1 00:00:25,048 --> 00:00:26,014 D'oh! 2 00:00:40,421 --> 00:00:44,421 ♪ The Simpsons 25x05 ♪ Labor Pains Original Air Date on November 17, 2013 3 00:00:44,446 --> 00:00:49,446 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 4 00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:06,955 Oh! 5 00:01:09,592 --> 00:01:12,227 Come on. Just pick one. 6 00:01:19,302 --> 00:01:21,737 Oh. Fine, you can have your old one. 7 00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,080 You can have one of these. 8 00:01:33,216 --> 00:01:34,950 Hmph! 9 00:01:34,984 --> 00:01:37,286 Did you know some historians think American football 10 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,555 is based on an ancient Aztec game? 11 00:01:39,589 --> 00:01:42,224 It's not American football, it's just football. 12 00:01:42,258 --> 00:01:44,426 Bart, you're not annoyed that Milhouse asked me 13 00:01:44,461 --> 00:01:47,496 to go to the American football game instead of you? 14 00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:50,098 Mom, Lisa's ruining football. American football. 15 00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:53,502 No time for breakfast, Marge. Just give me a banana. 16 00:01:57,307 --> 00:01:59,775 Now, listen. I have to work late tonight. 17 00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:06,582 Again? I was hoping you could spend some time with the kids. 18 00:02:06,616 --> 00:02:09,818 It's a tough economy. Money doesn't grow on trees. 19 00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:12,688 It grows on threes. 20 00:02:14,324 --> 00:02:15,357 Yeah, I'm out. 21 00:02:15,391 --> 00:02:16,358 Me, too. 22 00:02:16,392 --> 00:02:17,759 Too rich for my blood. 23 00:02:17,794 --> 00:02:19,495 I should not have anted with my blood. 24 00:02:20,663 --> 00:02:21,864 Whew. 25 00:02:21,898 --> 00:02:23,499 You got the touch tonight, Homer. 26 00:02:26,336 --> 00:02:28,637 Nice sunglasses, Lenny. 27 00:02:28,671 --> 00:02:30,339 Homer Simpson. 28 00:02:30,373 --> 00:02:32,875 Do you really want to keep cheating your friends, 29 00:02:32,909 --> 00:02:34,877 lying to your wife, and avoiding your kids? 30 00:02:34,911 --> 00:02:36,612 What would Jesus do? 31 00:02:36,646 --> 00:02:38,280 Hey, you gotta pay to find out. 32 00:02:38,314 --> 00:02:39,448 You looking for a tell? 33 00:02:39,482 --> 00:02:41,450 I don't have one, my friend. 34 00:02:41,484 --> 00:02:43,785 What? What are you lookin' at? 35 00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:45,521 I'd better call it a night, guys. 36 00:02:45,555 --> 00:02:48,023 I don't want to take any more of your money. 37 00:02:48,057 --> 00:02:51,527 Mm. Mm. Mm. 38 00:02:51,561 --> 00:02:53,462 Hmm. 39 00:02:53,496 --> 00:02:57,299 Who's president now, Alexander Hamilton? 40 00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,867 I think it's Obama. 41 00:03:01,404 --> 00:03:03,138 Hold the door, please. 42 00:03:03,172 --> 00:03:05,307 Two minutes apart. 43 00:03:05,341 --> 00:03:06,642 Timing the elevators, eh? Oh. 44 00:03:06,676 --> 00:03:08,143 Smart. Oh. 45 00:03:08,177 --> 00:03:09,578 No, no. 46 00:03:09,612 --> 00:03:11,346 I'm timing my contractions. 47 00:03:11,381 --> 00:03:12,748 I think I'm in labor. 48 00:03:12,782 --> 00:03:14,483 Deep in labor. 49 00:03:14,517 --> 00:03:17,119 Okay, okay, no worries. 50 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,687 What the...? Oh! 51 00:03:18,721 --> 00:03:20,856 Do you have a cell phone? 52 00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:23,725 Everyone has a cell phone. Mine's at home. 53 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,895 The most beautiful moment of my life is happening now. 54 00:03:29,265 --> 00:03:30,499 Everything will be fine. 55 00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:33,068 Um...Oh you, uh, you like movies? 