815 I can't close my mouth. 103 00:05:00,903 --> 00:05:03,127 The brackets are holding up your lips at the edges. 104 00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:05,760 They'll adjust. The main thing is you're happy. 105 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,440 I'm not happy. 106 00:05:07,528 --> 00:05:09,088 Have a little nitrous. 107 00:05:10,529 --> 00:05:14,065 Oh, they should revoke your license. Ha! 108 00:05:14,153 --> 00:05:15,164 More, please. 109 00:05:15,252 --> 00:05:17,237 - That's enough. - No, it's not! 110 00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:18,721 Yeah, give me that. 111 00:05:18,809 --> 00:05:21,341 I thought your name is "Kidzrule." 112 00:05:21,429 --> 00:05:23,604 Shortened from "Kidzrulovitch," 113 00:05:23,692 --> 00:05:26,573 which is Romanian for "kill all the children." 114 00:05:35,530 --> 00:05:36,698 Hmm. 115 00:05:36,786 --> 00:05:39,651 That elevator has the capacity for 32 people! 116 00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:42,596 We brought a rhino up here last week. 117 00:05:42,684 --> 00:05:44,284 Hmm. 118 00:05:44,466 --> 00:05:45,897 Hmm. 119 00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:49,412 - Hmm! - My headaches are so bad. 120 00:05:56,159 --> 00:05:57,506 Jealous? 121 00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:01,912 Feet. 122 00:06:02,137 --> 00:06:03,537 You're one in a million. 123 00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:05,639 Literally. Don't fall off the roof. 124 00:06:05,827 --> 00:06:07,333 Homer Simpson! 125 00:06:07,421 --> 00:06:09,967 The man who beat me to planet Marge. 126 00:06:10,055 --> 00:06:11,970 You've done all right for a billionaire. 127 00:06:12,079 --> 00:06:13,975 Hey, I'm not made of money. 128 00:06:14,063 --> 00:06:15,561 Although, actually I am. 129 00:06:15,649 --> 00:06:17,301 After my parole, I got rich 130 00:06:17,389 --> 00:06:20,147 selling fireplace logs that look like cash, 131 00:06:20,235 --> 00:06:22,569 i.e., Money to Burn. 132 00:06:23,318 --> 00:06:24,865 That is the greatest. 133 00:06:24,953 --> 00:06:26,367 It says "Money to Burn." 134 00:06:26,455 --> 00:06:28,483 It looks like you're burning money! 135 00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:29,795 Yes, that's the idea. 136 00:06:30,313 --> 00:06:31,578 No, no, no. 137 00:06:31,666 --> 00:06:33,764 It's so funny. Don't you get it? 138 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,405 Of course get it. I thought of it. 139 00:06:35,493 --> 00:06:38,358 No, no, no. Listen, it says "Money to Burn," 140 00:06:38,446 --> 00:06:40,217 but it's actually... 141 00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:42,961 I know! I know! Talk to someone else. 142 00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:45,553 Hey, pal, you're a news guy. Give it to me straight. 143 00:06:45,641 --> 00:06:47,312 Is this wedding on the level? 144 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,328 Here's the scoop. It's legit! 145 00:06:49,416 --> 00:06:51,300 In other news, local newsman hopes 146 00:06:51,388 --> 00:06:53,302 to score with caterer. 147 00:06:53,833 --> 00:06:55,904 This just in: she knows I'm married. 148 00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:57,920 Coming up at 11:00: nothing. 149 00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:00,558 Now, Homer, as this is a bachelor party, 150 00:07:00,646 --> 00:07:01,881 I want to show you something. 151 00:07:01,969 --> 00:07:04,545 But, uh, no word to the wives. 152 00:07:04,699 --> 00:07:06,506 How did you meet your wife, by the way? 153 00:07:06,632 --> 00:07:09,724 Usual: boy meets girl, girl meets bank account. 154 00:07:09,812 --> 00:07:11,474 Now, shut your eyes. 155 00:07:11,562 --> 00:07:14,353 You've never seen a body this enticing. 156 00:07:14,465 --> 00:07:17,146 Oh! Exactly what I imagined! 157 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,083 Food coma. He'll be fine. 158 00:07:21,645 --> 00:07:22,968 Huh? 159 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,966 Hmm. 160 00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:30,911 Hey, girlfriend! 