1 00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,221 [grunting] 2 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,705 [school bell ringing] 3 00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:12,577 [belches] 4 00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:14,971 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,017 [stirring orchestral music playing] 6 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,082 -[music stops] -Each year, 7 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,519 one graduate receives the prestigious 8 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:44,740 Golden Baton Award for the most impressive 9 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:45,784 future conductor. 10 00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:50,137 But this year, we have two worthy recipients. 11 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,139 -[audience gasping] -Two? 12 00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:53,227 That's right. 13 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:57,100 Gustavo Dudamel and local wunderkind, 14 00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,450 Mr. Dewey Largo. 15 00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,539 [cheering and applause] 16 00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:05,500 I'm sure you will each achieve tremendous renown. 17 00:01:05,543 --> 00:01:08,024 No, wait. 18 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,895 I believe that one of you will. 19 00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:12,811 And the other will fail and have a horrible life 20 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:15,031 as a public school music teacher. 21 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,816 [cackling maniacally] 22 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,039 Oh... Dudamel. 23 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,737 Dudamel. Yo-Yo Ma! 24 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,044 Oh, Dewey, my pouty poppet. 25 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,785 You're having that dream again? 26 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:32,614 Oh, it's so cruel that my only triumph 27 00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:34,746 has become my recurring nightmare. 28 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,401 Oh, darling, you're cursedwith the memory of an elephant. 29 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,360 And the wrinkles to match. 30 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,797 Can't you just wake me with a slice of melon 31 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,059 and a drop of affection? 32 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,540 Whatever you say, Lord Grumpy of the Morning Breath. 33 00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:46,802 [laughs] 34 00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:55,289 Now, Petal, don't forget to call the dog walker. 35 00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:56,638 Tell him to come early. 36 00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,292 And easy on the leash. 37 00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,815 Oh, it's on my list. 38 00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:02,513 Also, don't forget to call someone about the water bill. 39 00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:04,863 I suspect a sputtering spigot. 40 00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:07,388 You know, you are home all day. 41 00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,606 Hence my annoyance. 42 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:11,174 Now, if you'll excuse me, Pinterest awaits. 43 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,741 [groans] 44 00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:15,396 -[dog grumbles] -Oh, shut up, Sir Winston, 45 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,572 or there'll be no cigar for you. 46 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:20,618 [discordantly playing Mozart's "Eine kleine Nachtmusik"] 47 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,104 MAN: Dear Mr. Largo, I am the musical director 48 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,671 of the Capital City Philharmonic. 49 00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:32,369 I've heard you've got talent. Big talent, major chops, 50 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:33,675 -the goods. -[exclaims] 51 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:35,459 [sustaining note] 52 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,679 So I'll be attending your concert tomorrow night. 53 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:40,116 Intriguingly yours, Victor Kleskow. 54 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,813 [sustaining note] 55 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,427 P.S. I will be bringing an outside beverage. 56 00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,342 Large, icy, nonalcoholic. 57 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:51,301 -[note fades] -Okay, gang. 58 00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:54,348 Our recital's tomorrow, and we're gonna be ready. 59 00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,828 And if you play the way I know you're capable of, 60 00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,135 you'll never see me again. 61 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,268 [theme from Patton by Jerry Goldsmith plays] 62 00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,400 You have hidden talent bubbling inside you, 63 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,663 and this baton will pop it right out. 64 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:09,058 Sherri, more fortissimo. Terri, more pianissimo. 65 00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:11,495 Milhouse, don't forget to tune your... 66 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:12,844 What the heck are you playing? 67 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,846 No one really knows. 68 00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:16,718 Well, then, wear it on your head. 69 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,243 Here we go. I'm gonna do something 70 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:23,290 I've never done as a teacher before: actually try. 71 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,074 One, two, three, four. 72 00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:26,858 [playing "Lieutenant Kijé Suite"by Prokofiev] 73 00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:43,005 ♪ 74 00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,758 ♪ 75 00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,501 Are you sure we're at the right school? 76 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:03,417 I mean, they sound good. 77 00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:06,898 Oh, my gosh, it's bearable. 