1
00:00:01,770 --> 00:00:04,405
(thunder crashing)
2
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,107
(electrical crackling,
bird squawks)
3
00:00:08,911 --> 00:00:10,211
(moaning growls)
4
00:00:13,148 --> 00:00:14,882
(bellows)
5
00:00:15,984 --> 00:00:17,885
(moaning)
6
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,721
(gasps)
7
00:00:20,956 --> 00:00:22,957
(electrical crackling)
8
00:00:24,059 --> 00:00:25,293
(grunts)
9
00:00:30,399 --> 00:00:32,567
(suspenseful music plays)
10
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:33,668
(birds cawing)
11
00:00:33,702 --> 00:00:35,703
(yelling)
12
00:00:41,944 --> 00:00:43,211
(gasps)
13
00:00:47,983 --> 00:00:48,983
(grunting)
14
00:00:49,017 --> 00:00:51,419
(whistle blows)
15
00:00:52,654 --> 00:00:54,789
(shrieks)
16
00:00:54,823 --> 00:00:56,023
(screams)
17
00:01:00,662 --> 00:01:02,196
(gasps)
18
00:01:02,221 --> 00:01:06,221
♪ The Simpsons 25x02 ♪
Treehouse of Horror XXIV
Original Air Date on October 6, 2013
19
00:01:06,246 --> 00:01:11,246
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
20
00:01:16,478 --> 00:01:17,678
(yells)
21
00:01:21,483 --> 00:01:22,750
(beeping)
22
00:01:24,086 --> 00:01:25,653
(groans)
23
00:01:27,990 --> 00:01:29,223
(singing opera)
24
00:01:29,258 --> 00:01:31,192
(playing the blues)
25
00:01:32,494 --> 00:01:34,128
(playing the blues)
26
00:01:38,333 --> 00:01:40,001
(monster shrieking)
27
00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:43,171
(bird caws)
28
00:01:44,907 --> 00:01:46,140
(chuckles)
29
00:01:47,609 --> 00:01:49,210
(all screaming)
30
00:01:53,215 --> 00:01:55,316
(all moaning, shrieking)
31
00:01:56,418 --> 00:01:58,152
(horn honking)
32
00:02:00,355 --> 00:02:01,689
(panting)
33
00:02:02,324 --> 00:02:04,992
(screams)
34
00:02:08,564 --> 00:02:10,231
(tires screech)
35
00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:12,867
D'oh!
36
00:02:12,901 --> 00:02:13,935
(horn honking)
37
00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:14,836
(yells)
38
00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:18,940
(moaning)
39
00:02:20,342 --> 00:02:22,210
(screaming)
40
00:02:22,244 --> 00:02:23,544
(screaming fades,
clocks ticking)
41
00:02:23,579 --> 00:02:25,112
(grunts, gasps)
42
00:02:37,059 --> 00:02:38,860
(electrical zapping)
43
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:54,758
LISA: 'Twas Halloween night,
with the kids door-to-dooring,
44
00:02:54,793 --> 00:02:57,895
and all over town
the blood sugar was soaring.
45
00:02:58,429 --> 00:02:59,930
(doorbell rings)
46
00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:01,732
Give me your candy!
47
00:03:05,136 --> 00:03:08,171
LISA: But the Simpson abode
was deep down in the dumps,
48
00:03:08,206 --> 00:03:11,742
'cause from little to bigger,
the kids had the mumps.
49
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,778
MARGE: Now, I'm off to a party,
my outfit is chic.
50
00:03:14,812 --> 00:03:18,115
It's a Catwoman costume,
I'm sure is unique.
51
00:03:18,149 --> 00:03:19,449
(dog howls)
52
00:03:19,484 --> 00:03:21,885
Wait a second--
it's Halloween?
53
00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:25,021
Just rest on the sofa,
I'll be home by 10:00.
54
00:03:25,056 --> 00:03:26,456
Can we have some candy?
55
00:03:26,491 --> 00:03:27,791
Just one M&M.
56
00:03:32,764 --> 00:03:34,397
LISA:
Then we heard a loud crash.
57
00:03:34,432 --> 00:03:35,432
HOMER:
D'oh!
58
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,300
We were tempted to scat.
59
00:03:37,335 --> 00:03:38,869
BART: And we looked
and we saw him...
60
00:03:38,903 --> 00:03:40,370
LISA/BART:
The Fat in the Hat!
61
00:03:40,404 --> 00:03:43,306
I'll save Halloween for
you three grumpy tots.
62
00:03:43,341 --> 00:03:46,877
Just stick out your rumps
for some mump-stumping shots!
63
00:03:46,911 --> 00:03:48,378
(sighs)
64
00:03:48,412 --> 00:03:51,381
Now hop on my cycle,
there's nothing to fear.
65
00:03:51,415 --> 00:03:53,583
And we shall have candy...
and maybe some beer.