56 00:03:33,102 --> 00:03:35,056 This reminds me of that scene in Alien. 57 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:35,971 What? 58 00:03:35,972 --> 00:03:38,907 The scene where she escapes with the cat at the end. 59 00:03:38,942 --> 00:03:40,742 Aw, well, that's sweet. 60 00:03:40,777 --> 00:03:43,412 Listen, I'm glad I'm not going through this alone. 61 00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,414 I haven't seen my boyfriend in months. 62 00:03:45,448 --> 00:03:48,550 Oh, uh, he was just here. 63 00:03:48,585 --> 00:03:49,918 No, he wasn't. 64 00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:51,119 But thanks for lying. 65 00:03:51,154 --> 00:03:52,921 You like lies? Here's a few: 66 00:03:52,956 --> 00:03:55,724 College is expensive but it's worth it. 67 00:03:55,758 --> 00:03:57,359 I think the baby's coming. 68 00:03:57,393 --> 00:03:59,728 Okay Homer, remember your Lamaze training. 69 00:03:59,762 --> 00:04:02,598 Now, this next position is fantastic 70 00:04:02,632 --> 00:04:05,701 for women who are carrying especially big. 71 00:04:05,735 --> 00:04:07,469 Homer, can you demonstrate? 72 00:04:07,503 --> 00:04:09,104 Mm-hmm. 73 00:04:09,138 --> 00:04:10,372 Mm... 74 00:04:10,406 --> 00:04:13,875 Oh. Yeah, wow, that does feel good. 75 00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:15,377 Oh, no, I think it's coming. 76 00:04:15,411 --> 00:04:17,746 Oh, I haven't even picked a name yet. 77 00:04:17,780 --> 00:04:20,048 You did this to me. 78 00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:21,049 No, I didn't. 79 00:04:21,084 --> 00:04:22,484 I'm talking to the baby. 80 00:04:22,518 --> 00:04:24,886 Here it comes. 81 00:04:24,921 --> 00:04:27,089 Um, I don't know how to tell you this, 82 00:04:27,123 --> 00:04:30,125 but your baby doesn't have any legs. What? 83 00:04:30,159 --> 00:04:31,326 Oh, wait, there's more. 84 00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:32,494 Mm. 85 00:04:34,097 --> 00:04:35,330 It's a dude. 86 00:04:35,365 --> 00:04:37,132 And he's uncut. 87 00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:38,667 Very Euro. 88 00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:40,302 Now, hug your mommy. 89 00:04:40,336 --> 00:04:43,271 For unto you is born this day, in this elevator, 90 00:04:43,306 --> 00:04:45,741 inspected in August 2009, 91 00:04:45,775 --> 00:04:47,376 a baby. 92 00:04:49,812 --> 00:04:52,447 Well, it was nice to share this moment 93 00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:53,915 with someone who cared. 94 00:04:53,950 --> 00:04:56,652 Yeah, that guy didn't even look over once. 95 00:04:56,686 --> 00:04:58,553 Lobby please. 96 00:05:02,058 --> 00:05:04,192 How was work? 97 00:05:04,227 --> 00:05:05,627 Miraculous. 98 00:05:05,662 --> 00:05:06,662 Mm? 99 00:05:06,696 --> 00:05:09,164 Mothers are so awesome. 100 00:05:09,198 --> 00:05:10,365 Oh. 101 00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:13,602 These are great seats. 102 00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:15,504 You can hear the players swear from up here. 103 00:05:15,538 --> 00:05:18,340 I'll kick your ass, Milhouse. 104 00:05:18,374 --> 00:05:21,043 And now, to take your minds off the massive concussion 105 00:05:21,077 --> 00:05:23,345 and subdural hematoma you just witnessed, 106 00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:28,050 please welcome the Springfield Atomettes. 107 00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:31,186 Now, for this routine, we need the help 108 00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,422 of a junior Atomette. 109 00:05:37,193 --> 00:05:39,194 They're picking me, Dad. 110 00:05:39,228 --> 00:05:41,663 Don't call me "Dad." If people think peanut vendors 111 00:05:41,698 --> 00:05:43,331 have families, it's too sad. 112 00:05:43,366 --> 00:05:45,400 Looks like we've got a volunteer... 