1 00:00:25,176 --> 00:00:29,176 ♪ The Simpsons 25x06 ♪ The Kid Is All Right Original Air Date on November 24, 2013 2 00:00:32,418 --> 00:00:37,418 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 3 00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:14,528 ♪ One is the loneliest number 4 00:02:14,562 --> 00:02:17,497 ♪ That you'll ever do 5 00:02:17,532 --> 00:02:21,134 ♪ Two can be as bad as one 6 00:02:21,169 --> 00:02:25,138 ♪ It's the loneliest number since the number one ♪ 7 00:02:25,173 --> 00:02:31,645 ♪ No is the saddest experience you'll ever know ♪ 8 00:02:31,679 --> 00:02:36,183 ♪ Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know ♪ 9 00:02:37,885 --> 00:02:44,191 ♪ 'Cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do ♪ 10 00:02:44,225 --> 00:02:49,830 ♪ One is the loneliest number, worse than two ♪ 11 00:02:49,864 --> 00:02:51,031 ♪ And one... 12 00:02:51,065 --> 00:02:53,066 You know, I really think I've made my point. 13 00:02:54,369 --> 00:02:57,504 Oh, the rain has washed away the playground shed! 14 00:02:57,538 --> 00:02:59,906 I'm being chased by sports! 15 00:02:59,941 --> 00:03:02,976 It's called "precipitation," 'cause it never fails 16 00:03:03,011 --> 00:03:04,511 to precipitate unruly behavior. 17 00:03:06,381 --> 00:03:09,016 And saddest of all, those who do not have a friend 18 00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:10,417 to play with in the rain, 19 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:13,820 doomed to get only single pneumonia. 20 00:03:19,027 --> 00:03:20,427 A spit wad? 21 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:23,063 Well, at least I'm getting some attention. 22 00:03:24,732 --> 00:03:26,366 And the best part is I'm bombarding her 23 00:03:26,401 --> 00:03:27,367 with her own homework. 24 00:03:41,215 --> 00:03:42,916 Begone! 25 00:03:46,287 --> 00:03:49,022 Well, you're never alone surrounded by... 26 00:03:49,057 --> 00:03:51,525 The Autobiography of Charles Manson? 27 00:03:55,396 --> 00:03:56,396 Hmm. 28 00:03:58,232 --> 00:04:00,801 Huh? 29 00:04:00,835 --> 00:04:02,536 Hi. New kid, second grade. 30 00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:03,670 Don't you love the rain? 31 00:04:03,705 --> 00:04:05,138 New kid? 32 00:04:05,173 --> 00:04:07,107 Uh, have you made any friends? 33 00:04:07,141 --> 00:04:08,575 Just Charlotte,. 34 00:04:08,609 --> 00:04:11,445 That's a reference to the Bronte sisters! 35 00:04:11,479 --> 00:04:13,947 You got my reference to the Bronte sisters?! 36 00:04:13,981 --> 00:04:15,549 Nice to meet you, Lisa Simpson. 37 00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:17,584 How do you know my name? 38 00:04:17,618 --> 00:04:19,419 I deciphered the anagrams on your notebook. 39 00:04:19,454 --> 00:04:20,754 Oh. 40 00:04:20,788 --> 00:04:22,556 Be Lisa? 41 00:04:25,893 --> 00:04:27,260 Isabel! 42 00:04:30,631 --> 00:04:32,065 Ooh, spaghetti. 43 00:04:36,838 --> 00:04:38,338 Y'ello! 44 00:04:38,373 --> 00:04:41,241 Lisa, you got a call from someone named Isabel. 45 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,745 May I ask what this is regarding? 46 00:04:44,779 --> 00:04:47,848 Ooh! A budding new friendship? Oh! 47 00:04:47,882 --> 00:04:50,083 Boy, how come you can't get a new friend? 48 00:04:50,118 --> 00:04:51,585 What's wrong with the one I got? 49 00:04:51,619 --> 00:04:54,354 I finally got that M&M out of my inner ear. 50 00:04:54,389 --> 00:04:57,791 I remembered correctly; it was a green one! 51 00:04:57,825 --> 00:05:00,127 Don't eat it. It's been in his ear. 52 00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:02,129 Don't eat it.It's been in his ear. 53 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:08,902 Don't eat it. It's been in the boy's ear and the dog's mouth. 54 00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:10,804 Don't eat it. 55 00:05:10,838 --> 00:05:13,774 Oh, for God's sake! 56 00:05:13,808 --> 00:05:16,343 And don't you hate being the middle child? 