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大家好
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万圣节真的是很诡异的节日
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我个人无法理解
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小孩拜野鬼 扮恶魔
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电视上放的节目
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完全儿童不宜
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如同接下来的半小时节目
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不过我小孩好像无所谓
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但今晚我端上来的故事
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会吓破你的胆
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如果你的小孩是玻璃心
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建议你早早就把他们赶去睡觉
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免得明天还要写投诉信
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我讲完了
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辛普森一家万圣节特辑
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春田市墓园
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依斯基·辛普森 以实玛·辛普森之墓
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柯尼尔斯·辛普森 加菲之墓
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感恩吸附乐团 鬼马小精灵之墓
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猫王之墓 自掘坟墓
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不给糖就捣蛋
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今年真是不好过 我爱万圣节
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等等 来看看孩子们在搞什么鬼
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电话那头的警察说
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“我们已经查出对方来电之处了”
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“就在地板下”
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“快逃”
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“但为时已晚”
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故事讲完了
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无聊 我三年级就听过了
一点都不可怕
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-明明就很可怕
-一点都不可怕
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随便 那你来讲更可怕的
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麻烦给我手电筒
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我要讲的故事会让你吓到笑
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-哥哥
-这个故事叫做
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《阿达一家》
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-家当都到了 请签收
-签好了 给你
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一美元给你喝水用
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一美元 活该住凶宅
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欢迎入住
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这房子真是便宜到像在作梦
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感谢屋主急着要脱手 玛琦
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吉屋急卖 真的很急着脱手
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地段一流 里面18间卧室
外面护城河 我们真是赚到了
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难得走运 就接受吧
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感觉有猫腻
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妈妈 巴特拿书丢我
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-才没有
-明明就有
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-才没有
-明明就有
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滚出去
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那是什么鬼
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大概是房子在欢迎我们
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我得好好改造一下这厨房
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霍默
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角落里那是什么生物
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-我不知道
-看起来像个漩涡
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可以通往异次元世界
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漩涡
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我丢你捡
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很好用嘛
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“不要乱丢垃圾过来”
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爸妈 救命
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滚出去
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看你怎么自己脱身
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我感应得到这房子被邪灵附体
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-邪灵？
-莉萨 你吓到你妈了
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宝贝 准备穿外套 我们现在就走
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等等 玛琦
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像这样的老房子
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本来就会有点问题
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处理一下就好了
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找一些道士来做法
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我不要为了省几毛钱就住鬼屋
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不要这么死心眼
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我们讲的不是几毛钱
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是几千美元
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这天花板真是高
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不如我们先睡一觉吧
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好吧 如果发生什么事
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还能发生什么事
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他们都与你为敌 巴特
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把他们杀光光
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送他们上西天
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是我的意识在讲话吗
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我
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没错
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莉萨
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拿起屠刀 莉萨
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他们都与我为敌
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我要送他们上西天
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玛琦
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玛琦？
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我在厨房 霍默
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去死
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通通去死
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这是什么情形
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霍默 巴特 莉萨 玛吉 给我住手
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-抱歉 巴特
-爸爸对不起
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-妈妈对不起
-玛吉对不起
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到此为止 孩子们去穿好衣服
我们要走了
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拜托玛琦 你说睡一觉就好了
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我说什么无所谓
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我们一家会吵吵闹闹也会拌嘴
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但没这样械斗过
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问题出在这屋子
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爸妈 快看
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疯马酋长 坐牛酋长
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这里是印地安古墓
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这里什么人都埋
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宝嘉康蒂 好马
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印地安古什么
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普鲁特先生 我是霍默·辛普森
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你卖我房子的时候
是不是忘了提醒一件小事
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你可没说地基盖在坟墓上
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你没跟我说
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我印象中可没有
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是吗 好吧 再见
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他说他讲了五六次
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孩子们 我们走吧
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-老天 玛琦
-霍默
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你们死定了
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你们会不得好死
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胃凸起来
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内脏会衰竭
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眼珠爆掉 等等等等
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脑子从鼻孔流出来
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给我闭嘴
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不要再玩我们了
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闭上你那臭嘴 礼貌一点
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看哪 我没气成这样过 气到手抖
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总比爆眼珠好
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-再弄一次
-什么
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-我要看墙壁流血
-不要
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老兄 我们是屋主 流血来看看
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我又不是你的猴子
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拜托 变一下 我要看流血
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快点变