161 00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:32,771 Uh, who, me? 162 00:07:32,859 --> 00:07:35,659 Lisa, did you get your eyebrows waxed? 163 00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:37,403 You look amazing! 164 00:07:37,572 --> 00:07:39,091 I don't have eyebrows. 165 00:07:39,179 --> 00:07:41,685 Well, check out these twin caterpillars. 166 00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:43,161 Huh? Huh? 167 00:07:43,249 --> 00:07:44,771 What's going on? 168 00:07:44,929 --> 00:07:47,161 Her smile makes me feel full, 169 00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:49,575 like I actually ate dinner last night. 170 00:07:49,663 --> 00:07:52,169 If you never eat, how come you're so fat? 171 00:07:52,257 --> 00:07:53,333 -Ooh! - Ow! 172 00:07:53,452 --> 00:07:55,669 Americans can be fat and poor. 173 00:07:55,757 --> 00:07:57,685 That's what makes us so great. 174 00:07:57,867 --> 00:08:00,927 And so, after saving Wilbur, 175 00:08:01,015 --> 00:08:03,263 Charlotte crawled off to die, 176 00:08:03,353 --> 00:08:07,731 as all barn spiders do in the fall. 177 00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:11,466 Bravo, Lisa. 178 00:08:11,554 --> 00:08:14,333 What a positive note on which to end the class. 179 00:08:14,872 --> 00:08:16,997 Positive? Positive? 180 00:08:17,085 --> 00:08:20,841 Charlotte died alone at the saddest place on Earth, 181 00:08:20,929 --> 00:08:22,997 an empty fairground. 182 00:08:23,118 --> 00:08:26,192 Well, your smiling face made dying alone fun. 183 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,833 And believe me, that's where I'm headed. 184 00:08:28,921 --> 00:08:30,669 So as long as I'm smiling, 185 00:08:30,757 --> 00:08:33,005 it doesn't matter what comes out of my mouth? 186 00:08:33,093 --> 00:08:34,458 Or your nose. 187 00:08:38,219 --> 00:08:40,200 I don't need these anymore. 188 00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:44,310 This'll go good in Willie's stew. 189 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,810 Can it really be that people are this shallow? 190 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:52,466 Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 191 00:08:52,554 --> 00:08:55,427 And am I shallow enough to enjoy this? 192 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,396 Ah! I am! 193 00:08:58,784 --> 00:09:01,622 I'm so happy, I could sing! 194 00:09:02,984 --> 00:09:05,442 ♪ Hello, world! ♪ 195 00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:06,981 Ow, ow, ow. 196 00:09:07,069 --> 00:09:09,099 That really hurts with the braces. 197 00:09:10,108 --> 00:09:12,177 - Take your pick. - What is it? 198 00:09:12,265 --> 00:09:14,790 No idea. The labels are in Spanish. 199 00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:22,974 - Hey, gorgeous. - Hey, Bart. 200 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,989 Lisa? Oh, yuck! I didn't know that was you. 201 00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:28,495 It's the smile. 202 00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:31,014 It's totally changed how people see me. 203 00:09:31,102 --> 00:09:32,676 Well, I just want you to know, 204 00:09:32,778 --> 00:09:34,262 you'll always be gross to me. 205 00:09:34,349 --> 00:09:36,339 Oh, thank God. I was having doubts, 206 00:09:36,426 --> 00:09:38,309 trying to figure out if this is sexist. 207 00:09:38,397 --> 00:09:40,640 And then I found this. 208 00:09:50,332 --> 00:09:52,356 It seems like ever since the pill, 209 00:09:52,444 --> 00:09:54,997 the workplace has been full of single women. 210 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,848 Here's your coffee, Jim. 211 00:09:56,936 --> 00:09:59,702 Extra sugar, just how you like it. 212 00:09:59,923 --> 00:10:02,450 Hmm. Remind me to get a divorce. 213 00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:05,948 But some women are having trouble "fitting in." 214 00:10:06,175 --> 00:10:07,958 Well, I can't figure it out, Jim. 215 00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:10,297 I was all prepared for a big presentation, 216 00:10:10,366 --> 00:10:13,020 but it went over like a nun at a go-go bar. 217 00:10:13,108 --> 00:10:15,004 Well, there's one thing you didn't prepare, 218 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,270 and that's your face. 219 00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,653 But I'm wearing a pound of Mary Kay. 220 00:10:18,741 --> 00:10:20,942 Let me touch your body and show you the problem. 