1
00:00:06,570 --> 00:00:08,737
D'oh!
2
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,640
What the...?!
3
00:00:14,511 --> 00:00:17,179
Well, this is a no-brainer.
4
00:00:19,249 --> 00:00:20,583
Woo-hoo!
5
00:00:21,985 --> 00:00:23,452
D'oh!
6
00:00:24,921 --> 00:00:26,555
D'oh!
7
00:00:28,058 --> 00:00:29,191
D'oh!
8
00:00:30,727 --> 00:00:31,961
D'oh!
9
00:00:33,964 --> 00:00:36,732
D'oh! D'oh!
10
00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:38,234
D'oh!
11
00:00:39,035 --> 00:00:41,370
D'oh! D'oh!
12
00:00:41,404 --> 00:00:42,805
D'oh!
13
00:00:46,810 --> 00:00:48,744
Now what?
14
00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:54,146
♪ The Simpsons 25x21 ♪
Pay Pal
Original Air Date on May 11, 2014
15
00:00:54,147 --> 00:00:58,047
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
16
00:01:52,976 --> 00:01:54,943
Mom, it's not funny
17
00:01:54,978 --> 00:01:56,912
if I can't hear the cats
drown in their own barf.
18
00:02:03,419 --> 00:02:07,055
Why can't kids still watch
Captain Kangaroo?!
19
00:02:07,090 --> 00:02:08,390
Culture's in decline.
Deal with it.
20
00:02:08,424 --> 00:02:09,658
Oh!
21
00:02:12,128 --> 00:02:14,129
Yay! A mess!
22
00:02:14,163 --> 00:02:16,465
Ooh! Can I lick the ceiling?
Oh.
23
00:02:16,499 --> 00:02:19,601
I was making that cake
for the block party today.
24
00:02:19,636 --> 00:02:21,737
Now there's no choice
but to go...
25
00:02:21,771 --> 00:02:23,472
store-bought.
26
00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:35,350
I need a price check on
27
00:02:35,385 --> 00:02:37,886
Gramma Shortcut's
Store-bought Bundt Cake.
28
00:02:42,025 --> 00:02:43,292
Keep it!
29
00:02:43,326 --> 00:02:45,127
Let's go!
30
00:02:46,162 --> 00:02:47,796
We've got some put-backs.
31
00:02:47,830 --> 00:02:49,498
Roger dodger, boss.
32
00:02:49,532 --> 00:02:51,867
Hey, don't turn
old man on me.
33
00:02:51,901 --> 00:02:53,702
You know, I used
to be the buyer
34
00:02:53,736 --> 00:02:55,470
for the whole chain--
71 stores.
35
00:02:55,505 --> 00:02:56,938
You heard of the A&P?
36
00:02:56,973 --> 00:02:58,774
Well, we used
to be the J&G.
37
00:02:58,808 --> 00:03:02,177
♪ You like what you see
at the J&G ♪
38
00:03:02,211 --> 00:03:05,380
♪ They're used to be three,
but we lost the "Z" and... ♪
39
00:03:05,415 --> 00:03:07,783
If I make out with you,
will you shut up?
40
00:03:07,817 --> 00:03:09,818
Ah, give it a shot.
41
00:03:09,852 --> 00:03:12,120
You know, we used to
give out gray stamps.
42
00:03:12,155 --> 00:03:13,622
Remember green stamps?
43
00:03:13,656 --> 00:03:14,856
Ours was gray.
44
00:03:20,029 --> 00:03:22,531
Attention block
party losers!
45
00:03:22,565 --> 00:03:24,900
We are Ear Poison!
46
00:03:28,137 --> 00:03:31,940
♪ There were bells
on a hill ♪
47
00:03:31,974 --> 00:03:36,144
♪ But I never
heard them ringing ♪
48
00:03:36,179 --> 00:03:37,179
♪ No, I never... ♪
49
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,050
We must have the same recipe.
50
00:03:42,085 --> 00:03:43,752
Drive to store,
buy cheap cake,
51
00:03:43,786 --> 00:03:44,986
serves them right.
52
00:03:45,021 --> 00:03:46,488
Booth Wilkes-John.
53
00:03:46,522 --> 00:03:48,724
My wife and I
just moved here from London.
54
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:50,325
Marge Simpson.