66
00:03:53,618 --> 00:03:54,918
Huh?
67
00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:57,487
You should not be here
when their mother's away!
68
00:03:57,522 --> 00:04:00,657
And you should be dead,
you're so wrinkled and gray!
69
00:04:00,691 --> 00:04:03,426
I'll give you the business,
you yellow sea cow!
70
00:04:03,461 --> 00:04:05,695
This go-getting oldster will...
71
00:04:05,730 --> 00:04:07,330
Where am I now?
72
00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:08,899
(grunts)
73
00:04:08,933 --> 00:04:11,802
We'll fix up this mix-up
in two minutes flat,
74
00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:14,538
with the helpers I've hidden
right under my hat.
75
00:04:14,572 --> 00:04:15,939
(kids exclaim)
76
00:04:15,973 --> 00:04:20,243
I... uh, I knew there was
something I left off my list.
77
00:04:20,278 --> 00:04:23,079
Without food, air and water,
they cease to exist.
78
00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:28,952
(explosion)
79
00:04:28,986 --> 00:04:31,521
I am the Borax.
I speak for the woods.
80
00:04:31,556 --> 00:04:33,924
But I've plastered my likeness
on consumer goods.
81
00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:35,125
HOMER:
Sellout!
82
00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:38,762
Hey!
83
00:04:41,299 --> 00:04:45,202
♪ Oh, the Fat in the Hat
doesn't care what moms say ♪
84
00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:47,771
♪ The minute they leave you,
he'll take you away ♪
85
00:04:47,805 --> 00:04:48,772
(gasps)
86
00:04:48,806 --> 00:04:50,140
♪ His breakfast is dinner
87
00:04:50,174 --> 00:04:51,808
♪ His dinner's dessert
88
00:04:51,843 --> 00:04:56,046
♪ You might see his name
on an AMBER Alert! ♪
89
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,315
Trick or treat!
90
00:04:58,349 --> 00:05:00,317
Who buzzed the buzzard?
Don't pester the rich.
91
00:05:00,351 --> 00:05:03,620
I don't hand out candy,
you son of a Gritch.
92
00:05:03,654 --> 00:05:07,190
BART: He pulled out bamfoozlers
and side-winding gizzles.
93
00:05:07,225 --> 00:05:08,325
(explosion)
94
00:05:08,359 --> 00:05:09,639
(laughing)
He laughed as he heard
95
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:11,494
that old codger's
house-sizzles.
96
00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:14,331
Let this be a lesson
to those who love cash,
97
00:05:14,365 --> 00:05:16,800
that your nice stash of cash
could be gone in a flash.
98
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:20,003
And if you are awful
and nasty and cruel...
99
00:05:20,037 --> 00:05:22,539
Enough with the lessons!
This isn't a school!
100
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,241
(neck cracks)
101
00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:30,480
♪ Once a year
we are not hungry ♪
102
00:05:30,514 --> 00:05:34,818
♪ Thanks to Christian charity.
103
00:05:34,852 --> 00:05:35,852
(all gag)
104
00:05:39,056 --> 00:05:42,058
(toilet flushing)
(snoring)
105
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:44,828
I don't got no candy,
I only serve beer.
106
00:05:44,862 --> 00:05:46,997
And who said that you could
bring minors in here?
107
00:05:47,031 --> 00:05:50,066
Your peanuts are pawed through,
your beer smells like skunk.
108
00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:53,136
And you just pissed off
the wrong fat, furry drunk!
109
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:54,704
(gasps) Hey, hey, hey!
110
00:05:54,739 --> 00:05:56,439
This is supposed
to be a children's story!
111
00:05:56,474 --> 00:05:59,376
Go grab all his money
and vodka and gin.
112
00:05:59,410 --> 00:06:02,545
And I'll knit a nice thnord
from his leathery skin.
113
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:05,115
Say, Mr. Hat, I don't mean
to complain,
114
00:06:05,149 --> 00:06:09,519
but you promised us candy,
not mayhem and pain.
115
00:06:09,553 --> 00:06:11,021
BART: The dude thought a while,
then said:
116
00:06:11,055 --> 00:06:12,389
I know a man!
117
00:06:12,423 --> 00:06:15,725
With an overpriced store,
who'll give all that he can.
118
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,894
Take whatever you want.
I don't want any trouble.
119
00:06:17,929 --> 00:06:20,363
Take Jims that are Slim,
and gum of the bubble.
120
00:06:20,398 --> 00:06:23,833
I won't shoot you now, 'cause
I've found something cruel-ah,
121
00:06:23,868 --> 00:06:27,604
an afternoon off with eight kids
and Manjula.
122
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,606
(bike bell rings, kids laughing)
123
00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:35,779
(kids laughing)
No...!
