1 00:00:01,664 --> 00:00:05,664 ♪ The Simpsons 25x15 ♪ The War of Art Original Air Date on March 23, 2014 2 00:00:09,436 --> 00:00:10,569 Hm... hmm?! 3 00:00:10,603 --> 00:00:12,671 "Lisa wants 4 00:00:12,705 --> 00:00:15,808 "a dot-dot-dot 5 00:00:15,842 --> 00:00:16,909 guinea pig"? 6 00:00:16,943 --> 00:00:18,076 Mm. 7 00:00:29,756 --> 00:00:33,058 Hey, Homer, did you know that guinea pigs are self-groomers? 8 00:00:33,092 --> 00:00:35,093 And when the get excited, they jump straight up. 9 00:00:35,128 --> 00:00:37,763 It's called "popcorning." Lisa got to you. 10 00:00:37,797 --> 00:00:39,665 I don't know how, but she got to you. 11 00:00:43,436 --> 00:00:44,937 Emojis. 12 00:00:44,971 --> 00:00:47,272 Now she's gone too far. 13 00:00:48,575 --> 00:00:50,542 Lisa, your father and I are very concerned 14 00:00:50,577 --> 00:00:52,478 about all this hinting. 15 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,447 I've never had a pet of my very own. 16 00:00:55,482 --> 00:00:56,849 My clock is ticking. 17 00:00:56,883 --> 00:00:58,417 I don't want to be one of those girls 18 00:00:58,451 --> 00:01:00,152 who waits till she's 16 to decide if she's ready, 19 00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:02,020 and then it's too late. 20 00:01:03,089 --> 00:01:04,423 Well, we've talked about it. 21 00:01:04,457 --> 00:01:06,291 And if you really want a guinea pig, 22 00:01:06,326 --> 00:01:08,026 you'll have to sign this contract. 23 00:01:09,329 --> 00:01:11,797 "I, Lisa Simpson, hereby promise 24 00:01:11,831 --> 00:01:14,132 to take full responsibility for this dog, cat, other." 25 00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:15,334 Circle "other." 26 00:01:15,368 --> 00:01:17,369 "This includes feeding, bathing, 27 00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:19,071 "cleaning of droppings and barfings, 28 00:01:19,105 --> 00:01:22,941 and when the time comes, burying or flushing." 29 00:01:22,976 --> 00:01:24,710 Boilerplate, boilerplate, boilerplate. 30 00:01:24,744 --> 00:01:26,678 We can skip all this litter box stuff. 31 00:01:26,713 --> 00:01:28,280 "If pet becomes Internet superstar, 32 00:01:28,314 --> 00:01:29,748 all rights revert to father." 33 00:01:29,782 --> 00:01:30,983 Sign here, here, 34 00:01:31,017 --> 00:01:32,451 initial here, one more over here. 35 00:01:32,485 --> 00:01:33,886 And done. 36 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:34,920 Oh, my God! 37 00:01:34,954 --> 00:01:36,388 I'm getting a guinea pig! 38 00:01:36,422 --> 00:01:37,389 Thank you, thank you, thank you, 39 00:01:37,423 --> 00:01:38,457 thank you, thank you! 40 00:01:38,491 --> 00:01:40,459 The kid-parent contract. 41 00:01:40,493 --> 00:01:42,194 Unenforceable, yet you feel 42 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:45,264 like you didn't completely cave. 43 00:01:45,289 --> 00:01:50,289 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 44 00:01:55,775 --> 00:01:58,410 You're doing the right thing adopting a rescue pig. 45 00:01:58,444 --> 00:02:00,345 You know, most of these guys are rejects 46 00:02:00,380 --> 00:02:03,348 from the big guinea-pig mills in the Midwest. 47 00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,684 Oh, I can't tell you how many mill pigs 48 00:02:05,718 --> 00:02:08,954 we get in here who have bumblefoot or the slobbers. 49 00:02:08,988 --> 00:02:11,356 You don't have children, do you? 50 00:02:11,391 --> 00:02:12,991 This one whistled at me! 51 00:02:13,026 --> 00:02:15,060 Ooh, that could be the one. 52 00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:18,263 Oh, but that orange guy looks like a pumpkin. 53 00:02:18,298 --> 00:02:20,766 But this fellow is so fuzzy! 54 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,536 Well, they all have their charms. 55 00:02:24,571 --> 00:02:26,438 This one's nibbling a sunflower seed. 56 00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:27,706 Look at that hair. 57 00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:29,641 Aw, I just want to comb it forever! 58 00:02:29,676 --> 00:02:32,144 Have you seen a pinker nose? 59 00:02:32,178 --> 00:02:34,146 I have now! 60 00:02:34,180 --> 00:02:36,949 Lisa, you've just got to choose one. 61 00:02:36,983 --> 00:02:38,083 Lisa? 62 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:40,419 She's gone, honey. She's gone. 63 00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:42,521 That one's fur looks like a tuxedo! 