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Heh.
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♪ The Simpsons 25x13 ♪
The Man Who Grew Too Much
Original Air Date on March 9, 2014
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00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:24,221
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Neptune--
eighth planet from the sun.
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A mystery now, we hope
to have close-up photos
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from Voyager 2
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in 1989.
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We do have them!
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They're my home screen!
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Miss Hoover, once again,
the lesson plan I prepared
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would have covered
this topic much better.
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But I can see...
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Miss Hoover?
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It's Tuesday, Lisa.
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Taco Tuesday.
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Huh?
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Huh?
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Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday!
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Taco Tuesday!
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Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday...
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Oh, no. I'm about to become
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another moppin' statistic.
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There's only room
for one of us, Ethel.
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Bart, that's
your sixth taco.
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You know, Whitman says,
"If anything is sacred,
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the human body is sacred."
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Fascinating.
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Congratulations, boys.
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You made it through
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another Taco Tuesday.
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Back in the bucket
till next week.
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Won't those
vegetables go bad?
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Nope. They're genetically
modified to stay fresh.
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Just don't ask
how old the Jell-O is.
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Ew.
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Overreactor.org
warns that over half
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of the vegetables
sold in this country are
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genetically modified organisms
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whose effect on humans is...
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unknown.
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Whoa! Mom,
you made me overswipe!
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Your parents' credit card
has been charged $20.
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I have to
get to the church.
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Helen Lovejoy is posting the
spring volunteer sign-up sheet.
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In five minutes, every
good task will be taken.
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Dang it!
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Jasper Beardley!
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You'll never make it!
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No!
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Ooh...
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Oh!
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What the hell is this thing?
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Bake sale-- taken.
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Candle snuffing-- taken.
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Baby shusher,
miscellaneous choir support.
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Everything's taken!
All that's left is...
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Teen abstinence
counseling.
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You get to pass out
abstinence pledges
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and make sure the kids
sign their John Han-bleeps.
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But, Ned, saying nay
is your thing.
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Not this month.
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Edna signed us up
for a tango class.
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It was the only way I could
avert... wine-tasting.
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Look, I'm really not comfortable
talking about S-E-X
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with K-I-D-S.
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Language.
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Oh, it's not that hard.
Just tell them
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that God wants them to ignore
everything in their bodies
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that God is making happen.
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We took the pledge!
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We won't have sex
until we're married!
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To each other!
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Mm, their skipping lessons
are really paying off.
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Hello. Hello.
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I'm-I'm Marge Simpson,
and I'm here to talk
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about a... a-a wonderful,
beautiful thing.
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Speaking of beautiful things,
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tongue me, babe.
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How many of you are here
for the free cookies?
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Because we've discontinued that.
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I'm out of here.
Forget you!
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One of our brightest
and most meddlesome students
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called this meeting-- somehow--
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to discuss an urgent
menu matter. Lisa?
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Our school cafeteria
is serving GMOs--
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genetically
modified organisms.
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Now, in order
to thoroughly explore the issue,
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I'd like to play the first video
that came up in my Web browser
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when I typed in
"GMO" plus "danger"
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plus "question mark."
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Hear, hear!
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If there's one thing
scientists love, it's money.
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Money, money, money.
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And that's been true
of scientists
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ever since caveman times.
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We need look no further back
than the ancient Mayans,
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who crossbred
plants and animals
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in an unholy experiment
in what is now a resort
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that charges $30 a night
to valet park.
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Once you're there,
they've gotcha.
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The Mayans didn't listen...
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to themselves.
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Yet today, we toy with our fate
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by using retroviruses
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to create these
so-called "super foods."
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Are we doomed
to repeat an event
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that destroyed all human life?
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The answer is in your mouth!
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Um, that video seemed
a little unscientific.
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My name is Jenny McCarthy,
and I endorse this tirade.
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Oh, my God,
it's worse than I thought.
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Everybody wait here
while I do some actual research.
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Nobody form any opinions
while I'm gone.
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Well, hurry,
we have no minds of our own.