221 00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:22,301 No need to ask. 222 00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:23,559 Mm. 223 00:10:23,779 --> 00:10:25,520 You've got a secret weapon 224 00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,615 sitting in the middle of your face. 225 00:10:27,726 --> 00:10:29,778 Now you're sure to get that promotion. 226 00:10:29,866 --> 00:10:31,231 Really? 227 00:10:32,073 --> 00:10:33,200 No. 228 00:10:33,668 --> 00:10:36,020 Ugh! Don't you see why I hate this? 229 00:10:36,108 --> 00:10:37,379 'Cause you hate everything? 230 00:10:37,467 --> 00:10:40,734 Because it makes that jerky old guy right! 231 00:10:40,822 --> 00:10:43,317 I am more popular because I'm smiling. 232 00:10:43,492 --> 00:10:44,801 Told ya! 233 00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:57,043 Wow. Not a single picture of Artie. 234 00:10:57,131 --> 00:10:58,989 Maybe he has matured. 235 00:11:01,753 --> 00:11:04,230 Well, I guess being here sort of ends 236 00:11:04,318 --> 00:11:05,536 a chapter in my life. 237 00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,372 So, lehayim. 238 00:11:09,214 --> 00:11:10,700 That's odd. 239 00:11:10,788 --> 00:11:13,556 Not one person from the bride's family. 240 00:11:18,191 --> 00:11:19,762 Excuse me. We need someone 241 00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:21,245 to walk the bride down the aisle. 242 00:11:21,333 --> 00:11:23,354 - Could you? - First, tell me one thing: 243 00:11:23,442 --> 00:11:24,606 How long is the aisle? 244 00:11:24,694 --> 00:11:26,092 About 20 feet. 245 00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:27,364 All right, I'll do it. 246 00:11:27,452 --> 00:11:29,369 But double cake. 247 00:11:33,004 --> 00:11:34,884 They grow up so fast. 248 00:11:34,972 --> 00:11:37,106 I knew this day would come. 249 00:11:37,699 --> 00:11:41,075 You'll always be my little girl. Mm. 250 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,786 If he ever hurts my baby, I'll kill him. 251 00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:45,872 Oh, for crying out loud. 252 00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:47,918 Friends, family, 253 00:11:48,006 --> 00:11:50,309 I take great delight in informing you 254 00:11:50,397 --> 00:11:52,754 that the bride and groom have written their own vows. 255 00:11:54,373 --> 00:11:57,700 Stick to the script, amateurs! 256 00:12:01,812 --> 00:12:02,950 Oh, my God. 257 00:12:03,038 --> 00:12:04,325 This is too weird. 258 00:12:04,413 --> 00:12:06,950 Artie, you are the greatest lover ever. 259 00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,809 When we make sex, it is so, so good. 260 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,426 I can't take this anymore. We're getting out of here. 261 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,895 Yeah. This is really creepy. 262 00:12:14,983 --> 00:12:16,895 Even the rhino's leaving. 263 00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,817 You may now kiss the bride. 264 00:12:25,643 --> 00:12:27,840 And this is a picture of us at our wedding. 265 00:12:27,928 --> 00:12:29,269 You're so happy. 266 00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,028 And here's us on our honeymoon. 267 00:12:31,116 --> 00:12:33,528 Two days in Ohio, two days in Michigan, 268 00:12:33,616 --> 00:12:35,772 and, booyah, up to Ontario 269 00:12:35,860 --> 00:12:38,513 for some international flavor. 270 00:12:39,421 --> 00:12:40,879 I'm not happy. 271 00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:43,716 I have a drawing of you saying that in Michigan. 272 00:12:43,836 --> 00:12:45,693 This smile is so wrong. 273 00:12:45,781 --> 00:12:47,325 There's nothing to be happy about. 274 00:12:47,413 --> 00:12:50,387 The world is a mess, and so is this school. 