124
00:06:36,914 --> 00:06:37,881
♪ Oh, the Fat in the Hat
125
00:06:37,915 --> 00:06:40,717
♪ Has some anger issues
126
00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:44,621
♪ And some highly unusual
political views ♪
127
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:48,258
♪ If he comes a-calling,
you'd better hide ♪
128
00:06:48,292 --> 00:06:51,661
♪ 'Cause he's committing
aggravated floop-fluffle-cide! ♪
129
00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:54,064
Don't forget me!
130
00:06:54,098 --> 00:06:56,132
♪ Floop-fluffle-cide!
131
00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:58,501
BART: We had to escape
from this behatted mammal.
132
00:06:58,536 --> 00:07:01,471
(burps) LISA: So we hitched us a ride
on a three-hump gumbamel!
133
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,907
A gumbamel's a camel
but faster and humbler.
134
00:07:03,941 --> 00:07:06,476
It doesn't take tips
and it's never a grumbler.
135
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,778
So if you must leave
in a kind of a scramble,
136
00:07:08,813 --> 00:07:11,247
then jump on the hump
of a humble gumbamel.
137
00:07:11,282 --> 00:07:13,917
BART: But if the gumbamel should
ramble, then stumble,
138
00:07:13,951 --> 00:07:15,819
then just hop atop
a Krustiferous Krumbull.
139
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,854
But then if that Krumbull
should happen to tumble,
140
00:07:17,888 --> 00:07:19,789
just call your amigo,
the bee man of bumble.
141
00:07:19,824 --> 00:07:20,924
(exhales)
142
00:07:20,958 --> 00:07:22,759
BEE MAN:
Ay-yi-yi!
143
00:07:22,793 --> 00:07:25,195
LISA: We thought we'd escaped
from our psychotic guide...
144
00:07:25,229 --> 00:07:27,831
but when we got home,
he was waiting inside!
145
00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,332
I'm staying forever.
146
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:30,834
You're all stuck
with that.
147
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:33,803
'Cause I'm your new daddy,
the Fat in the...
148
00:07:33,838 --> 00:07:35,271
(screams)
149
00:07:38,809 --> 00:07:41,511
I'm frightened of nothing,
not even hellfires.
150
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:45,281
Just don't let me ever be played
by Mike Myers.
151
00:07:45,316 --> 00:07:46,516
(groans)
152
00:07:48,619 --> 00:07:52,622
BART: Now please do not worry,
'cause we did okay.
153
00:07:52,656 --> 00:07:55,792
Yes, kids will get candy,
whatever you say.
154
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,333
PILOT:
What the hell?!
155
00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:11,301
(Bart laughs)
156
00:08:11,336 --> 00:08:13,870
Bart, isn't it dangerous
to fly your kite
157
00:08:13,905 --> 00:08:15,472
PILOT: Stupid kids!
by an airport?
158
00:08:15,506 --> 00:08:16,773
Hey, if they get
on an airbus,
159
00:08:16,808 --> 00:08:18,809
they know they're
taking their chances.
160
00:08:21,512 --> 00:08:22,913
Kite at 2:00!
161
00:08:22,947 --> 00:08:25,115
I don't know what that means,
I have a digital watch!
162
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:28,685
(pilots scream)
163
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,455
(both groan)
164
00:08:31,489 --> 00:08:35,292
What's my wife's picture doing
on your control screen?
165
00:08:35,326 --> 00:08:36,293
Over.
166
00:08:36,327 --> 00:08:37,494
Homina, homina, homina.
167
00:08:37,528 --> 00:08:38,528
Over.
168
00:08:49,574 --> 00:08:50,774
(yawns)
169
00:08:50,808 --> 00:08:51,808
(groans)
170
00:08:51,843 --> 00:08:53,543
Nowhere to tie my kite...
171
00:08:53,578 --> 00:08:55,278
and I forgot my scarf.
172
00:08:55,313 --> 00:08:57,814
(gasps) Bingo!
173
00:09:01,919 --> 00:09:04,521
I'm seeing a 12-car pileup,
174
00:09:04,555 --> 00:09:07,391
a naked rooftop cookout,
and... Oh, my God!
175
00:09:07,425 --> 00:09:09,426
A box kite! (screams)
176
00:09:11,362 --> 00:09:14,364
(sighs) Well, at least
it's a beautiful night.
177
00:09:14,399 --> 00:09:15,532
(grunts)
178
00:09:17,802 --> 00:09:18,835
I'm alive!
179
00:09:18,870 --> 00:09:19,970
All patched up!
180
00:09:20,004 --> 00:09:21,037
End of story.
181
00:09:21,072 --> 00:09:22,606
Actually, there's
a little more.
182
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,341
Ay, caramba!
183
00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:26,143
I'm sorry.
This was the only way
184
00:09:26,177 --> 00:09:27,944
to lengthen Bart's
life for a year
185
00:09:27,979 --> 00:09:29,346
while shortening
yours by 30.
186
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,314
I thought I was donating blood.