55
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,928
Congratulations on
Little King George.
56
00:03:52,962 --> 00:03:56,131
Well, Marge, my wife and I
are hosting a get-to-know-you
57
00:03:56,165 --> 00:03:59,935
game night on Saturday next-- or
as you call it, next Saturday.
58
00:03:59,969 --> 00:04:01,903
Ooh! Game night?
59
00:04:01,938 --> 00:04:03,572
You know? Adult games.
60
00:04:03,606 --> 00:04:07,509
Well, not "adult games,"
fun games, like Charades--
61
00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:09,478
or as you call it,
Pictionary.
62
00:04:09,512 --> 00:04:11,146
It sounds like fun.
63
00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:13,048
I'll just tell Homer and...
64
00:04:14,951 --> 00:04:16,585
Homer,
for the last time,
65
00:04:16,619 --> 00:04:17,919
do not drink
the Yahtzee dice.
66
00:04:17,954 --> 00:04:19,020
Fine.
67
00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:22,190
Ooh! Doubles.
68
00:04:22,225 --> 00:04:24,426
Mm, I don't know.
69
00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:27,529
We have church the next morning,
starts at 11:00.
70
00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:29,398
Oh, we're going
to the game night.
71
00:04:29,432 --> 00:04:31,566
Moving church
to Monday afternoon.
72
00:04:33,136 --> 00:04:35,837
Well, if you change your mind,
please let us know.
73
00:04:35,872 --> 00:04:37,672
We could become
"couples friends."
74
00:04:37,707 --> 00:04:40,976
Now, let me try some of
Ned Flanders' No Alarm Chili.
75
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:42,911
You'll only taste
the spoon.
76
00:04:42,945 --> 00:04:43,979
Brilliant.
77
00:04:46,582 --> 00:04:48,583
Why don't we have
any couples friends?
78
00:04:49,819 --> 00:04:53,255
Because...
couples friends are a myth,
79
00:04:53,289 --> 00:04:55,891
started by restaurants
with tables for four.
80
00:04:55,925 --> 00:04:57,626
I want friends!
81
00:04:57,660 --> 00:04:58,960
Any friends.
82
00:04:58,995 --> 00:05:00,195
Okay, sweetie.
83
00:05:00,229 --> 00:05:01,363
I'll call the Van Houtens.
84
00:05:01,397 --> 00:05:02,964
Not the Van Houtens.
But...
85
00:05:02,999 --> 00:05:05,300
They're always bragging
about their trip to Rome.
86
00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:08,069
It was 12 years ago,
and it was a layover.
87
00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:09,938
I want new friends.
88
00:05:09,972 --> 00:05:11,640
Can I make
an observation?
89
00:05:11,674 --> 00:05:13,542
I'm okay with
no friends.
90
00:05:13,576 --> 00:05:15,277
It's easier to focus,
91
00:05:15,311 --> 00:05:18,880
and it'll give me great material
for whatever art form I choose.
92
00:05:18,915 --> 00:05:21,416
Right now,
I'm thinking long novella.
93
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:22,451
Good night.
94
00:05:22,485 --> 00:05:25,720
Okay with no friends?
95
00:05:25,755 --> 00:05:27,656
That's the saddest thing
I can imagine
96
00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:29,224
my daughter saying to me.
97
00:05:29,258 --> 00:05:30,592
I can think of worse.
98
00:05:30,626 --> 00:05:32,093
The saddest thing would be
99
00:05:32,128 --> 00:05:33,795
if you were driving
and texting Lisa
100
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:35,330
and you hit her.
101
00:05:35,364 --> 00:05:38,099
And the last thing she
texted before she died was,
102
00:05:38,134 --> 00:05:40,101
"I got your message."
103
00:05:40,136 --> 00:05:41,636
Good night.
104
00:05:43,773 --> 00:05:45,740
Well, they all
make good points.
105
00:05:45,775 --> 00:05:48,977
And now, the moment of truth
106
00:05:49,011 --> 00:05:50,512
on Topiary Wars.
107
00:05:59,355 --> 00:06:03,892
This Taj Mahal should be
floated down the Ganges.
108
00:06:03,926 --> 00:06:05,227
I'm sorry, Cathy.
109
00:06:05,261 --> 00:06:06,661
Turn in your shears and ladders.