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I say we do not
categorically ban
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genetically modified organisms.
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What?!
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Well, GMOs are
resistant to pests,
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disease and drought.
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It's just possible that GMOs
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can actually end world hunger.
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I say, let's get these GMOs
inside our children pronto!
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Way ahead of you!
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I'm eating
the food of the future.
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Beep, boop. What is love?
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Boop, beep, boop.
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Lisa, I'd like
to thank you
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for mollifying
these land apes.
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We'd like you and your
family to visit us
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at the Monsarno
research campus.
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Ooh, campus! Do you have
a statue of the founder
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I can stick
a funny hat on?
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Go, go, go!
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Simpsons, we're trying
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to change the world
one molecule at a time.
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Sounds like that
would take a while.
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Ooh, you're right.
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Everyone, three
molecules at a time.
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Oh, you got to
be kidding me!
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I'll be home late, honey.
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Yeah. Three molecules now.
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Well, it's nice
to see for once
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a corporation that does good
work and cares about people.
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Yes, Lisa, we finally put to bed
the silly notion
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that our company
is in any way evil.
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Now, say hello to
our chief scientist.
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Sideshow Bob!
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Dr. Sideshow Bob.
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Real doctor or PhD?
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PhD.
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All right,
I'll leave you and Bob
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in this locked room
to get reacquainted.
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Simpsons,
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there's no need for alarm.
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That's not for
you to suck!
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Now... where was I?
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Right. Uh, no need to worry.
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I'm still technically
shawshanking it
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at Springfield Penitentiary.
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This is getting boring.
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Either murder us
or tell us how you got here.
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Very well.
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The inanity of
the vanity license plate puns
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was slowly driving me mad.
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So when Monsarno Labs asked
for experimental subjects,
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I... gladly volunteered.
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My job was to make sure
the experiments
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wouldn't be too painful
for the test monkeys.
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I don't know what
we're doing here.
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Uh, we'll pick it up
after lunch.
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I wrote up my results
and went from subject...
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to scientist.
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Look at me!
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I'm Sideshow Bob!
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Sideshow Bob!
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Foolish boy!
That's phosphoric acid!
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A mere sip would
have dissolved
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a hole in your stomach the
size of a silver dollar.
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Yakety, yakety, yak.
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"The spotted hawk
accuses me,
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he complains of my gab."
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"I too am not a bit tamed,
I too am untranslatable."
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Walt Whitman.
Leaves of Grass.
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Very good.
Lisa, you always were
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the one rose petal
floating atop the cesspool
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that is the Simpsons.
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- Well!
- That's mean.
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Oh...
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If you're done, our chief scientist
has to get back to work.
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Our corn on the cob
has become self-aware.
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Wait! Wait!
Won't you visit me again?
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00:09:27,986 --> 00:09:31,122
Let me show you I really am
trying to make a better world.
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Lisa, we can talk Walt Whitman.
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00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:35,126
And, Homer, I think
you'd enjoy the company
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of the campus' lazy,
overfed squirrels.
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"Overfed"? I don't
know this word.
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Visit me, Lisa.
We can discuss poetry,
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00:09:51,743 --> 00:09:55,546
fine art, and...
and if we must, jazz.
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00:09:55,580 --> 00:09:58,015
Mom, can I visit
Sideshow Bob?
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00:09:58,050 --> 00:09:59,950
Why would you
want to do that?
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He's tried to kill us!
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00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:03,754
You. He tried
to kill you.
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00:10:03,789 --> 00:10:05,890
And I refuse to concede
a mind that thinks
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00:10:05,924 --> 00:10:08,059
so much like mine
can be all bad.
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00:10:08,093 --> 00:10:11,629
Don't you think the parts that
aren't evil are a little, mm...
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00:10:11,663 --> 00:10:12,930
pretentious?
207
00:10:12,964 --> 00:10:15,332
Absolutely.
We're talking about Lisa, right?
208
00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,368
Shut up!
You shut up!
209
00:10:17,402 --> 00:10:20,337
This is the pinnacle
of conversation around here!