187
00:09:31,349 --> 00:09:34,017
You are. Along with lymph,
spinal fluid,
188
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,553
and all the trimmings.
(chuckles)
189
00:09:36,587 --> 00:09:39,189
But, Lisa, your brain is
still in complete control.
190
00:09:39,223 --> 00:09:43,293
I could do what
I want to Bart's head?
191
00:09:43,327 --> 00:09:44,594
Aw, geez.
192
00:09:44,629 --> 00:09:46,229
Strangle me out
of this, Fatso.
193
00:09:46,264 --> 00:09:47,597
Why you little...!
194
00:09:47,632 --> 00:09:50,400
I'll teach you
to make medical history!
195
00:09:50,435 --> 00:09:52,903
Oops.
196
00:09:54,639 --> 00:09:56,072
Ah, all good.
197
00:09:56,107 --> 00:09:57,073
D'oh!
198
00:09:57,108 --> 00:09:58,074
(neck cracks)
199
00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:01,511
(humming)
200
00:10:01,546 --> 00:10:02,946
(spits)
201
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:05,148
Hey, boy, since you don't need
a bedroom anymore,
202
00:10:05,183 --> 00:10:08,418
I finally get my man cave.
203
00:10:08,453 --> 00:10:10,220
♪ Man cave!
204
00:10:10,254 --> 00:10:13,223
♪ Everyone's welcome
to my man cave! ♪
205
00:10:18,996 --> 00:10:21,198
I assure you,
we've spared no effort
206
00:10:21,232 --> 00:10:22,999
to accommodate your
special-needs student.
207
00:10:23,034 --> 00:10:25,101
And... done.
208
00:10:25,136 --> 00:10:28,071
So, in conclusion,
my show-and-tell is...
209
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,573
this!
210
00:10:29,607 --> 00:10:32,642
Excellent, Lisa.
A-plus.
211
00:10:32,677 --> 00:10:34,044
Bart, your turn.
212
00:10:34,078 --> 00:10:37,881
Well, my show-and-tell is
that I'm on Lisa's body.
213
00:10:37,915 --> 00:10:39,549
Derivative
and repetitive!
214
00:10:39,584 --> 00:10:40,584
F-minus.
215
00:10:40,618 --> 00:10:42,552
Aw!
(giggles)
216
00:10:42,587 --> 00:10:45,622
Bart, I expected more
from a fourth-grade head.
217
00:10:45,656 --> 00:10:47,491
(gasps)
218
00:10:47,525 --> 00:10:50,393
You're rotating it
in the wrong direction!
219
00:10:51,295 --> 00:10:53,497
(both grunting)
220
00:10:53,531 --> 00:10:56,233
That was gonna be
my show-and-tell!
221
00:10:56,267 --> 00:10:58,668
Bart, Lisa,
I'm afraid you two
222
00:10:58,703 --> 00:11:01,338
are going to be together
for a long time.
223
00:11:01,372 --> 00:11:02,892
Why don't you try
to say something good
224
00:11:02,907 --> 00:11:04,608
about each other?
225
00:11:04,642 --> 00:11:06,610
Well, she's pretty
healthy for someone
226
00:11:06,644 --> 00:11:07,777
who's been living
with cooties.
227
00:11:07,812 --> 00:11:09,980
Bart, aren't Lisa's ears clean?
228
00:11:10,014 --> 00:11:11,114
Yeah.
229
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,883
It's like looking down
a Canadian tunnel.
230
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:13,884
What else?
231
00:11:13,918 --> 00:11:15,085
Well... now I always
232
00:11:15,119 --> 00:11:17,120
have someone
to eat lunch with.
233
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,722
Great!
234
00:11:18,756 --> 00:11:21,124
That's as much therapy
as your parents can afford.
235
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,262
I think we've made
some progress here.
236
00:11:25,296 --> 00:11:26,263
Great...
237
00:11:26,297 --> 00:11:27,464
Oh, and I have this
238
00:11:27,498 --> 00:11:29,132
"two heads for one" coupon.
239
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,166
Well, that's for lettuce.
240
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,368
How about this one?
241
00:11:31,402 --> 00:11:32,702
"One random disorder free
242
00:11:32,737 --> 00:11:34,271
with every schizophrenia."
243
00:11:34,305 --> 00:11:35,672
That's mine,
but it's expired.
244
00:11:35,706 --> 00:11:37,340
D'oh!
245
00:11:37,375 --> 00:11:39,643
(playing "When the Saints
Go Marching In")
246
00:11:44,348 --> 00:11:47,017
Should've chopped off
Bart's head long ago.
247
00:11:49,754 --> 00:11:51,087
Sleep well, Lis.
248
00:11:51,122 --> 00:11:52,789
Somehow, sewing my head
on your shoulder
249
00:11:52,823 --> 00:11:54,291
brought us
closer together.
250
00:11:54,325 --> 00:11:55,659
Rainbow...