275 00:12:51,299 --> 00:12:53,264 I mean, how hard is this? 276 00:12:53,421 --> 00:12:56,333 The happy girl put the thing in the hole! 277 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:02,333 Wait a minute. 278 00:13:02,429 --> 00:13:04,205 I could use my new power 279 00:13:04,293 --> 00:13:05,787 to change these things, 280 00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:07,364 use it for good. 281 00:13:21,075 --> 00:13:22,590 Indubitably. 282 00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:25,135 - Hear, hear! Hear, hear! - Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 283 00:13:25,223 --> 00:13:26,887 I can make it happen. 284 00:13:27,323 --> 00:13:28,918 Hurry! 285 00:13:36,168 --> 00:13:37,424 You posers. 286 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,817 I was for Lisa before it was cool. 287 00:13:39,926 --> 00:13:41,473 You never liked Lisa. 288 00:13:41,576 --> 00:13:43,315 What? You got to remember that. 289 00:13:43,403 --> 00:13:45,122 That's my one thing! 290 00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:48,082 No. Your thing is crying when you're punched. 291 00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:49,184 Prove it. 292 00:13:49,302 --> 00:13:50,575 - Ow! - Aw! Ho! 293 00:13:52,037 --> 00:13:54,613 Aw, you're taking all the fun out of it. 294 00:13:54,973 --> 00:13:56,636 The polls are in, and you're doing great. 295 00:13:56,724 --> 00:13:59,354 You're picking up the key group: girls who don't like Milhouse. 296 00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:00,707 You're big with swing voters, 297 00:14:00,795 --> 00:14:02,668 but the teeter-totters could go either way. 298 00:14:02,756 --> 00:14:04,252 What about the kids on the slide? 299 00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:05,418 Eh, they're up and down, 300 00:14:05,506 --> 00:14:07,270 but the kids on the monkey bars are climbing. 301 00:14:07,358 --> 00:14:08,379 That's all I got. 302 00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:10,715 Like every election with one week to go, 303 00:14:10,803 --> 00:14:12,145 this is in the bag. 304 00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:13,434 Don't be so sure. 305 00:14:13,522 --> 00:14:15,338 I'm up against a tough opponent: 306 00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:17,145 Dubya Spuckler. 307 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:19,629 Look at this negative ad he did. 308 00:14:19,838 --> 00:14:22,582 Lisa Simpson says "writin'" ends with a "G" 309 00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,168 and "'rithmetic" starts with a "A." 310 00:14:25,279 --> 00:14:27,047 You know what I say? 311 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:32,223 Don't worry. You just keep smiling. 312 00:14:32,311 --> 00:14:34,666 Well, I do have an orthodontist appointment 313 00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:36,059 tomorrow for a tune-up. 314 00:14:36,147 --> 00:14:38,437 In the bag, Madam President. 315 00:14:38,525 --> 00:14:40,357 Bup, don't be so sure. 316 00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:43,139 Hey, I drew a picture of your inauguration. 317 00:14:43,436 --> 00:14:46,529 I don't think I've ever looked more radiant. 318 00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:53,811 Okay, kid. Your bottom braces are on. 319 00:14:54,199 --> 00:14:56,917 What happened to my smile? 320 00:14:57,747 --> 00:14:59,576 No, no, no, this is terrible. 321 00:14:59,664 --> 00:15:01,381 I look like I actually feel. 322 00:15:01,469 --> 00:15:03,686 In six months, you'll have perfect teeth. 323 00:15:03,774 --> 00:15:06,748 Six months? I have to smile now. 324 00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:08,717 No, I can power through this. 325 00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:11,287 Ow. Ow. 326 00:15:11,651 --> 00:15:14,400 Uh, Ralph lost his retainer in the trash. 327 00:15:14,488 --> 00:15:16,048 What can we, uh, do here? 328 00:15:16,136 --> 00:15:18,084 New ones are $500. 329 00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:20,943 Uh, so just what is this secret mission, Chief? 330 00:15:21,031 --> 00:15:23,983 Well, let's just say you're on retainer. 