57 00:05:16,377 --> 00:05:19,379 Yeah. In the car, I always have to sit on the hump. 58 00:05:19,414 --> 00:05:20,680 It makes reading impossible. 59 00:05:20,715 --> 00:05:23,417 Lisa, your food's getting cold! 60 00:05:23,451 --> 00:05:25,919 It's raw veggies. They're supposed to be cold! 61 00:05:25,953 --> 00:05:29,055 Well, someone who loves you put melted butter on them! 62 00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:30,557 Thank you, Mr. Bergstrom. 63 00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,526 I'll tell Lisa you dropped by. 64 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:33,427 I better go. 65 00:05:33,461 --> 00:05:35,295 Okay, but one more thing: 66 00:05:35,329 --> 00:05:36,930 I noticed we're both doing presentations 67 00:05:36,964 --> 00:05:39,499 on Franklin Roosevelt at school. Why don't we do them together? 68 00:05:39,534 --> 00:05:43,437 Oh, my God. Someone wants to be my partner. 69 00:05:43,471 --> 00:05:45,472 Can't screw this up. 70 00:05:45,506 --> 00:05:48,175 Downloading, downloading, downloading, 71 00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:49,376 downloading, downloading... 72 00:05:51,946 --> 00:05:53,079 Whoo-hoo! 73 00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:58,251 Franklin Roosevelt bravely instituted 74 00:05:58,286 --> 00:06:00,987 a series of reforms called the New Deal. 75 00:06:01,022 --> 00:06:02,422 Which ran totally counter 76 00:06:02,457 --> 00:06:04,825 to America's tradition of limited government. 77 00:06:04,859 --> 00:06:07,127 P.S. It was also unconstitutional. 78 00:06:07,161 --> 00:06:08,628 Oh? 79 00:06:08,663 --> 00:06:11,798 Um, FDR's steadfast leadership 80 00:06:11,833 --> 00:06:14,367 also helped America win World War Two. 81 00:06:14,402 --> 00:06:17,237 Until the weak-kneed Democrats sold us out at Yalta. 82 00:06:17,271 --> 00:06:19,873 If you haven't guessed, Lisa, I'm a Republican. 83 00:06:19,907 --> 00:06:21,274 A Lincoln Republican? 84 00:06:21,309 --> 00:06:22,042 Not really. 85 00:06:22,076 --> 00:06:23,243 A Reagan Republican? 86 00:06:23,277 --> 00:06:24,244 Keep going. 87 00:06:24,278 --> 00:06:25,245 First President Bush? 88 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:26,480 Getting there. Oh, dear God. 89 00:06:31,501 --> 00:06:33,736 I must say, Lisa, 90 00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:36,305 it was amusing to see you thoroughly de-high-horsed. 91 00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:38,307 That isn't a word. 92 00:06:38,342 --> 00:06:40,776 Ooh, back on the saddle she climbs. 93 00:06:40,811 --> 00:06:42,578 I just can't believe someone like you 94 00:06:42,612 --> 00:06:43,813 would be a Republican. 95 00:06:43,847 --> 00:06:46,349 I mean, isn't your last name Gutiérrez? 96 00:06:46,383 --> 00:06:48,317 Just what exactly are you saying? 97 00:06:48,352 --> 00:06:50,686 I'm just saying that people of your heritage-- 98 00:06:50,721 --> 00:06:53,255 which could be any one of many heritages, 99 00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:54,991 I'm not pigeonholing... 100 00:06:55,826 --> 00:06:57,493 Is it a Catholic thing? 101 00:06:57,527 --> 00:06:59,562 I'm a non-observant Jew from Argentina. 102 00:06:59,596 --> 00:07:00,563 Ay, caramba! 103 00:07:00,597 --> 00:07:02,164 Do you even know what that means? 104 00:07:02,199 --> 00:07:04,467 Uh, there-there's a caramba in my eye? 105 00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:06,669 It's the Spanish version of "hot damn." 106 00:07:06,703 --> 00:07:08,170 Ay, caramba! 107 00:07:08,205 --> 00:07:11,640 Hmm? Lisa, is everything okay? 108 00:07:11,675 --> 00:07:13,442 Yes. Why? 109 00:07:13,477 --> 00:07:14,810 Because you're doing your homework 110 00:07:14,845 --> 00:07:16,178 and you don't look happy. 111 00:07:16,213 --> 00:07:19,215 My new best friend isn't what I thought. 112 00:07:19,249 --> 00:07:21,384 She's a... Republican! 113 00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:24,320 What is so funny? 114 00:07:24,354 --> 00:07:25,621 They're destroying the world! 