1 00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:09,800 -[whistle blows] -[coach krupt] hustle up, snot rockets. 2 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,343 Today we start a unit 3 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,805 That will test your physical and emotional endurance. 4 00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:17,266 It will make men of you, if you survive. 5 00:00:17,268 --> 00:00:18,183 [all gasp] 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:22,271 I speak of social dancing. 7 00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:27,192 [overlapping whimpering] 8 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,902 If we dance with girls, that means 9 00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:31,280 We'll have to touch them. 10 00:00:31,282 --> 00:00:33,323 My mom says only sheeple wear masks, 11 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:34,366 But I don't care. 12 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:38,162 Cooties aren't a hoax. They're real. 13 00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:40,164 -Grow up. Maturity. -[grunts] 14 00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,832 -Rite of passage. -Ow! 15 00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:42,958 -Change is beautiful. -Ow! 16 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,669 You will learn the touchiest version 17 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,296 Of the texas two-step. 18 00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:48,756 Like so. 19 00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:51,967 [country music plays] 20 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,177 Get real close, boys! 21 00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:55,095 Body to body. No daylight. 22 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:57,181 We're gonna get cooties for sure. 23 00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:58,974 I'm gonna find a way to protect us. 24 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,685 Everyone solo dance till I get back. 25 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,729 ♪ 26 00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:11,904 Perfect. 27 00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,698 Quick, put these band-aids on your hands. 28 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,992 They'll block any and all girl contact. 29 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,494 Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! 30 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,457 Oh, I don't feel so good. 31 00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:27,753 Oh, these band-aids smell like my uncle claude. 32 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,588 Uh-oh. 33 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,799 Transdermal 34 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:35,677 Nic... O... Tine! 35 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:39,014 [all shouting, grunting] 36 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,478 [grunting] 37 00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:48,524 [yelling] 38 00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:51,026 [growling] 39 00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:52,694 [grunting] 40 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:56,156 Well, bart, you've really wet the mogwai this time. 41 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,534 This wasn't my fault. I didn't know those band-aids 42 00:01:58,536 --> 00:01:59,993 Would make everyone crazy. 43 00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,912 You expect me to believe that? 44 00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,956 Bart simpson, the prank king? 45 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,250 The boy who live streamed my colonoscopy 46 00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:07,793 To the second graders? 47 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,545 Hey, ralph did find that polyp. 48 00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,004 It was benign. 49 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,965 Unlike your punishment. 50 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:15,592 Fine, don't believe me. No one ever believes me. 51 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,094 Do your worst. 52 00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:20,514 Welcome to supermax detention. 53 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:22,975 [door creaks] 54 00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:24,768 Your worst was did. 55 00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:29,940 Did you see that video with the dancing canadian boy? 56 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,733 Yeah. Cute. 57 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:35,154 Did you see the "unlikely animal friends" video with the... 58 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,614 Raccoon and horse riding around. Good for them. 59 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:40,742 -Mm-hmm, they'll do that. -[phone chimes] 60 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,369 Oh. 61 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,080 Homer, we just got invited to a wedding... 62 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,207 In the poconos. 63 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,585 It's a destination wedding. 64 00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,962 -Oh, god, no. -What? 65 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:55,257 Let me educate you about destination weddings. 66 00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:59,344 Or, as I like to call them, forced vacations. 67 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,305 You fly halfway across the country 68 00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:04,433 To sit in a boring church, not on Sunday. 69 00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:06,476 Then you're stuck in a lousy hotel 70 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,687 For a whole weekend with a bunch of people 71 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,899 You don't know, or you do know and you hate. 72 00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,942 And that's just the beginning. 73 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,777 First there's the "welcome drinks," 74 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,655 Where the "signature cocktail" has a... 75 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,657 [gags] cucumber in it. 76 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,659 And this one's in the poconos, 77 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:26,830 Which sounds like islands, but it's just pennsylvania. 78 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,166 And you're forced to do all these 79 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,959 Preplanned activities, 80 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:33,545 Like a zipline you're too fat to use. 81 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,340 And they have to bring in a telephone bucket truck 82 00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:38,175 To get you down! 83 00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,177 And at the after-wedding brunch, 84 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:44,139 Everyone calls you johnny zipline. 