1
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:09,008
♪ I'm getting the mail,
hallelujah ♪
2
00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:10,259
♪ I'm getting the mail ♪
3
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:12,136
♪ it's something to do. ♪
4
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:15,347
Hmm. What the helen mirren?
5
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,017
Stimulus checks?
6
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:21,311
We were supposed to cash these
during the pandemic.
7
00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:24,106
Should we spend the money now
or wait for the next one?
8
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:26,775
So what are we gonna blow it on,
jet ski or motorbike?
9
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,318
Vroom, vroom, vroom!
10
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,156
Mom, there is something I've
always wanted for this family,
11
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,116
But it's not a thing, exactly...
12
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,868
Vroom?
-...But rather,
13
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,536
It's an experience.
14
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,746
Something we can all treasure
15
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:40,664
And talk about
for years to come.
16
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,166
Wow.
17
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,126
Well, then maybe
we should do it.
18
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,794
Wait, that's the move?
19
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,172
Go all sincere and emo? Gross.
20
00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:50,049
Vroom, vroom, vroom,
vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
21
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,134
There is one small issue.
22
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:55,721
My idea will take
some finessing with dad.
23
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:56,847
Hmm.
24
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:59,183
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
25
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,894
Surprise money,
then a surprise cruise?
26
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:04,855
Two is the perfect number
of surprises.
27
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,983
It sure is, dad.
We're going on a regular cruise
28
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,986
With absolutely nothing about it
you'd hate.
29
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:14,073
What the hell is wrong
with this boat?
30
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,116
[homer whimpers]
31
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:19,119
"the pacific princess leia
is a cruise by and for
32
00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,163
"fans of sci-fi, fantasy,
33
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:24,208
Comic books,
anime and video games."
34
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:28,003
But-but those are all just
different names for...
35
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,173
♪ nerds ♪
36
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:35,594
♪ exciting and new ♪
37
00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:39,598
♪ play pickleball ♪
38
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:43,602
♪ with doctor who ♪
39
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:47,022
♪ the nerd boat ♪
40
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:51,485
♪ your wolverine t-shirt
is like a tux ♪
41
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,404
♪ the nerd boat ♪
42
00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:59,743
♪ where everyone
knows the new star wars sucks ♪
43
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,537
♪ the drinks are all virgin ♪
44
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:05,666
♪ just like
all the guests on board ♪
45
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,585
♪ too busy geeking on movies ♪
46
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:12,673
♪ from miller and lord ♪
47
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,510
♪ and nerds ♪
48
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:20,139
♪ won't hurt anymore ♪
49
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:25,602
♪ that's a vow from your crew ♪
50
00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:29,481
♪ the fantastic four ♪
51
00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:33,902
♪ you're nerds ♪
52
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:39,992
♪ welcome aboard, you nerds. ♪
53
00:02:40,119 --> 00:02:41,285
Stop this loving homage!
54
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,786
I see what you're doing--
55
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:46,039
Celebrating outcast culture
that used to be on the fringes--
56
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,666
And I don't like it!
57
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,293
You nerds stop playing dress-up
58
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:52,078
Or else I'm gonna wedgie you,
and swirly you,
59
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,755
And purple your nurples
until they--
60
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,632
[moans]
61
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,595
Hey, check out that avatar
volleyball tournament.
62
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,097
It's na'vi vs. Last airbenders.
63
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,476
And I'll be on
the "harvey" deck.
64
00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:10,397
Look at all those cadburys.
65
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,857
Mmm.
66
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,610
Oh, my god,
is that taika waititi?
67
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:15,736
[giggles]
68
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,863
I love everything you do.
69
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,365
Your thor movies,
what we do in the shadows.
70
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:24,995
[gasps] oh, and you're by far
my favorite on-screen hitler.
71
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,538
Take that, the late bruno ganz.
72
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,458
Well, if you loved that, you'll
certainly be in a "führer"
73
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,502
Over my newest acting role
as daerius d'avignon,
74
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:37,007
Medieval d'tective, in the new
$300 million streaming show
75
00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,218
Murder, he swords.