113 00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:48,437 right there. 114 00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:52,641 Look, while I'd like to help, 115 00:05:52,675 --> 00:05:55,310 I'm kind of pessimistic about the team's chances. 116 00:05:55,344 --> 00:05:57,879 They're gonna get creamed. 117 00:05:57,914 --> 00:06:00,048 Go, go, go! 118 00:06:02,151 --> 00:06:03,719 Mm? 119 00:06:04,987 --> 00:06:07,022 Uh... 120 00:06:14,297 --> 00:06:16,364 I'm dating a cheerleader. 121 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:17,866 No, you're not. 122 00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,469 Burned again, Milhouse. 123 00:06:23,573 --> 00:06:26,208 Wow, that was great. 124 00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:28,710 Can I have my regular clothes back, please? 125 00:06:28,745 --> 00:06:31,346 No... problem. 126 00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:32,614 Great job, ladies. 127 00:06:32,648 --> 00:06:34,583 Now here's your 50 bucks each 128 00:06:34,617 --> 00:06:37,953 which should just about cover your parking. 129 00:06:37,987 --> 00:06:40,055 I can't believe he pays you so little. 130 00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:42,390 The crowd was crazy about you. 131 00:06:42,425 --> 00:06:44,726 I know, but what are we gonna do about it? 132 00:06:44,761 --> 00:06:47,095 If we pipe up they'll put us in the mascot costume. 133 00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:48,597 Ew. 134 00:06:48,631 --> 00:06:51,666 After you wear that, you need to be hosed down for bedbugs. 135 00:06:53,569 --> 00:06:55,704 Good game, everyone. I never dreamed 136 00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:57,639 a night where you discovered I was cheating 137 00:06:57,673 --> 00:07:00,742 and beat the crap out of me could end on such an up note. 138 00:07:00,777 --> 00:07:01,943 See you next week. 139 00:07:02,979 --> 00:07:04,379 Homer. 140 00:07:04,413 --> 00:07:06,481 Hmm? Hey, Gretchen. 141 00:07:06,516 --> 00:07:08,450 I had your jacket cleaned. 142 00:07:08,484 --> 00:07:10,385 Good as new. And thanks for loaning me 143 00:07:10,419 --> 00:07:12,053 your sweater for the ride home. 144 00:07:12,088 --> 00:07:14,289 It may be a little stretched out. 145 00:07:14,323 --> 00:07:16,625 Geez, that was a pregnancy sweater. 146 00:07:16,659 --> 00:07:19,628 So, you want to hold little Homer? 147 00:07:19,662 --> 00:07:22,964 Wow, so nw there's two things named after me-- 148 00:07:22,999 --> 00:07:27,169 a baby, and a law banning air horns after 3:00 a.m. 149 00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:31,072 Aw that's sweet. 150 00:07:38,217 --> 00:07:39,684 Read 'em and weep. 151 00:07:39,718 --> 00:07:41,786 The novels of Charlotte Bronte. 152 00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,355 Um, I thought we were playing cards. 153 00:07:47,659 --> 00:07:48,960 Uh, hey. 154 00:07:48,994 --> 00:07:50,628 I was just driving by 155 00:07:50,662 --> 00:07:53,197 with some baby stuff we didn't need 156 00:07:53,232 --> 00:07:56,300 and, uh, well, here's some diapers Maggie's too big for, 157 00:07:56,335 --> 00:08:01,038 and an incredible educational toy I forgot to give Bart. 158 00:08:01,073 --> 00:08:04,408 Thanks. Hey, could you babysit for an hour? 159 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,310 I've been alone with the baby for days. 160 00:08:06,345 --> 00:08:07,979 Wow, I'd love to help, 161 00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:10,915 but I did kind of have plans for tonight. 162 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,984 No, you can't leave. I'm dealin' you in. 163 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,753 Full house? 164 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,389 You win again? 