78 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,596 [music swelling] 79 00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,775 [music stops] 80 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:15,777 [cheering, applause] 81 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,953 Sir? Did it move you? 82 00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:20,651 Skinner, didn't I ask for a buffer chair 83 00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:23,306 between you and me at all of these events? 84 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,177 Uh-uh. Buffer. 85 00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:30,400 Brilliant. How did you manage it? 86 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,880 It was good, wasn't it? 87 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,535 Let's just say I separated the wheat from the chaff. 88 00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:37,059 I'm in the F hole. 89 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,498 Oh, Salieri, patron saint of losers, 90 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,370 runners-up and also-rans, 91 00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,546 please let this Garfunkel become a Simon, 92 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,112 this Pepsi become a Coke, 93 00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,593 and this ugly duckling conduct Swan Lake. 94 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,031 Hi. Victor Kleskow. We're conductors, 95 00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:54,729 so don't shake hands; just a friendly wave 96 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,470 on the beat of four, three, two and done. 97 00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,819 I'm honored, maestro. 98 00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:58,907 Let's cut to the chase. 99 00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,343 That was good-- middle school good. 100 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,606 Tonight, I witnessed a once-in-a-semester talent 101 00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,608 that I must add to my organization. 102 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,175 -Dewey... -Uh-huh. 103 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,221 ...have to keep talking, or can I meet Lisa Simpson? 104 00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:10,962 But-but-but she's a child. 105 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,703 Yes, I'm scouting talent for our youth philharmonic. 106 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,749 Surely, you didn't think I wanted you? 107 00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:16,490 [sighs] No, no, of course not. 108 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:17,969 Lisa's right over there. 109 00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:19,623 Red dress, intelligent expression. 110 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,103 Can't miss her. 111 00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,588 Mr. Largo, he picked me. 112 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,546 [gasps] I'm sorry. 113 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,940 -I'm really glad you get to represent us. -[Willie humming] 114 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:35,204 It's like a little piece of meis taking a baby practice step. 115 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,293 That is so generous. 116 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,557 Yes, yes, there is an upside to having a broken spirit. 117 00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,778 Mr. Kleskow said my articulation 118 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:45,649 was the best he's ever heard. 119 00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:49,566 He said I sounded like a young Cannonball Adderley. 120 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,569 Ooh, is that the raccoon on Saturday morning cartoons? 121 00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,963 I'm talking about the famous jazz musician. 122 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:57,400 I don't know who you're talking about. 123 00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:00,403 The guy I'm thinking of would make himself into a ball 124 00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:03,275 and knock over all the crows. [laughs] 125 00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:06,540 Homie, this class is 30 miles each way. 126 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:07,889 We can do it! 127 00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:09,673 I'll practice in the car. 128 00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,110 60 miles in the car with Lisa practicing. 129 00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:13,982 I've got a symphony for you. 130 00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:16,027 [tune of Beethoven's 5th]: ♪ Sucks to be you 131 00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:17,986 ♪ Sucks to be you, sucks to be you ♪ 132 00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:19,814 ♪ Sucks to be you, sucks to be you. ♪ 133 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,250 [Marge grumbles] 134 00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:24,253 We can't afford a babysitter every day. 135 00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,776 Bart will have to come along. 136 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,517 And Maggie, too. 137 00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:28,692 Well, I got to ask. 138 00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:32,914 Should we really sacrifice everything for a gifted child? 139 00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:35,699 We'll always regret it if we don't. 140 00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:38,136 -Okay.-I wanted you to argue with me. 141 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:41,662 Youth orchestra costs $200 a month. 142 00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:43,664 Where's that money gonna come from? 143 00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:46,797 Well, I have an idea, but you might not like it. 144 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,495 Remember the show Breaking Bad? 145 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,932 About a dad who was desperate for money? 146 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,629 Homer, no. 147 00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,588 Marge, yes, I can do it. 148 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,285 I can sell my box set. 149 00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,722 We haven't even listened to the commentaries. 150 00:06:58,766 --> 00:06:59,723 Okay, not that. 151 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,725 I could always switch to a double shift 152 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,118 and work nights at the plant. 153 00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:05,033 Isn't that dangerous to your health? 154 00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:06,687 You think I'm in danger? 155 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:09,341 I am the danger. I'm the one who knocks. 156 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:10,908 Well, that's so protective. 