76
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,638
The murderer is...
The black plague.
77
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:44,097
Again.
78
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,474
[groans]
79
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,977
You know it's good because
it's based on existing I.P.
80
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,979
[trance-like]
I.P., I.P.
81
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,898
[maggie sucks pacifier]
82
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:55,817
[announcer]
please welcome the king
and queen of this nerd prom:
83
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,445
Comic and kumiko book guy.
84
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:02,241
Out of my way,
league of non-legends.
85
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,534
Gaze upon your betters and weep.
86
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,495
Behold,
87
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,081
I have brought the jewel of
my collectible collection.
88
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,959
The rarest treasure
in all of geekdom:
89
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,294
A radioactive man action figure
90
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:17,756
Accidentally manufactured
with wolverine claws.
91
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,009
Gaze upon it
and lose your mind.
92
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,303
[cheering and applause]
93
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,013
Only two of those defective toys
94
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,974
Were made before
they caught the mistake.
95
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,267
This you remember,
96
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:31,436
But every year,
our anniversary evades you.
97
00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,480
Don't embarrass me
in front of the other blades.
98
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,107
[snickering]
99
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,484
Vomit book guy is on the boat?
100
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,569
Ugh, cruise ruined.
101
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,989
What do you have against
the comic book guy?
102
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,242
I walked into his store
two weeks ago...
103
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,619
I know this is weird,
but I actually drew
104
00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:49,663
A comic book of my own.
105
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,206
[comic book guy]
hmm.
106
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,417
Check it out.
He's half-croc, half-gator,
107
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,835
And full prankster.
108
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,213
Huh. Wow. You know what?
I'm really impressed.
109
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,132
I'm going to fax
this right away
110
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,593
To my friends at
"man, you suck publishing."
111
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:05,846
[gasping]
112
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,849
[laughs] you suck!
113
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,434
[all laughing]
114
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,352
I swear to god,
one day I'm going to
115
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:15,063
Get my revenge
on comic book guy.
116
00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:17,983
♪
117
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,193
[lively chatter]
118
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,696
I hate this stupid baby
dress-up cruise.
119
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,698
And why can't I be uncle fester?
120
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:28,035
I'm bald, and I already own
several black muumuus.
121
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:32,080
Ooh. Wait, this stuff doesn't
have punny names, does it?
122
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,041
No, it's just like
any other cruise,
123
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:36,960
Infinite food
for gluttonous slobs.
124
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,964
Taika, why are you eating
all by yourself?
125
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,716
To maintain energy
for all my writing,
126
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,677
Directing, acting,
and rakish smirking.
127
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,346
Plus, it's in my cruise rider.
128
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,307
I also get a cabin facing
the sunrise and the sunset,
129
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,433
Unlimited vegemite,
130
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,561
And the top tier
of any seafood tower.
131
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:55,687
Ah...
132
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,522
Hmm... Hmm?
133
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,776
Oh!
134
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,277
Now on display,
135
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:06,156
The exquisitely flawed
radioactive x-gentleman,
136
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:10,660
Aka wolveractive man,
aka radio-verine.
137
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,038
[crowd exclaims]
138
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,832
Oh, look out. [grunts]
139
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,417
Don't give that guy money.
140
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,086
He's a dream-crushing jackass
141
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,754
And he doesn't deserve
dollar one.
142
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:25,050
I hope one day someone destroys
the thing you love most.
143
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,094
[crowd exclaims]
144
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,179
[carl]
somebody turned off the lights.
145
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,140
-[crowd gasping]
-[gasps]
146
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,393
[lenny]
the doll's head. It's gone.
147
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,396
Speak to me, oh, headless
radioactive collectible.
148
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:42,442
Oh, sweet suffering mate.
Let me share in your distress.
149
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,569
[singing in japanese]
150
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,073
Who could have done
such a thing?
151
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,409
Who c-- [stammers]
152
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,661
Oh, the agony!
153
00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,871
I wager bart simpson did this.
154
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,581
He had the motive, means
155
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,542
And he's a notorious stinker.
156
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:02,170
That is a recipe for murder.