251
00:11:55,693 --> 00:11:56,826
oh, Rainbow...
252
00:11:56,861 --> 00:11:59,329
Oh... not the pony
dream again.
253
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:03,333
(gasps)
Hey, I did that.
254
00:12:04,969 --> 00:12:06,336
Yep, that's me.
255
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:08,004
When she's asleep,
256
00:12:08,039 --> 00:12:09,406
I'm in control.
257
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,541
Lis, I'm gonna make sure
258
00:12:11,576 --> 00:12:13,777
you stay asleep.
259
00:12:13,811 --> 00:12:15,946
(laughs evilly)
260
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,918
Ooh, mix-ins!
261
00:12:23,921 --> 00:12:24,888
Mmm.
262
00:12:24,922 --> 00:12:26,556
(snores)
263
00:12:26,591 --> 00:12:27,724
(falls down stairs,
grunts, shouts)
264
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:29,225
Son of a...
265
00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:30,493
(grunts)
266
00:12:30,528 --> 00:12:31,528
(snoring)
267
00:12:35,633 --> 00:12:37,200
(engine sputters, dies)
268
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:40,170
You start a car as well
as you start a family.
269
00:12:40,204 --> 00:12:42,706
You wait here while I go
get the jumper cables.
270
00:12:45,476 --> 00:12:47,978
MRS. SKINNER:
Oh, a panic attack, huh?
271
00:12:48,012 --> 00:12:50,547
Well, I'll give you something
to panic about!
272
00:12:50,581 --> 00:12:51,715
(grunting)
273
00:12:51,749 --> 00:12:54,150
(groans)
274
00:12:55,653 --> 00:12:57,320
Now I'll just cut off
her annoying head
275
00:12:57,355 --> 00:12:58,989
and this body will be all mine.
276
00:12:59,023 --> 00:13:00,390
Or we both die.
277
00:13:00,424 --> 00:13:02,359
Not really sure
what the rules are.
278
00:13:02,393 --> 00:13:03,360
(gasps)
279
00:13:03,394 --> 00:13:04,728
Why, Bart?
280
00:13:04,762 --> 00:13:06,496
I thought we
were friends.
281
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,732
A brother can never
be friends with his sister.
282
00:13:08,766 --> 00:13:10,567
Are you really,
really sure?
283
00:13:10,601 --> 00:13:11,801
I'm afraid I am.
284
00:13:11,836 --> 00:13:13,937
Well, then, I guess
I have no choice.
285
00:13:13,971 --> 00:13:15,405
(yells)
286
00:13:15,439 --> 00:13:17,240
How could this
go wrong?
287
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:18,675
'Cause in a
head-to-head battle,
288
00:13:18,709 --> 00:13:20,276
the one with the
most brains wins!
289
00:13:20,311 --> 00:13:21,811
(groans)
290
00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:25,548
(groans)
291
00:13:25,583 --> 00:13:27,484
Well, wherever I am,
292
00:13:27,518 --> 00:13:29,386
it's gotta be an improvement.
293
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:30,820
Guess again.
294
00:13:30,855 --> 00:13:31,888
(moans)
295
00:13:31,922 --> 00:13:34,524
Now I can always
sing karaoke duets.
296
00:13:34,558 --> 00:13:36,159
♪ Mock...
Yeah.
297
00:13:36,193 --> 00:13:37,460
♪ Ing...
Yeah.
298
00:13:37,495 --> 00:13:39,496
I feel your pain,
brother.
299
00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:40,830
Now, I need you
to memorize
300
00:13:40,865 --> 00:13:43,466
these 10,000 setups
by next week.
301
00:13:43,501 --> 00:13:44,801
Help me, Doctor.
302
00:13:44,835 --> 00:13:45,969
So this is what
303
00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:47,637
successful post-op
looks like.
304
00:13:52,704 --> 00:13:54,271
(circus music plays)
305
00:13:54,305 --> 00:13:55,439
BURNSUM:
Step right up.
306
00:13:55,473 --> 00:13:58,008
Step right up,
only two bits!
307
00:13:58,042 --> 00:14:00,043
(snickering)
308
00:14:03,214 --> 00:14:05,616
(slurps, growls)
309
00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:06,984
Thrill as...
310
00:14:08,987 --> 00:14:11,521
Thrill as Marguerite
conquers the air!
311
00:14:18,730 --> 00:14:20,697
(cheering)
312
00:14:20,732 --> 00:14:22,833
Laugh at the clown's buffoonery!
313
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:24,134
Seriously, folks,
314
00:14:24,168 --> 00:14:26,637
I really think we should stop
this Hitler guy.
315
00:14:26,671 --> 00:14:28,505
(laughing)
316
00:14:28,539 --> 00:14:30,007
Disbelieve,
317
00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:33,210
as the Strong Man pulls a wagon
with his bare tongue!