64 00:02:42,555 --> 00:02:45,457 A Band-Aid on its tail, aw! 65 00:02:45,491 --> 00:02:48,894 Albino! 66 00:02:48,928 --> 00:02:50,529 I'm definitely getting this one. 67 00:02:50,563 --> 00:02:52,030 Oh, but I forgot about this one. 68 00:02:52,065 --> 00:02:54,299 Oh, my God, I never even saw this one! 69 00:02:54,334 --> 00:02:57,235 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh... 70 00:02:57,270 --> 00:02:59,838 Maybe I should get that sick one. 71 00:02:59,872 --> 00:03:01,340 If I don't, no one else will. 72 00:03:01,374 --> 00:03:04,042 Bart, list your top five, best to worst. 73 00:03:04,077 --> 00:03:05,510 No, no, no, no! Worst to best. 74 00:03:05,545 --> 00:03:08,780 I just wish the gray one had the brown one's personality. 75 00:03:08,815 --> 00:03:10,048 Okay, Dad, give me your phone. 76 00:03:10,083 --> 00:03:11,249 I need to look at the pictures again. 77 00:03:11,284 --> 00:03:12,951 Aw, aw, aw! 78 00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:15,320 Aw, aw! 79 00:03:16,723 --> 00:03:18,357 Okay, this is the guinea pig 80 00:03:18,391 --> 00:03:20,692 that will make me happy. 81 00:03:20,727 --> 00:03:22,227 She thinks she's decided. 82 00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:23,662 Don't say a thing. 83 00:03:23,696 --> 00:03:25,430 Don't blow this. 84 00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:28,667 Okay, now, you sure you only want just one? 85 00:03:28,701 --> 00:03:31,436 They tend to do better in pairs. 86 00:03:31,471 --> 00:03:34,306 I could get two? 87 00:03:35,508 --> 00:03:39,111 Farting tweakers rule! 88 00:03:39,145 --> 00:03:41,279 I've tried to give Pokey a perfect replica 89 00:03:41,314 --> 00:03:43,081 of his natural habitat. 90 00:03:43,116 --> 00:03:44,249 Peruvian feather grass, 91 00:03:44,283 --> 00:03:45,717 an Incan sleeping mat, 92 00:03:45,752 --> 00:03:47,319 and a portrait of Marisol Espinoza, 93 00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,287 the Vice President of Peru. 94 00:03:49,322 --> 00:03:52,024 Are you sure you didn't create a perfect habitat for you? 95 00:03:52,058 --> 00:03:53,825 I wish I could live in there. 96 00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,260 Well, there's plenty of room 97 00:03:55,294 --> 00:03:57,129 because Pokey's gone. 98 00:03:57,163 --> 00:03:59,264 Where'd he go? 99 00:04:05,972 --> 00:04:07,673 This looks like a job for... 100 00:04:07,707 --> 00:04:09,708 fireplace tongs. 101 00:04:12,712 --> 00:04:13,845 No! 102 00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:20,519 Oh, my God! 103 00:04:20,553 --> 00:04:22,187 He's in the walls! 104 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,356 I hear chewing. 105 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,958 No, that's a much bigger animal. 106 00:04:28,161 --> 00:04:29,361 Kettle corn. 107 00:04:29,395 --> 00:04:32,397 The heroin of the farmers' market. 108 00:04:32,432 --> 00:04:34,132 I've lost my guinea pig! 109 00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:44,242 Pokey! 110 00:04:44,277 --> 00:04:47,446 Our boat painting! 111 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,247 I'm sorry, Mom. 112 00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,883 That's okay, sweetheart. 113 00:04:51,918 --> 00:04:53,919 Your pig thingy didn't mean it. 114 00:04:53,953 --> 00:04:56,288 It's just, it felt comforting to know 115 00:04:56,322 --> 00:04:57,889 that while we watched TV, 116 00:04:57,924 --> 00:05:00,559 there was art going on behind us. 117 00:05:01,994 --> 00:05:04,029 Oh, well, I guess we have to go 118 00:05:04,063 --> 00:05:06,364 to an art gallery and buy a new painting. 119 00:05:06,399 --> 00:05:08,567 Sure, we could go to a fancy gallery 120 00:05:08,601 --> 00:05:11,236 and spend a bunch of money, or... 121 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,857 Mm... hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm? 122 00:05:13,858 --> 00:05:15,859 Yeah, Milhouse played the violin for years 123 00:05:15,942 --> 00:05:17,576 until it turned out the vibrations 124 00:05:17,610 --> 00:05:19,444 were screwing up his bones. 125 00:05:19,479 --> 00:05:22,047 Yeah, these seem great. 126 00:05:22,081 --> 00:05:25,917 Oh, too bad someone used cello rosin. 127 00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:35,160 Oh, my gosh, that's beautiful! 