110
00:06:06,696 --> 00:06:09,564
Come and get 'em!
111
00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:12,634
Oh! Thank you.
112
00:06:12,668 --> 00:06:15,103
Why was that on the
Military History Channel?
113
00:06:15,137 --> 00:06:16,905
We're going to that game party,
114
00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:19,207
and we're going to be
charming and witty.
115
00:06:19,242 --> 00:06:21,209
You're not going to
eat too much,
116
00:06:21,244 --> 00:06:23,612
and we're not going to
stay too late.
117
00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:26,681
You will not sing
unless there's a sing-along,
118
00:06:26,716 --> 00:06:30,252
and never take the tray
out of the caterer's hand.
119
00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:32,854
Don't be too loud,
and don't be too quiet.
120
00:06:32,889 --> 00:06:35,790
When you're too quiet,
you get that psycho look.
121
00:06:37,059 --> 00:06:38,593
And stay in the living room.
122
00:06:38,628 --> 00:06:41,563
Don't go to their kids' room
and watch a basketball game.
123
00:06:41,597 --> 00:06:43,098
Can I check out
what toys they have?
124
00:06:43,132 --> 00:06:44,165
No.
125
00:06:45,234 --> 00:06:47,435
Dinner party
at the neighbors'.
126
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:49,070
At least I can drink.
127
00:06:49,105 --> 00:06:50,472
One drink.
128
00:06:50,506 --> 00:06:53,308
Wha...?!
Walking distance, Marge!
129
00:06:53,342 --> 00:06:56,344
I've been looking forward
to this all week.
130
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,447
Don't show your wife
this app!
131
00:06:59,482 --> 00:07:00,482
Powering down!
132
00:07:03,019 --> 00:07:05,554
You were charming
enough to win me,
133
00:07:05,588 --> 00:07:08,189
and that day you didn't
have a drink in you.
134
00:07:14,297 --> 00:07:16,464
Marge! Homer!
135
00:07:16,499 --> 00:07:19,000
Mwah! Mwah!
136
00:07:19,035 --> 00:07:20,969
Homer.
137
00:07:21,003 --> 00:07:24,105
You know, I have more cheeks.
138
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,408
I'd like you to meet
my wife Wallis.
139
00:07:26,442 --> 00:07:27,842
How ya doin'?
140
00:07:27,877 --> 00:07:30,712
Wallis has unearthed the most
delightful entertainment
141
00:07:30,746 --> 00:07:32,814
to thrill us for hours on end.
142
00:07:32,848 --> 00:07:36,117
It's a murder mystery,
and we're all suspects.
143
00:07:37,553 --> 00:07:41,356
Great! I've always wanted
to try and solve a crime.
144
00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:45,026
Please, everyone,
read your bio.
145
00:07:46,495 --> 00:07:49,698
I am a humble farmer
from Yorkshire.
146
00:07:49,732 --> 00:07:52,434
Humble I can be!
147
00:07:52,468 --> 00:07:53,969
That's the spirit!
148
00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:56,137
Wallis and I have found
this game to provide
149
00:07:56,172 --> 00:07:58,807
a full evening of
divertissement,
150
00:07:58,841 --> 00:08:01,309
building in suspense
to a masterful climax.
151
00:08:01,344 --> 00:08:02,811
We've rented costumes
152
00:08:02,845 --> 00:08:06,014
you'll find accurate to period
and conducive to character.
153
00:08:06,048 --> 00:08:08,216
We will serve food and wine
154
00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:10,852
appropriate to period
and palette.
155
00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:15,724
We've programmed music
to cover every dramatic event.
156
00:08:15,758 --> 00:08:17,392
Hired a Foley artist.
157
00:08:19,261 --> 00:08:21,763
I believe the mare
has a slight limp.
158
00:08:23,766 --> 00:08:25,734
Yes. Yes!
159
00:08:25,768 --> 00:08:30,505
So, for the next three hours,
I welcome you to the moors of...
160
00:08:30,539 --> 00:08:31,640
Question.
161
00:08:31,674 --> 00:08:32,807
Uh, it says here
162
00:08:32,842 --> 00:08:34,476
the murderer is
Admiral Wainsworth.
163
00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:35,577
Who's that?
164
00:08:36,912 --> 00:08:39,581
You've... you-you've given away
the game!
