1 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,841 (horns honking) 2 00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:10,078 Sorry, little dudes, we're gonna be here a while. 3 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,513 A truck broke down, and the cops are taking their sweet time 4 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,148 clearing it up. 5 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:16,917 (laughing) He thinks my tummy is a mountain. 6 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,087 Lou, Lou, quick, take a selfie. 7 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,988 It's not a selfie if I take it. 8 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,856 He's kissing me. 9 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,925 Take a selfie! Take a selfie! 10 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,528 Oh, man, my phone's dead. 11 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,430 Milhouse, what am I missing in the group text? 12 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,065 It's awesome. 13 00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:33,334 You're never gonna get caught up. 14 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,002 (Bart groans) 15 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,739 What kind of jazz you listening to, stupid or boring? 16 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,674 It's Marc Maron's podcast. 17 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:44,178 He does cool interviews with really interesting people. 18 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,180 Lame, lame, don't know him. 19 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,182 Lame, lame, don't know her. 20 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,118 Loudon Wainwright, lame, lame. 21 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:53,887 (gasps) This guy interviewed Krusty? 22 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:59,193 Yeah. Hey, no, aw, that's my ear bu... Ew. 23 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,561 It's yours now. 24 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:03,231 MARC MARON: Wow. That's incredible, Krusty. 25 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,032 I mean, really, I'm blown away. 26 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,968 Yeah, well, it's true. It's absolutely true. 27 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,871 I have a phobia... of pies. 28 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,941 That's so crazy because, I mean, we've all seen you get 29 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,043 hit in the face with pies on your show. 30 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,313 No, no, no, those are cakes decorated as pies. 31 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:23,151 Oh, right, so that's how you make yourself feel safe. 32 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:26,220 It's not the crust; it's the fillings. 33 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,055 Krusty, I got to ask you about something, 34 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,224 and-and I don't want you to get defensive, 35 00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,226 but it's something you've never talked about. 36 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:35,396 Can you tell me about The Sands of Space? 37 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,166 Oh, no. That's off-limits, soul patch! 38 00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,268 We could talk about the exploding milkshakes 39 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,435 in your Laffy Meals. 40 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,171 Did they ever find those kids' noses? 41 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:46,274 Okay, okay, I'll tell you about The Sands of Space, 42 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:50,178 the movie that almost consumed my soul. 43 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,179 (electric can opener whirring) 44 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,113 -(cats mewling) -Yeah, yeah, keep talking. 45 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,682 I'm just feeding the cats. 46 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:58,186 (loudly): It all began back in the golden age of Hollywood, 47 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:02,490 the late 1980s, when high concept was king. 48 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:05,293 You'd mix two kooky words together in the title, 49 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,128 put a rap song at the end that explains the plot, 50 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:12,666 and bam-- you're on the cover of Premiere magazine. 51 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,603 I had starred in the hit action buddy comedy 52 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,137 Good Cop, Dog Cop, 53 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:20,174 where I played a murdered police officer 54 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:23,377 who is reincarnated as his partner's pet Saint Bernard. 55 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:27,147 Five smashed squad cars, 100 exploded helicopters, 56 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,350 and the mayor's wife has fleas. 57 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,185 Turn in your badge and your collar. 58 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:33,321 You're suspended for a month! 59 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,189 For me, that's like seven months. 60 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,225 Dog Cop! 61 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,992 (grunting) 62 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,994 KRUSTY: Suddenly, everyone in town 63 00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,130 was dying to be in the Krusty business, 64 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,166 and I was dipping shrimp with all the big talents 65 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,136 I once longed to see fail. 66 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,573 And, of course, what the studio wanted most was a sequel. 67 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,342 Okay, Krusty, we've got 68 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:57,878 Good Cop, Dog Cop 2: Golden Revolver all lined up. 69 00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,713 We, uh... who-who did the... 70 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,316 The two Terrys, they just turned in a great script. 71 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,818 Savage Sam Borgberg is all set to direct. 72 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,420 So when do we start? 73 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:09,056 I get it. You think I'm just some hack, 74 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:12,260 out to churn out lazy sequels for a quick buck. 75 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,495 Yes. 76 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,197 This is my next movie. 