165 00:08:18,423 --> 00:08:21,459 I think I'll be good tonight and stay in with you. 166 00:08:22,861 --> 00:08:27,865 ♪ Baby, baby, please let me hold him ♪ 167 00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,567 Where's Hoju? 168 00:08:29,601 --> 00:08:31,335 Where's Hoju? 169 00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:33,571 Where's Hoju? 170 00:08:33,605 --> 00:08:35,573 Where's Hoju? 171 00:08:35,607 --> 00:08:37,341 Where's Hoju?! 172 00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:39,310 ♪ We want to make him stay up all night ♪ 173 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,178 ♪ Yeah, we do. 174 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,222 ♪ Itchy and Scratchy show. 175 00:08:52,624 --> 00:08:56,427 ♪ A child arrived just the other day ♪ 176 00:08:56,461 --> 00:08:57,762 ♪ He came to the world in the usual way ♪ 177 00:08:57,796 --> 00:09:00,531 ♪ But there were planes to catch ♪ 178 00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:01,766 ♪ And bills to pay 179 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,402 ♪ He learned to walk while I was away ♪ 180 00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:07,538 ♪ And he was talking 'fore I knew it ♪ 181 00:09:07,572 --> 00:09:11,309 ♪ And as he grew, he'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad" ♪ 182 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,944 ♪ "You know I'm gonna be like you" ♪ 183 00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:18,616 ♪ And the cat's in the cradle... ♪ 184 00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:23,054 Kids blow up so fast. 185 00:09:25,657 --> 00:09:27,825 Oh! Homie? 186 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,394 Aw, you're shopping ahead for Maggie. 187 00:09:30,429 --> 00:09:32,096 Oh, no, I'm shopping for Homer Jr., 188 00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:33,764 a baby I delivered in an elevator 189 00:09:33,799 --> 00:09:35,633 the night I pretended to go to work 190 00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:36,967 but was really playing poker. 191 00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:38,235 What?! 192 00:09:40,138 --> 00:09:42,306 This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, 193 00:09:42,341 --> 00:09:44,241 a subsidiary of your penis. 194 00:09:44,276 --> 00:09:48,245 Oh, yes, I'm shopping for Maggie, our baby together, 195 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,147 so this looks perfectly innocent. 196 00:09:50,182 --> 00:09:51,949 Why are you saying that? 197 00:09:51,983 --> 00:09:54,185 Oh, you know how the first few weeks are: 198 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,921 sleep deprived, walking around in a fog. 199 00:09:56,955 --> 00:09:59,090 First few weeks of what? 200 00:09:59,124 --> 00:10:00,491 Um, November. 201 00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:05,429 Hey, Atomette. 202 00:10:05,464 --> 00:10:07,198 I want to say... Caitlin? 203 00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,100 Lisa. Guys, do you realize 204 00:10:09,134 --> 00:10:11,035 you're being exploited by this team? 205 00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,837 Wha...? 206 00:10:12,871 --> 00:10:14,438 They sell your posters, 207 00:10:14,473 --> 00:10:15,606 workout DVDs, 208 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,774 and all of your practices 209 00:10:16,808 --> 00:10:18,409 are broadcast on a webcam. 210 00:10:24,149 --> 00:10:25,783 And some of the angles 211 00:10:25,817 --> 00:10:28,119 are low. 212 00:10:28,153 --> 00:10:30,020 But don't worry, collective bargaining 213 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:32,289 will enable us to secure concessions. 214 00:10:33,558 --> 00:10:36,527 Uh, we're gonna push 'em back, 215 00:10:36,561 --> 00:10:39,463 push 'em back, push 'em way, way back. 216 00:10:39,498 --> 00:10:41,198 All the way to a new contract. 