85 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:47,017 And they open the presents in front of everybody, 86 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:49,770 So they all know from the online registry 87 00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,104 Yours is the cheapest. 88 00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:54,066 And it's all super expensive, so you have to waste 89 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,193 All the airline miles you got 90 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:59,112 When your credit card was stolen by scammers, 91 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:02,199 Who bought $50,000 of printer toner! 92 00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:05,410 Of course. Yes. The toner miles. 93 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,663 We can use them to fly to the wedding. 94 00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:10,290 Oh... But my rant. 95 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:13,252 Homer simpson, I can't think of anything more romantic 96 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:16,630 Than transporting ourselves to a magical setting 97 00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:18,840 To celebrate a new love. 98 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,260 We are going. 99 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:22,302 [whines] 100 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,557 There. Done. 101 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,142 Clean it again. 102 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,061 Ugh! This isn't fair. 103 00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,354 I didn't do anything wrong. 104 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,981 My only crime is I didn't want to do dancing 105 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,774 With some stupid girls! 106 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,943 Girls? That's why you're here? 107 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,362 [scoffs] be a man, boy. 108 00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:43,907 Don't fall apart over some lassie 109 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:47,995 With silky hair and a dimple you could get lost in 110 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,998 Like a bottomless pit of sweetness that... 111 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,917 [sobbing] 112 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:56,044 [grunts, shouts] 113 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,421 Oh, that feels better. 114 00:04:57,423 --> 00:05:01,466 So, you want to tell me about this girl? 115 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,552 [sighs] take a seat. 116 00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:05,887 [grunting] 117 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:09,141 It all happened in scotland, in me youth. 118 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:12,728 There was this girl that I loved. Maisie. 119 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,771 I thought she loved me back. 120 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,732 But she broke my heart. 121 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,817 That's why I came to america, 122 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,028 Blighted land of barbenheimmering 123 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,404 Wrestling believers. 124 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,657 To forget the fickle lass who let willie down. 125 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,827 And all women! [grunts] 126 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,537 I'm with you, brother. 127 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,497 [straining] 128 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,832 Who needs girls? 129 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,126 Now we're rage-bonding. 130 00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:39,880 [grunts] men don't let men down. 131 00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:44,718 [grunts] this is how we express emotion! 132 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,219 [laughs] 133 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,596 ♪ we're gonna have a good day ♪ 134 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,431 ♪ and all my homies gonna ride today ♪ 135 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:53,101 ♪ and all these mommies look fly today ♪ 136 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,853 ♪ and all we wanna do is get by today ♪ 137 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,188 ♪ hey ♪ 138 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,522 ♪ we're gonna have a good day. ♪ 139 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,940 Willie, get your wheelbarrow. 140 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:02,152 You won't believe what they threw out at the hospital. 141 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:05,989 Huh? Willie? Willie? 142 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,866 Seymour, willie's gone. 143 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,451 I can't find him anywhere. 144 00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:11,828 Ha. Willie disappears all the time. 145 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:15,624 He's probably drunk in a ditch on the outskirts of town. 146 00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,628 Oh, my god. Willie? 147 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:22,964 And then there's all the creepy wedding weekend hook-ups, 148 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:25,592 Which lead to the next destination wedding. 149 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:27,302 Dad, snap out of it. 150 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,762 Something's happened to willie. 151 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:31,681 Someone trashed his shack, and I can't find him anywhere. 152 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,850 -[facetime ringing] -[gasps] 153 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,561 -It's him. -Bart, my wee bestie. 154 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:40,649 I'm in edinburgh. I need you. Help! 155 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:44,319 [crying out] 156 00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,322 [bart] somebody kidnapped willie. 157 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,533 We've got to go to scotland and help him. 158 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:52,869 I'm the only person who cares about him in the world. 159 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:56,164 Homie, bart's begged us for a lot of things, 160 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,126 But I've never seen this look in his eye before. 