77 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,267 The Sands of Space? 78 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,501 Krusty, are you kidding me? 79 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,571 This is the most famously un-filmable book in history. 80 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:27,408 It made Kubrick a recluse. It-it drove Coppola to wine. 81 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,343 The four Jeffs tried to write a script, 82 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,279 but even they couldn't crack it. 83 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:34,748 When I bought this at an adult bookstore by mistake, 84 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,717 it changed my life. 85 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,287 "There's a light that shines from star to star, 86 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:43,223 from soul to soul, connecting everyone in the universe." 87 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,759 Wow. 88 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,562 It's not landing for me that the hero doesn't 89 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:52,300 refuse the quest before he accepts the quest. 90 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,534 Is that landing for you? 91 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,236 Look, I'm not drinking out of one more toilet 92 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,306 until you green-light this movie. 93 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,208 And I'm not playing a dog, either. (grunts) 94 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,577 All right, we got a comic who wants to make 95 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,246 a hippie-dippie science-fiction vanity project. 96 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,284 Here's what we do: we humor him, and we make it dirt cheap. 97 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,152 We could shoot it in Mexico for nothing. 98 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,221 We hire a has-been to direct it 99 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,324 and never-wases to do everything else. 100 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,993 After it bombs, that clown will come scooting his butt back here 101 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:24,231 to make all the Dog Cop movies we want. Two more. 102 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,266 KRUSTY: The Sands of Space was a go, 103 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,069 and the studio hired the least-qualified crew 104 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,639 they could find, including a young couple 105 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:34,308 whose love was just starting to bloom. 106 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,276 She was full of optimism, 107 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:39,580 and he was slightly less fat than he was going to be. 108 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,114 What could be cooler? 109 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:44,685 You and me working on a movie together all summer long 110 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,254 as production assistants. 111 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,323 It's so romantic. 112 00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,659 We'll be like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton 113 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,261 if they had to get coffee for everybody. 114 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,629 (both moaning) 115 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,030 (indistinct chatter) 116 00:04:57,064 --> 00:05:01,034 All right, everyone, saddle up for Juárez, Mexico. 117 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,704 That's where I shot Manhattan Mix Up. 118 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,474 Lost a lot of good men on that show. 119 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:09,109 Now, move it out! 120 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,012 ♪ 121 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,186 HOMER: Why are we stopping? 122 00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,389 SKINNER: Oh, the bus has been leaking oil for miles. 123 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,390 Look behind us. 124 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,825 HOMER: Those things were literal? 125 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,860 ♪ 126 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:36,336 The Sands of Space, day one, shot one, take one. 127 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,406 And... action! 128 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,742 So barren, so alien, 129 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,044 yet somehow... familiar. 130 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,580 Hey, what the hell is this? 131 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,215 Cut. Cut it! 132 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:52,185 This sand is sand-colored. It's supposed to be red. 133 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,555 So what? Sand is sand. 134 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,356 Did you even read the book? 135 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,259 These blood dunes are all that's left of humanity 136 00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,261 after the Rust Wars. 137 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,664 What's to read? It's a space picture. 138 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,400 Laser cars, girls with octopus arms, 139 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:09,102 zip zap glip glorp, and it's in the can. 140 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,371 Look, you no-talent bag of wrinkles. 141 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,541 Go back to whatever Toluca Lake drunk tank 142 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,242 they fished you out of, 143 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:18,546 because you're not getting anywhere near my movie! 144 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,514 (blows nose) 145 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,516 Sir, I've worked in moving pictures 146 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,418 since they were called "stillies." 147 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:27,354 I once shot a two-hour picture in 90 minutes. 148 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:31,559 And so I say to you, in the words of Miss Lillian Gish, 149 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,326 go crap in your hat. 150 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,932 And now, if you'll excuse me, 151 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:42,235 I am going to mysteriously drown in the ocean. 