157
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:06,007
And look at the three tiny
scratch marks on bart's cheek.
158
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:10,762
No one murders a doll
on my ship. To the brig.
159
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,347
[to the addams family theme]
♪ ba-da-da dum, ba-da-da dum ♪
160
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,599
♪ ba-da-da dum ♪
d'oh! D'oh!
161
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,813
I swear, I didn't
kill that doll.
162
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:21,189
Stop lying, boy.
163
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,025
I can't believe you ruined
my dream cruise.
164
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,569
You hate this cruise.
165
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:28,613
No, I hate the theme
and the people and the boat.
166
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,532
But I love the food.
167
00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:35,078
Mr. And mrs. Simpson,
I know it's hard for you
168
00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:37,747
To see your son in
this tiny cruise ship jail.
169
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,416
It is.
170
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:40,917
Well, don't you worry.
171
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:42,294
Tomorrow he'll be taken ashore
172
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:44,921
And locked in
a full adult prison.
173
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:48,133
-No!
-[gasps]
-but with all the amenities...
174
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,217
Okay.
175
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,678
The amenities are
a notorious prison gang.
176
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,597
They really hate children.
177
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,223
-No!
-No!
178
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:01,188
Lis, I know it looks bad,
but I'm really scared.
179
00:08:01,223 --> 00:08:02,814
I swear I didn't do it.
180
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,274
I don't know.
181
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,193
You've beheaded
many of my dolls,
182
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,237
From malibu stacy
to fire island frank.
183
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,656
Oh, those aren't valuable.
They're yours.
184
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,534
Bart, you've lied to me
so many times before,
185
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,119
How could I ever believe you?
186
00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:18,580
Okay, but this time
I'm telling the truth,
187
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:22,167
And to prove it, I'm gonna
own up to all my past lies.
188
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,418
[inhales sharply]
189
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,253
That time when the dog
buried your saxophone
190
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:27,005
In the garden, he had some help.
191
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,256
When malala called you
on your birthday
192
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,550
To tell you to suck lemons,
that was me.
193
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,761
That time you woke up in
a bathtub full of garlic knots--
194
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,721
I get it, I get it.
You're terrible.
195
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,390
Okay, I figure
I only get one time to say,
196
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,268
"lis, you gotta believe me
no matter what."
197
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,812
Right now,
I am playing that card.
198
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,857
I did not destroy that doll.
199
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,610
Oh, my god. I believe you.
200
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,112
-[angry crowd clamoring]
-oh.
201
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,242
The only way
to clear bart's name
202
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,035
Is to figure out
who really did it.
203
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,538
But I can't do it all by myself.
I need help.
204
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:00,705
I'll help you.
205
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,415
No, hang on,
let me try that again.
206
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,876
I'll help you! Nailed it.
207
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,837
Taika waititi? Seriously?
208
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,881
You'll help me
exonerate my brother?
209
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,716
Of course. Why? I'll tell you.
210
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,218
Because I have
a medical condition
211
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,554
Where I have to be
multitasking at all times.
212
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,598
Well, my brother can't be
the only person on this ship
213
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,141
Who hated comic book guy.
214
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,685
So, I guess we'll just
have to question
215
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,187
Every passenger on the manifest.
216
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,273
Why don't we start with
fans of the taika-verse?
217
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,068
Whoops, that's everyone.
[laughs]
218
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,319
Let's go.
219
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:34,114
I hate comic book guy
and I hated that doll
220
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,741
Because it originally
belonged to me.
221
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,326
[gasps]
222
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,746
[gasps]
223
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,417
Oh. Oh. Ooh.
224
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,128
Oh, oh. Oh. Ooh! Ooh.
225
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,089
Hi. Excuse me,
but I will take this, uh,
226
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,134
Non-priceless,
completely valueless garbage
227
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:58,305
-Off of your hands for, uh, $11.
-Huh?
228
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:01,808
But, dad, I think it might
be worth a lot more.
229
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,893
Who cares, milhouse?
230
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:07,022
This is two $5 footlongs
and a weird cookie.
231
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:11,359
Hey, luann, anniversary dinner
is back on, baby.