128 00:05:35,194 --> 00:05:38,263 I've never seen a painting with a lighthouse before. 129 00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,865 Oh, that. 130 00:05:39,899 --> 00:05:42,067 That was on the wall of Kirk's bachelor pad, 131 00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:43,902 back when we were 132 00:05:43,936 --> 00:05:45,303 separated. 133 00:05:45,338 --> 00:05:46,905 Yeah, it's a great piece. 134 00:05:46,939 --> 00:05:48,206 I didn't have a mirror, 135 00:05:48,241 --> 00:05:49,441 so I shaved in the reflection 136 00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:51,076 of the chrome frame. 137 00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:53,178 This could be our new living room painting. 138 00:05:53,212 --> 00:05:54,846 I don't know. 139 00:05:54,881 --> 00:05:55,847 How about this poster 140 00:05:55,882 --> 00:05:57,482 of a really rocking jukebox? 141 00:05:57,517 --> 00:05:59,484 You know it's rocking 'cause music notes 142 00:05:59,519 --> 00:06:00,819 are coming out of it. 143 00:06:00,853 --> 00:06:02,554 Painting's only 20 bucks. 144 00:06:02,588 --> 00:06:05,023 Oh, please, Homie? 145 00:06:05,057 --> 00:06:07,225 I'll throw in the tiny violins. 146 00:06:13,299 --> 00:06:16,868 Oh, it looks great! 147 00:06:16,903 --> 00:06:18,103 Well... 148 00:06:18,137 --> 00:06:21,506 to me, it looks like... garbage salad. 149 00:06:21,541 --> 00:06:23,542 But that's the great thing about art. 150 00:06:23,576 --> 00:06:27,379 Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks. 151 00:06:27,413 --> 00:06:29,548 I've got to get rid of this ugly chrome frame 152 00:06:29,582 --> 00:06:31,516 from Kirk's bachelor bad. 153 00:06:31,551 --> 00:06:34,519 I hate to think of the things this mirror has reflected. 154 00:06:35,788 --> 00:06:36,955 Hmm! 155 00:06:36,989 --> 00:06:38,456 Hey, look. 156 00:06:38,491 --> 00:06:41,092 There's a signature that the frame covered up. 157 00:06:41,127 --> 00:06:44,262 "Johan Oldenveldt." 158 00:06:44,297 --> 00:06:46,264 Here he is! 159 00:06:46,299 --> 00:06:48,900 "Johan Oldenveldt, painter. 160 00:06:48,935 --> 00:06:50,368 "Lived in Amsterdam, Paris. 161 00:06:50,403 --> 00:06:53,271 Prolific early 20th century naturalist." 162 00:06:53,306 --> 00:06:55,574 Ooh, I think this was painted by someone famous. 163 00:06:55,608 --> 00:06:57,275 Maybe it's valuable. 164 00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:59,578 We should have it appraised. 165 00:06:59,612 --> 00:07:01,279 Pfft! You guys are crazy. 166 00:07:01,314 --> 00:07:02,848 I never even heard of that guy. 167 00:07:02,882 --> 00:07:04,049 It's not like it was painted 168 00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:06,418 by Leonardo Da Vinci Code. 169 00:07:06,452 --> 00:07:08,954 Now, here's what makes art valuable-- 170 00:07:08,988 --> 00:07:11,523 One: nudity, two: holograms, 171 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:14,159 three: something terrible happening to Jesus. 172 00:07:16,996 --> 00:07:19,164 Ah yes, seascape, 173 00:07:19,198 --> 00:07:20,832 marvelous natural light, 174 00:07:20,867 --> 00:07:23,735 classic use of gouache. 175 00:07:23,769 --> 00:07:24,936 You're right. 176 00:07:24,971 --> 00:07:27,239 This is an early-career Oldenveldt. 177 00:07:27,273 --> 00:07:28,940 Quite valuable. 178 00:07:28,975 --> 00:07:30,442 Oh, my God! 179 00:07:30,476 --> 00:07:31,977 I expect it to go somewhere 180 00:07:32,011 --> 00:07:34,746 between 80 to $100,000. 181 00:07:34,780 --> 00:07:36,081 Nobody touch it! 182 00:07:36,115 --> 00:07:37,415 Bart, stop looking at it! 183 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:38,650 But I want to see it! 184 00:07:38,684 --> 00:07:40,485 No, you'll wear it out! 185 00:07:40,519 --> 00:07:43,555 Baby, you saw something in this painting, and you were right. 186 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:46,391 Wow, the Van Houtens owned this for years, 187 00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,027 and never knew how much it was worth. 