217 00:10:41,233 --> 00:10:43,167 'Cause union power is a fact. 218 00:10:43,201 --> 00:10:44,869 And we're... 219 00:10:44,903 --> 00:10:46,337 Okay, okay, we get it. 220 00:10:46,371 --> 00:10:48,305 Well, look who's here. 221 00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:51,308 You been hit by the cheerleading bug, little lady? 222 00:10:51,343 --> 00:10:55,045 Actually, I've been hit by the unfair labor practices bug. 223 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,349 What? Why, that's Samuel Gompers talk. 224 00:10:58,383 --> 00:11:02,052 Now, little missy, the only thing you should be organizin' 225 00:11:02,087 --> 00:11:03,554 is your dollies. 226 00:11:03,588 --> 00:11:06,891 How? By size, brand, value? 227 00:11:06,925 --> 00:11:09,226 And don't even suggest race, 'cause I don't see that. 228 00:11:09,261 --> 00:11:11,061 I just see little people I own. 229 00:11:11,096 --> 00:11:12,329 What do you say, ladies? 230 00:11:14,099 --> 00:11:16,066 Not right, not fair. 231 00:11:16,101 --> 00:11:18,135 Let's say it with our hair. 232 00:11:23,041 --> 00:11:24,542 Okay, fine. 233 00:11:24,576 --> 00:11:26,210 I'm gonna give it some thought, 234 00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:29,079 then say no in the nicest way possible. 235 00:11:29,114 --> 00:11:31,115 No. 236 00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:38,022 Oh, good. 237 00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,723 Nice. 238 00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,125 "Beat Dallas." 239 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,761 Can never argue with that. 240 00:11:43,795 --> 00:11:48,232 Hey, ladies. My vest isn't the only thing that's ripped. 241 00:11:48,266 --> 00:11:50,768 I am in the market for a backup mistress. 242 00:11:50,802 --> 00:11:52,136 Possibly two. 243 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,038 Have you kids seen your father? 244 00:11:54,072 --> 00:11:57,141 Surprised he's not here ogling these girls. 245 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,642 He said he was going to work. 246 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,611 On a Friday afternoon? 247 00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:03,447 I bet he's playing poker again. 248 00:12:03,482 --> 00:12:04,548 Coming through. 249 00:12:04,583 --> 00:12:06,116 Wife on a mission. 250 00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:07,618 Go, fight, win. 251 00:12:07,652 --> 00:12:08,752 Marge. 252 00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,990 Wow, I've never burst through a banner before, 253 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,192 but it really does the trick. 254 00:12:16,461 --> 00:12:18,896 Homer, I know you're here. 255 00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:20,498 Your car's outside. 256 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,266 Where is he? 257 00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,934 I honestly don't know. 258 00:12:23,969 --> 00:12:26,971 I'm just teaching myself massage here with online videos 259 00:12:27,005 --> 00:12:28,105 and a store mannequin. 260 00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:31,175 Oh, I'm so sorry. 261 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,511 So, do you have any injuries I should know about? 262 00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:34,745 Oh! 263 00:12:34,779 --> 00:12:37,147 Hmm, if he's not in there, where is he? 264 00:12:37,182 --> 00:12:38,849 Oh, baby. 265 00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,352 Oh, baby, shake it. Homer like. 266 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,754 Oh. 267 00:12:43,788 --> 00:12:46,423 Shake it. Now, roll over on your tummy, 268 00:12:46,458 --> 00:12:47,758 just like I taught you. 269 00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:49,927 Tell me what a cow says. 270 00:12:51,463 --> 00:12:53,497 Aah! My other baby mama. 271 00:12:53,532 --> 00:12:55,666 So this is where you've been going. 