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00:10:20,372 --> 00:10:21,639
Fine, I'll
take you.
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00:10:21,673 --> 00:10:23,207
They have this
cool psych class
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00:10:23,241 --> 00:10:25,309
at the campus
I sat in on.
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00:10:25,343 --> 00:10:28,312
Uh, that was
a sexual harassment seminar.
214
00:10:28,346 --> 00:10:30,448
It doesn't matter--
I'm taking it pass-fail.
215
00:10:33,952 --> 00:10:36,587
Blowing off steam
in the crafts room, Marge?
216
00:10:36,621 --> 00:10:39,657
No! I'm not giving up
on reaching those kids,
217
00:10:39,691 --> 00:10:41,892
and I might just have
a secret weapon.
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00:10:41,927 --> 00:10:43,661
Mm-hmm. Is it finger puppets?
219
00:10:43,695 --> 00:10:45,496
Maybe!
220
00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:47,932
Well, we haven't had
finger puppets in this church
221
00:10:47,966 --> 00:10:50,434
since Reverend Brogan
was arrested.
222
00:10:50,469 --> 00:10:53,604
But I suppose
enough time has passed.
223
00:10:53,638 --> 00:10:55,639
And that's why Nancy No
224
00:10:55,674 --> 00:10:58,843
is the most popular girl
in Promiseville High.
225
00:10:58,877 --> 00:11:02,446
Mm. I prefer the modern thinking
of Yolanda Yes.
226
00:11:02,481 --> 00:11:05,816
And I think I'd have a
shot with Mabel Maybe.
227
00:11:08,019 --> 00:11:11,622
I'm so tired
of those kids sniggering.
228
00:11:11,656 --> 00:11:14,458
Uh-oh. It's Horndog Hank.
229
00:11:14,493 --> 00:11:16,894
Well, Nancy knows
how to keep him away.
230
00:11:18,864 --> 00:11:20,798
Darn it, they're stuck.
231
00:11:27,038 --> 00:11:31,942
Um, can I take one
of those girl puppets home?
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00:11:31,977 --> 00:11:33,677
I won't do nothin' to it.
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00:11:33,712 --> 00:11:35,012
Oh!
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00:11:36,414 --> 00:11:37,948
♪ You say modified tomato
235
00:11:37,983 --> 00:11:39,850
♪ I say modified tomahto
236
00:11:39,885 --> 00:11:43,154
♪ I say engineered potato,
you say engineered potahto ♪
237
00:11:43,188 --> 00:11:45,022
♪ Potato!
♪ Potahto!
238
00:11:45,056 --> 00:11:47,158
♪ Tomato!
♪ Tomahto!
239
00:11:47,192 --> 00:11:49,193
♪ Let's splice some DNA!
240
00:11:56,568 --> 00:11:59,503
That is my first
non-evil laugh in years.
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00:11:59,538 --> 00:12:00,704
Bob,
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00:12:00,739 --> 00:12:02,606
there's one thing I got to know.
243
00:12:02,641 --> 00:12:04,809
Are you plotting revenge?
244
00:12:04,843 --> 00:12:07,678
I don't plot revenge anymore.
245
00:12:07,712 --> 00:12:09,947
It's like love.
If it happens, it happens.
246
00:12:09,981 --> 00:12:11,982
Now, how about those s'mores?
247
00:12:15,086 --> 00:12:18,389
Dad! You already ate
all the chocolate bars.
248
00:12:18,423 --> 00:12:21,458
That's why I got to get
the marshmallows down fast.
249
00:12:22,661 --> 00:12:24,328
I like how they cut them down
250
00:12:24,362 --> 00:12:26,063
from 140 characters
251
00:12:26,097 --> 00:12:28,699
to a more manageable
20 characters.
252
00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:31,135
Oh, another
seminar tomorrow.
253
00:12:31,169 --> 00:12:34,071
I just wish I could connect
with those teenagers,
254
00:12:34,105 --> 00:12:36,640
since it seems like
we'll never have any.
255
00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:38,275
Oh, Marge,
256
00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:40,578
teens can't control their urges.