157 00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,084 It's also a quote from Breaking Bad. 158 00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,521 [Marge groans] 159 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,871 You are really far behind. 160 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,875 [Breaking Badtheme plays] 161 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:31,668 [horns honking] 162 00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:33,496 MAN [on radio]: And Jesus said 163 00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,932 unto the Samaritan woman... 164 00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,021 [announcer speaking Spanish] 165 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:44,202 Good, good. When the Spanish station 166 00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:47,641 overpowers the Christian one,we're getting close to the city. 167 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:49,381 BART: Why do I have to be here? 168 00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:51,340 I specifically didn't get good at anything 169 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:53,211 to avoid drives like this. 170 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:56,301 If you were me,would you trust you home alone? 171 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,347 Hmm. 172 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,871 [horse whinnies] 173 00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,656 [chuckles] 174 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,398 [instruments tuning and warming up] 175 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,705 -Who's the new girl? -What does she play? 176 00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,359 Too small for a tuba. 177 00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:12,883 -Too big for a flute. -Well, maybe it's her lunch. 178 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:15,364 -Hi. I'm Lisa Simpson. -Shh. 179 00:08:15,407 --> 00:08:17,540 He might hear you. [coughs] 180 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,456 -Are you okay? -Don't tell him I'm sick. 181 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,936 The sick are left to die. 182 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:24,416 [coughs, hocks, spits] 183 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:27,028 Wow, even the violas are tense. 184 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,899 [playing an intense note] 185 00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,553 Everyone, say hello to Lisa Simpson. 186 00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,555 She's an actual musician, so she will be 187 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,166 a strange and wonderful creatureto the rest of you. 188 00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:36,559 We'll start with one of the classics. 189 00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,475 Theme from Knight Rider, second movement, bar 47. 190 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,477 One, two, three, four. 191 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,523 [playing Knight Ridertheme] 192 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,396 -[music stops] -I may have misspoken. 193 00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:49,224 Miss Simpson, was that an F sharp 194 00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:51,574 or a G flat that you played? 195 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,141 Well, that's a trick question, 196 00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,404 because they're the same. [nervous chuckle] 197 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,928 Oh, we have a music scholar in our midst. 198 00:08:57,972 --> 00:08:59,713 You're right, they are the same. 199 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:03,020 And if only you had played either one of them! 200 00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,935 [groans] Sorry? 201 00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,676 No, no, no. It's my fault. 202 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,460 I've been too soft on you, Lisa. 203 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,811 I've been letting you coast for almost two minutes. 204 00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:13,640 That ends now. Lisa alone, theme from Moonlighting, 205 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,467 second movement, andante! 206 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,775 [playing Moonlightingtheme] 207 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,997 Ow. Ow. Ow. 208 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,738 -Ow. Ow. -Bart. 209 00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,653 -Bart. -Just killing time. 210 00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,742 Ow. Ow. Ow. 211 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,831 Ow. Ow. 212 00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,528 -[Lisa panting] -Lisa. 213 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,530 Lisa, sweetie, are you okay? 214 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,707 He yelled at me, humiliated me in front of everyone. 215 00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:38,882 And then... 216 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,624 I never played better! 217 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,975 Aw, so we're doing this every day? 218 00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,412 -I guess so. -Oh, man. 219 00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,414 I've already got seat cushion butt. 220 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,112 Look. I sat on a nickel. 221 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,679 You can see the date. 222 00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:55,464 [gasps] That's a buffalo nickel. 223 00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:56,683 It's really valuable. 224 00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:57,988 Threw it in the gutter. 225 00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,121 -Coins are boring. -[groans] 226 00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:02,689 [Edvard Grieg's "In the Hall of the Mountain King" playing] 227 00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:10,131 Hey, welcome to the night shift.What are you in for? 228 00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:11,698 Because I hit the jackpot. 229 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,875 My kid's got a big future with the jazz. 230 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,660 Oh, I hear you, you'll do anything for your kids. 231 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,053 Then they turn on you. 232 00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:21,664 Well, I am through. Happily estranged. 233 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,231 [ringing] 234 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:25,146 Is that my kids? Oh, boy. 235 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,713 Steam valve. 