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你为什么要吓我们呢
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不想跟我们太亲近吗
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还是不想被爱
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闪一边去
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你的家教在哪
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-听着 小姐姐
-不要叫我小姐姐
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我叫玛琦·辛普森
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我和我家人哪儿都不会去
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既来之则安之 大家好好相处
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让我考虑一下好吗
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没问题
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跟辛普森一家生活
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难道我别无选择
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太酷了
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它宁可自我毁灭也不要跟我们住
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感觉有点受伤
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-一点都不恐怖 巴特
-是吗
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这个断指够恐怖吧
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给我吐出来
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刚刚的故事只是开胃菜
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现在我要端上真正的大菜
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《饿鬼道》
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霍默 苍蝇好多
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别担心 我来开诚记捕蝇机
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抓到大只的
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问题解决了
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人生在世 没有什么比得上
完美炙烧的汉堡
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太酷了
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人走汉堡凉 各位
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我的老天
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地球人好 我是阿康 别怕
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我们不会伤害各位
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-你会讲国语
-其实我在讲雷吉尔星语
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无巧不成书
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我们的语言跟你是一样的
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你要拿我们做什么呢
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科多跟我要带各位去雷吉四号
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带你到极乐世界迷幻感官
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让你脑洞大开
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对你们来说 我们辛普森一家
或许是低等生物
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我们每天都要面对这样的眼光
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但我们在自己的小星球上活得很开心
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请饶我们一命
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-把我们送回去
-晚餐时间到
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抹酱看起来好好吃
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地球人请慢用 通通随你吃
记得吃光光
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非常感谢 怎么称呼
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要把你教到会
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我得先拔你舌头
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-炸虾
-邋遢乔三明治
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-炖猪排
-看 霍默 是萝卜雕花
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这是功夫菜 他们真的是高等生命
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地球人吃吧 吃多多长肉肉
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不太对劲
192
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女儿说的是
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猪排怎么可以没配苹果酱
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你在看什么 老兄
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你老婆真是秀色可餐
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谢了
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00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:47,581
很荣幸为各位
198
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,500
提供星际旅行机上娱乐
199
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,336
我们的视听系统
200
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,672
涵盖远至银河边缘百万台频道
201
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,216
-有家庭台吗
-没有 那个要加钱
202
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,218
这边是我们走在科技尖端
203
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:00,720
划时代娱乐系统
204
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,098
这是桌球的数位板本
205
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,434
用数字光标取代古董球拍
206
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,228
不就是电子乒乓吗 你们过时了
207
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,356
玛琦跟我婚前早玩过了
208
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,442
我们可是造了这艘宇宙飞船
209
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,695
能达到星际旅行的高等生物
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请举手
211
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,370
好吧
212
00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:29,248
抱歉 你们做的游戏很棒
213
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,335
晚餐时间到
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00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,880
为什么你们都不用吃饭
215
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:40,009
我们想好好培养食欲
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00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:44,221
留给抵达雷吉尔四号后的盛宴
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-盛宴
-我们是座上宾吗
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你们肯定是“桌上宾”
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你们会是盛宴上的焦点
220
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,651
可以多透露一点吗
221
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,195
不行 快吃
222
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,404
我们抵达的时候
223
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就有大把时间吃现成饭了
224
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,876
非常好 地球小子
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00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:22,635
太棒了 辛普森先生
226
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,649
加上这盐 人肉咸咸
227
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《人类烹饪书》
228
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别吃了
229
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,582
你们没发现吗
230
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:56,293
他们要把我们养肥来当盘中餐
231
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,170
够了 莉萨
232
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:01,131
不相信我的话 看看这本食谱吧
233
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,094
她说得没错
234
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,846
人类们 怎么不吃了
235
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,557
听好了 你这外星大笨蛋
236
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:13,477
没人可以吃掉辛普森一家
237
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,604
-什么意思
-别装傻了
238
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,772
你的食谱露馅了
239
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,232
你说这本吗
240
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,317
这是人畜无害的烹饪书
241
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,236
只是有点生灰了
242
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,116
《人类美食烹饪书》
243
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,703
等等
244
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:34,206
《大锅煮人类烹饪书》
245
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:38,752
这里还有一点太空灰尘
246
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,797
《大锅煮美食烹饪书》
247
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,341
来讲清楚吧 你们以为
248
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,552
他们以为我们是外星食人族
249
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,388
开什么玩笑
250
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,891
他们是认真的
251
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,685
那你们为什么一直要喂食我们
252
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:57,897
喂食你们？我们只是想盛情款待
253
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,816
说真的 你们真是不知感恩
254
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:04,194
我在厨房做牛做马好几天
255
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,155
煮饭给你们吃
256
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:09,575
你们把史洛克厨师弄哭
257
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,951
那就别玩了
258
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:15,497
别的生物也是有心有肺的
259
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,381
我们带各位畅游宇宙
260
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,342
大家本可以开开心心
261
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,136
体验用爱发电
262