115 00:07:25,655 --> 00:07:26,889 They are, huh? 116 00:07:26,923 --> 00:07:28,491 I thought I'd show you this 117 00:07:28,525 --> 00:07:29,925 when you were older, but... 118 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,395 You voted for Reagan?! 119 00:07:32,429 --> 00:07:35,364 It was a crazy time, the '80s. 120 00:07:35,399 --> 00:07:38,267 You don't hear me listening to the Thompson Twins anymore. 121 00:07:38,301 --> 00:07:40,403 Although... 122 00:07:45,876 --> 00:07:48,677 ♪ Hold me now... 123 00:07:48,712 --> 00:07:51,147 So, you were going through a phase? 124 00:07:51,181 --> 00:07:52,281 Mm-hmm. 125 00:07:52,315 --> 00:07:54,884 All right, '80s party! Where's the beef? 126 00:07:54,918 --> 00:07:56,285 Tear down that wall! 127 00:07:56,319 --> 00:08:00,022 Because I think the beef is behind that wall! 128 00:08:00,057 --> 00:08:02,425 Hmm. 129 00:08:02,459 --> 00:08:03,626 Hmm. 130 00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:05,928 ♪ You say I'm a dreamer... 131 00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:08,798 Now get up here, boy! 132 00:08:08,832 --> 00:08:11,100 We're gonna do "The Super Bowl Shuffle." 133 00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:13,002 No! You never let me be Mike Singletary! 134 00:08:13,036 --> 00:08:14,537 Fine. You're Mike Singletary. 135 00:08:14,571 --> 00:08:16,605 Enjoy your mediocre coaching career. 136 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,974 ♪ My name is Homer, I'm a real fullback ♪ 137 00:08:19,009 --> 00:08:21,177 ♪ Gonna run that ball, don't want no flack ♪ 138 00:08:21,211 --> 00:08:23,846 ♪ If you try to run, you'll get a heart attack ♪ 139 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,682 Why you little...! 140 00:08:26,716 --> 00:08:28,717 ♪ Hey, big man, don't want no trouble ♪ 141 00:08:28,752 --> 00:08:31,854 ♪ I'm just here to do "The Super Bowl... ♪ 142 00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:33,622 ♪ Shuffle..." 143 00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:36,258 Excuse me. 144 00:08:36,293 --> 00:08:38,627 People's views change. 145 00:08:38,662 --> 00:08:41,063 Bobby Kennedy worked for Joe McCarthy. 146 00:08:41,098 --> 00:08:42,865 Larry David was on Fridays. 147 00:08:42,899 --> 00:08:44,266 What are you trying to say? 148 00:08:44,301 --> 00:08:47,002 Isabel's only eight. As she grows up, 149 00:08:47,037 --> 00:08:49,772 surprising things will happen to her body... 150 00:08:49,806 --> 00:08:50,906 of beliefs. 151 00:08:50,941 --> 00:08:53,275 But she could always use a friend like you. 152 00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:54,310 Hmm. 153 00:08:55,278 --> 00:08:57,413 Hmm. 154 00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:59,849 Isabel? Lisa? 155 00:08:59,883 --> 00:09:01,484 Listen, I'm really sorry about... 156 00:09:01,518 --> 00:09:02,785 No, it's okay. 157 00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:05,087 My mom says you're just going through a liberal phase. 158 00:09:05,122 --> 00:09:08,591 What?! My mom says you're going through a conservative phase. 159 00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:09,692 There's no such thing. 160 00:09:09,726 --> 00:09:11,160 Conservatives only get more conservative. 161 00:09:11,194 --> 00:09:12,394 Because every year, 162 00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:14,363 they get a little further through Atlas Shrugged. 163 00:09:14,397 --> 00:09:16,699 Listen, we're both eight years old. 164 00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:18,767 Can't we just play Monopoly or something? 165 00:09:18,802 --> 00:09:20,903 My father owns a monopoly! 166 00:09:29,412 --> 00:09:32,581 That young filly is exactly the kind of candidate 167 00:09:32,616 --> 00:09:34,683 we need to start recruiting! 168 00:09:34,718 --> 00:09:37,887 She's a young, dynamic Latina. 169 00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:41,290 Yee-haw! I said that just right! 