232
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,863
I didn't destroy
that action figure,
233
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,823
But I sure had a motive.
234
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,867
A clear motive.
235
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,078
I don't know why
you're interrogating me.
236
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:25,290
I have no bone to grind with
that comic book chap.
237
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,877
Really?
Even after comic book guy
238
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,420
Led an online troll army
239
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:34,007
To demand you be fired
and replaced in this?
240
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:37,177
[announcer]
from the producers of
mad max comes a vision
241
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,304
So dark, so violent
242
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,514
And so wacky.
243
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,433
Sideshow mel.
244
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:48,104
We'll kill them all,
or my name isn't dick dastardly.
245
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:51,566
And timothée chalamet
as muttley.
246
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,652
[wheezing laugh]
247
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,572
Curse that funny-book fiend.
248
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,741
He mobilized both
the hanna-barbarians
249
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,660
And the wack-olytes against me
250
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,287
In a devastating
online petition.
251
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,247
[lisa gasps]
252
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,874
[rumbling]
253
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,250
First of all,
that looks so good,
254
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,461
I'm surprised
I didn't direct it.
255
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,380
Did I? October was crazy.
256
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:16,424
But mel, would your
bone-trembling anger
257
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:17,509
Lead you to destroy
258
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,470
Comic book guy's
most prized possession?
259
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,722
It would! But it didn't.
260
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,974
But it could! And if I did,
261
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,602
I would lie about it to you now!
262
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,522
But I'm not. But I would!
263
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,110
Why are you
wasting your time with me?
264
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,529
I love my greasy snowman husband
265
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,407
And his tragic blooper
of an action figure.
266
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,660
We have security footage
that says differently.
267
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:52,961
It's true, I hated that
injection-molded monstrosity.
268
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,255
When I first met comic book guy,
269
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,590
I was his priceless collectible.
270
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,134
But now, when we make love,
271
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,970
My husband calls out
the doll's serial number.
272
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:06,182
I just want back my sweet
comic book gaijin.
273
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,226
[sobs]
274
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,482
So many passengers could have
committed doll-icide.
275
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,900
Hmm.
276
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,360
Poor bart. Ah, but geez,
277
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:20,989
Look at the mess
he left in our cabin.
278
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:22,907
[gasps]
279
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,745
Oh, dear god.
280
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:28,288
I didn't think bart did it
281
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,373
But then I found
this radioactive head
282
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:33,126
From the decapitated doll
in bart's stuff.
283
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,587
He looked me right in the eyes
284
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,547
And said he didn't do it.
285
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,591
I can never trust him again.
286
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,134
-[cries]
-oh, sweetie,
287
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:44,554
You've just learned
one of life's hardest lessons.
288
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:47,015
Sometimes, no matter
how much you love someone,
289
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,642
They're just
going to let you down.
290
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,269
For your mother, it's me.
291
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,521
Just try to get
some sleep, honey.
292
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:57,734
Bart will still be
horribly guilty in the morning.
293
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:01,738
[sighs]
294
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,323
-[knock on door]
-hmm?
295
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:07,076
Rainer wolfcastle?
296
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,661
There is something
I must tell you
297
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:12,490
About the night of the fanquet
and subsequent toy murder.
298
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,958
When everything went dark,
299
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,252
I was wearing
my night-vision goggles,
300
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,963
From my upcoming film
the night-vision goggler.
301
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,673
[gasps] did you see who did it?
302
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:23,843
Patience, fräulein.
I did see the culprit,
303
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:27,722
And I am about to tell you
who he or she is.
304
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,725
Watch as the words
emerge from my mouth.
305
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,312
The doll murderer
is nein other than--
306
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,688
Ouch.
307
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:39,526
I will be passing out now
and all of these things.
308
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,236
[groans]
309
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,362
[gasps]
310
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,705
[groans] damn it.
311
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,085
Ugh.
312
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,174
Lisa. Are you also up
dusting for prints?
313
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,968
That's what I call
eating leftover food
314
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,053
Off people's room-service trays.
315
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,431
I don't care!