165
00:08:39,615 --> 00:08:40,982
Well, you know...
166
00:08:41,017 --> 00:08:42,183
Why you...!
167
00:08:45,788 --> 00:08:47,722
Thank you so much!
168
00:08:47,757 --> 00:08:51,359
Now Wallis will once again
withdraw into melancholia!
169
00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:53,995
Birth, school, work, death.
170
00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:56,765
Worth, drool, shirk, breath.
171
00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:59,234
Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth.
172
00:08:59,268 --> 00:09:01,970
Just so you know, mer,
you were going to be
173
00:09:02,004 --> 00:09:04,873
a dashing Russian count
with multiple lovers!
174
00:09:04,907 --> 00:09:07,876
Well, as we
say in Russia,
175
00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:09,411
"Good-bye in Russian!"
176
00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:10,945
Do svidaniya!
177
00:09:15,479 --> 00:09:18,415
Uh, nice night
for a walk.
178
00:09:19,584 --> 00:09:22,986
I'd like to be alone
for a while.
179
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,788
You want to be
more alone?
180
00:09:24,822 --> 00:09:26,122
Yes.
181
00:09:30,795 --> 00:09:32,462
More?
Mm-hmm.
182
00:09:35,266 --> 00:09:36,900
What the...?! D'oh!
183
00:09:38,469 --> 00:09:40,770
That's good.
184
00:09:43,174 --> 00:09:45,442
Okay, I slept on the couch
185
00:09:45,476 --> 00:09:47,477
and I flipped
the sweaty cushions over.
186
00:09:47,511 --> 00:09:49,479
What else can I do?
It's okay.
187
00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,815
I mean, those people didn't even
want us at that party
188
00:09:51,849 --> 00:09:53,583
in the first place.
189
00:09:53,618 --> 00:09:57,754
I think it's time we learn
to live with being ostracized.
190
00:09:57,788 --> 00:09:59,155
Mmm...
191
00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:02,325
Don't you dare say
"ostrich eyes"!
192
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,494
Because... uh...
193
00:10:04,528 --> 00:10:05,929
Oh! Oh, okay, okay!
194
00:10:05,963 --> 00:10:07,197
What should we do?
195
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:08,832
Nothing. I give up.
196
00:10:08,866 --> 00:10:10,700
No more dinner parties.
197
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:14,037
Our whole social life
will be us watching TV
198
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:15,872
and you going to Moe's.
199
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:18,375
I see.
200
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,810
Woo-hoo!
201
00:10:23,114 --> 00:10:26,016
Well, if that's
how you think it has to be.
202
00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:27,550
Yes, for us.
203
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,219
But not for Lisa.
204
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,720
Never for Lisa.
205
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:33,089
We're going to help
her make friends.
206
00:10:33,124 --> 00:10:34,557
It might be easier with Maggie.
207
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,360
She's always getting letters
from the day care center.
208
00:10:37,395 --> 00:10:38,895
Those are
past-due bills.
209
00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:41,531
They'll get
their blood money.
210
00:10:41,565 --> 00:10:44,901
And Lisa will get a friend.
211
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,903
After this,
we'll do makeovers.
212
00:10:51,876 --> 00:10:53,843
So where are
all the friends?
213
00:10:53,878 --> 00:10:55,345
I don't know.
214
00:10:55,379 --> 00:10:58,181
I invited everyone
that Lisa's ever met.
215
00:10:58,215 --> 00:11:00,850
Who are you?
Gus Huebner.
216
00:11:00,885 --> 00:11:04,020
I was on Lisa's coed soccer team
two years ago.
217
00:11:04,055 --> 00:11:06,589
Well, Lisa's gonna be here
in five minutes,
218
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:09,426
and the only kid who showed up
is Gus freakin' Huebner.
219
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,094
Watch your mouth.
220
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:13,763
Oh, no, you're
right, Homer. Abort!
221
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,365
Abort!
Oh, no.
222
00:11:15,399 --> 00:11:18,201
I was the only chump who
showed up at this train wreck.
223
00:11:18,235 --> 00:11:20,303
Well, I'm not leaving
till I get a party.
224
00:11:20,337 --> 00:11:23,306
Fine, fine. Homer,
give him a party.
225
00:11:51,802 --> 00:11:53,970
Gus Huebner?