170 00:09:41,324 --> 00:09:45,227 Without the Hispanic vote, even Texas is poised to turn blue. 171 00:09:45,262 --> 00:09:46,328 Blue! 172 00:09:46,363 --> 00:09:49,298 Yeah, we must reach her and groom her 173 00:09:49,332 --> 00:09:51,500 before she fattens up like Chris Christie. 174 00:09:51,535 --> 00:09:54,603 He thinks GOP stands for "Gravy on Pancakes." 175 00:09:56,139 --> 00:10:00,976 But despite my mirthful remarks, obesity is no laughing matter. 176 00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:10,538 Just can't resist those words, "sign-up sheet." 177 00:10:10,572 --> 00:10:13,707 Oh, looks like I'll be running against Isabel. 178 00:10:13,742 --> 00:10:14,942 And Ralph? 179 00:10:14,976 --> 00:10:16,944 Just call me Ralph Nader. 180 00:10:16,978 --> 00:10:18,946 I don't know why. Isabel! 181 00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:21,182 I want this campaign to be about the issues: 182 00:10:21,216 --> 00:10:22,616 same-sex field trip buddies, 183 00:10:22,651 --> 00:10:25,219 providing class pets with a path to citizenship... 184 00:10:25,253 --> 00:10:27,087 And no digging up past relationships. 185 00:10:27,122 --> 00:10:30,057 Sure, Lisa and I dated. Sure, she broke my heart. 186 00:10:30,091 --> 00:10:32,226 I'm sure your researchers know all about it. 187 00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:34,195 This is the first I've heard of it. 188 00:10:34,229 --> 00:10:35,796 Really? But I got this! 189 00:10:35,831 --> 00:10:37,598 Ew. 190 00:10:37,632 --> 00:10:40,167 How long has it been since you washed your stomach? 191 00:10:40,202 --> 00:10:41,802 You can't ask that anymore! 192 00:10:43,405 --> 00:10:44,538 Quit shoving! 193 00:10:44,573 --> 00:10:46,474 I'd like a word with you, young lady. 194 00:10:46,508 --> 00:10:47,608 How did you get in there? 195 00:10:47,642 --> 00:10:48,943 Slid in through the grates. 196 00:10:50,645 --> 00:10:52,313 Here's the scoop. 197 00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:53,514 You're our future, 198 00:10:53,548 --> 00:10:55,249 so we can't afford to have you lose. 199 00:10:55,283 --> 00:10:56,717 And I love the Spanish-- 200 00:10:56,751 --> 00:10:59,587 from the Inquisition to the delightful Franco years. 201 00:10:59,621 --> 00:11:01,288 What are you talking about? 202 00:11:01,323 --> 00:11:03,624 Move over! I know how to talk to kids. 203 00:11:03,658 --> 00:11:06,060 We want to give you a little present. 204 00:11:06,094 --> 00:11:09,597 A tainted victory that will haunt you forever. 205 00:11:09,631 --> 00:11:12,299 I'd rather do this myself. 206 00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:14,201 But who'd own you then? 207 00:11:14,236 --> 00:11:17,204 You couldn't buy me with a wheelbarrow full of ice cream. 208 00:11:20,575 --> 00:11:22,142 Whoa, nicely done. 209 00:11:22,177 --> 00:11:24,778 You've charmed another one right into the arms 210 00:11:24,813 --> 00:11:26,580 of the Libertarian Party. 211 00:11:26,615 --> 00:11:29,483 Maybe we can help her without her knowing we're helping her. 212 00:11:29,518 --> 00:11:32,887 No one says I can't buy a second grade election. 213 00:11:32,921 --> 00:11:35,356 Why, I had enough money to fix People Magazine's 214 00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,291 Sexiest Man Alive. 215 00:11:37,325 --> 00:11:38,993 Most of the money went to convincing them 216 00:11:39,027 --> 00:11:40,427 that I was alive. 217 00:11:42,831 --> 00:11:44,832 Who ordered the Yumboni? 218 00:11:44,866 --> 00:11:46,033 Right here! 219 00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:47,935 Now, Smithers, I want you to eat this for me. 220 00:11:47,969 --> 00:11:49,169 Describe every taste. 221 00:11:49,204 --> 00:11:51,171 And don't forget the brain freeze. 222 00:11:51,206 --> 00:11:53,274 Sir, I am lactose-intolerant. 223 00:11:53,308 --> 00:11:54,475 And I'm back-talk-allergic! 224 00:11:54,509 --> 00:11:55,676 So start eating! 225 00:11:58,146 --> 00:11:59,947 Have a great day, kids. 226 00:11:59,981 --> 00:12:01,815 And, Bart, I'll pick you up after school 227 00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,551 to take you to karate lessons. 