331 00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:35,170 Let's see. I'll take this. 332 00:15:35,258 --> 00:15:36,911 Aw, stop that. 333 00:15:37,044 --> 00:15:40,068 Aw, come on, Marge. This minibar is paid for. 334 00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:43,045 Do you know the street value of this Toblerone? 335 00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:45,248 Homer, stop it. 336 00:15:45,336 --> 00:15:47,877 I can't help thinking about that poor woman. 337 00:15:47,965 --> 00:15:51,186 Artie only married her because she looks like me. 338 00:15:51,392 --> 00:15:52,889 I mean, a lot like me. 339 00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:54,975 You're right. We have to find her and tell her. 340 00:15:55,063 --> 00:15:57,390 But, first, there's something naughty 341 00:15:57,478 --> 00:15:59,478 I want to do \with this bed. 342 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,529 Are you sure we should be here? 343 00:16:08,617 --> 00:16:10,373 This is technically his honeymoon. 344 00:16:10,461 --> 00:16:13,335 Achm! Achm! Achm! 345 00:16:15,657 --> 00:16:16,740 Artie? 346 00:16:16,828 --> 00:16:19,350 I'm at the lowest point of my life! 347 00:16:19,556 --> 00:16:20,873 But come on in. 348 00:16:23,403 --> 00:16:25,803 As a woman, I just want to tell your wife 349 00:16:25,891 --> 00:16:27,714 what's really going on here. 350 00:16:27,802 --> 00:16:29,193 Sure, why not? 351 00:16:29,351 --> 00:16:31,477 Say it to her face! 352 00:16:32,721 --> 00:16:34,180 Now you know my secret. 353 00:16:34,268 --> 00:16:36,701 I've spent years trying to build the perfect copy 354 00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:39,623 of the only woman for me: you, Marge. 355 00:16:41,998 --> 00:16:44,756 But they were all inferior in some way. 356 00:16:45,225 --> 00:16:46,861 This one lacks kindness. 357 00:16:46,948 --> 00:16:48,584 This one keeps trying to kill me. 358 00:16:48,672 --> 00:16:50,490 This one's head is a toaster! 359 00:16:50,578 --> 00:16:53,787 And the slots aren't even big enough for a bagel! 360 00:16:54,045 --> 00:16:56,318 Why would you marry a machine? 361 00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:57,717 I didn't. 362 00:16:57,868 --> 00:16:59,524 It was one last trick. 363 00:16:59,682 --> 00:17:01,856 I thought when you saw how perfect we look together, 364 00:17:01,906 --> 00:17:04,412 you would realize that we were meant to be. 365 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:08,521 I am, as the poet once said, a dumb schmuck. 366 00:17:08,754 --> 00:17:10,311 - Artie. - Yes? 367 00:17:10,469 --> 00:17:12,373 You're not dumb. You're smart. 368 00:17:12,461 --> 00:17:14,185 And I think this crazy project 369 00:17:14,295 --> 00:17:16,178 actually had some brilliance in it. 370 00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:19,875 Imagine if you use that noodle for good. 371 00:17:20,061 --> 00:17:22,053 Wow. Wow. 372 00:17:22,203 --> 00:17:23,896 Only you could find a pearl 373 00:17:23,984 --> 00:17:26,529 in the flabby oyster that is me. 374 00:17:26,617 --> 00:17:28,811 I will become a better human being. 375 00:17:28,899 --> 00:17:30,076 Terrific. 376 00:17:30,164 --> 00:17:32,221 And then you'll love me? 377 00:17:32,309 --> 00:17:33,553 No. 378 00:17:33,642 --> 00:17:36,787 Well, then, I finally give up. 379 00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:38,850 Or do I? 380 00:17:40,241 --> 00:17:41,990 Aw, damn it. 381 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:46,412 Artie, you and your blue crew of Margekateers 382 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,156 have done so many good deeds. 383 00:17:48,244 --> 00:17:49,264 What's next? 384 00:17:49,352 --> 00:17:51,326 I'm gonna make one of them my bride. 385 00:17:52,532 --> 00:17:54,295 Hey, I didn't give you wings. 386 00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:55,990 Life finds a way! 387 00:17:58,705 --> 00:18:00,600 Uh, let's quiet down, please. 388 00:18:00,695 --> 00:18:02,232 The sooner we can get this debate over, 389 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:03,997 the sooner the teachers can get ice cream. 390 00:18:04,085 --> 00:18:05,403 Boo! 391 00:18:05,491 --> 00:18:07,949 None for Seymour. He gets gassy. 