161 00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:02,087 Not even when he begged us for that neck tattoo 162 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,798 Of a rattlesnake with a hand grenade tail. 163 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,176 But we can't just fly to scotland. 164 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:11,179 Marge, there is one way. 165 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,889 No, don't say it. 166 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,683 I have to say it. 167 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,852 -No. -The miles. 168 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:19,396 But-but the poconos. 169 00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:23,066 The miles, marge. They're transferable. 170 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:26,820 I know. I know they are. 171 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:30,607 Ugh, I guess we're not going to that destination wedding 172 00:07:30,609 --> 00:07:32,200 After all. 173 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,995 [scottish music plays] 174 00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,382 [gasps] that's the building from willie's call. 175 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,758 [tires screech] 176 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,969 Willie, where are you? 177 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,221 [willie] bart, is that you? 178 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,056 I'll save you, willie! 179 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,642 I won't let those bastards... 180 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,102 Pass you appetizers? 181 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:03,190 Oh, bart, you came. And just in time. 182 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,609 -In time for what? -My wedding. 183 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,777 Willie's getting married! 184 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:08,945 Married?! 185 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,157 [homer] welcome bags, schedule of events. 186 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,993 Losers from home, new people I already hate. 187 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,077 This is a... 188 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,371 Destination wedding. 189 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:22,417 [sobbing] no...! 190 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,134 What the hell, boy? A destination wedding? 191 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,720 You promised me a kidnapping, or murder. 192 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,180 Yeah, willie, what the hell? 193 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,641 On that call, it sounded like someone was killing you. 194 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:41,394 Oh, that was just maisie coming in for a snog. 195 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:45,023 Give us a smooch, you big, ugly bawbag. 196 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,318 Aw haud yer weesht 'fore I boke. 197 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,738 [both grunting, straining] 198 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,620 Maisie? Isn't that the girl that betrayed you? 199 00:08:58,622 --> 00:08:59,955 [laughs] 200 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:02,499 Well, there is a bit of a story there. 201 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:06,503 A love story. Ooh, please say it's long. 202 00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:09,714 It's all in the welcome-cocktail slide show. 203 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,383 Oh! 204 00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:13,593 [gentle romantic music playing] 205 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:18,348 [willie] I was working for maisie's da, 206 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,767 Harvesting peat in the peat bogs. 207 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:24,187 [maisie] burning peat is what gives whiskey its distinctive flavor. 208 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:27,732 And willie could sniff out the best bogs of them all. 209 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,442 And that's how we met. 210 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:32,279 [maisie] it was a "peat cute." [laughs] 211 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:36,366 [willie] I was the happiest mud smeller in the world. 212 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,910 But her family disapproved of me. 213 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,787 They tried to shovel us apart, 214 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:44,332 So we made plans to elope and sail away together. 215 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,167 But when I waited at the docks, 216 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,961 She did nae show. 217 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:51,631 So I left for america, alone and bitter. 218 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,384 The reason I didn't show was my family told me 219 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:55,802 Willie was eaten by a sheep. 220 00:09:55,804 --> 00:10:00,974 But when I saw your tiktok, I knew my love was alive. 221 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:04,185 She slid right into my dms. 222 00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:07,230 We started sexting right away. 223 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,859 [willie] so I dropped everything and came back, 224 00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,360 Where the whole family was waiting 225 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:15,405 With open arms and an apology haggis. 226 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,115 [applause] 227 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,327 Oh, willie, we cannot wait to shove that wonderful 228 00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:23,288 Nose of yours in the bogs again and take our whiskey 229 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:26,124 -Right back to the top. -[cheering] 230 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,210 Willie was the one person who understood my anger. 231 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:32,005 Now it's like all our screaming meant nothing. 232 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:34,007 Yeah, well, everything I hate about these things 233 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,216 Is coming true. 234 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,135 We just got here, and the weird hook-ups 235 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,137 Have already started. 236 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,807 So, is there a lunch mr. Dora? 237 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,685 -[laughs] -ew. 238 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,230 Mom, how come lisa doesn't have to do 239 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,441 All this lovey-dovey wedding crap? 240 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:52,984 Well, your sister isn't best friends 241 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,361 With the school janitor, 242 00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:57,197 So she went off to tour edinburgh on her own. 243 00:10:57,199 --> 00:11:00,158 Okay, I rubbed the toe of david hume's statue. 