226
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,805
Is that you?
227
00:11:57,541 --> 00:11:58,908
I wish.
228
00:11:58,943 --> 00:12:01,111
That kid can play youth soccer.
229
00:12:05,649 --> 00:12:07,584
Are you guys okay?
230
00:12:07,618 --> 00:12:09,319
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm fine.
231
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,954
Yeah. That's...
Nothing's going on.
232
00:12:10,988 --> 00:12:12,722
Right, right.
Nothing.
233
00:12:12,757 --> 00:12:13,523
What's for dinner?
234
00:12:13,557 --> 00:12:15,258
Pizza. Mmm.
235
00:12:15,292 --> 00:12:16,526
Lots of pizza.
236
00:12:26,804 --> 00:12:29,706
So, as her teacher, I was
wondering if you could tell me
237
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:33,176
why Lisa has such
trouble making friends.
238
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,845
Marge, this is
when I normally eat lunch.
239
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,516
So I'll just tell you
Lisa is... unique.
240
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,551
And we're done.
241
00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:47,657
All right. For some reason,
242
00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:50,894
square dancing is a part
of the gym curriculum.
243
00:12:50,928 --> 00:12:53,329
Now, I'm gonna open the divider
to the girls' gym,
244
00:12:53,364 --> 00:12:57,567
and if you don't find a dance
partner within ten seconds,
245
00:12:57,601 --> 00:13:01,671
there is something very wrong
with you!
246
00:13:13,384 --> 00:13:15,051
Hmm.
247
00:13:17,121 --> 00:13:18,188
Aw.
248
00:13:19,456 --> 00:13:21,191
That's tough
luck, Lisa.
249
00:13:21,225 --> 00:13:23,393
Looks like you're dancing
with Groundskeeper Willie.
250
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,061
Careful of your toes.
251
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,596
I got me cleats on!
252
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:28,565
I'll dance
with Lisa.
253
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,167
Tumi? But you're from
the other second grade.
254
00:13:31,202 --> 00:13:33,870
We only come together
for tornado drills.
255
00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:38,107
God, I hate square dancing.
256
00:13:38,142 --> 00:13:40,910
It ain't gym class
if a fat kid's not crying.
257
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,245
Let's do this thing.
258
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,855
♪ Swing your partner,
swing her hard ♪
259
00:13:51,889 --> 00:13:53,723
♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪
260
00:13:53,757 --> 00:13:56,025
Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha!
261
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,294
♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪
262
00:13:58,329 --> 00:14:00,129
♪ Oh, thank God,
the clock says 3:00 ♪
263
00:14:00,164 --> 00:14:01,965
♪ 'Cause I have to take a pee. ♪
264
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,634
Finally.
265
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,672
But I won't push it,
I promise. See ya.
266
00:14:09,707 --> 00:14:11,841
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Um, I was going
267
00:14:11,876 --> 00:14:14,210
to All Sales Vinyl
after school.
268
00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:15,545
The vintage record store?
269
00:14:15,579 --> 00:14:17,380
Yeah. You want to come with me?
270
00:14:17,414 --> 00:14:19,549
At the risk of sounding
like a broken record,
271
00:14:19,583 --> 00:14:21,451
yes, yes, yes!
272
00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:28,358
They will fit. They will fit.
273
00:14:28,392 --> 00:14:30,226
Yes!
274
00:14:33,631 --> 00:14:36,766
Hmm. Nobody likes jazz
that much.
275
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,202
Even the guy playing it
had to take drugs.
276
00:14:39,904 --> 00:14:40,970
It's so much fun
277
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,805
to finally have a friend
who likes the NPR show
278
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,608
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
as much as I do.
279
00:14:45,643 --> 00:14:48,444
So, Carl Kasell,
how did the House Minority Whip
280
00:14:48,479 --> 00:14:50,280
do on our news quiz?
281
00:14:50,314 --> 00:14:52,582
Well, Peter,
he got two out of three right,
282
00:14:52,616 --> 00:14:55,618
so he wins me
recording his outgoing message.
283
00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:57,620
Oh, that's okay. Really.
No, no, no. Please don't.
284
00:14:57,655 --> 00:14:59,289
It's not optional.
285
00:15:03,227 --> 00:15:04,861
See, Marge?