228 00:12:03,585 --> 00:12:05,519 Mom, after six weeks, I figured out 229 00:12:05,554 --> 00:12:08,022 that Sensei Weinstein is really my psychiatrist. 230 00:12:08,056 --> 00:12:11,892 Either way, for 45 minutes, you're not my problem, sweetie. 231 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,598 Don't worry, Lisa, despite the paid ad, 232 00:12:17,632 --> 00:12:19,900 I am strictly middle of the road. 233 00:12:19,935 --> 00:12:21,335 Idiot! 234 00:12:21,369 --> 00:12:22,369 Pick a lane! 235 00:12:23,572 --> 00:12:25,372 Wha...?! 236 00:12:29,744 --> 00:12:31,745 What are you doing?! 237 00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:33,347 I'm as bewildered as you are. 238 00:12:33,381 --> 00:12:35,349 I don't know why, but the Springfield Republican Party 239 00:12:35,383 --> 00:12:36,550 is grooming me. 240 00:12:36,585 --> 00:12:39,053 Grooming? Yuck! 241 00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:41,088 Unfortunately, I can't stop it. 242 00:12:41,122 --> 00:12:43,791 The Supreme Court says spending money is free speech. 243 00:12:43,825 --> 00:12:45,626 Well, then you could use your free speech 244 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:48,662 to denounce this intrusion of big money into our election. 245 00:12:48,697 --> 00:12:49,930 Mm, I'll think about it 246 00:12:49,965 --> 00:12:52,199 while I'm on my listening tour of the cafeteria. 247 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,175 Pour me another. 248 00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:02,743 What are you doing? 249 00:13:02,777 --> 00:13:04,211 It's imaginary. 250 00:13:05,413 --> 00:13:06,513 Fine. 251 00:13:06,548 --> 00:13:07,715 I got to go. 252 00:13:07,749 --> 00:13:10,718 I'll see you later. 253 00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:27,034 Ay, caramba! 254 00:13:27,068 --> 00:13:29,403 Bart, I need you to help me win the election. 255 00:13:29,437 --> 00:13:31,405 I can help, but it's gonna get rough. 256 00:13:31,439 --> 00:13:32,439 I'm fine with rough. 257 00:13:32,474 --> 00:13:34,008 You don't know what rough is. 258 00:13:34,042 --> 00:13:35,175 That ain't rough. 259 00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:36,944 More like a gentle breeze. 260 00:13:36,978 --> 00:13:38,278 Maggie hits harder. 261 00:13:38,313 --> 00:13:41,649 Did the good night pixie just kiss my cheek? 262 00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:42,650 Ow! 263 00:13:42,684 --> 00:13:44,151 Okay, you got my attention. 264 00:13:44,185 --> 00:13:45,586 You want to win this election? 265 00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:47,988 Then from now on, you do exactly what I say. 266 00:13:48,023 --> 00:13:49,123 You got it. 267 00:13:49,157 --> 00:13:50,791 First, go make me five pans of brownies. 268 00:13:50,825 --> 00:13:53,460 You're just taking advantage of the situation. 269 00:13:53,495 --> 00:13:55,496 Hmm, maybe Isabel likes baking. 270 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,398 Cakey or gooey? 271 00:13:57,432 --> 00:13:59,633 I'll make both. 272 00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,237 First, we reel them in. 273 00:14:03,271 --> 00:14:05,606 Then, we scare the hell out of them. 274 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,708 By discussing the school's budget crisis? 275 00:14:07,742 --> 00:14:10,110 No, with balls to the head. 276 00:14:10,145 --> 00:14:12,680 Bombardment! 277 00:14:16,051 --> 00:14:19,853 I associate Isabel with a pain in my tummy. 278 00:14:21,322 --> 00:14:23,190 Bombardment? 279 00:14:24,726 --> 00:14:25,959 Miss Simpson, 280 00:14:25,994 --> 00:14:27,928 your platform calls for the creation 281 00:14:27,962 --> 00:14:29,596 of a student-run garden. 282 00:14:29,631 --> 00:14:31,865 Organic gardening is an essential part 283 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,768 of 21st century education, teaching both hands-on... 284 00:14:34,803 --> 00:14:36,437 And what programs would you cut to pay 285 00:14:36,471 --> 00:14:38,105 for this precious garden of yours? 