244 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,285 I climbed the walter scott monument. 245 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,829 I ate something called a scotch egg, 246 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,831 Which I very much regret. 247 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,875 [gasps] the fringe festival. 248 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,919 A celebration of theatrical irony 249 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,338 And self-awareness. 250 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,383 One for musical: The play, please. 251 00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:19,844 Sorry, darling, this ticket booth is ticket booth, 252 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,513 A one-man show about a ticket booth. 253 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,348 If you want to buy a ticket for ticket booth, 254 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,266 The ticket booth ticket booth is over there. 255 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:28,186 It's so clever without being good. 256 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,391 Thanks for joining us on our love hike 257 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,486 From moorland heath to heathland moor. 258 00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,238 And now, a gentle stroll 259 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,241 Through the seven hills of edinburgh. 260 00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:45,203 Aw, why can't all hills go down? 261 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,207 [scoffs] and look at all this cutesy romantic crap 262 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,000 They're forcing us to do. 263 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,421 When am I gonna get some free time?! 264 00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:57,132 Listen, mister, you're the one who dragged us here, 265 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:59,926 Spending a lifetime of frequent-flier miles, 266 00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:02,178 And I'm not gonna let you ruin this for me. 267 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,889 So how about you just suck it up 268 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,975 And do the cute activities? 269 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:10,061 ♪ if you find yourself caught in love ♪ 270 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:14,065 ♪ say a prayer to the man above ♪ 271 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,776 ♪ thank him for everything you know ♪ 272 00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:20,029 ♪ you should thank him for every breath you blow ♪ 273 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,451 ♪ if you find yourself caught in love ♪ 274 00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:27,537 ♪ say a prayer to the man above ♪ 275 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,874 ♪ thank him for every day you pass ♪ 276 00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:34,002 ♪ you should thank him for saving your sorry ass. ♪ 277 00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,129 Look, lis, I'm gonna ask you for something 278 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,590 I've never asked before. Your opinion. 279 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,717 You literally haven't said a word to me 280 00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,010 This entire trip. 281 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,970 Well, now I am, okay? 282 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,597 [sighs] oh... 283 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,057 Hanging out with willie was the one time 284 00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:51,269 I ever felt I wasn't the only crazy one, 285 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,062 That someone understood me. 286 00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:55,356 And now he's gone goo-goo for this girl 287 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,400 Whose family screwed him over. 288 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,735 What do I do? 289 00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,487 Well, when someone gets a chance 290 00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,197 To put an end to their loneliness, 291 00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:03,573 They gotta take it. 292 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:05,909 Have you ever seen willie this happy? 293 00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,869 ♪ 294 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,997 Not even when skinner got kicked in the face 295 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,916 At the krav maga assembly. 296 00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:16,169 So be happy for his happiness. 297 00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:18,171 ♪ 298 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,634 [laughs] so, maisie, 299 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,887 Tell me more about your fairy-tale romance. 300 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,598 You're like two shreks in a swamp. 301 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,308 Aw, it's the same old story. 302 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,852 Numpty meets bird, they start to doggin', 303 00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:35,021 Get told each is deid, then reunite 304 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:37,607 And pick right up again with the hochmagandy. 305 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:40,068 [laughs] that's so romantic. 306 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,861 Unlike... Ugh. 307 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,446 Hmm? Mmm. 308 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,449 You know what, I'm making a toast. 309 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,159 Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. 310 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,911 -Shut up, everybody. -Ah! 311 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:53,832 Look at these kids, so in love. 312 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,750 When homer and I first got together, 313 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:56,918 We were the same. 314 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,420 We couldn't keep our hands off each other. 315 00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:03,550 Now we just spend every night doom-scrolling our life away, 316 00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:07,637 And watching a squirrel surf on the back of an alligator. 