188 00:07:49,061 --> 00:07:50,528 Think how happy they'll be 189 00:07:50,563 --> 00:07:53,231 when we sell it and split the money with them. 190 00:07:53,266 --> 00:07:55,066 Split it? Whoa! 191 00:07:55,101 --> 00:07:56,701 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 192 00:07:56,736 --> 00:07:59,638 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 193 00:07:59,672 --> 00:08:01,973 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 194 00:08:02,008 --> 00:08:03,275 whoa! 195 00:08:04,744 --> 00:08:07,412 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 196 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,581 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 197 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,483 Oh! 198 00:08:15,646 --> 00:08:18,526 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 199 00:08:18,942 --> 00:08:20,710 Split it with them? 200 00:08:20,744 --> 00:08:22,645 Kirk and Luann didn't know what the painting 201 00:08:22,679 --> 00:08:24,380 was worth when they sold it. 202 00:08:24,414 --> 00:08:26,782 Yes, they sold it to us. 203 00:08:26,817 --> 00:08:29,318 So, now it's our painting. 204 00:08:29,353 --> 00:08:30,953 We can hang it on our wall, 205 00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,989 cut eyeholes in it to spy on people. 206 00:08:33,023 --> 00:08:35,558 Or sell it for lots of money 207 00:08:35,592 --> 00:08:37,393 which we keep. 208 00:08:37,427 --> 00:08:38,861 For ourselves? 209 00:08:38,896 --> 00:08:40,930 This dude gets it. 210 00:08:42,432 --> 00:08:45,034 But the Van Houtens are our friends. 211 00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:46,435 Are they, Marge? 212 00:08:46,470 --> 00:08:47,637 If you think about it, 213 00:08:47,671 --> 00:08:48,938 aren't they really just the parents 214 00:08:48,972 --> 00:08:51,507 of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid? 215 00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:53,876 All our friends are like that. 216 00:08:53,911 --> 00:08:56,379 Well, how would you feel if we sold them something 217 00:08:56,413 --> 00:08:58,614 that turned out to be valuable? 218 00:08:58,649 --> 00:09:00,917 I would feel A) Happy for their good fortune, 219 00:09:00,951 --> 00:09:02,585 B) Proud to know rich people, 220 00:09:02,619 --> 00:09:04,654 and C) Grateful for an opportunity 221 00:09:04,688 --> 00:09:06,689 to learn from a mistake. 222 00:09:06,723 --> 00:09:08,424 How about this? 223 00:09:08,458 --> 00:09:10,526 What if we give the Van Houtens 224 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,528 25% of the money? 225 00:09:12,562 --> 00:09:13,763 Then they'll just be mad 226 00:09:13,797 --> 00:09:16,999 about the 65% that we're keeping. 227 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:19,702 Marge, you like kindness, right? 228 00:09:19,736 --> 00:09:20,836 Sure. 229 00:09:20,871 --> 00:09:22,505 So, even if we gave 230 00:09:22,539 --> 00:09:24,740 Kirk and Luann some of the money, 231 00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:28,711 the knowledge of what they could have had will eat away at them, 232 00:09:28,745 --> 00:09:31,981 like piranhas devouring a wounded yeti. 233 00:09:32,015 --> 00:09:35,151 It's kinder never to tell them. 234 00:09:35,185 --> 00:09:36,919 Okay, I see your point. 235 00:09:36,954 --> 00:09:39,155 We should sell the painting, keep all the money, 236 00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:42,124 and never, ever tell the Van Houtens. 237 00:09:42,159 --> 00:09:43,492 Mm-hmm! 238 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:52,735 What'll it take to buy your silence? 239 00:09:52,769 --> 00:09:53,803 Hmm. 240 00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:55,104 Okay, Milhouse, 241 00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:57,440 the guys in back are shining up your new bike. 242 00:09:57,474 --> 00:09:59,408 And all I have to do is not say anything 243 00:09:59,443 --> 00:10:01,877 about some painting to my Mom and Dad? 244 00:10:01,912 --> 00:10:05,781 Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you? 245 00:10:05,816 --> 00:10:07,550 I guess. 246 00:10:07,584 --> 00:10:09,752 "I guess"! 247 00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,020 You're funny! 