257
00:12:40,612 --> 00:12:43,814
It's why there's never been
a teenage president.
258
00:12:43,849 --> 00:12:46,217
Are you saying
I'm wasting my time?
259
00:12:46,251 --> 00:12:49,186
No. I'm saying
you're wasting everyone's time.
260
00:12:49,221 --> 00:12:51,589
But it's a church thing,
so that's a given.
261
00:12:51,623 --> 00:12:53,090
Oh. Well, then maybe
262
00:12:53,124 --> 00:12:55,359
I need to give those
kids a better example.
263
00:12:55,393 --> 00:12:56,727
Good night!
264
00:12:56,761 --> 00:12:59,730
Shut your eyes.
They're too bright.
265
00:12:59,764 --> 00:13:01,232
Sorry.
266
00:13:02,601 --> 00:13:05,769
Kids, today,
we have a very special guest--
267
00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:08,405
my husband.
268
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:09,573
I brought Homer here
269
00:13:09,608 --> 00:13:11,275
to show that we can,
270
00:13:11,309 --> 00:13:14,912
and have, abstained
for two whole days.
271
00:13:14,946 --> 00:13:17,448
Two days? That's all?
272
00:13:17,482 --> 00:13:20,317
That means, three days
ago, the two of you
273
00:13:20,352 --> 00:13:22,586
made the blob
with two backs!
274
00:13:22,621 --> 00:13:24,054
Listen, you punks,
275
00:13:24,089 --> 00:13:26,757
if you can't handle the image
of our naked bodies
276
00:13:26,791 --> 00:13:29,360
in the tender act of a-oo-ga,
277
00:13:29,394 --> 00:13:33,130
you should never have come to
the basement of this holy place.
278
00:13:33,164 --> 00:13:35,399
Ugh! He's
touching her!
279
00:13:35,433 --> 00:13:37,601
They're practically
doin' it here!
280
00:13:37,636 --> 00:13:38,202
Ugh!
281
00:13:43,241 --> 00:13:44,708
I'll sign the pledge!
282
00:13:44,743 --> 00:13:47,311
Just get your fat heaving
buttocks out of my head!
283
00:13:47,345 --> 00:13:48,612
Never!
284
00:13:51,316 --> 00:13:54,985
All right, Bob,
you've created 5,000 patents,
285
00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:57,187
so... one hour
of freedom.
286
00:13:57,222 --> 00:13:59,657
But remember,
your every move will be watched
287
00:13:59,691 --> 00:14:01,992
by these unarmed docents.
288
00:14:02,027 --> 00:14:04,895
That block's gonna
need its own ticket.
289
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,730
I have a family membership.
290
00:14:06,765 --> 00:14:09,566
Well, if that's
your kid, kiss it.
291
00:14:10,902 --> 00:14:12,102
Mmm.
292
00:14:14,339 --> 00:14:16,073
What next?
293
00:14:16,107 --> 00:14:17,474
Proto-Cubists?
294
00:14:17,509 --> 00:14:19,310
The Pointillists?
295
00:14:19,344 --> 00:14:22,146
Or the alleged art of
Itchy and Scratchy?
296
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,748
Ooh, ooh,
I like the Impressionists.
297
00:14:24,783 --> 00:14:27,251
The boy bands of the art world.
298
00:14:27,285 --> 00:14:31,755
But for you, Lisa, I shall face
the Renoir with sangfroid.
299
00:14:31,790 --> 00:14:33,490
Warmer. Calder.
300
00:14:33,525 --> 00:14:35,426
Warmer. Warmer. Calder.
301
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:36,593
Calder. Calder!
302
00:14:36,628 --> 00:14:39,596
That's using
your $300,000 M.F.A.
303
00:14:47,339 --> 00:14:48,539
To the Calder mobile!
304
00:14:48,573 --> 00:14:49,974
Ugh!
305
00:14:50,008 --> 00:14:52,876
Bob, you saved me!
306
00:14:52,911 --> 00:14:54,645
But how did you
get the strength?