317 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,265 Marge! Trashing our marriage is something that should 318 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,475 Only be done in the privacy of our home. 319 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,478 And that's our romance for the ages. 320 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,607 It began with a wild night in a mini-golf windmill, 321 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:22,735 And now... [blows raspberry] 322 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,237 How can you say that?! 323 00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,197 This is the worst thing that's ever happened 324 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,700 In the beheading room of this castle. 325 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:36,833 Bart, I want to thank you for bringing me back to maisie. 326 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,127 I've never been so happy. 327 00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,129 You know, I think I get it. 328 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,256 Good lad. That's why I'm giving you 329 00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:45,842 A very important role in the wedding. 330 00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:48,678 You're going to lead the dance. 331 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,847 Ooh, a spikey american. 332 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,599 [country music plays] 333 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:58,396 No! Men don't let men down! 334 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,564 [straining] 335 00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:03,693 Our cake. 336 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,988 Now what will you shove in my gob? 337 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,198 [sobbing] 338 00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:13,536 You wee bastard. 339 00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,496 You ruined my wedding. 340 00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:16,539 Good. 341 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,249 That's the only friend 342 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,542 That you made in america? 343 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:20,585 Aye. 344 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,884 Oh, my head. Homie, what do you take 345 00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:30,720 For a hangover? Huh? 346 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,431 Oh, fine, be that way. 347 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,434 For once, I'm the one who spoke truth while drunk. 348 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:40,897 Oh-oh. Running away from a fight, huh?! 349 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:43,566 Well, I'm still mad at you! 350 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,193 Well, I'm still mad at you! 351 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:48,071 You told everyone that I don't care about romance, 352 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,949 And now they think homer simpson is vanilla 353 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,283 In the sack! 354 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,662 [echoing] homer simpson is vanilla in the sack! 355 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,080 Vanilla in the sack! 356 00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,706 Vanilla in the sack! 357 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,375 Vanilla in the sack! 358 00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,460 Bad at sex! 359 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,091 I can't believe I ever looked up to that guy. 360 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:09,759 Stupid willie. 361 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,095 [man cackling] 362 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,846 Stupid willie. 363 00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:16,474 That nobody thinks he can be a macweldon? 364 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,977 Ha! All he's good for is his nose. 365 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,646 Once they're married, willie will sniff out 366 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,440 A mother lode of good peat. 367 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,150 And then he's out! 368 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,860 And then maisie can find a proper husband, 369 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,779 Not some floor-waxing puke-mopper. 370 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,406 [sinister laughter] 371 00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:34,117 This whole thing was a setup to use willie? 372 00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,411 That girl doesn't even love him? 373 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,330 Why would you do that to my friend? 374 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,000 Wee sleekit cowerin' timerous beasties 375 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:46,963 Shouldn't stick their nebs in other people's bizzo. 376 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:50,008 I have no idea what you just said. 377 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,592 B-but I get the context. 378 00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,469 [both grunt] 379 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,429 Let me out! 380 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,597 Oh, no, you're staying right here 381 00:16:56,599 --> 00:17:00,435 With your only entertainment, this cribbage board. 382 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:03,229 [laughs] 383 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,233 Hey, where are the pegs? 384 00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,902 Oh, they're in this little drawer. 385 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,989 [organ playing] 386 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,536 [marge] homer would never get how sweet this is. 387 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,373 How'd I wind up with the most unromantic man on earth? 388 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,167 [phone chimes] 389 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:27,253 Why is he texting me during a wedding? 390 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,089 Hmm? 391 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,428 [laughing] 392 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:38,765 They shouldn't be together, but they are. 393 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,433 [gasps] 394 00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,268 Oh... 395 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,729 [panting] 396 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,064 [gasps] 397 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,941 Homer! 398 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,443 Marge! 399 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:54,072 Did you get my gorilla-dolphin video? 