236 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,497 It's never them. 237 00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,847 It's pretty dark in here.Can we turn on some more lights? 238 00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:33,676 Uh, no. The company can't afford the power. 239 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,286 Aren't we a power company? 240 00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,681 Never get high on your own supply. 241 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:39,856 [blows] 242 00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:42,816 [orchestra quietly playing] 243 00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:45,035 Uh, Mom, I think Maggie wants to go home. 244 00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:47,342 Maggie, is that what you want? 245 00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:53,783 Let's go home! Let's go home! 246 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,785 I'm sorry, is this annoying you? 247 00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:58,919 Ma'am, day care is happy to watch your son. 248 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,834 Bart Simpson, well-behaved child. 249 00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:01,791 Please don't Google me. 250 00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,401 -In you go! -[Bart yelps] 251 00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:04,838 [door locks] 252 00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:07,971 Who are you losers, and why am Ilocked in here with you? 253 00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:09,059 We're the siblings. 254 00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:11,583 Our brothers and sisters are the talented ones. 255 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:14,978 Do you know what it's like beingsecond banana to a third chair? 256 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:16,980 Shut up, Miles. 257 00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,634 [honks] 258 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,244 Hey, I don't belong here. 259 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,858 You're one of us. 260 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:29,079 ALL [chanting]: One of us. One of us. 261 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,821 -Afterthought. -Also-ran. 262 00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:32,953 Second string. 263 00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:35,738 GIRL: Unwanted child. 264 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,000 [all groaning] 265 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,309 You're pretty well-dressed for a kid. 266 00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:42,963 I'm a parent. 267 00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:45,617 A prize-winning novelist with no musical talent. 268 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,186 All right, first order of business, 269 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:50,579 do we have any chair challenges? 270 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,755 Excuse me, what's a chair chall... 271 00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,757 Great, our first volunteer, out for blood. 272 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,804 Lisa versus Brian, winner gets first chair. 273 00:11:57,847 --> 00:12:00,894 -Lisa, how could you? -No, I didn't mean to. 274 00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,897 Go, go, go, or I'll call you both Ubers back to Loser Town. 275 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:06,464 Damn it, surge pricing. I'll call it in later. Go! 276 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:08,510 ♪ 277 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,906 I've heard enough. 278 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,909 Brian, that was perfect... for second chair. 279 00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,998 Lisa, you have his spot. 280 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:20,174 -I had a good run. -No, you didn't. 281 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:22,176 Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. 282 00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:24,352 Never apologize for talent. 283 00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:26,702 Did Mozart apologize? I don't know. I wasn't there. 284 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,835 And even if I was, I'd have been pushing a plow. 285 00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,837 You think everyone gets to hang out with Mozart? 286 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,926 [Lisa moans] 287 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:36,364 LISA: Whoo-hoo! First chair. 288 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,932 [saxophone playing] 289 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,066 -Well, I'm off to the night shift. -[Snowball II yowls] 290 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:46,461 I'll miss you most of all, prime-time TV. 291 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:49,812 -Dad, do my feelings matter? -Of course they do. 292 00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,467 We just don't haveas much time for them as usual. 293 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,904 Go ahead, tell me what you're thinking. 294 00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:56,906 -Well, I... -I hear you, I understand you, 295 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,647 -and I love you. -But I... 296 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,867 Just put the rest on my Father's Day card. 297 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,694 Mwah. I'll see you at breakfast. 298 00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,696 [Marge cries] 299 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,960 There's nothing worse than being the parent 300 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,005 of a kid with promise. 301 00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,879 Oh, gosh. I've been so selfish. 302 00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:15,925 That's right. The only one who should monopolize 303 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,971 this family's time and attention is me, 304 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,755 because I could go at any moment. 305 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,191 Unless I keep talking. 306 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:22,976 Talking, talking, talking. 307 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,282 That's what keeps the grim reaper at bay. 308 00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,284 [phone vibrates] 309 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:30,897 I saw quite a bit of the grim reaper back in the war. 310 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:34,552 Back then, we called him The Ticket Out of Germany. 311 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:38,208 But the seating was cramped and the food was lousy. 