248 00:10:11,054 --> 00:10:13,089 No wonder Lisa's in love with you. 249 00:10:13,123 --> 00:10:14,290 She is?! 250 00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:15,992 She is?! 251 00:10:16,026 --> 00:10:17,960 So, if I keep my mouth shut, 252 00:10:17,995 --> 00:10:20,096 you get me new wheelie sneakers, 253 00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:22,098 and Bart agrees to promote and encourage use 254 00:10:22,132 --> 00:10:24,700 of my new cool nickname, "C.J." 255 00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:28,204 You got it, Ceej. 256 00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:32,908 You found out that painting was worth big bucks, 257 00:10:32,943 --> 00:10:34,944 and you weren't gonna tell us?! 258 00:10:34,978 --> 00:10:37,580 I don't know what you're talking about. 259 00:10:37,614 --> 00:10:39,048 Hide the treasure! 260 00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:40,516 I'm sorry, Mr. S. 261 00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:41,751 I cracked! 262 00:10:41,785 --> 00:10:43,019 We had a deal. 263 00:10:43,053 --> 00:10:45,488 And now we've got nothing! 264 00:10:50,227 --> 00:10:52,128 We considered you our friends. 265 00:10:52,162 --> 00:10:53,529 We trusted you! 266 00:10:53,563 --> 00:10:55,731 I let Homer use our master bathroom! 267 00:10:55,766 --> 00:10:57,666 Then you stab us in the back! 268 00:10:59,236 --> 00:11:02,171 If you knew you sold a valuable painting for nothing, 269 00:11:02,205 --> 00:11:04,206 how could you live with yourselves? 270 00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:07,176 We were just trying to be... kind. 271 00:11:07,210 --> 00:11:10,012 Kind?! You call it kind to give us nothing? 272 00:11:10,047 --> 00:11:11,580 We were gonna treat you 273 00:11:11,615 --> 00:11:13,115 to dinner at an upscale chain restaurant 274 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,651 and never explain why, but now forget it! 275 00:11:15,685 --> 00:11:17,153 Oh, so that's how it is! 276 00:11:17,187 --> 00:11:19,188 That's exactly how it is. 277 00:11:19,222 --> 00:11:20,589 Oh, is it?! 278 00:11:20,624 --> 00:11:22,525 Oh, it is! 279 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,728 Luann, I hope we're still on Thursday 280 00:11:25,762 --> 00:11:28,464 for collecting used cell phones for the troops. 281 00:11:28,498 --> 00:11:30,166 I don't think you need any help. 282 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,601 You're so good at... collecting. 283 00:11:33,737 --> 00:11:35,004 Oh! 284 00:11:35,038 --> 00:11:38,874 Oh, that was cold, Luann! 285 00:11:38,909 --> 00:11:40,609 So cold! 286 00:11:40,644 --> 00:11:42,645 Brr! 287 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,114 Sarcastic brr! 288 00:11:45,148 --> 00:11:47,783 See what happens when we get greedy? 289 00:11:47,818 --> 00:11:50,186 Honey, there's something I want to show you. 290 00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:51,687 An ATM receipt? 291 00:11:51,721 --> 00:11:53,022 I don't know whose this is. 292 00:11:53,056 --> 00:11:54,957 I found it next to the cash machine, 293 00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:57,126 and I've always kept it. Look at the balance. 294 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,161 Five figures! 295 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:02,598 With that painting, we could have what these people have: 296 00:12:02,632 --> 00:12:04,667 a money cushion. 297 00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:07,136 No more living paycheck to paycheck, 298 00:12:07,170 --> 00:12:10,072 one lost retainer away from the gutter. 299 00:12:10,107 --> 00:12:13,142 I could write a check with today's date on it. 300 00:12:13,176 --> 00:12:15,244 That's the cushion. 301 00:12:18,081 --> 00:12:19,949 Tonight, a special report. 302 00:12:19,983 --> 00:12:21,750 Fat cat art experts take advantage 303 00:12:21,785 --> 00:12:23,919 of John and Jane Yard Sale. 304 00:12:23,954 --> 00:12:26,055 So, would you characterize your friend of many years 305 00:12:26,089 --> 00:12:28,624 cheating you out of your painting as no big deal, 306 00:12:28,658 --> 00:12:30,226 or a devastating betrayal? 307 00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:32,128 Oh, definitely betrayal, Kent. 308 00:12:32,162 --> 00:12:33,662 Interesting. 309 00:12:33,697 --> 00:12:36,165 So if you see the Simpsons walking down your street, 310 00:12:36,199 --> 00:12:39,135 lock your doors and hide... your friendship. 311 00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:40,703 Great! Now we're raccoons, 312 00:12:40,737 --> 00:12:43,139 the masked bandits of the animal world! 