316
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:14,060
If one more
horrible thing happens,
317
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,895
I'm going to lose it.
318
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,230
[kumiko screams]
319
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:21,734
My sweet comic book guy is gone.
320
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,445
Of course he is.
321
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,613
I mean...
322
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,448
[shouts]
323
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,580
Bart's in jail,
our one credible witness
324
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:34,664
Just got sucker-shielded,
325
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,040
Comic book guy is missing,
326
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,126
And we're still no closer
to solving the case.
327
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,961
So many twists and turns.
328
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,754
What kind of
murder mystery is this?
329
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,340
Stop talking, taika waititi.
330
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,550
That's it.
331
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,176
I know who murdered the toy.
332
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,887
But I just need one thing:
333
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:52,515
An audience to watch me
milk the big reveal.
334
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:55,351
The murder of comic book guy's
action figure
335
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:58,938
Was committed
by comic book guy himself.
336
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,274
Based on a hunch,
I wrote to lloyd's of london,
337
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,527
And I got this response
from lloyd himself. Good guy.
338
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,614
Comic book guy had the doll
appraised and insured
339
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,617
For 935,000 british pounds.
340
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,035
[all exclaiming]
341
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,411
So, he turned off the lights
342
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,955
And murdered
the plastic action man himself
343
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,415
For the insurance money.
344
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,459
But then he knew
that we were onto him,
345
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,544
Or, let's face it,
I was onto him.
346
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,421
So, he took flight
in the dead of night,
347
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,965
But not before planting
the doll's head in bart's cabin,
348
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,842
And knocking out
the one witness to the crime,
349
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,762
Washed-up action star
rainier wolfcastle.
350
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,305
That's fair.
351
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,765
[moans]
352
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,600
Now comic book guy's probably
353
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,852
On a tropical beach somewhere
sipping mai tais.
354
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,396
Little does he know
that his heinous crime
355
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:43,691
Has been exposed by me,
master sleuth
356
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,027
And star of the upcoming reboot
357
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,363
Kiwi's big adventure,
358
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,948
Taika waititi.
359
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,532
[cheering]
360
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:54,494
Wow, he really did it.
361
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,665
Oh, my god.
362
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,833
How could I have been so stupid?
363
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:04,337
Amazing work, taika waititi.
364
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,381
I know you just
cracked the case,
365
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,675
But I have a little
theory of my own.
366
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,468
Does anyone want to hear it?
367
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:11,761
[all]
no!
368
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,389
Oh, come on, people.
What's the harm?
369
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,723
Thank you, taika.
370
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,308
Now, as you recall,
371
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,728
There were only two of these
irregular radioactive man dolls
372
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,981
Made in the whole world.
373
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,024
-Oh, I remember.
-[murmurs of agreement]
374
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,485
What if the owner
of the other doll
375
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,112
Received some bad news
376
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,406
And broke their action
figure in a fit of rage?
377
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:35,076
And then what if that owner came
on this cruise specifically
378
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,830
To swap out their broken figure
for comic book guy's intact one
379
00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:41,541
So that they could secretly
possess the only radioactive man
380
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,210
With wolverine claws
left in existence?
381
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,755
And I just discovered something
quite interesting,
382
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,882
Thanks to the ship's
onboard wi-fi,
383
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:52,635
Which is spotty at best.
384
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,722
According to this website,
385
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,640
That second doll was sold
386
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,350
In wellington, new zealand,
387
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,645
Where they spell "colour"
with a "u."
388
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:06,941
Now, who on this boat do we know
comes from new zealand?
389
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,360
Well, that's
a very clever theory.
390
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,903
But if it's a crime
to be from new zealand,
391
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:14,282
You'd have to arrest both guys
from flight of the conchords.
392
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:17,076
What are their names again?
Fred and jimothy?
393
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,162
You might be right,
394
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,873
But consider that the shield
that incapacitated
395
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,833
The only witness to the crime
396
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,502
Seems to be covered with goo.
397
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,714
What manner of goo?
398
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,175
Dad, I know this is a weird ask,
399
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:34,552
But would you mind
licking this-- oh.