286
00:15:04,895 --> 00:15:06,930
Problems will
work themselves out
287
00:15:06,964 --> 00:15:08,631
if you just
leave them alone.
288
00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:09,799
Mm-hmm.
289
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:11,000
Want some more smoothie?
290
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:14,037
As long as you load up
on the kale and chia.
291
00:15:16,273 --> 00:15:19,242
Oh, no one likes
veggie smoothies that much.
292
00:15:19,276 --> 00:15:20,777
Or at all. Hmm.
293
00:15:20,811 --> 00:15:22,712
Something's fishy
about that girl,
294
00:15:22,746 --> 00:15:24,948
and I'm gonna follow her
till I find out what.
295
00:15:24,982 --> 00:15:26,883
And I'm gonna
help you.
296
00:15:26,917 --> 00:15:29,652
I think I'll need you back at
headquarters manning the phones.
297
00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:31,754
Great. What do I say?
298
00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:32,755
Just let 'em ring.
299
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:33,923
Got it!
300
00:15:33,958 --> 00:15:35,925
♪ They smile in your face ♪
301
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,827
♪ All the time they want
to take your place ♪
302
00:15:37,861 --> 00:15:39,829
♪ The backstabbers ♪
303
00:15:39,863 --> 00:15:42,265
♪ Backstabbers ♪
304
00:15:42,299 --> 00:15:43,533
♪ They smile in your face ♪
305
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,768
♪ All the time they want
to take your place ♪
306
00:15:45,803 --> 00:15:48,137
♪ The backstabbers ♪
307
00:15:48,172 --> 00:15:50,006
♪ Backstabbers ♪
308
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,442
♪ All you fellas
who have someone ♪
309
00:15:52,476 --> 00:15:54,777
♪ And you really care ♪
310
00:15:54,812 --> 00:15:56,846
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
311
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,116
♪ Then it's
all of you fellas... ♪
312
00:16:06,390 --> 00:16:09,359
♪ Low-down, dirty. ♪
313
00:16:14,164 --> 00:16:15,465
What do you want?
314
00:16:15,499 --> 00:16:16,866
I've got two things for you.
315
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:18,534
This envelope will
change your life
316
00:16:18,569 --> 00:16:20,536
for the low, low
price of five dollars,
317
00:16:20,571 --> 00:16:23,039
and I'll throw in a
piece of great advice.
318
00:16:23,073 --> 00:16:25,074
Tempted?
319
00:16:27,344 --> 00:16:28,511
What's the advice?
320
00:16:28,545 --> 00:16:30,246
Don't open
the envelope.
321
00:16:34,818 --> 00:16:37,987
Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.
322
00:16:45,195 --> 00:16:47,163
Mom paid her to be my friend?
323
00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:54,070
That's mine.
324
00:16:54,104 --> 00:16:56,072
It's for my
library card.
325
00:17:01,489 --> 00:17:03,123
You don't want
to be here.
326
00:17:03,158 --> 00:17:04,792
Neither do you!
327
00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:13,634
Mom, how could you pay
someone to be my friend?
328
00:17:13,668 --> 00:17:16,136
Answer me!
329
00:17:16,171 --> 00:17:19,740
Oh, I wouldn't say I paid
someone to be your friend.
330
00:17:19,774 --> 00:17:22,609
I just gave her money
for records and ice cream.
331
00:17:22,644 --> 00:17:24,645
You gave away ice cream?!
332
00:17:24,679 --> 00:17:26,880
I would've found
a friend eventually.
333
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:30,617
You couldn't wait a damn decade
until I got into college?
334
00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:34,988
Oh, Lisa. Lisa, wait!
335
00:17:36,624 --> 00:17:37,991
Oh, God, oh, God.
336
00:17:38,026 --> 00:17:40,394
I'm the smart parent.
337
00:17:42,197 --> 00:17:45,732
I'm sorry she rejected
your "I'm Sorry" cake,
338
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:47,067
but, in a way, I'm not.
339
00:17:47,102 --> 00:17:50,504
I guess what I'm trying to say
is I like cake.
340
00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:52,172
Marge, don't feel bad.
341
00:17:52,207 --> 00:17:54,842
You did what any parent
would do.
342
00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:56,910
No, I think
I went too far.