286 00:14:38,139 --> 00:14:39,406 The new Wiffle bats? 287 00:14:39,441 --> 00:14:40,607 Pizza Friday? 288 00:14:40,642 --> 00:14:43,210 Not Pizza Friday! 289 00:14:43,244 --> 00:14:45,112 Sorry, Lisa, you lose again. 290 00:14:46,147 --> 00:14:48,816 You got to get on your game, sister. 291 00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:49,917 You think I'm tough? 292 00:14:49,951 --> 00:14:52,419 Wait till Gutiérrez sinks her teeth into you. 293 00:14:52,454 --> 00:14:54,221 Remember, you got an ace in the hole: 294 00:14:54,255 --> 00:14:56,890 chocolate milk in the water fountains. 295 00:14:56,925 --> 00:14:58,258 That's impossible. 296 00:14:58,293 --> 00:14:59,660 We've already had the best plumbers 297 00:14:59,694 --> 00:15:01,328 in the city look into it. 298 00:15:01,362 --> 00:15:03,897 Hey, we'll worry about that after you're elected. 299 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:07,901 What are you so happy about? 300 00:15:07,936 --> 00:15:09,269 It's in the bag, Lis. 301 00:15:09,304 --> 00:15:11,238 Once everybody sees this. 302 00:15:12,273 --> 00:15:13,373 Training wheels. 303 00:15:13,408 --> 00:15:15,309 She still uses training wheels. 304 00:15:16,511 --> 00:15:17,745 And watch this. 305 00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:24,118 Excellent. 306 00:15:24,152 --> 00:15:25,619 What am I doing? 307 00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:27,354 Untent! Untent! 308 00:15:27,388 --> 00:15:31,258 Oh, Bart, I want to win, but not like this. 309 00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:32,926 I'm sorry, you're fired. 310 00:15:36,364 --> 00:15:38,532 Leave the bottle. 311 00:15:38,566 --> 00:15:41,935 I bet by the end of the night, you're gonna look pretty good. 312 00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:45,773 Welcome to our first in a series of 37 debates-- 313 00:15:45,807 --> 00:15:49,109 good Lord-- before the elementary school elections. 314 00:15:49,144 --> 00:15:50,644 You're a booger head! 315 00:15:50,678 --> 00:15:53,413 And I say we move beyond name-calling 316 00:15:53,448 --> 00:15:55,883 to solve our real problems. 317 00:15:57,252 --> 00:15:58,552 Booger head! 318 00:15:58,586 --> 00:16:00,020 Vote for whoever you want to. 319 00:16:00,054 --> 00:16:01,388 To me, these are both losers. 320 00:16:01,422 --> 00:16:05,359 Now, the second grade debate between Isabel Gutiérrez 321 00:16:05,393 --> 00:16:07,795 and Lisa Simp-a-son. 322 00:16:07,829 --> 00:16:08,896 Sounds weird. 323 00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:10,564 Mm. 324 00:16:10,598 --> 00:16:11,899 Ivy Agee, 325 00:16:11,933 --> 00:16:14,067 Frank Marino, Glen Gloyd. 326 00:16:14,102 --> 00:16:16,804 These are men who fought at Omaha Beach. 327 00:16:16,838 --> 00:16:18,238 And they are the reason 328 00:16:18,273 --> 00:16:20,407 I'm running for second grade rep. 329 00:16:20,441 --> 00:16:22,576 Dios los bendiga a todos. 330 00:16:23,912 --> 00:16:26,947 I'll bet my bologna sandwich that girl's gonna win. 331 00:16:26,981 --> 00:16:29,049 Oh, a little rich for my blood, sir. 332 00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:30,751 Yes, you can fog a mirror, Seymour, 333 00:16:30,785 --> 00:16:32,186 but I wouldn't call you alive. 334 00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:35,122 Now, the other candidate, Lisa Simpson. 335 00:16:35,156 --> 00:16:37,558 Okay, I'm a liberal. 336 00:16:37,592 --> 00:16:39,760 And sometimes that's a dirty word. 337 00:16:40,795 --> 00:16:42,062 Liberal. 338 00:16:42,096 --> 00:16:45,098 But what liberal really means is someone who believes 339 00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:46,900 that those who have more than enough 340 00:16:46,935 --> 00:16:49,403 should share a little with those who don't. 341 00:16:50,271 --> 00:16:51,505 And those principles 342 00:16:51,539 --> 00:16:53,440 have consistently been in place 343 00:16:53,474 --> 00:16:56,176 during this country's most prosperous times. 