272 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,168 Another woman's apartment. 273 00:12:58,203 --> 00:13:00,004 Marge, it's not what you think. 274 00:13:00,038 --> 00:13:01,939 Quiet. You're upsetting Homer Jr. 275 00:13:01,973 --> 00:13:04,441 You have a baby together? 276 00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:05,676 Oh, it's cool. 277 00:13:05,710 --> 00:13:07,478 We did it in an elevator. 278 00:13:07,512 --> 00:13:10,180 I'm a Schwarzenegger wife. 279 00:13:10,215 --> 00:13:13,150 But you're also the housekeeper, so it's all good. 280 00:13:13,184 --> 00:13:14,218 It's not good. 281 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,719 None of it's good. 282 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,688 I haven't had a drink for a week. 283 00:13:17,722 --> 00:13:19,123 That is pretty good. 284 00:13:22,396 --> 00:13:24,917 So then you delivered her baby 285 00:13:24,918 --> 00:13:27,720 right there in the elevator. It's true. 286 00:13:27,754 --> 00:13:30,222 Even the other guy in the elevator-- he's right here. 287 00:13:30,257 --> 00:13:32,591 And the really funny thing is I'm a doctor. 288 00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:36,328 Well, I'm glad you did a good deed, 289 00:13:36,363 --> 00:13:38,264 but you shouldn't come here again. 290 00:13:38,298 --> 00:13:40,799 I thought that was strange poop on your collar. 291 00:13:42,202 --> 00:13:43,669 Good-bye, Homer Jr. 292 00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:45,771 I guess you're the man of the house now. 293 00:13:45,805 --> 00:13:47,072 And never forget, 294 00:13:47,107 --> 00:13:49,408 even though the mortgage is due on the first, 295 00:13:49,442 --> 00:13:52,344 you can usually wait till the 17th. 296 00:13:55,115 --> 00:13:57,283 You know what? 297 00:13:57,317 --> 00:14:00,352 I think it's fine if Homer spends a few hours 298 00:14:00,387 --> 00:14:01,920 now and then with... 299 00:14:01,955 --> 00:14:03,789 Homer Jr. 300 00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:05,190 Exactly. 301 00:14:05,225 --> 00:14:07,326 You always said charity begins at home. 302 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,794 But not which home. 303 00:14:08,828 --> 00:14:11,797 It's true, I never specified the home. 304 00:14:11,831 --> 00:14:13,799 ♪ There's a great and a bloody fight ♪ 305 00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:15,534 ♪ 'Round this whole world tonight ♪ 306 00:14:15,568 --> 00:14:18,437 ♪ And the battle, the bombs and shrapnel reign ♪ 307 00:14:18,471 --> 00:14:20,472 ♪ Hitler told the world around 308 00:14:20,507 --> 00:14:22,007 ♪ He would tear our union down ♪ 309 00:14:22,042 --> 00:14:25,210 ♪ But our union's gonna break them slavery chains ♪ 310 00:14:25,245 --> 00:14:29,148 ♪ Our union's gonna break them slavery chains ♪ 311 00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:35,554 ♪ I walked up on a mountain in the middle of the sky ♪ 312 00:14:35,588 --> 00:14:38,490 ♪ Could see every farm and every town ♪ 313 00:14:38,525 --> 00:14:41,460 ♪ I could see all the people in this whole wide world ♪ 314 00:14:41,494 --> 00:14:45,864 ♪ That's the union that'll tear the fascists down, down, down. ♪ 315 00:14:45,899 --> 00:14:49,234 Now to sing you a lullaby my father sung to me. 316 00:14:49,269 --> 00:14:51,570 ♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep ♪ 317 00:14:51,604 --> 00:14:54,440 ♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. ♪ 318 00:14:58,745 --> 00:15:02,348 Oh, man, I really overdid it tonight. 