152 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,976 As you may have heard, there's been an amicable parting of ways 153 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:52,212 with that moron director. We wish him well. 154 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,415 Clearly, there's only one artist close enough to this film 155 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:58,552 -to direct it: me. -(all gasp) 156 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,288 I know what you're thinking-- have I taken on too much 157 00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,591 by starring and directing a movie 158 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,159 that I was also tricked into cofinancing? 159 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,663 No, because this story must be told. 160 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,433 This is so exciting. 161 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:17,605 Krusty's got the passion and vision to make this movie great. 162 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,607 (sobbing) 163 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,843 I have no idea how to make a movie. 164 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:26,614 I know nothing. 165 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,082 All these people are screwed. 166 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,385 And the crew gift is just a T-shirt. 167 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,191 Right, right, I-I get it. 168 00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:39,493 In the tradition of every actor ever, 169 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:42,129 -you thought you could direct. -Directing seemed so easy. 170 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,932 You just hold your hands like this, then bing, bang, boom, 171 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,700 Annie Leibovitz is taking your portrait 172 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,435 in a bathtub full of milk. 173 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,204 (laughs) Yeah, talk about pressure, though. 174 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,340 Man, I remember once I was filming a special 175 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,642 at the Laugh Basement in Tampa... 176 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,176 This isn't about you. 177 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,779 You got your ad in for Dollar Doorknob Club. 178 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,648 Now, let me talk. 179 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,651 KRUSTY: They say in Hollywood, "Nobody knows anything." 180 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,119 Well, I knew a lot less than that. 181 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,556 What do you like for the princess's headpiece, 182 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,992 -feathers or scales? -I don't know, how about scales? 183 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,562 Oh, well, there goes the whole costume budget. 184 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:15,829 Uh, for the crew lunch, 185 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,631 the grips want their hot dogs boiled, 186 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:19,366 but the gaffers want them grilled. 187 00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:22,502 Either way, I don't got no hot dogs, so, uh, which is it? 188 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,138 Do you want the space ship doors to open like, 189 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:28,542 "Zzztt-zzztt," "ppswishh" or "wahh-wahh"? 190 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:30,343 Judd Nelson won't come out of his trailer. 191 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,746 Christian Slater won't go back into his trailer. 192 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,582 How many sugars do you want in your coffee? 193 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,717 Stop asking me things! 194 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,352 Is this an official break, or are we taking a five? 195 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:42,389 -(screams) -Wahh-wahh. 196 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,558 Hmm, that poor clown man. 197 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:47,995 This movie is his dream, and it's falling apart. 198 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,998 Yeah, that's Mexico showbiz for you. 199 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,766 (grunting) 200 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,768 ♪ 201 00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,236 (groans) 202 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,705 (whirring) 203 00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:00,708 Oh, is nothing on this movie real? 204 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,509 Um, are you okay? 205 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,777 Okay? 206 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:07,681 I'm a total fraud who can't make a single decision. 207 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:10,350 Well, maybe you just need to start with a small one. 208 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,453 Like, what color should the space monster's blood be, 209 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,055 orange or green? 210 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,190 Both. Neither. I don't know! 211 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,527 Just close your eyes, breathe deeply, 212 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,831 and envision the blood. What color is it? 213 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,734 Orange. 214 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,302 There you go. You decided. 215 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:32,773 Of course, orange! I knew I was a genius! 216 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,709 I did it! I directed a movie! 217 00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,377 Well, it's just one decision. 218 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,913 Oh, I'm a nothing. A phony-baloney. 219 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:42,149 A no-talent. A zilch. 220 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:46,654 Just my luck to work for the only insecure person in showbiz. 221 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:50,123 You risked everything you have to tell this story. 222 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,759 It must be special. 223 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,728 Maybe I can do this with your help. 224 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:58,265 How would you like to be assistant to the director? 225 00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,332 Really? 226 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,969 I need you to help me be decisive. 