343
00:17:56,945 --> 00:17:58,879
Let me tell you a little story
344
00:17:58,913 --> 00:18:02,583
about a chubby unpopular boy
named Homer.
345
00:18:02,617 --> 00:18:05,119
Is that the boy
you named me after?
346
00:18:05,153 --> 00:18:06,920
It is you,
you idiot!
347
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,322
Whoa.
Little Homer had
348
00:18:08,356 --> 00:18:10,190
a devil of a time
making friends.
349
00:18:10,225 --> 00:18:12,292
No one wanted to come visit him.
350
00:18:12,327 --> 00:18:15,562
So I decided to take matters
into my own hands.
351
00:18:15,597 --> 00:18:17,731
I paid a couple of boys,
352
00:18:17,765 --> 00:18:22,236
Lenny and Carl,
to make my Homer feel loved.
353
00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:25,839
A relationship
I continued to this day.
354
00:18:25,874 --> 00:18:28,375
You pay Lenny and Carl
to be my friends?!
355
00:18:28,409 --> 00:18:31,345
Yes, but Barney's
yours for nothing.
356
00:18:31,379 --> 00:18:32,846
Aw.
Hmm.
357
00:18:32,881 --> 00:18:34,915
Well, that makes me
feel better.
358
00:18:36,351 --> 00:18:37,918
Lisa's door is unlocked!
359
00:18:38,953 --> 00:18:41,455
Dad, is that story
really true?
360
00:18:42,824 --> 00:18:44,625
I wouldn't pay
ten cents to a lion
361
00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:46,493
to stop him
from eating you!
362
00:18:50,298 --> 00:18:53,433
Lisa, just say
something to me.
363
00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:54,935
I'm gonna tell
every psychiatrist
364
00:18:54,969 --> 00:18:56,937
I ever go to
what you did.
365
00:18:56,971 --> 00:18:59,873
A mother's greatest fear.
366
00:19:02,143 --> 00:19:04,778
Wow, I made Mom cry.
367
00:19:04,812 --> 00:19:06,980
What unimaginable power.
368
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,483
I can use this
to get anything I want.
369
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:12,152
But right now, all I want
370
00:19:12,187 --> 00:19:15,556
is for Mom to stop crying.
371
00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:17,157
Mom, stop! Stop!
372
00:19:17,192 --> 00:19:20,394
Stop. I'm sorry.
373
00:19:20,428 --> 00:19:21,395
Oh...
374
00:19:21,429 --> 00:19:22,963
Please stop!
375
00:19:26,434 --> 00:19:28,402
You're not mad anymore?
376
00:19:28,436 --> 00:19:29,937
I'm fine. Fine.
377
00:19:29,971 --> 00:19:31,138
It's funny, but...
378
00:19:31,172 --> 00:19:33,974
hurting your feelings
made me feel better.
379
00:19:34,008 --> 00:19:35,909
Mm, try to forget that.
380
00:19:35,944 --> 00:19:38,178
But when I grow up,
I'll find other weird kids,
381
00:19:38,213 --> 00:19:41,448
and we will have the most
intense relationships ever.
382
00:19:41,482 --> 00:19:43,917
And I'll always
love you.
383
00:19:43,952 --> 00:19:45,185
Aw.
384
00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:47,054
Happy Mother's Day.
385
00:19:47,088 --> 00:19:49,723
Mother's Day?!
Mother's Day?! Crap!
386
00:19:51,194 --> 00:19:54,007
Okay, initially I was just
gonna be your friend
387
00:19:54,008 --> 00:19:55,642
till I could
afford a nice belt.
388
00:19:55,676 --> 00:19:57,177
But I like you, Lisa,
389
00:19:57,211 --> 00:19:59,446
and I want to keep
being friends with you.
390
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:00,981
Great. But from now on,
391
00:20:01,015 --> 00:20:03,717
we have to be totally honest
with each other.
392
00:20:03,751 --> 00:20:05,385
You're absolutely right.
393
00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:07,387
I'm not really a vegetarian.
394
00:20:07,422 --> 00:20:09,122
Have you ever tried horse meat?
395
00:20:09,157 --> 00:20:11,124
They eat it raw in Japan, and...
396
00:20:11,159 --> 00:20:16,159
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
397
00:20:59,624 --> 00:21:01,625
Shh!