319 00:15:02,382 --> 00:15:03,849 Late night at Moe's, eh? 320 00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:05,751 No, I'm exhausted from 321 00:15:05,785 --> 00:15:08,253 ♪ Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. ♪ 322 00:15:08,288 --> 00:15:10,222 It's the toes that get you, Marge. 323 00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:11,557 It's the toes. 324 00:15:11,591 --> 00:15:13,225 What about your own children? 325 00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:16,095 Way ahead of you, Marge, I'm taking all four 326 00:15:16,129 --> 00:15:18,030 of my kids to the zoo tomorrow. 327 00:15:18,064 --> 00:15:19,231 Three. 328 00:15:19,265 --> 00:15:20,566 Yes, we'll be back by 3:00. 329 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,434 Homer has a very tight nap schedule. 330 00:15:22,469 --> 00:15:24,703 Quit talking about that baby. 331 00:15:24,738 --> 00:15:27,272 I was talking about myself in the third person. 332 00:15:27,307 --> 00:15:28,841 Oh. 333 00:15:29,609 --> 00:15:31,677 We can't take much more of this, Lisa. 334 00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:34,580 The girls are getting so antsy they'll cheer anything. 335 00:15:34,614 --> 00:15:36,949 You're the greatest generation, 336 00:15:36,983 --> 00:15:39,518 worthy of our veneration. 337 00:15:39,552 --> 00:15:42,020 Go Grampa! 338 00:15:42,055 --> 00:15:45,791 If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match? 339 00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:50,763 Okay, I give up. 340 00:15:50,797 --> 00:15:54,099 I'm gonna do what we secretly did at the Alamo-- 341 00:15:54,134 --> 00:15:55,401 surrender. 342 00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:59,071 While you're at it, how about a little boost 343 00:15:59,105 --> 00:16:00,572 for peanut vendors? 344 00:16:00,607 --> 00:16:03,909 What do you think I'm taking their raise out of? 345 00:16:10,517 --> 00:16:12,284 I wanted you all to be happy together, 346 00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:13,752 so I brought you to the zoo 347 00:16:13,787 --> 00:16:16,655 where all the animals live in harmony. 348 00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:24,129 Okay, guys, I got your ice creams. 349 00:16:27,434 --> 00:16:29,001 Hey, ah, ah, ah. 350 00:16:29,035 --> 00:16:31,937 Now, Maggie, we don't hurt each other in this family. 351 00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:33,572 Are you nuts? 352 00:16:33,606 --> 00:16:35,507 You can't even kiss me good night without slicing me 353 00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,476 with your stubble. Why you little... 354 00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,578 I'll give you a good-night kiss you'll never forget. 355 00:16:39,612 --> 00:16:40,813 Come here, you. 356 00:16:40,847 --> 00:16:42,548 Aah, ooh, ah! 357 00:16:42,582 --> 00:16:44,983 Ah! Ow! Yeah! 358 00:16:45,018 --> 00:16:49,354 Dad, we're missing the giant capybaras of Uruguay. 359 00:16:52,125 --> 00:16:54,493 Okay, I know what'll cheer you kids up. 360 00:16:54,527 --> 00:16:57,095 Seeing me out-monkey the monkeys. 361 00:17:02,035 --> 00:17:04,369 I have a soul and you guys don't. 362 00:17:05,505 --> 00:17:07,372 Aah! Monkeys! 363 00:17:17,884 --> 00:17:20,052 Dad, Maggie's rolling away. 364 00:17:20,086 --> 00:17:22,187 She's heading for Prairie Dog Village. 365 00:17:22,222 --> 00:17:23,689 If they get her in their warrens, 366 00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:25,424 we'll never see her again. 367 00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:28,627 Look, shiny keys. 368 00:17:28,661 --> 00:17:29,695 Jingle jangle. 369 00:17:29,729 --> 00:17:32,231 Stupid monkeys. 