227 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,738 No, wait, I don't want that! Oh, God, which one? 228 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:07,140 -The first, the first. -You're hired. 229 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,608 Oh! 230 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,110 (indistinct chatter) 231 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,746 Add more dynamite. 232 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:15,983 Uh, those explosives are really close to those extras. 233 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,584 So? We got plenty of them. 234 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,853 That's why they're called "extras," right? 235 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,723 (Krusty grunting) 236 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,994 You tell that lox to go to acting school 237 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,997 and work there as a janitor. 238 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,633 Krusty loves what you're doing. Same energy, little quicker. 239 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,269 Tell him to sod off. 240 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,538 He says, "You got it, baby." 241 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:41,641 It's so much pressure. The whole movie depends on it. 242 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:44,277 Tell the story that needs to be told. 243 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,813 That butt double for the action scene, 244 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,716 that butt double for the love scene. Let's make art! 245 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,650 ♪ 246 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,052 Sorry I'm late, 247 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,055 but Krusty and I were storyboarding tomorrow's shots. 248 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:59,793 Close-up, medium, long, long, establishing, close, 249 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:03,964 POV, wide, and then-- get this-- medium. 250 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,467 You've been so busy with that director, I never see you. 251 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,570 Krusty needs me. He's under so much pressure. 252 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:14,074 You wouldn't believe how much directing dust he's sniffing. 253 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,743 Everyone's working hard. 254 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:18,712 We had to repaint all the sets black and white for a flashback. 255 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,380 We wouldn't have been able to do it 256 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,149 if not for all the crew powder. 257 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,751 Well, it'll all be worth it 258 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,853 when this movie touches people's hearts, 259 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,723 as Peabo Bryson sings the theme song over the credits. 260 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,491 You got Peabo? 261 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,694 -Well, he hasn't committed. -He's not the only one. 262 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,663 This was supposed to be a romantic adventure, 263 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,666 but whenever we have a moment alone, your beeper goes off. 264 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:43,737 Why don't we have a romantic adventure right now? 265 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,906 -Oh, yeah, baby. -(moaning) 266 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,841 (pager beeps) 267 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,710 (both moaning) 268 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,112 Wahh-wahh. 269 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,981 (humming a tune) 270 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,786 -Where were you? -(gasps) 271 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:02,589 I had to watch the dailies without you. 272 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,858 Greetings. Welcome. 273 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:08,695 Greetings. Welcome. Greetings. Welcome. Greetings. 274 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,698 I've been going back and forth all night. Which is better? 275 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,768 -Did you get one with "Hello"? -(screams) 276 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,406 I'm sorry, I was with Homer, my boyfriend. 277 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,742 Boyfriend? You can't have a boyfriend. I want you! 278 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:23,977 Krusty! 279 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,745 Not like a lady. 280 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:30,117 Like a "mother slash therapist slash rabbi" who xeroxes things. 281 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,651 Dump the boyfriend. 282 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:36,656 I believe in this movie, but I also believe in Homer and Marge. 283 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,660 Me, I'm Marge. 284 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:44,464 Oh, yes, Marge. Marge, I knew that. 285 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,634 Marge. Marge. 286 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:51,138 I'm not going to break up with Homer. He's my soul mate. 287 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:54,107 Hmm. You know what? I get it. 288 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,443 Your life has to come first. 289 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,813 Yet again, you're the only one who can set me straight. 290 00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,916 -Thank you. -(laughs) That's all right. 291 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,651 It's not all right. 292 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,120 I'm gonna grind that boyfriend down finer 293 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,756 than this movie's red sand... 294 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,959 that I now wish was sand-colored. 295 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,261 -(intercom buzzes) -Send in my anesthesiologist 296 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,196 so I can take a nap. 297 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,131 Dreams or no dreams? 298 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,100 Surprise me. 299 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,169 (gas hissing) 300 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,670 (Homer grunts, Marge gasps) 301 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:24,972 (laughs) 302 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,777 Wow, it's crazy, man, right? 