307
00:14:54,679 --> 00:14:57,081
Calder's work in this period
was marked by heavy use
308
00:14:57,115 --> 00:14:59,650
of sheet metal painted
to look deceptively airy.
309
00:14:59,684 --> 00:15:00,484
Well put.
310
00:15:00,518 --> 00:15:01,885
Thank you.
311
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,153
Answer the question.
312
00:15:03,188 --> 00:15:05,956
Well... there is something
I should have told you.
313
00:15:05,991 --> 00:15:07,624
You see, it occurred to me
314
00:15:07,659 --> 00:15:10,394
that if I can genetically modify
fruits and vegetables,
315
00:15:10,428 --> 00:15:13,030
why can't I modify... me?!
316
00:15:13,064 --> 00:15:15,799
You've been changing your DNA?!
317
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:19,670
Well, at first,
just a peptide here and there.
318
00:15:19,704 --> 00:15:23,140
Carrot for my presbyopia,
Brahma bull for strength,
319
00:15:23,174 --> 00:15:26,043
and a touch of corn
for highlights on my hair.
320
00:15:26,077 --> 00:15:28,479
So... how strong are you?
321
00:15:34,219 --> 00:15:35,953
Figurines.
322
00:15:35,987 --> 00:15:38,522
Get your porcelain figurines.
323
00:15:39,557 --> 00:15:41,859
Now, how about
those Impressionists?
324
00:15:45,902 --> 00:15:48,855
I... but we sang
Gershwin together!
325
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:51,624
Well, rhapsody in boo-hoo.
326
00:15:51,658 --> 00:15:54,226
Do you know why we came
to the museum today?
327
00:15:54,261 --> 00:15:57,897
Well, I thought it was
because it was Tote Bag Day.
328
00:15:57,931 --> 00:16:02,635
Well, that was part of it,
but the biggest part was that!
329
00:16:02,669 --> 00:16:05,571
Washington's backbone,
Einstein's eyebrows.
330
00:16:05,605 --> 00:16:07,106
Florence Nightingale's tenacity,
331
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:09,241
though I'll have
to clip around her moral fiber.
332
00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:11,377
You're going to take DNA
333
00:16:11,411 --> 00:16:14,580
from these historical figures
and add it to your own!
334
00:16:14,614 --> 00:16:16,949
I shall be the wisest
and strongest maniac
335
00:16:16,983 --> 00:16:20,653
ever to bring the blessings
of dictatorship to the world!
336
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,989
Jig's up, Bob!
337
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,592
Return the spear
to the Homo erectus.
338
00:16:26,626 --> 00:16:28,494
Homo erectus?
339
00:16:28,528 --> 00:16:31,196
Where has that word been
all my life?
340
00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:33,432
Now, Bart, I promised
I wouldn't hurt you.
341
00:16:33,466 --> 00:16:34,833
You did that for me?
342
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:36,835
More for Mom, but yes.
343
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,971
But beware, I have DNA in me
344
00:16:39,005 --> 00:16:40,773
from Ophiocordyceps
unilateralis,
345
00:16:40,807 --> 00:16:42,141
better known as...
346
00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:45,844
zombie ant fungus!
347
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:50,282
And we're scared
of that because...?
348
00:16:50,317 --> 00:16:52,518
What I am saying is,
I could be tipped
349
00:16:52,552 --> 00:16:54,552
into a murderous rage
by the slightest provocation.
350
00:16:54,554 --> 00:16:57,022
Could you take a picture of me
with my family?
351
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,557
Mm-hmm.
352
00:16:58,592 --> 00:17:01,794
Oh, would you take another
for safety?
353
00:17:01,828 --> 00:17:03,963
Oh, I think my eyes
were shut in that one.
354
00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:07,866
Now, can you take one
with my husband's camera?
355
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,668
They're all ugly
because you're in them!
356
00:17:09,703 --> 00:17:11,303
Oh.
357
00:17:12,172 --> 00:17:15,975
Taste Praxiteles of Athens!
358
00:17:25,685 --> 00:17:28,187
Uh, Chief, we got a report
of a disturbance at the Met.