318
00:14:33,244 --> 00:14:35,479
♪ This is the song
that you hear at the circus ♪
319
00:14:35,513 --> 00:14:37,814
♪ Sung by a guy
that you see at the circus ♪
320
00:14:37,849 --> 00:14:39,483
(muffled):
♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do
321
00:14:39,517 --> 00:14:40,651
♪ Do-do-do...
322
00:14:40,685 --> 00:14:41,652
D'oh!
323
00:14:41,686 --> 00:14:43,153
Or gape in terror
324
00:14:43,187 --> 00:14:45,289
at Almighty God's
whoopsy-daisies...
325
00:14:45,323 --> 00:14:46,657
the Freaks!
326
00:14:46,691 --> 00:14:47,724
(crowd exclaims)
327
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,194
The Human Donkey.
328
00:14:51,229 --> 00:14:52,596
Hee-haw!
329
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,765
The Terrifying Callback.
330
00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:56,266
♪ Mock
Yeah.
331
00:14:56,301 --> 00:14:57,935
♪ Ing...
Yeah.
332
00:14:57,969 --> 00:14:59,836
Creatures from
another galaxy!
333
00:14:59,871 --> 00:15:02,606
Actually, it's more
of a globular cluster.
334
00:15:04,108 --> 00:15:05,509
Not the dark,
not the dark!
335
00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:06,510
Ah!
336
00:15:06,544 --> 00:15:07,811
And now...
337
00:15:07,845 --> 00:15:09,980
I must ask that
small children leave,
338
00:15:10,014 --> 00:15:11,381
good women avert their eyes,
339
00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:13,984
and men take a stiff slug
of circus whiskey.
340
00:15:14,018 --> 00:15:18,188
Behold, the most hideous
creature of all.
341
00:15:18,222 --> 00:15:19,756
How ya doin'?
342
00:15:19,791 --> 00:15:21,158
(audience screams)
343
00:15:21,192 --> 00:15:23,293
So, uh, anyone here
from New Jersey?
344
00:15:23,328 --> 00:15:24,861
I'm goin' there
next week.
345
00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:26,229
(screams)
346
00:15:26,264 --> 00:15:28,265
(humming)
347
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:32,002
(humming continues)
348
00:15:32,036 --> 00:15:33,170
Whoa!
349
00:15:33,204 --> 00:15:35,138
(grunting)
350
00:15:35,173 --> 00:15:37,708
(humming)
351
00:15:37,742 --> 00:15:38,775
Hey, torso!
352
00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:39,943
Huh?
What's with the cookies?
353
00:15:39,978 --> 00:15:42,145
Even the human snail
would've been done by now.
354
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,314
I am so sick and tired
of people assuming
355
00:15:44,349 --> 00:15:46,917
that the human snail is,
in some way, slow.
356
00:15:46,951 --> 00:15:48,285
Good day!
357
00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:50,320
(grunts)
358
00:15:52,657 --> 00:15:53,890
All of you!
359
00:15:53,925 --> 00:15:55,559
Get back out there
with your flippers flapping,
360
00:15:55,593 --> 00:15:56,893
and your stumps a-stumping!
361
00:15:56,928 --> 00:15:58,128
Joe and Jane normal
362
00:15:58,162 --> 00:15:59,796
expect some entertainment
for their nickel!
363
00:15:59,831 --> 00:16:01,298
Mr. Burnsum!
364
00:16:01,332 --> 00:16:04,267
You should treat these
poor people with respect!
365
00:16:04,302 --> 00:16:06,236
Marge! Get away
from those freaks.
366
00:16:06,270 --> 00:16:07,637
You belong to me!
367
00:16:07,672 --> 00:16:09,740
The dumb, hairless brute.
368
00:16:09,774 --> 00:16:13,276
Well, you are the best
this circus has to offer.
369
00:16:13,311 --> 00:16:15,412
(laughing)
370
00:16:15,446 --> 00:16:17,781
Taste the strength
of your fiancé.
371
00:16:19,784 --> 00:16:22,019
Ooh!
372
00:16:22,053 --> 00:16:23,653
Ooh...
373
00:16:23,688 --> 00:16:25,889
With the mighty tongue
God's given you,
374
00:16:25,923 --> 00:16:29,493
why can't you speak kindly
of these imperfect angels?
375
00:16:29,527 --> 00:16:32,429
Marge, they knew
what they were getting into
376
00:16:32,463 --> 00:16:34,831
when their parents sold them
to the circus.
377
00:16:34,866 --> 00:16:36,366
Enough!
You will comport yourself
378
00:16:36,401 --> 00:16:37,467
with the dignity expected
379
00:16:37,502 --> 00:16:39,703
of a traveling freak show.
380
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:40,737
(grunts)
381
00:16:42,807 --> 00:16:44,074
Excuse me, ma'am,
382
00:16:44,108 --> 00:16:47,144
but, uh, I ain't never seen
a normal stand up for us.