303 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,980 How narcissism and insecurity go hand in hand? 304 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,781 I mean, you couldn't function 305 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,816 because your assistant had a boyfriend. 306 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,351 Where does that jealousy come from? 307 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,053 How would I know? I fired my shrink 308 00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:43,223 after I found out she was seeing other patients. Anyway... 309 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,225 KRUSTY: I made sure the boyfriend 310 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,195 had all the most dangerous jobs on the set. 311 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:51,064 I'm out of breakfast burritos. 312 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,867 -(overlapping shouting) -(Homer screams) 313 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,504 (tires screech) 314 00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,539 Bring in the stunt dummy. 315 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,144 (Homer screams) 316 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,545 -(thud) -(Homer grunts) 317 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,115 Perfect. Let's get one more for safety. 318 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:13,820 I'm telling you, your crazy boss is out to get me. 319 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,990 No, he's not. Krusty loves our relationship. 320 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,926 Every day, he says it would be a shame 321 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:23,063 if something happened to you, then laughs and laughs. 322 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,899 Then why are they sending me out to the middle of the desert 323 00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:28,936 to find a lizard for a new scene about a space lizard? 324 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,504 Hmm, that does sound a little dangerous. 325 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,407 No, I'm sure it's super safe. 326 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,977 I'll see you when I get back alive. 327 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,850 (groans) 328 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,185 (wind whistling) 329 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,087 Here, lizard, lizard, lizard. 330 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,888 Who wants to be famous? 331 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,790 Look at all those skeletons. 332 00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:53,626 Mexicans sure love Halloween. 333 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:54,928 Whoa! 334 00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:57,965 D'oh! (grunts) What the...? (grunts) 335 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,068 ♪ 336 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,405 (groans) Wha... 337 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,874 Oh, I'm trapped in a ravine. 338 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:12,112 Only one thing to do: wait patiently for death. 339 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,649 -Dad, wake up! -(mumbles) What? 340 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,285 Yeah, get up, fat-ass. 341 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,487 Who the hell are you, talking cactuses? 342 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,455 We're the kids you're never gonna have 343 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:25,092 if you don't you get your lazy butt out of that hole. 344 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,995 And technically, it's "cacti." 345 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,430 -Ow! -(laughs) 346 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,799 Why should I climb out of here and have you? 347 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:36,069 Marge spends all her time taking care of that needy clown. 348 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,571 I thought I was her passion project. 349 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,940 You know, someday you might appreciate a wife 350 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,842 who's developed empathy and patience 351 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,112 for chubby, selfish men. 352 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,647 (laughs) Look at that bald guy. 353 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,083 (laughs) He's so bald! 354 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,518 I don't think we'll ever be born. 355 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,520 Sorry, Maggie. 356 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,488 Eat my thorns. (hums) 357 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,024 Why, you prickly...! 358 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,059 -(shouting angrily) -(choking) 359 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,033 (panting) 360 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,637 A casa. I'm saved. 361 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,641 Ay, caramba! 362 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:19,979 The Pain Lords forced me to mine every quarry on this planet, 363 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:24,417 but they never imagined I had the Love Gem all along. 364 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,055 And... cut. 365 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,024 That was amazing. 366 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,959 And you remembered all your lines. 367 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,295 Aw, thanks... 368 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,130 Marge. 369 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,999 You've helped me become what every director should be: 370 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:43,070 an amiable guy who makes everyone suffer 371 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,971 through his hellish process. 372 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,873 Homer's been kidnapped. 373 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:49,142 -(gasps) -There's a note. 374 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,978 (speaking Spanish) 375 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,714 "We have taken your blubbering coward." 376 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,749 (speaking Spanish) 377 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,056 "The ransom is $1 million 378 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:06,059 or 100 Los Angeles Raiders season tickets." 379 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:09,028 -(speaking Spanish) -"Go, Raiders." 380 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,064 Oh, geez, I'm sorry, everyone. 