370 00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:40,372 That's it, Maggie, use the Dino-Wand. 371 00:17:48,882 --> 00:17:52,985 This is the last time you'll see that elevator baby. 372 00:17:53,019 --> 00:17:55,654 I'm sorry, Homer Jr. 373 00:17:55,688 --> 00:17:58,557 You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart 374 00:17:58,591 --> 00:18:01,860 that no one can ever quite fill. 375 00:18:04,797 --> 00:18:07,900 Therapy, please. Me, too. 376 00:18:07,934 --> 00:18:10,168 Okay, I've got to impart all my fatherly advice 377 00:18:10,203 --> 00:18:11,703 in this one walk. 378 00:18:11,738 --> 00:18:14,840 The sky is blue, but nobody really knows why. 379 00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:16,542 Don't believe what they tell you. 380 00:18:16,576 --> 00:18:18,610 Girls are great and terrible at the same time. 381 00:18:18,645 --> 00:18:20,078 Get used to it. 382 00:18:20,113 --> 00:18:22,381 And, most importantly... Oops, we're here. 383 00:18:22,415 --> 00:18:24,550 You'll have to figure it out on your own. 384 00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:28,453 Sorry, little fella. One day I'll be that guy 385 00:18:28,488 --> 00:18:31,023 who comes to your wedding, makes you feel a little weird, 386 00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:32,457 and then runs away. 387 00:18:32,492 --> 00:18:33,759 Homer, great news. 388 00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:35,193 Chase came back. 389 00:18:35,228 --> 00:18:36,962 Who's Chase? 390 00:18:36,996 --> 00:18:38,430 Homer Jr.'s father. 391 00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:41,567 Oh, my God, is that my son? 392 00:18:41,601 --> 00:18:43,035 You didn't tell me he was a soldier. 393 00:18:43,069 --> 00:18:44,970 You didn't tell me you were pregnant. 394 00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:47,139 I didn't want you to marry me because I was pregnant. 395 00:18:47,173 --> 00:18:49,408 I wanted you to marry me because I was nagging you. 396 00:18:51,010 --> 00:18:53,745 Um, he likes it if you tickle his toes. 397 00:18:53,780 --> 00:18:55,547 Dude, he's my kid. He likes what I like. 398 00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:57,249 But n-n-n-nurture. 399 00:18:57,283 --> 00:18:59,451 Gretch, I think he's got my calves. 400 00:18:59,485 --> 00:19:01,253 He does, baby, he does. 401 00:19:01,287 --> 00:19:03,589 Can I just say good-bye to him quick? 402 00:19:03,623 --> 00:19:04,590 Sure. 403 00:19:04,624 --> 00:19:06,391 I guess this is it, little guy. 404 00:19:06,426 --> 00:19:07,356 Da-da. 405 00:19:07,381 --> 00:19:10,420 The most beautiful words a father can hear. 406 00:19:10,463 --> 00:19:13,498 Da-da. Da-da. Oh. 407 00:19:13,533 --> 00:19:15,767 Hey, one day you'll have kids of your own. 408 00:19:15,802 --> 00:19:16,811 I do. 409 00:19:16,836 --> 00:19:19,511 Really? Then this is much creepier than I thought. 410 00:19:19,639 --> 00:19:20,973 Much. 411 00:19:22,408 --> 00:19:24,610 Shouldn't have bet his door if he didn't want to lose it. 412 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,487 Hi, Maggie. If you could talk, 413 00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:38,557 I know you'd have a few choice words for me. 414 00:19:40,393 --> 00:19:43,762 You want me to take care of your dolly? 415 00:19:43,796 --> 00:19:47,532 That's the sweetest thing any baby has ever done for me. 416 00:20:00,569 --> 00:20:02,202 Honey, you know where the bottle opener is? 417 00:20:02,237 --> 00:20:03,737 I think it's in the drawer. 418 00:20:05,173 --> 00:20:06,707 Whoa, little dude. 419 00:20:06,741 --> 00:20:07,942 Where did you learn that? 420 00:20:12,714 --> 00:20:16,050 This is what we're fighting for, babe. 421 00:20:17,852 --> 00:20:19,954 Hey, what's this marching band have to do with Homer Jr.? 422 00:20:19,988 --> 00:20:21,422 What?! 423 00:20:21,456 --> 00:20:24,391 There were cheerleaders in our house and nobody told me? 424 00:20:26,428 --> 00:20:31,428 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 425 00:21:02,456 --> 00:21:03,548 Shh!