313 00:12:43,173 --> 00:12:46,709 Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show. 314 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,883 The whole town's turned against us! 315 00:12:59,856 --> 00:13:01,957 Ooh, a support rock! 316 00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:04,793 This one's against us. This one's for us. 317 00:13:04,828 --> 00:13:07,897 For, for, against, for, against... 318 00:13:07,931 --> 00:13:10,599 We don't even get this many Christmas cards. 319 00:13:14,838 --> 00:13:18,440 There they are, the Masterpiece Thievers! 320 00:13:18,475 --> 00:13:19,942 Ah, shut your bone hole! 321 00:13:19,976 --> 00:13:21,944 That painting belongs to the Simpsons! 322 00:13:21,978 --> 00:13:24,713 Sharing is what makes a community strong! 323 00:13:24,748 --> 00:13:26,248 All sales are final! 324 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,383 Keep it! 325 00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:28,651 Finders keepers, moron! 326 00:13:28,685 --> 00:13:31,487 You really think we're still doing the right thing? 327 00:13:31,521 --> 00:13:35,491 Just close your eyes and think of the cushion. 328 00:13:38,261 --> 00:13:42,565 "Untitled Landscape" by Johan Oldenveldt, 329 00:13:42,599 --> 00:13:45,334 from the Collection of Homer J. and Marge B. Simpson. 330 00:13:45,368 --> 00:13:48,204 Let's open the bidding at $80,000. 331 00:13:50,373 --> 00:13:53,108 The paddles, Marge! Look at the paddles! 332 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,081 Stop the auction! 333 00:13:59,115 --> 00:14:01,784 That painting belongs to me! 334 00:14:01,818 --> 00:14:03,052 Dawn? 335 00:14:03,086 --> 00:14:06,188 Good to see you again, Beef Kirky. 336 00:14:06,223 --> 00:14:07,790 Who is this woman? 337 00:14:07,824 --> 00:14:12,861 Uhhhhhh... 338 00:14:12,896 --> 00:14:14,063 While you two were separated, 339 00:14:14,097 --> 00:14:16,465 Kirk and used to be friends... 340 00:14:16,499 --> 00:14:18,434 with banana-fits. 341 00:14:19,469 --> 00:14:21,203 You told me you didn't see anyone 342 00:14:21,238 --> 00:14:22,705 during our separation. 343 00:14:22,739 --> 00:14:28,077 Uhhhhhh... 344 00:14:28,111 --> 00:14:31,814 Madam, are you saying this painting belongs to you? 345 00:14:31,848 --> 00:14:33,415 Kirk stole it from me! 346 00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:35,184 But I didn't know it was valuable 347 00:14:35,218 --> 00:14:37,219 till I saw the story on TV. 348 00:14:37,254 --> 00:14:39,054 What?! I bought that painting! 349 00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:40,389 She's lying! 350 00:14:40,423 --> 00:14:42,324 The auction is on hold 351 00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:45,094 until we can determine the true ownership. 352 00:14:46,696 --> 00:14:47,963 Our cushion! 353 00:14:47,998 --> 00:14:50,633 Don't bother coming home, Kirk! 354 00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:51,834 Aw! 355 00:14:51,868 --> 00:14:53,002 See what your greed has done? 356 00:14:53,036 --> 00:14:54,003 Ow! 357 00:14:54,037 --> 00:14:56,338 Anybody want to give me a ride home? 358 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,740 Going once? 359 00:14:57,774 --> 00:14:58,941 Going twice? 360 00:14:58,975 --> 00:15:01,143 Sold! To the lonely auctioneer! 361 00:15:02,145 --> 00:15:03,345 Ah! 362 00:15:10,186 --> 00:15:12,153 Thanks for taking me in, man. 363 00:15:12,188 --> 00:15:15,323 I guess I can't help but feel fully responsible. 364 00:15:15,358 --> 00:15:19,127 Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses 365 00:15:19,161 --> 00:15:21,963 into your thick eyeglasses ever again. 366 00:15:21,998 --> 00:15:24,833 What you need, my friend, is a Canadian Duff. 367 00:15:24,867 --> 00:15:26,501 Beauty, eh? 368 00:15:26,535 --> 00:15:30,505 So... why does that chick think she owns the painting? 369 00:15:30,539 --> 00:15:32,674 Oh, Dawn and I went on a vacation 370 00:15:32,708 --> 00:15:35,644 to a resort island called Isla Verde. 371 00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:37,278 I bought the painting in a café, 372 00:15:37,313 --> 00:15:41,182 but that night she ran off with a parasailing instructor. 373 00:15:41,217 --> 00:15:42,884 Not your fault, man. 374 00:15:42,918 --> 00:15:46,121 Those parasailing guys take whatever they want. 375 00:15:46,155 --> 00:15:47,355 It was never her painting. 376 00:15:47,390 --> 00:15:49,290 That woman will say anything 377 00:15:49,325 --> 00:15:51,826 to keep herself in electric cigarettes. 