400
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:35,887
Ugh. Ew.
401
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,473
Salty. Yeasty.
402
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,476
Ugh. With hints
of malty grossness.
403
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,270
Vegemite,
404
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,148
The favorite food of
taika waititi.
405
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:51,611
Or should I say fave-o-u-rite.
406
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,529
[crowd muttering]
407
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,823
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about the scratch marks
408
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,159
On bart simpson's face?
Those had to come from
409
00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,619
The tiny claws
on the doll he broke.
410
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:03,998
Did they? Or maybe they came
from this seafood fork.
411
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,541
My dad was selfishly shoveling
412
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,960
Pre-shucked shellfish
down his shrimp-shaft--
413
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,213
One take [chuckles]--
and he accidentally
414
00:18:10,373 --> 00:18:12,715
Scratched bart on his cheek.
415
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,884
That silver-haired
multi-hyphenate
416
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,719
Is guilty as sin.
417
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,429
[chuckles] not without
418
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,015
One more piece of
damning evidence, I'm not.
419
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,476
You can't just
tear my cabin apart!
420
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,894
You need a warrant!
421
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:28,272
No, we don't.
We're in international waters.
422
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,149
We're in the middle of
lake springfield.
423
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,568
I can see the lard lad statue
from here.
424
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:36,781
Here it is, comic book guy's
original doll unbroken.
425
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:40,201
Damn it. Yes, it's true,
lenny. I did it.
426
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,870
I threw my new zealand
radioactive man across the room
427
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,872
When I found out
the streamer was shelving
428
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:47,708
The second season of my series
without airing it.
429
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,585
For tax purposes?
430
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,087
Yes, for tax purposes.
431
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,506
So I hatched this plan
because I needed the money
432
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:57,385
To throw into my already
enormous pile of money.
433
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,302
[handcuffs clink]
434
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,429
You haven't seen the last of me.
435
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,974
I've got powerful friends
in new zealand.
436
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:07,687
Hobbits, orcs, lorde,
ents, melanie lynskey,
437
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,272
The "how bizarre" guy.
438
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,023
We are a powerful nation.
439
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,859
[shrieks] ow! Ow!
440
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:15,653
There is one thing
I can't figure out.
441
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,613
What happened to comic book guy?
442
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:19,615
I mean, we looked everywhere.
443
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:23,369
[gasps] except the one place
he would never go.
444
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,708
Oh, my sarcastic darling.
445
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,418
What happened to you?
446
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:32,044
Permit me to explain.
447
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,088
[homer]
oh, more explaining?
448
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:38,676
[comic book guy]
when lisa and taika waititi
began questioning suspects,
449
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,511
I set up a surveillance device
450
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:44,515
Because I wanted to mock their
inept methods of interrogation.
451
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,767
I hate comic book guy,
452
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,853
But then again,
so does everyone.
453
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,438
He smells like baked beans
454
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,106
That have been left out
in the sun.
455
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,150
I loathe his voice.
456
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,570
Who speaks with such
exaggerated affectation?
457
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:58,863
[comic book guy]
no one should ever have to hear
458
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,489
What people
actually think of them.
459
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:04,452
Apparently, I am not a beloved
quirky character, like kramer.
460
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:08,122
Instead, I am widely reviled,
like the guy who played kramer.
461
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:11,125
So, I hid here,
surrounded only by shame
462
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,212
And whatever these
metal things are.
463
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,422
Mmm! [grunts happily]
464
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,633
I don't want to get
all sincere and emo,
465
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,009
But thanks, lisa.
466
00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,418
You never lost faith in me.
467
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:24,972
Well, if I'm being
totally honest...
468
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,516
...I never did.
469
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,605
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
470
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,607
And fox broadcasting company
471
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,400
And toyota.
472
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,694
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
473
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,617
I just want back
474
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,827
My sweet comic book gaijin.
475
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,121
[sobs]
476
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:52,500
Once again, a critical lesson
is learned via hologram.
477
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:55,253
I have been a fool.
478
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,964
♪
479
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,735
Best husband ever.
480
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,207
Shh!