344 00:16:56,211 --> 00:16:59,046 So if that's a liberal, then I am a liberal. 345 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,147 And hang me. 346 00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:03,116 Sorry, we're just setting up 347 00:17:03,151 --> 00:17:05,052 for An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge. 348 00:17:14,155 --> 00:17:15,291 Ooh. 349 00:17:15,292 --> 00:17:17,193 The Democratic Party pantheon. 350 00:17:17,228 --> 00:17:19,129 Such lofty ideals. 351 00:17:20,197 --> 00:17:21,598 And here come the spirits. 352 00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:24,033 Michael Dukakis, Walter Mondale, 353 00:17:24,068 --> 00:17:25,335 John Kerry? 354 00:17:25,369 --> 00:17:27,003 These are all losers! 355 00:17:27,037 --> 00:17:30,106 I'm afraid you're heading for a loss, Lisa. 356 00:17:30,141 --> 00:17:32,675 And when we lose, we lose big. 357 00:17:32,710 --> 00:17:33,943 What about Obama? 358 00:17:33,978 --> 00:17:35,044 Harry Truman? 359 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:36,112 Bill Clinton? 360 00:17:36,147 --> 00:17:37,947 Lisa, you're a lot like me. 361 00:17:37,982 --> 00:17:39,983 Play the saxophone, come from a small town, 362 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,618 raised by a mother with no help. 363 00:17:41,652 --> 00:17:43,453 So, do you know how I can win? 364 00:17:43,487 --> 00:17:45,288 I don't even know why I'm a ghost. 365 00:17:45,322 --> 00:17:46,789 All these guys are alive. 366 00:17:46,824 --> 00:17:48,658 John Kerry here is Secretary of State. 367 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,226 Doing a bang-up job. 368 00:17:50,261 --> 00:17:51,961 Well, we still have a long way 369 00:17:51,996 --> 00:17:53,930 to go on Asian currency issues. 370 00:17:53,964 --> 00:17:55,498 Absolutely. 371 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,213 And, Lisa, I'm only appearing in this dream 372 00:17:57,234 --> 00:17:59,802 so I can visit with you about the Clinton Global Initiative. 373 00:17:59,837 --> 00:18:02,572 See, our mission is to turn ideas into action. 374 00:18:02,606 --> 00:18:04,185 And to find innovative solutions that will hel... 375 00:18:04,742 --> 00:18:05,708 Hey, hey, hey! 376 00:18:05,743 --> 00:18:07,243 You can't fall asleep in a dream! 377 00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:11,247 I know what I've got to do. 378 00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,384 Hello, Isabel? Listen... 379 00:18:17,321 --> 00:18:19,722 CGI also convenes CGI America, 380 00:18:19,757 --> 00:18:23,359 a meeting devoted to economic recovery and job creation. 381 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:24,861 You used to be fun! 382 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,529 Kevin Costner used to be a movie star. 383 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,564 Get over it. 384 00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,200 And now for their final debate, 385 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,769 please welcome, uh, Li... um... 386 00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:35,772 Li-sa? Li-sa, uh, Simpsone. 387 00:18:35,806 --> 00:18:37,540 Yes. 388 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:41,377 And, uh, Isabel Adolpho-Guzman-Lopez Gutiérrez. 389 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:42,612 Uh, ladies. 390 00:18:48,819 --> 00:18:51,454 I just want to say, I don't care about politics, 391 00:18:51,488 --> 00:18:54,290 electioneering or negative campaigning. 392 00:18:54,325 --> 00:18:56,859 If my friend Lisa wins, so be it. 393 00:18:59,797 --> 00:19:02,098 And I also want to say that if... 394 00:19:02,132 --> 00:19:03,199 Time's up. But I... 395 00:19:03,234 --> 00:19:04,534 Stop showboating. 396 00:19:07,638 --> 00:19:11,107 Back in the banner shed you go. 397 00:19:11,141 --> 00:19:12,442 Good morning. 