392 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,419 Yeah, I-I know. 393 00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:12,678 And now we have a very special moderator, 394 00:18:12,766 --> 00:18:14,912 Governor Mary Bailey. 395 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,302 Our first candidate is Dubya Spuckler. 396 00:18:18,443 --> 00:18:20,928 Dubya! Dubya! 397 00:18:21,039 --> 00:18:22,193 That's your brother. 398 00:18:22,281 --> 00:18:24,232 He prefers he pronoun "they," 399 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,381 on account of the twin he absorbed in my belly. 400 00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:30,490 Our other candidate is ill, so she'll be Skyping in. 401 00:18:30,578 --> 00:18:31,701 Lisa Simpson. 402 00:18:31,789 --> 00:18:34,188 Lisa, I'm sorry, what do you have? 403 00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:37,075 What I have is an agenda for this school, 404 00:18:37,170 --> 00:18:39,232 an agenda that looks forward. 405 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,186 I can deliver results, while my opponent 406 00:18:42,274 --> 00:18:44,240 can't even spell "results." 407 00:18:44,445 --> 00:18:47,631 Yes, I can. R-E squiggly letter, 408 00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:49,170 bucket letter, tall man, 409 00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,889 little plus sign, squiggly letter. 410 00:18:50,985 --> 00:18:52,029 "Results." 411 00:18:52,117 --> 00:18:53,887 That's not how you spell "results." 412 00:18:53,975 --> 00:18:56,679 Lisa doesn't sound sick at all. 413 00:18:58,517 --> 00:19:00,646 You said you've done this before. 414 00:19:00,734 --> 00:19:03,271 It was my machismo talking. 415 00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,194 - Ooooh! - Ooooh! - Ooooh! - Ooooh! 416 00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:12,953 Aah! Lisa's using a funny-face app. 417 00:19:17,578 --> 00:19:20,133 Listen, I tried to fool you, and that was wrong. 418 00:19:20,221 --> 00:19:22,286 This is an abomination! 419 00:19:22,374 --> 00:19:24,086 What are you doing at a school debate? 420 00:19:24,213 --> 00:19:27,359 My illegitimate son goes here. 421 00:19:28,031 --> 00:19:29,727 Oh, the shame. 422 00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:31,750 I still have good ideas. 423 00:19:31,857 --> 00:19:34,440 All I hear is "nag, nag, nag." 424 00:19:34,566 --> 00:19:36,889 Dubya! Dubya! 425 00:19:37,054 --> 00:19:39,648 Dubya! Dubya! 426 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:42,336 Oh, boy. 427 00:19:42,630 --> 00:19:44,508 I didn't want to believe my popularity 428 00:19:44,596 --> 00:19:46,937 was based on my stupid smile. 429 00:19:47,081 --> 00:19:49,070 Oh, but it was. 430 00:19:49,158 --> 00:19:51,315 You're just a kid, and things are changing. 431 00:19:51,469 --> 00:19:53,476 In the future, women will be judged 432 00:19:53,564 --> 00:19:55,641 by what they say, not how they look. 433 00:19:55,729 --> 00:19:59,875 Maybe, but the future is a really long way away. 434 00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:02,109 Told you you should smile more. 435 00:20:02,697 --> 00:20:04,906 The future is now! 436 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,594 Oh! Wow! 437 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:11,836 A toast. 438 00:20:11,923 --> 00:20:13,648 I have finally perfected you. 439 00:20:13,736 --> 00:20:16,516 You all look just like Marge, and you will never leave. 440 00:20:16,604 --> 00:20:20,633 Now, which of you lucky girls wants to party with Arty? 441 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:25,336 I am in power save mode. 442 00:20:25,469 --> 00:20:27,758 Oh, fine. What about you two? 443 00:20:27,846 --> 00:20:29,210 Power save. 444 00:20:29,298 --> 00:20:31,505 One percent battery. 445 00:20:31,593 --> 00:20:32,789 Hmm? 446 00:20:32,877 --> 00:20:34,578 I just don't like you. 447 00:20:36,475 --> 00:20:38,469 Oh! That counts as a kiss. 448 00:20:38,835 --> 00:20:41,241 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 449 00:20:41,329 --> 00:20:43,329 Sync corrections by srjanapala 450 00:21:15,181 --> 00:21:17,181 Shh!