381 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:13,533 We don't have the cash to ransom that kid, 382 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,568 but I think I know what he'd want: 383 00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,105 a special thanks in the closing credits 384 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,541 right before which kind of film stock we used. 385 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:22,875 Back to work. 386 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:26,179 No. This crew looks after its own. 387 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,414 We're gonna save Homer, 388 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:31,251 and I don't care how much golden time they have to pay us. 389 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,757 We don't have a million-dollar ransom, 390 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,359 but we do have one thing: 391 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,128 movie magic. 392 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,230 Powder up, everyone. 393 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,566 (all shouting) 394 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,703 -(laughs) - Ay, ay, ay! (speaks Spanish) 395 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,239 "Ay ay ay," indeed. 396 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,774 (crowd gasping) 397 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,943 Give us back our P.A.! 398 00:17:56,976 --> 00:18:00,547 The Americans, they have weapons from the future. 399 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,316 Yar! 400 00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:06,353 These weapons from the future, they are not real. 401 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,192 (imitating laser gun firing) 402 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,894 (imitating laser gun firing) 403 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,263 (groans) 404 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:20,133 Stop shooting. Stop shooting. Cut! 405 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:23,236 Okay, that's a five. 406 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,472 We don't have your million dollars, 407 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:28,275 but we can give you something much more valuable: 408 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,076 a Hollywood movie. 409 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:33,980 All we want back is the lowliest member of our crew. 410 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:36,749 We could sell it to the highest bidder at MIFED! 411 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:37,984 You have a deal. 412 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,588 No, no! You can't give away my masterwork. 413 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,991 "There's a light that shines from star to star, 414 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:49,262 from soul to soul, connecting everyone in the universe." 415 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,931 Be the man who believes in those words, 416 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:56,403 and let the light between me and Homer give life to our universe. 417 00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:02,242 Gentlemen, the film is yours. 418 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,617 You're a good man, Krusty. 419 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,385 Only when I'm with you, 420 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:15,888 which is why I never want to see you again. 421 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:18,291 I want that, too. 422 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,993 I've done a lot of interviews, man, but wow. 423 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:24,063 I-I am so glad that Byron Allen canceled. 424 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,399 And after that, my movie career was kaput. 425 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,401 I was sent back to kids TV 426 00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:32,171 and never cared about making anything good ever again. 427 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:35,242 Well, folks, you heard it. Who could ever forget it? 428 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:39,579 A heartbreaking story about a selfish man's one selfless act. 429 00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:41,080 Do you like hot cashews 430 00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,316 but don't have the time to heat them up? 431 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,686 'ShewBlasters is disrupting the heated nut business. 432 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:49,155 If the 'Shew heats, eat it! 433 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,258 (Krusty groans) 434 00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,937 -BART: Mom! Dad! -You guys never told us 435 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,205 you worked on a movie together. 436 00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,674 So that's why you've been wearing 437 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,509 that crew jacket all these years. 438 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,445 That crazy movie? Oh, man, that was a long time ago. 439 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,946 We were just kids. 440 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,181 What was it like? 441 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,916 Well, working on that movie set 442 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,252 turned out to be a lot like our marriage. 443 00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:22,355 Long days, stupid fights you don't remember, 444 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,357 but damn good breakfasts. 445 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,193 A good breakfast can get you through a lot. 446 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,363 But what happened to the movie? Did Krusty ever see it? 447 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,299 I don't know. I guess we'll never know. 448 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,366 (light buzzing) 449 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,436 The love crystal is whole once more. 450 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:40,907 The prophecy is fulfilled. 451 00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,285 (laughter) 452 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:55,588 -What? Why are they laughing? -They think it's a comedy. 453 00:20:55,622 --> 00:21:00,159 (groans) It was supposed to show how we're all connected. 454 00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:04,464 Look around, man. Maybe it did, maybe it did. 455 00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:07,600 If you think this is closure, you're nuts. 456 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,492 CREW GUY: Wahh-wahh.