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,972
享受极乐世界
263
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,141
大家会把你们当观音敬拜
264
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,227
永生不死
265
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:40,814
结果因为各位的疑心病
266
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,274
这些都只是梦幻泡影
267
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:45,361
他们身为高等生命 却蛮会记恨的
268
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:53,577
宇宙飞船上的确有怪兽 那就是我们
269
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:57,373
莉萨 这下聪明反被聪明误了吧
270
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,750
-感谢你 莉萨
-都怪你 莉萨
271
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:08,717
看哪 要吓死人了
272
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:16,517
书呆子 今天是万圣节 别啃书了
273
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,060
好心告诉你
274
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,896
我要准备说一个经典恐怖故事了
275
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,481
作者是埃德加·艾伦·坡
276
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,858
这不是课本吗
277
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,027
别担心 巴特 你学不到东西的
278
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,989
叫做《乌鸦嘴》
279
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,283
“从前在一个悲凉午夜”
280
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:36,453
“我整个人虚累累”
281
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:40,582
“沉浸于异趣而冷僻的故事内”
282
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:41,959
《遗忘的故事 卷二》
283
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,420
“我开始打着瞌睡 耳里突然听见”
284
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:48,757
“有人轻敲我的房门”
285
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,176
“何方访客 我低声碎念”
286
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:56,724
“轻敲我的房门 如此而已”
287
00:16:56,807 --> 00:17:00,686
-要吓人了没
-巴特 他在培养气氛
288
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:05,482
“而我记得是在凄冷冬月”
289
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:09,194
“蜡炬成灰 残影摇曳”
290
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:13,157
“我热切地期盼明天
徒劳希冀相借”
291
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,492
“借沉浸阅读停止思念”
292
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,830
“怀念我逝去爱人勒诺"
293
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,540
我的勒诺
294
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:25,711
她美若天仙 天使唤她勒诺
295
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,755
无名于此处长眠
296
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:35,596
紫色布帘如丝飘散
同细语令我不安
297
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,891
第一次有这样的惊惶感
298
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:42,394
我心狂颤 低语再三
299
00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:44,396
访者在门边恳求进房
300
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:45,898
仅此而已
301
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:49,818
而我心突然坚毅 不再迟疑
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00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,570
我问道‘先生’
303
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:52,905
或‘女士’
304
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:57,534
恳请接受我的歉意
我方才有点睡意
305
00:17:57,659 --> 00:18:01,038
你轻轻地来 低声敲我的门
306
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:04,416
轻敲我的房门 我毫无知悉
307
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,794
而我敞开大门
308
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,046
要开始吓人了吗
309
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,007
“一片黑暗 无边无际”
310
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,803
你知道比什么都没有
更恐怖的是啥吗
311
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,513
-什么
-任何东西
312
00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:21,809
回到房里 我灵魂燃烧矣
313
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,895
我听见更大声的敲门声音
314
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:28,107
我说“这绝对是”
315
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,442
是窗户震音
316
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:33,695
让我看看是什么把戏
317
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:37,407
我打开窗户 一阵惊天动地
318
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,577
飞入只庄严乌鸦来自神圣往昔
319
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,747
它长驱直入 毫不客气
320
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:47,334
如同君王妃后在高处睥睨
321
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,671
在房门上帕拉斯的雕像栖息
322
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:53,340
安栖于此 仅此而已
323
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,844
纵使将你头冠剃去
324
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,055
我说“也毫无退却之心”
325
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,976
令人惊惧乌鸦 在午夜岸边徘徊
326
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:08,897
告诉我你在冥河彼岸尊名
327
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,149
乌鸦说道
328
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,151
-吃便便
-巴特 别闹
329
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,279
它说“永不复见”
这就是它最后之言
330
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:16,738
好
331
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:25,914
然后 炉香乍热 房间蒙熏
332
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,750
-什么味道
-六翼天使显灵
333
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,461
足踏簇绒之地
334
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,713
我大喊“坏蛋”
335
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,382
上帝派天使至此地
336
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,510
令你在勒诺窒息的回忆得到喘息
337
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:44,224
忘了勒诺 一饮而尽
338
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:45,392
乌鸦说道
339
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:49,062
-永不复见
-就用这句来预告你的离去
340
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:51,356
我大骂“邪恶臭鸟”
341
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,985
滚回你的风暴和冥河去
342
00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:58,530
象征谎言的黑羽
一根都别留在此地
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00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,449
你的灵魂满是谎言
344
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,826
别让我停止孤寂
345
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:04,828
别占着我的雕像不飞离
346
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,748
将你鸟喙拔离我心
347
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,126
将你的形体从门上远离
348
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,128
乌鸦说道“永不复见”
349
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:18,926
将你鸟喙拔离我心
将你的形体从门上远离
350
00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:20,844
乌鸦说道“永不复见”
351
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,179
你这个小混蛋
352
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,226
滚回来 臭乌鸦
353
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,362
不 打歪了
354
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,448
“永不复见”
355
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,123
《陷阱与钟摆》
356
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,458
《告密的心》
357
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:52,751
《失窃的信》
358
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:55,462
而乌鸦 毫无动静 仍在此地
359
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,757
安坐于帕拉斯的雕像
360
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,676
在我房门上
361
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:04,638
它有着恶魔迷茫眼睛
362
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:08,267
灯光映照它身影
363
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,646
影中亦有我灵魂 漂浮在地
364
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,607
再也无力回天
365
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:21,446
莉萨 这好无聊
366
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:22,990
没意思的诗
367
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,950
这是1845年作品
368
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,327
当时的人可能比较胆小
369
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:30,747
没错 就跟你看黑色星期五一样
370
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:34,668
对现代人来说蛮温和了
孩子们 睡觉了
371
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:38,380
我想今晚应该会沾枕即眠
372
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,942
不要啦 玛琦 拜托
373
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:01,611
霍默 我可不要开灯睡觉
374
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:05,449
只不过是小孩说故事
没什么好怕的
375
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:16,084
我恨万圣节
376
00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:13,725
字幕翻译：侯敏生