312 00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:41,603 And that was the start of American Airlines. 313 00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,436 MAN [on radio]: ¿Accidentes? No problema. 314 00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,699 Teléfono ocho-ocho-ocho ocho-ocho... 315 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:53,745 Maggie, what are you doing? 316 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,748 I'll help her, Mom. 317 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,750 Help! Help! 318 00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:01,710 I was promised ice cream 50 miles ago. 319 00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,408 -[tires screech] -[sighs] We're here. 320 00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,372 -Homie? -[sighs] 321 00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:13,809 Everything's breakfast all the time. 322 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,943 Eggs. All I'm eating are eggs. 323 00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,815 I think it's turning my skin yellow. 324 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,774 Homie, are we sacrificing our family's happiness 325 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,733 for the sake of one member? 326 00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,735 When Lisa's making millions of dollars 327 00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:30,043 playing for the Utah Jazz, it'll be worth it. 328 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:33,046 The Jazz is a basketball team. 329 00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,830 No, it's... 330 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:43,491 Oh, my God, what have we done? 331 00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:45,536 [jazz playing] 332 00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,891 ♪ 333 00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:57,461 [tires screech] 334 00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:02,205 ♪ 335 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,435 Okay, listen up, you guys want to be 336 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,350 in your siblings' shadows your whole life? 337 00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:17,612 ALL: Yes. 338 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,353 It's cool in the shadow. 339 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,181 Well, I'm gonna tell you how to get attention. 340 00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,183 -Are you sure? -That sounds risky. 341 00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:25,011 I don't know about that. 342 00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:27,013 Here's what you do: misbehave. 343 00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:28,797 Call your dad by his first name. 344 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,755 If it's sticky, spill it. 345 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:33,062 -Make a shirttail wiener. -[kids laughing] 346 00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:34,324 -Yes! -I'll do it! 347 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:35,456 Yeah! 348 00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,197 Simpson, a word? 349 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,374 About your time with this band,I am afraid it's almost up. 350 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,853 Are you kicking me out? 351 00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,768 I wish.Ending people's musical careers 352 00:15:43,812 --> 00:15:45,074 is why I got into music. 353 00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,858 But no, your sin is having a birthday soon. 354 00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,991 You have to audition to move upto the next group. 355 00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:51,254 -How old are they? -Nine to 14. 356 00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:52,821 And then what's the group after that? 357 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,823 Fame, fortune, an affair with Hans Zimmer. 358 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,913 Well, sir, I'm ready for all but the last one. 359 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,262 You think you're ready? In nine to 14, 360 00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,134 we play notes you've never heard of. 361 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:04,050 M-flat, J-sharp, V, cursive G, Frank, Frank Natural. 362 00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,269 And those are just the ones you can hear. 363 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,010 I know you're playing mental games with me, 364 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,881 and I take it as flattery. 365 00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,449 Smart. Always smart. Well, this isn't a game! 366 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,147 It'll cost your parents more money, 367 00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,279 and it's a half hour farther from everywhere. 368 00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:19,456 Oh, well, I guess I better talk to my family, then, 369 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,720 and tell them the, uh... the good news. 370 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,461 Auditions are Tuesday. I sense you're conflicted. 371 00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,811 I was conflicted once. Band leader or prison guard? 372 00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:30,293 I chose the one where I could be more cruel. 373 00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:31,860 [bird cawing] 374 00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:35,081 So tired and irritable. 375 00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:37,779 Shut up. You shut up. 376 00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:46,483 ♪ 377 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,057 ["Midnight, the Stars and You" playing] 378 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:20,648 The usual, sir? 379 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:21,779 Thank you, Lloyd. 380 00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:23,477 And let me say, no one enables 381 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,696 a descent into madness better than you. 382 00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,133 I understand the family's 383 00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,352 getting to be a bit of a problem. 384 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:31,963 Yeah, but what are you gonna do? 385 00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:35,576 I hear radiation poisoning is a painless way to go. 386 00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:39,362 Maybe sprinkle a little plutonium in the salad. 387 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,799 -I don't eat salad. -Exactly. 388 00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:44,541 [chuckles] I see. 389 00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,890 [laughs] 390 00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:48,328 -No, I don't. -Kill your family. 