400 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:57,784 It was so unlikely, just like us. 401 00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:00,203 That's why I sent it to you! 402 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,705 I'm sorry I trashed our marriage 403 00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:04,707 In a rehearsal dinner toast. 404 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:09,003 I'm sorry I was such a downer about this destination wedding. 405 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,589 I should have just pretended to go along with it, 406 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,884 Like I do with everything else in our marriage. 407 00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:17,178 ♪ 408 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,557 I don't care if our romance began 409 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:24,352 When we did it on a mini-golf course. 410 00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:26,104 It's still epic. 411 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,815 How epic would it be if we did it on 412 00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:32,443 The best golf course in the world? 413 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,905 You are so romantic. 414 00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:39,325 Fore... Play. 415 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,369 [both moaning] 416 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:45,998 I gotta get out of here and warn willie 417 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,501 That girl's just marrying him for his nose. 418 00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:49,585 [groans] 419 00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:56,634 Birdseed bags, soap with willie's face on it, 420 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,885 Sleep masks. 421 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,470 Aha. 422 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:03,850 I, groundskeeper willie, take you, booze-maker maisie... 423 00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:04,934 [bart] stop the wedding. 424 00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,185 Stop the wedding! 425 00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,104 -[people gasping] -what are you doing, boy? 426 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,356 Why don't you want willie to be happy? 427 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,233 [grunts] I do! 428 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:13,901 This girl doesn't love you. 429 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,987 Her family only brought you here 430 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,864 For your peat sniffing. 431 00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:21,701 Pa, hamish, owen, can this be true? 432 00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,286 Of course it's true. 433 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,163 You're just a nose to us. 434 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,998 We've got to compete with 435 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,458 All these celebrity booze brands. 436 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:32,545 From your tall, dark clooneys to your wee danny devitos, 437 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:36,215 There's no room for a passable entry-level scotch. 438 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:39,260 William, I didn't know about any of this. 439 00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:42,930 I swear, I'd love you even if you never sniffed 440 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,266 Another bog as long as you lived. 441 00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:47,852 I wish I could believe you. 442 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,562 I'll prove it. 443 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:51,731 -[shouts] -[pained groan] 444 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,191 [all gasp] 445 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,819 Ah, you broke my sniffer. 446 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,613 You do love me. 447 00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:01,699 -Forever and a day. Ugh! -Ow. 448 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,619 I'll never smell nothing again. 449 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,995 [all] aww. 450 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:08,122 I think I get it, lisa. 451 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,082 I understand love now. 452 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,500 [maisie shouts] 453 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,714 Captioning sponsored by 20th century fox television 454 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,257 And fox broadcasting company 455 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,800 And toyota. 456 00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,094 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org 457 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,309 ♪ willie was a lonely guy ♪ 458 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:29,977 ♪ cleaning out toilets ♪ 459 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:32,021 ♪ and sawdusting puke ♪ 460 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:35,107 ♪ watching as his life went by ♪ 461 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:38,861 ♪ his only friend was a ten-year-old boy ♪ 462 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:41,322 ♪ maisie was a scottish lass ♪ 463 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,326 ♪ thinking that her love was killed by a sheep ♪ 464 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:48,704 ♪ 20 long years did pass ♪ 465 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:52,625 ♪ then she saw him on a chinese social media app ♪ 466 00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:56,212 ♪ willie raced to scotland, simpsons had to follow ♪ 467 00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:59,340 ♪ destination wedding, homer full of sorrow ♪ 468 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:02,885 ♪ bart was total raging, marge got mad at homer ♪ 469 00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:06,639 ♪ marge got really steaming, not affect the wedding ♪ 470 00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:08,057 ♪ made a drunken toast ♪ 471 00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:10,226 ♪ lisa loved the festival ♪ 472 00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:11,894 ♪ and you just saw it in this show ♪ 473 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,521 ♪ and we all love the musical ♪ 474 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,273 ♪ the wedding day turned out triumphant ♪ 475 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,024 ♪ this love song is redundant ♪ 476 00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,694 ♪ remember how it used to be ♪ 477 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:24,657 ♪ when our love was young, many golden memories. ♪ 478 00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,079 Shh!