359
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:29,688
We got bigger problems, Lou.
360
00:17:29,723 --> 00:17:32,324
Horny teens who should be
out having bad sex,
361
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:36,195
but instead somebody made them
take an abstinence pledge,
362
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:37,496
by the looks of it.
363
00:17:39,432 --> 00:17:41,033
I don't get it.
There are taboos
364
00:17:41,067 --> 00:17:42,668
about premarital sex
in the Middle East,
365
00:17:42,702 --> 00:17:45,404
and you don't see those people
getting all violent.
366
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,809
You can't escape me!
367
00:17:50,844 --> 00:17:56,348
I've got grasshopper thighs
and the sonar of a killer whale!
368
00:18:10,096 --> 00:18:16,301
Uh, Bob, you can't kill us
without a little singing, right?
369
00:18:16,336 --> 00:18:17,636
A little singing?
370
00:18:17,671 --> 00:18:19,138
If there's one thing
he did not have
371
00:18:19,172 --> 00:18:21,407
to genetically enhance,
it's his voice.
372
00:18:21,441 --> 00:18:26,145
♪ Non piu andrai,
farfallone amoroso... ♪
373
00:18:27,681 --> 00:18:31,417
How dare you torture my children
with Mozart!
374
00:18:31,451 --> 00:18:33,419
Ah, you know Mozart?
375
00:18:33,453 --> 00:18:35,654
I call all music Mozart!
376
00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:38,791
We're here to stop you
with the help of
377
00:18:38,825 --> 00:18:40,426
the teenage
abstinence class!
378
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:41,960
If you defeat this madman,
379
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,762
I'll release you
from your pledge
380
00:18:43,797 --> 00:18:46,765
and teach you other fun ways
not to get pregnant.
381
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,934
I think
I might be pregnant already.
382
00:18:48,968 --> 00:18:50,469
Well, that's one of 'em.
383
00:18:57,544 --> 00:19:00,112
Python jaw... unhinge!
384
00:19:00,146 --> 00:19:01,547
Aah!
385
00:19:01,581 --> 00:19:03,882
I don't want to die in
some old dude's mouth!
386
00:19:06,453 --> 00:19:08,353
Bob, would you look
at yourself?!
387
00:19:09,823 --> 00:19:12,191
To quote Whitman,
"This is what you shall do:
388
00:19:12,225 --> 00:19:14,226
"love the earth
and sun and animals,
389
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:17,529
despise riches, stand up
for the stupid and crazy..."
390
00:19:19,999 --> 00:19:21,333
Who am I kidding?
391
00:19:21,367 --> 00:19:23,469
My only exit...
is a final one.
392
00:19:23,503 --> 00:19:24,870
What?! No!
393
00:19:24,904 --> 00:19:26,371
Farewell, Simpsons.
394
00:19:26,406 --> 00:19:28,607
And, Lisa, when
you're older,
395
00:19:28,641 --> 00:19:31,810
write an autobiographical novel
trashing the rest of them.
396
00:19:31,845 --> 00:19:33,145
How veiled?
397
00:19:33,179 --> 00:19:35,714
Thinly!
398
00:19:45,191 --> 00:19:46,391
Now, don't worry.
399
00:19:46,426 --> 00:19:50,329
Your friend will always be
part of our drinking water.
400
00:19:58,037 --> 00:20:01,373
Oh, right, I gave myself gills.
401
00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:18,367
I told you, the only
dancing I like is square.
402
00:20:18,401 --> 00:20:21,837
Hey, I let you pay for
those boys' skipping lessons.
403
00:20:21,871 --> 00:20:23,305
Okay.
404
00:20:33,683 --> 00:20:37,019
Ooh! Ned! Ha!
405
00:20:39,789 --> 00:20:42,024
Sure do miss that laugh.
406
00:20:42,058 --> 00:20:45,060
Ha, ha!
I miss her, too.
407
00:20:45,095 --> 00:20:50,095
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
408
00:21:32,462 --> 00:21:33,975
Shh!