391 00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:50,678 -How do I do that? -With the plutonium. 392 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:53,246 -Well, where do I put it? -In the salad. 393 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:56,988 -To what end? -To kill your family! 394 00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:59,687 Just what are you driving at? 395 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,993 ♪ 396 00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:04,779 ["Midnight, the Stars and You" playing] 397 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:12,613 Simpson, what the hell are you doing? 398 00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,354 Get back to your post. 399 00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:15,703 Geez, I nearly went insane 400 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:19,054 just to put my kidin an after-school music class. 401 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,838 I'm beginning to think it's not worth it. 402 00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:23,363 -Please, don't fire me. -[chuckles] Oh, don't worry. 403 00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:26,409 What happens on the night shiftstays on the night shift. 404 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,411 I'm not gonna hurt you. 405 00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:31,414 I'm just gonna bash your brains in. 406 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:35,070 [chuckles] There's our head of human resources now. 407 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,115 ♪ 408 00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:39,944 Well, this is it. 409 00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:43,426 If she makes it, it's five moreyears at least of driving. 410 00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,777 I gave Maggie a Sketch 'n' Etchto calm her down. 411 00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:49,606 HOMER: Oh, my God, she has talent, too. 412 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,348 -What are you looking at? -Uh, nothing. 413 00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:55,786 Make something else. 414 00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:58,615 ♪ 415 00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,748 LISA: I'm doing it. I'm gonna make it. 416 00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:04,230 Oh, but if I keep being this good, 417 00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:07,842 it'll mean more practice and more driving 418 00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:11,193 and more resentful looks from the baby. 419 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,326 Wonder what I'm gonna do. 420 00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:15,719 Ugh, I hate defining moments. 421 00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,030 [plays off-key] 422 00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:23,336 Stop! That's it, you failed. 423 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:24,859 Have fun playing for nickels on the street 424 00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:26,208 at the corner of Good But Not Great 425 00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:27,383 and Disappointment Boulevard. 426 00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:29,124 You don't exist for me anymore. 427 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,126 You're pretty mean for a teacher. 428 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,172 Yeah. You should see me as a father. 429 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:35,783 So, guess this is the last time 430 00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,785 we're doing this drive. 431 00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,830 Lisa, are you okay? 432 00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:41,832 Sure. Fine. Never been better. 433 00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:44,879 Hmm. You weren't crazy enough to fail on purpose 434 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,229 just to make life better for the rest of us? 435 00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:49,579 I'm fine. Probably, if I'd gotten it, 436 00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:52,800 all that work would have killed my love for music. 437 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:55,716 Or I think you would have gottenbetter and loved it more. 438 00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:56,717 [both grunt] 439 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,458 I know I loved that. 440 00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,503 And I love that I drove you to violence. 441 00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:01,722 -[grunts] -[both laugh] 442 00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:03,637 Don't make me come back there! 443 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,160 You wouldn't fit, fatso. 444 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,509 Oh, wouldn't I? 445 00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,163 -[Homer grunting] -[Marge gasps] 446 00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,644 [both laugh] 447 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:12,515 [laughs] 448 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,387 Maggie, are we good? 449 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:16,737 Oh, wow. 450 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:32,970 Why does this car always smell of cheese puffs? 451 00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:35,495 Is someone sad-snacking when he drives alone? 452 00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,627 It's not like I have anyone making me breakfast. 453 00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,455 But we're almost home, so close your eyes. 454 00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:40,630 There's a big surprise. 455 00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,545 -Come on, close them. -This is silly. 456 00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:43,720 Close them! 457 00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:45,548 Oh, Petal. 458 00:20:45,592 --> 00:20:47,507 Surprise. 459 00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:49,726 [gasps] A man, for me? 460 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,555 No. I changed the locks, and I'm kicking you out. 461 00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:55,776 But-but who gets Sir Winston? 462 00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,647 His name is Poochini. 463 00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,388 Very well. Poochini it is. 464 00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:00,694 [Largo gasps] 465 00:21:00,737 --> 00:21:03,740 That's all I ever wanted. I love you. 466 00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:08,745 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 467 00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,399 Shh!