398 00:19:12,476 --> 00:19:14,577 We have completed the tally of the votes 399 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:15,812 for class representative. 400 00:19:15,846 --> 00:19:17,814 One brief announcement: the tainted Greek salad 401 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:19,082 has given several students 402 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,484 nightmares involving Michael Dukakis. 403 00:19:21,518 --> 00:19:23,152 It may recur tonight, so if possible, 404 00:19:23,187 --> 00:19:25,154 have your parents strap you to the bed. 405 00:19:25,189 --> 00:19:26,756 And now the results. 406 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:28,625 First grade rep-- results delayed indefinitely 407 00:19:28,659 --> 00:19:30,260 due to jelly on the ballots. 408 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,261 Second grade rep-- 409 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,529 Isabel Gutiérrez. 410 00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,231 Third grade rep, no votes cast. Congratulations, Isabel. 411 00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:37,267 Fourth grade rep-- last name Weiner, first name Ima... 412 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,135 I truly hope you enjoy the Friday morning council meetings. 413 00:19:39,169 --> 00:19:40,436 Simpson! 414 00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:43,506 And the-the free snicker doodle cookies. 415 00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:44,841 Smithers, we won! 416 00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:47,477 Drop the balloons! 417 00:19:47,511 --> 00:19:48,845 Ow! Ow! Ooh! 418 00:19:48,879 --> 00:19:50,146 419 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,316 Can I at least remove the balloons? 420 00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:55,018 Do it and you'll kill him. 421 00:19:55,052 --> 00:19:56,953 Hey, Lis. 422 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:57,954 Hey. 423 00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,188 I'm sorry I fired you. 424 00:19:59,223 --> 00:20:00,556 Eh, no hard feelings. 425 00:20:00,591 --> 00:20:02,458 A lot of good things have been happening to me. 426 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:03,459 Mm-hmm. 427 00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:04,727 Thanks, Bart. 428 00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:06,095 I think you might feel better 429 00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:08,097 if you looked at these exit polls. 430 00:20:08,132 --> 00:20:10,533 They find me a pointy-haired know-it-all. 431 00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:13,469 Yes, but they agreed with everything you said. 432 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:14,804 What are you getting at? 433 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:17,674 53% said they'd vote for a liberal. 434 00:20:17,708 --> 00:20:19,108 Just not you. 435 00:20:19,143 --> 00:20:21,377 Huh. You hear that, world? 436 00:20:21,412 --> 00:20:24,447 They love my ideas, just not me! 437 00:20:24,481 --> 00:20:26,849 And that is half the battle! 438 00:20:26,884 --> 00:20:28,318 Ha! 439 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,520 Hello, I'm elder Anderson Cooper. 440 00:20:30,554 --> 00:20:31,921 Welcome to our first debate 441 00:20:31,955 --> 00:20:33,656 between Republican Isabel Gutiérrez 442 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,925 and Lisa Simpson, representing 443 00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:38,528 the Democratic Robot Zombie Coalition. 444 00:20:38,562 --> 00:20:40,897 First question: Ms. Simpson, what would you do 445 00:20:40,931 --> 00:20:43,299 to get America out of Afghanistan? 446 00:20:43,334 --> 00:20:46,636 I'd just throw in the towel and make it a state. 447 00:20:46,670 --> 00:20:48,971 That's our girl. 448 00:20:50,407 --> 00:20:55,407 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 449 00:21:34,696 --> 00:21:36,301 Shh!