378 00:15:51,861 --> 00:15:54,462 And I'd go back to that Café Artiste to prove it, 379 00:15:54,497 --> 00:15:57,866 but nothing's gonna get me Luann back. 380 00:16:02,171 --> 00:16:05,140 Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to Isla Verde, 381 00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:08,777 find Café Artiste, and they'll back up Kirk's story. 382 00:16:08,811 --> 00:16:12,080 That will prove the painting was his-- and now ours. 383 00:16:12,114 --> 00:16:15,950 Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, 384 00:16:15,985 --> 00:16:18,053 destroyed Kirk and Luann's marriage, 385 00:16:18,087 --> 00:16:21,356 and everyone's very worried about Milhouse. 386 00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:23,391 He's been playing Dancing Revolution for hours, 387 00:16:23,426 --> 00:16:25,226 but the TV is off. 388 00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:30,765 But our cushion! 389 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,334 That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! 390 00:16:33,369 --> 00:16:37,539 Please! Just let it go! 391 00:16:40,076 --> 00:16:42,077 You're not gonna let it go, are you? 392 00:16:42,111 --> 00:16:43,978 I wish I knew how. 393 00:16:46,115 --> 00:16:48,083 This is so exciting! 394 00:16:48,117 --> 00:16:50,218 My first time establishing provenance! 395 00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:51,786 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, 396 00:16:51,821 --> 00:16:55,890 if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting. 397 00:16:55,925 --> 00:16:58,293 That's a terrible thing for a father to do. 398 00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:00,095 That's why she'll believe it. 399 00:17:01,864 --> 00:17:04,199 Hmm, this quaint artist community 400 00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:05,834 has gotten a little touristy. 401 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,776 Excuse me. We're trying to find Café Artiste. 402 00:17:14,810 --> 00:17:16,711 Ah, yes. Top of the hill. 403 00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:18,413 Three discos up, four gelatos on the left. 404 00:17:18,447 --> 00:17:20,148 You can't miss it. 405 00:17:20,182 --> 00:17:22,650 It's right between the disco and the gelato place. 406 00:17:22,685 --> 00:17:23,985 Mmm. Hmm. 407 00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:26,254 Mm-mm! 408 00:17:26,288 --> 00:17:27,989 Mm... 409 00:17:28,023 --> 00:17:29,257 Welcome to Café Artiste! 410 00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:31,726 Would you like a glass of Strupo? 411 00:17:31,761 --> 00:17:33,762 It's a liqueur made of fermented capers, 412 00:17:33,796 --> 00:17:35,697 the official drink of the island. 413 00:17:35,731 --> 00:17:37,732 Mmm! Sounds delicious. 414 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,234 It's not. 415 00:17:39,268 --> 00:17:42,904 Hey, a friend of mine, uh, bought a painting here. 416 00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:45,039 Oh, yes, I remember that painting. 417 00:17:45,074 --> 00:17:47,142 And that is the man I sold it to. 418 00:17:47,176 --> 00:17:49,978 And that man sold it to me! 419 00:17:50,012 --> 00:17:51,713 That proves the painting is mine! 420 00:17:51,747 --> 00:17:53,948 And nothing can stop me from selling it 421 00:17:53,983 --> 00:17:56,384 and keeping all the money! 422 00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:58,119 I love art! 423 00:17:58,154 --> 00:17:59,354 Art? 424 00:17:59,388 --> 00:18:01,356 What do you know about art? 425 00:18:01,390 --> 00:18:03,725 You don't even know who painted that picture. 426 00:18:03,759 --> 00:18:06,461 Yes, I do. It's a Johan Oldenveldt. 427 00:18:06,495 --> 00:18:08,863 Wrong! It's a me! 428 00:18:08,898 --> 00:18:10,632 A what? I painted it! 429 00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:12,200 Me, Klaus Ziegler! 430 00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:13,434 Who? 431 00:18:14,937 --> 00:18:17,305 Mm! Oh! 432 00:18:17,339 --> 00:18:19,974 This is where I painted your so-called Oldenveldt. 433 00:18:20,009 --> 00:18:20,909 Prove it. 434 00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:24,779 Aw, crap! 435 00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:26,247 You're a forger? 