383
00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:48,178
(sighs)
384
00:16:48,212 --> 00:16:50,213
I, too, am a freak.
385
00:16:50,248 --> 00:16:51,214
One eye is blue,
386
00:16:51,249 --> 00:16:53,116
and the other
a pale brown.
387
00:16:53,151 --> 00:16:55,519
I wouldn't want to
be you, lady.
388
00:16:55,553 --> 00:16:57,854
Never give up hope,
my friends.
389
00:17:00,324 --> 00:17:02,793
Of all the kisses
I have ever gotten in my life,
390
00:17:02,827 --> 00:17:04,294
that was the first.
391
00:17:04,328 --> 00:17:06,129
Hey, you should
ask her out, Moe.
392
00:17:06,164 --> 00:17:08,632
Ah, but she's sweet
on the strong man.
393
00:17:08,666 --> 00:17:10,867
You're fine unless
Rabbit Ears hears
394
00:17:10,902 --> 00:17:12,436
and tells Big Mouth.
395
00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:14,404
(whispering)
396
00:17:14,439 --> 00:17:16,540
Wha...?!
397
00:17:16,574 --> 00:17:19,376
I ain't got no chance
with the strong man's girl.
398
00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:20,877
He makes ten dollars a week
399
00:17:20,912 --> 00:17:22,479
plus all the sawdust he can eat.
400
00:17:22,513 --> 00:17:24,147
Well, you've got
an emerald ring.
401
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:26,850
My mother's ring.
402
00:17:26,884 --> 00:17:27,851
(sobs)
403
00:17:27,885 --> 00:17:29,820
She gave it to me
on her deathbed.
404
00:17:29,854 --> 00:17:31,855
She also acquired it
on her deathbed.
405
00:17:31,889 --> 00:17:33,723
That was a very busy deathbed.
406
00:17:33,758 --> 00:17:35,358
With an emerald that big,
407
00:17:35,393 --> 00:17:36,860
I could buy anything.
408
00:17:36,894 --> 00:17:38,728
A jalopy, an icebox,
409
00:17:38,763 --> 00:17:40,897
a steamer trunk full of fedoras!
410
00:17:40,932 --> 00:17:43,400
But how do I get my hands on it?
411
00:17:43,434 --> 00:17:45,001
Oh, I'm an idiot!
412
00:17:45,036 --> 00:17:46,002
Of course!
413
00:17:46,037 --> 00:17:47,370
I get Marge to marry Moe,
414
00:17:47,405 --> 00:17:48,472
then I kill Moe,
415
00:17:48,506 --> 00:17:49,606
then she gets the ring,
416
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,274
then I marry her
and the ring is mine.
417
00:17:51,309 --> 00:17:54,144
And the brilliance of my plan
is its simplicity.
418
00:17:55,313 --> 00:17:57,781
You're gonna be sorry
you said that.
419
00:17:57,815 --> 00:18:01,118
You're gonna be sorry
you said that.
420
00:18:01,152 --> 00:18:02,853
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
421
00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:06,623
whoa, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh...
422
00:18:06,657 --> 00:18:08,692
I just lost my keys!
423
00:18:08,726 --> 00:18:10,427
Whoa-whoa-whoa...
424
00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:13,396
What do you know?
I am gathering moss!
425
00:18:13,431 --> 00:18:14,731
(owl hoots)
426
00:18:14,765 --> 00:18:17,134
Hey, Marge, you want
to marry Moe?
427
00:18:17,168 --> 00:18:19,503
I'm engaged
to you, my love.
428
00:18:19,537 --> 00:18:22,105
The poor, lonely fellow
is about to die.
429
00:18:22,140 --> 00:18:23,507
Really? How?
430
00:18:23,541 --> 00:18:25,408
Well, let me
worry about how.
431
00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:28,245
But you know, you could make
his last day a happy one.
432
00:18:28,279 --> 00:18:30,547
And the ring is just
the icing on the cake.
433
00:18:30,581 --> 00:18:31,748
What ring?
434
00:18:31,782 --> 00:18:34,584
The ring that'll get me
out of this lousy circus
435
00:18:34,619 --> 00:18:36,153
and into a good circus.
436
00:18:36,187 --> 00:18:37,420
Now, let's get you married.
437
00:18:37,455 --> 00:18:39,523
But wouldn't you
be jealous, my love?
438
00:18:39,557 --> 00:18:42,058
(laughs) Dear, I am not
the jealous type.
439
00:18:42,093 --> 00:18:44,060
And from you,
I have learned
440
00:18:44,095 --> 00:18:47,297
to feel compassion
for these disgustos.
441
00:18:47,331 --> 00:18:48,765
Aw...
442
00:18:48,799 --> 00:18:52,302
(solemnly):
♪ She's a superfreak
443
00:18:52,336 --> 00:18:54,437
♪ Superfreak
444
00:18:54,472 --> 00:18:57,440
♪ She's superfreaky
445
00:18:57,475 --> 00:18:59,009
♪ Yow.