436 00:18:26,282 --> 00:18:29,184 "Forger" is such a cruel word. 437 00:18:29,218 --> 00:18:30,985 I'm an art forger. 438 00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:33,488 Your painting was an early, clumsy effort 439 00:18:33,522 --> 00:18:36,991 which I gave to the café owner to pay off my Strupo tab. 440 00:18:38,894 --> 00:18:40,361 Whew! 441 00:18:40,396 --> 00:18:42,864 Then why did the auction house say it was real? 442 00:18:42,898 --> 00:18:45,200 I have fooled galleries around the world 443 00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:47,268 with my loving imitations. 444 00:18:47,303 --> 00:18:50,038 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 445 00:18:50,072 --> 00:18:53,274 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 446 00:18:53,309 --> 00:18:55,210 What you do is horrible... 447 00:18:55,244 --> 00:18:57,412 ripping off geniuses who spent years 448 00:18:57,446 --> 00:18:59,347 perfecting their styles. 449 00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:01,482 Perhaps you are the one who is horrible. 450 00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:02,183 What?! 451 00:19:02,218 --> 00:19:03,885 You only cared about that 452 00:19:03,919 --> 00:19:04,986 painting when you thought 453 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,021 it was created by someone famous. 454 00:19:07,056 --> 00:19:12,827 Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud. 455 00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,562 Beauty is beauty. 456 00:19:14,597 --> 00:19:18,399 My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world. 457 00:19:18,434 --> 00:19:21,369 The only real question to ask about art, 458 00:19:21,403 --> 00:19:22,670 whether it's in the Louvre 459 00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:25,673 or on a freshman's wall at Cal State Fullerton 460 00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:28,543 is, "Did it move you?" 461 00:19:28,577 --> 00:19:30,278 But, you still, I mean... 462 00:19:30,312 --> 00:19:33,348 Oh, I suppose you're right. 463 00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:34,983 What if I never liked the painting 464 00:19:35,017 --> 00:19:36,351 and only wanted it for money? 465 00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:38,086 Then you, I respect. 466 00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:41,322 Oh, great. The painting is worthless, 467 00:19:41,357 --> 00:19:43,024 this was all for nothing, 468 00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:45,693 and when Marge finds out, she's gonna kill me. 469 00:19:45,728 --> 00:19:49,297 Well, on that front, perhaps I can be of assistance. 470 00:19:49,331 --> 00:19:51,332 If there's one thing art is good for, 471 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:55,570 it's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart. 472 00:19:55,604 --> 00:19:57,272 While you're at it... 473 00:19:57,306 --> 00:19:59,407 could you make me a couple more? 474 00:19:59,441 --> 00:20:01,442 I'll pay you in Strupo. 475 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,656 Perfect. 476 00:20:14,690 --> 00:20:16,858 Oh, now that's art. 477 00:20:16,892 --> 00:20:19,193 Rocking. 478 00:20:19,228 --> 00:20:24,228 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 479 00:20:38,709 --> 00:20:40,042 The Gray Troll, 480 00:20:40,077 --> 00:20:43,045 Brine of Madness, Angel's Urine, 481 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:46,816 all names for the mysterious elixir known as Strupo. 482 00:20:46,850 --> 00:20:49,685 Though this fermented caper solution was originally used 483 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,021 to dissolve seagull corpses, 484 00:20:52,055 --> 00:20:54,590 local alcoholics soon found Strupo 485 00:20:54,625 --> 00:20:56,959 to be a palatable drink of last resort. 486 00:20:56,994 --> 00:20:58,294 The noxious liqueur causes 487 00:20:58,328 --> 00:21:00,863 powerful olfactory hallucinations, 488 00:21:00,898 --> 00:21:04,300 gender confusion, and wandering mouth. 489 00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:07,537 So if you visit Isla Verde, 490 00:21:07,571 --> 00:21:12,675 be sure to say "ahoy" to the crushing addiction of Strupo. 491 00:21:12,709 --> 00:21:15,278 lose everything. 492 00:21:32,432 --> 00:21:34,246 Shh!