446
00:18:59,043 --> 00:19:00,177
"Yow" indeed.
447
00:19:00,211 --> 00:19:01,311
And so, with the conclusion
448
00:19:01,345 --> 00:19:02,646
of our traditional wedding song,
449
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,181
I now declare you
450
00:19:04,215 --> 00:19:05,615
husband and wife.
451
00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:08,552
Moe, whatever small time
together we have
452
00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:10,787
will be wonderful.
453
00:19:10,821 --> 00:19:11,922
(laughs)
454
00:19:11,956 --> 00:19:13,490
A very small time!
455
00:19:13,524 --> 00:19:15,358
Those are strange
things to say,
456
00:19:15,393 --> 00:19:17,928
but a wedding is no place
to worry about threats
457
00:19:17,962 --> 00:19:19,629
from the bride's former lover.
458
00:19:19,664 --> 00:19:20,964
Now, the toast.
459
00:19:20,998 --> 00:19:22,265
To you, Marge.
460
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:23,867
Now you are
one of us.
461
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:25,635
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!
462
00:19:25,670 --> 00:19:27,637
Gooble goo!
463
00:19:27,672 --> 00:19:29,706
One of us!
464
00:19:29,740 --> 00:19:31,374
Gooble goo!
465
00:19:31,409 --> 00:19:33,810
Why is it company parties
always get weird?
466
00:19:33,844 --> 00:19:35,145
(cork pops)
467
00:19:36,447 --> 00:19:37,547
God, you are
so beautiful
468
00:19:37,582 --> 00:19:38,782
in that
peignoir there.
469
00:19:38,816 --> 00:19:41,151
I, uh, better
freshen up a little bit.
470
00:19:42,853 --> 00:19:44,120
(humming)
471
00:19:44,155 --> 00:19:45,555
Set it to "massage," Jumbo.
472
00:19:47,024 --> 00:19:49,659
(humming)
473
00:19:51,095 --> 00:19:52,829
Hmm? What
are you doing?
474
00:19:52,863 --> 00:19:55,198
Oh! Trying
to kill Moe
475
00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:57,033
so we'll get
his emerald!
476
00:19:57,068 --> 00:19:58,301
By the way,
I haven't checked,
477
00:19:58,336 --> 00:19:59,569
but emeralds
are valuable, right?
478
00:19:59,604 --> 00:20:00,604
(gasps)
479
00:20:00,638 --> 00:20:02,138
Strong Man!
480
00:20:02,173 --> 00:20:04,474
Moe may be ugly
on the outside,
481
00:20:04,508 --> 00:20:07,744
but inside, you are
the true monster.
482
00:20:07,778 --> 00:20:09,679
Leave my trailer forever!
483
00:20:09,714 --> 00:20:11,081
You're rejecting me?
484
00:20:11,115 --> 00:20:15,418
But I'm in the best shape
anyone is in the 1930s.
485
00:20:15,453 --> 00:20:16,753
I said go!
486
00:20:16,787 --> 00:20:18,021
(whimpers)
487
00:20:21,092 --> 00:20:22,359
(chanting):
One of us!
488
00:20:22,393 --> 00:20:23,360
Gooble goo!
489
00:20:23,394 --> 00:20:24,594
One of us!
490
00:20:24,629 --> 00:20:25,829
Gooble goo!
491
00:20:25,863 --> 00:20:27,764
What the hell does
"gooble goo" mean?
492
00:20:27,798 --> 00:20:28,965
(chanting):
We don't know!
493
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,033
Gooble goo!
494
00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:31,234
We don't know!
495
00:20:31,269 --> 00:20:32,269
Gooble goo!
496
00:20:34,405 --> 00:20:35,372
(gasps)
497
00:20:35,406 --> 00:20:36,640
You killed Burnsum!
498
00:20:36,674 --> 00:20:38,908
Now who is gonna say,
"Step right up"?
499
00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:41,211
FREAKS:
Gooble goo! Gooble goo!
500
00:20:41,245 --> 00:20:42,779
Tar and
feather him!
501
00:20:42,813 --> 00:20:45,048
Tear off his drumsticks!
502
00:20:45,082 --> 00:20:47,183
Make him...
one of us!
503
00:20:47,218 --> 00:20:48,752
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!
504
00:20:48,786 --> 00:20:50,553
One of us!
This is exactly why
505
00:20:50,588 --> 00:20:52,689
circus attendance is plummeting!
506
00:20:52,723 --> 00:20:56,593
And that, kids, is
how I met your mother.
507
00:20:56,627 --> 00:20:58,395
( How I Met Your Mother
theme music playing)
508
00:20:58,429 --> 00:21:03,429
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
509
00:21:41,839 --> 00:21:43,707
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!